It’s Only The Wind


It is fundamental to the method by which we are able to exert our control that we maintain a heightened state of anxiety, in you. When we keep you on edge you are unable to function properly. You are not in a position to challenge what we do, either in your own mind or by confronting us. We want you on tenterhooks and feeling uncertain. One method by which I would achieve this would be the use of sudden noises. I would choose a moment when the other person is sat quietly, perhaps reading a book or watching television. The house is quiet and I can see that you are relaxed. I will exit the room and perhaps go upstairs where I will slam a couple of doors or stamp on the floor and then return to where you are.

“What was that bang?” you ask as I enter the room again.

“A bang?” I answer with a quizzical look on my face.

“Yes, there was a loud bang from upstairs, did you not hear it?”

I shake my head and watch as you frown.

“I am sure I heard it, like something hitting the floor.”

I shake my head again.

“No, I was just in the kitchen but I did not hear anything.”

I sit down and watch as you get up to explore and try and find out what the source of the noise was. You will not find any evidence that will help you in your quest because I stamped on the floor above the living room three times. There is nothing broken or damaged which would give you some clue as to what has happened. You return to your seat puzzled at this noise and resume the task you were engaged in. Throughout the day I intermittently make sudden noises, loud and designed to make you jump. I slam some doors, bang on the floor when upstairs and let the sash windows bang shut. Each time I deny hearing the noise as you pad about the house trying to find out what the source of the sudden noise was. I can see that it is getting to you. You are wandering around, peering about the house in an earnest fashion as if expecting some intruder to be stood there banging two pieces of wood together. You keep asking me if I have heard anything. On each occasion I deny it. I never let you catch me generating the noise and each time I am trying hard not to laugh as you keep asking me whether I have heard the noise. You question whether it is the neighbours but I point out that they are away for the weekend. I continue with this campaign through the night, slipping from the bed and making something topple over so you wake up with a start. Sometimes I wake up and shout out loud and then pretend to be asleep as you grip me, frightened by the sudden noise. Every time I feign ignorance and then begin to demonstrate irritation towards you because you keep waking me up and disturbing my sleep. By the following day you look terrible. You have barely slept, left on the edge by these intermittent noises which take on even greater sharpness and effect in the dead of night. I continue to cause these sudden bangs and crashes and always deny hearing them. I point out that you must be hearing things and the fact you look exhausted shows you must be having some kind of psychotic episode. You keep on asking me how I have not heard anything but every time I shake my head and deny hearing these noises. I pretend to show that I care by holding you and suggesting that it might be something outside or it was only the wind as it blew past the house, slamming a window shut or knocking over the outside bin. This causes you to go to the window and stare at the bin which has not moved. You do not accept these natural explanations so I begin to suggest that it is down to you being tired and perhaps you should take some time off work but you will not agree.

“Perhaps we have a ghost?” I suggest and watch the colour drain from your face at this suggestion. I then shift to making a noise in front of you.

“That was you,” you declare as you jump in your seat.

“I know it was, I was just checking that your hearing was working okay. It obviously is.”

“But I keep hearing noises and you don’t?” you protest with a look of bewilderment.

“I know, you keep saying, perhaps you should see the doctor?”

You feel ragged and drained so you agree. I accompany you, discharging the obligation of caring partner as I sit and listen to you explaining what has been happening to the doctor. I confirm you are hearing things and the doctor wonders if you are suffering from depression and suggests monitoring the situation. You ask for something to help you sleep and I concur with the suggestion. It is all getting noted down in your records and is providing evidence that I can refer other people to in order to build this picture that there is something seriously wrong with you, that you are prone to imagining things which is all helpful in creating the picture that you are losing your mind. I continue with the behaviour, creating slams, bangs and crashes throughout the day and night until you return to the doctors begging for more medication with my supportive self, nodding away next to you. Little by little your sanity is becoming eroded by this campaign of torment and you lean on me all the while, thankful for my support and oblivious to the fact that I am the source of your anxiety. I try to soothe you, offering explanations that come from a natural source as I continue to give you a look that you are stark, staring mad.

