Poll – HG Wants To Know – What Are You?
So, last time it was about those of my kind that you had become entangled with but let’s turn the spotlight on to you (only for a moment though, you know that cannot be allowed for long) and I would like to know how you regard yourself. Do you recognise that you are co-dependent or is that not the case and instead you release that you are a standard empath who has plenty of empathic qualities but you do not go so far as to flagellate yourself as the co-dependent will and you do not behave in the manner of the Super Empath? Are you that Super Empath who is a mixture of narcissistic traits but you have greater and more numerous empathic traits. Perhaps you are a normal who has been ensnared by our kind and you have few narcissistic traits and few empathic ones and you often wonder why you somehow became entangled with us. Or do you not know, if so, state as such and keep reading! Let me know and also tell me why you consider yourself to fall in to that category.
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47% Super Empaths? Give me a break. Human beings really need to work on self-awareness – be they wired as a Narc, Empath or whatever. Granted, this page would attract more empaths in general, but I highly doubt almost half the people here are the Super Empath.
I am a HSP with a super empath combination is this a bsd mixture HG?
INFJ Empath. A fixer. If someone close to me suffers, I suffer. Including physical pain on occasion. Hence the fixing. It’s rare for me to get close to anyone for this reason. Imagine being very close to someone with cancer, absorbing all of that pain every step of the way. Now imagine discard at recovery. All planned and plotted while being perfectly unaware. Learning that while you were the devoted partner, lover, friend, many things were kept from you. Learning you were kept from many things, and people. Hidden.
Excruciating experience for an INFJ Empath. We usually see and feel far beneath the surface. Sociopaths/narcissists are just that good. Make no mistake, it’s a game. The brighter you shine, the further you’ll fall.
HG my mother is a narcissist now I know why is it I do what I do to people,relationship, and colleagues treated different always by my mother.I don’t know the four classes I fall in I really don’t care
I’m not really overly positive about which category I fit into.It can be hard to see oneself obgectively:) Hmmmm maybe HG can devise a multiple questions test… this amount of”A’s” super empathy, “B’s” empath, etc etc! 😂
Now I’m curious about true empath. I can feel people’s vibes. I will do my research. It might take me awhile.
I think it is safe for me to say I’m a super empath…i will tolerate seemingly endless abuse..but when Ive had enough, lookout…as I will flip the tables on you…unsheath my claws..and come.at you voraciously when pushed too far….all third party of course..just like you taught me HG!😜
Those ideas help you to what, to write?
I think that only a co dependent can identify himself easily, for example, I don’t know what I am, I can imagine, but my experiences with narcissist have made a very different woman nowadays, maybe sometime in my past I was one kind of personality but now definitvely I grew in my inner in differents ways and I’m sure that now I’m not the same one who I was, fortunatelly…
I always had empath traits and narcissist traits, my mother was a narcissist and I can read you the same you can read me. I always have felt this along my life.
I feel atracted to the narcissist and I am a magnet for them, and when I met one I know the way they are going to act, yes HG, sometimes I find myself making games to see if the narcissist react like I think is going to react and when he does I think “well done boy…”
I know the way to hurt them, and they make me suffer too…is a like a stupid cicle…
I have this way of act since my childhood, for me this is like “being at home again…”
My mother was a good teacher, of course she was…!!!
I think HG that the more I know your kind the more I have narcissist traits, that’s all…
What is a “true Empath”
what do you get with this poll HG? I mean, I don’t think it is only curiosity…
Ideas.
About?
Hmm…are you to no good?
I am a standard empath. I am strong, confident and independent minded. I am a very good listener I have been told by both normal people and NPD’s. I am not afraid to voice an opposing opinion. I am very caring/nurturing. I feel like an Opera type of person. I love to figure out what makes people tick.
I tend to end up with men who are controlling. I am flexible, but I dislike controlling types. My dad was a very strong figure in my home when I was growing up, but he was not physically affectionate. He did have a temper. I think that in some ways I may pick difficult men in order to try to prove that I can still win daddy over. Dad passed away years ago, but as a child I feared him and missed being told that I was loved by my dad. I knew that he did, but I rarely heard him speak it or show it. When I am with a controlling person, I always think about how one day I will escape and be with a man who is more like me. I want a give and take relationship, where there is mutual respect and peace.
Note: In all of my relationships the men approached me
I didn’t seek them out.
Maybe these controlling men are attracted to my personality because they were abused by their mothers and they like a nurturing woman who will give to them what they lacked growing up. This is similar to why I end up with them, as I stated above.
Data always drive new ideas. It will also provide some validity and provides statistic to further his work. Comments are useful and data; both are subjective however the surveys can be measured .
Honestly, I’ve probably been all types at one point or another. One thing I’m sure of is that I’ve been conned/blinded by your kind repeatedly. But I still believe in love…even though I shouldn’t ( I know….yawn…such a predictable and cliche empath).
Next poll question use nature vs nurture for empath and narcs. The oldest debate😊which i love.
HG, where you surprised that a large percentage of us said we didn’t know what we were? If so, what do you contribute it to?
On your blog about the different types of empaths most identified with one or more of the types/ traits and on here they were unsure.
Good idea Yolo, I have made a note. I was not surprised. The confusion arises because emotional thinking clouds the clarity that is required. With regard to your final observation it may be the case that those who stated they were unsure are not those who ordinarily comment on the blog.
That would definitely be an interesting debate.
I’m a nurse, a caretaker and have been all my life. Definitely an empath, but one who self-examines and is critical of my Narcissistic traits. I’m also still learning about Narcissism. Although I believe I went Supernova during the Hoover.
I did not know who or what I had become entangled with during my relationship with a Narcissist. I truly did not understand there were humans who needed to nurture false relationships for fuel. I thought we were in love until the discard. It took me several weeks to realize I’d encountered a Narc.
