I’m The Real Genius!
The gentlemen in the picture above is called Minesh. He is an IT manager in the United Kingdom and he looks rather pleased in the picture doesn’t he? Or perhaps it might be more accurate to state that he is looking rather well-fuelled as he holds a trophy aloft, drinking in the positive fuel from the studio audience he stands before (and positive Thought Fuel arising from the knowledge of a significant television audience also watching). What has Minesh won?
Nothing.
His son, Rahul, a 12 year old boy was crowned Child Genius 2017 last night on this British television programme. Well done Rahul.
Given the international nature of my readers, many of you will not be familiar with this specific programme but you will be very familiar with the concept of young children being pushed to succeed in respect of some particular field – general knowledge, spelling, dancing, sport, reciting poetry, gymnastics – with ‘proud’ parents pushing, sorry willing their child on, from centre stage, sorry did it again, the side lines. You will recognise similar programmes in your country which form part of the reality television franchise.
Child Genius did not used to be a competition. Previous series took on a documentary format as the relevant gifted child was shadowed by the programme makers and then the families of the gifted child were interviewed by a well-regarded child psychologist. Interestingly, this child psychologist resigned from the show because she was concerned at the direction the programme was taking. Her concerns are justified.
We will come back to Minesh to discuss his glittering achievement, whoops done it again, Rahul’s achievement. The show wasn’t just about Minesh. A mother named Susan had entered, not one, but two of her children, Fabio (aged 9) and Olivia (aged 12). Susan referred to herself as a ‘helicopter’ mother who pushed her children to excel. Nearly all parents want their children to do well. Many would baulk at pushing their children to perform under the spotlight in a television series where the actual experience is of questionable use (more on that in a moment) but there are those who regard pushing their children as necessary and indeed helpful to the child. Such an approach will bring about divided opinions, but what about this comment from Susan to the programme makers which appeared on the aired programme
“I love my daughter dearly but I am rooting for Fabio.”
I wonder who is the golden child there then? What does Fabio think at being preferred over his sister? Does he agree with his status as the anointed one? Will he use this to his advantage (I know I did) or has Fabio learned sufficient empathy so far in his short life to counter this blatant favouritism?
How might Olivia feel about being triangulated in this way? Is she a scapegoat, is she the also ran who is given the veneer of encouragement but no matter what she does and what she achieves Fabio is the one who is always backed, lauded and admired? We will probably never know but a well established dynamic is rearing its head in front of us.
Of course no doubt if confronted by this blatant favouritism, Susan will deflect any such criticism. It would not surprise me if she actually forgot she was implicitly putting down her daughter on national television and saw it as a private conversation. I can well imagine there would be no acceptance of blame for this triangulation or even any recognition of it.
Is the competition of any real value? Depends on who you consider it being of value to. It is certainly of value to certain parents involved in putting forward their child, but it is of extremely questionable use to the children involved and this is for two reasons:-
- The word ‘genius’ is used but as with many words it is over-used. Genius refers to exceptional creative or intellectual power or ability. There is no creative genius in this show. The children do not break any creative ground and instead it is a test of cognitive recall which relies on technique rather than ability. Indeed, one even questions the extent of that technique given the allegations of parents mouthing answers to their children during the show.
- The children range in age from 8-12 years. They are placed in a highly pressurised environment. The impact of this has left the children upset and in tears. Fabio, as mentioned above, went to pieces when he was trying to memorise two decks of randomly shuffled cards and this led to the monitoring child psychologist stepping in. Another boy, Joshua, who is 11, suffered a moment of freezing and ran off the stage sobbing. A 10 year old girl left her older also-competing sister inconsolable after the younger girl knocked her sibling out of the competition and this left the 10 year old also upset at what she had done.
Thus, one questions what actual use entry into the programme achieves and also one wonders what the impact of it really will be given the upset described above alongside the apparent punishing home regimes put in place by certain parents to ensure that their child wins the title of Child Genius 2017.
Let’s get back to Minesh. As Rahul made his way to victory and secured the title, viewers observed :-
- Minesh had stated “We’re a family who are used to winning and doing well in exams and competitions and things.” Hardly a crime to do well, but it starts to paint a picture. “Used to winning” which means that young Rahul has had the bar already set high for him. “We’re a family used to winning” but who is doing the winning? The whole family? Possibly, but I suspect it is more likely that Rahul is doing the winning, doing well in examinations and so forth and Minesh is acquiring these character traits for himself.
- Minesh laughed when another contestant, 11 year old Josh got a wrong answer thus conferring an advantage to Rahul. Such a response demonstrates several things:-
a. A lack of empathy towards a young boy in a pressurised setting making a mistake;
b. A lack of awareness that such behaviour was being filmed and evidently not caring (or even realising) how it made Minesh appear;
c. The desire to win at all costs
3. Minesh sat hunched forward in his seat in the audience, fingers crossed and held high for the world to see. His wife sat relatively impassively but Minesh was visibly supporting his son or at least that is how he would explain his over the top behaviour. The reality was he was on that stage, answering those questions, because young Rahul was his father’s extension, his little mirror.
4. Possibly the clinching moment of the crowning moment with regard to the trophy. Look again at the picture at the start of this article, There is Minesh, rictus grin fixed on his face, eyes staring ahead, fuel washing over him, right hand gripping the trophy, held aloft in his (not Rahul’s) moment of triumph. He pulled the trophy from his victorious son and held it aloft as he drank in the applause. It was his win. His victory. He was the genius.
Naturally one cannot say for certain whether Minesh is a narcissist or rather an especially zealous father who has got over-excited owing to the occasion, but the behaviours exhibited during the programme, the comments made and in particular his behaviour when Rahul triumphed show at best a crass vulgarity in behaviour or at worst the fact that a narcissist father was trampling all over his son’s achievement as he drank in the fuel and claimed victory for himself.
Will the title of Child Genius benefit Rahul in the future? It is unlikely. The passage of time and the demands of the world tend to erode whether you achieved a particular title or grade back in your childhood. There is nothing wrong with excellence, striving to be the best and succeeding, I know this only too well. However, I have also realised the lasting legacy of the impact of being labelled as the golden child, the weight of the mantle of expectation and the harsh critical abuse when apparent under performance has been identified by a narcissist parent. The biting cold of snow under my feet as I was made to stand outside our house by MatriNarc in December until I could recite all three verses of Keats’ Ode To Autumn from memory and without mistake when I was 9 years old, is a memory which I try to consign to imprisonment but its legacy still impacts on me now.
What will Rahul’s legacy be? It remains to be seen, but we all know that Minesh will be fuelled from his achievement, apologies, his son’s achievement, for a while yet. I am not the only person to have noticed this behaviour. Many have expressed their concern at what they have witnessed, questioned the impact on the children of this behaviour and detailed their horror at the mind set of certain parents. As this was brought to my attention by readers it all had a ready familiarity of the narcissistic dynamic.
Has anybody else mentioned the N-word however?
No.
Once again our kind move amongst society and continue to function, operate and pollute without recognition or restraint by millions.
What word might describe such a pervasive, wide-spread, insidious yet effective state of affairs.
I know.
Genius.
376 thoughts on “I’m The Real Genius!”
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Great piece, HG. Something which bothers me no end, how on earth did I not figure out before that of course it’s quite often narcissistic parents that do this! Intriguing seeing it from your perspective.
Haven’t had a chance to read all the comments but it’s weird the conversations going on with being fans, as I quite often picture you as a spotty teenager or obese 50 year old (sorry!) so find it quite hard to be a proper fan as such (I’m rather shallow like that, oops). But your mind and your articles are so brilliant, and conversations here are so helpful to me, I honestly couldn’t care less 😉 ! Therefore will keep reading and absorbing and enjoy all the conversations here.
Thank you (I think) I am neither spotty, obese, a teenager or 50 years old. I have been a teenager, I will be 50 years old in some time, I have had a few spots when younger and have never been obese nor will be.
Haha! Great. Thanks for the clarification. Now that you’ve cleared things up and since narc/paths never lie, I am re-assured and can now join in the fan race to be your number one (Tad too cheeky perhaps but please don’t tell me off… Need an outlet after an emotional week)
Bliss, I can assure you that will never happen, that spot is already taken (sorry!)
but what you are HG, is brilliant, charming, magnetic, interesting, sophisticated, and the sexiest man to walk on the face of this earth.
indeed, HGT#1F… and how fortunate WE ALL ARE to have access to His brilliance, charm, magnetic interesting sophistication AND all delivered in an appealing “package”…. We all appreciate and value HG, in our own unique way.
HGT#1F
Even thou I understand your reason for claiming this title, yet why do you feel you need to justify it everytime another mentions being his #1?
Defending one because something is wrong is one thing, defending them because they want to be petty and jealous is another.
Confidence in what you have and insecurity shows a person in two different views. The choice is yours in how you want to be seen as.
🙂
Is it healthy for someone on here to profess love for him as someone has? All of us read it. Is it healthy to encourage this by cheerleading her on for the name? Especially when we can see obsession forming?
Sometimes, when you think you are defending or protecting you actually cause more damage.
Bottom line, I asked a question, HG answered, and the attacks help with what I am learning.
This is a wonderful social experience. And yes all of you are part of it.
Welcome to my world.
Know this as you walk through life. The ones who seem like candy are not always sweet and the ones who seems to not be so kind has the biggest heart. When someone shows all sides, this is the person you want to have your back as you know where they stand.
Go look in the mirror and ask yourself, do I really mean the words of syrup or is it to make me look good. Only you will have this answer.
Do not forget the word toaster, because HG does not. Some are just more polished. I am one with 8 slots and very shiny, at least I was told this as I am sure others are too.
For the record once more. I asked a question. I received an answer and it also revealed more on the lines of what I thought to begin with…..
Sometimes the truth is not so pretty and sometimes, if you are able to accept the truth, you can grow.
@ AhOh: “Know this as you walk through life. The ones who seem like candy are not always sweet and the ones who seems to not be so kind has the biggest heart. When someone shows all sides, this is the person you want to have your back as you know where they stand”….. TRUTH THAT!!! My experience and observation as well….
@C* you are a wise woman.
I asked the host of this blog if he felt I asked the question with malice. His answer was in the context I asked, no it was not malice.
Go figure!
Be real and you will do well. Watch the ones who talk out of the side of their necks. You will spot them. They are not that clever.
MLA
For someone who did not want to talk about the “toothache” again, you keep posting about it. Just like I called it. Mean Girls with double standards.
Once again, projecting what you are on someone else… me again.
Hey, I know. Let’s hear for the hundredth time how many consults you have with HG which puts you at a superior level to throw out these insults.
LOL
MLA What am I?
I would not project anything on you. I find this odd for you to say this. I do call it as I see it and if the shoe fits………
You flatter yourself to think I would though.
Why does it bother you I say I have consults to others and I highly recommend it? I am speaking from expirence. Perhaps I should not recommend the consults for other’s on here as it bothers the bloggers when I say i have them and highly recommend them. I do not take this lightly as 100.00 is a days work for many people, and they need to know from ones who engage on this level with our host so they know it is not money wasted. Hmmm I shall ask the host in our next consult this week. Perhaps he doesn’t want me to promote this.
If you have issues MLA, perhaps you should enlist in weekly consults.
Heads up, I will not respond to anything you post about me from here on out. So post away to your hearts content.
Oh, for the record MLA, having the consults does not put me at a superior level, it means I can afford it. What you posted on this topic could make one think someone might be a bit green.
When did I ever say I didn’t talk to HG weekly too? So nope, not green at all on my side.
Clarece, you stated that you think hgt1 may be someone who takes a long time to warm up to pple, and that u were similar when you first engaged on this blog. However, the pple who r truly reserved at the beginning, for example you, as you’ve stated, can be categorized as such frm other behaviors they exhibit. For example, u didn’t put up a pic for the longest time for anonymity. When u finally did, u were still worried that if god forbid jn found u on this site, he wud recognize ur pic. And moreover, ur pic is v modest. Hgt1 had a pic frm day 1, which indicates to me that she is not too concerned w putting herself out there. And usually if someone is so emotionally scarred to such a point, she will b feeling any or all of the following- anxiety, ptsd, depression, panic, confusion, lowered motivation and energy levels, significant weight gain or loss of more than 10 lbs, becoming less functional, talking less and in a muted tone, laying flat on the bed – a ‘hot mess’ in other words. I know that feeling too well while i lay in my bed barely able to move – forget abt taking selfies at that time. I cud not even brush my hair to look presentable for a pic, nor have the energy or motivation to upload an older pic via laptop here. And i am a person who normally loves to take selfies. The only reason i was even able to participate on this site is due to having my phone handy in bed, though my hands wud be shaking as i used to type. I was not even able to start up my laptop. So i think you being a kind hearted soul, do see the best in pple. It is a v empathic trait. You have a golden heart. I tend to see the good in pple too. However, with my background in human behavior (finally i revealed it; been hiding it for anonymity frm ex’s niss’s who may possibly b here), some of her behaviors, like adding a piglet snout on her pic, it doesn’t seem to me that she has been scarred to the extent of clinical depression. Clinically depressed individuals have no motivation to engage in any activity, including getting dressed, applying make up, taking selfies, talking confidently (abt her name) etc. I personally know that feeling too well also.