“It is only the wind,” I tell you yet again but you look out of the window and see the branches are not moving as you sink into a chair holding your head in your hands.

105 thoughts on “It’s Only The Wind

  1. 1jaded1 says:

    Awesome progress Snow White.

    1. Snow White says:

      Thank you Jaded ❤️❤️❤️

  2. C★ says:

    My most recent (midranger huz) would hide my passport…. 2nd huz,.. The cerebral upper midranger attorney would do worse, he wanted “evidence” I was disturbed so he could get 72 involuntary hour holds on me & went out of his way to do it…. 1st huz, a greater, well, you can imagine…. I have suffered with PSTD most of my life, i can be a very loose cannon and have a short fuse. Some induced with the tactics in this article… gee thanks, HG…

    1. Tappan Zee says:

      C ⭐️ —that all made me sad. the games to land you in places they belonged. mental units. wish the world would look a smidgeon beyond the surface and see what lies beneath. the provocateur.

  3. K says:

    My father would stomp around, slam doors and bang on pipes in the cellar. He was a Psycho! He would flick lights on and off, too.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      I tend to go to the trip switch – greater reach.

      1. K says:

        No surprise there! I bet you hide all the flashlights (torches) before hand, just to be thorough.

      2. MLA - Clarece says:

        Oh Staaaahhhhppp!

  4. Love says:

    One of my narcs always walked quietly in the house to catch me off guard and make me scream. And scream I did, from the top of lungs. And he would laugh. I thought it was all fun and games.

  5. Jane Hall says:

    I was asked why I am still with him. I thought about that today.
    His good points….Reliable, helps out in the house, faithful, company, good with techno things, good with some practical jobs in house.
    Then…..he starts creating an argument out of a conversation that started fine. My heart starts to palpate and I realise that for my own physical well being I must live by myself when this house has sold. Though… H has just texted me. He blames my family for the house not being finished yet. He is sick and tired of being blamed for everything. I told him to stay with there then – with his mum and dad. True narc that he is…he will probably let me simmer (even though I have only been home for an hour from my shift) and then he will get the hoover out.

  6. Ellen says:

    That sounds like a lot of work. I think I’m too lazy to ever be a narcissist. 😉

    1. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD. says:

      Ellen… lol

  7. Twilight says:

    HG would you stop this if you saw it wasn’t working?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Stop the manipulation? Yes. No point wasting time and energy.

      1. Twilight says:

        Makes sense, yet how would you regard this person

  8. p says:

    apparently anxiety is an adaptive strategy is the result of being able to see multiple perspectives at once. it’s the opposite of easy-objectification which makes all social discourse automatic. it’s kind of a position of creative responsibility / problem solving that i refuse to reduce to medicalised notions of emotional control. yes, i want to gain control over all my reactions, i don’t want to be reactionary – but i also don’t want to lose the quality i have, i want to develop it. that’s why this kind of game appeals to me. i also like the unknown. i’m also good at sharing my inner process with vulnerability to show someone else that it’s not all bad, but in the end, i’m the one who has the responsibility over the choices that keep me safe.

  9. 1jaded1 says:

    Nice, HG. I would have just assumed it was him trying hijinx. That one would have been a massive fail.

  10. MLA - Clarece says:

    This is where I hope that before the doctors ever release you from their treatment, they get this under reigns. Would this also fall under sadistic behavior that I asked you about the other day?
    Is this something you do during devalue of someone or actually in the golden period just to test them?

  11. Narc affair says:

    I forgot to add too…that the abuse itself will get you to that stage of exposed nerves. The unpredictability is the culprit. When you trust someone and can relax and be yourself youre very stable and grounded but as pointed out the narc does not want you in a state of content bc that affords you time to reflect and think about their abusive behaviour. Thats why confusion and being on pins and needles is their favorite way to leave us. Word salad is another tactic to achieve that. Distract and confuse.
    I feel so sorry for the victims on sleep meds and anxiety pills due to the abuse.

