The Expanded Narcissistic Truths – No. 3


We come cloaked in our finery to dazzle and bewitch yet this enthralling and alluring appearance is but an artifice designed to cater to our needs and keep that which the world ought not to see at bay.

Shall I be the charming boyfriend who brings you breakfast in bed or the grizzled tyrant that bellows from the landing demanding to know why the right shirt is not available even though you ironed seven of them yesterday? Perhaps I will be the cheery neighbour who stops and compliments the fellow next door on his new motor vehicle or do I rake a key down the paintwork smiling to myself as I feel the Thought Fuel at his dismay washing over me?  How about being the benevolent boss who is magnanimous in his appraisal of a junior employee or might I be the savage dictator whose fleck infested diatribe reduces the underling to tears? Passionate lover or glacial companion? Entertaining purveyor of anecdotes or bilious issuer of put downs? Such choices.

Yet it is not just a matter of good or bad, there is more to layer on top of that. Do I regale my friends with that story of how I went marlin fishing in Bermuda to impress them even though it was my brother who went and I have taken his tale to be my own? Do I claim the theories of a fellow academic as mine when discussing matters with the undergraduates in my tutorial group? Do I claim to know much about the works of Bach because I have glanced over my girlfriend’s play list of classical music? That snippet of conversation that was overheard discussing the merits of staying at the Cavalieri Hotel in Rome and the ‘views to die for’ becomes my stay there last month. A useful review of Transpotting 2 in the broadsheets is commandeered to become my opinion which receives nods of approval when I recount it over dinner.

Why feel the need to be something that we are not? This varies dependent on the school from which we hail but at its essence remains this indisputable fact; we do not want to be nor can we be, that thing which we spend our time escaping from. Most of our kind do not realise this. They have no comprehension that a construct has been created for the purposes of ensnarement. Ensnarement of victims and the continuing ensnarement of The Creature. They do not know it, believing that their construct IS them and hence should you act in a way that attacks that construct through criticism then the response is intense, volcanic and instant. Those who form the majority of our ranks are unable to make such a distinction, unable to recognise what they have created and what they are imprisoning but believe their own creation to be them. Such is the power of delusion. They have no choice in determining what they will be today. They are governed by the instinctive need to respond as the fuel dictates and thus the rage-filled father who smashes his son’s favourite toy was not chosen but appeared because that was what was required to respond to his son running to his mother and not him. The doting son who faithfully calls his aged mother every Sunday without fail notwithstanding her dismissive treatment of him ordinarily is one compelled to do so in order to maintain his facade of decency and to irritate you when you suggest he ought to put her in her place. The quiet yet charming man who is the complete gentleman on the dates you have together is one which has been constructed out of need and is a programmed behaviour to bring about seduction. Whichever way these of our kind face is as a consequence of need – fuel, the facade, the acquisition of residual benefits – and it matters not if there is a swing from demon to angel in the space of the minute, but that is what must occur.

Furthermore, the repeated regurgitation of lies to furnish the construct for the purposes of  attraction is an instinctive response. The lie is believed because the Lesser or Mid-Ranger perceives his construct as what he or she is and thus the knee-jerk boasts, the blatant exaggerations and the out and out lies about achievements, status, job, number of lovers and the number of times one has seen U2 in concert are viewed as truth. Challenge them at your peril. The Lessers and Mid-Ranger have no choice in terms of how they furnish their construct and how they respond to the appliances around them.

The Greater of our kind exert choice but it is always within the confines of the overriding objective, namely, all is as the fuel wills it to be. Thus, the decision to berate a shop assistant is one of choice but is governed by the need for fuel. The decision not to answer your telephone calls is one of choice but again is subjected to the requirements of fuel. We Greaters have more substance than our lower-ranked brethren, we have the achievements, the abilities, the successes but it is never enough. One must be better, more popular, more attractive, more muscular, more accomplished, more, more, more. Thus that which is already there was deemed not to be good enough. So there must be the embellishments, the exaggerations, the add-ons. Pilfer here, acquire there, purloin this and steal that in order to make that cloak the finest ever created. You might suggest we ought to be content with the considerable abilities that we already possess but that is viewed from your perspective. From ours, there is always another higher mountain to conquer and it must be conquered because if we do not stop driving forward then we risk perishing.

