Poll – HG Wants To Know – What Are You?

POLL

So, last time it was about those of my kind that you had become entangled with but let’s turn the spotlight on to you (only for a moment though, you know that cannot be allowed for long) and I would like to know how you regard yourself. Do you recognise that you are co-dependent or is that not the case and instead you release that you are a standard empath who has plenty of empathic qualities but you do not go so far as to flagellate yourself as the co-dependent will and you do not behave in the manner of the Super Empath? Are you that Super Empath who is a mixture of narcissistic traits but you have greater and more numerous empathic traits. Perhaps you are a normal who has been ensnared by our kind and you have few narcissistic traits and few empathic ones and you often wonder why you somehow became entangled with us. Or do you not know, if so, state as such and keep reading! Let me know and also tell me why you consider yourself to fall in to that category.

What are you?

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555 thoughts on “Poll – HG Wants To Know – What Are You?”

  1. Who am I to say…some days i feel like an empath, the next narc.
    The licensed professionals say bpd/ bipolar. I am a guinea pig, he recently ordered thyroid screening. I asked why i am not over weight ” we just want to review before changing meds.” Lol. I know my current symptoms are those of a person with hypoactive thyroid.

    After reading, reading, and reading 30 traits of a empath i am sure i most of my traits are that of a empath. In H.G. (box) I am a super empath. 😇
    Past few days my behavior has been the latter. I told a senior she resembles Faye Dunaway in mpmmie dearest in a covert way. A observer called me mean but he was crazy. Empath or Narc😕

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  2. Super Empath.
    Why? Because I have higher narcissistic tendencies but truly love and care for people. I’m resilient enough to take abuse, but will definitely check you if you continue to push. I don’t like to have to be mean, but if I deem it necessary then I will not hesitate to choke a bitch. I may feel some remorse but if you deserved it then….
    Do you agree HG?

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  3. HG,
    when someone asks you what they are in a private consultation, would you also tell them when they are a narc?

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      1. 🙁
        I’m a bad student.
        I just imagine that it would be very strange for the unsuspecting recipient.

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      2. I would say no, because it wouldn’t do any good. They won’t be able to see the truth. I’m guessing that you just won’t validate their belief that they’re a normal or empath.

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  4. After reading HG’s article about different types of empaths
    It sounds like I am the “carrier empath” I believe that I am a mixed personality type ENTJ with a lot of empathetic traits..

    My personality in the ENTJ:

    ENTJ PERSONALITY (“THE COMMANDER”)

    Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.
    Steve Jobs

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  5. I was a co dependent. I didn’t have much faith in myself. I didn’t think I could make it on my own but I am doing it. My abuser is a RN of all things well making over 100 000 or close to it. So with the title and the money to be had it was a dream come true especially when we fell in love. Or so I thought.

    1+
      1. Yes Registered Nurse. Associates Degree is two years from a technical school. Bachelors four years from a university. After graduation you take the NCLEX to receive your license to be valid practicing RN in which ever state it is applicable. LPN is a practical nurse who works under the direction of an RN. It requires one year practical degree. What you are able to do varies state to state or country to country I supppse. The RN can only ever assess. She has the ultimate responsibility of all under her.
        If this helps even more 😊

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      2. Geminimom,

        Wow! I’m coming where you are!! I worked in the cardiac cath lab at a Magnet Hospital, in a teaching hospital, and even with call, I didn’t come close to that. Although I’m only going on 6 years as RN.

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      1. Star
        You can if you count overtime. Also hes a narc so lying is a distinct possibility lol.

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      2. 👍NarcAngel. ” He’s a Narc and lying is a distinct possibility” lol you are hilarious:)

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      3. In America an RN in the OR or certain areas in the wards will start at 80k. Endo nurse starting just under 60k. If you are say in surgery of transplants then you’ll make over 100k. And consider also how many years working. Always go the extra mile for that degree, don’t settle for less if that’s your goal. I’m not a nurse or Make near what they make nor do I want to do that job. I work close enough to them to see how hard they work. And can be stressful.

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      4. Geminimom…and lots of politics too. There is a lot of narcissism among nurses and of course doctors as well.

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      5. Dang it, I totally went into the wrong business! I did well in the sciences and such, but I hate bodily fluids. A good nurse is worth that money too!

        2+
      6. NarcAngel
        Well I have never claimed to be spunky, but I can’t stand them either! This topic is too close to home for me now! I’ve been shut up in a house with 2 preschoolers and a baby for 8 days now and have 9 more days to go. It’s endless fluids of some sort – bodily fluids, spilt fluids, smeared fluids, sticky fluids…all over me and everywhere. 😑

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      7. Indy
        My daughter’s a real penny pincher. She guards the wet wipes like a hawk for only the most foul. We do have plenty of wash rags and dogs, though. Usually by the second week here I start singing the songs from Cinderella. 😄

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      8. Windstorm
        Your last sentence makes it sound youre in a bad porno. i think I can help here. When I had to look after the children and they wouldnt stay in bed I would look under the bed and fake discussion with something. and then look up and tell them that if they put their feet on the floor the witches would nibble their toes off. They only cried for a little while but they stayed safe in their bed. Theyre all grown now and no one ever asks me to babysit.
        #win/win

        Hey you do what you gotta do to survive.

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  6. Hi,
    I have been very hesitant to label myself, as I have a love-hate relationship with “diagnoses” and labels. As I have said before, labels/diagnoses are powerful, validating, and positive in some cases, stigmatizing and limiting in other instances, and other cases they are harmful, especially when misused. I also think I am too biased to fully assess myself objectively. I do feel connected with the label “energy empath”. I feel others deeply. I feel land deeply. I have been ensnared by several toxic individuals, two of the past exes fall cleanly into the narcissistic label and acted just like you describe here, HG. I escaped and did so with dignity and strength. I do have narcissistic qualities, particularly my strong desire of achievement and sought recognition of that as well in the past. It defined me then and caused a lot of pain, defining myself by my roles and CV. I have learned to rise above this need most days, though some days I fall back into that arrogance. I also can engage in self care without any guilt(always been able to do this). And cut ties when it is the best thing for my health. However, I also have had a strong urge to heal and “fix”…a thing that is very co-dependent. I stay too long as well. So, I am hesitant to say I am more than an energy empath, though I have traits that make me a kick ass warrior in life. I see these things, these stumbles, these dances as lessons. As I do all my relationships, breakups, deaths, misfortunes, and illnesses. These all have the potential to teach us/me and help us evolve. I believe we CAN evolve in this life. We can rise above certain “weaknesses” and heal and not always be doomed to “co-dependency” or “attachment issues”. It is that hope in me that keeps me going…

    1+
  7. HG,
    I just realized my questions were answered earlier in the post regarding why posters could identify what type of empath the were on your other article but was unsure on the poll.
    Thanks

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  8. ” Fucking a” is used by the cholo Hispanic gang members around these parts. Lol, if you hear it you’d better run.😂😂

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      1. No, it disappeared again on my end whether computer or phone. But I am a glass half full kind of girl with my email and bell notifications. Lol

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      2. Told ya HG! Boom!
        Hi Indy, I am following all of your comments still. Big fan of you, always! ❤

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      3. Aww thank you MLA! the feeling is definitely mutual 😊❤️ I hate the changes but love this blog/writers/author too much to stay away 🙂

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      4. It changes by the hour… now a mysterious purple hand is there for the “like” symbol.
        Hello there, can we be friends Mr. Hand? Please stay awhile. I play nice.

