Should I Get In Touch With The Narcissist?



The creation of anxiety and uncertainty are twin concerns which we engender in much of what we do. Both have the effect of stopping you from doing things, preventing you from analysing matters in an effective way and ultimately from helping yourself to escape our hold. One way of doing this is through the Prior Warning Silent Treatment. Now, it is our usual fashion, when applying a silent treatment not to tell you what we are doing. If it is a Present Silent Treatment, we remain in close proximity to you but we do not speak or respond to you. You soon realise that it is a silent treatment but you were not fore-warned. The Absent Silent Treatment is where we absent ourselves from your presence. We may just walk off, we may leave as expected but then stay away or we may just not turn up when expected and it often is a short while before you realise that you are being subjected to a silent treatment, you just think initially that you cannot contact us or we must be busy and it is only later that you realise we are giving you an  Absent Silent Treatment,

The Prior Warning Silent Treatment relies on telling you that we do not want you to contact us but it is still not immediately obvious that it is a silent treatment that is being meted out towards you. Consider these phrases, for instance: –

“I will be in meetings all day so don’t contact me.”

“I will be sleeping so don’t call me. I will call you when I am ready.”

“There is a poor signal in the area so I will be incommunicado for most of the trip.”

“I need some space for myself, so please don’t get in touch. I will ring you.”

“I have a lot to do today so don’t call or message me.”

They all seem like legitimate reasons for not being in touch for a period of time but when uttered by us what we are really telling you is,

“Time for a silent treatment and I wonder how long you can cope with it?”


The timing of this Prior Warning Silent Treatment is the key to recognising it. First of all, it is less likely that we will say the things above during the seduction unless they are actually true, but there will be a Comforting Caveat attached to the statement. Accordingly,

“I will be in meetings all day so don’t contact me, but I will pop out and give you a call when I get a chance, because you know how much I miss you.”

“I will be sleeping so don’t call me. I will call you about 8 o’clock. If you haven’t heard from me by then, do ring me.”


“There is a poor signal in the area so I will be incommunicado for most of the trip, so I will find a landline on which you can reach me and will let you know what it is as soon as I can. I wish you were coming with me. I hate being apart from you.”


“I have a lot to do today so don’t call or message me, until 1pm please unless of course it is an emergency, but I will message you when I can because I miss you.”

Notice how there is no talk of needing space. This is because we do not want space from you during the seduction, far from it. Indeed, we will reluctantly accept an enforced absence from you during seduction and if possible try to re-arrange appointments and the like to ensure we spend time with you.

The Prior Warning Silent Treatment is doled out during devaluation and when there are specific circumstances. We do this when we know that you have concerns that we are interested romantically in someone else, that we are spending time with someone else and our motives (and theirs) are unclear. In essence, when we are triangulating you (although you probably will not realise this is what is happening) we will issue the PWST. We do this because it enables us to wield power over you by telling you and controlling you in terms of whether are permitted to engage with us. It also means that you are told there will be a silence (although you won’t necessarily know that it is a silent treatment) from the beginning. We know this will cause you to wonder whether the silence is real and thus your anxiety will begin. You will feel uncertain about whether we really are non-contactable and whether we are doing something else. The problem is, we know you only have a suspicion and nothing concrete.

Accordingly, when you know we are apparently uncontactable you wonder who we are with and what we are doing. This makes you anxious. This provides us with fuel even though we do not witness it because we know how you will be feeling. We know that: –

You will be toying with messaging us to see if it is received

You will be toying with messaging us to see if it is read

You want to ring our mobile to see if it actually rings

You want to ring from a withheld number to see if we answer and if you can discern any background noises

You check our social media profile to see if there have been any updates there when we are supposedly unable to contact anyone.

You are torn between wanting to get rid of the anxiety and find out what is really going on and the risk of getting it wrong and upsetting us. You fear that we have an interest in someone else and we are actually spending time with them. If you do not do something, this time is unchallenged. This other person may not know about you but if you get in touch with us and make yourself known, then you are laying down a marker to the other person and possibly warning them away from us. You will also find evidence of us having lied which you will want to use against us. At this stage you have no desire to be rid of us. On the contrary the devaluation is such that you want things to work out and return to the golden period again, but you cannot stand this uncertainty. You wish you could make a decision but what if we have told the truth and you interrupt us in a meeting? Not only will we furious with you, we may well hold it against you in the future (you are damn right we will). But then again, if we are with someone else and perhaps we know that you suspect and you do nothing about it, we might think you do not care and do not want to fight to keep us? It is quite remarkable the effect uncertainty and anxiety can have on someone who is being made to feel steadily more and more insecure.

All the while we are drawing fuel from this. If we have told the truth, we gain fuel knowing you will be anxious. More likely it is a lie and we are either with someone else or just wanting to be away from you. In either instance more fuel is gathered and we exert our control over you by this Prior Warning Silent Treatment. You have the dilemma of whether you should contact us. What would you do?

212 thoughts on “Should I Get In Touch With The Narcissist?

  1. Tappan Zee says:

    HG– wth. “in real life” you would sneer… this is reality. we are real. out there? psssssssh. =^..^=

  2. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD. says:


    That sexual situation you described sounds like HALF hot to me ….

    Maybe it depends who it is? lol???

    All I know is that generally speaking that would piss me off…

    Im very particular – there is like a specific flavor of dominance that I find sexy.

    1. Jenna says:

      Doc, i agree. It depends who it is.

      This non-narc ex is v loving, called every night for at least an hr for yrs, says he’s ‘addicted’ to me just like his cigarettes lol! He’s v posessive, which i liked. He doesn’t like anyone touching me, not even hugs frm my mother 😂 not that i followed that. He used to buy me the sweetest gifts. Whatever he bought for his mom eg. watch, he would want me to have the same. I bought him a gift a few times only. One of those times, he said he didn’t need it, and that all he needs frm me is to give myself to him lol!
      He’s just v bossy! 😂

      He makes me feel v special. I wouldn’t comply like that for anyone else. I never did it for ex-narc.

  3. I don’t like the silent treatment. I heard all his excuses. The reasons he couldn’t text me back. I’m busy, was in a meeting. My phone was on the charger in the other room. I was out of town and there isn’t any service out there. I have prior arrangements. I am with my daughters. I am in court being investigated, I cannot speak to my former students until the investigation is over. Deleted from his Facebook, but not blocked. I ignored all these red flags because I thought maybe he was just being shy. Maybe I was coming on to strong. So I just continued sending him texts and emails telling him how wonderful he was. Sending nudes. But not anymore. It’s been 7 months. Every once in a while the thought of contacting him crosses my mind. But I don’t want to give him the satisfaction.

  4. ava101 says:

    Hello HG,

    if you saw online profiles of guys who stress the fact that they are
    – so helpful in everyday life and even try to find time on the week-end for charity work of some kind
    – so great, and fit, and advanced in Yoga
    – live vegan
    – vegan because no being should be harmed
    – honest, dependable, etc.
    – meditating all the time
    – helping others in their jobs, and make so much of an impact (even though one of them works in the automobile industry) …
    – they all have fantastic pictures of themselves, showing muscles etc.

