Sins of the Empath : Positivity


Positivity. Positive outlook. Optimism. The empathic individual which is the target for our kind is blessed with positivity. This ingrained positivity allows them to see the good in people, it enables them to find the silver lining in the gathered storm clouds and grants a motivating factor. By adopting a positive outlook in their life, the empathic individual is inspired to achieve more, to dispel the bad and seize on whatever goodness they can identify, even if it is the merest kernel. This trait enables the empathic individual to cast their optimistic eyes over the bleakest of scenarios and see that there is something good which can be learned from the experience, something decent which is in the pipeline and something to be cherished. In its purest form it manifests as a blind optimism and this powers the empathic individual so they are able to overcome what might be regarded as insurmountable by lesser individuals.

This empathic trait causes the relevant person to reflect on what they have learned from an experience, how the occasion was good for them in testing them, causing them to utilise their resources and to work out a way forward when faced with a problem. Whilst a normal individual might bemoan the situation that has befallen them (and indeed our kind would address it by blaming everybody else and leaving them to pick up the pieces), the empathic individual’s innate positivity causes them to see an opportunity. They see the chance to enrich their own experience, to grow as a person and to demonstrate that with positive thought, positive action and positive attitude no problem is too great, no issue is incapable of resolution and no setback is forever.

Whilst being imbued with this sense of positivity allows an empathic individual to demonstrate fortitude, pragmatism and optimism in their lives and thus they bring with them the capacity to enrich the lives of others, the trait of positivity also generates problems when dealing with our kind.

The positivity invariably blinds the empathic person to what they are actually dealing with. The false positivity which we radiated through our love bombing and the golden period convinces the empathic person that we are indeed a ‘good’ person. Thus, when the monster appears during devaluation, rather than see it for what it is, the manipulations and machinations of a twisted and abusive person, the positive empath strives to harness the good which once existed again. This creates a near indefatigable spirit which in turn causes the empathic person to remain in our grip for far longer than is good for them.

Naturally, this is of no concern to us since we want you to remain in our grip. We want you bound to us and your unrelenting belief that the goodness that you have seen can be brought to the fore again is a weakness of this positivity and invariably puts you at risk. When others would retreat in the face of the eroding and savage manipulations, the empathic individual remains positive. Not only do they wish to sweep away the darkness and find the good in us once again, they regard it as a test of their resolve and therefore increase their positive outlook in order to cater with the slings and arrows which are sent their way.

This positivity lend itself to the making of excuses. Rather than realise that they have been entangled by a deceitful, manipulative abuser, the empathic individual will look to environmental factors – such as the fact that we are tired, stressed or over-worked since that must be what it is that is clouding our innate and once seen inner goodness. If those external factors continue to fail to explain our behaviours, the empathic individual will become introspective and consider that the problem has arisen as a consequence of some failing on their part. They consider that they have not shown us enough love, not asked us how our days has gone, not been supportive enough when we have faced a challenge, not cooked our steak correctly and ever more trivial and meaningless excuses which are trotted out in order to maintain a positive outlook and not give in.

By adopting positivity, the empathic individual places stock in the fact that with the right effort and application things will be worked out and once more will be good again. When a respite period is granted by us during the devaluation, the empathic individual will seize on this as evidence of how their positive outlook has reaped rewards. By hanging in there, never giving up and remaining upbeat they have allowed their positivity to shine through and this has saved the day. Once again however, this dedication to remaining positive has caused the empathic person to fail to notice that this is all part of the ongoing manipulation and is just a brief and passing restoration of the illusion that is the golden period and is done to exploit this belief in remaining positive.

Positivity causes the empath to misguidedly believe that we can be fixed and healed. This positive outlook means that when an objective third party points out the reality of the situation to the empath, they smile and thank them for their observation but find an excuse and point to how remaining true to being positive will once again resolve the issues. The viewpoint is one of if you want something enough then the universe will provide it to you and those with a positive outlook do not waste time wondering why things do not happen as they wish, but rather they do something to bring about what they want and to change things. This attitude may be appropriate to securing a promotion at work, saving to purchase your dream home or being thought of as a kind person by your friends, but it only serves to blind you to what you have been entangled with when it comes to our kind.

It means you are enmeshed with us for longer than you ought to be. It means you suffer the devaluation and all of its awful outcomes to a greater degree than you should. It means that you remain highly susceptible to being hoovered post discard because you believe that we will ultimately see the error of our ways and that we will recognise we have done wrong so that we return to the wonderful, loving and charming person that once seduced you.

Those with this empathic trait in intense amounts will not countenance the manifestation of negativity. They will fight down their anger and replace it with concern. They will dissolve their frustration and exhibit caring instead. This sublimation of emotions only serves to encourage our devaluation as we strive to shatter the positivity and see the tears, the hurt and the despair. Your rejection of negativity means you will not hear ill spoken of us, you will not blame us for what we do and rather than take heed of the negative thoughts which will and do manifest in your mind, you try to force them to one side by engaging in your trait of positivity.

This is a dangerous path to tread. Not only does it blind you to what we are and bind us to you for longer, it means that ultimately you are setting yourself up for devastating disappointment. When the full force of our machinations have been unleashed against you and your considerable coping abilities have been stretched beyond endurance, once this all comes crashing down, the height from which you maintained your positivity means that your fall is all the harder, longer and more painful.