Just so you know Jenna, the first picture that was uploaded was not of N1F. Thus she did want to preserve anonymity. You make fair observations in general.
Hi Jenna! I think you find the good in people a lot too. Yes, I’ve had a time or two or three of being a hot mess in bed. Lol
I don’t know anything about #1Fan’s story. Don’t know her background. Don’t know if she has kids. I believe she did share she had been reading and consulting with HG for a long time before she actively wrote here so I don’t get the impression that she is in what we deem “hot mess” mode anymore. She may or may not have been clinically depressed. I’ve never been clinically depressed.
valid points and observations, Jenna.. this person certainly did not present the criteria for being traumatized/victimized upon joining the blog. but who am i to say…
My comment may be in the wrong spot, but i had to tap any reply button to clarece i saw, since i am not getting comments in my email for some reason. Otherwise, i wud do it frm there, directed at the relevant comment.
Clarece, thx for your comment. I am so happy you’ve never been clinically depressed. You go girl! It’s nice that jn didn’t affect you to that extreme, tho i know he defintely affected you so i’m not downplaying that at all. Nice to see a woman who won’t let a man move her to that condition. That is a goal for me. Hugs. 💗
Sue423
You clearly need to read more. HG follows five rules, this is why he is polite on here. If only you really knew.
Perhaps you should engage in more consults. You would then speak from a position of more knowledge.
Let me help you out again…………..5 Rules. HG follows 5 Rules to keep him from being anything but a polite host.
SMH
I would point out that I am naturally polite and engaging with most people when I meet them, accordingly I would be charming and courteous were you to meet me in real life. Where the 5 rules apply, as AO indicates, is to keep certain other behaviours under control. So my interaction with people here is an amalgam of how I deal with people usually, the application of the 5 rules and of course the fact that my readers are important to me.
HG, now you are giving me a toothache. 🙂
I must be getting you back for the earache then!
🙂
Hi Ah Oh, Happy Friday!
First I would like to thank you for helping me out with the number 5. Whenever I count I usually go from 4 right to 6. Big help, thanks!
Secondly, I love the way you tried to deflect what I said to you and tried to turn the conversation back on me. Good chess move but unfortunate it doesn’t work with me..
Thirdly in reference to HG and his rules. A few articles ago that topic came up and I asked Him the question, who made the rules and who enforces them? He stated to me that He and the good doctors made the rules and that HE ENFORCES them. That tells me that if (not saying that it is but it seems like that is what you are suggesting) one of the rules is that he not be rude, then he has to assert self-control HIMSELF to be able to abide by that rule and conduct himself on this blog in a polite manner. (Just from my observations over the last year, I think he was raised to be polite.)
That is what I am suggesting to you. Just because you may not have a lot of empathic qualities doesn’t mean you are automatically rude and that one HAS the ability to control how you interact. I have to have my own internal rules when it comes to saying what is on my mind or I wouldn’t have had a job for the last 20 years. That’s life. If one chooses not to, then there will be problems.
Look, I like you. I agree with a lot of what you say. I actually liked your question to HG123 or whatever her screenname is. It just came across as a question with insinuating tone. I think people on here neglect to remember that she systematically attacked people on here for absolutely no reason when she first came here and still does. I think her screenname is very indicative of someone with high narcissistic qualities and it comes off as very condescending. I also think there are more issues there than just potential narcissism. I think you are an asset to this blog and I think you do yourself a disservice by attacking people the way you do. Are there times where people are unjustified for the way they come at you? Yes, I see that. Do you have a right to defend yourself? Absolutely!! But your message gets lost in your delivery and your words are not as effective as they could be.
I am not your mother and I don’t want to come off like I am telling you how to conduct yourself. I have to constantly work on this myself and I have found that when I take a step back and really think about what it is I want to convey, and then try to write just what I believe to be the facts of what I see instead of getting wound up in the defensive emotions, I am listened to and respected more. (trust me, I cant write worth crap and I don’t pretend to be this authority on how to conduct yourself, I am always working on that myself. LOL) but what I do know is that I DO look introspectively at myself and my actions and I take into consideration how people perceive me when I communicate. Some opinions mean nothing to me but I do think about it. If they make sense and I am honest with myself, I will try to improve. I am not saying that you don’t do this…
You know we all want to be valued whether we say it or not. I know I do… and I see that in you, even though you fight it tooth and nail trying to convey that you don’t. We can all be bitter or better. We make the choice.
Sues Thanks for the well wishes, back at you.
I asked our host if he thought my question was asked with malice. Understand how well he knows me. He said no, not in the context it was asked. It really was just a question that popped in my head when I read the posts. If you do follow what I write, you know I have no issues being down right brutal.
Once again, it was just a question of how we tag ourselves.
I know who I am, I know what I am.
So HG I have a question a bit unrelated. The other day on a graveyard shift alone there was a pretty bad situation that I handled to the best of my ability. Today when I came in my boss praised my actions ( embarrassingly so and unfortunately in front of other staff members) and gave me a Starbucks gift certificate to I guess say thank you. On my break I decided to share the fortune and used the certificate to buy the staff members I was working with their favourite frothy coffee goodness. Everyone said thank you, but one staff said ” you only do these gestures to look nice. You just want everyone to like you. I but deep down I bet you don’t give a shit about anyone here at all.” So my question is ( cuz it’s bugging me) how does one know if they are truly doing nice things for people from the heart or if they are secretly covert narcissists( and have no idea themselves that they are?)
The key is that there are a host of other indicative factors which demonstrate the individual is a narcissist (usually Mid Range) so that when they engage in the facade management, you know that it is that because of the presence of all of the other factors. From your experience described, the individual who levelled the accusation at you may well be projecting.
Thank u For answering my question HG:)
You are welcome.
HGT#1 is “in love” with an illusion….. she has lots to learn and understand yet ( and so do MANY others here on the forum)
I’m not sure which disgusts me more;
These insane narc parents that push their children to succeed or the narc parents that will intentionally sabotage their children’s success as not to be out shined by them.
As Joal Coan said:
“We create monsters and then we can’t control them.”
Hi Carla,
“These insane narc parents that push their children to succeed or the narc parents that will intentionally sabotage their children’s success as not to be out shined by them ”
A narcissist parent can do both things at the same time: he/she encourages Golden Child to succeed and sabotages the Scapegoat. Also, if a Golden Child dares to pursue the same career as the narcissist parent *and* there is a risk to be outshined, the GC will be sabotaged too and can become the family SG. There are different scenarios.
lol… i believe it’s “cheeky sod”…..
OMG, msbrown! Cheeky Sod! Excellent, I forgot.
I agree children should be encouraged and motivated by their parents, it’s a harsh world for someone who doesn’t have an education, but also the extreme stuff leaves mental scars as you say.
Twilight
Everyone talks of their life here. I can not help if people do not travel or have more in their life.
I was not attacking her, but HG did answer the question and it was what I suspected.
If you have a problem with what I post, you should talk to HG and ask him to ban me. You will not stop me from writing what I want. It is up to HG.
At least I am honest and HG knows more about me than anyone on the blog.
Get off your high horse as you are coming across like a cunt.
Ah Oh
I would never ask HG to ban you, you have every right to express yourself here just like anyone else.
Sense you asked about my name, tell me what do you believe is behind it,
AH OH
I appreciate honesty, so post what you think or feel and I certainly do not mind strong opinions or feelings.
Hi K, Thank you. I have been told to write a book and name it “say it like it is”
This is a fact.
nothing wrong with being blunt and to the point…. I’m on board with that!
Indeed but one can do so without the ad hominem elements.
perhaps….
There’s no perhaps.
it was emotions expressed the way the writer “felt”…. and (perhaps) said writer, had no other appropriate words to express those feelings other than using “hominem elements”, from her perspective…
Not accepted.
If a person can’t have an adult discussion without consideration of others by degrading,
Or demeaning them it shouldn’t be acceptable.
You cant educate people and lack the ability to learn from others if you take offense everytime someone opinion doesn’t align with yours. You have yours and other will have theirs.
We can simply agree to disagree without it doesn’t make us mean. Mean is name calling, failing to issue an real apology, being closed minded , and telling people to f*** off.
I love exchanging true life stories and thoughts but if it’s going to cause strife I am sure I could win in that area too however, I choose to expend my energy on things that are beneficial to me and those that depend on me to be of sound mind.
I will agree , I have displayed passive aggressive behaviors and hell i might even be a narc. I’ve seen the crew run to her aid and know she’s turned against them.
H.G. is building his blog and there’s tons of positive people that would like to share their stories but these behaviours will deter them.
I apologize HG if I am out of line and I would also like to apologize to anyone I may have offended on this post.
Continued Peace and Healing
I concur with your observations.
Well said Yolo!!
I had to look that one up……I had not heard those words before……now that I think I understand the statement, I couldn’t help thinking that you might be wise to remember that statement for when Amanda appears back on the scene…….just trying to help……don’t get cross……if so, just squeeze them for about 10 seconds!!! Diva
K
I don’t mind honesty, strong opinions or feelings. Yet I do wonder about the character of those that would encourage the use of calling another woman “cunt” which IMO is the worst sexual slur you can call a woman.
I remember a comment from you “I got your six”, directed towards me.
Another Empath may have actually believed you and would have been hurt reading your encoragment to express “honest” opinions of using a degrading name directed towards them, especially once they understood it was coming from one such as that they were entangled with.
Being honest to tear at someone’s self esteem and being honest to encourage growth…..the words used to build up or tear down
Actually Ah Ho ..
Calling another user a ” Cunt ” Might be honest but no one including me will respect you for that .
Ditto that!
NSS That is your right to do so.
I am not here to get it from people that are behind a screen typing, especially ones that assume something that is not the case.
I am here to learn, like you. What I am learning from the blog is much different than you would think.
I have been insulted on many levels here, my age, my life style etc. I have to let it roll off my back. Oh I get pissed but we sort it out.
I am not asking you for respect at all. You do not know my world or who I interact with on a daily basis.This is where I look for respect, from the real people in my life. But know I will call them out too and they respect me for my honesty. It is a stigma in this country but I don’t care. I like the word and they know you mean business when you use it.
You should not strive for my respect or anyone else on here unless you are friends in the real world. In my mind respect for yourself is so much more important than a blogger who I will never meet. I am not saying this to be mean.
It is up to you to feel how you want to feel about anyone or anything. It matters not to me. If it is important to you to have respect from me, than you should not take it personal I called someone out. It was not you so why do you feel the need to call me out? This is not a clique club or is it?
But tell me NSS, why is it OK for others to attack me for a question to HG. If they did not understand why I asked or what my intentions, it would have been respectful to ask and not to attack. Works both ways or is it a double standard when one sees fit?
Did you see the eclipse? I give respect when I get respect.
Hope you can understand what I am trying to get across to you.
Real Classy..
I dont like to get involved in drama but this has been bugging me. I definitely dont agree with name calling but to be fair #1 HG fan said some nasty ass things to AhOh in a few posts before AhOh ever even responded to #1 fans posts. She said AhOh masterbated on her own bc no man would want an amazon looking woman and then said she thought she was in her 60s so lets be fair here she initiated the conflict. #1HG fan i have nothing against you but what you posted was deeply hurtful. I dont know your history or gripe with AhOh but that is so mean so i can see where she would be a tad pissed off and retaliate. You may have a great ass but that doesnt give you the right to act like one.
Twilight ,K and Dr. It is all good. It was not meant to attack her. I wonder what is behind your name Twilight.
Wow, that’s pretty sad veiled anger. That speaks volume to power and control H.G has over our wounded souls.
If you don’t mind i will share a quote. No bonfires or Hamsa Hands. Also, its not directed at you. I keep little quotes on sticky on one of my walls in my closet. Some days they, sometimes they dont.
“The most important kind of freedom is to be what you really are. You trade in your reality for a role. You trade in your sense for an act. You give up your ability to feel, and in exchange, put on a mask. There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on and individual level. It’s got to happen inside first. You can take away a man’s political freedom and you won’t hurt him- unless you take away his freedom to feel. That can destroy him. That kind of freedom can’t be granted. Nobody can win it for you.” ∞ Jim Morrison
Night, waiting on the eclipse…
Yolo
The quote was excellent. Thanks for sharing it and enjoy the eclipse.