    … would you think that they are saying those things just as I would say them, and are genuine or that they are posing?
    But how could they have known that someone like me would come along?
    How do you distuingish your empaths from pontential narcissists / psychopaths???
    What would you ask them (online)?

    Thank you.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      I would regard this as advancing a facade.

  5. Cc says:

    I unleashed a supernova on him that has me back to fearing for my life. He’s so stupid he verbally threatened me twice. I’m finally done. I didn’t sign up for this shi*. Maybe I can do it this time. You’re not so bad, hg. Someone who is so honest about himself has to have a humble heart. You give yourself away.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      And that is precisely how I continue to succeed CC.

      1. I think HG is amazing! What I learn here is second to none.

        However, he has been very clear that his main purpose isn’t to help us. It is a very lucky consequence for us. He has been repeatedly clear about what he is – and I admit I sometimes have to remind myself of that 😦 (not someone with a humble heart, etc.). As he states, thinking he is otherwise is how he continues to succeed.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Thank you W.

      2. C★ says:


      3. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD. says:

        Uh oh.

      4. You are welcome H

  6. HG Tudors # 1 fan says:

    Strongwendy, thank you. In all actuality, you are not old enough to be my mother. I am on my way out to see my mother who is on hospice care at the moment. I will be playing a 80s ballad of music for her, from Pet shop boys to the Fixx, but mainly Depeche Mode, which was her all time favorite band. Hopefully, I will be able to enjoy the concert coming up in two months, because to be quite honest, I will be on the hunt for ,HG the whole time I am there.

    1. I’m so sorry to hear your mother is in hospice :(. It is rough. I went through that with my dad when I was 26. I know she’ll love the music :). Hang in there!

      1. HG Tudors # 1 fan says:

        Sorry about your father strongerwendy. It is not easy watching your helpless strong mother waste away from cancer, and knowing there is nothing you can do about it. My mother is in her last stages. We are keeping her well fueled, which I think is keeping her alive longer.

        1. You are on a tough path right now with your mother’s cancer. And, since you are here, must have also lived through the horror of a relationship with a narc.

          That’s a lot.

          Be kind to yourself, keep hanging in there and don’t forget that you are always stronger than you think.

      2. Jenna says:

        Wendy, i’m sorry to hear abt your father. I went through the same with my grandmother. It is very difficult to see them in that condition.

        I am sure he is watching you from above and smiling, because you are ‘stronger’ (‘strongerwendy’). We can take comfort knowing that they are in a better place. It is far better up there than it is down here.

        Warm wishes to u. 💗

      3. thanks Jenna.

    2. Jenna says:

      Hgt1f, i’m glad to see u interacting more w others now instead of mostly w hg. I am v sensitive and i felt hurt when pple would comment towards u, and u would reply not addressing them, but instead praise HG as being the most ‘kissable’ on planet earth, reply stating that u have so much in common w HG such as thai food, depeche mode, etc. Maybe i should not be so sensitive. I will try to work on that.
      I have no prblm w you praising HG. But i am glad u r now replying to others.
      I pray that ur mother has the best care possible.

      1. Yolo says:


        Hate to bring you back to this post. I missed a lot of the comments. You asked me to expand on minions. I was referring to the ex as “it” 😊. I am on other sites daily for different reasons most are not blogs. The ex and his minions are members of one of the sites. Recently, I posted HG website on one of my posts and now they are here. I know it might seem I am being paranoid but he recently posted a video directed towards me. The minions are following HG and I am sure they are learning what they are dealing with.

        The best way to win this current situation is to ignore the bloggers. You are not here for their purpose and don’t allow them to derail your progress. I too get emotional at times but I am learning to say fuck it and put a period behind it.

        1. Jenna says:

          Hi yolo,
          Sorry for the delayed reply. Ur ex’s minions r here? Ohhhh!!! Pls be careful.
          Yes, even i am learning slowly, to try and not be so sensitive and ‘put a period behind it.’ I am making gradual progress.

    3. abrokenwing says:


      You just have to look for 6ft1 , blonde, blue eyed handsome guy , smelling of Creed Millesime Imperial and wearing TM Lewin socks!
      This should narrow the search .🕵🏻‍♀️
      Have fun ! 😁

      1. HG Tudor says:

        Someone pays attention ABW!

      2. HG Tudors # 1 fan says:

        abrokenwing, omg you’ve met HG before, I am so jealous. Joking, looks like we pay attention to the marvelous HG Tudor. Five stars to you. I will have my eyes wide open, and sniffing around for Creed cologne, those full luscious lips, light blue TM Lewin socks, with the navy blue toe, and heel.

      3. abrokenwing says:

        HG T#1F,

        Ha ha , yes we do… although for slightly different reasons !

        I’m very sorry about your mother… This must be a very difficult time for you..

      4. Sniglet says:

        Oh, HG provided details of the brand of socks he wears? If I revealed to the world that I wear Carine Glison or Guia la Bruna lingerie, that would be too private, so I won’t.

        Was the size of his socks revealed or are they a one size fits all, perhaps his shoe size given? Hmmm?

      5. abrokenwing says:

        Size of his socks was not revealed as far as I’m concerned although HG T#1 may have more info as she read all of his books.

        Do you have a certain rumour about man’s shoe size in mind Sniglet ? 😉

        1. C★ says:

          HG is size 11(shoe,) not that it matters, or does it?

        2. Jenna says:

          Abw, she has not read all his books. She is lying, in addition to other lies. If she had, she would contribute something more valuable in the comments section than what she does.

      6. abrokenwing says:


        11 !?
        Of course it does. He can play golf with his hands behind his back!

      7. abrokenwing says:

        I’m sorry! 🙊 Just joking! 🙃 Girls talk !

      8. Sniglet says:

        AWB/ The rumor is that shoe size correlates with intelligence. HG’s discourse is deep and meaningful which is a sign of high IQ and potentially a large shoe size.

        C★/ Yes. It is not the ship that matters but rather the motion of the ocean. Let knowledge float your boat.

      9. abrokenwing says:


        Shoe size correlates with intelligence? Hmm..🤔
        This rumour must have been spread by Nike corporation to boost their AirJordan’s shoe sales.

    4. Twilight says:


      If I ever decide to see a concert it might be Depeche Mode, I have never been to one.

      Enjoy your concert if HG is there and he wants to be seen you will know. If not you will never spot him and not enjoy the concert because you will be distracted for no good reason. Now if he is there and wants to be seen then distraction is understandable and that would be more enjoyable then any concert. To sit and speak with him in person…..

      1. Twlight, you will definitely get your moneys worth. They put on a phenominal show. Just ask, HG. abrokenwing, it has been the most difficult time i have ever experienced in my whole entire life. My mother is resting peacefully now. My mother just so happens to pass away the date i met the Lesser a few years ago. Crazy!

      2. abrokenwing says:

        HG Tudor #1Fan,

        I’m so sorry….
        You’ve got so much on your mind and your heart right now..
        Wishing you moments of peace and comfort..

    5. Thank god for pretty pictures of roses.

      1. Jenna says:

        Thank u for the compliment.
        I’m sorry about ur mother.
        Let’s concentrate on ur grieving process.

      2. Jenna says:

        I’m extremely sorry abt ur mother. I have gone through the same w my grandmother suffering frm cancer. Her final stages were so difficult. I would be so worried i would become nauseous.