I wield tremendous power. I can be anything I want and do whatever I please. Yet, as Lord Acton sagely stated,

“Power corrupts. Absolute power corrupts absolutely.”

I have absolute power but it has been corrupted because it is always subject to another force, that of the need for fuel.

I appear as the dictator with seemingly unrestrained power and influence as I choose to be whatever I want to be.

Yet I have come to realise that I am the puppet government put in place by fuel.

Listen to ‘The Expanded Narcissistic Truths – No. 3’

62 thoughts on “The Expanded Narcissistic Truths – No. 3

  1. Indy says:

    Hi Windstorm2,
    I could not comment directly to something you wrote above, so I am quoting it here:
    “….memorizing a set of formulaic responses to various common situations with no cohesive personality to define them as a person”.

    This is a great observation.

    In the world of Autism, this is referred to as the act of “scripting”. This is what some of those on the spectrum do to get by socially. It is often exhausting for them because it is learned and not natural. As the individual gets older, the social interactions become more complex, so must the scripts. This often results in social fatigue, anxiety and social withdrawal at times.

    It is interesting to see the few overlapping similarities of these very different disorders.

  2. windstorm2 says:

    Thinking further…that highlights the problem I was ranting about with my Moron. I’d like to be able to fuel him up, too when I have plenty, but I can’t.

    With my exhusband , there are no illusions. We both know what he is and we both know what I am, and we have learned how to interact with humor and both enjoy it. Not so with my Moron in Munich. He lives in his fantasy world and can’t even perceive reality.

    I can’t do fantasy and can only live in reality. So any interactions between us are guaranteed to irritate at least one of us. He ends up running away to prevent wounding and I just want to jack-slap him!

    1. MLA - Clarece says:

      Honest, realists can only do fantasy in small doses. I completely relate.

  3. jenna says:

    “… They do not know it, believing that their construct IS them…” – so does this mean they are acting genuinely? And if so, that means there is no mask? I’m a little confused now. It’s difficult to grasp the concept.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Their actions are what they believe to be their truth but they are not because they are just the representations of the false construct and how it responds to each given situation to preserve itself. This is why on Monday the construct was pleasant to you and then on Tuesday it was horrible to you. Each interaction was genuine in that moment, namely the narcissist believed it, but it was also not genuine because it was the action of the construct, which is a creation.

      1. windstorm2 says:

        I’m trying to internalize this, HG. It sounds like what they are doing is memorizing a set of formulaic responses to various common situations with no cohesive personality to define them as a person. Very chameleon-like. If this is correct then it is no wonder they are often insecure and withdraw. They will be out of their depth in any situation they have not planned out in advance. Running away to something familiar might is their best strategy.

        If that is true, it is very sad.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          That is an accurate way of describing it WS2.

          1. windstorm2 says:

            It’s very difficult for me to accept that so many narcs actually believe their own lies. As I think on it, though, it only makes sense. So many of the rest of us remain unaware of why we do what we do and often we believe our own lies as well.

            I wonder how much of self-awareness is a product of how we were raised? Deep thinking seems an acquired skill. I can’t help but believe that it can be learned – but maybe that’s the teacher in me. First one would need to want to learn and I fear a lot of people would not want to. Truth often hurts.

            I love how this blog provides so much opportunity for thinking and reflection. Thanks, HG. Have a great weekend. I’m hitting the road home finally!! Should arrive in the wee hours for the best of the Perséides!

          2. HG Tudor says:

            Yes I shall be wandering out to look for them also as they are peaking now. There’s no light pollution where I am, so plenty to see.

          3. windstorm2 says:

            I watch them every year. Some years I draw each one I see in white on black card stock. They make a very interesting picture. You can see that they mainly all come out of a central point in a whorl. Maybe I will see some on the road as well. Most of Missouri and Kentucky is very rural. Good luck in your viewing!!

          4. jenna says:

            Have a safe trip windstorm.

          5. windstorm2 says:

            Thank you, Jenna!

