We do not do things by halves. There is no magnolia adorning the walls where we live. Muzak does not play in the background and we never choose to eat vanilla ice cream. If it is neutral, if it is middle of the road and if it is sat on the fence we do not want to know. If it is bland you can forget about it, if something is inoffensive it is of no use to us and words such as unobjectionable, unprejudiced and unbiased are pointless.

We are not interested in fair or equitable and indifference is loathed by us. If you are uncommitted, open-minded, even-handed, detached and unaligned you are not performing as we want you to. Anything which smacks of being straight down the middle holds no interest for us because everything that we want has to be extreme. We want it ice cold or burning hot. Take our ignited fury for instance. When you pass comment on us or do something which is a criticism and you do so in an unemotional, detached and straightforward manner you may as well drive a spear into our hearts as this criticism wounds and burns. To counter it, our fury will ignite and then we retaliate by adopting the extreme. We may lash out at you, pouring scorn and labelling you with a medley of offensive and nasty words, designed to tear into you and cause you to sob. We may adopt the other extreme and provide you with our haughty and stand-offish cold fury, the icy glare and cold shoulder turned towards you. We live and flourish by extremes. There is never any settling for average. It is either feast or famine.

In the beginning, we must create a deluge of false affection as we lavish you with compliments and praise. The words come easily and these softly spoken or enthused exclamations (even our method of delivery adopts an extreme) are poured over you so you are drenched with our affection and love. You are drowning in desire, swamped by our seduction and buried beneath an avalanche of affection. You are given the expensive gifts, nothing cheap, nothing crass or tatty, only the finest and most delightful items are selected for you. You are regaled with tales of our achievements, our excellence and our brilliance. I was not player of the year once but four times. I am not just the highest biller in the department but the entire firm. My car is top of its range. I only ever eat organic, none of that fast processed food for me. My handkerchiefs are silk not cotton. I have three toothbrushes for morning, noon and night. I use four different skin products when I wash in the morning. You read War and Peace in a week? I did it in three days. I don’t just text message you once or twice each day, no, what would be the point of that? You receive a text tsunami. Impressed? You ought to be. That is how special you are and how sensational I am by being able to ping text after text your way and still be as hard-working as I am.

I don’t obey the speed limit, that is for ordinary people. When it is time to go out and party, you will always notice when my entourage and I have arrived. Just watch that bar bill escalate. Why have one partner when five can be juggled? Why gamble a hundred pounds when a thousand will win much more? Five star? I want five-star superior? I am the five-star combatant – the Admiral of the Fleet, Field Marshal and Marshal of the Air Force. Turn it up to eleven. Why a dozen guests? Make it two dozen. Let’s make a show, let’s make a splash, let’s push it further. I lead a life of excess. I engage in extreme behaviours. I never just talk, I either shout and rage or seductively whisper. I don’t get a cold, I have pneumonia and you had better look after me whilst I have it.

Not only do I cause you to soar to the heights, I also take you to the extreme depths. I freeze you out. I lambast you with acidic words. I take it away and send you tumbling towards rock bottom. Down, downwards I will cast you. I don’t just want you to cry, I want you to wail and scream. I don’t want you irritated by my behaviour, I want you to be angry, blowing a gasket, beside yourself with annoyance. I do not want you to be sad, I want you to be desolate. I do not want you to be unhappy, I want you to be mired in misery. High or low, it does not matter as long as it is not in the middle.

Why am I like this? Why does my kind and me never settle for okay or fine, but have to take it to outstanding or terrible? We do so because extreme means special. Extreme means superior. Extreme means you will take notice of me. I do not just fade into the background. I am not beige. I do not sink into a grey sea. I am impenetrable darkness and I am glorious light. I am not a steady monotone, for I am the heavy, resonant and sonorous bass and the tinkling angelic bells.

I am like this because nobody remembers the middle man, the middle ranking and the go-between. Neutral is nothing. I must be noticed. I must be admired. I must shock and awe. I must stand out, turn heads and be the topic of conversation, good or bad, it matters not so long as I am recognised. I must provoke, stimulate and arouse so I am always noticed and paid attention to. I must always take it as far as possible and the further again. Extreme is the only option available to me. How else am I going to fill this emptiness?