K, thanks. We didn’t go completely dark here but is was still cool. I just watch North Carolina and was able to watch it go from day light to complete darkness. I guess it’s off to the Atlantic Ocean now😊
It’s a reminder that when darkness and despair enters our life it’s temporary fleeting the sun will rise up and we will shine again. Corny right😊😊😋 Most of us on here and share the common goal of being ensnared by a disordered person which has affected us in a negative way. The impact and stories may vary. We should use the commonality between us to bond and build each other up.
Recognize the manipulation and tactics use to keep us in this cycle and stop falling prey. I personally don’t want to continue to fail at this.
I think about the poster that was near suicide, I pray she’s still here. I think about the poster that would post using 5 or more profiles to bash H.G. and then come back and apologize. I have a true desire to help prevent the next person from going through what weve been through if possible. I have designated post on two sites for DV and HG blog where over 1 million women are registered. I highly respect his work, but I don’t lose sight of what he is or the pain and damage his type is capable of inflicting
Yolo
It didn’t go completely dark where I live (Massachusetts) but everyone was still very excited about it. I don’t think you are corny at all and you are right; we should support and encourage each other because many here have suffered from terrible abuse. It is amazing that someone would take the time and effort to use 5 different profiles to bash HG, only to apologize later. I feel quite normal after reading that. And I hope the person who was suicidal got help, how sad. NPD can really affect people in unimaginable ways. That was a great idea to post on DV sites; we need to spread the word about this site. Yolo, I never lose sight either; it wouldn’t be prudent.
Happy eclipse!! Enjoy!!
Loved Jimmy
“GENIUS IS AN INSTRUMENT THAT HAS BECOME UNFAITHFUL TO IT’S DESTINY ”
Arthur Schopenhauer
HG do you think the names people use for identification on here and elsewhere tells YOU something of who they are? I read something somewhere that names can be a major factor in personality and growing up. I name my kids very strong names. If I could rename my oldest I would. My mother warned me.
*named. I am watching the show Shameless as I am typing. My bad. OMG talk about a disgusting narcissistic character. Frank. It is almost hard to watch at times.
Hi AH OH…….my ID name is my old dog’s name……so I hope not!!!! I thought about giving my ID name some thought and posting a name that suited who I was, but then decided not to give that personal information out. Diva is a very misleading name for me……..although I do have my moments…….maybe I should change it…….Diva
Diva,
I like your name and I like it even more that it represents a fur friend. And yes, you are a DIVA! Not a damn thing wrong with that!
At least the spelling would be the same if you change it. Ha
I find the names interesting and what makes someone choose them. I explained in another post of how I picked Ah Oh. It was meant to be Uh Oh but I had a typo and decided not to fix it. It was me saying this with a thought of UH OH WHAT KIND OF TROUBLE AM I GOING TO GET INTO ON THIS BLOG!
At first I had Steeviann, which is my nickname, Stevie and Ann, my middle name. It is phonetically spelled as Steeviann because the Stevieann was not available. I have had this name since 1994 when AOL was first on the scene. I took it off this blog as I was not sure I wanted to be known. Now, I could not care less.
So Miss Diva, I hope this helps you understand a little bit more about me.
Hi AH OH…… I only just realised after reading your response to me that DIVA spelt backwards is AVID…….which actually sums me up unbelievably well and could not be more apt……it’s freaking me out to be honest. I find names so interesting too….
Anyways, thanks to you responding and making me look at my own name on the screen, I am keeping it as it is ……….I always go about things arse about face, so the fact that DIVA spells AVID backwards is meant to be!!!!!
Thank you for explaining your name it makes sense to me….”UH OH”…..do you think you were tempting fate there????
When I read that you had worked in a casino on a previous post ……I thought…..yeah I am going to have a casino experience……I had an immediate vision in my head of Kylie Minogue on that “On A Night Like This” video throwing all those chips up in the air at the casino (I absolutely love that video and always wanted to do that)……….however my casino experience is sadly on hold as they have banned casino gambling here in Northern Ireland too…..I had no idea until you mentioned casinos and I looked them up…..there are none here!!!!
It is just another addition to the bucket list!!!!! Diva
I think I ruffled some feathers; it’s no wonder narcissists love empaths.
K
Yup. Looks like it laid an egg lol.
Indeed, NarcAngel!
chicken feathers!
They do not love, K… come on, you know that!
C* no, they do not love.
C*
I know! I just can’t help being provocative sometimes. What can I say; I am cheeky.
My layers at Justfer Shitz & Giggles are no match for yours.
Lawyers. Freudian slip.
Tinpot
Great name! 😂
Dewey, Cheetam & Howe.
(from a radio show:)
Tappan Zee
Do we cheat them, and how! Awesome! I have listened to them once.
HG
I hope that you dont mind me using your old year book photo on here lol.
My lawyers at Herbert Smith Freehills are in play!
Haha. Okay okay…………call off the dogs.
great pic!!! Vamp skin
I chose not to watch this programme for all the chilling reasons you’ve laid bare in this excellent blog. There’s so much to comment on here but it’s late… Firstly, I saw my narc’s daughter and my mother (who has narc traits) both treat their golden child in the same way Minesh treats his son. Narc”s grandchild is an only child, privately educated who obtains excellent grades without revising. However, when she didn’t beat the top swot in class, her mother extended her disappointment in her daughter as did my narc.
My mother lived through my sister. She was bestowed with gifts, money, love and affection. My siblings and I were left out in the cold. I was the scapegoat; effectively ignored. I grew extremely resentful of my golden sister who could do no wrong. As a consequence I now have issues as a result of my upbringing. My sister is a sociopath; no empathy; control freak; laughs at you, not with you… Blah blah.
Olivia will probably end up hating her brother. Rhaul will probably end up loathing his attention-seeking N father.
Programmes like this do not belong on our TV screens, yet, ironically they fit the selfie/meme/Narc age… Never has media saturation and intrusion proved so damaging and dangerous to children imo.
I’ll get off the soap box now, time for lights out.
So much emphasis on winning in society. Trophies and competing for them is beyond stupid. It is but a moment in time and not really a reflection of the person at all but children are not taught this. Even Olympians are just the best on that given DAY. Tomorrow different result. There are dusty shelves full of memories everywhere that are for the most part reminders of what once was and is no longer. Sad and depressing. So they create little Mini Me in their kids to revive that feeling. Child abuse.
I watched a documentary about depression and the effects on athletes after they had won Olympic medals. Lot of them suffered depression because they had reached the pinnacle and they felt there was no more to prove. They had only every focused on getting to that point and felt the spotlight and adoration of the crowd pulling for them would be no longer. The crushing reality that they did not know who they were when they no longer had to pursue that goal.
Hauling out a clipping,trophy, or medal to prove your worth is just sad if you think about it.
HG has the right idea. Just steal someone elses story of greatness and save all the travel and money lol.
Twilight, I was being quasi-facetious. I just watched a cock fight on YouTube! It was kind of funny. I used to have chickens and the rooster would come after me when I collected the eggs and I got really mad so he became dinner. He was delicious!
Ha ha yes I know the feeling
In fact I had a delicious meal last night roast chicken.
I saw brutal cock fight once. I don’t get why pit two animals against each other in a pen for money. In nature, I understand. And no I was not at one of those when I witnessed this.
Ladies, we need to act like civilized empaths; my offer for the cock fight still stands. Hurt God is rearing to go!
K
For God sake have you ever witness a cock fight?
I don’t see a connecter for your comment on the put down of another. If you are referring to me then you are dead wrong. I asked because I wanted to know. HG answered it for gods sake.
You should not be so judgmental being an Empath. I did not attack you at all.
Again, you are DEAD WRONG if you think it was a post for an insult. I will just say it straight up like I am doing now.
If I misinterpreted your post, I ask to be informed of your meaning. But I do not think it is right for you to say you know my intentions.
Ah Oh
I do not expect you to see the connection between your comment and the insult your hid within it, it is not in your nature to do so, and if you do recognize it you will do just as you did, deflect and project.
You didn’t want to know anything you wanted to insult and when HG stepped in to stop it confirming that it is a trait nothing more, you switch tactics to, I was looking for an answer when confronted.
Your statement “You should not be so judgmental being an Empath.”
IMO you are telling me sense I am an empath I have no right to judge. When in reality I wasn’t judging but shining a light on what was going on. You placed yourself upon that pedestal and judged yourself. You words and actions speak for themselves. Yet you will claim this is in fact a mistake due to your sense of entitlement and superiority and project claiming I am judging.
No You understood me correctly I called you a narcsissist. I don’t believe I can get any plainer then that. I do accept the fact you will not accept this from “an empath” .
Ah Oh
I have gone back yet again to read through due to something didn’t sit right, I was mistaken in stating you were confronted, you stated under my comment very defensive as if You were being attacked. yet I still stand by my opinion of you. This has come from observation over time not just from this.
what is the offer? Cock fight? Are you talking what my Cubin friend did with the beautiful roosters. I hated it.
It is animal cruelty.
AhOh
I agree 100%. Cock fighting is very popular here and it is horribly cruel. They attach long, metal spurs to the roosters feet so there will be more blood.
AH OH
I was being puckish. When I was in high school and girls fought over a boy, I called it a cock fight.
In the U.S. yes there’re a few reality shows for kid beauty pageants , dancing, and other activities where it is apparent the parents are trying to live through there children.
I enjoy the kid cooking shows the parent’s aren’t on stage and the judge’s ruling appear fair. I also enjoy watching the game show are you smarter than a 5th grader. 😊
“a memory which I try to consign to imprisonment but its legacy still impacts on me now.”
Why not face the bad memories? Release them set yourself free. H.G. have you ever confronted matrinarc regarding the abuse?
No I have not Yolo. That is to come.
Like most narcs I am sure she will perceive her actions as justifiable, deny it, or rewrite the past to her satisfaction.
(Thank You for that knowledge).
But, I hope that it give you a sense of release and empowerment over the hold she has on you.
I cud not reply above to ur comment HG as there was no reply button there. So i am replying here. She is not a narcissist? Wow! How wrong was i?! Looks like i am not able to spot narcs correctly! 😫
I thought i passed that part of the exam! 😅
So why then does she not answer questions related to her, and rather keep stating the relevance of her name? Is it not being evasive? I am trying to learn. I am not questioning your authority. Ty.
The behaviour exhibited is narcissistic in nature but because of other information I am privy too which you are not, she is not a narcissist, so do not give yourself a hard time thinking that you have somehow failed. At first blush, N1F’s behaviour is narcissistic, but if you got to know other elements of her behaviour you would then realise that she is not a narcissist. Of course, you do not have that information to hand, so your response was entirely understandable. As to why she does not answer the questions asked, it might be that she regards that as a defensive measure.
Based on this and reading all the other comments on this article and other exchanges, the conclusion I draw is #1Fan’s defences must be up so high due to extreme, severe abuse in all levels, physical, mental, spiritual, financial that we have no idea what position that left her in. Knowing some of that left me in the lowest, darkest place imaginable, and that HG’s help over time got her out of that spot has given her a new, clean slate on life, I think she wants to be here to soak up HG’s lessons and that only. I sense she wants space and doesn’t appear to want to engage so I stay clear. Not to snub. Out of courtesy. I think she may be someone who takes a long time to warm up to people. That’s cool. I get that. I was kind of the same way when I first came on here and was very surprised when people would talk to me. Or, maybe she thinks we’re all nut cases and doesn’t want to mix in. Her vibe to me, whether intentional or not, is to stay back at arm’s length, so that’s what I’m going to do.
It saddened me that such a huge thread with a lot of dissension between some readers transpired in what I think is one of HG’s newer articles that is really outstanding on such a relevant topic. Because I really like the readers and just like in real life the ugly, competitive side of the female condition erupted briefly.
Valid points Clarce, who would have thought that a post about competing would bring out so much competition?!
Haha – Well unlike you with growing up hearing “victory or death”, I grew up hearing there will always be someone smarter, faster, better or prettier than you, so you better have some moxy to back yourself up. I just pretend I have no competition. Lol
Just like the post about empaths had the most posts. Go figure..lol empaths
Indeed.
I just want to be crystal clear . My initial comment was not based on any type of jealousy or competition. I can say that with a clear heart and mind. If I could go back, I wouldn’t have said a thing, live and learn. My comments after that were defending myself based on a comment after that, that I took as insulting and my reaction was to defend. I have no apologies for anything I said, but I will try not to get involved anymore .