      2. ajo says:

        Still so hard for us empaths to understand how you can simultanously lie and know you’re lying, but also believe it. I saw it with my ex husband and with the ex boyfriend. They make up the story, know they’re making it up as it is happening, then believe the new story they created. However, if you threaten to, or leave, they’ll admit to the lie (which again is strange) to win you back. I saw a giant email my ex had written to his ex wife and his journal from when she left and he goes on and on about how two faced he was, how he manipulated her and how he thought he could have it all and how wrong it was. I think he understood what he did, but didn’t FEEL it.. (is that correct, HG?).
        I got my ex husband to admit to EVERYTHING by letting him get high on mary jane and just asking him questions. It was like truth serum to him. Insane!!! Weirdly, he really did “believe” while he was high that I was a wonderful woman and he didn’t deserve me. The insecure little boy inside knew this and came out in his “high” state. Sober, I was his trophy and I existed to make him look better and feel better. The ex boyfriend didn’t drink much, and I always wanted to get him drunk and ask questions. But I think he knows better than to let his guard down like that.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Hello Ajo, the Greater knows he or she is lying but does not care. The Lesser or Mid Range does not, because their lie is their truth.

      3. jenna says:

        “… It was the action of the construct…”

        But if they don’t know they’ve built this construct, then would it not be a manifestation of themselves? Thank you.

    2. MLA - Clarece says:

      Hi Jenna,
      I think the best analogy I can give you to help explain more what HG is saying is in the same night I fought with JN about him throwing away my graduation present to him, Love had commented how cruel and malicious he was even bringing up what he was doing sexually with his “girlfriend” earlier in the night who had texted me she was with him and had his “heart and mind”. In this same fight he was telling me what a good person he really is because he was helping his family by taking a sick aunt with cancer for treatments and doctor appointments. It’s all smoke and mirrors. But he was convinced those actions towards his Aunt negated anything bad he was saying and doing to me. Plus I was a secret so no one saw this side to him. I know the aunt really was sick and that he was helping because of accolades to him by other family members on FB after she went in remission (gag).
      A month later, btw, he apologized after a 6 week silent treatment because I wasn’t about to reach out to him after that. He admitted he no girlfriend at the time. He either faked being a girl with access to his phone or was with a friend playing a very mean prank which would add to the humiliation factor.
      That’s why for so long I thought I could still turn things around and “fix” the dynamic with JN even after finding HG to get the same treatment as what he shows his family. But they are the iron-clad construct. And he’s a “good” person because of it. (gag again)

      1. jenna says:

        Do you think JN may have been lying about not having a gf, in order to get back with you?
        Facebook ugh – him receiving applaud on it. Don’t forget “A man and his cat” loll
        I was also a secret.
        Hmm this example still doesn’t clarify it completely but i’m getting there😀
        Ty clarece!

        1. MLA - Clarece says:

          OMG! Yes, “The Man and His Cat” display posted by Dear Mom. How could I forget that gem? JN has never had an actual significant other the entire time I’ve known him. Even now. I think he likes to have online relationships (a lot like the reader Mary experienced) or he will see someone for a few months and then we they start to get attached or ask to be exclusive, that’s when he puts on the ice. Talk about someone with serious intimacy issues.
          He did not want to get back with me when he apologized a month later. He only wanted to resume texting and asking for Skype calls and future faking visits with me. I attempted again 2 months later to make a date happen for us to see each other. Bought White Sox tickets. He would not go.
          I believe that night we texted with the fight about his graduation present he either was with another f*ck buddy and she participated in trying to humiliate me or he just did it on his own since it was all from his phone number.

          1. windstorm2 says:

            He sounds like a loser. I’m glad you’re putting him out of your life. The commitment-phobes only cause heartache, in my opinion.

            Tonight is the 40th anniversary of meeting my Moron in Munich. We only were together the one time for 2 1/2 hours on a crowded train. As a kindness (fuel giving), I reminded him of the day. His response was that he “would cherish the memory of our common time tonight.” The whole 2 1/2 hours of just standing talking!

            I thought about saying, “what about the last 40 years? What about right now actually talking together? What about some actual reality instead of fantasy?” But I didn’t. He’d just see it as criticism and he deserves his dollop of fuel for providing the only tiny bit of romance ever in my life.