    1. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD. says:

      At least in some states you can always just get some medicinal marijuana.

  12. Narc affair says:

    “Thankful for the support but oblivious that i cause your anxiety” …this is just it. The narcissist wears you down and conditions you into thinking theyre there supporting you when in essence they caused the problem to begin with. They are the common denominator! Stockholm syndrome sets in and you really believe theyre your support and you rely on them.
    The noise tactic is just another form of insidious gaslighting.
    My brother in law is notorious for gaslighting. Lately hes been getting up in the night and placing strange objects in their backyard claiming someones been in their yard. Hes not happy about the duplex they bought and is looking for any reason to move out despite they cant even afford a realtor to do so. So hes gaslighting and trying to convince my sister in law its a bad area which it isnt. I voiced about them getting a camera and he shut up. He knows we know what hes all about by now. Hes got quite the track record.
    My narc gaslighted quite a bit the first few years but not as much the last 3 yrs. I think his gaslighting was a means to make me unsure and insecure probably bc of his own insecurity. He wanted to manipulate me and was himself unsure about how much i could be controlled. He sees after 6 yrs ive not left and is more lax but the first few yrs he caused me considerable stress. Now its just a different tactic from that of pure gaslighting.
    This is where the narc can really get you. They find out your fears then poke at them then reassure you then poke then reassure. Its a form of bullying. They want to cause the victim unpleasant feelings then reinstate good feelings to show you whose in charge. Do what i want or ill cause issues. Insidious behaviour that conditions for more and more abuse.
    Its gaslighting.

  13. Jane Hall says:

    I too laughed reading this. What a git. My Narc is stupid. Seriously I have realised this. But he is still a narc. He shouts suddenly at the dog and makes me jump. Or he will bang the door loudly if not happy. Worse thing he did…..I had been working a long 12 hour shift on the ward at the hospital. I came home exhausted. I asked our daughter where her dad was. She said she didn’t know. I suddenly heard this terrible, terrible noise!! It was like some poor animal was being tortured to death. Being a nurse I just listened….I tried to figure out where it was coming from. My daughter played along…..I said “What the hell is that”/? The terrible, God awful noise went on and on. Eventually, my husband burst out from behind a cupboard LAUGHING. He had created the noise….using a trapped Rat. He had put the noise on repeat and in the bathroom by the ceiling. So I would think there were rats in the attic. There were originally rats in the attic we had had to get rid of. I just couldn’t believe that My husband could be so mean and stupid… to play a JOKE on his exhausted wife. My daughter apologised. I just shook my head as my hubby continued to find it all totally amusing. Weirdo.

    1. Jane Hall says:

      Can I just add … wasn’t a rat my Husband had was a sound he had downloaded. HG Is my husband just stupid or a stupid narc?

      1. Just curious says:

        Why are you still with him in the first place?

    2. p says:

      abusing the dog is unacceptable, idiot behaviour. eject button! pretending there are ghosts is fun. i’m a big kid.

      1. p says:

        everything is communication: abuse, games, testing boundaries. i also find my responses to a situation interesting. it’s like getting a 3-d map of someone’s mental presence in the dynamic between you, and i have to use my own resources to explore. like in this case, a sexist-based fear of fear! vs the power of the unknown. the recipient of this game isn’t really passive, or doesn’t have to be.

        obviously, there are boundaries. obnoxious dominance and abuse should be rejected. when monsterboy wanted to ruin fun for me, suddenly switching the game up, it was because he has trust issues and didn’t want me to have fun without him, because he had fun with me (and i defensively took that as an insult). he was communicating his own separation anxiety. but he also doesn’t want to show vulnerability because that might give someone else power over him, represented by committing him to a bond. it’s hard to take, but it really is just emotional immaturity. – that was in his case. in another case when someone stalked, threatened and hit me, that wasn’t fun (obviously), and the psychological pattern wasn’t something i related to at all, so fuck them.

        what i don’t understand is why people willfully ignore a person’s behaviour in order to get them to conform to a reality you want to believe is there. they assume there is one shared reality to begin with, but there isn’t. being totally irresponsible all the time is tedious, but adult conventionality can also be stifling. but even worse, it tells people, especially women, that they should immediately attach to someone.

