The Virtual Fuel Matrix


I have stated on many occasions that technology not only extends our reach but enables us to identify a multiplicity of targets. This enables us to home in on potential targets with greater ease, gather intelligence about them for the purposes of aiding our ensnarement of the target, maintain our grip even when we are not physically proximate and gather fuel when not in the same room as the relevant appliance.

Yet, is technology merely an extension to our existing needs and manipulations, as opposed to a substitute? Might we ensnare somebody who lives thousands of miles from us, on the other side of the planet? If we do so, how does that fit into our fuel matrix? What is that person to us? How does the dynamic play out and what does this mean for the empath?

Naturally, the increase in technological reach, its ease and frequency of availability means that we are going to avail ourselves of this development in attending to our needs. We will use this technology in three main ways.

Firstly, where we have ensnared individuals who we interact with in a physical proximate fashion, we use technology to maintain our hold and to manipulate. Thus, we have an Intimate Partner Primary Source (“IPPS”) who we see most days in the flesh, but we send text messages, speak by telephone, engage in FaceTime conversations and use e-mail to draw fuel, manipulate and exert control. We see our friends (Non Intimate Secondary Sources (“NISSs”) every so often, meeting to have a drink, play sport, see a film or just catch up, yet again we will engage with them through technology.

Secondly, we use technology to find those who we will ultimately meet in person. Technology allows us to cast our net wide, weed out those who are unsuitable, select several prospects at once and use minimal effort to seduce them and gather information about them to use to further our needs.

Thirdly, we will use this technology to cultivate and maintain a stable of appliances for the purposes of bolstering our fuel matrices.  This is the Virtual Fuel Matrix. All of our kind have them – some maybe minor in nature, not often used (although this is rare) whilst others are extensive and relied on significantly by the narcissist. Others alternate through relying on the physical fuel matrix for the most part and periodically turning to the virtual fuel matrix in certain instances.

This third use is the focus of this article. This particular use has many variations with regard to the narcissistic dynamic. There are countless variations which will arise with regard to the composition of the Virtual Fuel Matrix, the use that is made of it, the fuel gathered and how it fits into the narcissist’s overall fuel matrix, but consider these scenarios for example :-

  1. A Lesser Victim Narcissist who as a consequence of health issues is confined to home. He has a dutiful Carrier Empath as the IPPS, there are a handful of family members and friends (NISSs) who call round every so often, but the LVN interacts not only with these appliances through technology, he goes online repeatedly to interact with a stable of tertiary sources , some of whom becomes NISSs owing to the frequency of interaction, through messaging, chat rooms and the like, but he does not speak to them or see them, other than pictures on profiles. He never physically meets any of them. He has no interest in any sexual intimate interaction with them.

2. A Mid-Range Somatic Narcissist. She has an IPPS in her husband and has two Shelf IPSSs on the side. She has a number of NISSs in her fuel matrix, through friends, family, colleagues and neighbours and therefore has a solid physical fuel matrix. She however likes to head to her bolthole and comb through dating sites and chat rooms, connecting with a myriad of tertiary sources. Some she will flirt with, sending pictures and so forth on just the one occasion. Some are Non Intimate Tertiary Sources (“NITS”) but those she interacts with as a one-off and engages sexual content with are Intimate Partner Tertiary Sources (“IPTS”). Others she engages with repeatedly and not only sexts with those individuals, talks ‘dirty’ down the telephone but sends naked pictures (and receives them) from a steady stable of half a dozen men. She will not send videos but will accept them. This group is made up of Intimate Partner Secondary Sources (“IPSSs”). She has  no intention of meeting any of them but gathers fuel from these nightly forays through various methods of communication.

3. A Mid-Range Cerebral Narcissist. He has an IPPS in his wife. He naturally draws Proximate Fuel from her because they live together and see each other every day. Her fundamental role however is provider of residual benefits as she runs the home and runs around after the MRCN. Something of a loner he does not really have any friends and prefers not to engage much with colleagues (other than when he has to for reasons of work) and family members. He looks down on them, seeing them as inferior to his intellect and not worthy of his interaction. He prefers to sit in  The Relational Tower and lock himself each night in his Bolthole and from there he spends his time Skyping people who share an interest in his academic interests, debating with them and rubbishing their theories. These people are NITS and NISSs. He also delights in going to particular websites and blogs where he engages in trolling (although from his perspective he merely sees it as him putting the morons straight on their lack of intellect and understanding). The indignant responses from NITS provides him with fuel, albeit of low potency and in small amounts. Nevertheless, he experiences little risk of being wounded as there is no actual physical interaction with these people, they will not reject him by turning away or failing to acknowledge him across a crowded bar. Instead, when they fall silent after he has trounced them in a Skype conversation or through the written word, he savours that as evidence of his victory. He either sees their angry or irritated expression and gains fuel or derives Thought Fuel from imagining their wailing and gnashing of teeth at having been defeated by his superior intellect.