51 thoughts on “Extreme

  1. Emma says:

    A guy I have had a few dates with
    – has had over 15 speeding tickets since 2004
    – has changed careers and I mean totally different careers like (construction worker, engineer, cop, marine, law school student) since 2010 and didn’t stay in any of those longer than about two years.
    – claims he has never dated anyone consistently for an entire year without breaking up
    – told me I am perfect and exactly what he is looking for
    I see these as red flags of being unstable but I am not sure if they are red flags for narcissism. Does he sound like he might be a narcissist? Maybe I am just paranoid because of my ex.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Hello Emma, one would need more information but as I read NPD and BPD sprang to mind.

  2. RS says:

    By the way, I will never get on another dating site again as long as I live now that I know it’s the narc’s playground!

    1. Diva says:

      Hi RS I have never actually chatted to or met anyone from a dating site……although I have had a look around the main ones……I prefer to leave my personal fate to fate……I believe if I am meant to meet someone that they will cross my path one way or another. It is unfortunate however that fate is dictating that I am worth no more than narc fodder!!!!!

      1. robins359 says:

        I have been on one and you can spot them right away. They start off telling you how beautiful you are, most of them say they are a widower which is strange because in my whole life, I don’t recall ever meeting a man off line who told me that. Also, a lot of them live clear across the US or other country and still want to have a relationship with you. I don’t want to date anyone who takes more than 45 minutes to get to my house! I was on that site for 6 months and only met 2 of them somewhere for a drink. They didn’t look anything like their picture! They always want to know if YOUR picture is current, but THEIRS looks like it was taken 10 years ago. I’m like you, if I’m meant to meet someone, I will do it the old fashioned way. BTW, you are worth more than narc fodder. Now we know the signs, listen to that voice and see the red flags and run!

        1. Diva says:

          Hi RS…..I think I have a solution to our problem whereby we love the seduction/golden period of being with a narc but we struggle with devaluation and discard……….so here it is…….a) Find a narc that is exciting….b) Find a narc that makes you laugh…c) Find a narc who has a great job….d) Find a narc that has lots of money….e) Find a narc that is intelligent…..f) Find a narc who is good in and out of the bedroom!!!!….NOW THIS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT BIT……..MAKE SURE NONE OF THESE NARCS EVER MEET EACH OTHER!!!!!! Sure we could give them all the same nickname …..”NARKY”……then we would never get them mixed up……even if one of them was discarding us or devaluing us….we would always be in the seduction or golden period with at least one of the others……and if they aren’t “performing” we could discard them, as being empaths, we will have no bother picking up another narc……..it’s like the hunted becoming the hunters…….If anyone is in any doubt I AM DEFINITELY JOKING……..(I think)…..I hope these aren’t my famous last words that I spoke about on another post!!!!!!! I am not very good at grovelling…..Diva

          1. RS says:

            That sounds like a pretty great plan to me!😃👍🏻 You go first and let me know how it pans out.😉

          2. Diva says:

            Coward!!!! I had better get on that match.com and rustle a few up……narcs only need apply!!!!!! Humour keeps me going…….even though most of the time it’s only me laughing!!!!!!

          3. robins359 says:

            Better YOU laughing than one of them laughing because they pulled one over on you. There enough seedy characters out there without going on Match.com, believe me! 😉

          4. Indy says:

            Hahahaha Diva,
            If we only could, the carousel of narks (a play on the carousel of masks).

            Today the brown Morgan, tomorrow a cute Shetlin pony, next an elegant grey Arabian, next the Thoroughbred and end with a unicorn 😄

    2. Me neither.

  3. Natalie Rand says:

    Hello H.G ,
    When do you take a day off?
    Do you have help with your narc site, YouTube channel and e-books or are you doing all of this work single handed ?
    I’m impressed with all of your efforts and hope that you will continue.
    Thank you .

    1. HG Tudor says:

      I do it myself. Thank you Natalie.

      1. robins359 says:

        I don’t think you even sleep. (maybe 3 hours?)

      2. Bliss says:

        That’s something! Does that leave you enough time to ensnare new supplies? Just curious if you’re still managing to get the same level (especially intimate source) with blog and books etc. on top of your everyday life.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          I am highly effective with regard to the maintenance of my existing fuel matrix and therefore I have no concerns in that regard. If I needed to apply more effort to the garnering of fuel in my private life, then I would not apply as much time to the blog. Fuel comes first.