            He is such a loser. Like yours he just wants to fantasize and pretend on line – providing nothing real. Totally useless. I guess they can’t help it being midrangers, though. When I look back on the last 40 years, I have my family, my career, my home, my retirement. And there he is alone, never a family, a 61 year old in a deadend job alone in his little rented apartment, jacking off to fantasies. At least being a midranger, maybe he doesn’t realize what a joke he really is.

          2. MLA - Clarece says:

            But did he deserve that dollop of fuel for only a tiny bit of romance at the onset of 40 years?
            I read something interesting about a 4-decade study on healthy marriages. Healthy couples display a kindness and reciprocate interest in their partner even over small or mundane things.
            An example was a couple relaxing on a Sunday morning and the husband notices and says, “Look at this pretty bird right outside the window? ” The wife stopped reading her book to come look. He put out a small “bid” to connect and his wife reciprocated. This maintains intimacy. In unhealthy couples, the husband would be met with “I’m reading.” ” Leave me alone.” Or the best, silence. Lol
            You showed a true kindness and willingness to still connect on some level with your husband. He fell on his face in true form.
            You are such a prize WS2!!

          3. windstorm2 says:

            Not my husband. This is a guy I only met one time on a train 40 years ago yesterday. We have had an on again off again correspondence over the years that he said he wanted to bump up to something more a couple years ago when he found out I was divorced now. Trying to figure him out is what brought me here to the blog.

            No my husband I lived with for 30 years. He’s a greater cerebral who (unlike my Moron) knows how to maintain his fuel sources and understands the necessity of giving something If he wants to keep receiving. My husband always has a plan, knows what he’s doing and why. My loser midrange Moron just lives alone in a fantasy world pretending everything is what he wants it to be – sad and pathetic and completely unaware.

          4. MLA - Clarece says:

            Ohhhh, thank you for clarifying. Sorry I misunderstood that. I thought Moron was fitting too for the ex after he was wondering what he was supposed to eat while you were helping your daughter. Lol

          5. windstorm2 says:

            Ha, ha! He has his “Moron moments”. But I think they are often feigned. He enjoys playing up the role of being both above and unconcerned with anyone else’s opinion or any responsibilities. 😄

            You would not believe the mess I got home to this morning! It will take at least two days of cleaning to fix! But I am being appropriately grateful (since he did prevent thieves from breaking in) and fueling him up tomorrow in person. We are going to mass together and then lunch (façade management and fuel! – two birds with one stone!)

          6. MLA - Clarece says:

            I am truly in awe how you just roll with it.
            I would call Merry Maids and send him the bill. Of course he won’t pay. He’s above it. But I’d rub in his face the dollar value to his sloppy laziness by professionals. Fold it in a paper airplane and bonk him in the head with it

          7. windstorm2 says:

            Then he wouldn’t do squat next time I go to KS! He did definitely provide a “lived in” presence!
            He is what he is. My thinking is – for whatever reason, God brought us together. Who am I to argue with God?

            It’s like the make lemonade when you’re given lemons thinking. I always hated lemonade but I agree with the thinking. I realize it won’t work with evil, really abusive or unaware narcs, but acceptance works for us. I’ve learned how to protect myself from abusive harm and he’s learned to accept my limitations.

            Maybe part of it is our age, 60 and 61. I don’t think he could have held himself in check when he was younger and I couldn’t have been secure enough in myself to be so tolerant. I still couldn’t live with him!!! But after all these years, we just sort of belong together – like a crazy old grandma and her obnoxious older brother! 😝

          8. MLA - Clarece says:

            You did find a rhythm with each other. I believe there comes a stage in one’s life where the familiarity is comforting and appreciated rather than detested. Whether he can feel it, his subconscious knows you are the bees knees.
            Goodness I hope you can rest up for part of the weekend and not still have to clean up on Sunday. Lol

          9. windstorm2 says:

            I’m a lazy woman. I always find time to rest! 😊

          10. jenna says:

            “Moron in munich” 😂

          11. jenna says:

            Clarece, is it “THE man and his cat”? I thought it was “A man and his cat.” The reason i’m asking is because the former sounds even more ridiculous than the latter!! 😂 Thx for a good laugh!!
            Oh, the future faking visits. Ugh… I can relate. I wonder why he doesn’t want to get back together with you but wants to continue texting, because mine is the same way. They need to meet and realize how idiotic they both are. 😂

          12. MLA - Clarece says:

            Sorry! “A man and his cat”. I read back and realized I was referencing THE quote and should have had that outside the quotes. Typing too fast. Lol
            There’s been no texting since Jul 5th. I have him blocked on all social media. So I’m on a decent NC stretch. If they ever got together, they’d complain how dramatic and clingy we are. Lol

          13. jenna says:

            Congratulations on NC! We’re here for u if need us!