When he hoovered, I gave him all the fuel I could. When that fuel was no longer enough, I attacked. I revealed all of his weaknesses, critically. He was shocked and didn’t understand why I would behave as I did… and he was wounded! I realize now that it was a dangerous move on my part, but I believe there will be no second hoover.
I also now realize my ex-husband, married 15 years was also a Narc, although much lower on the Narc scale.
I am not certain what I would be categorized as HG. I am not, co dependent, I am too empathic to be a normal, but I am not a standard empath, as I also have some non harmful narcissistic traits. I am not sure of the super empath classification for myself, as it fits to some degree.
I am a truth seeker and teller, a questioner, a nurturer, I am intuitive, I seek knowledge and understanding, I do not suffer fools well, but I am patient, compassionate, forgiving, I speak my mind and stand up for myself and also try to avoid confrontation.
I read you can tell, what commenters are the more they post. I Probably haven’t posted enough for you to determine what category I fall into. So I guess will safely check off unsure for the time being.
HG, why have so many labelled themselves super empaths? Is that similar to narcissists not knowing what they are? Which by the way, why wasn’t narcissist on the e voting list?
Probably owing to misunderstanding.
Why do you think narcissist was not on the list?
Touché, it was silly question. I do know why. Would have been interesting to see those results though. I really like those polls HG.
There will be more.
Wonderful.
I THINK I’m an empath rather than super empath. When I was with narc I went into super nova big style and took pleasure in belittling and humiliating him. I fought back. BUT I have never before or since felt like that. Other than the ex I have never taken any pleasure in hurting anyone. Quite the opposite. HG said he (the ex) dimmed my empathic traits. So even though I went super nova could I still be just an empath? (Bit confused! )
KCN, just my opinion, but what’s wrong with being “just an empath?” I think it’s a good thing to never take pleasure in hurting anyone. You know from your experience with your narc that if pushed too hard, you will defend yourself. youre learning how to spot other narcs and protect yourself from further abuse. Be happy with who you naturally are. You’re already a super KCN!
Again Im surprised at the poll results. So many Elites in the Narc poll and so many Super Empaths in this one. Makes me wonder if people are really seeing themselves or striving to fit their traits into a more “select” category. I would not have guessed that many Super Empaths from reading the posts here, but then maybe people think that of me and Ive got it wrong also. Maybe we should ask each other what category others would put us in based on our comments and posts. Would be interesting, but of course only for those who invite the guesses and who would not be offended by the responses.
I am not surprised. I knew more would choose Super Empath than actually are that.
HG
So you think Empaths are prone to delusional thinking too then?
Seriously though- do you think this is because we are not paying close enough attention to the information you are providing? Or we wish to see ourselves in more control than we actually are? Or some other reason?
I think it is largely owing to misunderstanding and some of it manifests from defiance as a consequence of how they have been treated.
Looks like there is as much denial and defense mechanisms, and not realizing how/what we are and how we act, on the empath side, as in regular narcs … makes interesting couples…..
It is because you are a Super Narcissist.
I am an Ultra.
You are an ultra
Now I am laughing
Fucking a I am!
Whatever is that language for? Are you OK?
I am excellent well. “Fucking a” means fucking affirmative and is used as an expression of total confirmation – it was the subject of some discussion on the blog a little while ago.
See it isn’t just me!! Can I pass the dunces cap on now?
Fucking A has been around forever. Cant believe people havent heard it. Even we Canadians up here in our igloos use it. Gotta run…… the poutine bell just rang and Im still struggling to put my plaid thong on…
😝😝😝 such a visual image!! I’m going to be imagining plaid thongs at our next Highland games!!! Better not mention it to my daughter. She might want one!
OK. I take it the dunce cap is mine, pass it over 😂
I can take it, but just for a little while 😉
My readers are never dunces.
Except those who forget the alphabet 😂
Bahahahaha. That was a golden moment.
Why thank you
Hi SVR, you can pass it back to me after I went to take the dog for a walk today. Got to the field and realised I’d forgotten the dog.
I kid you not….
With pleasure you numpty 😂
Haha I like being a numpty and wearing the dunces cap. It beats sitting in the naughty corner where I usually am!
Ha ha!!!!!
Hilarious HG!
Thanks for another English lesson. I learn something here everyday.
Wow! Someone is coming in from the weekend on a high. Lol
HG is effective as ever Clarece.
#Hispowerknowsnobounds
Damn right.
OK. ..I tare that back
Oh now I see. Keep kidding yourself 😉
I used “fucking A” a lot in my 20s. Back then i swore, not so much now ive become a goody two shoes lol
Narcangel …its nice to see a fellow Canadian eh! Maybe we can get matching tobagans and toques 😄 itll be our big 150th birthday this yr! I noticed a coin my grandpa gave me is 1867 which is very cool!!
150 years old, you whippersnappers! Should be British North America !
HG
Were the younger hipper Britain. We disengaged in 1982 but your Narcy Queen keeps hoovering and wont discard us.
Ha ha, very good – now off with her head for treason, nobody writes about Her Majesty in such terms.
SVR
No dunce. In Canada its Fucking Eh!
I know our countrys still very young. I do remember singing God Save The Queen in school before the national anthem theyve taken it out if the schools. Its now just our anthem.
Narc Affair
Yes and I was furious at that. I didnt believe in God or that he could save the Queen (from what I asked the teacher and got detention) much less anybody else. I was forced to stand but I refused to sing. Not that our anthem is any better-what a snore.
Oh I don’t know, NarcAngel. I really like your anthem. I think comparing the meanings of the English verses with the French verses makes for an interesting psychological analysis of the two cultures!
Windstorm
Theres two versions? You took the time to COMPARE the two?! Jesus-I live here and Im doing well if I dont nod off before the second verse (whatever that is).