When that discard takes you by surprise, you plummet from your perch of positivity and crash into the dirt, bewildered, exhausted and drained. Yet, it does not take long for this positive trait to re-appear as you soon begin to apply it again, making excuses for why we disappeared, making plans for how matters can be resolved if we just sit down and have a constructive conversation together and how it was good for you to experience this despair, because now you know more than you once did and you can apply this learned experience to your and our advantage by winning us back and helping us with our problems. You can tease out that inner goodness because you will not allow yourself to think it does not exist. To do so offends your sense of positivity.

Negative thoughts however can serve a positive purpose for you, if only you would listen to them. Negative thoughts such as fear manifest to tell you to protect yourself, to defend yourself and to get away from the danger. You however remain in the firing line because you reject the negative and embrace the positive. A negative thought such as feeling unappreciated, lonely or hurt should be recognised as a warning and acted upon, however, the strength of your positivity will invariably override this until it is too late. Indeed, there are those whose degree of positivity is so great that they have become deluded as to what we are and how dangerous we are to you. They are blinded and no matter how often we dole out our cruel treatments, no matter how often others point out the harm that is being caused, they cannot see it because of the effect of their innate positivity.

To do so is indeed a sin in the context of being ensnared with our kind.

The positivity which you should embrace ought to be applied to yourself; that your encounter with us should cause you to learn what we are and how to avoid and evade us in the future.

9 thoughts on “Sins of the Empath : Positivity

  1. jenna says:

    This sounds like me. I try to see the positivity in my ex. I make excuses for his sometimes uncaring behavior. I study npd so he can understand himself better. I talked him out of suicide, explaining that npd is not his fault, and that his shameless casual sex encounters are just a form of him not knowing his identity. Well no more will i do that. Now he has a new niss who he flirts with.
    I can’t handle it so i stopped responding to his texts. I’m in no contact day 8, and it is like hell on earth. I was the one who continued to voluntarily provide him with fuel during his depression, which he eventually utilized to feel superior again and ensnare his new niss. I did it because my heart went out to him since he was sexually abused by an adult male during childhood. But in the process i did not protect myself. And what do i get in return? I was shelved for his new niss, and i experienced alot of heartache.

  2. Yolo says:

    I received a 2 am phone call from the lesser , I swear he waited until the clock struck 2am exactly to tell me he no longer wanted to live and he was going to commit suicide. (Help me I giggle as I wrote that)
    My thoughts went to the 20 year old recently convicted for not intervening and encouraging her 17 or 18 year old ex boyfriend suicide.

    I could only muster up the following statement
    ” if you die then everything goes away”. Living gives new chances”

    I have more empathy for pets. I am not there with the covert, somatic midrange. I fear him physically although he has never threaten me directly. He stalks and will mention certain activities to play mind games.

    I doubt he followed through on his plans but i don’t care. No sympathy, empathy or apathy..🙂

  3. Victoria says:

    HG thank you so much for writing this article.the way you articulated and explained our traits with so much detail. It is amazing how you can articulate and how you know us so well how are you observe our qualities and write them so precisely. You have really touched my heart with this article and I can’t thank you enough😊😊

  4. Hope says:

    Wow, not until this moment did I realize that this type of soul searching positivity was actually an empath trait.
    Always thought optimism & positivity were normal thinking, and that other people were too negative because they just wanted drama.
    Ha, takes *you* to make some of us finally realize that. 😉

  5. Stevie says:

    I have witnessed an eye roll paired with the look of disgust many times by your kind as I attempt to point out a more positive side of viewing things. It’s done covertly so it’s not noticed by the majority, but it’s just enough to notice that there is an underlying hatred for positive thinkers.
    We’re all happy and shit trying to discuss how to have a healthy work environment or how to train a dog without aggression or anger. I feel like it gets under the skin of a narcissist and I’ve learned to enjoy it more and more everyday!

    1. June says:

      I have noticed that. In the case of the ones I know, the eye-rolling comes for certain at any suggestion of a positive view of humanity. Then comes the scoffing and derisive laughter, usually with a comment about my naivety. Sigh. Maybe it is so…but living without any belief in the goodness of people would make me extremely depressed. It did, for the 2 longest years of my life.

      And actually daring to point out a more positive way of looking at things when they’re in a fit of rage…that could be hazardous to your possessions as well as your self-esteem.

  6. K says:

    Being an empath sucks donkey balls.

  7. ajo says:

    Now that was good insight!! I wouldn’t have actually painted myself so positively. I have struggled with gossip and negativity as it was modeled for me by my narc mother. In high school I very much portrayed a narcissist. However, I definitely play the positive encourager in relationships with victims. Lord knows I loved to “rescue”.
    The last bit about fear being a good thing was brilliant! You’re right. That gut feeling I fought the ENTIRE relationship…even when he was acting just perfect.. it was there for a reason. Never feeling like I could trust him before he even gave me a reason not to? That was there for a reason too.
    I’m sure if you took a poll, we’d all say we had an intuitive feeling or something in our gut. Lies don’t carry the same calming, reassuring effect as the truth. It’s quantum physics. Our soul and spirit…they know and try to warn us. Now I know to listen, no matter how much my heart or mind tries to talk me out of it.
    Really, we stay because of fear though… Fear of being alone. Fear of being rejected. Fear of abandonment. Fear of not finding love again, etc.

  8. You just described me perfectly. It astonishes me. I am still this person but I am more cautious and I walk at any sign now that makes me uncomfortable when dating. I don’t invest.This is my favorite article. I feel you know me . I enjoyed reading this. Wow!

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