        During this traumatic time in ur life, i request that u do not lash out at me. It makes me sad. In fact, i am crying right now. 😪

        I honored ur request to upload my profile pic though i was terrified to no longer b anonymous in front of potential pple here associated w ex. I was shaking when i uploaded it.

        As soon as i knew u had seen it, i later replaced it with the rose (back to anonymity which i am more comfortable with).

        Rather than acknowledging my efforts towards u, u attack me ‘thank god for pretty pictures of roses.’

        I feel like quitting the blog but i won’t. I have learned not to be weak over the past year.

        This originally started because i thought sniglet is male (due to past flirting by Love), and i felt ‘he’ was being partial towards u. I also felt it subconsciously promotes comparison and competition, which was sadly evident in ‘i’m the real genius.’

        My highly sensitive nature brought me to stand up for others here which i have come to care about. Because, I see beauty in everyone who is kind. There is beauty outside where there is beauty inside.

        I feel so sad😪 but no worries. Pls just concentrate on ur grieving. Thank u.

    6. Sniglet says:

      HG Tudors # 1 fan – stay strong through this difficult time, and hopefully you have good people around you that you can rely on.

      1. HG Tudors # 1 fan says:

        Sniglet, I will, and thank you.

    7. narc affair says:

      HG tudor fans and wendy…so sorry to hear about your losses. Ive had many loved ones pass on from cancer. Its terribly difficult to go thru and my heart goes out to you ❤

      1. HG Tudors # 1 fan says:

        narc affair, may your loved ones Rest In Peace. Watching your loved ones suffer, and knowing there is nothing you can do to help them, except keep them medicated, so they can rest peacefully, was a extremely traumatic experience that no one should have to go through.

        My mother was trapped in her own body suffering. It was horrible to watch her in her in that state.

        I brought up the topic on narcissist, and how my mom had this disorder. No one in my family knew why my mother would behave like she did until I explained everything, HG Tudor taught me.

        HG, you helped my family, and me tremendously. We want to send lots of love, and a huge thank you from all of us to you.

        Sincelery, sealed with a kiss

  7. Kim michaud says:

    This thread was funny I have no idea who the people mentioned even are

    1. Windstorm2 says:

      Me either, Kim! Or any of the music! Bliss mentioned Let It Go and I almost commented that it is my very favorite song – but then I realized she probably doesn’t mean the Frozen one! 😝

      1. Kim michaud says:


      2. Bliss says:

        I did mean that one, Windstorm2. 😊 I’ve got a little one who won’t stop belting it out. He’s my wee empath. 💙

        1. Windstorm2 says:


  8. Bliss says:

    Might start listening to Depeche Mode. Maybe I am easily influenced. 😕 Makes a change from Calvin Harris and Let It Go (unfortunately still a hit in my household)

    1. HG Tudors # 1 fan says:

      Jenna, have another consultation with, HG. Get to know this magnetic, charming, roguishly handsome young man. My hero! Hope you have a wonderful day.

      1. Jenna says:

        Hgt1f, again, pls refrain frm telling me what to do. However, since you brought it up, i will be booking my 8th audio consult very soon. Hope u do the same. Take care. And i sincerely mean that, take care.

  9. narc affair says:

    HG…your writing is definitely not fluffy or lightweight!

    1. HG Tudors # 1 fan says:

      Sniglet, ignore the nonsense. it is obviously you are a female. Anyone with brains can see that by reading your posts. Ignore the ignorance.

      1. HG Tudors # 1 fan says:

        Just two more weeks until the best band on earth plays. I can not wait to see Depeche Mode. Elizabeth Hurley was my mothers favorite and Depeche Mode was her favorite band as they are mine. The song Precious and somebody, are both great songs.

        1. Stripped
        2. People are people
        3. everything counts
        4. Never let me down again
        5. Precious

        I loved the performance of “Somebody” Martin Gore did with the return of Alan Wilder.
        I had no idea the song “Precious” was about Martin Gore’s divorce, HG.

        1. Cheers to your mother! I’m an OG Depeche Mode fan too (and I figured I was old enough to be your mother…technically… 😊 I’m 49!) And have a great time at the concert… keep your eyes peeled, HG could be there… I think he’d attend all of their concerts if he could.

          1. Jenna says:

            Strongerwendy, u do not look 49! Take 10 yrs off dear!

          2. You are too kind 🙂 thank you Jenna

      2. narc affair says:

        Enjoy the silence is my fav 🙂

      3. HG Tudors # 1 fan says:

        2 more months until Depeche Mode is in concert, not 2 more weeks. I have not slept much as of lately.

      4. Jenna says:

        Hgt1f, my reply to Sniglet:
        “When u commented abt clarece and Love’s beauty, Love replied playfully by stating that she’ll give u her number. I believe Love is heterosexual. U did not reply indicating that u do not need her number because you are female and heterosexual. So i assumed u r male. My apologies.”
        There was some playful flirting btwn sniglet and love so i mistakenly thought sniglet is male.

      5. Jenna says:

        “Anyone with brains…”
        Again, it would be nice if u r a little more diplomatic in ur responses. It was an honest mistake on my part. I have put fwd reasons for the mistake, namely that Love wanted to playfully pass Sniglet her number and she is heterosexual.
        Thank you.

  10. Jenna, Firstly i don’t have much cleavage to show to begin with.
    Secondly, where is your photo? I want to see your face.
    Thirdly, I find it kind of creepy, and embarrassing, in regards to your name change, which did not go your way because it was just plain out humiliating, and as you saw, no one cared.
    Aren’t you here for HG anyways.

    1. Jenna says:

      Hgt1f, first of all i am not jealous.
      I would rather see ur face than ur cleavage, which is at the forefront of ur pic. Show us ur pretty face! We can barely see it. The last pic where u were wearing the pig snout, we could barely see ur face either, as the snout was so large. But alas it’s ur choice.
      My photo is not here for anonymity. I fear my ex’s niss’s may be here and if she recognizes me (one niss’s friend is a common friend) then my whole story will be exposed to her. I don’t want that. However, if i did upload my pic, u would not be displeased. Maybe i will do it later today for a short time so u can see me, then remove it.
      My name change was there for a reason. I have been hurt by u attacking others here that i care about, so i decided to give u a small dose of ur own medicine. At the same time, i did not want to hurt u, so i chose the name change as it is quite benign. It was not intended for others, and i am glad nobody interfered in that.
      It is evident that u are only here for HG because when pple direct comments towards u, u are evasive and reply by stating how ‘awesome’ hg is instead, how ‘kissable’ his lips are, etc.
      We all know he is spectacular. He has helped us all. His writing style is uncomparable. He is creative, artistic, intelligent, well spoken, articulate, polite, courteous, patient (here), dedicated, driven, and don’t get me started abt his voice!
      But i am here not only for HG, but also for the lovely pple here. He has created a virtual world, which is my second home, and i am very comfortable here. Thank u HG! I have told him in the past that i owe him my life.
      However, u seem to interact mostly w HG, and not others. It is fine. It is ur choice.
      In fact, tbh, i am actually happy u r finally interacting w me. That was one of my goals. I just request that u be a little kinder and not attack others here. Pls consider it. 🙏
      … am waiting for a lovely pic of ur face if u wish. I am probably going to upload my pic soon, so stay tuned!