I secretly hope during every Olympics that we dont win any medals so I dont have to be embarassed by it. (Not that its much of a threat).
What does the French version say? Let us separate but keep sending us money from Ottawa?
Ba hahaha.
Before anyine gets their shit all in a knot-Im half French.
The bottom half.
I secretly hope during every Olympics that we dont win any medals so I dont have to be embarassed by it. (Not that its much of a threat). – most entertaining.
NarcAngel
That cracked me up so much I didn’t think I could stop laughing! Probably says something that none of my daughter’s family even noticed my histerics like it was too typical!
In addition to science I taught French for several years. I made them all sing O Canada and La Marseillaise (the state required us to integrate music). If you think yours is bad, you should read a translation of the French national anthem. It’s so gory some girls would turn green! 😱
Just an example from your anthem:
English: O Canada, we stand on guard for thee.
French: (your valor-Canada) will protect our homes and our rights.
One is the doer, the other the passive benefactor (how it seemed to me)
Don’t think you got yours wrong NarcAngel, based on what you’ve said. I think the results of the poll reflect more our ideal we aspire to and hope we’ve attained. Sounds a lot healthier than having too low an opinion of ourselves.
Rating each other would be a zoo, I think! Intertaining for some, but hurtful and anger inducing for many. In my experience people who don’t accurately see themselves rarely see others accurately. And after all, not being able to see others accurately is why most of us are here in the first place.
Hi Windstorm
Yes, you would have to be confident and open to engage in that exercise and thats why I said it could only be by invitation. I think it would be interesting to see if people see you as you see yourself and may help some to revisit information and/or alter their path if they found it valid. Agreed though that most probably couldnt stay objective in this emotional stew of personalities lol.
I like the idea of other people assessing me. The only draw back to that would be the empathic side of us would probably focus on the positive and possibly sugar coat everything.
I asked HG for an honest assessment of me given what he has seen from me. HG is the one person you know ain’t gonna sugar coat haha. It was very interesting and I would recommend it. Of course it’s all dependable on you truly being yourself here. I knew everything I’ve ever written was a true reflection of myself so I knew I could take HG assessment as an honest perception of me.
One of the many things that fascinate me about HG is his ability to accurately read people. There are so many careers he would excel in and I am so eager to find out his chosen profession when he reveals himself. I’m pretty sure I know already but I look forward to confirmation or probably more likely knowing me my complete failure in guessing haha.
Hello NA,
I love all your ideas and would find it very interesting and informative to see how others view you.
This is the one place that I can be open and honest.
I always love your posts.
How’s Canada???? 🍎❤️
Windstorm2
You are right,” not being able to see others accurately is why most of us are here in the first place.” Excellent point! Too bad there isn’t a way we could conduct a double-blind study and the potential for anger and hurt is a concern if we rate each other. I am going to read some more. I will change my status from super empath if warranted. Perhaps, another consult.
Windstorm2 …interesting post. Tbh i had ideas about what some people were and they werent what they put down but then i dont know them personally so itd only be a guess based on their posts and online persona. As for myself im brutally honest with who i think i am and i really dont feel i fully fit in one category but a couple. I feel for sure im codependant based on the dynamics of my relationships and my fears. Yet i do see super empath in myself bc i do garner strength over time and get to my limit of abuse and retaliate. The thing is i havent fully escaped not like my past relationship. When i have retaliated ive felt my narcissistic traits come out. I say traits bc my true core is an empath but i do have some hidden narc traits but they rarely surface. So i feel im not fully codependant or fully super empath. Also ive felt like a doormat bc i have a hard time saying no to people or being assertive. Ive improved in this area but still have a tiny bit of this.
I feel to lie to myself about who i am is doing myself no favors.
Ah, but like you said, Narc Affair, in reality we are many things and different things at different times. I remember being shocked long ago in some psychology class to hear that while it is possible to define an average person from any group, you can never find any one person who has ALL the attributes of an average member. That’s a pitfall in all labels- no one fits exactly. I imagine that’s why Indy hates labels so much. They can be very useful, but only up to a point. They are generalities, not specifics.
Forgot to mention…i like narcangels idea of letting each other know what we think we are. It could be dicey tho bc some could take offence or it may be used in a less than genuine manner. It would be interesting tho. By invitation only is a good way to go about it.
I know of 3 people here im certain are super empaths.
Shouldn’t be hard if HG doesn’t object. Just ask for opinions. I’ve never had favorable results when people tell me about myself. I keep such a huge part of myself and my opinions hidden because they are not acceptable in my society. Normal people here don’t handle my opinions well. That’s one reason I like narcissists. They just find the bizarre interesting and have no desire to correct me.I do share more in this blog, but I know I don’t really know any of you all, so I doubt you know me. Written comments are a very imperfect picture, if that’s all you have to go on.
I was surprised by these results more then the poll on which type of narcissist we were ensnared by.
Lol NA I am an empath that can not keep a freaking keyboard due to ah um help from dear you.
This poll is interesting indeed, people want to feel good and always see themselves in the best possible light, nothing wrong with that. Yet IMO if you continue to lie to yourself you will never truly heal or be able to keep from being ensnared again.
I believe narcissists can be the start to healing from the wounds that were created long ago which leave us as easy targets. They have a sixth sense to these wounds and then rip them open, and begin to poke and prod so we bleed. we don’t look at them because we are focused on the here and now because it is easier to shift blame and add to the original wound. Focusing on healing ourselves from the root cause brings a different kind of freedom.
The lies we tell ourselves do more damage then any other lies told to us.
Lies come
Dressed up for the party 🎉
Truth walks in naked
This was never stated for what is told from the outside in, but inside out. The hardest person to be honest with is oneself.
I agree with you, narcangel!