  4. robins359 says:

    “You are given the expensive gifts, nothing cheap, nothing crass or tatty, only the finest and most delightful items are selected for you.”

    He (you will never hear me refer to him as MY ), was the cheapest narc in the world. I said once before that the only gifts he ever gave me was a refrigerator magnet and a shot glass, because I collect them. I spent money on him though. What a putz I am!

  5. Diva says:

    I will need to read this article again and again……it strikes a cord with me that I do not understand…..on the first read I could relate to many of the statements as if I were the narc. Then after reading it again and again, I realised (I think) that this is what attracts me to the narc……..I detest neutral, I want it ice cold, I want it burning hot, I want the extremes, the highs and the lows, the uneven keel …..I like different…..these are traits that appeal to me…that I find attractive…..but my reasons (and I don’t know what they are) are not the same as the narcs……however I know this much…..I do not need to be admired, noticed or recognised….in fact I will go out of my way to make sure I am not the centre of attention…….I do not want to stand out or be the topic of conversation, I am quite content for someone else to wear that crown. Maybe I am the only one here that thinks this way….maybe this makes no sense to anyone else but me……be warned that I have already been told by HG that I have a peculiar logic….but that is the best way I can describe how I felt when I read this article.

    1. MLA - Clarece says:

      Hi Diva,
      You’re not alone. I identify with several of your sentiments.

      1. Diva says:

        Hi MLA – CLARECE many thanks for your response……I thought no one would understand my post………in fact sometimes I find it difficult to understand myself. I very nearly deleted that post before I submitted it but I am glad that I didn’t now. It is nice to know that someone else relates to what you write even if it may not be the majority. I always read your posts too……I hope you don’t mind me throwing you a comment every now and then……I am a civil sort most of the time…….thankfully not too many people are able press my tiger switch!!!!!!

        1. MLA - Clarece says:

          Absolutely – comment away! I could tell you sent that with some trepidation so I wanted to let you know you weren’t off-base.

          1. Diva says:

            Hi Clarece…..thank you for the words of support……if I ever “comment” too much…..just tell me to HUSH….. Diva

    2. robins359 says:

      I feel that way as well. I look for someone who is the opposite of me, who stands out. My ex-husband is so neutral and blah and I settled because I was told he was such a nice man. He is. He is not fun or exciting. When I think of how I spent the best years of my life nearly dying of boredom it makes me want to cry. That’s what attracted me to the narc. He was anything but boring. I relate to you perfectly.

      1. Diva says:

        I understand you too…..we are looking for someone that looks like a narc, acts like a narc but isn’t actually a narc!!!!!!!

        1. robins359 says:

          EXACTLY! Is there such an animal?!

          1. Diva says:

            Do you want to try it out on match.com?????…….I am too afraid to do that…..I can attract these fruit loops without even leaving the house. It is in a nutshell what we are all looking for, but if that animal exists I sure haven’t met him yet………I can’t get out of my head…….if it looks like a narc and acts like a narc ……then it’s probably a narc……You see I am very negative……that’s why I attract them in the first place……I am handing out negative fuel before they even appear!!!!!!!

          2. RS says:

            That’s exactly how I feel!!! We are doomed!😩

    3. K says:

      I completely understand everything you wrote and I am glad you didn’t delete it. I do not want to be the center of attention either but it is the extremes that make you feel alive. Beige is boring.

      1. Diva says:

        Hi K……I am glad that I didn’t delete the post now too……it’s a bit of comfort knowing that it is not only me that feels this way……..as I am surrounded (where I live) by people that don’t understand me at all or rather don’t understand the choices that I have made. Diva

      2. K says:

        Hello Diva, I am surrounded by narcissists or people with the personalities of boiled potatoes. No one understands me either that is why I am here. It can be difficult to share thoughts because you are not sure how they will be received. I have seen some pretty strong comments here which is very encouraging. So please keep sharing, I enjoy reading what you post. K

        1. Diva says:

          Hi K I find it difficult to share my thoughts and circumstances mainly because I am not used to doing it…..there was never any point and there was no one I could tell even if I wanted to…….no doubt you will understand that logic if you have lived with a narc. Yes it is also daunting putting in writing what you have been through for all to see…..that is harder to deny….and I have spent a long time in denial, living a lie and I am only just beginning to realise that. However, you will get plenty of understanding on here…..the odd jibe……but mostly it’s good craic. Diva

    4. Oops says:

      Diva, this hits so close to home, thank you. I love different, imperfection, excitement too. My narc told me I was the narc and a sociopath. I started to wonder…only I hate to think I hurt someone and I beat myself up more than anyone else.