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      5. OMG!!!! I’ve just been reading and replying to emails for awhile. Just went to the blog on WP and all I have is a scroll of HGs articles! No comments at all and no way to comment!! No way to choose an article with out scrolling thru all the text of every article.
        Sure hope this doesnt stay!!
        Wonder if WP has another virus?

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      6. Yep, purple hand. I think this is a study 🤔 How quickly do we adapt to less optimal changes. Accepting crumbs….The most flexible and tolerant wins…or looses. Circ de Tude’

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      7. My Like buttons for comments disappeared too.
        (Like buttons for articles, bell and email notifications for comments are working.)

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      8. Clarece,
        WP programmers added new good features to the blog but forgot to test or activate the old ones.
        HG has been extremely patient with us and with WP O:-)

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  9. Hi HG. What type of empath are the variety who have affairs and are Dirty little secrets? It boggles my mind trying to understand how ab empath can be unfaithful or have an affair. Where is the empathy for your spouse or the narcs wife when you have affairs?

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    1. Valid point. Infidelity is a narcissistic trait but of course it can readily be bundled up in lots of empathic traits so that person is not a narcissist. There is no type, but you would have, say a Standard Empath with a narcissistic element.

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      1. Would you please do some more research on this? I think infedility cancels empathy. True empathy is ingrained in a person. Its like an empath murdering someone for her own satisfaction not protection. Doesn’t make sense to me

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      1. I second that…i know narcs are manipulators and once entangled its hard to stop. What is the thought process/ morality before the entanglement? I may think of the mid somatic softly sometimes but i will sew it up before letting him lick or stick again.
        Sorry, HG off of meds again. Due to testing 😊

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      2. Yolo
        I was actually making a joke to KT. I cannot talk, and would not judge others on morality regarding sex Lick it and stick it did make me laugh though.

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      3. Made me spew my coffee! I know the feeling. I have a Narc presently but he’s so damn confusing I do t know where he fits other than victim Somatic possibly high lesser or low mid lol. He’s all over the place. And he’s as addicted to me as I am him. He’s not killing me mentally anymore now that I e been reading and learning. He’s more of a live case study. And I’m not giving sex that good up for no reason right now! Everything he reflects back at me…. wow. I’m bathing in it. Know it’s not real. Think that makes me Glutton for Punishment Empath. The first time I totally lost it in him he actually told me later that he LOVED it! Had never had anyone give it as good as he could before. (It was better)

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      4. Mymasterstoy
        I should think victim somatic is enough to deal with. As long as youre not kidding yourself that good sex will lead to a good relationship do your thing. Use him and lose hiim, but you are leaving yourself open to manipulation.
        Personal question and if its too personal I understand. Your name appears to indicate that you are a sub. I dont know how long you have been with this person, but do you have any concerns about your safety in giving control over to someone who believes it is his right anyway?

        Please read HGs book Sex and the Narcissist.
        Be safe

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      5. I’ve been with him a year. Yes I’m sub. He has never hurt me. He lives it 24/7. Not just in the bedroom. I’ve already. Even through the manipulation and he took me for a lot of mi eye in the beginning. We don’t have a relationship other than sex. We rarely ever see each other if he isn’t wanting sex. But I got news for him. In e a week isn’t enough for this girl. No matter how good it is! Lol

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      6. But you’re right. When my exnarc didn’t want to have sex, I saw no reason why I should become abstinent.

        1+
      7. Ava101
        Atta girl. Not every bang is an epic love affair. Sometimes you jus needa bump uglies.

        2+
    2. Kt…theres never any excuse for an affair but humans are complex and there are many empaths that have had affairs for differing reasons. I feel very deeply for my spouse but there are factors which i wont go into the lead me down this path. Was it the right path? No it wasnt and ill suffer the consequences of my choices. It doesnt take away who i am and thats a person who deeply feels for people but empaths make bad decisions too. Being an empath doesnt mean youre perfect. Being an empath narc victim even moreso. Like a narcissist i have past baggage that ive not dealt with that i can see lead me in certain directions in my life but despite this im still very much an empath.

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      1. I’ll ditto your comment, Narc Affair. Your words are my sentiments exactly. It’s not something I’m at all proud of and, like you, I have paid the consequences. If there is one thing I can say, it’s that I learned the most valuable lesson of my lifetime by going through the affair. It led me to this site and taught me to never take that path again. I also learned that the affair partner’s spouse is also being abused and she was never the problem in their marriage. In many ways, I wish I could go back and do things differently, but as I said, I’ve learned valuable lessons and I would never trade those by going back. 💘

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      2. Some people will have a ‘play’ but it’s nothing serious in the end. There is obviously something wrong but they may not know what, but the subconcious does.

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    3. Here’s how: you meet a married man who sells you a sob story about how awful his marriage is and how much he loves his wife and has tried so hard to make it work. You see a good man trying to make his marriage work and see his wife as an unappreciative bitch. You only want to show him that it’s not his fault; that he is trying and you are there for him. Next thing you know your empathic self is in bed with a married man.

      4+
      1. Misty

        Devils Advocate because………well……I am.

        I understand completely how it happens and I am not passing judgement, but there are a few things for an Empath to consider in this example or situation. The “you” is not you specifically.

        Why is he telling you about his shitty marriage and how is that your concern? Manipulation.

        If he was trying so hard to make it work he wouldnt be peddling their personal business all over and looking for a sympathetic ear while remaining with her if not for his own personal gain. (and he will do this to you but you dont believe that because you are better and more intelligent than her right?).

        Why is it up to you to swoop in to show him that he need not suffer an unappreciative bitch and can be rewarded with your attention, to assure him it is not his fault (when you have no proof), and be there for him? An Empaths inherent need to fix.