  4. Noname says:

    Bravo to all “The expanded Narcissistic Truths” you wrote, Tudor. So insightful. Bravo.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you No Name, I appreciate that.

  5. KP says:

    Interestingly enough, you posted this just after I had court with my ex today. His new supply was with him and she was very angry. He actually admitted to all of his wrong doings with me. Lied by omission in a few cases that we caught him on. Smiled really big when we told him we found out he got a big promotion and then admitted it proudly. It was the oddest thing. I didn’t give in to all his tactics that caused me to lose money each time we went to court in the past. I actually had a total win today and am very pleased. It was just weird because everyone couldn’t believe how dumb he acted. It reminded me of how he would play nieve’ with me in the past. It didn’t work for him today. It’s hard to know if he was really that dumb or just playing dumb. His girlfriend left there fuming. I am sure I am the evil, money grubbing ex. I was dying for her to know what he had put me through. I just wasn’t able to bring it up. She watched him admit he knew everything he was supposed to do after our divorce and admitted he did not comply. The judge gave him a break and didn’t put him in jail. It was all handled very well. I actually felt like my ex was on my side and not even his own! HG, have you ever heard of using the courtroom as a hoover? We are placing bets on if they will still get married next month, lol

    1. KP says:

      I have been thinking on this and I have decided this was not about me at all. He was just trying to avoid jail and he was trying to look nieve’ to the current supply. He was basically cornered in that he was in the wrong on all fronts. There was nothing he could say to get out of it. He denied signing a document that he clearly signed, which I believe was an injury to him, due to it being a counseling statement. He borrowed money to pay in order to prevent going to jail (with the promise to pay it back with his promotion). I believe he will now have his new supply handle the money for awhile, so he doesn’t have to deal with the stress of all of the money he now owes in court fees. He got fuel from the girlfriend, because she is seething at me for taking advantage of him (the poor guy just didn’t deserve this-she called it ridiculous). I know he is not dumb. He didn’t care if the courtroom saw him as dumb, as long as he didn’t have any consequences for his actions, which would be jail, his only fear. I think he was pretty smart in how he pushed all of the responsibility off on everyone else around him and who cares if a room full of people, my lawyer and the judge thought he was dumb. He got away with what he did in his eyes….This seems to fit many of your articles in behavior. He acted polite, didn’t lash out at me as he could have. Playing confused worked for him…. Do you agree HG?

  6. MLA - Clarece says:

    Strangely, while reading this, I keep thinking of the parallels between the obsession for power and control is similar to the driving force with anorexics and bulimics. The driving force is to have complete control over one aspect in their life in a world where they feel they have chaos and no control over those things (whether family relationships, school pressure, job pressure, abuse, etc). Controlling food and calorie intake is their fuel, making them feel powerful by turning it away. Shunning food the way you shun people who get too close to the inner sanctum. Their construct is an image of a body looking perfect even though it’s warped with how frail and sickly they begin to look. They are blind to it.
    Every minute of every day in the back of their mind, they are thinking about their next meal, what it will be, how many bites, how many calories, and how much exercise to counter that. They’ve mastered that thinking while navigating their daily life, but it would be exhausting to be in their head to someone else who doesn’t understand. They are trying to be perfect to mask self-loathing and shame. I wonder if that is similar to what you refer to as your triple tracking?

    1. Noname says:

      You are right, Clarece. It is the same mechanism. Another type of “Creature”.

      1. MLA - Clarece says:

        Yes, a different Creature torturing their mind for sure. They are humans with empathy though. So rather than abusing outwardly, they abuse themselves by starving.
        Some make it, some don’t. I just wonder if the way to reach these girls and the ones who are saved and although they struggle for a lifetime with the food / control battle, if they can transcend, is there a way to reach a self-aware narcissist to at least stop the abusive behavior towards others? You can’t force feelings they can’t feel. But they can learn boundaries and respect.