That is evident Sue.
10-4! I’ll try to be quiet for a while now haha!
I think I’ve beaten the dead horse into glue by now haha!!
Ahhh Sue423, no you didn’t beat anything dead:) this is a forum where HG seems to encourage people to express themselves and their opinions.Really it’s pretty interesting to see all sorts personalities and perspectives. That’s part of the reason we all keep coming back here!
Correct
Haha! Thanks Star! You make a great point there!
I appreciate your comment 👍🏻
Hi Sues423! I understood your perspective too. Just wanted you to know that. I should have clarified this is what I observed from other comments on other days with different people. I’m not singling anyone out. It all just seemed to manifest out yesterday.
Hi Clarece,
I agree with what you said about #1Fan. Yesterday I wrote about women competing for attention and I did not quite understand what you meant. Were you referring to my comment?
In part, yes, and also collectively with the comments I’ve read since day 1, as HG has pointed out #1Fan basically came in guns blazing defending him on another reader’s negative comments on Lesley (It girl) not knowing the full background on what she did to Lennox.
I seemed to miss the tab on Criteria for being #1 Fan. It’s a title /name that naturally jostles with the human condition. And it has definitely jostled a few here which has led to conversations, unfortunately in my eyes, that detracted from more productive conversations.
And before anyone writes back on why they said what they did in trying to make valid points, I know that. I comprehended that. This individual whether intentional or not has really stirred the pot here. The snowball thread on Real Genius proves that.
Hi Clarece,
re “In part, yes”
Sorry that you have misunderstood my comment. If you want to tell me what part of it triggered you, I will be glad to help you.
HGT#1Fan is young and has her reasons. She said HG has saved her life. I find her screen name and photos amusing. Yes, I have read several of those comments. There were things said about you which were not right and I have written about this (narcissistic) behaviour too. I had thought my comment could generate an interesting discussion about why some women compete for attention (instead of being honest and supportive with one another) since this is a narcissistic trait and this is a blog about narcissism.
Also, I don’t mean anything against you by stating that 😘 MLA.
Thx HG for ur reply. And i agree with clarece. I too feel saddened by all of this. 😔
Argh…don’t really want to drag this stuff up…but the part of the two siblings competing reminded me of a bunch of stuff.
The one that’s currently sticking out in my mind is when me and my brother went to this arcade with our father. Before we even looked at the games, we went over to the prizes and decided what we wanted to earn enough tickets to buy at the end of the night. Then we chose the machine that would give us the most tickets and played that alone until we ran out of quarters.
Anyway, on this particular night, I was on a roll with Wheel of Fortune. I think I won 3 jackpots on that machine. And more importantly, my brother hadn’t. After the third, I actually broke into a happy dance. That mermaid was mine! And my dad was happy and, at least for tonight, didn’t think I was a total spaz. Actually, he was commenting on how much better I did than my brother and how maybe my brother could learn a thing or two from me on how to play.
It was then I noticed the way my brother was looking at me…I swear to God, it was pure hatred. I realized my mistake then and tried to backtrack, brushing it off as me just getting lucky.
It was also when I realized something very important…I liked winning (who doesn’t?) but my brother NEEDED to win. And unless I wanted to make that brief moment of hatred the permanent state of affairs with him, I had better not turn myself into an obstacle he had to crush to get what he needed.
The following night I made damn sure that my brother won more tickets than me…that night and every night after. A friend of mine said that I shouldn’t do things like that and I should be proud of what I can do…but I’d rather lose a game than lose my brother.
June
The hatred is a scary look. When I was young I would do a victory dance and get chastised for it. Narcissists can be such kill joys.
My friend who is a shrink, would tell me his nice jewish mother would pit him and his brother against each other. It was always a competition. Both became doctors. LOL But he said it was awful growing up with this.
K-Chastised for it? Aww! Well, I hope you’ve indulged in a few as an adult to make up for it. 🙂
Though the hatred wasn’t about the victory dance-on it’s own, he would’ve just made fun of how ridiculous I looked doing it. His golden child status was threatened, no matter how briefly, there.
You know, I think…if there had to be a golden child and a scapegoat, that things worked out the way they were supposed to. Neither of us would last a week in the other’s role. My brother can’t handle criticism, and I would have a mental breakdown from dealing with the pressure he’s under to succeed.
Ah Oh-It must have been awful for them. I wonder if either even wanted to be a doctor, or if they just did it to please their mother.
The incident I described actually marks the beginning of what was largely the end of my brother and I competing. It tapered off once I accepted my role and learned to work within it.
June
I only do victory dances in my head now. My brother, like yours, couldn’t handle criticism at all. And I agree with you, as difficult as it is, I would rather be the scapegoat. Being the black sheep had it’s perks.
I’m gonna be the voice of reason here…
Let’s jump off the whole thing regarding who HG’s #1 fan is because it’s just causing unnecessary drama.
Who cares lmao
Saying to to be nice to to be a bitch.
Before this gets out of hand and everyone stars fighting…
*saying this to be nice and keep peace and not be a bitch lol
Dr Quinzel
I personally don’t care, yet I can understand why.
It means something to her, if it bothers others I would question as to why is this. We should all remember something was taken from us within our entanglements and how we go about reclaiming ourselves will look different.
I would also put in if she is a super empath that trait is showing and just needs some time to level out.
This is just my outlook on things and my opinion
Please don’t think I am attacking you for your comment, I just though another view could be added.
And yet one more few. He has a girlfriend! Who does not realize what he is and who loves him very much. She is his #1 fan.
FM1T
You hold a very valid point, my reference thou only pertains to here, not HGs private life.
In her mind she is his number 1 and he is hers.
Yet this can fall within my first comment of he is what he is from each one of our perspective.
Twilight I understand that. He becomes so many things to each of us! Do you really think this will help her in her healing? If so that is a wonderful thing! But a mind can be so complexed at times and sometimes people can become disillusioned and with that comes hurt if not worse! Perhaps this was just my mind working over time as usual and trying to protect someone from being hurt again.
FM1T
The information HG provides, when the time comes, yes I do believe it would help, yet due to the dynamics of this particular situation he would not be able to help her like he can us.
Now if he changes his mind and decides she is the one and wants to open up to her, I can’t say one way or another. Only HG knows her and has any idea of how she would react/respond to this.
Twilight,
I in no way perceive that to be an attack 🙂. I appreciate the point you made because quite honestly I didn’t consider that at all…
Dr Quinzel
I don’t think anyone else has either.
If it bothers someone then perhaps they should raise their game , use their imagination and try to come up with something better.
Raise their game for what?
Twilight
Like fantasy football there’s always a challenge. Funny, I’ve seen men get more excited over their fantasy than the real ones. It’s all in fun..,😊😊
Yolo
Fantasy football, I just don’t get that….
I would have to disagree with you thou on its all fun… some here are very serious hiding it under a blanket of humor
If you are speaking of competing for HG, then your all blind. And striving for the oh I won HG. This is not a fucking competition in who ultimately “wins” his attention. You win when you fully understand and become aware.
Can you understand him when you don’t even understand yourself?
Now if I am going on the wrong direction I apologize, I just have had it with the drama and the one upping. Instead of actually paying attention to what is going on around you.
Fine but Im his #1 Naughty Angel. Thats what NA really stands for lol.
ROTFL suits you! I do believe you, you have spent enough time on the naughty step at Tudor towers.
We all win with him, I am just tired of when one of us states something they are passionate about people start to nit pick and make this a competition of who is better.
HG picks, we don’t pick for him.
Let’s make it clear the question was asked for information on why someone gives themselves this title.
I am not new to this blog, over a year as with many of us and some MLA, two plus years. If I felt I needed to have this name and thought I needed to come with something snazzy, trust me, I would have done so already. That statement alone is confrontational in my mind and insulting.
I do not consider myself a “fan” per se. I consider myself a client who engages with HG for reasons that do not fit the norm. I am not an empath in the same sense as most on here. This is why I get toothaches from all the sweetness. I say what I feel and I have told MLA she is a big piece of sugar, she knows this. I think she is understanding me for who I am. I am trying to be more kind in my thoughts for most on here. perhaps I am envious you have so much empathy…………NO fuck that! Playing girls playing. Calm down, no need to attack again.
I asked this question for a personal reason and it has nothing to do with #1 Fan.
So to those who wanted drama today, you will not get it from me. Also you are being very unkind as you went on attack instead of asking what I meant. So piss off. You show your true colors when you least expect too.
I am sure Indy would understand my question and I am a bit shocked that the one who is in this field did not and actually was the first to insult me and assume this was an attack on #1.
Are we clear now?
If need be I will put my question in private. Nice to be able to do so.
Ah Oh
If my comment was direct towards you I would have said so. You are very clear to me, so you don’t have to sugar coat anything with me.
If you have any questions for me I would be happy to answer them.
Please leave me out of this discussion Ah-Oh and I am respectfully asking you to stop referring to me as sugar and how I give you toothaches. We covered this last week. I’m done hearing it.
Ah Oh
I have finally had a chance to go back and read this thread. My annoyance has been building for awhile now. My comment was not direct towards you but in general.
Any time anyone shows some possessiveness towards HG, many start to nit pick, trying to out do with pettiness, jealousy so on and so forth.
HGT#1F shouldn’t have to defend her right or explain why she is his #1 fan.
She is in her mind, end of story.
Now thou that you have brought this even more to my attention, your comment can be seen as underhanded in insinuating she is narcissistic.
You have been known to become possessive of HG and have even told me such, in your mind and acknowledge this as such. You are aggressive when you feel as if you have been attacked. Love to tell people they can fuck off, if they don’t see things your way. More then happy to talk about all your holidays and escapades. One might think you are rubbing this in people’s face. You. Have even made it clear how long you have been here, like that gives you superiority over anyone that hasn’t been,
I do agree with you when you stated “I am not an empath in the same sense as most here.” You are correct with that statement.
Yes things are crystal clear
I meant make an effort.
I really don’t understand the controversy around HG T#1 ‘s name ( not in this comment section but I have seen it few times in the past).
Her idea, her title.
Then I apologize for the misunderstanding.
I believe it is because she is saying she is the only one, and many here want that position and how it is coming across is they don’t realize we all look the same to him, appliances. So they nit pick. They need to focus on their growth and awareness and not try to pull another down over something like a name.
Ah oh,
It appears you indirectly mentioned me in one of you posts on this page…
I in no way was trying to insult you or attack you or anything..
My statement was not directed at you. It was a general statement that I felt should be made primarily because I didn’t wanna see women fighting over such trivial matters again. My intent was just to keep the peace and squash this before it got out of hand.
This was simply a misunderstanding.
Twilight ,
No need to apologize. I should choose my words more carefully.
To me it’s just the name .She expresses her admiration for Mr Tudor being grateful for the help she received through consultations i believe and as long she is not offending anyone i think it’s harmless.
ABW
I have seen that from the beginning. Yet that is the thing people are offend that she has taken this name. Why? Do they feel threatened that she is getting or going to be given some kind of special treatment, over a name? Petty in my opinion.
The bottom line thou is She should not have to feel as if she needs to defend her name here. Ever sense she became visible someone has said something in regards with her name.
No one here should feel like they have to go to HG and beg him not to take something from them because people can not deal with how they feel.
After rereading comments ( once I was off of work) I now see what I perceive as an underhanded comment of insinuation in the disguise of a question that she is a narcissist.
AH OH ,
I’m very sorry .
My comment wasn’t directed at you but those who as Twilight mentioned are for some reason bothered with HGT#1 name .
It was never my intention to insult anyone and i apologise if i did.
I value your opinion and always appreciate your insight and honesty on this blog.
Is this dialogue serious? LOL
“I’m HG’S #1 fan” ” No, I am!” “Well maybe I am but I don’t care” “I know you are but what am I?” “I’ve been here for 2 years 6 months 3 days 15 minutes and 4 seconds” holy moly!
This reminds me of when I was 6 and everyone wanted to be at the head of the lunch line. hahaha.
And for goodness sake, leave MLA alone already…
Sues423
You failed to see the entire dynamics of that conversation
Anyone can listen to hear, not everyone listens to understand.
I am just going to start to encourage you all to just stay here.
Hmmmm. No I don’t think I failed anything. No need to speak to me in a condescending way. I know exactly what I read and exactly how it comes across. In my humble opinion 🙃
It was intended to be condescending,
OHHHH trust me Twilight . I read every bit and know exactly what she was doing. It was VERY evident to me there was a “narcissist” implication. Make no mistake. I didn’t want to get into that.
