Forever On The Fake

 

FOREVER ONTHE FAKE

Fakery, fabrication and lies are the bricks and mortar of our existence. They are the bread and butter that enable us to have sustenance. I know that when you look back at the golden period you always struggle to understand that it was not real. You cannot fathom out how something that felt so right, so true and so real could actually be something so false. Our behaviour seemed so genuine. Our declarations of undying love so moving and emotive, how could this be a façade? Yes you thought occasionally that we were a little over the top but you found that endearing. The reason it seemed so genuine is because our performance was so convincing. This performance was of such a high calibre owing to two things. The first because we have practised repeatedly and we possess experienced ease at mimicking the behaviour of others. We have done it so often and to so many people we do it without thinking. And there is the neat segue into the second reason. We do it without thinking because we believe it to be absolutely the right thing to do. We are not concerned that we are exhibiting a false front to you. We are not troubled by the fact that all our smiles, kisses and pleasantries are manufactured. Not only are we not burdened by this because we are not designed to be burdened by such concerns it also because we have the complete and utter conviction that behaving in this manner is the right thing to do. We need to seduce you. We need to ensnare you and what better way to do so than by this campaign of love and desire? Where is the harm in that? We get you where we want you, we receive dollops of delicious fuel and you feel loved, wanted and placed on a throne at the top of a pedestal. It is a win- win surely?

Does it really matter that your bag is a fake Louis Vuitton? It holds objects, feels the same and looks the same, so where is the problem? That Blu-ray disc is not a genuine licensed film but you can still watch it all the same with next to no deterioration in viewing pleasure, so again, what is the issue? Our fakery works for you and it works for us.

Our façade to the world of being charming, reliable and wonderful despite that particular mask being removed behind closed doors again is just a necessary device. How does it matter that friends and family are conned? They like me, they admire me and they believe me so where again is the harm in that? Yes, they may not believe what you have to say about me based on my façade but that is your fault. If you had kept up the flow of fuel this would not have to happen. Everyone else out there is in blissful ignorance and you want to change that. You want them to see what you claim is the real me. Why? All you will do is upset and alarm them. Is it not better that they remain shrouded in the illusion, content and unaware,rather than be subjected to the concern and worry that you seem intent on burdening them with? Why must you project your problems on to other people?

Even when I denigrate and berate you this too is merely manufactured. I do not really mean those horrible things that I say and do. I just do them because I have to. I have to keep you in your place, under my control and spewing out that negative fuel that I crave so much. If you had kept up the supply of decent quality fuel I would not have to say these things to you to provoke a reaction. I only do it because I must, I do not mean any of it. Even when you ignite my fury my hateful words and spiteful comments through this explosive fury is only based on a necessity to protect myself from your awful criticism of me. I do not mean it, it just has to happen. Do you understand now why it is not my fault? There is no real intent behind what I say and do, they are just merely actions which serve a purpose to ensure I get the fuel that I need.

From my seduction, through to my façade to everyone else and even my devaluing of you, it is all based on a fabrication. A necessary set of illusions required to preserve my existence. No matter who I deal with, who I interact with or who comes within my sphere of influence, I roll out the lies, the untruths and the perfidy. Everything I say or do is manufactured but I have an utter conviction in the necessity of this manufactured process so that this, couple with an absence of conscience or remorse enables me to churn out the lies and illusions like a factory production line.

I am always on the fake. And that’s the truth.

51 thoughts on “Forever On The Fake

  1. liu says:

    “That Blu-ray disc is not a genuine licensed film but you can still watch it all the same with next to no deterioration in viewing pleasure, so again, what is the issue? Our fakery works for you and it works for us.”….A movie. No problem. A fake purse. No problem. A fake emotion…Problem. It doesn’t “work”, because its not real. We give real emotions back, real energy, we form a bond, we give you our TRUST and SOUL… we TRUST that the narcissist does sincerely have our best interests at heart. But the narcissist doesn’t, he has no soul (or is completely detached from it)…and therefore can’t empathize or care for our soul. He just makes us dependent on him to suck our energy further like a vampire. Once he devalues us and withdraws, the bond becomes even stronger as it turns into a trauma bond…. so the fakery does work, but not how we expect it to…it doesn’t lead to a loving connection, it leads to an addiction, the destruction of our soul and is therefore a trap.