I for my part didn’t know which label to put onto myself.
I am still hoping for HG to explain what I am as an empath who desperately wants to know about everything concerning the narcissistic partner. Because this desire to know is my most prevalent trait.
Please, HG, could you tell me what I am?
Privately yes.
Ursula
Haha. You must be a Truth Seeker then. It might be wrapped up in the 5 rules that he does not offer an analysis. As well, in a consult much more can be gleaned than from just comments alone and things that we might not want to put in print for others to see. That route is best if you really want to get to the bottom if it. People pay much more to a fortune teller on a lark to hear utter nonsense and here you have the opportunity to find out something that can aid you in your actual future.
HG, I feel greatly honored by being offered a private email-Consultation.
To tell the truth, I want it, but I am still gathering my strength to confront myself with what you will tell me – and HOW you will do it!
When you are ready you know what to do.
Ursula
How he will tell you?
He uses words lol.
What he will tell you?
What he sees and believes based on the information you give him.
It is just that. Words and opinion in an email where no harm can come to you. What you do with them is completely within your power and up to you, and isnt that great? Take control in small bites.
Narcangel, thank you very much.
Truth seeker, yes that ‘s what I am!
Concerning a private Consultation by HG – I am still gathering my strength and courage to engage in this adventure! But some Day I will…
NarcAngel,
How we perceive ourselves can differ from how other people see us. Both points of view are important to protect ourselves from narcissists and other predators.
EB
Yes exactly. Both points of view are important and most of us only have one-our own.
Having other opinions interests me. I dont have to accept it or adopt their view but I like to hear it none the less to see if it gels at all with the way I think I am. It also tells me a lot about the person I am dealing with.
But alas too many people consider a difference of opinion an argument or a confrontation instead of a conversation. and will not be honest for fear they would offend. They look for only the good as theyve been taught and fear being labelled negative. And so we go on showing the same face to the world.
The Narc counts on this and is seldom disappointed.
EB
I just got a reply from you to a post on another thread May (23rd I think). Just to let you know thats why there was no response. Chalk it up to spam dungeon or WordPress.
NarcAngel and HG
I was wondering the same thing. I am up for guesses and responses, as long as no one gets defensive. I will go back an reread everything on empaths, because I am not completely sure either and accuracy is important.
Well , I know what my ex is because I established this through consultation.
It’s hard for me to judge myself tho. I have noticed that there is a big difference between how people who know me perceive me and what I deeply think about myself. I’m often pleasantly surprised. Maybe it’s because I am very hard on myself.
Hi NarcAngel,
Just to let you know that I have just seen your two posts of June 16th (7:44 and 11:28 pm). Thank you! I did not receive any emails with your replies and they are not shown in the notification panel (bell) on wordpress.com. I will write again tomorrow.
Hi NarcAngel,
Having other opinions interest me too. Of course, there are things readers do not know about us and this is not the same as in real life but other people’s views can be helpful.
I have not read all your posts. I do not know if you have been actually ensnared by a narcissist in an intimate relationship. If I may, I would say you seem to be either an Super Empath or a Normal leaning towards the Empath kind. Your opinion is welcome.
EB
Ha. Never been accused of being normal. Agreed that you can only get a glimpse of people here as most want to behave in a manner that allows them to keep interacting and this includes me. If I were as blunt as I am in real life sometimes here (yes for those who are familiar with me-it gets worse), Im guessing mine would be quite limited. Its not that I look to insult but I like to think we can take in information as simply that and not to have to dress it up in flowers all of the time. A disagreement to me is just conversation, not a dismissal of the person behind it. So I dont know if you would like me in real life lol. To answer your question: I was from age 5 to 18 exposed to my mothers choice of a violent lesser and did not know my real father. I feel my mother abandoned us (I am oldest of 4) to cater to his control. Next to my mother, it was I who he targeted most and I fought him and learned to play his games. I believe thats why I am so narcissisrtic-I had to be. I felt I needed to take control for the other children because my mother did not, so I only know responsibility. I do not feel this all consumimg love that people speak of and am not a devotee. The way I was raised (ha!) has caused me to view even sex differently. It is about power and control and tempoary satisfaction. So yes, I have had intimate encounters with narcissists (but none like Mr Tudor), and of course deal with them at work and personal life as do we all. I have also been married once for 6 yrs (young) and have been in a relationship (I call it a partnership) for 30 yrs. I had those encounters during these relationships and only for the purpose of ensnaring them and exacting revenge on them as proxies for Stepnarc. That is why I guessed at Super Empath as most of it seemed to fit. I will have to read more of your posts as I dont know enough about your situation. There are several on here whose guess at what they are surprised me based on their comments and posts and thats what caused my intial comment and made me consider if maybe I hadnt got it wrong as well.
We are all still learning.
NarcAngel,
Thank you for your kind reply. I am very sorry to hear that you mother did not protect you from her violent Lesser and neglected all of you and that you were not able to know your real father. This is inexcusable. I can understand that if you had not taken care of your younger siblings, nobody would.
We have some things in common and I think I would like you in real life because you are direct and open-minded. I can be blunt too sometimes, depending on the situation, and I expect other people to be honest too. A disagreement is not the end of the relationship either. Some people do not want to deal with conflict and if there is some kind of disagreement, the relationship will never be the same. They will make me believe that everything is fine between us and that they are respectful of each other’s opinion but afterwards they will do something like talking behind my back and painting me black.
Like you, I am the eldest. I was told I was responsible for other family members and was raised to become a narcissist. My mother made me the SG. When I went to university my father joined her as he saw me as a competitor (professionally). Cutting off contact with them was not a problem as I do not have feelings of obligation and guilt.
One of my narcissists traits is that I do not like any kind of social jobs, although I have to do something in this area daily since my husband became ill.