I was looking at the hilarious back and forth in the beginning which sounds like a petty childish fight about “who HG likes better”
You ever stated yourself :
“If you are speaking of competing for HG, then your all blind. And striving for the oh I won HG. This is not a fucking competition in who ultimately “wins” his attention. You win when you fully understand and become aware.”
I think you may have looked into what I said too deeply .
Sue423
I was annoyed, I have found thou when you put a humorist twist to things those that have not yet reach the point of seeing the subtleties miss it and focus on the humor instead. Seeing everyone following suit. It slows down there awareness. I don’t believe this was your intention and would not want to see another’s progress slowed down.
Sue423
No it was suppose to be it wasn’t but auto correct struck, I was feeling condescending, angry and very frustrated with a variety of things. Some were from a different forum. The lack of knowledge, reading the excuses so on and so forth then coming here. Even thou I spoke truth in many instances some of it came from anger, in that I am sorry about. Because IMO it is destructive. I am not sorry about the truth part only in the way I handle things, I could have done so in a more constructive manner.
What it look to me is you read it as a back and forth on a name which it was but missed the fact of what was at the core of this.
A put down and an insinuation of the character of another.
Only a certain type of person does this. It was very subtle in nature
They also very subtle called me a narcsissist.
HG can confirm I am far from one of his kind, if anyone needs confirmation of where I stand.
I can confirm Twilight is not a member of my brethren
Thank you HG, I have always appreciated everything you do, you have help my kind more then we have helped ourselves.
Hi Sues423! I’m glad I don’t give you a toothache! lol
Heck no sister! You stay you !!! 🌺
Clarece
You are kind, thoughtful, intelligent, supportive, cheery and fun. And all of those adjectives are meant in only a positive way! Your comments to me have often brightened my day!
Did you get to see the eclipse? I drove to a family members where it was total. Loved it but it was over so quickly!
I absolutely adore you Windstorm2! Your presence on this blog is so vitally important! As HG says, he doles out the bitter medicine for us to swallow and there’s you to counter that with your kindness and words of wisdom with the patience of an Angel towards all of us!
Thank you so much. I truly appreciate that!
I did see a partial viewing of the eclipse. It was a fun way to break up a Monday from the work grind.
The thread is broken so to find where your question of what I think you name stands for. For you, I have no idea. This is up to you. I am curious to what HG thinks of them. All of the names we give ourselves.
What do I think of “Twilight” the word? It is more of a visual word and then a feeling word. The visual being a sky open to see as far as you can see with stars lighting the sky. With this visual with this thought is peaceful.
Ah Oh came about by thinking to myself Holy shit, what am I getting myself into here. It was suppose to be Uh Oh but it was a typo, and I make many, that I did not decide to fix. Nothing more then this. But nonetheless, it does have a meaning for me.
French Toast had some great posts on a few of our names at one point. Where is she anyway.
No I am not empathic on the level of some on here. It is not my nature. So when I attack, I would say it is a normal behavior for me because of my lack of empathy. But when one claims to care so much about total strangers plights and then attacks others for no reason, I wonder the motive behind it. HG’s #1 Fan is perfectly capable of defending herself. I see her as a little spitfire and ready to rumble. I have no doubt she can hold her own but I am sure she appreciates the shout outs.
As far as others who take my honesty in a negative way, I wonder just how kind they really are. It seems to me they are like MEAN GIRLS.
If you study people, like I have for my entire life, you see the cracks in their facade.
I have no ill will in real life with anyone on this blog. I have my opinions, like everyone does. I know there are a few I would interact with in real life and some I would turn my nose up to them as I see them as full as crap and not honest.
When you call a spade a spade and you get attacked for it, who is being more honest?
I carry a lamp in the daytime, looking for an honest man. Diogenes
In closing I want to say I do like your name you have picked for yourself. It is a calming word in my mind.
There is a big difference between having no empathy and one having absolutely no manners and attacking people in a rude way. It doesn’t seem that you have learned one is not always in tandem with the other. HG has no empathy and is very polite. You may want to go over that in your next consultation.
You wear your rudeness like a badge of honor that we are all supposed to respect, and if we don’t you use your arsenal of “woe is me , feel sorry for me, you have to understand” tools to attack people. You use your “Honesty” as a guise for berating people and unleashing your internal pain on them.
I think Twilight hit the nail on the head because I thought the EXACT same thing when I read your so called question about being HG’s #1 fan.
Hi Sue423 Your comment that “HG has no empathy and is very polite” caused me to ponder that statement. I agree that HGs responses always appear very polite, however, sometimes, when I read our comments and HGs responses to them, I get this visual image of him calling us ****s whilst simultaneously chewing on his titanium stress balls, in a polite way of course. I just sometimes get this vibe albeit not too often..….. it usually makes me smile……so long as the vibe isn’t directed at me!!!!!! Fate told me not to submit this post as my computer switched off whilst I was half way through writing it………I hope that vibe isn’t coming my way any time soon!!!! Diva
Titanium stress balls amused me.
So Twilight, according to your comment to me you meant to be condescending to me? Is that correct?
Hi Twilight, Happy Friday to you.
I would like to respond to this comment that you made. I am not sure it will go beneath the one that you made to me.
1. Sue423
I was annoyed, I have found thou when you put a humorist twist to things those that have not yet reach the point of seeing the subtleties miss it and focus on the humor instead. Seeing everyone following suit. It slows down there awareness. I don’t believe this was your intention and would not want to see another’s progress slowed down
Okay, first of all, why do you feel the need to tell everyone what they can and cannot say on here? You seem to have a set of rules that you feel everyone needs to follow. I am now aware of one rule, Don’t use humor.
How am I to determine who has not “reached the point of seeing the subtleties?” What you are basically saying is that I have to have by me at all times, a list of potential issues, psychological problems, traumas ect. That people have and tailor my comments to meet everyone’s needs with careful consideration that none of their progress would be hindered and if so I am to blame? Should I run by you everything that I post before I post it? Should I interview people that would like to read this blog so I know what may or may not offend them? And how do you know that maybe me using humor is part of my growth and you are potential hindering it? And on and on with everyone? And by you trying to moderate what people can post may potentially keep people from posting at all. I am fairly certain that most people on here are adults and can make decisions for themselves.
And I do try to be respectful and care about what I say. I cannot control whether or not people have a sense of humor. If they don’t, then they won’t get what I say anyway and should move on. I am not a professional psychologist or hold any degree in a like field so I cannot be held responsible for their progress.
As I agreed with you about Ah Uh’s question and her intention behind it. I would like to remind you that HG’s#1 fan has also come onto this blog and randomly insulted many people on here and continues to do so. I wonder to myself as to why you defend someone who has clearly been abusive to the bloggers on here and not defend the bloggers when she uncaringly hurls her insults?
Sue423
I was just saying that is all.
The choice is yours. I guess caring about the one who gets distracted and loses focus on what is what because another that has been here longer, was a winner with the contest and seen to have more knowledge in this area has blanketed with humor and see they are joking about so it must be a joke and not a subtle hint of an insult.
People look up to you, for those that don’t know will follow suit of those they perceive to understand and grasp just what HG is teaching.
I never said not to use humor, but when one sees what another is doing and then playing humor on to it, changes it.
You knew what I was saying in regards to Ah Oh then made a humorist comment on regards to it. I very rarely say anything to another blogger here in regards with their comments unless it is to discuss, to say I am in agreement or that IMO I disagree.
Where have you ever seen me “moderate” another before this? When have you ever seen me voice my opinion so strongly? When have I put down another and said they can not say what they need? I would like to know when any of this happen before this point in time.
If anyone want to say I have “attacked” another it has always been one of HG kind. My own I don’t and go about things in a different way, I understand why HGT#1F feels the way she does and she is very defensive in this. I have made comments to her in regards with this, not to make her feel attacked but to stop and think of what she is doing.
The more I sit back and read the more I see why HG has no reason to change and why we keep reaffirming his beliefs.
Have you forgotten so soon how you felt just coming out of your relationship with your narcsissist? Did you or did you not feel like you needed a safety net, something to cling onto when those seas became rough and you felt like you were drowning?
Maybe just maybe HGT#1F feels like HG is her safety net, and she is clinging for life at this particular moment in her healing, feeling very possessive that someone will come and rip it from her?
Not one person is giving her time. We all react in different way in our healing. That and if she is a super empath that particular trait is still running in full force, It takes time to dim down.
Twilight,
Once again, My comment was not directed toward what you said to Ah Oh at all. What struck me was that it seemed like a bunch of school girls competing of the most popular boy and comparing who he like more. I had no intention of getting into your discussion. And you are TOTALLY out of line telling me that I made a humorist comment with a purposeful intent on demeaning what you said to Ah Oh. That is total Bullshit and very unfair. And again, I did agree with you and stated that to AH OH. DID YOU NOT READ THAT????
You moderated Ah Oh’s post on this article which started this whole thing. And you moderated me with my comment as well. Saying to me, “you failed to see the entire dynamics of that conversation (implying that I am stupid) anyone can listen to hear, not everyone listens to understand. Very condescending to me. You said that right out of the gate without asking me anything? And you moderated me when I sent a post to Lansealen a few months back. I had to explain to you twice in detail why I was speaking to him the way I did.
I never used the word “attacked”
HGT#1 Fan BRINGS IT ON HERSELF!!! I have no pity whatsoever.
If I did need a safety net I sure as hell didn’t go on a blog and create a screen name that would cause dissention and start bashing everyone on it. If HG is her safety net and she clinging for life (which I completely don’t believe) she should show more respect for people. She shows none. In the pictures she posts of herself do not indicate to me in any way, shape or form that she is this poor little bird on the side of the road that needs to be rescued. She is being antagonistic and I am sorry you cannot see any of that. And I have seen a few people give her time, so that is not true.
And here we go again………………….
So let me get this straight. We (the people you deem as not following your rules) are now responsible for HG Tudor not changing and we are reaffirming his beliefs. HOLY SHIT I have now heard it all. Well we all might as well stop writing on his blog because who knows what we will say that may cause him not to change. You’re right! He’s like a little sheep who gets swayed by the slightest comment. He was on the verge of being healed but nooo.. some bloggers said some things and it shut the whole thing down. He started this blog in hopes of one of his writers coming through for him to help him change.
And another thing, don’t put this “contest” crap on me and the amount of time I have been on here which hasn’t even been a year. I have a pretty good memory and I read a lot. That’s it. Stop making me responsible for other people’s wellbeing.
Sues423
I do believe you missed the part of I do not believe that was your intention, meaning I didn’t see it as such, another not having the knowledge could.
I did read where you agreed with me.
I did not moderate, I made a general comment that she decided to comment to me in her defense that I was attacking her. Like I told her if I was directing something towards another I say it to them, she directed my focus back to her,
You commented under all of this in what was humorous, yet I was making a point and from experience people follow those they believe understand and then lose focus on what was.
You took it as condescending because my comment back said this due to an auto correct between was and wasn’t. It wasn’t meant to be condescending.
You came across to me as missing the point, henceforth why I said what I did.
When I replied back I stated I didn’t believe that was YOUR intention.
When did I say you used the word attack?
We all go through this healing process differently, what you do will be different then another. Yet one is judge on this. You don’t even recognize what stage she is in because you are so far beyond that. Which I am happy for you! Her pictures are no different then the sexual content of some comments here. The only difference is they are pictures and not words.
We reaffirm by this emotionally charged comments towards one another, tearing another down. How can one build trust with another if it is so easy to lose control of their emotions and hurt another with words.
Verge of being healed fat chance, and he knows damn well I know he isn’t. Ya sure he hopes to find the one that changes him, now I am laughing cause that is the funniest thing I have read all night. He looks for the one that can provide fuel and doesn’t have to keep searching.
Where did I put you in any contest? Unless it is the one you volunteer in kissing him, to demonstrate for education. I don’t believe you were kidding either, on that.
Never said or made you responsible, yet every choice we make, every action we take has an effect somewhere or with someone. Every damn one!
And for the record I don’t always get notifications and usually have to go back and read threads. So I never saw your explanation, so I will not respond to this.
Sue423
I was annoyed, I have found thou when you put a humorist twist to things those that have not yet reach the point of seeing the subtleties miss it and focus on the humor instead. Seeing everyone following suit. It slows down there awareness. I don’t believe this was your intention and would not want to see another’s progress slowed down
Where in that comment did I tell you or anyone what they can and can not say?
I was speaking from my experience
I also stated I didn’t believe this was your intentions, in which I was saying I didn’t believe you would intentionally do such a thing.
So again where have I moderated anything? Where did I say you could not use humor?
Why would you blanket a subtle insinuation with humor if you recognize it, instead of pulling it out into the open? Why would you give another power over another here, to insult another Empath? Turn your head instead of standing up to it. Why would you not want to protect another Empath?