      2. Noname says:


        The Empaths have their own “demons” they have to fight with.

        I think everything is possible, if you know the root of the problem and willing to work with it.

        The big problem is that many of them don’t want to show you that “root” and this is a dead end. You can’t find the black cat in the dark room then. So, you can’t help them. The maximum you can do is offer some sort of emotional support, but it is a palliative, not cure.

    2. K says:

      Excellent analogy, Clarece. They do/can not see how they look and it is exhausting even thinking about it. I couldn’t imagine living like that.

    3. ajo says:

      Nice comparison!! I am a former anorexic/bulimic. I was one for 7 years and I am now 12 years totally free from it. I can’t even relate to it now honestly. I grew up with a matrinarc so looking back I see it was the only thing in my life I felt like I had control of. At the time, I just thought I wanted to be thin and prettier.
      HG, can empaths act like narcs in a big way and then change? From age 13-20 I lied like it was the easiest thing in the world. I was quite good at it. When you describe the “greater” that was very much me, without so much malice (although I did seek out to ruin my high school enemies at every turn). I knew how to construct lies that were believable and of course it all began so I could get away with things because matrinarc is a control freak. I also cheated on boyfriends with no remorse, was quite reckless and pretty much scared of nothing. I think this is also why once I figured out the narcs in my life were lying, I knew where and how to look for the truth. I understood how they would think because I’ve done it myself.
      At age 21 I changed and as the years pasted, the more I embraced 100% honestly. Mostly because I’m a firm believer in what comes around goes around. And even if I could get what I want by lying, it just wouldn’t sit right now. I feel guilt. Oh, and I slipped back into this pattern during the last 3 years of my marriage while having affairs. Then once the divorce was over, I was back to honesty again. Strange, i know.

      1. MLA - Clarece says:

        Hi Ajo,
        I was so glad this resonated with someone. It kind of connected for me where it is another disorder driven by chaotic / stressful / abusive surroundings and it’s a way for the person suffering to exert control over a facet of their life in an all-consuming fashion. Like previous discussions here, there is the manifestation of someone either going Narcissistic or more empathetic (co-dependent) as a way to survive their surroundings. Anorexia / Bulimia is another way for someone to create a distraction and compulsion to survive.

  7. Sherry says:

    What a Twisted reality to scurry about, To unfold what has been folded. To look forward and backwards at all times. To taste victory on a daily basis. You are perfect for a meer few minutes to devalue another’s Worth. Chasing a fix.. making mountains out of a mole hill.. creating a new profile daily for the taste of success. Expecting nothing and you receive everything..
    I am in it kill it * Devour it * Too taste It

  8. Parisgirl says:

    Hi HG, I have a couple of questions as I have not found reference to this on your site or I may have missed it.
    1)My ex sometimes looked different. His face looked different. I look back at pictures of him and I can see it so clearly now. Is this typical of someone having NPD?
    2). It’s was not just his facial appearance. He also had a menancing kind of posture (i.e. when he tried to cross the US border and got stopped and banned from entering the US because of his criminal record). His stance was scary. He was humiliated. I went on our trip anyway and left him at US customs because I did not know what was happening and figured he’d catch up or take the next flight. Was this because it was a MAJOR narc injury?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Hello PG,

      1. Yes this often happens.
      2. Posture is another factor which alters.

      You leaving him behind will have wounded him further on top of the wound suffered by not being allowed to enter the US.

    2. Anonymous says:

      Parisgirl, I have a few pictures from the last time I saw him and he looks so much like a psycho. I don’t think I saw that at the time the pictures were taken, but when I compare those photos to ones from years ago, his eyes look so incredibly dead. At first I thought that maybe I’m just seeing things, or maybe because I now know what he did (especially around the time those photos were taken) but I don’t think it’s that. I think he definitely looked psycho.

      1. windstorm2 says:

        They often look like psychos. Dead, reptilian eyes. That or they look silly because they are trying to look normal, but it looks fake. The key is they never show happy, normal emotions. It just doesn’t come naturally to them. The best they can do is obviously pose.