I have more empathic traits than narcissistic ones. Some people mistake the intense attraction at the beginning of a relationship for real love. I have to be emotionally involved with someone to have sex. It is good that you have learnt to deal with narcissists. I feel drained by some of them.
Unless we work on ourselves, we will believe that our Self is what our narcissistic family told us about us (weak, pathetic, useless, malignant, worthless and so on) and we will behave that way.
I take back my Unsure actually – I refuse to be labelled. I am not a storage box.
Flickatina
Back in your box and up on the shelf little toaster!
I have Borderline Personality Disorder with strong narcissistic traits. I enjoy reading your texts. Over the years I have learned empathy, or, preferably or acceptable reacting. I think I am good in it, I know how to use it well. My primary intention is not to be evil. Deeper analysis of all this is to dismember on some other components, components that contain a lot less emotion and compassion.
Thank you DarkBorder and welcome on board.
As has been mentioned previously, I too am a child of a narcissist/alcoholic father & a codependent mother.
I started off as my mother’s mimic.
As I grew, I decided that was not who I was and detached enough to become a super empath.
After 20 yrs of scrutiny of my past & how it affects my present day affairs, I have accumulated life tools that have given me the ability to step back further and become an empath.
Still sensitive in nature, trust is earned not handed over; respect is given based on actions not words.
The last year has been the most challenging for letting go of many past experiences all insidiously including a narcissist somewhere.
The work of letting go is supremely challenging yet worth the prize which is an emotional liberty, freedom if you will to express myself without the need of external validation & approval …..this need was what got me in trouble in the first place.
Sincere thank yous to the author & the commenters who have given their insights along my journey.
You are most welcome AR.
Super empathy baby!
Easy there Austin Powers.
You love it
Listen I know my ADHD can be overwhelming at times 😂😜
A. Intutive Super Empath??
B. Anchor ?
C. Lower Midrange Narc?
D. All the above?
I am so uncertain, I’m confused, I am frustrated, and those are the ONLY things about me i truly know for sure ! But isnt that part of the reprogramming process? After letting my husband (Greater/elite/sociopath) know that i have figured out what he is. He tells me I am one of his kind too. I was stunned, and curious , and without words. Is this part of his grandhoover? Another trick to gain control over me? Why is he so cool and casual with this topic
with me? I refused to let him come back home last year. Not as my spouse anyway. I have moved forward. Gave birth to another man’s baby . ( 8 months and 2 weeks post discard)
But I’m not content. He knows I am not… what does he expect from me? Gotta be more to his plan than fuel. He isn’t lacking alternate sources, I promise!
HG,
Is there a way to actually determine what I am? I have mixed feelings about what he has claimed. However, I can’t deny having certain traits, and tendencies of a narc. I just didn’t know a thing about your kind, til after i was discarded last year!
I keep my husband at a close distance, cause I know how he operates. Watched him before , with his previous wife. I was her immediate replacement.. I can’t help but love my husband with everything I got in me. How could I be what he says I am????
A fool I am not. Hopefully.
There is a way to determine, in consultation with me.
His labelling of you is designed to disorientate you and make you question yourself so his hold remains over you.
I was about to say the same thing HG. What better way to send her in a spiral than to accuse her of being the one thing causing her so much pain
In terms of the generic traits outlined in Sitting Target I have a lot of those. Special traits, probably pleaser and damaged. I suppose I can be somewhat masochistic in forgetting my own desires. I’m not anxiously attached or clingy, and I don’t have low self esteem. I rarely take the initiative or act on my perceptions. I tend to see myself as being in a state of paralysis. I have a complex internal reaction to people I perceive as dangerous or malignant. I believe in the efficacy of therapy and of attempting to understand people beyond the superficial.
I doubt people who know me construe me as empathic. Are their perceptions fallible? I don’t know. Perhaps I am a sympath as I am apt to feel sorry for them despite knowing the inappropriateness of doing so.
Greetings, H.G., from North Carolina – where narcissists are as thick as grits…but no worries, world!…there’s a church on every corner!….problem is: the preachers and the church-goers! Truth! I am writing my novel about the predators and hypocrites that hide behind, “Now, you have a blessed day, ya hear!”
I was raised in New York, an adult child of an alcoholic father/narcissist. My mom was a great artist/painter and she was co-dependent and weak toward my father…and I learned to respond to my father that way, as well. I always tried to ‘fix’ him…figured there had to be some way. He was a brilliant in that he was musically gifted, highly intellectual, educated, a top exec at AT&T, good parents. His mom died of tuberculosis when he was two and he was raised by his evil aunt who got on the phone and said, “I’m going to call the orphanage if you don’t behave!” That was only the tip of the iceberg regarding the traumas that ole’ witch inflicted on my father that became her recipe for the raising of a monster…
I never trusted my own feelings because they were never acknowledged or they were negated. It was safer for me to be INVISIBLE to escape physical or emotional torture…so I lived the life of a ghost…one that didn’t matter.
I have lived a life of survival only…putting others before myself…denying my gifts until very late in life…my father committed suicide and left me enough money to go to college at an older age, become a concert pianist and artist/painter/writer. I am in the process of deprogramming my co-dependency patterns. I hopelessly remained in one narcissistic relationship after another until I got a REAL awareness from reading your work. YOU HAVE SAVED MY LIFE…and I want you to know the impact your work has had. Thank you.
Hello Monster Magnet and welcome on board. Thank you for your comment, you paint a picture in those few paragraphs and I am pleased to note the impact my work has had on you. Your opening line amused me, made me think this might be written on a bill board as you cross the state line!
I am magnet empath…both a blessing and a curse. People are always drawn to me. Other people then resent my confidence.