        Once again the Empath has put his need for happiness ahead of her own. Will actually cross her own line in the sand to save another. A little narcissistic that your love is so great that you can fix and reward him no? You have seen many examples of this with other couples but this is different right?

        Unless that “fixing” him was just a smokescreen for:

        I want him at any cost and can absolve myself of any blame because I was doing a good thing in “saving” him.
        Its a trap either way and youre lying to yourself. You have responsibilty here in that the signs were there and you chose to ignore them for the “win” (and what a prize).

        You see its not that theyre so good at the game but that Empaths offer it up on a platter because of their own narcissistic beliefs that they can fix anything, show you the right way, and bring happiness to all they encounter.
        Sometimes Im not sure which side is more narcissistic. They both just have different intent and perception about their motives.

        7+
    1. EB
      Yes theyre back but I dont LIKE them-theyre anonymous. But its something and were used to crumbs……………

      2+
      1. NA
        Didn’t know where to stick this comment.

        Me talking about sticking and licking, i am definitely not the moral police.

        It’s something about infidelity that eats at me. I am a hot mess but, have never been attracted to a person in a relationship. Knowingly….I think its because I witness a very close friend go through it with her husband. I don’t think it’s the act itself but the trust between one another.

        They were able to rebuild the trust, just celebrated 25 year anniversary they marries at 18 and 20. But the pain she felt still lingers with me.

        Btw, it was only once with a co-worker from a dare. He couldn’t sleep for 2 nights then confessed on the 3rd day.

        Of course we can only expect that from normal people😊 Well he’s the norm.

        I am sorry if i offended anyone.

        2+
      1. Yolo,

        The bell and the Like button are getting more attention than him lately. This cannot go on like this. 🙂

        4+
      2. EB
        I know-were headed for a silent treatment. I keep thinking the next Igniters of Fury will be:

        Bells and Likes

        With a pic of an Empath getting theirs rung.

        4+
      3. NarcAngel,

        Hahaha 🙂 More about Bells and Likes on The Incredible Sulk.
        A huge criticism would be if HG gets a Golden Bell from WP and we have Platinum ones.

        2+
      4. NA

        my comment would be s’mores anyone?
        As I pulled up a chair and enjoy the warmth of a fire 🔥
        Ok it would be a firestorm and I would have my firesuit on as I watch my chair melt to a puddle.

        I put this entire mess in the fuck it and chuck it bucket and my trust in the man of the house will get this mess straightened out and make us empaths happy again.
        Believe me thou I am a repeating this to will end and the sun shall shine again.

        1+
      5. Twilight
        Trusting a Narc to be concerned with making Empaths happy?
        Sigh
        Go to remedial.

        2+
  10. Regarding Narcs having affairs….

    I was married to a sociopath and (somatic narc) when I was 20 years old. He had several affairs, and I was an investigator finding his lies out.

    But, the 2 Cerebral narcs I have dated and known, I would guarantee that they have never had affairs. I dated one for 3 years and the other for over 5.5 years. The latter I have lived with and worked with for the 5.5 years.

    These 2 narcs are withholders. It is so weird the other way. I get peck kisses once a day if that. That is it. They have been in big professions and sex and affection is the last thing that is on their minds.

    I would figure that they used self stimulation, but no affairs. They were and are around me.They love my company, they find me attractive, etc. but hell, they just don’t seem to have normal desires. They worship their minds not their private parts. I have been tempted to just
    start dating a normal guy. I have needs that are ignored for years. Then, I don’t go out dating because I miss the highly intellectual conversations and entrepreneurship that we exchange conversations about.

    Feeling a bit stuck at this time. But, I know that the relationship will never evolve.

    I am bringing this up, because I have not seen any signs of infidelity and I am an expert at sniffing that out.

    1+
    1. Virginia
      Narcs dont do affection so its beyond last on their mind. Affection is tolerated only to further their aims but not to fulfill any need they have. (And they dont care about yours). They enjoy your fuel. That is your purpose to them along with any other benefits you provide. So I guess you have to ask yourself if the intellectual conversations are enough for you. Seems you could get that from others since a lot of their “intellect” is bullshit anyway, and have intimacy which seems important to you. You dont have to live with them to talk to them.

      2+
      1. Yes. That is true. I live with my current CN because we are colleagues working on startups together. We are working intensely 14 hours a day, it is only temporary.

        I have never found any “normal’ people who are as intellectual and business wise, intelligent like I have with my 2 CN’s.

        Yes. I am really wanting and planning on meeting normal men in the near future. I give a lot and I deserve a lot in return. 👍

        I have read over 2,000 pages on NPD before finding out about HG. I know a lot, but o am still taken back by narcs. It is just so crazy making…

        1+
    2. Virginia
      I was married to a cerebral for 30 years – never any sign of him having an affair. I don’t think he’s even dated anyone in the 10 years we’ve been divorced.

      I know what you mean about liking the conversation. Me too. Talking to mine is a highlight in my life. Not just having the highly intellectual conversations, but being able to discuss events and people in my life and get his take on the psychological aspects. Shoot, we even discuss this blog! He cracks me up with his portrayals of different types of narcs in various situations! He has a wicked sense of humor!

      Being with mine has ruined me on normal guys. They all seem so stupid. I hate to be sexist, but I just can not stand a stupid man.

      But NarcAngel is right. You don’t have to live with them to talk to them. I have a really good relationship with my exhusband now. We talk nearly every day. We go out to dinner and movies, even sometimes take short trips together. But that’s possible because I have my own home with my own life that I control – not him. I’d never be able to keep control of anything if I lived with him.

      1+
  11. Me? I belive I am a SuperEmpath. Only after reading/hearing/learning from you HG have I come to understand this. I can remember saying to the tHiNg, “you have met your match”, although I didnt think I was quite as ‘bad’ as he was, but I did know I could and would, put up a good fight in order to punch (not literally) my way out of the relationship. I know how to ‘give’ until it hurts, as a revenge type thing. And so mote it was….
    Would you concur HG?

