I Love You (And I Always Have)


This is a well-used phrase by our kind and is wheeled out with regularity during love-bombing. At face value and of course that is how you will take it because you are in the midst of a veritable whirlwind of compliments, flattery and passion, this seems a straight forward enough comment to make. However there is far more to it than meets the eye. Just as we operate from a different perspective to you, we also utilise language in a different way and one of the key ways of tackling our kind is to understand what we are REALLY saying when we use these delicious phrases and appealing comments.

So, what do my kind really mean when we say “I love you and I always have”?

My need to seduce you is considerable and therefore I will use language which will appeal to you and be so outlandish that it will blow you away. I do not actually love you. I do not love in the way that you do. I understand that the closest I come to it is infatuation. I am not in fact infatuated with you but more precisely with what you can do for me. My needs are paramount. Yours are largely irrelevant. I write irrelevant because I do take them into account during the seduction but after that they are thrown to one side, but that is something different and not the purpose of explaining what I mean when I say the above phrase to you.

I say I love you and mean I am infatuated with you. I am infatuated with three things that you will give me through my successful seduction of you.

  1. Fuel, the most important item;
  2. Useful traits which I can apply to my construct and parade as my own achievement, characteristics and accomplishments to make me appear even more attractive to you and other people (and thus get more fuel); and
  3. Residual benefits such as a roof over my head or getting you to pay for things.

I want those three things. I want the fuel most of all but the other two matter as well. To get those things I need to seduce you. To seduce you I need to say things like this, grand statements which will amaze you and sweep you off your feet. Why will it have this effect? Well, because you are a love devotee. As an empathic individual one of your traits is that you are a love devotee. This means you belief very much in the concept of love, how love is wonderful, how love can conquer all, how love crosses any boundary and love is amazing, splendid and the best thing in the world. I know you are a love devotee because I have studied you before I approached you. With this knowledge I know that making a statement like the one above will resonate with you considerably for the following reasons: –

  1. As a believer in love you want to hear that someone loves you;
  2. You want this love to be grand, sweeping and extraordinary. By explaining that I have always been in love with you, I achieve this. It is a statement which conjures up images in your mind’s eye of me waiting for years before I picked my moment to tell you, of me sitting with my love burning away and how you have never noticed. It appeals to you to think in such terms. It is romantic and glorious.
  3. I will have plausibility on my side. I may know you already as we may be friends or colleagues. I may be a neighbour. I may be your therapist even. If I do not know you in detail, we may know each other by sight and the occasional hello from attending the same gym or such like. You may not know me but I will generate (fabricate) a back story that I have watched you from the coffee shop every day as you walk past (once I have established that you do so) and I have been in love with you. This plausibility overcomes any natural hesitance you may have. The immensity of the love factor in this statement will overcome any slight scepticism you may have, that having been eroded already by the plausibility.

Saying this statement is a direct shot at your heart and is part of the harpoon strike that we engage in when we are seducing a victim.

It is not true however. We have chased plenty of people before you. We may have only set eyes on your two days ago and we do not love in the manner that you do. Everything about this statement is false, it serves our purpose to seduce you and to do so quickly.

To learn and understand more about what the narcissist really means when he says certain things to you, read DECIPHER : WHAT THE NARCISSIST REALLY MEANS

US  https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01G964SI8

UK  https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B01G964SI8

CAN https://www.amazon.ca/dp/B01G964SI8

AUS  https://www.amazon.com.au/dp/B01G964SI8

7 thoughts on “I Love You (And I Always Have)

  1. Jane Hall says:

    Havent been able to shake off my Narc husband. And last time we split it exhausted me and his tears and the constant declarations wore me down. Plus his health deteriorated and his eyesight is now so poor he will be registered disabled. Which means I am stuck with him. But as he is still a stupid narc…once this house has sold…I am living by myself. end of. It is constant drama with my husband. He rants and raves. He creates drama about nothing. Weirdly, I feel sorry for him though. Just don’t know why. My sister doesn’t understand it either. All that love bombing…it means jack sh.. now. I don’t believe a word he says and I don’t trust him. Why I feel sorry for him I don’t know. I look back and am baffled I even got to be with him and marry him. We have never got on. Our son actually said to me last month “Mum, why did you marry dad…honestly”? Our son is compassionate and normal. He sees his dad for what he is. I just am shocked that I fell for his tricks and his love bombing. It works on a deep subconscious level.

  2. Diana Culda says:

    I knew this deep down in my guts. What puzzles me is that I didnt listen. Which leads me to the question, which one of us is what. I think I need to process. Understanding the motivations / reasons is paramount..

  3. Salome says:

    Dear HG

    Thanks to your teaching I celebrate today 3 weeks of No Contact
    I send you a biiiiiiig kiiiiiiiiiss with all my gratitude
    Your words help me a lot

    “If you exhibited strength by ignoring me and getting on with your day, I secretly admire that.”

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Well done Salome, have an HG Commendation.

      1. you are being very benevolent with the awards today HG 🙂

  4. Liz says:

    Learning to trust people after deep involvement with a true narcissist is one of the most difficult challenges to overcome, if it is even possible. Perhaps it depends on the age of the empath when the first encounter/involvement occurs?

    1. Jane Hall says:

      Agree! I have always thought I could NEVER get involved with someone else again.

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