I really don’t understand this? The only one I can understand looking away is a greater, I am fully aware of what they are capable of doing. There is none here that can go head to head and gain the upper hand with them, especially an elite. But a lessor or a mid range?
Here we go once again .. trying to belittle and guilt me into thinking I am responsible for another persons journey. Unreal
Sorry I spelled AH OH’s name wrong
Typo .
Dr. Harleen i agree who cares if # 1 HG fan wants that title so be it.
As far as super empath im doubting that one. From what ive learned of a super empath they dont feel the need to brag about a title or say mean things to others for no reason. That to me is not even an empath. I dont know #1 HG fan tho so i could be wrong. Its difficult to truely know people online. I find it humorous all the selfie pics which im sure arent for our benefit 😉
Twilight, i don’t believe she’s a super empath. I believe she is one of his kind. She engages in grandiosity by putting others down, entitlement, gaslights, contradicts herself (hypocrisy) and deflects. Hg will not tell his reader she is a narc, as it is against the 5 rules. However, when pple have questioned him if they themselves are narcs, he doesn’t hesitate to tell them that they are not, if they are not. I have mentioned in a previous post that i believed she is a narc, and he did not reply that she is not. Usually, he asserts that they are not, if that is the case.
She is not a Narcissist.
Jenna
You are entitled to your opinion, yet just so you and I are clear I have never stated she was a SE, I have said IF she is an SE. I have never stated what any Empath is here.
I have only once made it very clear what my opinion of another reader is.
HGT#1F has not been here long enough to state yes this is her behavior or no this isn’t her behavior. Many are going by first impressions and the fact she became defensive when her character was questioned via through her name. Doesn’t she have a right to express her anger over this? Do I agree with telling everyone else they can not be his #1 because she is, no, yet I expected this because it is her fail safe.
When did HG ever say it was part of his 5 rules he could not tell another reader they are a narc? Yet he can tell an empath they are an empath?
He sees no reason in telling another they are a narc because a lessor or a mid range will not accept this due to their lack of awareness. It has nothing to do with his rules. They are in place for other reasons. Now to be clear he has never told me what the rules are!
You stated you mention you believe she is a narc in a comment and due to his not confirming one way or another says she is, no he is letting you form your own opinion, IMO. He isn’t going to stand there and hold your hand confirming yes or no all the time. If so why bother teaching you anything when people will mindlessly follow, no he is letting you chose to follow your choices and opinions. Again IMO. The only power we have is our choice, we can give it away or use it.
It is worth clarifying that I do not tell a reader that they are a narcissist because since they will either be a Lesser or Mid-Range Narcissist, there is no point as they have no insight. I also think that it is more instructive to allow readers to make their own assessments to apply the knowledge and understanding that they are accumulating here. It is not one of the five rules. As I have mentioned before, the 5 rules cannot be revealed as that would alter the dynamic in this forum, but the rules exist for the good governance of the blog, to maintain a constructive arena where people feel able to express their opinions and offer their own explanations and share their experiences.
you made it DRAMA with your comment. It was a legitimate question. If you notice I spelled out the words.
Thank you Abrokenwing, and Twilight for understanding. I am truly in love with HG. It’s an amazing name isn’t it, and its mine. I don’t see why many others have their pantys in a bunch.
HGT#1F
I won’t discourage you from expressing your feelings towards him, they are valid and you feel them passionately
I will encourage you to look within to find the why you feel the way you do. I ask only one thing can you be brutally honest with yourself? I do not need your answer, the question is only for you and it is there you will find the answers.
I stand by this competition broadcasted on tv as unhealthy and it could negatively impact a child’s self-esteem.
Familiar story about snowy winter… In my case it was a punishment for “disobedient behavior”. I made the snowy men, women, animals, flowers to entertain myself and not to think about cold.
Sorry for misunderstanding, it was my comment – Noname.
Oh, again “maze”… It seems the Disqus plays games with me. I’ve changed settings and now I want to check it again.
I watched this program last night. My friend visited me and asked to put it on.
My thoughts exactly when he raised the trophy up!
As a parent I also want my children to do well . I believe that my responsibility is to give my children best chance in life so I’m trying to encourage their academic achievements and help them succeed but I also let my children be children.
I was always good at school , setting the example for others and my two younger brothers had to endure being constantly compared to me by our parents and teachers.
I don’t have many memories of my childhood, I think I effectively erased them…. but one of the things I remember is when I was 8 or 9 maybe and my father taught me times tables using a leather belt as a educational tool. For every wrong answer i gave… I learned pretty quickly as you can imagine.
Happiness and security is the real measure of parental success.
ABW
If I remember correctly it is your birthday this month. I dont know the day so I will just say that and I am glad you were born and hope you enjoy the day.
Narc Angel I want you to come celebrate my birthday! Next Year!
Thank you so much NarcAngel ! You remembered! How lovely you are 🤗.
It was 2 weeks ego and I had a great time with my family & friends , felt so spoiled and blessed .
I twisted my knee dancing till 4am and ended up in a hospital A&E but it was epic!
No running 🏃🏻♀️for a while tho .😁
ago*
Kami, people on the blog are known as tertiary sources. HG, recieves very low fuel from tertiary sources.
ht#1f,
How would you classify yourself to HG, a tertiary source?
Wow HG! This is such a profound piece! Really proud of you tackling this topic especially when the nurture aspect is so heavily evaluated in determining how it shapes narcissism in adulthood.
That episode when you were 9 having to recite the poem in the winter cold, was abusive and I know as much as you would prefer to bury that in the forgotten vault, it keeps creeping it’s way to the surface, because of the impact it clearly had on you at the time and the self reflection that the last few years of therapy forces you to do. It was wrong and shitty and you need to hear that validation. Little HG deserved better and someone to intervene on his behalf in that damn house.
As far as parents pushing kids now, it’s like there are two extremes. The overachievers and the do-nothings. Hardly any middle of the road type people who believe keeping things in moderation. For the first time my own daughter told me last week that she wants to be involved with a certain number of activities before entering high school so it will benefit her on her college resume. Huh? I told her I liked her enthusiasm but she’s 11. She’s still allowed to be a kid.
I posted this article on FB a couple of years ago about parents pushing kids to be on “Elite” travel sports teams and the overuse of the word “Elite”.
https://www.google.com/amp/s/patch.com/connecticut/simsbury/amp/4494590/many-experts-dont-support-elite-youth-sports-teams
I ultimately changed dance schools for my daughter due to the excessive culture the Dance Moms were creating to build a winning competition team with the teacher following suit to their beckon call. For six months 2-3 weekends per month we were expected to be at competitions traveling all over the state or in the Midwest staying at every Holiday Inn or Hampton Inn like a second rate comedian. The dancers were expected to take 2-3 hours of core classes each week night plus rehearsal time. Young girls not getting to bed until 10 on school nights. These moms just seemed desperate to get away from the boring weekend grind with their families with grocery shopping, laundry, chores etc. It was escapism for them. Sorry I’m not pimping my kid out for that. I was the only parent who would not commit to 9 travel weekends so my daughter was bumped down to a solo only and could not do any group dances. The other moms kept wanting me to drink the dance mom Koolade. I wouldn’t do it. We ultimately left the “Elite” dance team and went to a more laid back school. My daughter’s technique has suffered slightly but she is included in everything and made a group of really sweet friends. That is my emphasis for a 10 or 11 year old.
The former team, those girls are dominating in the Midwest. One 9 year old, a true protegie, has an Instagram page where her mother lets her travel out of state with her dance teacher to do photography shoots for dance wear companies. This child is on a beach in provocative poses with a page for the public to see and 1100 followers. Where is her childhood? What will her joints and muscles feel like in her 20’s? Pedophiles flick to these pages and competitions. The physical and mental damage these parents are doing with this current generation will not have enough therapists needed come their breakdowns in mid-life.
Do you think it is narcissistic to claim to be your number one fan? Just a question and not an attack on anyone. What would constitute a Number One Fan? Just a simple question from a number one fan.
It is a narcissistic trait based on entitlement but is merely indicative and not determinative.
I have not established the criteria yet to invite applications from people for the coveted position of No. 1 Fan as of yet, therefore HGTN1F is able to utilise the title in the interim without complication.
I see myself more of a student than a fan……Depeche Mode blew it for me…….. I think I could have turned a blind eye to all of the other horrors!!!!
So good HG! So good! Lol
The Narcissist and Empath attraction is very strong, even on an on-line forum. I often find the dance for your attention silly and a little irritating. Although, I can feel the pull too…
Is it all just fuel to you?
Is what all fuel to me? The dance for my attention? Yes it is fuel, of low potency, low quantity and moderate frequency. As I keep explaining.
HG, I understand that you find fuel from the blog low level and low quality. I know several narcissists, however, who would love the attention and fuel from a blog like this. Is that just because they are much lower level than yourself or maybe because they don’t have as many sources of higher quality as you? I can imagine insecure midlevels locked away in a room gleefully sucking up fuel from all the comments.
It will be because they have a lower demand for fuel and smaller fuel matrices than I.
Thank you, HG. I am always appreciative when you help me understand. Maybe that is why people keep thinking this is important fuel for you, because they know narcs that would consider it important.
Some hold such a title…..yet aren’t we all in some form or another a #1 fan of yours HG? By our own perspective makes this true in our minds.
Now if you want to go with what makes you different……I am getting the popcorn this time….
Important matrix on deck.
That made me chuckle.
Again, there can only be one #1, as well as HG Tudors #1 fan. Therefore, I HG Tudors #! fan, hold that title. HG, I feel it to be such a privililege to call myself, HG Tudors #1 Fan. I am the original HG Tudors #1 fan. The others will be imitations. Please do not except any applications, nor take that title away from me. I am begging you.
Speaking of Depeche, I just purchased tickets for the date of November 2017.
HG approves
HGT#1F
If my opinion for you to keep that title holds anything with HG…. Personally I don’t see a problem with it.
This obviously means something to you, and I understand why it would.
We all have a title……some are born with one, some are given, and some claim one
I am content with mine….Twilight
Twilight
I agree!
Of course HG have spoken and approved. #1fan wil be the interim #1fan. All fans will be interim.
Good point Yolo you are really getting the hang of this Narc Life…..(now I can’t stop humming Park Life – Blur)
Diva
Lol , I am not familiar with that song. But, i am thinking about the movie HER.
HG, would you like to join us for dinner. I will save you a seat. 😋
Hi Yolo….I am not familiar with the movie HER….I just watched the trailer…..and I am now going to have to watch it later tonight. My favourite film of all time is The Holiday (not because of Jude Law) but because I can see many of my own traits and behaviour as a mixture of those 2 characters….. 50% Amanda (NO reference to HGs Amanda) and 50% Iris……..(without their beauty, the good looking men, the big house, the money and the happy ending!!!!!) I will let you know what I think about HER when I have watched it. Thank you Diva
Thank you for your answer. I just wanted to know what would make someone number one fan. I am not sure why everyone took this as a negative. I nearly asked a question.
I would consider a number one fan who has tenure and helps promote and has read all your books and reposts you writings on social media. I would not be in any of these categories. I am just a fan.
I ask because knowing people who have been to over 300 deadhead concerts etc would qualify as a number one fan. The fanalows (Barry Manalow’s loyal fans who follow him around the country for his shows and stand in line to get into the showroom hours before the show.
As I stated, it was a question concerning narcissism.
So piss off for those who decided to be the question police. I have the right just like you to ask a question. OH wait, I forgot the world we live in now.
Does the blog help you fuel yourself? I know you were trying to do this and wonder if doing what you are doing and the positive feedback you are getting from most of us,tertiary sources help you to fuel yourself.
Lou
Scroll up and read the comments from windstorm2, HG and Kimi and you will get your answer about fuel.
Hi K,
Thanks for your answer. I assume you are referring to this:
“Is what all fuel to me? The dance for my attention? Yes it is fuel, of low potency, low quantity and moderate frequency. As I keep explaining.” And some other comments that followed.
However, that was not my question to HG. I know HG gets little fuel from here as we are tertiary sources. But I know the good doctors asked HG to try to fuel himself. I was wondering if the good job he is doing here helps him feel good about himself and is able to use this to fuel himself. But he did not answer so never mind.
Noted Lou, I have answered this question for you under a different comment of yours.
I guess that my question for HG was, can you generate fuel for yourself thinking of the good job you are doing? But I may be considering the thing from my empathic perspective.
Lou, knowing the likely reactions and recalling the reactions of individuals to my work generates Thought Fuel, but it is again contingent on the reactions of others albeit through recollection and recall as opposed to immediate witnessing.
Ok, thanks for your answer HG.
