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16 thoughts on “The Narcissistic Truths – No. 119”
I revisited Fuel for this one: You wrote that, “fuel equals power equals control equals fuel. The fuel gives you the power to control the devices that provide you with fuel. It is a remorseless cycle. The construct is the prison that confines the creature and you need power to maintain the construct.”
You need absolute control to generate fuel; your instincts (to survive) dictate your actions. You are your own dictator. (my mood is pensive)
It is a paradox. The narcissist needs to be rigid and controlling so s(he) can protect the false self, which acts like a suit of armour (defense). Control is vital in maintaining this bogus edifice so the true self is shielded from obliteration. The narcissist (the ultimate pretender) never wants to see the creature. It is a vicious cycle.
Interesting. Could you elaborate, HG?
This is one of my favorites bc it really sums up not only narcissism but anyone who is trying to control someone or something. If you try to control it ends up controlling you bc you can ultimately only control yourself fully. People who are controlling spend a lot of energy doing so and its ultimately controlling their lives to feel they have to do this to feel at ease in life.
A friend on fb who is quite successful wrote a book on this very thing. He said it wasnt til he let go of everything and walked away that life came to him. Good things came to him once he started living his life properly and let go of what didnt matter and was grateful for what did. Narcissists fool themselves that success and controlling their environment is happiness but its not true happiness bc none of that you can take with you when your times up. Legacy, love, integrity, memories those are happiness and self sustaining.
HG your success fits into that bc youre helping people and that you can feel good about even if it wasnt your motivation. You can look back and know you did something meaningful and turned a disorder and dysfunctioned past into something meaningful and helpful to others.
Hmm… Again, I guess that it is a General Truth, not a Narcissistic Truth exclusively. Anyway, no matter what, it is a Truth.
“Power tends to corrupt, and absolute power corrupts absolutely. Great men are almost always bad men.”
-Lord Acton 1887
Just had an email from the ex, he’s worried about getting older (he’s 50) and having waning fuel supply from reading between the lines. He talked about not behaving like he had done during his last 20 years. Could he be ‘growing out of’ the narcissism as he looses the ability to control?
My exhusband is much more appreciative of his fuel supply. He is 61 now. He’s still just as much a narc and I don’t think he could even say the words about becoming a nicer person without breaking out laughing. 😝 But he is a nicer person now. He’s still not nearly as nice as a normal person, but he’s less intentionally abusive. Even old narcs will gain in wisdom – but they’ll never grow out of being narcs, IMO.
Will the REAL puppet master please stand up…
One day, your Dorian Grey face is gonna fall off and you will have to face your own feelings, followed by the brokenness that you’ve created for yourself,,
So it’s you who’s the loser!
*Dorian Grey mask
Haaa that’s what I used to tell my mother! I said “if your parents were so mean to you, why would you keep reacting to it?” And she said one day I’d understand love. I thought it was the definition of madness.
Now I understand, you get a child to do that by threatening their life, abusing them so badly that it’s compliance or psychosis. Depriving them so badly they have no basic human needs met and have to start lying to themselves. Start acting their way out of death.
As I interpret it:
The lack of self fueling makes the narcissist controlled and dependable of assuring ( by controlling)the provision of fuel sources.
HG, this makes me reflect if:
1. the fuel comes just from the power felt by controlling( regardless of the source of fuel it is about ) ,as long as it provides negative or positive fuel?
2.or if the fuel comes from the emotional(negative or positive) responses of the victim. If this is the case: what would happen if the fuel comes spontaneously without having to control the sources of supply?
The fuel comes from the emotional responses. If it is provided and directed at us, even if we have not done anything to provoke it, it remains fuel because it is directed at us and is about us.
Thank you for your answer HG. I was thinking more in terms of how much is the need of provoking the emotional answer v.s. the fuel coming spontaneously ( without having to provoke it). I guess that this depends on the effectiveness ( quality,quantity,proximity, way of delivery) of the source of fuel regardless if the emotional reaction is provoked or not? But it seems that the spontaneous reactions are not good enough with time..so there is always a need to provoke them sooner or later?
If it is provided spontaneously, that will suit us because
1. It shows how much under our control you are (you are functioning just as we like) ; and
2. It does not require us to expend energy.
If it is not provided spontaneously then we will apply the relevant manipulation to gain the fuel (+ve or -ve).
” If it is provided spontaneously, that will suit us because:
1. It shows how much under our control you are (you are functioning just as we like) ; ”
If it is provided spontaneously then is just the opposite of being controlled ( according to me). If you define control as :” the power to influence or direct people’s behaviour or the course of events.”
You have us ” functioning ” as you wanted but if it comes spontaneously from us ,we are not being controlled by you…
Being able to cause spontaneous emotional reactions is more to me a healthier interaction not based in control..
As in contrast with i.ex.an instinctive reaction caused by fear ( as a defence mechanism)
So, what is your definition of control in this context?