      1. Jenna says:

        I am having technical difficulties uploading my pic. I am doing it frm my phone – maybe that’s why. Only a corner of my face is in the viewing field and it can’t be shifted. Anyone else have this prblm?

      2. Yolo says:

        Okay, Jenna its time for shopping Therapy. 😊BTW, I believe the article HG mentioned his lips in was the one about kissing. Don’t worry yourself about missing posts you can always do a few H.G. binge weekends to catch up. H.G. is very quick to correct any misconceptions that would lead others to believe he’s been with anyone on this blog. I actually found one comment very disturbing and nauseating. You dont need to prove yourself i bet you are beautiful inside and out. There’s a minion of the idiot on here I posted HG site where he has minions and it lead them here. Providing things like location and a few other things allowed it to figure it out.

        Happy Labor Day😊

        1. Jenna says:

          Happy labor day to u too yolo! And thank u for the compliment. Yes, shopping therapy! Excellent idea! I bet u’d b fun to shop w!
          Minion? Pls do expand if u will!

      3. Jenna says:

        I finally uploaded my profile pic. I had to do it frm a laptop. Damn wordpress! I’m a little nervous. I hope to god my ex’s niss’s are not here else i’m dead! 🙏

        1. C★ says:

          If you were truly afraid, you wouldn’t risk it. Be fierce & fearless! Good for you!

          1. Jenna says:

            Thx c*. Actually, i was honoring a request by hgt1f to upload my pic. I usually try to honor requests put forth towards me in my personal life also. I try to b v accomodating towards others. It is a downfall actually, as i am naive sometimes, esp w ex-narc lol.

  11. Tappan Zee says:

    I don’t have “hobbies” either. It’s not a narc thing. I HOPE. My XN had hobbies (other than sparring with the world, securing fuel, spiraling abuse, etc) It was a full time job (being a LMRN) but he did and does have hobbies. When he is not fucking shit up. Primary hobby for sure. There are a few other back burner ones.

    1. Bliss says:

      I have no hobbies. No favourite band, no favourite song, nothing. I don’t get influenced either so I don’t pick up partners’ hobbies. i just do and try various things, activities and enjoy them all. Easily pleased.

      1. Tappan Zee says:

        I have fav things. Just not hobbies. As a codependent empath wow reading yours made my eyes go wide open, what a delicious vacuous pit we must be. I liked his teams. His music. Blah. Thought I was kind, open, loving and flexible. Rather I was an elegant yet empty vessel for him to pour his poison. Their fuel. Blech. I need to empty and scour it of that and fill it to the brim of MY wants, likes, etc. I know. So empath-y.

  12. Peekay says:

    HG you may be a Narc and I clearly have a bad track record with your kind…but Depeche Mode is a grand choice in musical interests! You must fast forward through ‘Somebody’ …when you listen…far too empathic and deep for you.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Ha ha, if you listen carefully though it is actually a selfish song and one built on cynicism especially the line “In a case like this I’ll get away with it.” The song is actually about saying to somebody “I want all of those things because it makes me sound good to the listener yet the reality is I just want to seduce them and I can tell in this instance I can get away with it because they are naive etc.” If you want a song of DM’s evidencing empathy, try Precious. People think it is about the environment, it isn’t, it is about how Gore felt he and his wife should consider the situation and impact of their divorce on their two children.

      1. Peekay says:

        Ahhh…then it is the perfect Narc song …I guess my interpretation makes me a sitting target!!

        I will check out Precious…thank you HG.

      2. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD. says:

        Precious is a kick ass song …

        Love it

      3. HG Tudors # 1 fan says:

        I am going through with drawls HG, not being able to hear your voice.

  13. malo says:

    So many games! So many manipulations! So many uncertainties!
    After realizing that I spend almost my whole life around Narcs I came to a conclusion (I wish I had this epiphany earlier in my life). Hire a Private Detective!!!
    Early in any relationship!
    Without telling anyone!
    Regardless attitudes or ethics or trust or anything. Just do it!
    It is a safe way for us (the empaths/co dependents etc) to protect ourselves from the predators.
    We cannot fight all these manipulations (if we want to be honest here) so one visit to a P.D. will be lifesaving.
    Just a thought!

    1. Or you could just read HG’s book for a fraction of the price.

      I’m 100% certain I wouldn’t fall into this kind of relationship again. I’ve learned too much, and the education was painful. I’m sure it’s the same for you and the others on this blog. Chin up Missy, we’ll all be fine… eventually?

    2. Yolo says:

      I personally couldn’t see myself wasting my money for a.private detective for a narc. A narc doesn’t care about evidence of their infidelity or any thing else. In most cases it could cause more damage. You have the evidence he denies it, you are more confused especially if you’re not aware of what you are dealing with.
      Our gut feelings are usually right, but we choose to ignore because we are trying to gain the understanding of a robot.

      1. I agree with gut feelings (I just wish I had listened to them). But you can also do an online background check. Things like arrest records, debts owed will show up.

  14. malo says:

    So many games! So many manipulations! So many uncertainties!
    After realizing that I spend almost my whole life around Narcs I came to a conclusion (I wish I had this epiphany earlier in my life).

    Hire a Private Detective!!!

    Early in any relationship!
    Without telling anyone!
    Regardless attitudes or ethics or trust or anything.
    Just do it!
    It is a safe way for us (the empaths/co dependents etc) to protect ourselves from the predators.
    We cannot fight all these manipulations (if we want to be honest here) so one visit to a P.D. will be lifesaving.
    Just a thought!

    1. Alexissmith says:

      What if the PD is an N ?

      You’d be much better off to keep reading and re-reading HGs articles. Eventually you’ll be able to see them all coming.

      1. malo says:

        Hi Alexissmith,
        I don’t think it matters if the PD is an N. They are professionals and they are doing a job not a seduction.
        Reading HGs articles is liberating and a very good lesson for us to protect ourselves indeed, but unfortunately if the N plays the game of the Golden Period well, there is always the risk to get hooked.
        One of our disadvantages is that we can not live in a misty state. We need trust to get along with people and that is dangerous.

  15. Aurora says:

    If ever I feel anxious like that with anyone again…it’s time to high tail it outta there & go no contact.
    And begin the recovery process all over again.

    1. HG Tudors # 1 fan says:

      Jenna, remember I am HG Tudors #1 fan for a reason, which means, I listen, and remember everything he has said. I tune into his live sessions, I have read all of his books, and I continue to consult with him. I never once said I met HG, or made it look that way whatsoever. Stop assuming. Open up your ears and listen. Now you understand why I have the title of his #1 fan.

      1. Jenna says:

        Hgt1f, firstly, it is not your place to tell me what to do. Pls refrain frm doing so.

        Secondly, u have stated that hg has “roguishly handsome good looks” implying that you know what he looks like. You have also described the appearance of his lips in the past as being “full” and “plump.”

        HG is correct. I pretty much knew that u had not met him (though i was starting to have some doubts), but i was trying to prove that point.

        HG u rascal! U r a genius! U know me that well!