I liked this post very much, especially the end. It is very good and you wrote it so quickly.
I felt like hugging 9 year old HG when I read that part. Yes, I am such a savior empath
Hello Lou
Sorry if I misunderstood your question. Sometimes others will ask questions and get excellent answers, so I piggyback off of those and, on occasion, I miss comments if I don’t go through them thoroughly enough. Thank you for your polite response and I am glad you got your answer about fuel.
No need to apologize K. I realize my question was not very clear. And I found very nice of you that you wanted to help.
Thank you K. It’s been rough but everything is finally making sense. I know I’m getting better because the last terrible thing he said to me was maybe one if the worst telling me that he is sure that I lied about a rape that happened when I was 14. and I didn’t let it get to me and only replied” wow! new low even for you! Nice! Lol good night” all because I thought we should wait one more year before our 2 oldest should try living with him. He has been gone most of their life and after the divorce would say he wished I would hurry and find a new husband so he could adopt the kids so he didn’t have to pay childsupport.which is also why I think he wants 2 of the 4 so he won’t have to pay. Even though he is 15,000 behind and finds away to Blame me for that and blames me for any problems with our kids, never ever taking any responsibility for walking away and leaving his children without a dad. Anyways sorry for the long blah blah blah but I have never put my story out there before and because of him I keep everything inside because I don’t want to be blamed for lying or wanting sympathy. I hate the poor pitty me crap and try to steer clear of it. All I want is someone to learn from my experiences and know that it’s not them and that they are not crazy. Maybe walk away before they waste or lose years with a pathetic piece of crap that’s only out to hurt them and pull them down to nothing to only build themselves up. Walk away please being sad and single and even feeling lonely sometimes is still so much better then the way you feel with them. Sounds weird but one day you will get it. But you have to free yourself first.
Kami
Your post reminded me of the father of my two oldest children. He was very similar to your husband. Much of what you wrote, I, too, have experienced. Blaming you for everything, walking away and owing you child support is similar to what I went through, as well as, trying to take away 2 of your 4 children. My ex tried to get full custody of our son so he wouldn’t have to pay support, even though he was absent from much of his childhood. I, also, kept everything inside, like you. You are absolutely right; being sad, single and lonely is much better than being with a narcissist. Sorry about the rape and at such a young age, too, that was very sad to read. And then he accused you of lying about it. How cruel! I am glad you didn’t let him know that it hurt you. You are very strong. It is comments like yours that help us all learn. You are not crazy and neither am I; we are free.
You never cease to amaze me, HG. You are one brilliant individual. It seems to me, there is a lot of narcissist in our society amongst us.
Thank you HGT1F
My pleasure!
HG, you are truly a genius.
Kami
Reading your post was very difficult. Thank you for sharing and I am glad to read that you are free after 12 years and getting better everyday. It cheered me up at the end to read that.
It was child abuse for you to stand outside the house in the cold until you could recite a poem. Your father should have intervened immediately and protected you. It is not child abuse to expect a child to do well and strive to be the best by applying some pressure and guidance. Expressing disappointment to a child that he/she has not performed well and not reached expectations and their potential without torturing them physically and emotionally is fine too. Of course the parent needs to be able to discern the right balance on how to do that which touches on another subject.
Minesh. He appears to be of Indian background and in my experience with people of his culture they behave in a similar manner. Indian parents do push their children to do well and are proud of their achievements and will boast about it. They are indeed competitive, nothing wrong with it. His comment about being a family of winners is fine but to me it means nothing because he is an IT Manager. His job title does not marry up with his comment nor with winning a child genius show. There are others who do a lot better than him. Taking the trophy out of his child’s hands is inconsiderate. Had he lifted his child on stage with the child holding the trophy – would have been more endearing.
Olivia. Her mother’s comment was unacceptable. Now is the time for Olivia to start planning the Grand Design on her mother and exact it with precision.
I finally told him to get out 3 weeks before our 4th child was born. I couldn’t take the mind games and the back and forth ideas. One minute my oldest from Another marriage who graduated from high school was a great kid and he could live there for free and we would help pay his bills as long as he went to college. With in hours it went to he should take a year off and play because he deserved a break because he did so good in school. If he wanted to work before going back to school he could keep that money and have a year of no worries and memories of fun! Well, it of course changed the next day to he needs to pay his way and he/my son doesn’t respect him/my husband at the time. He would say hurtful things about me or my son and how he works every day and we never tell him thank you for all he has done for us. ( keep in mind that “never” in his mind was at least 2 or 3 times per day) he wouldn’t cheat and he worked hard and would buy things for us but at a price. I was told that if he had to work 50 hours a week or more then I needed to find a job that was the same. If he bought us stuff it was thrown in our face the next time he went crazy and picked a fight with me. He always was trying to get me to move far away to a new state and not take my son with. He would say let him live with his dad you don’t need to live your life for him. You need to think about us and make our relationship stronger because one day he will be grown and move and it will just be us. So stop doing everything for him and put me First! (When he would say this, my son was between 8 and 10 years old) I learned that our marriage was differnet from my friends and people I talked to because I couldn’t tell him everything that normal married people tell each other in fear that he will find a way to use it against me somehow some day. Turning the most innocent statements or innocent secrets from my past and make me a bad person for saying or feeling them. When he didn’t get his way sometimes he would go tell my family or friends things that he knew I didn’t want them to know. One time he got me to the point of crying and begging him to take me back turning all my words into different meaning or whatever and then called my mom at 2 am to tell her I was drunk and she should get me help. I was 23 years old but he still felt like he should tell in me. I laugh now. If he couldn’t find something to throw at me or think of a past statement to twist and belittle me with during a fight he would say things like “well your dad isn’t working and sits on his ass and is lazy.”or “your mom still has no emotion and remember how she never told you I love you when you were small? Well your just like her!” Funny thing is about all those fights was how he would pull my family into them when the fight started because I wanted to hang up the phone so I could get the kids in the bathtub. He drove over the road and had way to much time alone to think and wanted to talk 5 or 6 times a day and would get mad when I would put our kids in front of them. All while they were little….. newborn,2 and 3. He had me sitting on the kitchen floor almost every night crying and feeling like I was losing my mind. Always turning everything I said and all my actions into something different so that I was always in the wrong every time even when I know in the beginning of the conversation I was RIGHT! Nope in the end I was stupid, disrespectful,ungrateful and most of all WRONG! Finally after 12 yrs I broke free for good and it’s been almost 6 yrs and I’m doing so much better. Well until I talk to him on the phone about the kids and he puts me right back to feeling like crap. I finally said that texting will be the only way to communicate from now on no more phone call and of course he never does that and says he can’t text and I must not want to put the kids first and coparent. I don’t reply and it ends soon after. He is remarried which helps me heal but it’s funny when his wife gets to get crazy with me and I try and warn her. She says I’m living in the past and he is not the same man he was. Mind you he moved her 2000 miles away from everyone she knows, even her 3 girls
Didn’t go with them at first and have done the back and forth between them and their dad’s house. Oh well she must learn what he is herself plus it keeps him from bothering me as much. Lol healing and getting better everyday! Now I know that I’m happy because of me and my choices and if I’m sad it’s because of me and not being put down by an asshole. I decide my path. Wow sorry so long!!!
Twilight, you have an amazing name as well.
Thank you HGT#1F
It has a very special meaning to me.
Looks like a lizard to me.
An excellent article HG, very well observed. I started to watch this programme and became uncomfortable. I consider it child abuse. Pushy parents are not prevented from abusing their own children. To push naturally bright kids into a TV contest is offensive. The perfect arena for a Narcissistic parent. You bear the mental scars of matrinarc’s abuse.
Thank you SA.
I am glad that you address this subject about egoistic narcissistic parents putting pressure on a child to succeed, playing favourites (Golden Child) and triangulating them with their siblings in order to fuel themselves because this happens all the time but most people do not seem to notice it at all. TV shows about competition among young children should be banned. Although many people realize that this is wrong, it does not surprise me that they do not know anything about narcissism.
In your article you showed empathy for Olivia, Joshua and also for the two sisters competing against each other. It seems to me that you are able to understand the feelings of other people. But Matrinarc did not have any empathy for you at all.
The word ‘genius’ has always been overused by narcissists. They love to speak about their children as if they were gifted or talented. They mean that this talent is a gift some people are born with. Some years ago I wanted to know if such a thing like an inborn talent actually exists or if it is something acquired through hard work over the years. It was interesting to know that the talented people I found information about had been put on pressure to succeed by at least one narcissist parent when they were toddlers, starting at age 3! This fact is not mentioned by their narcissistic parents, though. They will say that their children are geniuses who were born with this gift. Some of these famous Acons became narcissists but others did not.
I can understand the comments that people made about those individuals (certain readers expressed their opinions about it, thus they framed the observation but based on experience I can understand it although I feel nothing).
AHHHHHH. ding ding ding. Did I just connect the dots? Never knew wth ACON was. Googled it once. Thought meh, must be a another slang British thing.
A CHILD OF NARC #winning #notwinning #iamanacon
You can have some of my feelings. There are ample. And why I am “jealous” of narcs. They carry on tra-la-la. Even your own primary pain you don’t feel. I feel THAT. And all the present. Future too probably. I have a bigger picture grasp of course. Empathy I suppose. It all sucks. 4everyone.
HG I have seen this so many times in the sport I was involved in, especially being one of the judges. The parents were horrible! There were times that we would actually have to stop the competition because of a parent fighting or arguing with another parent or judge! The poor child many times not having a clue as to what was going on or not really wanting to compete at all, but was being forced by a parent! I often wondered why or how they could act like that? My children competed and if they didn’t want to that was their choice. To them it was a time to meet new people or see old friends they had not seen in awhile. It was also a great learning example in which they could watch different styles and learn the politics of the sport! Thank you for writing this article it was one that was most needed and should be sent out for the world to see! Thanks to you I now realize what some of those parents were! A wonderful article as usual!! Xxx🍻 Cheers!
Thank you FM1T.
Excellent. The guy seems to be an N.. only Ns see children as their extensions… I think.
I just read this……
Reading this brought back memories of why I was punished, what I went through…why I stood up for what was right so long ago.
Sometimes anger can be a motivator to. Anger at what has been done, what is being done. Anger at the lack of knowledge, and turning a blind eye. Seeing yet not facing the truth.
Ok I know little anger management is need for me, yet I know how to use my voice and Pissing me off usually triggers it. Just needed the right button pushed.
Thank you HG I had faith you would do that!
Twilight, stay classy and beautiful as you are.
Let’s save the fuel for the man whom, matters the most on here, HG!
HGT#1F
Thank you that is kind of you, lately I haven’t been, I have been rude and condescending, and angry and very frustrated. I don’t like feeling that way. My behavior has been unacceptable to me, to voice my opinion based on facts and truth is one thing, yet to voice it from frustration and angry is another. Where one is constructive the other is destructive.
Sometimes I wish for silence….to be alone in a world that is so loud.
Twilight! I can tell you’re feeling low. We need to cheer you up because you always reach out to do that for everyone here.
I used to watch Laverne & Shirley growing up. Do you remember that show? Whenever one was sad, the other would sing the “High Hopes” song. So corny… but here goes girl…
“Just what makes that little ol’ ant, think he can move that rubber tree plant? Everyone knows that an ant can’t, move a rubber tree plant. But he’s got HIGH HOPES… he’s got HIGH HOPES.”
Cheer up and treat yourself to something nice just for you this weekend!
Never heard the verse to that one! I’ll join in and sing it too. Let’s all try to let go of things that pull us down this weekend and focus on things that energize and raise our spirits. We have beautiful fall-like weather here. That’s what I will focus on. And praying for people in the path of Harvey – hopefully that’s none of us. And if it is, that all it will be is a bunch of rain and an exciting story to retell later!
Clarece
I wasn’t allowed to watch that show. Yet your message is clear and I appreciate that, thank you.
The song made me smile Remembering a time when I have sung it.
Hi Twilight! I’m so glad you knew that song. I knew that was a shot in the dark, but yes the sentiment was there. Tuesday nights growing up were “Happy Days” (with the Fonz) and LaVerne & Shirley after. Lol
I hope the weekend is good for you and things seem brighter.
Sometimes we all need someone to tell something is off and hit the reset button.
Hugs!
Clarece
I have gone back to read you comment again, as to I was in route to a store I had to open this morning.
I really do appreciate you reaching out to me. It means more then I could ever convey with words.
Anytime Friend!
@HGT1F…We on this blog are TERTIARY…. HG dos not derive (but minimal) fuel from TERTIARY sources, which YOU are, which we ALL are. Saving “fuel” for him is irrelevant and wasted. You need more private consults, apparently. The things you say are showing that you are not learning, understanding and applying…. and that is the purpose of this blog and HG’s “Tudoring”.