    1+
  12. First of all I want to thank you for coming forward and stepping up to explain what this all means and in a way that we can all understand. I know that who and what you are leaves you wide open for criticism and the poster child of blame for everyone who is just like you. I, also, know that you are not like this on purpose, and thank you for trying to use your “evil’ for good.
    I wanted to tell you my story, but I’m guessing that you have heard my story so many times before and in so many ways, all with the same result. The same tragic ending…It must get pretty repetitive for you, everyone always needing answers to the great question: “Why?”
    Those of us who are left behind and thrown away like a piece of trash, those of us who wonder why or how we could be so stupid and blind because we have been through this at least once before(but never had a name for it), those of us who nearly jumped off the ledge into insanity or contemplated suicide because the truth of the Great Lie is too much to accept… do we all do this dance with the devil in the name of Love? No matter that it is our own and very skewed version of what love should be?
    Even 3 weeks later after leaving him, after 5 years of abuse in every imaginable form,( physically, emotionally, psychologically and financially), I still cannot find enough strength to be angry, and maybe that’s because I’m still in denial or trying to separate the lover from the abuser. I have broken No Contact so recklessly in my grief that he has had no chance to try to Hoover me, I have, sadly, done all of the ground work for him…just to have one response (even though its filled with blame and hate) just to beg and plead with him (with my inner voice screaming at me: “Are you, in fact, Crazy? WTF are you doing?!”) I can only be grateful that I am 1600 miles away because, I honestly, would have crawled back on bloody knees.
    I say these things that make me feel very uncomfortable and open to criticism from others, to shine light on what is my truth. I was with this man almost every single day for the last 5 almost 6 years. Taking care of him, his kids, his business, his home. I was the one who orbited around him to try to keep him safe from the harm of the outside world who misunderstood him. And I ignored the abuse. I ignored myself, my health and my well being, only to end up as another statistic.
    To be just as sick as he is…because being sick together seems so much better than experiencing the hell and torture that I am feeling right now.
    There seems to be a lot of talk about the Empath being the victim (I’m sorry, I have a really hard time with that word because it has been used as a quick buzz word to shut me down and put me back in my “place”) but what most people don’t realize or say is that, while we would certainly not go seek out an abusive relationship, we are more susceptible to abuse because we want to fix and heal at any cost. So we end up contributing to our own abuse. Abuse by proxy.
    I hope in the future that I will be able to tell a story of healing and finding my self esteem and value again. I hope that I can eventually help guide others down this hellish path and tell them that they will be okay on the other side, but right now, I cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel and I have to live my life hour by hour and try to keep myself on task just to not break No Contact.

    5+
    1. “To be just as sick as he is…because being sick together seems so much better than experiencing the hell and torture that I am feeling right now.” – an excellent sentence.

      9+
      1. The “safe” bubble I had created around my life has burst and I’m as exposed as a newborn baby, with the inability to heal and to face my own sickness and my own narcissism in this, because I know it was there, too, I won’t hide from that. Or place total blame, as I said, I abhor the word “victim”
        My only solace to the bursted bubble is that I was the one who held the pin, and did the bursting, but at times I find that I’m angry with myself for doing what clearly needed to be done, like I said, living in my own denial was safe for me no matter how messed up that sounds. But its all that I have ever known in every relationship I’ve ever had, including the current Narcissist who was my very first, 33 years ago…Do you think I’m addicted to abuse? I never go back to the same person (him being the exception because we were kids) What would that make me? and if I am addicted to abuse, can it be fixed?

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      2. You are addicted to our kind as a consequence of the emotional infection. Your vulnerability to this arises from your empathic nature and often as a consequence of matters you have experienced when a child. You have the means to not only evade our kind so your susceptibility is less of a risk but to work to minimise that susceptibility albeit it cannot be completely erased. There is however much you can do to reduce the risk and do so considerably.

        1+
      3. Jody Allen,
        It is incredibly brave to pop that bubble and continue to stay outside of it. Keep reading, you may find one of the topics HG writes on, particularly with empaths and codependence something you can relate to.

        I think the most important thing right now is to give yourself credit for getting out and starting the healing process. Yes, you can heal. And, if you are anything like me (and many others hear), you will always draw narcissists to you. (I have drawn a few) The key is to recognize them before you get attached and hooked. Are you newly escaped or are you still in the primary relationship with the narcissist? Sorry if you have already shared this, I missed that part. I just wanted you to know you are in good company here and we all know the character it takes to survive and begin the leaving/healing process.

        Healing vibes your way,
        Indy

        1+
      4. Hi Jody Allen,
        (part two) I just saw your message above. Your strength will come back with time. Trust me! It took me 30-60 days of no contact to get it back to a level where my head stopped spinning. For me, it is coming up on one year, and I am finally thinking about life outside my healing. It takes time. Be patient and gentle with yourself. You are in a good place here!
        Indy

        1+
      5. Jody,
        you can research dopamine addiction (and also trauma bond), which also occurs through abuse, it is released before the next abusive strike happens. I think it can be changed the same way other addictions can be changed. I am still researching and experimenting myself, though.

        The other part is the patterns from childhood conditioning, as HG says.

        This might be directly connected but who can say, how.

        2+
    2. Jody Allen
      No need to be uncomfortable-you have much company here. You used two words in your last paragraph that show you do see light at the end of the tunnel: hope and future. Continuing to come here to read the articles and share with others will help you to hold no contact and allow for them. Welcome.

      4+
      1. Hi. My name is You, Only, Live, Once and I am a narcaholic..

        Okay, I went first who’s next? BTW, the only narc I cant stay away from is HG..hes like good red wine…comes with health benefits. 😊

        1+
      2. LOL YOLO!
        Hi my name Jody and I’m a narcoholic!
        I only attract Narcs, so I need to learn to use their seduction tactics against them to get the great sex that they only give in the beginning and then move on to the next.. 🙂 😉

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    3. Well Jody, you are in the right place here. I’ve certainly been right where you are now and so have many of us here. I remember very vividly being trapped in that tunnel you mentioned.
      When I was younger I was very afraid of real tunnels (not just figurative) – and still very uncomfortable with them to be honest. I have to remind myself every time I enter one that if it has a way in, it has to have a way out. If I keep driving forward, I’ll come out the other end.
      This tunnel you’re in now is the same. Just keep moving forward and it’s just a matter of time till you will see the light and eventually you’ll emerge out the other side. Don’t get discouraged if you stop for awhile or even go backwards for a time. Just turn back around and start moving again towards where you know the end must be. You will get there!

      3+
    4. Jody Allen

      You are not alone here, speak your truth. The way you experience what happened. Many can relate and support you.
      You are right it is like being in a tunnel where once the light was on then turned off and your plunged into darkness.
      Soon you will be running under the sun once again.

      Your sentence
      To be just as sick as he is…because being sick together seems so much better than experiencing the hell and torture that I am feeling right now.