4. A Greater Somatic.  Away on business and in a hotel room he has a ready-made stable of individuals with whom he engages in sexting, the acquisition of naked pictures and videos and who are IPSSs. He goes further and engages in mutual masturbation sessions with these IPSSs through FaceTime, Skype or (occasionally if seeing is not an option) on the telephone. He will however to cause worlds to collide by coercing these IPSSs to visit him when he travels so that his virtual stable of IPSSs will provide even more fuel and residual benefits by being commanded to meet him in hotel rooms across the globe. His sexual imagination, prowess and ability to configure IPSS connections in different continents means that whilst he will use this stable to draw fuel virtually, he also uses it to occasion the physical connection too.

5. A Mid-Range Elite. He lives alone. He has family in the city where he lives who he sees intermittently and various friends and colleagues who he sees quite often and therefore has a large bank of NISSs to draw on. He however interacts with one source every single day. He is in Europe and she is in the Middle East. They speak on the telephone frequently through the day. They Skype often and for hours at a time, watching the same films although in different continents, effectively going on virtual dates. They have never met. They see one another through Skype and FaceTime, they swap nude pictures, they engage in mutual masturbation, they even have Skype still going in the background when they fall asleep, one watching the other sleep often owing to the difference in time zones. They have never touched one another, never smelt one another, never felt skin on skin, yet spend hours with one another through the power of technology.

What is the status of these appliances which connect with the narcissist through technology? Are they empaths or normals who are just sucked in through the lure of the internet? Let us take each scenario in turn.

Scenario One. The Lesser Victim Narcissist is likely to engage with normal NITS and a mixture of normal and empathic NISSs. He will home in on the empathic NISSs with a greater intensity. The fuel provided will be of low to moderate potency. The quantity provided will be low to moderate because although he may spend hours each day engaging with them, it is through the written word only and this is the poorest form of conveying fuel. The frequency is high.

The appliances will be content to engage in this manner and are unlikely to want more interaction or push for any physical meeting.

Scenario Two. The NITS and ITPS will largely be normals and those with higher narcissistic traits (but not narcissists). The IPSSs are likely to be a mixture of narcissists and empaths. The former looking to ensnare her, unaware of what she is and the latter bewitched by this attractive lady paying them such attention and hoping to meet her in due course. The fuel provided will be of low to quite high potency because of the intimacy which is injected. The quantity will be from low to quite high because whilst some will just be sexting, there are telephone conversations and videos which increase the quantity. The frequency is high during the hour or two she engages in this and then of course drops off when she no longer engages with these individuals.

The appliances who are NITS and ITPS are likely to remain content, for the most part, with the one-off interaction. The IPSSs will want more and will experience frustration at not being able to gain admittance to the narcissist physically.

Scenario Three. The NITS and NISS will be a mixture of normals and empaths, with the occasional inadvertent narcissist too. The fuel provided will be of low to moderate potency as there is no intimacy involved, however the quantity will range from low to quite high because the MRCN sees the reaction of the appliances and hears it when he Skypes and uses FaceTime. The frequency is high because the MRCN prefers to operate from the Bolthole in this manner to keep drawing on this extensive virtual fuel matrix.

The appliances will be content to keep the interaction as it is. One or two NISSs may prefer to meet but will not press hard for this to happen.

Scenario Four. Leaving aside the physical interaction that the narcissist brings about (that is the Physical Fuel Matrix) with regard to the virtual element, the potency will be quite high because these are all IPSSs. The Greater will have chosen empaths for the most part, although may also draw a Lesser or Mid Range Narcissist into the matrix. The quantity will range from medium to quite high because he can see and hear the responses of the appliances. The frequency will be low to moderate as the Greater will use the physical interaction far more extensively than the virtual. He turns to the Virtual Fuel Matrix when travelling between places or in a place where he is limited in time and opportunity to hunt down suitable appliances and therefore prefers to “bolt on” the ready-made one which is always there when he chooses to engage with it.

The appliances here will want more. They will press for greater engagement with the narcissist (and may well be granted it as Shelf IPSSs or DLSs arising from the virtual matrix to begin with). Many will want the formality of a proper relationship with the Greater but will not be granted it.