I voted for myself. I read the various comments liked some and enjoyed a chuckle or two at others. I must say statistically this is interesting related to poll numbers and percentages. I can’t say that I feel like exposing my belief in the category I believe I am. Why expose that to the narcissistic HG? Furthermore, many claiming to be super empaths are actually seeking approval from HG related to their self analysis. Hello!!! you just gave away your power and control to HG!!
The only place I relinquish control is in bed. That’s why my Narc will never let me go. He is my equal in bed. I’ve never met anyone who could make love like that. Even if it’s a mirror of everything I want and none of it is real, it’s more real than anything I e ever felt with a non Narc and I’m ok with that. Sad that it takes a mental illness for a man to be that good good in bed. That in cue to my response. Wonder what that makes me. He is my Mine and I am His. Forever. There is no going back. I will spiral into hell with him.
I started a journal 2 weeks after meeting my Narc. I even stated in it that I didn’t know why I was doing it. I just felt like I had to. I wore that I was afraid that I would die. Not sure if by his hand, by my own or just the sheer will of not wanting to exist anymore if he should leave. I titled it “My Decent into Hell with Michael Brumlow”. I showed it to him once. The tittle instigated a rather lengthy silent treatment. But he came back.
CJ,
Are maybe you are in denial or your category wasn’t listed on purpose.
I could only hope HG will continue to use the data gathered to further his goals as long as the consequences to posters remain the same or advanced.
My fear, is he sale the blog or use his minions to respond to comments. A late response is better than a fake one.
I’m a Super Empath. I wish I was less of an empath and had more N traits though. So tired of attracting N’s in all areas of my life.
I’m an empath. I cry watching movies, cry watching people who are crying and from listening to songs… I wish I knew what I know about narcissists and what they do so that I could stay away. I should’ve listened to my gut feeling when I met him… He violated my boundary by coming/standing too close to me. That made me feel uncomfortable.
I wish I weren’t as “empathic” or whatever label we all somehow get. I wish there weren’t such polar opposites of people that we’re less than animals to each other. I wish I didn’t feel as much as I did, honest as it gets. I also tho admit I don’t even know tho if my empathy is just as self serving. I have no clue.
I chose super empathy. When pushed I fight back the best I can but that started as I got older. I never fought with anyone in my younger years nor now to think about it just with my husband. I like to keep peace. Other than that I can’t say no to anyone and I feel guilty easy if I can’t help them. Like now my husband asked me to do something and I said no for the first time and he turned around and asked me to do something else and put a guilt trip on it and I fell for it and said ok. Or If someone like a stranger yells out at me driving , that would bother me for days. Seriously I get effected by that, but now I don’t care I’m aware. To a point. I am attracted to narcs for sure. I like their leadership and power and I have no problem handing that over to them. And they like my agreeable personality or they use me for it. Oh, and if I love you I will give you all my money. But not anymore. Sort of.
Dear H. G.,
I always knew I was an empath. I recognize that in the past I had some co-dependent traits. I don’t know if I am a super empath though. I’d like to think so, but I doubt it. What do you think?
I’m definitely a Super Empath. I’ll give more chances than one deserves (not anymore thought since learning my lessons from HG) and I can definitely show my Narcissistic traits when I need to. When my limits and boundaries have been pushed too far, either all hell can break loose or I’ll cut you out of my life completely without an ounce of regret, remorse or guilt. Up to that point, I’ll give you my everything.
HG .. Is it possible for a relationship with (what I’ve gathered thus far from your blog) a Greater maybe possible Sociopath, could a person become codependent as a result of the abuse? Or is it all denial you’re just codependent? I’ve never looked to anyone to ‘fill me up’ that’s all, but in relationships I do change, I kind of fall apart, I think they’ve stopped loving me and they’ll leave (everyone has my whole life!!) Then I act mental & push & push & by the end I don’t know what was reality and what was my crazy!! That’s what keeps me bound to my Greater because I just can’t trust my own judgement on us.. 🙁 (Plus the trauma bonding is UNREAL) I’ve never known what’s normal, I have to ask other people. 🙁 Definitely going to need to do a phone consultation with you, I’ve tried so hard to fix myself, I don’t ever ask for help, but I just can’t anymore. 🙁
The co-dependency is already there, the abuse brings it to the fore.
Indeed it does=codependent becomes complete if they awaken
You pretty much described half my life. It’s called BPD
I think super empath due to how much I take without breaking before realizing how fruitless it all is. And then when I’m done, I’m done. There is definitely lingering damage, but once the facade is poisoned I can’t see/love/ provide fuel to the person as I once did.
I went supernova on my narc in the months before our divorce. I intentionally provoked him by ignoring his presence, his comments, and his needs. Exactly what he regularly did to me. Of course, his abusive behavior escalated, eventually becoming physical. I’m sure he didn’t think I would leave after 11 years of marriage and four children. I obtained a restraining order, moved 2000 miles, and have shattered his reputation with the courts by providing video evidence of the abuse he claims never happened. I’m not sorry. Occasionally I do feel a pinch of guilt, but then I remind myself that I’m still not healed from years of verbal and mental abuse and he deserves worse. Yes, I have narc traits and I will use my dark side to defend myself and my children no matter the cost.
I don’t really know what I would be, but I hurt and ache for my parents, which both are Narcissistic and my brother, from what I have read is the Golden Child, and flying monkey. Sad, really readlly sad, the situation.
HG you wrote that by the comments we make on the blog ( depending on how often we comment) you can tell what we are. So out of the majority that posted today what is the percentage of us that actually got it right?
Im sure we have to pay for a consult, to find out if we “self diagnosed” correctly, lol… right Professor Tudor?
Correct because to do so accurately requires time and application and is best reserved for that forum. I have explained to people what they are when they have asked me during the course of a consultation on other matters.