      I am sure many here can relate to this

      1+
      1. In my journal I wrote a sentence to my Narc. “You are pure evil and will have your own special corner of hell. And I would spiral down with you, right by your side, just to spend one more night with you”

        3+
    5. Your comment was very engaging Jody. I feel your pain. We all do. Ive been studying this subject for around 3 years now. It seemed everyone else but me, was getting ahead with their journey. For me it just wasnt happening. Until very recently my life was all about wondering. Wondering when I would feel better? Wondering when can I stop putting in the hard yards? Wondering when will my anger subside? Wondering when will I have a life again?
      Suddenly, out of nowhere it seems (although I know its not), the cloud has lifted. I can breathe again. I can move more freely through my life. I actually never thought it would happen. The light at the end of the tunnel is real, and tangible, and is there waiting for you, as it was for me. One day you will wake up and suddenly know, feel and see, you have your life back. It truly is like a breath of fresh air.
      Thanks to HG, I can now shine again. And you will too. 😉

      2+
      1. I can’t remember the first time your soul set mine on fire, but it woke it; and truthfully it has never slept since.

        Even when first started realizing he was not good, I wanted to give anything for one more night, for one more, for 5 more minutes, another phone call.

        Then the hell repeats.

        My soul is definitely on fire.

        2+
    6. JA,
      I thought it interesting that you went back because ‘you were kids’.
      My 1st Narcissist and I were together when I was 19. Last year when I got the hoover, I engaged with him and one of the things he does is comment about how we were kids together. I think that puts one in reminiscence of the initial golden period and all the things we did together. We get nostalgic for the way it was and get sucked in again. Remember that you fell in love with an illusion. You loved what you thought were good traits of his in the beginning. They were your traits being mirrored back at you. Sadly we all must face the fact that we were suckered, bamboozled, outwitted. Take the hurt and turn it into rage against him. He purposefully hurt you. Doesn’t that make you want to win by never engaging him again? Sometimes that kind of win doesn’t feel big enough. It has to be though, because the only way you can win is not to play. No Contact is the only way. You got this, remember to not minimize the abuse or glamorise the good.

      2+
      1. Thank You Anna Belle Black.
        You are right on so many levels. The truth is that 33 years ago, he 19 me 16, he cheated on me and I broke it off right away. My first initial thought about meeting up with him again and rekindling anything with him was a gut punch “no”, but I got caught up in the romantics and fairytale ending that everyone else was ooing and ahhing about…but it was instantaneous and passionate. We did discuss the past, and he would say things like “I’m not with you because of the past”, which in fact the opposite was true..it must really piss him off immensely that I dumped him twice, even though that was never my intention.
        I’m hoping that I can eventually stop contacting him, I know it only makes me look bad, I’m also hoping that anger will catch up with me and I can turn this around. I don’t need revenge that’s just not my style. Moving on and being my own source of love is the best revenge I could have on anyone.

        1+
    7. Dear Jody… I have been numb and unable to feel or cry for a very very long long time, until I read this. You opened my flood gates….

      1+
  13. Morning HG & all….

    I have a question….I am assuming that Elites/Somatics will tend to gravitate towards very attractive women but do Cerebrals & Victims have a preference? Is the empath thing more important to them than looks?

    Effectively – can one protect oneself by being overweight and unattractive or will that only protect against Elites & Somatics?

    0
    1. Flickatina
      Protecting yourself by being overweight and unattractive seems drastic when you could just say: Piss off you ghoul. I mean the reat of us still have to look at you. Wheres your empathy?

      2+
  14. Virginia,

    I think NarcAngel has condensed it very nicely. 🙂
    I totally agree.

    My exnarc also was like yours. Though he did also worship his private parts as you say. ;D Just not in a normal way and not with his partner. I am also sure that he didn’t have sex with others while I was in a relationship with him.

    But I wouldn’t bee too sure that he didn’t use sex to seduce others, while we were “friends” after the official relationship, while telling me he never had sex. Seducing others just for the fun of it, not for starting an intimate relationship.

    However, your dilemma: you don’t have to limit yourself or restrict yourself. Put your own needs first and have a nice intimate relationship with a normal man, and try to be friends with a cerebral narc (good luck with that though).

    1+
    1. Thank you for your reply.

      My 2 cerebral narc bf’s loved the power they got by withholding sex and always making excuses for why we didn’t have sex in a long time. I have a normal level of desire and needs, and to be out off so they could watch tv, etc. became apparent to me that:

      #1:They had a lack of desire for sex and they only wanted fuel.

      #2:Knowing what I needed and they wouldn’t provide to that to me, gave them power and control.

      #3: When they did provide it, it didn’t last long. It was like a machine that was turned on and off and they couldn’t wait to get out of bed and do other things.

      #4: If the CN’s approached me with a kiss that was one thing, but if I approached them, I felt that they didn’t
      like that. I just felt this dread come over me thT. Should never be the approaches. The narcs must always dictate how and when they apply affection verses abuse. In their minds they are the captain. They hate intimacy.

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      1. Sorry about all of the typos. I was typing in a hurry😬I wish there was a way to go back and edit posts.

        0
    2. Ava101,

      You were friends after the “relationship” ended?? Did you become an intimate secondary source? How did you manage to not go crazy being friends? Didn’t it kill you inside?

      0
      1. Lynnie, there is an answer further down, with many typos. I have some trouble replying on my tablet. 😉

        0
  15. NarcAngel,

    Topic 1: But I really liked him, he was cute and totally my type and very fulfilling!
    😉

    Topic 2: Do you think it’s possible that a victim somatic plays a sub?

    0
    1. Ava101
      I dont understand #1. Is that from a previous comment? I looked but I must be missing it.
      #2 is not only possible but I have experienced it.

      0
      1. Hi NarcAngel,

        my comment ended up at the wrong place, never mind nr. 1, that was regarding my affair. Not important.

        Nr. 2. Ohhh!! Thank you. And he would play that role full-on? Enjoying being subjected to beatings, being bossed around? Then acting like he was victimized? Provoking punishments?

        0
      2. Thank you NarcAngel.
        Interesting, and my intuition was right.

        And did you feel drained by him anyways?

        0
      3. Ava101
        No. My interaction with him was limited. We did not live together or see each other exclusively. Also, the only man who will ever drain me will be an Undertaker.

        3+
  16. HG, I have a question for you. Why not try truth with one person, perhaps the one who is very close to seeing you for who you are? My study of this says that it is a survival mechanism to protect yourself from being hurt as a child. But, it no longer serves you as an adult? If you shared your truth with one person, let’s call it an experiment.. How would that affect your survival?

    1+
      1. Yolo

        NA is getting confusing as people use it for NarcAngel and also NarcAffair, but if you meant me, I loved that movie and identified with Lisa so I’ll take that as a compliment whatever your intent. Maybe I should change my name here to Crazy people and ice cream.