    1. Windstorm2 says:

      Liu
      I agree. Fake emotions are like a knockoff watch that looks identical to the real thing, but doesn’t keep the right time. No one can tell it’s not the real thing at a glance, but if you look closely, you can see it’s time is off. And while pretty and possibly envy-inducing among those who dont know, it’s completely unreliable and no fit substitute for a real watch.

  2. ava101 says:

    HG,

    “Even when I denigrate and berate you this too is merely manufactured. I do not really mean those horrible things that I say and do. I just do them because I have to.”

    This is kind of good to know and comforting and on the other hand even more horrible. C-PTSD for nothing.

    But – don’t you lean a little into the direction of victim mentality here … ?
    Just wondering.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      All narcissists have some element of the victim about them.

      1. ava101 says:

        Now you’ve surprised me. 🙂

        1. HG Tudor says:

          I’m full of them.

      2. ava101 says:

        🙂

      3. narc affair says:

        Thats why theyre entitled im sure. In their mindset theyve all been wronged so they are entitled to what is owed to them.

  3. Ali says:

    yes, the love was fake, the caring was fake, the attention he gave me was fake, the words from his mouth were fake, his confidence was fake too. The promises were fake, the illusions he showed/told others also fake. and when I smartened up, I learned to be fake towards him too, to blindside him as I broke free. I picked up a lot of junk behaviors in the escape but I don’t regret what I had to do to get out of there. Those junk behaviors can be unlearned or I can learn to use them only in certain situations to protect myself from other narcs if I have to.

  4. Anne says:

    They don’t mean the horrible thing’s they say? The rages, the devaluation, the abandonment! It’s never their fault! It’s always the victims. If i wouldn’t have done this, or that. Even my broken heart is my fault! Crazy ex that just lies!

  5. Jenna says:

    Him: fake it til u make it

    Me: why fake it? Just be truthful. It will be less exhausting for u

    Him: there is a very thin line btwn my truth and my faking it

  6. K says:

    Fakery 101: My narcs were always ass-kissing, flirting with or flattering people to get fuel and my MMRN’s mother would bake cookies to harvest people’s fuel. My ex told me to suck-up to people but I refused. All that lie-mongering and currying favor is no longer a mystery; they were all just fuel gathering events.

  7. Brandon says:

    hg – In your books and on the blog you say that mid rangers are not aware of their condition or the concept of fuel. Do mid rangers understand that picking fights makes them feel better? If I told a mid ranger I know he is just picking a fight because it makes him feel good would he know what I am talking about? I am fascinated about how conscious or I guess unconscious mid and less rangers are.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      They realise that certain activities make them feel ‘better’. If you made that comment however to the Mid Ranger, it would be interpreted as an attack and therefore he would deny what you were suggesting.

      1. Windstorm2 says:

        Ah, but if you say it condescendingly, like its something amusing that you just realized, it can stop them in their tracks and make them retreat. Often the difference in fuel or wounding is all in how you say the words.

        1. Diva says:

          “Often the difference in fuel or wounding is all in how you say the words.”

          Hi Windstorm…..I could not agree more…..I believe (and I may be wrong) that one of the reasons that narcs entertain me for so long, is because of the way I deliver my thoughts. On the face of it, narcs and I should not gel…….I am fairly sarcastic but in a gentle teasing way…..I prefer calling it banter but it is more serious than that…….I believe that my narcs may assume incorrectly that I am being witty as opposed to raising an issue that is annoying me……but as I am pretty much the same with everyone, maybe the narcs do not see my sarcasm/banter as a threat or fury ignition. However, I believe it does make them think about it and plants a seed without them getting angry and more often than not they just join in and respond back. I don’t behave like this with any major insight into a narcs mind…..it is just the way I am. I can only say this about a greater and a midrange narc though…..and from my own experience. I have a feeling however this would not apply to a lesser. I have only scant experience with one lesser…..not much more than a few texts……and even if I texted something lightly amusing to raise a point …….he did not seem to get the gist at all……he would text back…..”what do you mean by that?”…….”why would you say that?”……..Diva

          1. Windstorm2 says:

            Diva
            I agree with you. I grew up in a family of narcs and sarcasm was always evident. If you phrase what bothers you in an amusing or teasing way, they do accept it better – at least mine do.

