Little Acons – No. 6
A series of memes which encapsulates the mind set of the narcissistic parent towards their child result in the creation of the Adult Child of a Narcissist.
47 thoughts on “Little Acons – No. 6”
Vent Your Spleen! (Please see the Rules in Formal Info)
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My eldest sister got a lot of money from my narc parents to build a house she owns – for them. 1/3 of that money was intended for ME by my grandparents, they gave it to her behind my back. That house which my mother inhibits now is in the same village as my sister’s. My sister is the one who has to show up each week for lunch at matrinarc’s nowadays and who makes pottery together with her. And of course she has to look after the house.
I on the other hand live waaaay too far away to come visit often.
🙂
But even though this is a little revenge on my sister without me having to do anything, it is still matrinarc living off the fat of the land (she has stolen).
Who will you be when you extract your revenge on the lot of them. Will this melt the beast behind the facade? If not, why bother? For the money? Will you get your cut before they die? I would think it is dangled just out of your reach at all times. I hope you know for fact it will be willed to you.
I know how this works all to well. I think you understand my position and why I ask these questions.
I wish you peace for one day. No buzzing within your mind, No fear of the monster of the awful truth. I do not wish you to be “normal” as what is normal anyway? Just for one day……to just be…..peaceful.
Did you get the Dr. Seuss books? I am ready.
Vengeance.
I would want vengeance but I realized, it all works out like it supposed to be. I sit back and watch.
Something is watching over me and eventually it happens. Most times it is sooner than later. Why is this?
I win most times and I do not play the game. Funny how this works out for me.
I hope you get your vengeance.
Little HG deserves to be avenged.
ok… I’m going out on a limb here and i expect to be buried alive….
HG, a question that has been burning in my mind…. You say you see no need to change and are comfortable being what and who you are. You are powerful, educated, adored, abhorred, successful beyond most, driven etc…. you don’t care to feel emotion, only “do” logic and it all serves you very well, no? YOU wouldn’t be whom you are without how the Matrinarc raised you…
My question, why then do you want to bring down Matrinarc? She had a hand in making you this way, this brilliant successful machine. Shouldn’t you be grateful to her instead? I mean if you hated your life and hated the way you are, your intelligence, your status, your class, etc., what you do to get where you are (and much more, all amazing) then I would understand it… can you please elaborate. I see you as being hypocritical in a way…. disclaimer: I DO NOT condone the abuse of a child nor Narc abuse of victims… I am a victim as well, of both. I just have this burning question Id like to explore and have answers. Thank You, HG!
I am the one who created the brilliance, not her.
Excellent answer, SO TRUE! You are a brilliant star☆ thank you ♡♡
Thank you.
I work with abused and neglected children through my occupation. In many cases, one child is singled out for abuse, while the others are not. Usually we discover that sexual abuse is a factor also (either the parent perpetuates the abuse or does not protect the child from abuse from others). If it’s not too personal would you mind sharing if that was the case with you also?
If what was the case Natalie? Was I sexually abused or was I the only one singled out for abuse?
I’m sorry, I meant to ask “Were you sexually abused”?
I was.
I’m so sorry…as always, your transparency and honesty is appreciated.
Will that person also pay the price with your Grand Design? It should happen. That was a horrible act put upon you as a child.
It will all come tumbling down on them, the whole bloody edifice.
I understand if you don’t want to answer this one. Did matrinarc sexually abuse you?
No.
What is the Grand Design? Whenever this person is punished, hopefully the abuser will be punished severely so he/she can’t victimize anyone else.
HG,
I want to repair the damage of years of THIS with my brother. But the thing is, he might be a narcissist as well.
You’ve stated repeatedly and in detail over numerous posts how a romantic relationship with a narcissist is inevitably doomed. But from what I’ve read, you actually have a good relationship with your own younger brother. Even if you cannot actually love him, you do seem, from what you’ve written, to trust him and like him on a stable long-term basis. And I want that for me and my brother if it’s at all possible.
So, in your opinion…is it possible?
I do not trust him entirely.