        Basically hgt1f, you are contradicting yourself when you say that you have “never made it look that way whatsoever.”

        Thirdly, this is not a competition to see who has read the most books, listened to the most live seminars, or consulted w him the most. Why can u not understand this?

        I think i am wasting my time. Have a good evng hgt1f.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          I would point out that I have made mention of my looks and lips in writing so one can readily pick it up from the material that I have written.

          1. Jenna says:

            You have stated that you are 6’1″, have blonde hair and blue eyes. Have you revealed anything further that i missed?
            I don’t like missing this kind of information.

            Have you stated that your lips are full and plump? If so, can u pls direct me to that article. I am sorry i missed it.

          2. I believe it was the one called Kiss me…er…not that I’m paying close attention or anything… 😉

          3. Jenna says:

            Wendy, thx! I will read it again. Some days when i do not have time to keep up w all the articles, i try to read as many as i can quickly, as i would rather do that than miss any. I think ‘Kiss Me’ was one such article.

      2. Bliss says:

        StrongerWendy, you should not have mentioned Kiss Me… It will take me a few days to get over it… all over again. 😉

  16. shantily says:

    Such ridiculous child’s play but effective correct HG? I can remember how I used to try to turn the tables and give him one word answers and ignore him with my read receipts on…….two hands in the air thank God I am free of that shit ….how insane is it that I am no longer at war with someone who was supposed to be my best friend and confidante? I would actually try to outmaneuver and one up him on his bullshit moves how sick is that ??? Mindfuckery & stupidness and I used to play! One more reason to thank the Universe for removing him from my life.

    1. Jenna says:

      Beautiful pic shantily! And i love the dress! 💗

      1. shantily says:

        Thank you !!! it’s been less than month and he has a new girlfriend so I’m revealing who I am I’m not covering for him anymore ❤️

        1. Jenna says:

          Wow! Reveal away! Excellent shantily! 👏👍

    2. C★ says:

      its a game of strategy, shantily… know it for what it is (was)

      1. shantily says:

        It was bullshit who wants to play time robbing bullshit games anyway 👋🏼😊

  17. Kim michaud says:

    I always pictured you as the Hugh grant type especially with the hg name

    1. HG Tudor says:

      No, I am not foppish, although hats off to Hugh for pulling Liz Hurley.

      1. Bliss says:

        I can imagine you as a male version of Liz Hurley, hot, scary, fascinating. Although presumably you are by nature a skilled actor, a talent she lacks.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Saucer of milk for Bliss!

      2. Bliss says:

        Oh bogoff! Meow! Perhaps I’m just jealous of her nose! 😆

      3. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD. says:

        I heart Elizabeth Hurley…(obviously look at my gravatar lol)

        Superficially of course…

        I don’t know much about her only that I think she is absolute physical perfection and is sexy and elegant…

        I remember when I saw her in Austin powers and bedazzled I wanted to look just like her… stunning….

        1. Jenna says:

          Doc, u r as stunning as liz hurley, since the topic is brought up. U had ur real pic here b4. Like i said, u r beauty n brains!

      4. Kim michaud says:

        No idea what foppish means but Hugh grant is hot as hell

      5. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD. says:


        That was so ridiculously sweet – I have the biggest smile on my face right now 😁

        Thank you for making me smile…

        I don’t recall you ever putting a picture up or I missed it cause I’m spacey lmao – but I’m sure you are just as attractive or even more so – you are very lovable!

        How old are you by the way I have this image of you in my head lmao!

        I have mental images of some people…

        Also where are you located … are you in the US… if so what state ?


        1. Jenna says:

          Doc, yw! I do consider myself attractive lol!
          I am trying to upload my pic but only the corner of the pic is appearing in the frame and it’s not allowing me to shift it. Maybe i’ll try frm my laptop. I would put it up for a short time only becoz I have a paranoid fear that my ex’s niss may be here and might then figure me out.
          I live in the u.s. Do u?
          I cannot tell u which state becoz of the same above reason. 😫
          I want to tho.
          Nor can i answer ur other question for the same reason. But i can tell u this – i am older than u. However, my ex mid-ranger is abt ur age – late twenties lol.

    2. Sniglet says:

      Why do women have this fascination with Hugh Grant? He is average looking. Liz Hurley is pretty but her nose was detracting from her other beautiful facial features. If you had to pick someone on this site who is good looking and if the photos are real then HG Tudor #1 fan is better looking than Liz H.

      The Hemsworth brothers, Chris Pratt, Blake Shelton are some examples of what would pass as handsome men.

      1. HG Tudor says:

        I suspect most people were not looking at Ms Hurley’s nose when she was with Hugh Grant.

      2. Jenna says:

        I love channing tatum. 💗💗💗💗

      3. Jenna says:

        Sniglet, i am assuming ur male? When i see hgt1f’s pic, i can barely see her face. All i see is cleavage. Is that why u find her attractive? Because let’s face it, her face is barely visible.

      4. Sniglet says:

        Okay. How divine?
        Hugh probably noticed it later on.

      5. Sniglet says:

        Jenna – I am female in all my glory but I can appreciate beauty in the masculine and feminine forms. 100% heterosexual here – women cannot replace men.

        1. Jenna says:

          Sniglet, thx for clearing that up. When u commented abt clarece and Love’s beauty, Love replied playfully by stating that she’ll give u her number. I believe Love is heterosexual. U did not reply indicating that u do not need her number because you are female and heterosexual. So i assumed u r male. My apologies.

      6. Kim michaud says:

        I adore Hugh grant

      7. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD. says:

        Elizabeth Hurley is stunning!!!!!!!

        Beauty is in the eye of the beholder I guess lmao…

        I even switched my own picture to hers lmao 😂

        I like to switch it on up lmao

        1. HG Tudor says:

          I have sometimes wondered why it is necessary to “change it up” rather than just “change it” or “switch it on up” as opposed to “switch it”.

          1. Jenna says:

            Hg tudes, it is colloquial. My cousin who is in university uses it all the time – “i need to switch up my hairstyle everyday so it doesn’t get boring” she says. I have an idea! How abt we all talk in colloquial english for a day as it seems the tudes would like to attain that residual benefit frm us lol!!

          2. Jenna says:

            Hg tudes, i am gonna talk colloquially now. You say “i have sometimes wondered why… ”
            Wonderin abt somethin means u r not empty. U r pensive, deliberating, thinking. I will always believe until my dying day that ur void/beast/creature isn’t as empty as u think it is.

      8. Jenna says:

        Sniglet, you commented in a previous article that mla clarece and love are the prettiest here. Now you’re comparing liz hurley w hgt1f. Why are you doing this? It subconsciously promotes competition here, which is evident if u read ‘i’m the real genius’ article and the heated comments. Why does it matter who is the prettiest? Beauty is inside and outside. I do agree that clarece is beautiful with her gorgeous blonde hair and bright blue eyes. I agree that Love has a spicy enticing look to her. But the others that have put up pics – jody allen, robin, sues, stronger wendy, star, 12345, indy (for a short while), narc angel (for a short while), windstorm, and some others who i can’t recall right now, are all beautiful. I request u not to do this, as the female spirit is competitive with one another by nature, and u r only encouraging it more.
        I care abt looks too. My ex is hella hot w a body to die for. But more importantly, i was attracted to him initially for his moral compass (tho i later found out it’s a facade), his kind nature, his gentle demeanour, his focus on excelling in his career, and the importance he gives to religion.
        So i once again request u not to compare the ‘prettiness’ of readers here. Thank you.