            My narcs have always been mids or greaters. I’ve seen leaders, of course, but always avoided them. Very fortunate to have none in the family.

          2. Diva says:

            Hi Windstorm2……I remember very early on in my relationship with what I believe to be a greater narc…..he was trying to coerce me into tinkering with the heating system rather than him having to dirty his own paws!!!! He proceeded to tell me how to fix it…….he placed a screwdriver or something similar in my hand and said “all as you need is this…….” once he noticed my raised eyebrows and facial expression……..he then said “my ex wife had no problem doing it.”……………I smiled, laughed and replied…….”I am thinking maybe this explains why she is your ex-wife……it might be best you tackle this one” and I placed the metal object on the table and walked away. My response had the effect that he knew I was not likely to take up the role of the unpaid handyman and he also knew that regurgitating “ex wife” for triangulation was not going to cut any ice either. This is not to say that any of my comments were said with any great insight in narc behaviour as I had not a clue about narcs at this stage………Diva

  8. Patricia J says:

    Seen the movie “True Lies”? It should have besn called “True Narc’s”…

  9. Scout says:

    It’s the fact that narcs believe their own bs that I find frightening. I see the fake man that is my narcissist but he believes his fake persona is so real he can delude anyone. When peeps give up on narcissists they, in their sad deluded world, can’t see their real selves which leads to all that blame shifting…
    Btw, the only fake I tolerate is fake leather and fur because it prevents appalling animal cruelty. Fake people and situations are not tolerated.

    1. Jenna says:

      Amen to fake leather and fur. Skinning an animal for hide makes me sad. I don’t even buy real leather, even though some pple may scorn me for wearing faux leather.

      1. C★ says:

        I am a “faux” fur/leather lover too, Jenna… a choice based on my beliefs, not money….

        1. Jenna says:

          C*,
          An ex-friend of mine is sooo materialistic. She would never buy faux leather. I didn’t like that aspect of her. Even though their family was middle class, she would beg, plead, and cry to her dad until she got the most expensive leather jacket in the store, barely considering style.

          I’m glad i found a faux leather lover here.

    2. HG Tudors # 1 fan says:

      I am a vegetarian. In my opinion, death is the ending of life, no matter how you look at it.

      1. HG Tudors # 1 fan says:

        People will protest their love of animals, and state their belifts that fur, and leather is murder, but at supper time, the same person will be devouring a big steak dinner. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, as for myself, I find it very hypercritical.

  10. Merripen says:

    HG, can an upper mid-ranger have full awareness of his narcissism? You state there is an utter conviction in the necessity of the manufactured process, but is that only some inherent, knee-jerk instinct? I’m confused about when/how there is that “aha” moment. In an interview, you said that a girlfriend first suggested to you that you possessed narcissistic traits and after reading and research, you concurred. Before that time, you knew how you were wired and knew that you did what you did to survive, to feel better. But I am just fuzzy about that line of consciousness. Can it be drawn distinctly with type or cadre, or is it more like an epiphany?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      No the UMR does not have full awareness.

      1. Merripen says:

        Thank you.

  11. MyTrueSelf says:

    The great article aside, HG, stylistically you write this piece rhetorically – and you ask questions. Are you really interested in the answers from the point of view of non narcissistic disordered individuals?

    E.g. ” our declaration of undying love, so moving and emotive, how could this be a facade?”

    Declaring ‘Undying love’ after only a short period of time together is already a guise. Enduring love develops over time and evolves from having the maturity to moderate ones emotional responses, accept differences, resolve conflict. We assume you understand this but from your controling behaviour, infidelity and temper tantrums preceding disengagement it becomes apparent that you don’t. That is why it is a facade.

    We’ve been brought up on too many Hollywood Happily-Ever-After movies that we actually believe in fairytale love!!

    1. HG Tudor says:

      I am always interested to read people’s observations.

  12. Diva says:

    I can’t be too judgemental here…….I have done too much faking of my own…….Seinfeld – Jerry and Elaine – The Mango Episode…….I am saying no more!!!!!! Diva

  13. ;peace out says:

    oh, yes i know. they’re colossal fuck ups.

    reminds me of some political-financial systems.