Scenario Five. This scenario is one which requires a more detailed examination and this will arise in the forthcoming article ‘The Loneliness of the Long Distance Empath.’


42 thoughts on “The Virtual Fuel Matrix”

  1. Hi Matilda,
    Well blow me over with a feather…I see the logic of keeping things on the nice gravy train with the DLS and /or IPSS. If in that dynamic the primary source is solely used for the negative fuel fix. I think I was fresh off of the articles though where HG explains a married narcissist treating his spouse as the Madonna and his secondary sources as the whores who do get the vile treatment over the course of time. Where he can let out his dark side because the IPPS holds the key to the perfect facade management. Also the article DLS had really struck a chord with me with having so many misogynistic undertones so it didn’t come across as too special of a golden period for long there either.
    See….it’s up for grabs. Depends on the type of Narc, their status with society / professional life. I think it can go either way.

  2. Hi HJ, did you ever write/post “The Loneliness of the Long Distance Empath”?

    I just discovered that I was loving a Narc this week (still unclear as to what classification), and had no idea the depth of the psychology (on both our parts) or lexicon. I think we’ve made it through the whole cycle (24 months), I was the IPPS when we were in the same city, and since leaving (from exhaustion) I’ve become an opera director, which he couldn’t care less about except that it’s slowly bringing me back to the major city where he is, but he told me this week that he has “started having somebody in his life” when I asked why he wasn’t responding to me as readily. So it’s not just casual sex but a new IPPS candidate. It really hurt of course, and I went off about his lack of character, but once I found out he undeniably has NPD and found your site, I’m feeling and thinking more grounded. Our whole duration makes sense in this context. However I’m having a hard time focusing on my current project, upcoming future projects, and bright future. I’m a Magnetic Empath, peppered with beguiling character. Why can’t I just drop this guy like he dropped me? Please let me know if that article has been posted! Thank you.

    – Would Like to be Grateful for the Discard

    1. Hello Merry D, I have but it has not been published yet. As to why you cannot drop him, it asa consequence of the addiction that is created in you and the effects of the emotional infection. I suggest you read Exorcism and book a consultation so I can go into this in greater detail with you and map out a way forward to assist you.

  3. HG, thank you for this very detailed analysis.

    My online narc had some mid-range qualities. However, the way he interacts online actually goes with your 4th scenario, the Greater Somatic. He isn’t worldly like you. However, he is self-employed. Would this put him more in the Greater or Mid-range category?

    He told me about an in-person affair he had with a coworker years ago. He started using an inter-office chat…he said “I had years of practice at learning how to talk to women online. I just talked to her the same way, then one day I walked into her office and kissed her.” (This was before he was self-employed.)

    Does the fact that he admitted he’s “learned how to talk to women” etc. indicate he’s not a narc? Since he was open about it? These things confuse me. Are true narcs ever open with their fuel sources about their womanizing tendencies?

    1. No that does not mean he is not a narcissist. Being open about such brilliance at seduction may well be the remark of the lacking self-awareness Lesser or just part of the considerable confidence of the Greater.

  4. HG is a IPPS whom you disengaged from immediately shelved for future use or is she not even worthy of the shelf?

  5. Very interesting. I see my narc and i in a lot of these scenerios. Im certain he has a virtual matrix. Hes on the computer a lot and hes triangulated me in the past with some of his supposed “friends”. I know him very well tho and suspect otherwise. I normally wouldnt give it too much thought but when he puts it in front of me and things have changed then i know the probability is he has other women on the side online and offline.
    Virtual matrixes are handy for the narc to always have quick injections of fuel and validation as well as possible offline relationships. Thats where trust comes into play. You cant possibly control or know what your partners doing online so if you already dont trust them imagine the trouble they can get up to online. Lots of it! Trust is so important and trust and narcissist dont go together.

  6. Disgusting to take advantage of troubled souls…

    Have you never been worried that one of your IPSSs or DLSs might lose it, ruining your façade, when you keep them hanging on? What excuses do you bring forward to placate them?

    1. Not worried. There have been occasional instances where they have wanted more, complained they do not get to see me as much as they like, that they want ‘the world to know about us’ and such like. I do not use excuses – using some charm and providing some assurances about what will happen usually works and if not, then a Corrective Devaluation will be used.

      1. I see, HG. Corrective Devaluation such as telling her she’s putting you under too much pressure or she’s embarrassing you, followed by an absent Silent Treatment. Or a row which ends with her apologising.

