Contrariwise,’ continued Tweedledee, ‘if it was so, it might be; and if it were so, it would be; but as it isn’t, it ain’t. That’s logic.”

Makes perfect sense to me but I should imagine it will not to you. Welcome to the logic of my world. The penchant that our kind and me exhibit for telling you that black is white and when you eventually agree (and you will no matter how ridiculous this may appear) we will tell you that it was black all along. Or orange. Or azure.

Our ability to deploy contrariwise must rank amongst one of the most confusing, infuriating and draining manipulative techniques that we possess. Well, judging by your reactions when we wheel this out it is. In all honesty, it is used so often it may as well be a default setting. No matter what you say to us we will automatically adopt a contrary position even if that contrary position appears to you as untenable and that it flies in the face of logic. We will always find ways of undermining, denying and deflecting what you are saying to us, most particularly if you are trying to make us look bad, prove we are wrong or you are challenging us in some way. We cannot allow those things to happen. We have a number of standard phrases that we will use in furtherance of this ability.

“Why must you always exaggerate?”

“No, I have never done that.”

“You are over-reacting. Again.”

“I think you will find that you are being sensitive, I did not mean it the way you are interpreting it.”

“You always look at it the wrong way.”

“I didn’t say that.”

“Your memory is playing tricks on you.”

“You/he/she/the world is making things up.”

“If you say so but you have got it wrong.”

“I never do that.”

“You always have to make a scene don’t you?”

Do any of these sound familiar to you? Our capacity to be presented with evidence of something and then in the next breath deny the existence of that evidence is staggering. We will reject what you say, deny we ever said anything (even though we actually said it just ten minutes ago) and twist our position so many times we appear to turn into a corkscrew.

Why do we do this? It serves three purposes. The first is because we are never wrong then we must never be shown to be wrong. You seem to have a fascination for trying to demonstrate to us that we are wrong about the things we say and do. That is a nonsense. We cannot be wrong and you must accept that. Our use of contrariwise enables us to ensure that we remain right and you remain wrong. It is entirely logical to us. If it is not so to you then that is your problem. You wanted to come into our world so now you must accept its rules. Do not try and argue that you did not agree to this. When you embraced our illusion you consented to this state of affairs. Do not try and deny that it is the case otherwise we will just have to provide you with some more contrariwise.

The second reason that we do this is that we have to have you in a state of confusion. This means that being a creature of order and logic you will try and make sense of our contrariwise which will merely serve to put your head in a spin. Furthermore, you cannot help yourself but want to show us that we are wrong. You cannot accept that we are unable to see the point that you are making. That is entirely the point. You are subjected to our rules now and logic, reason and sense rode out of town many moons ago. This confusion will leave you susceptible to our other manipulations and drain you of your resistance and resolve making it harder for you to escape our grip.

The third reason is down to our lifeblood, yes fuel. Your evident frustration, curses and desperation as you try to make us see that we are wrong provides us with delicious dollops of fuel. You tear your hair out, repeat yourself, raise your voice and collapse sobbing in frustration. It is all good fuel to us. No matter if you argued the point with the forensic precision of a top barrister we would twist the words so they achieve what we want and not what you want. To borrow from Lewis Carrol’s fantastic writing I leave you with the words of humpty dumpty, who was clearly a pioneer of our kind.

“When I use a word it means just what I choose it to mean.”


27 thoughts on “Contrariwise

  1. Patricia says:

    “You wanted to come into our world so now you must accept its rules. Do not try and argue that you did not agree to this. When you embraced our illusion you consented to this state of affairs.” Jesus, this is almost what he said to me out loud! He said “you knew that there were rules and principles with me”! lmao! The rules were arbitrary and nonsensical and I NEVER agreed to any of that crazy bullshit ! God you are so so good Mr. Tudor!

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you, so good, it’s bad yes?

      1. Brian says:

        So good at describing bad things that it makes me feel bad , yes.
        But also feeling good to be validated.
        A narcissists worst nightmare is anyone can make friends on there. Narcissists hate it when their victims have friends and even worse…when a victim takes a call from a friend when the narcissist is in the room?

      2. Patricia says:

        Exactly! And so bad its great! I would still be a lost and confused mess had I not discovered you and this absolutely brilliant blog.

  2. wompus says:

    Or the one I got recently…”I’m a horrible liar, truthful to a fault.” Omg. Eyes rolling. I didn’t even bother to respond. He actually believes the crap that comes out of his mouth.

  3. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD says:

    I did it right back to him one time when we were stuck in the car. It was hilarious! He looked so baffled and then got mad lmao πŸ€£πŸ˜‡πŸ˜

    1. Patricia says:

      I learned to do this back to him as well. It was SO satisfying! I stopped agreeing to a single thing he said even if I really did agree I contradicted him Even in front of others! GASP!!! HA! Take that, asshole! That among other changes in my behavior towards him was of course the beginning of the end.

  4. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD says:

    Gaslighting is extremely irritating.

    It never made me doubt myself but it sure as hell made me blow up because it was insulting and straight up ridiculous.

  5. the phoenix says:

    Okay, now this I couldn’t resist, I am now coming out of lurkdom … πŸ™‚
    Please pardon in advance my sense of humor …

    β€œWhy must you always exaggerate?”

    REPLY: Using “always” in your sentence is an exaggeration.

    β€œNo, I have never done that.”