I understand completely
Oooo! Good catch Ms. Brown!! I missed that move. *chuckles*
Slick, HG! I like your business sense! Labeling is certainly an industry that makes tha dough! The thing is knowing what to do with that label and if it’s useful. Some labels are trash in the world, while others are powerful (both negatively and positively). I think, HG, your labels definitely validate a lot of things for those of us that relate to them.
Thank you.
Hello HG,
Before finding out about narcissism I was never aware of what a codependent was or an empath. When I started reading I found out that that’s what I was. I never finished the codependent book that I started because I found your books and blog to be much more informative.
When I read your Magnet Empath article I immediately saw myself. You had described me perfectly. My damn light is always on!!!! I try to walk through my day without talking to people but it never fails, someone always approaches me and talks to me.
I wanted sooo bad to fix my ex and that was a hard lesson to learn.
HOPE is something that almost destroyed my life. I believed in it more than anything. Now I don’t have it. And your saying “Hope dies last” from your book will be in my head for the rest of my life.
I also always believed in fate and I thought that’s what brought my ex and me together.
I thank you for being my therapist. You are the best out there.
Thank you SW.
Have related to your comments from day one Snow White. Every time you write something I wonder if you actually dated my ex.. Its spooky how similar our stories are.. Keep your chin up beautiful.. *warm hugs*
Hello Some One!!!
I’m glad that my posts have validated someone else and maybe have helped. I’m sooo sorry that you have a similar story and hope that you are in a better place after a year of hearing mine. It’s been beyond eye opening finding out about narcissism and about myself. I really feel like the original Snow White after she awakens and realizes that she lives in a whole new world. I will never be the same and everything is not how I thought it was.
Thank you for the hugs and I’m sending them right back at you. ❤️🍎❤️
Take care!!!!!
Snow White
And the least expensive!
Magnetic Empath here, educated in Cluster B personalities (two family members are Borderline – ya!). I’ve been studying your posts, and determined I had a Mid-Ranger as a long-time platonic friend. The number of times he blew hot-and-cold are legion. Recently, he did it again, and I went Super-Nova on him. He departed quickly, but not before he maligned me on social media (in a “dignified”, passive-aggressive way). Bye Felicia! Thanks to you HG, I laughed in lieu being irritated. Please keep up the good work!
You are seizing the power BICB.
I didn’t vote. I have escaped 3 times from 3 narc/psychopaths so maybe I am a super-stupid-empath. I know I have poor boundaries, low harm avoidance, and high thrill seeking (as Sandra Brown ezplains…the super traits.). My dad is an elite cerebral. It all goes back to our FOO. HG, perhaps a quiz is in order to more accurately populate your poll.
Free Bird
Hilarious, I think I am a “super-stupid-empath” like you!
I think I’m a standard empath, until I am crossed, then the horns come out lol. Is it possible to be an “situational empath” lol?!
Natalie
“situational empath” Excellent, I love that.
I know how empathic i am. I feel too much on my opinion. Way too much.
I am caring giving and understanding.. very loving..but… when I must, and when i finally have had enough bullshit behaviour thrown at me.. I simply cannot stand the injustice of it…so i counter with every fibre in me.
I am independent and organised and in the final analysis I wont tolerate being ruffled up continually.
I never fail to escape.
Never.
If somebody ruffles me up for so long they end up being ruffled up themselves..
I go off to lick my wounds but make sure I’ve bitten and made some wounds of my own before I go….(lol)
Although seriously it’s not funny.🤐
I’ve learnt a lot about myself in learning about my entanglements with narcissists. it’s all being really enlightening.
I like these polls. Gets a thinking cap on.
Ruffled up. Terribly English. I say old bean you ruffled me up there, so I am going to have to ruffle you up after I have taken my snuff what what!
Huh?
Lol..”old bean” ⤵
“I say old chap…what the blue blazes are you doing with that snuff box..”
⬇⬇⬇⬇
Lol you already know
Yet this is a very interesting poll HG
I sooo wish I could say normal!
I am a believer in the Power of love. I want to fix and heal.
But most of all I want to know things and look behind facades and locked doors. I want to lift veils, solve riddles and discover secrets.
In the relationship with my narcissistic lover there was a strong criminalistic element breaking through within my behaviour.
I was spying on him from the beginning. I wanted to know where his wealth came from, what his girfriend locked like, who were the members of his Harem and what his childhood was like.
I pretended to be naive and inexperienced when I was together with him and tried to find things out while I was having sex with him.
He on his part was and is very secretive. He wouldn’t tell me his family name and where he was living… After months I found out with the help of the Internet …
I made a project of researrching, observing and discovering as much about him as I could.
And I am feeling very compassionate about the traumatic childhood he had to suffer through.
So, please tell me: what kind of empath am I????
What type of empath? Did you say he had a girlfriend and you didn’t know any of his family? He didn’t tell you his last name or where he was living? Are you robot? We may not know that they are narcs but siri had more info in him prior to your stalking. Next time stalk before spreading. We’ve all been mislead but I would hope not to this extent.
Stalk before spreading. Too funny.
Very good, Yolo – stalk before spreading. Yes, funny. And well put.
I also find it offensive to hear that someone puts herself in danger knowingly and willingly and kind of seeks it – compared to the type of abuse and relationship dynamic others here had to go through. I find that actually cynical.
That also hasn’t anything to do with being an empath!!, nor putting oneself at the mercy of an anonymous sexpartner anything with meeting a narc. Sometimes, looking at ones own behaviour would be enough.