        There are two types of women: those who can separate the physical from the emotional and want some fun without strings attached, and those who cannot do that and will suffer at the hands of someone like you! 😠

        You should take that into consideration when you are picking your ‘appliances’, HG, and only pursue those from the former category: none of you would care, fuel would be just as good, and no one gets hurt.

        1. Hi Matilda you know what…many of us can actually do that seperating emotions from physical when communicated or agreed upon before hand. Or if given a choice. Thats what pisses me off… why didnt he just say he loves variety and doesnt want to be exclusive. I would then have made an informed decision. But these fkers are sly. They lie to you..pretend they want a relationship. Court you love bomb you intentionally…. you know the drill. No transparency. Then once you are in love it changes to I never told you that I wanted a relationship. It doesn’t serve their need if you dont fall in love with them, they don’t want you to separate emotions from physical. They want that emotions…that fuel…they want that hurt. No fun for them without emotion.

        2. I don’t think so Matilda. If the other party did not care, HG would never get the potent negative fuel from someone craving him more and wanting him all to herself and move a relationship to the next level. With the other, the positive fuel would get stale and the relationship itself would just go stagnant. HG would just move on.

      2. Matilda,

        If he could, that would be awesome for everyone. I’m of the understanding he isn’t having sex for the fun of it. It’s a performance to cause an emotional reaction and addiction in his source. He needs to be able to cause suffering to derive negative fuel as well. Is this an accurate understanding, HG?

        Are narcs ever actually addicted to the sex too though? Can they get hooked on it with just one particular partner if she’s the right match? If they can obtain both positive and negative fuel from this person and she will let them worship or degrade her?

      3. Continued from my above message to Matilda and HG:

        Or would the fuel, in such a scenario of having such a partner, still become stale, no matter what she does?

      4. Clarece,

        Keep in mind that we are talking about IPSSs and DLSs here, people who generally are not in his proximity often or for long. That’s why their positive fuel does not get stale as it would if he saw them daily like the IPPS.

        As far as I understand the dynamics, IPSSs and DLSs enjoy a prolonged golden period, and HG is not primarily interested in harvesting negative fuel from them. That’s what the IPPS is for! He can get more potent negative fuel from the primary source, more readily and more often.

        It does not make any sense to upset an IPSS (drawing negative fuel) when he’s away from his IPPS and in urgent need of fuel! The row would not last long as she would leave and he would be left high and dry. So, I suppose HG keeps it sweet with his secondary sources, and disruptions are not welcome.

        Any thoughts on that, HG? I’m curious.

  7. If you have an IPPS in place and also a recently accuired new appliance who you have just embedded, do you still continue your hunt on dating sites if you are prone to having only one IPSS? Or does this mean that your new toy is not shiny enough?

    1. PofW, correct me if I am wrong (if you dare!), I understand the proposed scenario to be:-

      1. IPPS who will be in the Devaluation Stage;
      2. Candidate IPSS

      If the narcissist only operates with one IPSS in this fuel matrix then the likelihood of use of dating sites will be low (but not extinguished) as the narcissist (dependent on school) may still use it for gathering fuel. It is more likely however in this scenario that he will stay off the dating site and concentrate on the IPSS because this person is a candidate to become the new IPPS.

      1. Then in this case the future is not completely faked. Why is he only targetting married victims?

  8. If we went NC are we still considered as shelved appliances? Or do we fall into a different category since I am definitely not coming off the shelf ever again and I truely think that he is fully aware of that.

    1. No Sarah, if you go no contact and escape we consider you as the same appliance as we had been engaging with. Thus you will still be an IPPS from our perspective. If we dis0engaged from you we regard you as a former IPPS. If we hoover you back in and do so on the basis of being a friend, we then demote you from Former IPPS to NISS. If you escape us however, although you will not consider yourself to have any Formal Relationship with us (e.g. girlfriend, husband, friend etc) we will still see you in the same light until we halt attempts to hoover you.

      Thus, you are the IPPS. You escape us. We still see you as the IPPS (albeit a treacherous one of course). We apply an Initial Grand Hoover to recommence the Formal Relationship. You resist and stay no contact. We still see you as the IPPS and we may turn to an IPSS and NISSs for fuel. There may be FUHs applied against you as the IPPS but you resist them.

      Following the failed hoovers, we promote an IPSS to become the new IPPS. You are then the former IPPS. Months later we hoover you – at that point we have an IPPS (the new one who is in devaluation), a Candidate IPSS (who we want to become the new IPPS), a Shelf IPPS and we choose to just be friends with you through our hoovers and you are now seen not as the former IPPS but a NISS.

