The Rules of Ex Club – No 32

A DISENGAGED EXIS A DELETED EX

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33 thoughts on “The Rules of Ex Club – No 32”

  1. Is this not a contradiction? I thought no ex gets deleted? If this is the case where they actually are, well that’s brilliant! How do we get placed in that pile even when we have disengaged!

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    1. If you escape, you are not deleted until such time your replacement is found, if you were the IPPS. Yes it is a contradiction, see the answer above.

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  2. As easily as his disengagement text was typed, so was I (backspaced) deleted from his life. Left alone with this amputation, I had to hastily apply my own tourniquet, to not pass out from emotional blood loss. I was in shock and feeling quite alone. Not the very best place to begin such a life lesson, but this is where many of us find ourselves starting out.

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  3. HG

    I dont understand this. The narcissistic truth number 32 States “I will never let you go.”
    I don’t understand deletion when you always say that the end only comes when one of us dies will you please explain what you mean by deleted therefore, because it implies that you do leave us alone in this particular meme.

    Personally I have always believed that at some point the end does and will come and we are deleted … and so that’s why I have some confusion with this and the narcissistic truths number 32 which appears to contradict everything I just don’t understand.

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    1. When you are the former IPPS and we have replaced you with a new IPPs, our infatuation with the replacement (and your treachery for having failed us (from our perspective)) means that you are effectively deleted. We do not consider you, you may be dismissively referenced as the crazy ex but it is as if you never existed.
      When the new IPPS is devalued, you come back into play because “we never let you go” as you are painted white once again. This evidences the compartmentalisation and contradictory nature of our kind. You of course remain ours even if we (for a period) do not consider you. Imagine a possession which you put in the furthest corner of the attic. You forget about it, but it is still your possession and then one day you remember it and retrieve it.

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      1. Ah…thanks… like a temporary deletion… this rings a bell with an old ex of mine… he was chatting somebody up and I managed to speak with this person she told me about it and said how he never mentioned me as his ex ..he had mentioned the woman before me as being his ex !! and she said I’ve never heard of you it’s as if you don’t exist…( I was engaged to him and had been with him for four years!!) This was many years ago but not my latest ex…

        Thanks HG for explaining.

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  4. HG I have indeed a problem with this one.

    During my relationship with a Narc his exes were not deleted. He might have called them crazy and sleezy and openly despised them, but he wanted them to be jealous, he wanted them to watch him and want him back. He even watched them himself – constantly looking at their social media profiles, laughing at their new dress, commenting how they’ve put on weight or discrediting their new man. Deep inside he just waited for them to text him – he’d jump on every opportunity to flirt, waiting for their admiration, showing his domination and staying in control. For those exes who stayed in NC – he googled their names, checking where they work, spying on pictures with friends and generally speaking – wishing death.

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  5. Yes I finally understand this now absolutely no attachment to us whatsoever. I couldn’t grasp this until just recently there’s no looking back on our relationship in anyway no sentiment unless we enter their sphere and even then it’s not nostalgia it’s the hardest concept to accept but that is their reality.

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  6. Hg do narcs put someone in reserve like do they hold the belief that theirs one woman they can shelve indefinitely cuz they believe they can always get her back if desperation sets in I feel like this is how he sees me

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  7. HG- In a past post, you asked us to tell you what we want to know more about but I couldn’t find which post that was so I am posting here. I appreciate you asking for feedback so I wanted to be sure to give you some. Thank you for all you do. You are truly the go to expert for narcissism.

    * more about fuel – how long can each type go without it, how conscious of it are lesser and mid rangers, how early in life do you realize it makes you feel better, how do you know you need more, etc. I have read your book but I still want to know more because it’s fascinating to me.

    *6th sphere – more about what it is, what causes it, how can you tell if a hoover is caused by that, examples of what made someone enter your 6th sphere in the past, etc.

    * If you are not sure if your ex is narcissistic or just a jerk and they want you back years later – how to tell if it is a narcissistic hoover or just a desperate jerk realizing he can’t get anyone better

    * more about mid rangers in general since most narcs are mid rangers.

    * more about how you hide your double life, do you have more than one phone, etc.

    * more about having narcissistic parents and how narcs view their own kids, family dynamic in general. How conscious each kid would be of their family being odd.

    * more about golden children – how they are picked, what it looks like, what damage they deal with, etc.

    * best way to respond to different types of hoovers – if they show up unannounced what to do to give them no fuel, if they email, if they call, if they text,etc.

    * more about the creature you keep trapped. help us understand what it is. why does it hurt so bad? Is it your parents criticism internalized?

    * more about the compartmentalization mindset – maybe examples of times you have compartmentalized people like when you pick right back up where you left off years ago with an ex.

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  8. This one is very difficult for me. He deleted our family so I want to delete (assassinate) him. Overcoming my anger is proving to be an almost Sisyphean task.

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  9. Love the imagery in this post a nun or a Muslim woman who’s face is obliterated she’s not seen anymore she fails to exist

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  10. I throw away broken toys that have no use to me anymore. I get relationship amnesia anway – it’s as if the person never existed when I find someone new.

    It makes no difference in my life if they delete me or not because truth is they serve no purpose to me anymore. If any of my exes are stupid enough to Hoover me they are met with silence or rejection.

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