My mum was a narcissist I was the lonely child but treat more like the scapegoat & used to play games between the golden child & main scapegoat. I think I teeter on the edge of codependent 🙁 I’ve always had traits, I have a reactive attachment disorder, due to sexual abuse & other bs from childhood, my relationship brought all of that to the surface, & I met ‘my creature’ for the first time and I hurt so much I wanted to die. 🙁 I know I’m not a narcissist because I can fix myself up when ‘creature’ comes, Before all of this I had no idea that I had that level of hatred for myself at my core, its so frightening when I feel that way its like I’m literally teetering on the edge of something.. Insanity maybe?? I have C-PTSD & I D.I.D so I’m not really sure who I am day to day but I did recognise myself in the magnet empath article but I could be a super empath?? During devaluation I was quite scrappy. Lol.. But then again I’m also extremely bratty as I have a ‘little’ alter which I wasn’t aware of until all of this.. To sum up I’m a hot mess. Ha!! Definitely an empath strong codependent traits.. Oh btw.. Hi Mr HG Tudor I’ve been reading for the past year, but I decided to come out of hiding as I’m exhausted with fighting alone.. Thank you for helping me for so long, you don’t know this but you’ve saved my life more than once.. Please excuse the essay.
Hello Some One, welcome on board and well done for clambering out of hiding. I considered putting Hot Mess as a category but then decided it would become a one-sided poll! You are welcome SO and do keep reading.
Ha, ha, ha!!!
Day made!! Thank you HG!! 🌹 🙂 <– x100000
You are welcome.
Hi some one, don’t fight alone. We’re all here! 😊 and HG allows us to rant and vent our anger about our narcs (as long as it gets back to being about him again after a while 😉) so write away. Remember, we get it and as much as we can be we’re in it together.
Welcome to the Tudettes 😊
I recognize many co dependent traits, I am also aware of some narcissistic ones. I’m not sure how strong my empathic traits are.
I’m very sensitive tho. I cried when Mufasa died in The Lion King musical 😪( lots of fuel for my ex who was sitting next to me ).
Seriously,I don’t know what I am . 🤷🏻♀️
I will need another consultation to establish this I guess.
I’m definitely not normal.🙃
I don’t think any of us are normal. I was so empathic from such a young age that I became extremely introverted. A loner. I literally couldn’t handle all of the emotions when I would go anywhere. It would exhaust me. If I had known what was going on maybe I could have been taught to deal with it and use it to my advantage. But instead it warped me. I don’t have many friends. It wasn’t until I was much older that I stumbled upon the answer. My earliest memories are of being depressed and hating myself. But I thought that was how everybody felt. My answer to that was to become whatever my mate wanted. He was my world. All I needed or wanted. It wasn’t until I started looking into NPD that it all started to come together. The Empath, the BPD the Narc traits for self preservation when Narc would start devaluation. I didn’t recognize myself! I was actually even more venemous and spiteful and evil than he was. It scared the hell out of me. I was so confused. When I read HGs post about going Supernova….was the most recent click in my life. It was me! I hadn’t realized what was happening to me! That wasn’t me at all. I told my Narc I didn’t like what I had become when he does me that way. It because I felt like I was becoming him and I couldn’t control it
And sadly nothing will ever be the same..
They changed us. I feel like part of me died forever..
Abrokenwing –
Nothing will.ever be the same. So live life to the fullest with the parts of you that survived. There’s a lot of amazing stuff that’s still yet to happen.
:Wendy shakes the muck off of herself, reapplies her lipstick and trudges forward: ☺
I’m not sure what I am. I feel very deeply and passionately for a time but then I turn away from anyone who does not reciprocate. My real love seems to be toward babies, animals and all nature. My three sons are, of course, my true loves and will be forever. My love for my first husband turned off the day he told me he had put a snake in my car just as I had to leave for work. The second husband killed my love by being indifferent and jealous of our son. The last narcissist was a lust which began just by hearing him sing without knowing what he looked like. I started looking at every photo I could find. When we met, the chemistry was beyond any I’ve ever experienced.. Almost knocked me down and I had to be held up walking away from him. That was before I knew about the way they will look into your eyes to seduce. A friend took a picture of he and I looking at each other which she showed me later. I used to see something in the picture which now I know wasn’t real. I’ll probably never stop listening to him or attending concerts but I did for a time while I was learning about narcissists. Maybe I’m no kind of empath. I am not long suffering. I never hate anyone but I know exactly when I turn romantic love off. The way I was raised probably should have caused me to be co-dependent but I’m a strong woman overall.
Preditoriknow, you reminded me of an episode from my past. One time when I was first engaged I went out to my fiancés house. He (17 at the time) and his 3 younger brothers were playing ball out in a field by the house. I went up to the house and was shocked to find a 5 gallon bucket with a snake loose in it blocking each outside door. Their 6 year old sister was crying hysterically in her room.
When the boys came in I told my future husband how upset his little sister was. He said, “yeah, she’s terrified of snakes. That’s why we put one at each door. Mom told us to babysit her and not let her go outside in the dirt.”
Effective.
oh hey…. isn’t that the similar technique HG used on his nephews with the Teapot Video?
I am appalled at the snake in the bucket to keep little sister in the house! I’m not afraid of snakes because they have a role in nature, but the thought of one slithering across my feet while driving wasn’t fun. He wouldn’t say what kind of snake he put in. A snake never appeared so I know he lied. I had to pay him money to get out of my house and I divorced him after I became a paralegal. He never tried to see his two sons nor paid a cent of child support but he was caught looking in my windows after dark and went to jail for it. Of course his mother got him out.
Not sure of what I am. I have narcissistic traits.
I am an empath.. but without realizing why (until now.. thanks to your insights and some therapy), I realized my ex helped me become a codependent in that relationship. The perfect storm.. the unknowing empath and a less narcissist. Coming together in early 20s and fine tuning their perfectly disastrous relationship, until I shed my codependent skin and said enough. He hates now that I can recognize the games he tries to play. Even while he is unaware he is playing them.
I’m an ACOA and a people please but not fixer. I’m so live and let live that I don’t know how to label myself other than naive trusting doormat. Where’s that button?
Super Empath