      2. windstorm2 says:

        Maybe we don’t notice in real life because they are mirroring us. In a pic, though, they can’t mirror the camera.

      3. E. B. says:

        Hi Windstorm,

        “Dead… they look silly because they are trying to look normal, but it looks fake. The key is they never show happy, normal emotions. It just doesn’t come naturally to them”
        This is accurate. Unfortunately, few people are able to spot them. Most people won’t notice it at all.

        1. windstorm2 says:

          Hey E.B.!
          True most people don’t notice the differences in eyes and body language, probably because they’re not looking for it. Once you know to look for it then it stands out more, especially in pictures.

          Inappropriate comments jump out at me, too. Especially when the conversation is about feelings – like a disaster, or a loss, or something great that happened to someone else. Narcs will make a thoughtless, ugly or uncaring comment. People usually just pass these off as jokes or try to talk them out of that feeling. But that’s a big alert to me.

          I think the key to spotting them is to be aware of these little clues, then when you see/hear one, to focus in and examine the person more closely. Whenever I notice one of these things I just think, “Oh, they’re a narc!” Then I study them closely to spot the other signs. After all, HG says one in six people is a narc, so they’re all around us all the time. Plenty of opportunities to practice our identification skills!

          1. E. B. says:

            Hi Windstrom,

            I think they make uncaring, inconsiderate remarks because they do not feel the same, they don’t care and they take advantage of the situation to gain some fuel. Of course they will say the right thing at the very beginning as they have learnt what is appropriate to say on certain occasions (HG has written about it) but we notice that those are empty words and that they are faking it. In the place where I live there is at least one narcissist in each (3-4 people) household and the normals are brainwashed by the narcissist. I wish there were more people with a mind of their own.

            I am not so good at recognizing (Greater and Mid-Range) narcissists from a photo only, unless they are somatics or addicted to selfies. I have to see them *live* but I do not necessarily need to interact with them. For example, if I am not speaking to them, it is more their dead, empty eyes and especially ->how they look around and their slow, stealthy way of moving<-. I also pay attention to people who are often looking for other people to interact with (fuel), as if they could not stand being alone. Also how people with some kind of power behave towards others when they think nobody is watching them (e.g. how a mother behaves towards her children, how a nurse behaves towards her patients), among other things.
            If they are talking to me, I also pay attention to their tone of voice, choice of words, how they look at me when they speak, their faked friendliness when they want information or something from me, among other signs that they tell me that they do have a character or a personality of their own and that they present a fake persona. I do not immediately think someone is a narcissist when I see a red flag or two. It depends on the context.

          2. windstorm2 says:

            Yes, those are clues that give them away.
            I guess I sort of live my life like a little bunny hopping thru a field of clover enjoying the pretty day. So when a see or hear a red flag, my instinct is to go to ground, think the worst and watch for more danger signs. ☘️🐰⛅️

    3. ava101 says:

      Parisgirl, yes, mine, too, I could see it in RL and also on pictures, plus different uhm energy levels.

  9. June says:

    Wow. Being in your head truly sounds like hell. The people who say those with NPD do not suffer from their disorder clearly have never read your inner monologues.

  10. Diva says:

    Who shall I be today???? Could you try just not being the narc????

  11. windstorm2 says:

    HG, do you mean that the lessers and midrangers actually do believe their own outrageous lies?

    I know lessers and mids that have said outrageous lies to others in front of me. When I questioned them about this, they would brush it off like, “Well it could have happened that way” and act irritated. I just assumed they didn’t like being caught out. Hard to believe they may actually have believed these lies.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      They do. Read The Narcissist’s Twin Lines Of Defence

      1. windstorm2 says:

        Thanks, HG. I will

      2. windstorm2 says:

        I spoke too fast. Nothing comes up under that name on narcsite or kindle. Although searchers operator error is always a likely possibility.

      3. Windstorm2:
        It is sometimes easier to find HG articles when you do the search in google rather than in WordPress on his site (WordPress search sucks). Type in HG Tudor and then whatever phrase you are looking for.

        It helped me find answers much more quickly when he did his quiz a while back. 🙂

  12. Tappan Zee says:


  13. p says:

    i know it’s complicated, but you sacrificed your existential self for survivalism.

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