  14. Renee says:

    Mines a smoker and he loves to drop the lighter from 2 feet above onto the glass table….asshole

    1. HG Tudor says:

      What kind of lighter?

      1. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD. says:


        Don’t get any ideas…. lol

        You… and lighting things on fire 😂

      2. NarcAngel says:

        Calm down Pyro. Youre drooling.

  15. Natalie says:

    Wow! I’m speechless!

  16. nikitalondon says:

    This is typical from really evil people , the nes who hurt people on purpose. With no regrets, no feelings, cold people… scary

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Hello stranger, good to see you commenting.

      1. nikitalondon says:

        Stranger??? Im not a stranger cmon ! I dont comment anymore so much but i do still read, but anyway you havr so many commenters… im not really missed 😜😜😜

  17. Laura says:

    How can anybody put up with this?

  18. Tracey says:

    Pure evil H G…

    1. HG Tudor says:

      That’s mild Tracey.

    2. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD. says:

      Oh just wait until he really gets started. That is freakin childs play. Lmao!

  19. Classic gaslighting. Not to be mean to the victim in this- but it made me laugh while picturing you gleefully stomping around making the noises. :). I would be immune to the noises at night however, since I sleep like the dead (apparently…)

  20. June says:

    Ha, my brother often did this very thing; (when we were alone in the house) making loud and/or bizarre sounds from another room, sometimes calling my name or saying something insulting, and then denying he heard or said anything.

    I suppose the goal was to make it so that in a case of he said/she said, his word is always accepted over mine.

    Eventually I made this particular manipulation tactic stop by accident. I thought I was going crazy, but due to an incident when I was a young kid I was terrified of psychiatrists. So eventually I just pretended that I too heard nothing. Better to be crazy and free than crazy and locked up in some institution, I thought. 😀

    After a couple weeks of ignoring them, the sounds mysteriously stopped.

    1. Narc affair says:

      June…interesting way to make it stop! Ignoring usually helps make it go away.

  21. p says:

    omg i would love this, for lots of reasons.

  22. Scout says:

    Sadistic, unforgivable behaviour. Narcy did many bad things when gaslighting, but he didn’t go as far as this.

  23. Snow White says:

    HG, that sounds like a lot of work.
    My ex was dramatic with sounds but not anything that was done out of my sight. I can’t imagine how my startle response would be after a night with you.

    Someone tapped me on the shoulder from behind today and I didn’t even jump. That’s a first in 16 months. It goes away slowly but surely, just like you said it would HG!!!

    1. HG Tudor says:

      It isn’t much work at all SW.

      Yes it does and well done to you SW for persevering. Have an HG Medal of Progress.

      1. Snow White says:

        Thanks for my medal HG!!! A real honor.
        The best thing that happened to me yesterday.

        Do you do this at night because your fuel levels are low or is it just part of the gaslighting?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Part of the gas lighting.

    2. Love says:

      Great job Snow! ❤🍎

      1. Snow White says:

        Thanks Love ❤️

        I always enjoy your tips too and advice.
        Now I need sage and crystals. Lol
        What will the crystals protect me from?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Having a healthy bank balance

          1. Indy says:

            No HG! Not that kind of crystal!

          2. Love says:

            I just understood that joke 😂😂😂

          3. Snow White says:

            That made me laugh this morning. Lol

        2. Love says:

          I’m not sure Snow. I like them because they’re pretty. I think you have to wash them occasionally in case they get dirty from negative energy. ❤

          1. Snow White says:

            Hi Love!
            I think my house is full of negative energy. lol
            I have always thought crystals are pretty. I love the little shops that have them hanging all over.

          2. Love says:

            Get them Snow. If you follow Feng Shui, you can place them in certain spots where energy is not flowing. 💙

          3. Indy says:

            So, I am going to sound rather unscientific and very hippy for this moment.