You can have a more productive relationship with a familial narcissist, for instance a sibling, once you understand what they are and what is happening. You are less likely to be devalued owing to the intermittent involvement leading to an elongated golden period. You cannot cure him, but you could have a relationship with him.
I do not see how I can have a productive relationship with my narcissistic sister at the moment. Maybe it will come.
HG, you have said that Matrinarc did not show any favoritism when the three of you were children. That means there was not a lot of rivalry among you three, I think that is the reason you have relatively good relationships with your siblings.
If there is something my mother did, was put my siblings and I against each other. She divided to conquer. We would fiercely compete and fight while she’d collect the fuel. It was very effective. So, as you can imagine, we are not able to have the closest of relationships as adults. Not even with my non narc sister.
Oh crap. I missed this response somehow. Sorry.
And wow, this is a lot more optimistic than I expected from you. 😀 Apologies for my preconceived notions, but I was kind of expecting a different response.
And don’t worry, I’m not so delusional as to think my love can cure an ingrained personality disorder. 😀
Resonates 😨
There was so much triangulation between my sister and I that we never knew who was ahead. My sister and I didn’t speak for 6 years as adults because of it. She was the first to go no contact with our mother. It took me longer to see the truth but I am no longer in contact either. She has lost her only granddaughter as well. My sister and I have a strong relationship now. Learning all the things my mother said about us to each other was like a dam breaking. We were stunned.
The only weapon my mother has left to use against us is our inheritance as she is extremely wealthy. I was trying to stay on her “good side” so that she wouldn’t change her will. Learning from HG I finally realized she would probably change her will anyway. I was selling my soul to the devil for money, plain and simple. I think reading the will still be difficult…just seeing in writing how much she hated us. Like Christina reading her mother’s will in Mommie Dearest.
My sister and I are broken appliances beyond repair and need to be punished in her eyes. We have been smeared beyond recognition and it seems no one knows what she truly is. Nothing would please me more than outing her for what she truly is…but, HG has convinced me it cannot be done and through the examples he’s provided I believe him.
All this so familiar with my parents. Freaking SAD. After all the descruction my narc mother brought about, she actually had the nerve one day to condescendingly tell me my sister and I should get along after all, she is the only sister I have. What a shame she didn’t think of that before she started bad mouthing all of us to each other to keep us seperate, rather than bring us all together with love or tolerance or something. Instead, she was always driving us apart treating each of us like we were the more special one by using simple critical methods to tell us we were more special than the other and it took it’s toll as my sister have zero relationship anymore. And gues what? yes, it’s all my fault. The scapegoat.
It’s not your fault, Sarabella. These mothers are a cancer. It’s funny because I actually thought I had one of the worst mother’s in the world before stumbling onto this blog. They’re everywhere!! Hiding in plain site.
Me? Sadly, I was too busy trying to prove myself, trying to be someone she would want to care for to ever see that she was so effed up. But I could not figure out why it was that I had dealt with so much of my father issues (he had done something really effed to me) and was still feeling so awful and like a nobody. When this last narc mindfucked me to hell and back again and I finally asked myself, Why the hell did it happen (again?)? And I was in such despair that all of a sudden, all those ‘mom’ things took on a whole other meaning. Then the reality of just how much I never got from her, what that did to me, really started to sink in. So hiding in plain site is so true. Its like society and biology both contrived to prevent me from seeing who she really was all that time.
Sarabella…carbon copy my situation between my brother and I. Being 7 yrs older than him and i helped raise him while my mother worked briefly. She continually triangulated the two of us making him the golden child and me the scapegoat. Hes now a full fledge narcissist and ive had nothing to do with him for 11 yrs. She still tries to triangulate us thru conversation. Shes also guilt tripped me on the fact his daughter and my two kids dont know each other. Ive told her once theyre older its their choice but right now it would mean id be drawn back into that nightmare if a dynamic wih my mother and him and im done with that! She is the reason her grandkids dont know each other not me. She is the reason our family is split up yet she expects us to play happy family bc she wants to pretend. Its a little too late for that now!