This was upsetting to read: The biting cold of snow under my feet as I was made to stand outside our house by MatriNarc in December until I could recite all three verses of Keats’ Ode To Autumn from memory and without mistake when I was 9 years old,
I got really pissed after reading that, and then really sad. Sorry she did that to you.
When my daughter got her summer homework packet I threw it into recycling and told her summer is for fun, not homework. Those poor children deserve better.
I meant to say that as well HG that your mother was a douchebag to do that to you 🙁 wth is wrong with people?
Narc affair, HG’s mum might have had similar or worse as a child too (oh… I hope I’m not being over emphatic tonight feeling sorry for HG’s mother! Emotional day for me today). Each person has their own story. It’s really sad. I know my greater has his own and my heart absolute breaks for him. I know some of them might not be true but certain ones I can definite sense is true.
The only one I don’t get is my mid range, I can now see how one of his parent has narc-like behaviour but none of them are really narcs as I know all of them really well. How he ended the way he is and always craving negative fuel and being pretty much like a psychopath is beyond me.
Hi bliss…i do get that the cycle quite often repeats itself ftom narc parent to narc child but HGs mum is still a douchebag for doing that to a child. Animal and child abuse really get to me.
So it should, narc affair. I agree. Going after someone defenceless and weaker is despicable.
But she would’ve been a child too when something happened to her. Pointless speculation on my part. Maybe she’s just that way as my narc ex is. Absolutely nothing abusive or traumatising happened to him, it’s just how he is.
At least HG doesn’t intend to procreate. Instinctively I knew not to have children with my ex-narc too. But he threatened me with divorce so I gave in. Should’ve known it wasn’t going to end well, whether if I had children with him or not. Oddly I would gladly have children with the greater. I don’t know if it’s because my instincts are completely shrouded by how much I love him.
This was a painful read. I don’t watch shows like that. When I was a young child, I was horribly and painfully shy – to the point that I was physically sick every morning at the idea of having to go to school. Yet my parents pushed me into spelling bees and talent contests and would drill me for hours every night when I was as young as 6.
The worst memories of my life were of having to go on stage before an auditorium of people. I quickly learned to lose class competitions on purpose to prevent this ever happening again. My parents disappointment was hard to accept and long lasting. I realize that was when I went from white to black, from golden child to scapegoat, from their pride and joy to a loser in their eyes.
For many years I wondered how they could have done that to me – forced such an obviously shy child into such high stress, public situations? I know now that it was never about me. It was always about them. And they probably had no idea what a nightmare they were inflicting on me since they had no empathy.
Hi windstorm…im so sorry your parents did that to you. I have pushed my children to do things a bit out of their comfort zone and its paid off but when i say a bit i mean that. Id never force them to do something they were so against and mad them feel huge anxiety. The reason ive pushed them to do acting, dance and other extracurricular activitues is bc i was just like you painfully shy and reserved and i wasnt encouraged to step out if my comfort zone. Its only as an adult im now pushing myself to expand on these areas.
That all said my daughter is a lot like me and i respect her boundaries and stop pushing if its not for her or its not her thing after trying something. I also tell her im proud of her for trying and thats all you can do in life is try new things and decide if you like it or not.
My mother favored my brother bc he is extraverted and always the social butterfly. He loves the limelight and is the comedian. I was the person who hid in the background and didnt want the spotlight. Oddly enough tho i loved dancing on stage and never felt shy performing in that way but she never put much praise into that. I earned my allowance by keeping house and looking after my brother to pay for my dance classes.
Windstorm,
I’m really sorry that you had to go through that. Despite everything you went through you have soooo much character…
I personally find your warmth, empathy, intellect, insight, and perspective extremely admirable.
Id love to see how this parent with the trophy treats his son behind closed doors! I bet hes nasty to him 🙁
Most likely but of course it will be seen as ‘discipline’ and ‘in his best interests’
I honestly can’t believe that this shit is allowed on tv. I’m so disgusted – I have no words. The psychologists who consigned this shit should be ashamed of themselves.
The show should be called “how to effectively fuck up your child.”
Yup, you got that right doc.
The kind of parents mentioned in your article …no joke…makes my body cringe.
Gross and disturbing.
Here is an idea…
Stop living through your kids…
A similar flavor of that bullshit can be seen with those pageant moms.
::shudder::
Those pageant mums disgust me!
narc affair, I know one. Kinda odd.
I disagree with you. If the children are able to handle being on television then that should not be a problem based on each individual. Coddling is not helpful. Are you against child actors as well because it is essentially a similar concept? Additionally some children may want to be on TV without the parents’ pressure.
It is not purely about being in television. It is the competition and the intense pressure that these kids often (didn’t say always) endure from their parents. The television aspect compounds the pressure and it can be very psychologically damaging. If they don’t get a question right that would be very humiliating for a child especially to experience that humiliation Publically.
There sense of self-worth and overall self-esteem could be damaged in many ways.
There is nothing wrong with being a child actor as long as the parents don’t push ridiculously hard and try to live through the child.
Many of these parents see the children as extensions of themselves – representations of their failed aspirations and force the child to achieve what they always wanted.
A lot of these kids feel as though they need to be what their parents want them to be in order to be lovable… to be worth anything at all.
It def has to negatively impact the child’s development of his/her own identity.
Dr Q
Yes it does. And when you choose or are unable to be what your parents want, you can feel end up feeling unlovable your entire life.
Encouraging your children to follow their interests builds confidence, but forcing them to follow yours can destroy it.
A child is an extension of a mother and a father. It is the biological branch creation from 2 people. If the parents wish to live vicariously through their child, I would not deny them the pleasure. As I stated previously, preferably, without physical, mental, emotional abuse. I never said abuse does not affect people but one cannot eliminate certain performances on hearsay and zero evidence. What you consider abuse may not be abuse in other cultures. Have you witnessed how Chinese parents instruct their children in the early years of a child’s life? Do you know why they do so well in school and still are able to function normally in a society?
Regardless, if we followed your ‘feelings’ on the matter, then any televised or non-televised event should be abolished. Let’s start with the Olympic sports where many children compete from a very young age. To name a few including gymnastics, equestrian jumping, diving, synchronized swimming, swimming, which I enjoy watching very much. Non-Olympic sports – chess, mathematics competitions, spelling bee, poetry recitals, singing, dancing, instrument playing or otherwise and others. With one sweeping comment you have destroyed thousands of children’s dreams in sports, entertainment and academia because one parent may or may not have abused their kid.
I reserve my ‘shudder’ when I hear of child slavery, prostitution, child genital mutilation, rapes, constant beatings and constant put downs, child transgenderism to name a few.
I don’t recall seeing any children competing in televised Olympics Sniglet. There is no doubt that children are pushed with regard to those sports and I was also pushed and pushed very hard when I was a child across various disciplines. The point is that televising it adds something additional.
Sniglet,
Just a few observations. You made a very broad statement when saying, “Have you witnessed how Chinese parents instruct their children in the early years of a child’s life? Do you know why they do so well in school and still are able to function normally in a society?”
To me, reading that, it seems way to broad of a statement and is only looking at the Chinese from a limited standpoint. There are so many variables that go into a persons life. You are making a statement that just address what people see from the outside. you cannot say what goes on on the inside of these people.
From what I am understanding that HG is saying, he is not saying that kids shouldn’t have the opportunity to participate in these events, which I agree with you can be very beneficial, he is using this Dad and family and this specific television program to bring light to the fact of what narcissistic parents do to their children and the affects it can have on them when in a competition like this. And any other parent that pushes their child into these competitions seeking their own agenda with no regard for their children’s well being.
I though it was an excellent way to demonstrate and solidify what he writes about.
I was replying to an earlier post about any televised or non televised event/s.
Oh really? The little people preparing for gymnastics in front of an audience from age 3 are not classified as “children”? Non-televised children’s events also could be held in front of an audience in an auditorium. All eyes on them. That can create something extra but it does not make for a shuddering thought or cancellation of the competition all because one parent decided to steal the limelight. What about chess, spelling bees? Many competitions have children starting from a young age. I was also pushed early on to do well in many disciplines and I have decided to and partly naturally am able to take responsibility for my own actions and not blame everybody just because somehow I felt discomfort as a child. And you know why I can do it, because all of the children around my age in the society I grew up in were in the same position as I, meaning it was the norm and incredibly competitive. One failure would have ruined my and my family’s entire reputation over an extended area at that time. Now that would have been embarrassing.
We live in times where being televised and recorded is the norm. To make it seem unusual and a burden is unrealistic. As someone called it “gross, disgusting, shuddering” – oh, come on! Either the wrong terminology had been used to describe these competitions or the writer is disingenuous or just weak.
Obviously our opinions differ, which is fine because I know I am right.
You have validated the point of the article.
Indeed!
Great blog and an eyeopener as a parent. Wow id not watched this show but reading about it nauseates me! So wrong allowing siblings on there for starts. What parent puts their children on a show to compete against each other!?? Oh thats right a narcissistic parent does! The fact the psychologist walked out speaks volumes. Its a very unhealthy environment. As a parent i do get that sometimes one child may be more ambitious than another. My son has huge dreams of being an architect while my daughter struggles with her future hopes and what she would like to achieve but i try never to place one above the other. They are both different in their own right and i allow them to develop in their own way. I love them as they are. Many of these parents would scoff at me and say im doing my children no favors by not pushing them to excel but i have in a healthy way and not beyond to gain attention from any achievements which is the case on this show.
If a child is highly driven to succeed by their own choice then i see nothing wrong with them being on talent shows but its the parents responsibility to teach them healthy competition and to realise you wont always win but true winning is from within yourself. Feeling good about what you achieved regardless if you won or not. Enjoying your talent and the gift youve been given not from the fame its resulted in but the talent itself why you enjoy it in the first place. The children that are doing it for the parents i feel so sorry for bc it will set them up to lose their identity and resent their parents in the end. Shame on the parents entering siblings bc theyre ruining their family unit!
Ive seen narc parents and one stands out so clearly. I met her first day of kindergarten her daughter in french immersion. Our daughters were playing in the playground and i initiated small talk with her. She had her nose in the air and told me how talented her daughter was and how she will find it boring in school bc she learns too quickly blah blah blabbety blah…i ended up walking away shaking my hurting head. Fast forward to grade 6 her daughter has excelled at pretty much everything and her mum is always there with a fat smug grin on her face much like the man featured in this blog. How much is from her daughters desire to achieve vs her mothers im not sure but her mother clearly is in the limelight soaking up the character traits from it.
Ive also seen this of mums in my daughter’s dance academy. The mothers set their daughters up to be the best and get all their dance grades, enter competition and audition for everything under the sun. Theyre there every night of the week in every dance class…what of their school work? Their down time to hang out with friends and be a kid aside from dance? Where will dance get them in life? Most will never go on to become professional and where does that leave them?
I shake my head at these parents what theyre doing and their motivation and intentions its clearly not for their child but its for them. Its to fill their gaps in life. Its very sad and the child will know no difference until theyre adults and hopefully learn how it impacted them and seek help.
Thank you for that most useful contribution NA, it is useful to see a perspective from the other side of the fence in this matter.
Yw HG and ty for posting this! I find these blogs not only help me deal with narcissism but also be a better parent! 🙂 we can learn so much from each others experiences.
He looks lizard like to me.
I watched this show once a few years ago……initially I found it to be enthralling and mesmerising. As the show progressed and the parents became more involved, there was a niggling thought that something was out of kilter and I became increasingly uncomfortable watching it. I distinctly remember one parent arguing with an adjudicator that her child had in fact given the correct answer……that child subsequently replaced the other child who thought and had been told, he had won the round. When a child gets an answer incorrect, the camera often is directed to the parents of the child that has just given the wrong answer. Those images were the ones I found unnerving……..I could not help but wonder what those kids went through on their way home in the car, or at home, once they had failed in the competition and those cameras were turned off. After reading this article my feelings of discomfort have just been justified. Diva
I have a photo of me on my graduation day and my mother has stepped in to clutch the top of both of my degrees to hold them for the camera, with a smug grin on her face.
If I didn’t let her do these things it was violence or verbal abuse.
However I was used to rolling my eyes and distracting myself with another activity or devaluing her.
A concise and instructive example Violet.
Painfully aware. Captain Obvious is actually necessary. People do not see this. No clue. If not accepted and applauded. Ugg. Aware. Not genius. Genocide. At birth. Legal abortion. I am Olivia btw. In that story. Grotesque.
And how does being ‘Olivia’ make you feel TZ?
Furious
Empty
Dead