      9. Jenna says:

        Oh, and shantily too.

      10. Jenna says:

        I have an idea sniglet. Upload a pic of urself here. Then we women will compare u with all the men out there. And it must b ur real pic. I dare you.

      11. Sniglet, you sure do know how to say the right thing. You genuinely made my night. Thank you so very much. I totally agree on your line up of men by the way. You have great taste. In fact, all of the men you listed above have roguishly handsome good looks like, HG.

        1. Jenna says:

          Hgt1f, u stated “… all of the men you listed above have roguishly handsome good looks like, HG.”
          That means u have seen HG? You lucky lady!

          1. HG Tudor says:

            No she hasn’t and you know she hasn’t.

          2. Jenna says:

            I kind of knew she hasn’t but i was starting to have my doubts (another borderline trait) because she also commented on the appearance of ur lips in the past.

          3. Jenna says:

            Btw, i like ur direct tone w me!

          4. HG Tudor says:


          5. Jenna says:

            Means more directness coming my way?!!
            I’m excited!!

      12. Sniglet says:

        Jenna – what? hahaha. ‘.. did not reply indicating that u do not need her number because you are female and heterosexual. So i assumed u r male. My apologies.’

        Thanks for the apology and the heads up. To clarify things – I do not always go back to read replies to my comments because there are just too many comments to sift through and simply do not have the time to read them all. Sometimes I cannot even find what I’m looking for in the short recess that I get in my daily life. My routine is fast paced. Using the search functionality on this site for “Sniglet” does not work for me either.

        Love was joking and I would have laughed it off and moved on to read more of HG’s articles. I take nobody’s contact details and don’t give out my own on websites. My interest on this website is purely for the knowledge imparted by HG’s wonderful stories, his point of views and experiences as a narcissist/sociopath.

        1. Jenna says:

          Sniglet, if u set up a wordpress account, u will receive replies directed at u only. Haha, it’s funny Love was flirting w u and u did not even know it! Again, my apologies for assuming u r male. I am sure u r a v beautiful female!! 💗

      13. Bliss says:

        “Btw, i like ur direct tone w me!”

        I saw HG’s response and that scared me! Lol! I used to provoke my latest narc non-stop in this manner.

        Ahhh…! Light bulb moment. Perhaps that’s why the latest narc devalued and discarded me so quickly. Loved it when I challenged and got that tone from him! Only him though, not sure why. Mystery solved I guess.

        1. Jenna says:

          Bliss, I like a man who is domineering. Looks like u liked that in ur ex too?

          My ex mid-ranger is not domineering in the least. Ironically, my non-narc ex b4 him is v domineering. He used to say ‘u don’t need to think too hard; just give urself to me.’ I used to melt lol. U may think he is a narc, but trust me he is not. He is very emotional and loves me immensely until this day. And he never pulls hot and cold, ever.

          This greater named HG TuDoR is very very domineering. I am intrigued.

          1. I don’t think of directness as domineering. I think of it as efficiently communicating – doing away with pretense and bullshit.

          2. Jenna says:

            Wendy, very true.

            But if a male is direct w a low voice and strict tone, i feel it also comes under the category of domineering. I say that because my non-narc ex (b4 narc) has a baritone voice, is very direct w a strict tone and is v v domineering. Examples of what he used to say to me:

            ‘U don’t have to think too much; just give urself to me’

            ‘Leave the thinking to me’

            ‘If u love me, u will not complain if I %*#% too hard’

            ‘U don’t have the right to decide abt the fate of this relationship. We do that together’

            ‘U were late in coming online and kept me waiting. Don’t EVER keep me waiting again.’ (I still did it many times if i was running late lol)

          3. Jenna says:

            More non-narc ex domineering phrases (warning: 1st one x-rated):

            Him: get down on ur hands n knees so i can f$*k u
            Me: i don’t want to
            Him: just do it
            Me: then i can’t look into ur eyes
            Him: i’ll make love to u afterwards the way u like
            Me: but… I won’t b able to see u
            Him: use a mirror
            Me: ok

            Him: say it
            Me: i don’t feel like it
            Him: sometimes u have to do things u don’t feel like
            Me: i really don’t feel like it
            Him: say it
            Me: i love u
            Him: i love u more

            When i tried to break up w him:
            ‘U cannot stop me frm loving u’
            holding my arms w a tight grip while laying above me on the bed

            I absolutely loved it – so masculine!! He never physically abused me, if that’s what it looks like. He is just bossy lol!

            Also, he is not a narc. He never blew hot n cold, no silent treatments, no blame shifting, gaslighting, deflecting, etc. He is very emotional abt me. He still contacts me and loves me. I don’t love him anymore tho 😞

          4. Jenna says:

            I just realized i repeated some information. Sometimes i don’t remember what i wrote b4. Sorry.

      14. Sniglet says:

        I’ve never logged into my WordPress account. There is a problem with my login and to get it fixed I need to answer a questionare and contact them directly. I have no patience for that.

        1. Jenna says:

          “I have no patience for that.”
          Haha ok sniglet!

      15. Sniglet says:

        Jenna – Request denied. Resubmit shortly for further disapproval.

        1. Jenna says:

          Sniglet, “Request denied. Resubmit shortly for further disapproval.”
          Do u mean wordpress is giving u this msg? I am confused…

      16. Bliss says:

        Jenna, am I being that obvious?! Blush… I think that’s why I’m mainly attracted to narcs although this one is different because he is aware that he is one, a narcpath and he took it a step further. I didn’t stand a chance.

        Interesting, strongerWendy, how you read it differently (to me and Jenna too possibly) and that you saw it as just being direct. For me, it made my heart pound and I remember having that a lot with my recent narc. No wonder I got so addicted to him.

        1. Jenna says:

          Bliss, haha no need to blush! You’re so cute!
          Some women like domineering men. I’m one of those women. But i will never tolerate domination in bed like peace out’s somatic (spitting, strangling etc.) nor do i tolerate physical abuse. Hit me once, and i’m gone. Fortunately, it’s never happened to me.
          I love a firm hand grip, and a strict voice tho lol!!

      17. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD. says:


        I just like read your sexcapade post more closely and holy hell he should thank the lord above that he never met someone like me. I swear…if a man ever…said that to me (turn around so I can’t see your face – or something to that effect) I would have told him to go fuck himself. I’m hoping that all of that was like role playing…

        You should have told him to shut up and make himself useful and eat you out so you could imagine someone else doing it…

        Wow this dude is ridiculous.

        1. Jenna says:

          Doc, he didn’t say ‘turn around so i can’t see ur face’
          He asked me to turn around so we could have sex in that position. But i wanted to see his face. His solution was to offer a mirror. 😂
          Then we did missionary 2x in order to thank me.
          This happened on approx 3 occasions. So it was not something regular because he knows i prefer missionary.

          True. His attitude is not for all!
          I personally love his dominant nature. I find it masculine.
          But i can understand pple not liking that.