        Thank you for reminding me of that movie-I think I’ll watch it again.

        1+
      1. If the merit exists, I would guess the idea becomes very appealing to someone who gets bored easily and that would be new, unchartered waters for you to explore.

        1+
  17. Virginia,
    That’s exactly how it is. My exnarc once literally jumped out of the bed, on his feet, in a nanosecond when I came to him to cuddle and he accused me for months that I had wanted to seduce him (OMG, and I hadn’t even wanted to).
    He enjoyed that power of withholding, too.
    So why would you want to go back to that ….

    1+
    1. Actually, I think about how great it would be to be with a normal man. I love sharing and caring with someone who can do the same. Once I get my business on solid footing and grow bigger, I will have more options.

      I agree. I am not going to frustrated the rest of my life. Why put up with someone who can never give one ounce back, someone who lies to himself and others, abuses, rages, has mood shifts like an earthquake, can’t interact normally with others, who can never take responsibility, withholds in cruel ways, who acts weird, etc. Way too many negatives!!

      1+
      1. Virginia

        “Actually, I think about how great it would be to be with a normal man. I love sharing and caring with someone who can do the same”

        Yes Virginia, there is a Santa Claus.

        Couldnt resist.

        2+
      1. HG,
        How many Empath/Codep. cadres are there? Have you covered them all here? And, like Narcissists, can Empaths cross over in multiple cadres and what would that be called in your system?

        ***tapping finger nails on desk, waiting on books

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  18. Lynnie,
    the official relationship where my exnarc condescended to engage in sex was very short lived. That was no reason for him at all though to disengage. I had at that point no idea what I was dealing with, I learned about na4cissism because of the friendship with him. He didn’t want sex and he didn’t to be close but he never let me alone and sent many many messages day and night. He played fullon on me not getting closure from him, etc.I was for many months in a state where I just couldn’t understand anyth8ng anything anymore, nothing made sense. He then kept coming back with “”I love you””,””I miss you””, …but no recommencing of the official relationship and no sex.
    I did go crazy and I did get traumatized.
    It took a long while to notice patterns and to learn about emotional and verbal abuse. It was very subtle with him. No namescalling, no shouting, etc. That I would have known what to make of.
    He also used the fact that we were in the same spiritual group to stay in contact and to use my goodwill and morality.
    It took me a while to go no contact when he got abusive again. In the beginning I thought he would learn not to do certain things when I blocked him then. No chance. I haven’t had contact with him for 7 months – right before I found this blog when that contact had made me break down with c-ptsd – now except for a few e-mails because I had too many open questions a couple of months ago. I got rid of him again but he is also preoccupied with his pregnant currant energy source. His last mails though ha: to impact on me though, thanks to HG, I didn’t react anymore to his manipulations and lies. I got my answers from reading between the lines, not directly from him. Though he did say about the end of the official relationship that I had become dysfunctional too fast.
    So, don’t try this at home … friendship with a narc.

    1+
    1. Ava101,
      I’m not even truly sure what I am dealing with. It has been going on and off for pst year, but he is very sexual, at least he claims to be only with me, otherwise “he is not interested at all” even with his current girlfriend. I started realizing something was off about him last May, and my instincts knew this was not a “typical guy” We spent so much time together, days on end, on and off, because he lives 5 hours away, and he would end up opening up to me about very abnormal issues, or neglect as a child, and of course he would talk about ex gf sending him awful letters, calling him a psychopath. Eventually he confessed things that he has done which knows about, and I have kept them In between us. We developed this magnetic, sexual relationship on top of me being his confidant. I remember him saying, you can never my girlfriend now because I never allow them to see this side of me, or come in my house, etc. I was heartbroken. Essentially, agreed to be his friend but in January I spent 5 days at his house, and after leaving I am literally living my life numb. I eventually start to become “normal” and loving again, and then he reappears, by just as a friend, but accusing me even though he has a girlfriend, of putting him through he ringer, of not being nice, (especially when I told him I needed more than just being strung along he gave a month long silent treatment, blocked me on messenger ONLY, and exactly one month later unblocks me). I’m the one in incredible pain and he acts like is bleeding, but yet I feel bad for labeling him if I don’t know truly if he is narcissist. Last week he says to me, “I will ruin every relationship you will ever be in, you know it in your heart. And when you find the one, I’ll come and make love to you, and it Will happen. It will always be like this” with him I’m either 100% gold or a pile of CRAP. He plays tricks, says his friend thinks I’m beautiful, can he set me up, so when I agreed just to see his reaction, he told me “you said I’m the only one!!” He also instructed me to break up with a guy I’m casually dating. He has a girlfriend!

      I’m starting to pull pieces together, reading old journal entries, and I’m trying to figure out how to pull away. If I go no contact and he isn’t a narcissist I could be pulling away from someone who has no one else to share deep childhood or past regrets with. Plus, I can be a little needy.

      How do we know? How do we know when it’s them and not us? Thank you for sharing with me Ava. I’m at wits end. Everyone I hear from him I physically start shaking. I never know what it’s going to be.

      You sound like a strong, beautiful woman!! Be proud of yourself!

      1+
      1. I’m sorry to get involved sweetie but I have to say because I can’t not. He is not good, and he is hooking you DEEP!! Protect your precious heart and bloody run!! I won’t go on, I’m not as articulate as some of the girls here I’m only just getting my voice back so how can I advise others. But I know how it feels to hold on to that shred of hope because ugghhhhh what if though!! But you know deep down, you do, its just so hard to cut that final tie.. Don’t let this person take one more piece of you, you never know when its one too far and you crash and burn.. You deserve better than uncertainty and hurt.. Love is sure, and love never leaves you wondering. Ever!! *hugs*

        3+
      2. Some one,

        Your wording is plenty articulate! Don’t underestimate yourself!! Thank you for sharing your story and helping with mine. Maybe because I have brought this outside of myself I will find the strength to let him go and accept the truth. Those “what-ifs” and “if only” really prevent us from breaking free.

        I love your expression “Bloody Run!!!” Totally smiling. Ahhh us simple Americans lol.

        Stay strong and thank you!!!

        1+
      3. To clarify, LynnieRN and Lynnie Redwin..they are both me. It just depends if I accidentally click the inconsistent account to comment with. Sorry for any confusion to all!!!