            You do wash them, you are supposed to wash them in cold water and bathe them in the light of a full moon to balance their properties. (I believe it is a Wiccan practice)

            Now, is there science behind it…nope, not other than that everything has an energy attached(as part of being a solid) but so does a table, but that is it….nothing else. It is just that extra thing that adds beauty and extra confidence in me. But it is not a replacement for hard core logic, strong no contact and working on ones vulnerabilities and being aware of them…I am a sensory seeking person, so I love looks, smells, tastes, sounds, feels. My home is full of things I love with regard to the senses. So the crystals are pretty, the sage and some incense smells cleansing to me, soft blankets to cuddle in, bubble baths and candles to relax, soft sounds like water fountains, and low light. Add in those gluten free treats with coffee and I am in comfy city. This is called relaxation/self soothe with the 5 senses. Yes, a DBT skill to calm oneself when stressed or in distress.

            Now, rose quartz is supposed to draw in loving vibes, black onyx are supposed to absorb negative energy, clear crystals for clarity. Other types have other assigned meanings, though I think pick what you are drawn to and what they remind you of. I do love blue lapiz and jade stones. I also like amethyst. Geodes are very pretty. I love earthy stuff, so unfinished rocks and crystals.

            For me, they are a visual reminder to draw those qualities into my life.

            And, like I said, they make good throwing weapons too. Hahaha…


          4. Love says:

            Thank you for explaining that Indy! I love rose quartz and amethyst too. I still have stones my friends gifted me many years ago.

    3. E. B. says:

      Congratulations on your progress, SnowWhite.

      1. Snow White says:

        Thank you E.B.
        Wasn’t much to most people but I felt it immediately.

      2. Indy says:

        I agree, EB!

        Snow you have made amazing progress. My startle response is till high. It has been since I was a wee bit. I wonder, what did you find was helpful for reducing that jump response? I have thought of doing EMDR, just haven’t jumped into that yet, as I am always nervous starting a new therapy. (yep, for real).

        1. Snow White says:

          Thanks Indy!
          That means sooo much to me. It took 17 months for that to happen. I have always been very responsive and a bit of a screamer. LOL
          I am like you Indy. I have always been the one to run around the house screaming if someone tried to scare me. The response must have been there but I had never felt the “unsafe” feeling or the “paralyzed” feeling from the startle response before. That was all new when I left that relationship. No one understood but the readers here and HG.
          My ex loved all the noise I made and I now know how she was just provoking me to get what responses she wanted. She chased me with crickets once and noise during sex was huge for her. Anything that she could find that I was afraid of she tried to ” help” with that. I hated when she coaxed me into getting on roller coasters with her. I had to drug myself to do it.
          Being aware of my surroundings and knowing to anticipate where some of my startle responses would come from have helped. The dogs barking on my walks were a lot for me last year and it still makes me a little nervous but I remind myself of where they are and I know I’m not afraid in any way of dogs. Time as best the factor. It’s running its course. I just bought two new books about C-PTSD and I’m hoping to learn a lot more. My therapist was not any help in this area. She doesn’t get the after affects of being on one of these relationships. I know I would have never guessed I would be in the state I’m in now.

          We are both making tremendous progress!!!
          I still credit everyone here. This has been the most therapeutic experience that I have had.
          Hope you are having a great weekend. ❤️❤️❤️

          1. Indy says:

            Hi Snow!
            Indeed, a lot of progress! Cheers to that!
            What two books did you get on PTSD and were they helpful?

  24. Indy says:

    Hmmmm, HG. This is very timely for me given what I am thinking about with regard to my strategy of leaving a line open in NC to keep an eye out for signs of stalking and when I fall into those spheres of influence. Though it may give me a heads up, it does keep me keyed up too and a little bit in emotion mind. Now, I am not freaking or anything. I do not have to take sleeping pills and I can relax, but it is on my mind that I have crossed that radar again….. And, as my kitty, nicknamed “ever presence”, knocked over a vase last night, I jumped up and went into scared state and checked all the doors. Only to be greeted by my cats guilty face and a big meow. Something to think about.