      18. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD. says:


        You are such a sweet person.

        Don’t you ever… EVER let a man speak to you like that…

        I mean unless that’s your thing. If you know what I mean…

        Some women are into that kinda thing.

        1. Jenna says:


          I’m a little shaken up rn so having trouble typing, but i will try. Hence, i cannot use exclamation marks or emojis but the sentiment is there.

          Wow, u care abt me alot. I feel v special. Thank u. I care abt u too and i’m glad ur rid of the bisexual/gay psychopath.

          This ex used to give me ALOT of attention. I used to almost drown in his attention.
          If someone is that kind to me, i want to give back.
          In fact, we talked abt that position over the phone b4 the actual event. He was practically begging for it. So i was already prepared. Other than those approx 3 occassions, we only used missionary position because he knows i prefer that.

          He is major type A personality, and extremely busy, yet he used to call almost every night for 1-2 hrs for yrs, even if it meant sacrificing his sleep. He is CEO, founder, and owner of his own engineering recruiting company, and an engineer himself. He has few employees and takes care of most issues himself including recruitment, payroll, employee health insurance, maintaining ties w sprint, at&t, verizon etc. He had to work round the clock in order to keep up w everything. He never had an evng off, yet never neglected me.

          Domineering, yes at the face of it. But deep down he is very emotional.

  18. Kim michaud says:

    Well this is one thing I’m able to control I never contact him first when I’m getting a silent treatment it’s kinda funny at first they always lasted exactly ten days then they started lasting exactly 28 days then they went to 7 weeks I’m now going on six weeks if he contacts me at seven weeks it will be so funny that he’s so predictable

  19. Bliss says:

    I would tell him his decision not to have any children is the right one. What a tosser! Reading your blog always reminds me that I am entitled to be angry with him. I shall attempt not to let it affect me in any way today.

    HG, what are you “normal” hobbies?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      I don’t have hobbies Bliss.

      1. Bliss says:

        Wasn’t expecting that! Is that just you rather than a narc trait? Narcs I was with definitely have hobbies (yes there was mirroring but ultimately their hobbies stood out far more than mine), so I’m guessing having hobbies or not isn’t an indicator. What about accents? Both narcs sound nothing like their peers whether past or present (sometimes it slips and a different accent emerge but quickly changes back).

        How about – what’s your favourite childhood game?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Seeing how quickly the fire brigade attended to the fires I started.

      2. Bliss says:

        Google says arsonists usually have low IQ. Presumably sociopaths are the exception because they do it for excitement, control and devastation, rather than pyromania?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Ah well if Google says that it must be right! I did it because it broke the tedium and achieved aims concerning people. Plus fire does not discriminate, it consumes all.

          1. Jenna says:

            Huh? I missed something? Ur an arsonist?!! 😧😰😨

      3. Jenna says:

        Ur hobbies:
        Listening to depeche mode
        Enjoying the interaction w us
        Driving your mercedes
        Keeping ur shirt collars crisp (you can say that’s a hobby or a preference)
        I think u do have hobbies.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Writing isn’t a hobby, it is part of my treatment and now becoming part of my legacy.
          Golf is just a mechanism for gaining fuel.
          Listening to DM isn’t a hobby.
          Interacting with you good people isn’t a hobby, but rather part of building the legacy and pursing my weaponising agenda.
          Driving a car isn’t a hobby. It is a device to move me places and to use for the purposes of triangulation.
          Shirt collars is a necessity.

          1. Jenna says:


      4. Bliss says:

        Including you.

        Google is not to be trifled with, it led me to you! 😊 Thanks for explaining though. Like I said, fascinating and terrifying, knowing a mind so completely different that most don’t own up to in real life.

      5. Kimi says:


        Having no hobbies makes complete sense when viewed that all your activities are geared towards obtaining fuel.

        So is the Legacy that you are creating, including this blog also aimed at generating future thought fuel (I understand you currently receive minimal fuel from your readers)? Perhaps you plan on gaining fuel from your Legacy-in-progress, until such time that you permanently deprive us and all others of your glorious presence? Or is this part of the facade building or better yet, revealing your true self to the world while generating fuel? I’m perplexed!

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Keep reading and you will see it revealed piece by glorious piece.

      6. Kimi says:

        Or is the Legacy part of the punishment you have planned for dear Matrinarc? Is fuel still the main objective with the additional benefit of wounding dear Mother?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          My legacy straddles several things which you will come to learn about as time advances, Kimi.

      7. HG, you mostly mention that you wear suits. What do you wear when not at work? 🙂

        1. HG Tudor says:

          My birthday suit.

      8. narc affair says:

        You collect empaths HG 😉

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Indeed I do, NA, indeed I do.

      9. narc affair says:

        Hi HG….writing isnt a hobby? Seriously? Dont you get deep satisfaction from creating what you write? That to me would be a passionate hobby. I. Just speaking from my own experience bc im my most happiest creating art and i cant see something as creative as writing not being a hobby youd feel very happy doing.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          No a hobby is a lightweight piece of fluff, this isn’t.

      10. Twilight says:


        If you had never started treatment many here would not have learned of things that were seen yet unseen….I for one can say you have brought an awareness to my life.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          You are welcome Twilight.

      11. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD. says:


        Your response made me laugh…

        When guys ask me “Dr. HQ what are your hobbies?”

        My response: “I do what I want when I feel like it.”

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Fair answer. If someone asked me in real life what my hobbies were I would sneer and walk off.

      12. Bliss says:

        I’m grateful you didn’t sneer and walk away (virtually) from my question.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          You are welcome, I approach matters differently in this place Bliss.

      13. Jenna says:

        “… piece by glorious piece”
        Glorious it is, and this is sooo exciting!!

      14. Newby 1111 says:

        Can’t imagine you would have much time for hobbies or much else with the time you devote to your books, blogs and videos! Can’t see that you sleep much either.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Sleep is a waste of time.

          1. Clarece says:

            Now hold up! You do things that can constitute as hobbies.
            1) Play classical piano;
            2) Play golf;
            3) You like to travel;
            4) Before therapy and the blog, you liked to write
            5) Follow your football team;
            6) You are a marksman so you’d engage in target practice;
            7) You enjoy live theatre;
            8) You follow Depeche Mode when on tour (4 concerts this last year, right);
            9) Oh and let’s not forget how much you like beer to relax (although more of a social past time). Haha

            Such a well-rounded chap!

          2. HG Tudor says:

            I’m obliged.

          3. Clarece says:

            Hahaha! Good!

          4. MB says:

            “sleep is a waste of time” I absolutely agree, but I can’t function without 8-9 hours per night. If I knew how to be healthy with less, I would have much more life to live instead of sleeping it away. I’m like the Incredible Hulk, though: “You won’t like me when I’m sleepy!”

          5. Lou says:

            Cleaning the house is a waste of time.
            To sleep is to refuel your body and mind.

          6. Lou says:

            PS: I know you don’t clean the house. Your house keeper does. Lucky you.