    1. pasdedeux says:

      … ‘their victims’ too.

  14. Paula Sarno says:

    The problem for me is that I buy only real Louis Uitton … I had to cut the fuel …
    I am sorry …. JUST FOR ME

  15. narc affair says:

    The narc is a hologram of anything you want them to be.

  16. J says:

    Funny, I just found out my wedding ring which apparently cost him $8k is FAKE! He has been cheating on me for 4 months while working on our marriage! And apparently also casual sex with that women from the beginning!! Denying her of course! Now moved in with her and her kids…. playing house! She contacted me…. I exposed him…. even sent her screen shots! She said I refuse to stay with a cheater! I said he is very good at manipulation! Said won’t work on her! She is still there, of course! I was spoon fed same lies, he’s good! Apparently she is now pregnant with twins! Ugh. We are still married! We have wedding ring tats of each other’s initials too! Will he change for her?? I’ve talked to prior exes and his mom… seems his pattern. Having a hard time wrapping my brain around our entire 2.5 year marriage being all lies! Course it was a dang roller coaster the entire time….

    1. narc affair says:

      Hi J….ughh is right and dont fret he wont change for her and hasnt changed at all! Feel sorry for her bc she will have a loser father for her twins 🙁 shes in for a longggg road ahead!

    2. C★ says:

      Mine did something similar… we were in “reconciliation period”, though i had filed for divorce… I fell for it, dismissed the divorce proceedings, then found out all along he was living with another woman and her 3 children! all lies, all gas lighting, rollercoaster, see saw nightmare…. I still reel and go into panic attacks when I “remember”… he was a serial cheater all along too…. Now, he filed for a divorce a month ago… but is currently MIA, aftermath of hurricane Irma…. I am following through on divorce this time, he has left me with NOTHING… spent me down and then disappears…he had tat on his ring finger too, C★

      1. J says:

        C… oh my word! Sounds so familiar!!! I filled for divorce after finding concrete evidence of cheating… but he denied it of course!! Even while going to counseling and marriage classes with me!! Yet still dating her and trying to reconcile our marriage with me! And using me up for everything! I can’t believe after all the proof I gave her she is still living with him! Guess maybe she feels stuck! It’s sad cause I see how painful the last 2.5 years were… but man did I love him!!! And still do!! Or the ILLUSION!!!! Ugh! It’s a dang nightmare!! Can’t believe someone can do things like this!!!

        1. C★ says:

          J…. I never believed a lot of things until I found this site of HG’s and I am so grateful I was lead here… He (HG) is a life saver

        2. C★ says:

          Oh and you can have objective evidence to the fact and they will lie, deny and deflect. More waste of $$$ on a PI….. but I had to know (for me), that I wasn’t imagining things, as I was told I was……(gas lighting)

      2. Jenna says:

        C star, he was leading a double life. (Sometimes i wonder if my ex will do something similar in the future.)
        U r going thru alot. I’m so sorry. Stay strong.

        1. C★ says:

          thank you Jenna…. sometimes that part of me grows weary of being strong

  17. Kim michaud says:

    Is that true that they don’t mean it when they berate you anymore than they mean it when they praise you if so that’s such a big relief I don’t care if he doesn’t love me but some of the cruel things he said still bother me if he didn’t really mean them I’m now 90 percent healed

  18. Recovering Narcoholic says:

    Someone at Apple coined the phrase “reality distortion field” to describe the false reality Steve Jobs operated in. If he wanted something to happen, he believed it was possible for other people to make it happen, no matter how unrealistic the demand was. That’s what narcs create around themselves and their victims — a reality distortion field where *their* version of reality is the only one that exists.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      A good example.

      1. HG Tudors # 1 fan says:

        All people in general are fake, not just narcissist. Narcissist happen to be empty inside, they have no sense of a true self.

    2. Paula Sarno says:

      When I saw the film I hated Steve Jobss , my ex didn’ t understand why I was so horrified by this genius

  19. Salome says:

    “I am always on the fake. And that’s the truth.”
    😂

  20. C says:

    Hg couldn’t you tell me a well known figure that isn’t a narcissist please?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Oprah Winfrey, Princess Diana are two that spring to mind. I can think of a number of well-known British individuals who are not narcissists but you may not know them.

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