    1. Love says:

      Indy, burn sage. It clears the negative energy.

      1. Indy says:

        Hi Love,
        It is funny you say that. I actually use white sage! And have a few crystals too from when i was scared during last year’s aggressive hoover fest. I placed them around the home. And before anyone says anything, no I am not the tie-20-crystals around your head woman. Hahahah…

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Oh yes you are!

          1. Indy says:

            Okayyyyy, I am the crazy, hippy chic.

            Sure, I made a little crystal alter, use scented oils and smudge my home in sage to ward away bad ju-ju, but I do not tell others to do this to cure themselves of narcs. Plus, you were what helped me. The crystals were icing for me….and weapons! I can throw a rock, if needed.

            That is my personal crazy, not my professional crazy.

            Besides, I send them here first!
            ***whips out Congressional Referral Badge***
            ***bites golden badge***
            Well, hot damn, it’s chocolate!
            How did you know, HG 🙂

        2. Love says:

          Indy that is awesome! I have crystals and sage in my house too! 💜 you rock lady!

        3. Snow White says:

          Hi Indy!
          I NEVER think you are crazy and love your tips.

          1. Indy says:

            Hi Snow,
            Thank you 😊 sometimes I feel crazy because even though I have a strong bend toward science, I do dabble with “energy” vibes and hippy stuff for myself. Professionally, I leave the hippy fun at home.😂

          2. 1jaded1 says:

            Hi Indy. Someone I know calls it spiritual, not hippy. She is into crystals and chakra. Opening up the good energy.

          3. Indy says:

            Hi 1Jaded1,
            Yes, I have too. I had a tiny bit of chakra
            Work done. It was fun and I felt dizzy after. Thank you for the validation 😊

          4. HG Tudor says:

            I once worked to Chaka Khan, does that count?

          5. Indy says:

            Ha! To this song, I am sure!

          6. Love says:

            I feel for you
            I think I love you
            I feel for you
            I think I love you…

          7. 😀

          8. 1jaded1 says:

            Could only imagine that, HG. It counts. Everything counts.

          9. Snow White says:

            I don’t know about that HG! Lol
            Maybe we can get you some new energy too.

          10. Snow White says:

            Hi Jaded!!!
            How are you doing?
            I need some of that positive energy. I’m hoping that the new season will bring some but I have zero indication that it will.
            Going to try sage though. Lol

          11. Love says:

            Ahhhhhh! Indy ! You’re so cute!!! After almost a year, it is wonderful to put a face to you!!! 💜💜💜

          12. Indy says:

            Aww thank you Love😊
            Yes, I felt the same seeing you and others on here. It is nice.

          13. Snow White says:

            Hello Indy!!!
            Love your picture! I missed the conversation that Clarece was talking about but I will have to get my daughter to help me with a picture. Lol
            She already told me “no”. Lol
            I would love a reunion!

            It’s funny that I talk about what’s real and what’s fake all the time and I still can believe in the hippy stuff that you talk about.
            Any more noises in your house??

      2. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD. says:

        Or burn the narcissist lmao …

        Joking… well…half joking…

        Perhaps a voodoo doll? Lmao

        1. MLA - Clarece says:

          A Voodoo doll stuffed with Sage?

          1. Indy says:

            Voodoo Doll, MLA Clarece!
            I steer clear of them. One visit to New Orleans will scare one away from voodoo faster than you can say, yikes!
            I stick with white light stuff…my karma is fast and furious. My home would flood again. Can’t do it. LOL

        2. Love says:

          No Doc. Don’t do it. Black magic comes back 3fold.

    2. E. B. says:

      Hi Indy,

      Nice to meet you! 🙂 You are as pretty on the inside as you are on the inside.
      Some time ago I was reading one of your comments and if I am not wrong, you are a real Empath (you are empathic and not just empathetic). Now you are writing about burning sage and having crystals and this confirms my suspicion! Haha I have read all about empaths when I thought I could be one of them but I can only feel the energy and feelings of people I am deeply connected with. Do you do shielding? If so, does it help?