      1. HG,

        What if we went no contact and we were never a primary source, but def an intimate, frequent and fairly long term online appliance? Maybe the DLS since he shared extremely twisted fantasies with me and I engaged him. I did meet him once but we didn’t have sex in person.

        If he was hoovering and in serious attention and pursuit mode about meeting again, and I said we’d talk about it but then never ever returned, what would that make me to him? Shelved DLS? Would he consider me the one who got away? I’d like him to, but it’s prob hoping for too much. For a week, I just didn’t log onto Kik, but after that I deleted the app altogether. If he’s made any efforts to reach out, he can see I’m no longer there.

  9. This… all of this… each scenario with the different types, absolutely staggering. Not only for the triggers it produced in me but I thought how many thousands of people are doing this exact thing with a fuel source while I’m reading this? And all of the relationship articles and gurus would lump the Narcissist as just someone afraid of commitment. Afraid of intimacy. There would be more rules to follow to make you try to be more patient, more accommodating, more willing to compromise in order to prove your trust worthiness. Honestly, everyone is on the narcissistic spectrum to some degree. I think this is the new normal. It seems rampant with what dating apps have evolved into. People will treat their mailman with more respect than the person they swiped right on Tinder with and sexted and learned about each other biblically on Skype. You may as well create an HG Box Set and call it The Rules 2017 Edition.
    Brilliant piece!

    1. Clarece, yes, and it’s hard to know the difference. Many who fear intimacy and commitment will never change. However, there ARE some who just need a little extra understanding and patience. We want to be the one they finally feel safe enough with to overcome their fears and that feeds into a narc’s game.

      If HG released a Box Set, I’d def be first in line at Barnes & Noble. Too bad he is anonymous and won’t appear at any book signings.

      1. He won’t appear…yet…I can still see Relationship Life Coach in his future especially in the U.S.

  10. HG, is “one off” a N term? I never heard it until I heard my N say it after I caught him cheating. Thank you.

    1. Not exclusively no, but it will be bandied around for the purposes of dismissing your attacks against us for our behaviour.

  11. You have me in suspense, HG! My Moron in Munich is a #5. That is the relationship he wanted us to have, but that’s impossible for me. I refused outright to Skype – I am too paranoid to send any images of myself thru media. Talking on the phone was very disappointing. He was so obviously condescending and lacking empathy. It came thru so clearly when I could hear his voice.

    Having never had good sex, sexting and phone sex have no real meaning for me. He would say things that I could not even imagine happening or how it would feel. I couldn’t respond to him at all. It just all seemed sick to me and perverse. I felt like he just wanted a fantasy – not a relationship.

    At first I thought he just had some bad social problems. I thought, “Eh, I can deal with crazy.” The one time I actually met him 40 years ago he was pathologically shy. I offered to fly to Munich to meet him again (This worried my 3 sons, they chose my empathic former marine son to go with me if I tried this. God has blessed me with wonderful children!). But he refused to even discuss actually meeting me. By this time some of his comments began to remind me of my mother’s sarcasm, and all my mental alarms were going off. Maybe I could have ignored them except for reminding me of Mama. There’s no way in hell Im going to be in a relationship with a man who reminds me of my mother!

    If anything he said could be believed-and that’s a big if with a narc – this was the type of relationship he usually had with women. He had never married or lived with any woman besides his mother.

    I look forward to seeing your continuation about this type of narc!

  12. HG, thank you for this very detailed analysis.

    My online narc had some mid-range qualities. However, the way he interacts online actually goes with your 4th scenario, the Greater Somatic. He isn’t worldly like you. However, he is self-employed. Would this put him more in the Greater or Mid-range category?

    He told me about an in-person affair he had with a coworker years ago. He started using an inter-office chat…he said “I had years of practice at learning how to talk to women online. I just talked to her the same way, then one day I walked into her office and kissed her.” (This was before he was self-employed.)

    Does the fact that he admitted he’s “learned how to talk to women” etc. indicate he’s not a narc? Since he was open about it? These things confuse me. Are true narcs ever open with their fuel sources about their womanizing tendencies?

    1. Such an admission does not indicate he is not a narcissist, indeed, such a boast may very well indicate that he is.

  13. HG my ex MMRN somatic ( as “diagnosed” by you) often acts like a greater. His behavior is exactly like you describe above under Greater somatic. Does this mean he is more to the UMMRN side? Also when he is away on trips and engaging with other women how will his interaction with the empath be while waiting for him? I noticed that when I went away I was subjected to silent treatment

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