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      4. MYMASTERSTOY,

        You never know, maybe one day he is Michael and the next he changes.😝

        I don’t know a whole lot about BDSM, but I do know a little. I had one relationship a long time ago where I explored D/sbriefly, I just could succumb to the rhetoric outside the bedroom. If these individuals who are narcissistic are truly as ruthful as I am reading them to be, it is not healthy even if you enjoy being submissive. A huge part of that kind of relationship depends on trusting the person.to take you to your limits, and past, but know exactly where and what your boundaries and can sense them before the submissive even can. The submissive has to depend completely on the Dominant for this dynamic to be safe and fulfilling. Can you get this from Michael.

        Hugs and stay strong! Submission is not a sign of a weak woman, remember😊

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      5. True. Being submissive isn’t a sign of weakness. It’s a sign that you know exactly what you want or need. That is the one snag. I’ve told him I can’t submit 100% because I don’t trust him. And won’t until I can. He wants my pledge of monogamy. I told him he will get it when I get his. He says he doesn’t have to do that. I told him neither do I. Submission is a gift. You don’t want to earn it…your not going to get it. I’ve been told I’m a dominant submissive. No. But I demand respect in exchange for my gift of submission. I just love to please a man

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    2. Thank you Lynnie! 🙂

      First of all,
      “If I go no contact and he isn’t a narcissist I could be pulling away from someone who has no one else to share deep childhood or past regrets with.”
      But you need to think of your own well-being first! You are not responsible for him!
      I know how you feel about this, I really do, but it is important to learn that you must look out for yourself first. Whatever he is – you are not content and not well.

      When his girlfriend says that he is a psychopath, I would tend to believe her, maybe she knows what she is talking about. 😉
      I tried to convey this message to the current girlfriend of my exnarc and she disregarded it. She will learn it for herself in a very painful way.

      “he is very sexual, at least he claims to be only with me, otherwise “he is not interested at all” even with his current girlfriend.”
      This is something HG explains very well, therefore it sounds like typical narc behavior. In HG’s terms, it sounds to me like you are his Intimate Partner Secondary Source. I think there is something on it in “What am I to him.”

      My first love told me all the time that his relationship was on ice, too, that he didn’t even know if they were together anymore, that he felt so much more at home with me, etc. But he only strung me along, for years. The other things your narc (I think he is) says, sound like manipulation, like putting you in a certain place which is convenient for him. 🙁

      About opening up: I’m not sure, my exnarc didn’t at all. I CAN be that he does this to get your sympathy, to draw energy from you.

      >I don’t know truly if he is narcissist.
      What you describe sound very much like it.

      About a month after my exnarc broke up with me, I told him that had a date that night (exactly 5 years ago to the day 🙂 ) – and he went ballistic, I had to block him completely, it was crazy. Very much as you describe it – he had told me that he didn’t want a relationship and no sex, but he actually told me that he thought that I would keep a phase of abstinence out of respect for our relationship. *lol* Well, I didn’t find it funny back then.

      >How do we know? How do we know when it’s them and not us?

      By your own reactions, by realizing your own confusion because of him. I know how you feel, and this isn’t because of you; it IS him.

      I’m usually not the one to say this here, but in your case I actually would say that you might want to consider to ask HG, if you need confirmation of what he is. 🙂

      2+
      1. Ava101,

        Do you realize this is the very first time since I met him last spring of 2016 that I have ever shared just a
        glimpse of our “relationship”. What you have offered me by listening to what I had to say was truly appreciated. I have been holding this in because I have begun to believe that I was starting to imagine this chaos in my head, the twists and turns, and I have never felt so ungrounded before. Here I am, a women in my 30s, with a good career, have been always chased by me for my beauty and personality, but I can be somewhat dramatic. Those closest to me I have almost completely shut out, because that same light I have always had, doesn’t feel like it exists anymore, and only those who know me well can see it. Because they are unaware of the situation, they are also now finding fault with me. To say the least, as you know, it has been a nightmare I didn’t could exist. I’ve dated some jerks before, but nothing like this.

        Thank you for your examples, intelligence, and non-judgements way you handled me. It is appreciated beyond belief. I have a lot more reading to do. I will check that article out you mentioned. I did ask HG about this, just not quite in the depth we have gotten into into.

        I CANNOT believe he requested you to be abstinent, and have no other relationships. I mean part of me wants to scream, “are you out of your ever-loving MIND?” Like you are going to sit around and waste having a healthy sexual relationship with whomever you would like!! I take it he was not “somatic?”

        Maybe someday I can return the favor to you! Praying for a sexy, wonderful, kind relationship headed your way, (unless you found one already!! 😁)

        2+
      2. “When his girlfriend says that he is a psychopath, I would tend to believe her, maybe she knows what she is talking about. 😉”

        Yes this.

        Early in our relationship, my N told me about a prior relationship where her “crazy ex” got a restraining order against my N when they broke up after the girl fled their home while my N was away on a business trip. Listen to the stories of their past and see them for who they are, not who they say they are “with you”.

        1+
      3. Tiny Dancer,

        All I can is Right!!! In fact, during our second date/getaway he started opening up the exes. I have no idea if repeats, he never let me into that. But it was that weekend the light bulbs in my denial head went off as I got a whole list of his “crazy exes” and “Can you believe she had nerve to call me a psychopath”. I found out he and his mother, (whom he despises) devised a plan to drive one of his live in girlfriends so upset that she moved out. Of course, I had come out of a sexless marriage and had never experienced what I had with him before. I pushed that and a WHOLE lot of other red flags away. I even said once, you keep switching stories, how am I supposed to be on your side King who shall remain nameless. Between that and his addiction to fb….ugh. I’m an ICU RN, and have a psychology degree, and this came like a wolf in the night. But had I used my own intuition and stopped “hoping”, whether he’s an “N” or just an A**, I could have saved myself a world of heartbreak, my time, and my energy.
        Usually, if a man calls a woman crazy, it’s because he drive her there; or vice versa of course. I just wasn’t going to listen. No way. Where in the heck was my mind? I wasn’t even a Primary. Not one you live 5 hours away, have to be available on chat, for long getaways asap and frequently. I thought it was romantic! Ha. Deprived woman in a marriage for a long time makes you delusional.

        1+
      4. Hey Lynnyrn!
        “Usually, if a man calls a woman crazy, it’s because he drive her there”
        I really liked that! They’re so quick to accuse us of being crazy, but fail to see any hand they had in it. My exhusband always said that all men are jerks and all women are crazy. They do go hand in hand!
        Much of your story resonates with me. Stay here and keep sharing and reading. You will find answers and eventually some peace.
        My respect for your being an RN. It’s a hard job with long hours! One of my daughters in law is one. She works on the cardiac floor of a local hospital.