      1. E. B. says:

        You are as pretty on the *outside* as you are on the inside. (Sorry, I was typing without my glasses on)

        1. Indy says:

          Hi EB,

          That is such a lovely compliment, thank you. Yes, I am what HG calls an energy empath, which i think relates to the other definition of empath (feeling energy, etc). I feel vibes and when I was young I did not know how to handle it. I hid from people and isolated a lot. I did have a rebel boyfriend in my teens that taught me how to let my hair down a bit. LOL But, yes, I needed to learn to block and protect myself. It took a long time before I released how to do that though. I had a monk teach me a little about it during meditation training and my clinical supervisor also taught me a couple of tricks so I do not absorb other people’s emotions and vibes. I do not have any “psychic” powers, though I have felt past pains in objects and land. (I know, sounds weird).

          Are you one too? There are a couple of other women here that also relate to it as well.

    3. 1jaded1 says:

      Indy. You are welcome. I haven’t worked with the gem stones. It is on my do it list.

    4. E. B. says:


      Nice to meet a true Empath 🙂 I have read about it but I have never met a true Empath before. Feeling pain in nature does not sound weird to me. As for objects, it is recommended to have/buy new ones instead of using those which belonged to other people. Congratulations on learning how not to absorb other people’s (negative) emotions! This must be very difficult to achieve. Certain people drain me and sometimes I get sick. According to some tests, I am not a true Empath and according to other ones, I am supposed to be one. Although I have many traits, I do not have the most important ones like “feeling overwhelmed with the pain of the world”.

      1. Indy says:

        Hi EB,
        There is a test? I didn’t know. I might not pass it either 😄 I just know I feel stuff 😂

        1. E. B. says:

          Hi Indy

          Yes, there are several tests. If you google “How to know if you are an empath”, “empath test” or “empath quiz”, you will find different tests with different questions and the problem is that depending on what sort of questions those tests include, the results can be quite different. Sometimes I score very high and I am supposed to be definitely one of them but other times I am not.

          Empath traits are innate, not learned and, in my particular case, some of my empath traits (not all) are actually learned from my upbringing in a dysfunctional family. Besides, I am not a healer and do not believe in the supernatural, paranormal, telepathic or similar things.

          Most of the time, but not always, I can sense people (especially women) who are evil, vindictive and sadistic, although they only show their perfect façade (very nice, friendly, ‘lovely people’) and I always wonder why nobody else can see through their fake façade at all. Maybe what I actually perceive and other people don’t (including many narcissists, who seem to be as blind as the rest) is their *negative energy/emotions*.

          Regardless of whether we are true empaths or not, if we are prone to absorb other people’s negative energy/emotions, I believe that we have to learn to stop it or at least to release this energy in a healthy way. It is emotionally and physically draining. It makes me sick and I am not exaggerating here.

          1. Indy says:

            Hi EB,
            Thanks for the info. I completely agree with you, we do have to learn and practice ways to protect our own energy and not absorb others. (I get drained by it and have to have alone time). Practicing different types of meditation and visualizations regularly has helped me as well as a strong self care routine nearly daily. For me, for example, that entails decompression alone time for at least an hour, hot bubble baths with epsom-lavender salts, eating clean healthy foods when I can, tea, and visualization mindfulness work, focusing on an anchor externally sometimes. I guard my physical health closely as I can get sick quickly.

            This is just an example of mine, what works for me may not work for others. When I lived closer to the woods, I used to walk in them alone and it centered me. I used to spend time hiking and listening to the rivers and birds. Now I do not get to take “nature baths” do I will open my windows at night and listen when it’s raining. It rains regularly in the summer here for brief periods.

            Another trick taught to me was to imagine a white light surrounding you and check in with your inner feelings before social meetings so you can know when you are starting to feel other people’s stuff and try little recentering tricks when you do feel their stuff creeping in a little too far.