    REPLY: (My first impulse would be to do my best “Meatloaf” impression … “As long as the planets are turning
    As long as the stars are burning …”
    whether I would follow my impulse would depend on the context.)

    β€œYou are over-reacting. Again.”

    REPLY: As a matter of fact, that was mild … * grin *

    β€œI think you will find that you are being sensitive, I did not mean it the way you are interpreting it.”

    REPLY: Artists are allowed, no, supposed to be, sensitive. * whips out a copy of my poetic license *

    β€œYou always look at it the wrong way.”

    REPLY: * closes my left eye and grins * How’s this?

    β€œI didn’t say that.”

    REPLY: You just did say “that” … * spells out the word * t … h … a … t. And “that’s” all I’ve got to say about “that.” (best Forrest Gump voice)

    β€œYour memory is playing tricks on you.”

    REPLY: That only means you don’t know me very well. Which reminds me, did I ever tell you about all the practical jokes I played on people in college? * grin *

    β€œYou/he/she/the world is making things up.”

    REPLY: Thank you. As an artist, I get paid to invent things.

    β€œIf you say so but you have got it wrong.”

    REPLY: I say so. No ifs, ands, or buts about it. * grin *

    β€œI never do that.”

    REPLY: Well, I could stand here from now until kingdom come reciting instances of when you’ve done “that” … but I warn you, it might get a little boring …

    β€œYou always have to make a scene don’t you?”

    REPLY: Well, maybe not. There may have been at least one time when I did not feel like making a scene, now lemme see … * ponders awhile *

  6. Anne says:

    Constantly! Confusing as hell! But yesterday you said, no i didn’t! I want to work this out, a day later, I’m done! I never said that! You said! And as your jumping from one foot too another, losing your s***, they walk away calmly and call you crazy! It defiantly works! “Don’t try and understand crazy, it will drive you crazy”

  7. Anonymous says:

    His favourite phrase was “I don’t do negativity”. Whenever I confronted him about some potential lie he told me, or after a silent treatment, or if I simply wanted to discuss something he did, that’s what he said. If I then insisted with my “negativity”, I got my punishment (silent treatment).

  8. RS says:

    When I use a word it means just what I choose it to mean… truer words were never spoken. I wish your kind would all fall off the earth.😜( I appreciate all you teach us, HG, but truly, in my heart of hearts, the world would be such a better place without your kind in it)

  9. Robin Schultz says:

    “You wanted to come into our world so now you must accept its rules.” You’re kind of like a hunter. The hunted does not know the rules. If we knew what you were from the onset, we would never invite in!

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Correct, that is why you cannot know.

  10. Scout says:

    An experiment was carried out based on this technique. It was simple. A class of students will confirm what the teacher says. Only one student isn’t aware of what’s to follow. Teacher to class: “2+2=5”. Everyone agrees except the one student who’s not in on the trick. “No” he replies, “the answer is 4.”
    Teacher writes the sum on the board again. “2+2=5. All agree?”
    “Yes” replies the class except the confused student who is extremely perplexed. He argues that everyone is wrong, so they do the sum again and again they all agree that 2+2=5. The poor student is now stressed and baffled and argues that 2+2=4, but they all tell him he’s wrong. The student repeatedly argues the point until he’s banging his head. Eventually, after a number of repeated attempts to get the class to see the truth and failing, he doesn’t just give up or leaves the class, he joins in and admits to the lie to fit in and not appear crazy. This technique is the stuff of tyranny and despotic leaders.
    Very sinister and a reason that NPD and other clusters should be recognised and tackled to protect the majority.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      A good example and demonstrates the power of majority – in either direction.

      1. Scout says:

        Exactly HG.

  11. Jody Allen says:

    10 out of 11 of those were nearly every day sentences….enough to make me want to scream at the top of my lungs like an insane person.
    And really, I just got tired of the same old rhetoric, the same argument being played out like a recurring nightmare.
    Isn’t this a sub category of Gaslighting? Because the Contrariwise made me feel a little delusional and like I was losing my mind…

  12. CM says:

    Example: I never want to see you again!(me)
    Response: would you like to go to lunch? (Him)

    1. mistynolan01 says:

      Check this out:

      Me: I said I’d come tonight.

      Narc: No. you said it would be dark by time you left.

      Me: That’s the same thing.

      Narc: No. It gets dark at 4:30 this time of year, but that’s not nighttime: that’s late afternoon.

      Me: So? I didn’t say what time of day it would be. Just that it would be nighttime.

      Narc: if you’re coming at night, it could be 4:30. After all it is dark at that time.

      Me: arrrrrrrgh!!

      Real conversation.

    2. 12345 says:

      That’s hilarious. Sounds just like my mother. The day before this last Mother’s Day she told me that her therapist would not mediate an appointment between the two of us because I was so abusive. Right after she said that she asked if I would please go to lunch with her on Mother’s Day. Wtf???

  13. KT says:

    HG this is your favorite manipulation techniques yes?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Gas lighting is.

      1. KT says:

        Yep I know. This sounds very similar to gaslighting. When you are made to doubt your own sanity.

      2. mistynolan01 says:

        Figures. Is this like gaslighting in that it involves confusing the target’s reality?

        1. HG Tudor says:


      3. Robin Schultz says:

        This is why in my comment about the “one wish,” I said I would isolate you and take away your fuel to make you insane like you tried to make me. Gaslighting does this in the worst way. I am sure that is why you like it the most, HG

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