That’s Not Important

Our sense of entitlement, lack of consideration and our failure to recognise and respect boundaries means that we are important and you are not. Our need is an emergency. Your needs are secondary. Our requirements are fundamental. Your wants are irrelevant. If we want something it must be done and you must drop everything else, cancel your plans and ensure we are provided for and catered to otherwise all hell breaks loose. Fail to do something we want and when we want (even if we haven’t told you what it is) is regarded by us a criticism and our fury is ignited. We may impose a cold furious silent treatment or lambast you with our heated fury but either way we are important and you are not. We show no appreciation of your situation, no consideration of your position and scant regard for what you might need or have to contend with. It is predictable all about us. Any situation, any time and any moment we will trample all over what you are doing in order to get what we want done. Whatever you may have organised, planned or whatever you are doing is minutiae and utterly inconsequential to the massively important event, occurrence or happening that we have decreed. Expect interruptions, abrasive treatment and a complete lack of manners and consideration. This mind-set that what you are doing is not important appears often and repeated and is symptomatic of so many of our narcissistic traits. Here are twenty instances you may recognise where what you are doing is not important right now.

  1. Talking over you.
  2. Changing channel on the television when you are clearly watching something.
  3. Switching off music that you are listening to.
  4. Playing music loudly when you are relaxing.
  5. Thrusting a newspaper under your nose when you are reading a book and saying “look at this”
  6. Talking to you when you are on the telephone.
  7. Calling you at work and raising a trivial matter and demanding that you do something about it.
  8. Asking you to pass something that is in reach when you are doing some other task.
  9. Saying la la la when you are trying to explain something.
  10. Making you late because we needed you to straighten our tie several times first.
  11. Calling you indoors from an outdoors task just to point out something on the television which is irrelevant.
  12. Calling you and asking where something is when it is easy to find.
  13. Calling you when you are socialising and demanding that you return home to deal with an emergency – such as the blinds are stuck or we have run out of peanut butter
  14. Demanding you prepare our evening meal when you are trying to get ready to go out.
  15. Feigning a greater illness when you are unwell.
  16. Waking you up to tell you something pointless.
  17. Ringing the landline from our mobile (withholding the number) and insisting you answer when you are trying to eat and then hanging up.
  18. Demanding to be picked up or given a lift irrespective of what you might be doing.
  19. Using items you need to complete a task.
  20. Thrusting a tablet under your nose as you are trying to do something and telling you to “watch this” only to see a video of a man falling down some stairs.

It does not matter how trivial, ridiculous or childish the behaviour is as long as it disrupts you and thrusts your attention onto us, even if it is to react in a negative way, we will always behave in such a way.

12 thoughts on “That’s Not Important

  1. Mary says:

    “Asking you to pass something that is in reach when you are doing some other task.”

    I had a boss who pulled this. It wasn’t a big deal because I got paid, but it was still ridiculous

    A few times, he was standing next to the trash can, and he would call me over to throw something away that he himself was holding. I think he screamed at one of the other assistants for buying pink post-its one time. He did NOT want anything other than yellow. Didn’t matter that the supply store was out of yellow that day.

  2. Carol says:

    This makes me tired, angry, sad, but most of all, thankful to be free (as free as I can be, having bred with the narc)…I navigated this behaviour (and so much more) for 17 years. I had no idea what I was dealing with. I think there must be a secret handbook ….All the boxes ticked. I see nothing funny here.

    1. RS says:

      I’m not proud to admit it but the one I saw off and on for 3 1/2 years was married. She is smarter and earns more money than he does. After I found out what I was dealing with through sites like this, I often wondered if SHE knows what she’s dealing with. Is she like you in that you has no idea either? They have been married for 21 years. It just seems like you would Google their behavior to see if it is normal or if you are going mad. I wanted to send her information about narcs but didn’t want to deal with his wrath. It must be strange to be stuck with the emotional maturityl of a 5 -10 year old your whole life.

  3. This list also applies to toddler age and teenage children (except #17)… 🙂

  4. Hi HG, my mid-range psychopathic brother tolerates all this from our mother and I realised now I just copied him because I had no idea how to handle her. He doesn’t avoid the family and when she is doing these, just nods or I suppose turns her into a puppet or humours her.
    Why do you think he doesn’t discard the family?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Hi AVS, he will not have dis-engaged because the dynamic fulfils his Prime Aims still.

  5. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD says:

    Nothing wrong with #20 lmao.

    1. Brian says:

      As long as it’s a good video of a man falling down the stairs. If someone shows me a mediocre video I’m like ‘come on man’

  6. RS says:

    Now I know why you don’t like children… too much competition.😜😁

  7. RS says:

    Those are so funny. It reminds me of when my daughter was little.😂

  8. Peaceful says:

    Holy Cow! No kidding!!!! Reading this I’m not sure if it’s hilarious, heartbreaking…. or… what!? Been there for all of them, but #16 “rings true” and is singing to me right now. HG, I can’t thank you enough for validating me!!!! 🙂

    1. HG Tudor says:

      You are welcome Peaceful.

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