            Clensling breathing and other rituals help me after such interactions as well. It took practice for me though with some partitioning and boundaries skills, I can actually do counseling of those with severe emotional dysregulation (like BPD) and not take it into me too far and wash it out when I’m moving to another session or going home. I doesn’t mean I forget them, they just do not drain me until I’m ill. I will say, I’ve had to take breaks from that work from time to time for self care too.

            It’s important to find what works for you and these are just ideas that worked for me. Sure, I have some crystals but I’m not reliant on them, they serve as physical reminders to me to draw in balance, light and love. Plus I’m a sucker for ritual, being a former catholic lol Does this make sense?

    5. E. B. says:

      Hi Indy

      Thank you for your help! It is very much appreciated. I have not heard about Clensling breathing before but I have just found some videos on YT and will look at them as soon as I have time.

      It is true that some things work for some people and not for others and that we have to find out what works for us. The best way I can recharge energy is when I am alone in nature. Also water is very important to me. When we interact with other people an *energy exchange* takes place. This explains why passive-aggressive narcissists exhaust me, I get headaches and they make me feel sick.

      1. Twilight says:

        EB and Indy

        What would you say a “true” empath is? We are all empathic on different levels, and different development of empathy. So I am using the term “true” loosely as to we all have a root core about us.

        1. E. B. says:

          Hi Twilight,

          True empaths can feel the emotional or physical pain of others as if it was their own. They know it without being told. They can also feel the suffering of plants and animals. They feel sick when they are around certain people. Because they absorb other people’s negative energy, they get tired and need to have time alone, preferably in nature, to recharge. They feel and know that they are different than the rest. These are some of the traits but there are some more.

          1. Twilight says:

            Hi EB

            I agree with you and yes there are more. Thank you.

        2. Indy says:

          Hi Twilight,
          I think what EB meant was not “true” but “original definition” of Empath.

          Now, I can’t answer what is true or not. I do think we are all on a spectrum of intensity and number of traits, just like narcissists and all things related to human categories of different traits.

          I’m still trying to learn what I am 😊 The one thing I can say is that I do strongly absorb others energy and emotional vibes. I do this with places too. So with time I’ve learned how to cope with it as it gets intense at times. I think you told me you felt this too, right Twilight? I think we spoke about being what HG calls energy empaths. Did I remember correctly?

          Hope you are having a lovely Sunday, it’s raining here and I’m on the day before kindergarten mission with my grandson 😊 We’ve got the clothes, supplies and stopped for delicious lemon custard. My picky grandson LOVES it❤️

          1. Twilight says:

            Hi Indy

            Yes you are correct, we have spoken on this.
            Original is a term I would say, better then “true” as to we are all empaths on a spectrum. Just like the narcissist. I do believe if you lined us up a balance would be seen.
            I am finding HGs newest empath series enlightening and shows a deeper meaning with this spectrum. At least in a deeper detail, on the why’s certain actions come to the surface.

            Today is amazing and the sun is shinning here! Just ugh the humidity is a killer!!!
            Oh my so much fun shopping for the little guys, I have a birthday party next weekend, the big 9. Taking him shopping sometimes leaves me going hmmm with what he is into. He drew me a picture of the marshmallow man from ghost busters…..on fire!

          2. Indy says:

            Aw you have a 9 year old! Such a fun age. Enjoy planning his party! Marsh Mallow Man on fire sounds familiar.

          3. Twilight says:

            Lol Indy

            That is but the tip of the ice burg with that ones imagination…….

            Lol I do like to throw them at night, he he marsh mellows fire balls…

          4. E. B. says:

            Hi Indy,
            Just wanted to add that ‘True Empath’ is not *my* definition. Yes, you are right, it is the “original definition” of Empath. HG’s definition ‘Energy Empath’ is more accurate.

          5. Indy says:

            Hi EB,
            I totally understood what you meant and that it was not “your” definition. I was just clarifying for others that you probably meant “original definition”.
            No worries 🙂

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