      I overthink when I’m alone.

      1. Diva says:

        Hi Oops…. you don’t sound like a narc to me………I overthink too……maybe it’s the nature of the beast when you are an empath. I have come to realise that you can still go to extremes, do something exciting or different, without having a narc or in fact any man in your life, you just have to think outside of the box a little more as you are no longer relying on them to provide it. Once you put your mind to it, it’s not too difficult and then that usually opens other doors along the way. I say all of that whilst not really knowing if I can actually resist a narc myself……now that I am aware of them……..who said “I can resist everything except temptation”…???? I have an awful feeling that this applies to me.

  6. Jane Hall says:

    My husbands mum and dad used to say about him “oh he is so black and white there is no in between with him”. That was a warning.
    We do have magnolia on the walls however.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Last sentence was very good.

  7. K says:

    No wonder narcissist want empaths; they can be extremely emotional. When I was a young empath I used to street race (illegal and dangerous) but fun. God, I miss those heady days of youth.

  8. Bliss says:

    This made me cry because that is just so him. Very extreme! Every time I think I’m over him, it hits me hard again. Doesn’t help that I encountered him again and I simply cannot resist his charm. Argh!

    Is there anything that tells us how to resist such charms? He has a great mind and to me is god-like. I know he isn’t but it’s just the whole charisma and sexual magnetism thing, very predatory. He even proudly told me about all his new conquests but instead of being put off, I was just drawn to him, wanting him back in my life. Double argh!

    1. K says:

      Bliss on
      Read: Sex and The Narcissist that should help you resist his charms. It turned the golden period into dust motes for me. I haven’t read: Exorcism yet but that might help too.

      1. Bliss says:

        Thank you. K. I have read the first and it helped massively. I was so addicted to sex with him to begin with. Now I just can’t resist his charm. I am almost hypnotised in his presence. Friends took me for a proper night out recently and I was asked out by a couple of decent guys and friends were baffled when I turned them all down and said none of them are as good as my evil narc! I agree with them, I am crazy! Been meaning to read exorcism. Time to get round to it seeing as I can’t turn off the waterworks and keep falling for him again every time he throws me a rotting carrot. I need to take all the lessons learnt here a lot more seriously.

      2. K says:

        It takes a while to get past the charm and fakery. Some narcissists are amazing at mirroring; it is very eerie. Almost hypnotic. Just keep reading. Let me know what you think of Exorcism when you read it; it is on my hit list, too.

      3. Bliss says:

        Will do, K. That should be motivation for me to read it! Thanks. 🙂

  9. Kimi says:

    So very accurate, in my experience! Excellent HG!

    “How else am I going to fill this emptiness?,” the motivation for it all… Heart-breaking!

  10. Lisa says:

    Another spot on observation , my narcissist with food, if cold had to be ice cold if hot , red hot. Slept in a freezing bedroom . They are cookie cutter

    1. Nothing wrong with a chilly bedroom imho. Better than being hot. You can always add blankets 🙂

      1. Lisa says:

        I agree I like a cool bedroom. But I’m talking freezing

  11. Lisa says:

    Did you watch that program on tv the other night HG, the interviews with Diana ?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      No Lisa, did you?

      1. Lisa says:

        Yes i did , I wondered what your thoughts were on it. I think there are a lot of narcissists in our royal family do you ? It’s been said Diana was a borderline , but that might just be part of what was said to discredit her . What are your thoughts ?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          I think there are some yes. I suspect Diana was a borderline. However, it is very difficult for the actual facts of the behaviour to be known given the parties involved and the machines behind them.

  12. Indy says:

    Do you even own a pair of khakis?

    (I bet you have a pair of red leather pants in the back of that closet,waaay back!)

    Oh, wait, that is that other narc, Rod the Bod, Stewart. Somatic, you think?

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