Exactly that. Years ago, I made an observation that if it weren’t for my mother, I would not know how my siblings were doing. I was aware she was at the center. But only in the past few years did I see that she was the reason we didn’t have a relationship!! And she will not know my daughter as she made is clear she wasn’t going to visit anymore and I will never visit her again. All her. And you should hear the role I am sure she played in the failure of my brother’s marriage. It all makes sense now.
12345,
I am happy to hear you and your sister have a strong relationship now. My older sister is a MR narcissist and a lieutenant of my mother’s. I have no contact with her and am happy to do so.
My younger sister is an empath, but we have grown apart as a result of mommy’s smearing and, well, all the past.
Some years ago, I explained some members of the family about NPD. No one believed me. They just nodded and ended up treating me like the crazy, ungrateful daughter behind my back. The problem was, I was still emotional and my mother had gotten in long before I did and had already smeared me. She was just having a lot of fun and fuel out of my reactions. Long story.
The funnyis thing that my ex Narc replicated this pattern with his Narcmother on our relationship. He used to say “why can’t you be more like your mom/ your best friend/ my ex/ this woman in tv?”
My younger brothers had to deal with being constantly compared to me.
I was setting the example.
Yes they said that to my brother. Then to me it was you need to be more like your brother. Gotta promote that sibling rivalry, can’t have the children uniting against them. Now they both have said seperately to us, oh so nice to see you and your brother/sister getting along…hah! After that each of us will get ran down….example: your brother is such a know it all, or your sister thinks she’s so smart…..no wins there. Ever!
Oh, and she would do all so discretely and subtly, no one could blame her of anything. She was GOOD. Still is.
This was never said to me in words but actions said this everyday! I cried so msny tears over my inadequacy in my mothers eyes compared to my brother. What was it about im that made him so perfect in her eyes? I beat myself over this for years and came to the realisation i was enough and it was her issue NOT mine. A good parent would never do this to their children. I now know its triangulation and had to do with power, her power. What a weight lifted. Not my issue anymore!
Same, Narc affair. I’m trying to learn how to be happy for my brother’s (many) successes on the inside too, rather than just pretend (but inside be seething with jealousy). To his credit, he worked, HARD, to maintain his perfect status.
It must have been even worse for you if in your family it was completely arbitrary. I’ve always admired my brother, even that admiration was marred by jealousy. If I thought he was completely undeserving, then I probably have really hated him.
If you don’t mind sharing, how did that dynamic affect your relationship with your brother?
And good for you for realizing you’re good enough! 😀
My mother starved me and my sisters so much of her love and recognition that any crumb of it would be fiercely treasured or fought for among the three of us. She loved giving one of us a crumb of her recognition in front of one or the other two (and often in the absence of the one getting the “recognition”) and drink out of our emotional reactions, which could go from sadness and I guess a kind of depression, to anger and big frustration. Then she would make fun of our reactions, or blame us for having it, for being either weak, or silly, or too sensible, or paranoiac and crazy for seeing things that did not exist. She would often bring up those crazy inferior genes we got from our father’s side
I still get all those labels. They make me laugh now. But they were no fun at all for a very long time.
I’m confused. Are these memes what create narcs or empaths who are attracted to narcs?? Or both?
No – read the part under the meme.
Can you draw me a Venn diagram?
I will explain the point with a puppet show. Naturally.
Can’t wait! I will bring the popcorn.
My mother would often say, “Why can’t you be more like your brother?” And I remember saying, “Because I am not J, I am my own person and I am completely different than him, so why would I be like him?” Of course, she never answered. I was about 12 years-old at the time and after I stuck up for myself she stopped comparing me to him. Later, she compared me to my cousin, but I didn’t really care. Mostly I ignored her; I thought she was a fucking idiot.
No! Are you kidding me… seriously.
My little sister is pure E V I L.
I know, trust me, I really really know how bad female narcs are. I feel soooooo bad for all male empaths entangled with one of those witches.
Btw I believe all witches were narcs. There should be a separate Narc Academy for these in addition to schools and cadres. All female narcs graduated from the Witch Academy after narcissist schools. They all have PhDs in it.
All. My sister runs one of those academies. I’ve learned a lot from her, there’s a reason I acquired the super empath status, I had no choice after having been forced thru the Witch Academy..
Hello, ED!
Right…