        1+
      5. Feels like I’m the only one here who is not a nurse or in the field of psychology…

        1+
      6. I’m not, strongerwendy. I’m a retired middle school teacher. But that does require a lot hands-on psychology! And a very high tolerance for chaos!! 😜

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      7. Hi Windstorm2!!!

        Your comment about the high tolerance for chaos made me laugh. That’s another thing that got me in trouble. Being a preschool teacher and a special needs parent made it easier for me to accept my exes behaviors. I am too laid back and like you have that very same tolerance. I repeatedly told her that I could handle “her chaos”.
        I didn’t realize til I was out that I couldn’t. I had no idea what damage she was doing to my mental and physical state. I am still feeling some of that.

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      8. Hey Snow White!
        Yeah, I understand you. I’m a very laid back person and very tolerant of chaos and mind games. That’s probably one reason I can put up with narcs and tweeners so well. 😆 But everyone has a breaking point. It’s all too easy to let ourselves get overwhelmed where our physical and mental health gets damaged. And God knows the narcs aren’t going to step in and help us then. Ha, ha!
        Have a great weekend!

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      9. Ha Ha is right Windstorm2!!!
        Lol😀😂
        It definitely helps with that age group too. 😜

        I’m not sure when or what would have caused my breaking point in that relationship but I do know that it would have been too late and I would have lost everything.
        At the 2 1/2 year mark I was still all in and fully committed to her.

        You have a great weekend too!

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      10. I as well have thought that! We can sit together in the Tudor cafeteria for lunch. lol
        I’m a Project Manager and Bookkeeper for a recycling equipment distributor. It’s a family owned business and they give me very flexible hours to work around my daughter’s schedule.

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      11. I hear that. I went without sex for a year. Elite I met my Somatic Narc. I’m in hog heaven right now. Well the once a week I get it. If you live in the Chattanooga area we should probably talk lol

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  19. Some personal insights I’ve had thanks this post.. I’ve realised I pose as quite a hard nut to crack, when it comes to the Lesser I’ve known one & he ran, mid range was tempted by high fuel levels but mistook me for a codependent he made a very messy approach by trying to use my PTSD against me & make me cling to him. Personally I find it silly if a couple say things like ‘we changed our mind’ it makes me laugh, if people I’m with group together in one of those circle type things I’ll walk away it just feels awkward. I have a strong personality & views, wants, things to say. I don’t ‘extension’ at all, I’ve been independent since I was 15/16.. Ain’t nobody got time for that!! Lol.. My weakness, & the way I fountained fuel is my abandonment issues, & you can’t fix knowing someone you love can be taken to heaven in a second, or walk away & never come back because its a fact of life!! That’s how my Greater got me the way she did, she made me fall in love & spent the rest of the relationship pretending to be dead, dying or leaving me.. Nothing & no one has ever gotten a hold of me like she did.. Thank you if you made it to the end!! Sorry its long just wanted to share my own experience.. 🌹

    1+
    1. Hi Some One,
      Thank you for sharing your experience here with us all. I just wanted to share that my heart ached when I read this” “you can’t fix knowing someone you love can be taken to heaven in a second, or walk away & never come back because its a fact of life”. Yes, I know. I too feel this deeply. I, too, have abandonment crap and what you wrote was palpable for me. The only thing I have found comforting is being mildly detached, but it is so hard for me. I try to practice the Buddhist notion of loving detachment, though I go in waves. It is a life long wound, knowing that this is reality. I once said to a therapist that it is true, all suffering is related to attachment. He said, “but if you live detached you will be cold and robotic. That is not you.” No, it is not me. Though, I can know my weak spots and keep an eye on them. I know that certain relationships come in this life that help us heal (reparative relationships) and some wound us further. I have had both and both ended. It had to be that way for me.

      No answer or solution here, just know you are not alone in your experience of this.
      Peacefully,
      Indy

      2+
    2. Thank You Windstorm2! Very much! I struggled more in my job this year than I ever did before. It was very discouraging. I spent a year in the cath lab. Love cardiac! It’s hard to keep spreading all care around when it’s being used up in a way it’s never been before, dysfunctionally. Thank you to your DIL for her hard work and yours too!!

      1+
  20. HG
    Theres something not right about the poll leading by a landslide
    with Super Empaths if theyre rare. We’re mucking it up. So Ive been doing some more reflecting and Im considering changing mine to ahem…normal.

    What?

    WHAT ARE YOU ALL LAUGHING AT???!!!!

    Big weekend Tude. 5,000,000 and the DM concert. My best wishes for you to have a blast on a well earned weekend.

    1+
    1. Regarding the movie Girl Interrupted i was confident you would identify. I am not implying you are nuts. Great movie Angelina played that role well. I think she had this sadistic way of trying to get the girls to move from victims but she meant well. Her own demons were greater than she would or could acknowledge. Its been years since i watch it so my memories are vague.

      😉😉

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  21. Hello HG,

    Yesterday I found two useful articles with pictures which explain how to allow the Like Button on comments. This is the old Like Button, which shows who has clicked.

    It seems that bloggers can see two dashboards: the new simplified one and the original one. The changes can be made on the old Dashboard only.

    Step One: “How do I get back to the full dashboard on WordPress.com?”

    My Sites –> WP Admin

    https://libroediting.com/2015/11/18/how-do-i-get-back-to-the-full-dashboard-on-wordpress-com/

    Step Two: “How do I enable liking on blog comments?”

    Settings –> Sharing menu.

    Scroll down until you see the “Comment Likes are”- “On for all comments”.

    https://libroediting.com/2016/04/14/wordpress-tip-how-do-i-allow-likes-on-comments/

    This applies to WordPress.com only and not to WP.org. I hope this helps.

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    1. Hello EB, thank you for looking to help, but this does not apply to my site as it is a paid site. The interfaces show up differently to those in the article.

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      1. No problem, HG. I understand. I have also read that paid/business WP sites have a different Dashboard than the free ones. It is not possible to see the old one.

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  22. StrongerWendy,

    My point really is, it doesn’t matter a persons career, or what they look like, or what designer clothes they were. I have been so accustomed to start to believe now because I am not this or that I was not good enough. And I used to like who I was before, before I even knew what I was majoring in!! Now, i am simply not good enough because I am not Asian. Well that I can’t change. I can’t change me anymore. I don’t even know who that is. I’m sorry if I came quickly. Everything has become an attack, all the time.

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    1. Please keep reading go back and read the different school and cadres, who am I to him, hoover time. Read Sex and the narc, exorcism, and confessions of a Narcissist. Afterwards, if you don’t mind can report back. Share if you have reached a definitive answer. Is he reallly a Narcissist or just a hurt/abused man child?

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