  20. Jenna says:

    On a more serious note, i never got a prior warning b4 a silent treatment. Maybe because he’s a cowardly mid-ranger? He would just be silent for a few days but he was always reachable via text or phone. I never texted him though because i wanted to see how long it would take him to text me. Usually he would text 3 days after intimacy. It left me confused, because my ex b4 him would text me within a few hrs after intimacy, indicating that he misses me. Narcs fear intimacy i guess. He actually ended up telling me post escape, hoover, and re-establishment of the relationship as friends, that he used to feel anxiety when we would be close physically.

    1. Laura says:

      This troubles me, as I am acknowledging all that you have written with great conviction because I know this- I know the anxiety you speak – sadly I know it all too well..And the justification of his actions or inaction- you are dead on..

      For almost two years I have known what it is to cry ones self to sleep-

      Hope has become a word, that I have grown to lose faith in and despise – I took a leap of faith and walked away from a 17 year career , my family and friends with the hope that I would be loved by the man who painted me a picture: a picture that I desired to believe in.. I moved 757 miles away from home December 30, 2015- the last time my boyfriend physically had sex with me, was January 2 2016- then nothing, and I mean nothing…

      For the last year I have slept alone, as he sleeps on the couch downstairs… I cannot remember the last time I saw him nude, as we do not shower together as we once did… I once told a friend of mine if we don’t have sex again by month six I need to leave, now I cry because in 4 months it will be two (2) years, which if it comes to pass means that 730 days would have passed with no intimacy. Although he did mention he suffered from erectile dysfunction, we did have sex prior to me moving here, he would often say that his ex- girlfriends would yell and scream at him, and he would pop a pill…I let him breath and have his space, I neither yelled or scream – but he said he would take no pill for me, as it had terrible side affects- but I held on, because before the move he said he would never give up on sex, he was a sexual man- but then I sit, sexless- soon to be 730 days…The girls at the gynecologist office cant even look at me because when I come in and the doctor asks that question- when was the last time you had intercourse- I just burst out into tears….

      Nothing is as it was….

      I use to be the apple of his eye , his muse, he would forward me songs , and poems- prior to my move we were to be married, not only did that not happened but our two year anniversary came, went and was unacknowledged. Last year I made it special, this year I did nothing- as I am angry and hurt and so fucking disappointed.

      He is not a man of word or action- and truth be told, I often look at him loving up on his cats and I get angry because he shows me no signs of attention or affection that he shows those cats. And his car- well that car has received more hand action then I ever have : endless hours are spent taking care of that car…I watch and internalize this, knowing full while that if the man would just come up from behind me as I washed the dishes and wrapped his arms around me let alone touch me- I would be on cloud nine..

      I am so damn easy to please- I once asked to be the story, now I settle to be an excerpt- how did this happen.

      I often wonder what the hell did I do in my life to live as I am – he could have tossed me so many times, but yet here I am… This man will destroy me, if I stay, but the question is–why stay….In my hearts of hearts- what is left of it that is, I know that I know there is no reason to stay…. But alas, he says that he loves me, but that, that is just the extent of it- no nights out, no renting movies that I would like to see. If I’m hungry, he will say oh I’m fine, with no concern about me..

      Yes the answers are blatantly in my face- ohyou foolish girl

      I was fit, and healthy before I moved here, now the weight creeps up, my once clear skin, well the psoriasis is showing its ugly head, when I am home, and he comes into any room I get startled and jump…My nerves are frayed.

      An appliance I believe is what you call people like me, and truth is, an appliance is what I am… I never thought you could be invisible and be completely present, now I know, you can, over and over you can.

      HG I do not find the allure in a defeated broken down anything – why would your kind desire us to be ….The horse is dead, stop kicking it.

      1. HG Tudor says:

        But the horse recovers and so we return.

      2. M. says:

        Laura, what a nightmare! And it is not just the sex. It is the whole situation , which is so horrible and sad… What DO you do together, girl? What keeps you there?

      3. K says:

        That was heartbreaking to read…I am so sorry that you are going though that. Run, go back home if you can, before you disappear into tiny little dust motes. Get angry and fight back. You deserve so much better than that.

      4. Bliss says:

        Laura, how awful. I was given best sex ever and then suddenly no more. He kept promising next week, next month, next year. I would never have in a million years thought a man would have such a hold over me, using sex for crying out loud! Must be so difficult in your position, I can’t even begin to imagine. I hope you manage to escape and recover.

      5. Yolo says:

        Laura, maybe he needed a roommate.

        From what you wrote i think you are very much alive. You are not a dead horse. More like the horse tied to the plastic lawn chair with the following caption

        “Sometimes the chains that prevent us from being free are more mental than physical.”

        Continued reading and taking advantage of the many resources H.G. offers will help you loose those chains.

      6. Tappan Zee says:

        My story is different.
        And exactly the same.
        Keep coming back here.
        Knowledge sucks & truth hurts.
        It is the ONLY way to get unstuck.

  21. Watermelon says:

    It depends on the relationship. If I’m feeling secure, I take the person at their word and don’t contact them and don’t sweat it. But that’s in a ‘normal’ relationship where games aren’t played.

    The narc never gave me a prior warning, that would be far too respectful. He preferred the old pull the rug from under me method. Nine times out of ten I still didn’t contact him. But he would send out flying monkeys to find out how I am and on at least two occasions heard back I seemed very stressed and got in touch to find out why…

    I have the dilemma of the birthday coming up, 2 months of NC (from him), I figure why break it when he instigated it 😉

    Aah the fun and games. Does it not feel exhausting always having to think ahead about what to do next to mess with someone? To me that just seems so exhausting.

  22. Evan711 says:

    Absolutely nothing…

  23. MyTrueSelf says:

    A VERY TROUBLING question. Back and forth like a pendulum I swing.
    I believe in redemption for anyone who is redeemable.
    If I do write, I would need to feel peaceful in myself afterwards. To calmly state my point of view as to what I am prepared to put up with, lay down my criteria for engaging with him any further.
    But what good will that do?
    Absolutely no good.
    What am I hoping to gain? A mature, responsible, honest and adult interaction? Atonement?
    That’s not going to happen, is it?
    So why bother?

    Back and forth I go……

  24. narc affair says:

    Nooooooo dont do it!!!!

  25. Twilight says:

    I do find it interesting that the moment I disappear I am contacted by one of his family members.

    1. narc affair says:

      Twilight….flying monkey alert!

  26. Pinkfire says:

    This is eerily accurate. I’ve been in this situation with these exact thoughts so many times..and he was always with another woman or using the freedom to acquire someone new.

  27. Jenna says:

    The man in the pic looks a lil like my dad. But my dad’s eyes r a lil more greenish. I’m starting to think my dad is a lesser narc.

    Hg, is that u – blonde hair, blue eyes? Ur kind of grandpa looking! Lol!

    1. HG Tudor says:

      That is a victim in the picture.

      1. Jenna says:

        Oops. My apologies then.

      2. Me says:

        What a lie

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Seeing as I chose the picture and it is the victim who is handcuffed to the phone through indecision about whether to get in touch your comment is inaccurate.

    2. narc affair says:

      Eeek jenna…you meant is that HG’s great grandpa 😄

      1. Jenna says:

        Hehe yes narcaffair! That’s what i meant! 😄

  28. Jenna says:

    Well if that’s the narc in the pic, i would not contact him. Lol!

    1. narc affair says:


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