Prey
We are adept at sniffing out our prey. We are able to identify those that will be of little use to us and ignoring them. We discern those who are obstructive and avoid them. We have an instinctive ability to target those who serve our purposes with the greatest effectiveness. Those who will provide us with copious amounts of fuel, those who will provide the traits that we need to steal for our own construct in order to draw others to us as to keep the creature at bay. Those who will give us the additional benefits which we regard as our entitlement, access to your resources for our sole use. The Lesser latches on to those who serve his kind once they come too close to him. Like a predator noticing the scent of a potential victim, he is alerted to your presence and makes his move, swift and immediate. A creature of instinct, he knows when there is a victim who will suit his purposes nearby and will go after that person. They may not be the best suited to his purposes but that does not matter, for now. He senses prey and will bring down this victim and attach himself to them, leeching the fuel from them until it is near empty and he will then discard and move to the next victim he has sniffed out and who is nearby. The Lesser will lurk in the most proven hunting grounds. He does not want to venture too far away. He does not want to expend too much energy stalking that prey and wearing it down. He looks for victims who are easily in reach, who he can bring down without much effort and then sink his fangs into with ease. It might be that a more suitable, a more fuelling victim, is a little distance away, but the Lesser goes for what is in front of him. He will not spend time seeking out a better victim but slays what is nearest and then moves on to the next nearest and so forth. Thus the Lesser hunts in an aggressive and volatile manner, he must seduce his victims quickly for fear of the beast within making itself known too soon and frightening his prey away. He has to camouflage his own creature and is not able to do it for too long. The Lesser will want low-hanging fruit. He is not interested in those that might pose a challenge and thus provide more rewarding fuel. He will take fuel from his primary source victims anyway he can. You may liken it to someone mine sweeping for drinks at a party. Rather than waiting to find the bottle of Grey Goose vodka hidden by the host at the back of a cupboard, the Lesser will drink the dregs of a can of beer, then swig what remains from the nearest bottle of wine and thus move from receptacle to receptacle, feasting and draining.
The Mid-Range is more discerning. He knows what he is attracted to and he will spend longer searching for it. He has reasonable intelligence, guile and ability and thus he will put this to use in order to find the more appropriate victim for him. He can pass over somebody who might be suitable but is not entirely satisfactory. Whereas the Lesser would have snatched hold of that victim, sniffing out that person’s reasonable suitability, a number of the traits he requires being met, but not all, the Mid-Range is content to stalk a little longer. The Mid-Range makes considerable use of watching from afar as he evaluates the applicability of his prospective prey. He observes, regards and reflects. He does not have the out and out confidence to go for the kill straight away like the Greater, nor is he pushed by the sense of urgency and hunger which afflicts the Lesser. He has some control and he will use this to ensure his appliances, especially those which become the primary source are the better ones. He of course is not of limitless energy and there comes a time when necessity becomes the driver for interaction and he must make his choice, but it is not without consideration and application to those traits, both generic to the empathic individual and specific to the type of victim which best accords with his own needs. The Mid-Range recognises that there is a type of person he is drawn to, although he does not know why this is. He is able to discern those traits and characteristics which serve him best and as a consequence it is those that he will apply some time to achieving. He recognises that certain traits in people afford him greater satisfaction and therefore he will look for those without knowing the true reason he does so. The Mid-Range will apply some methodology to the hunt for his prey but there is always the pressure of need which means that it may not be as ideal as he might like.
Continuing the mine sweeping analogy, the Mid-Range would not bother to sup the dregs from bottles and glasses at the part but spend time thinking about where the “good stuff” might be stashed. He will locate four cans of beer in the fridge. There might be greater rewards elsewhere but he is satisfied with this reasonable degree of quality that he has identified and does not want to risk letting his prize disappear as he gambles on trying to find something superior and failing.
The Greater revels in the hunt. The identification of the choicest victim is crucial to him. Yes, there may be times when necessity brings about the imposition of a less desirable (yet still functional) victim but when the conditions are apt (there is no fuel crisis and we are preparing for discard and are therefore in control of our environment) the Greater will spend time identifying those who exhibit many of the generic and specific traits that will serve him best. Indeed, the Greater will have several prospects in hand as he mines information about these prospects, assesses and evaluates it. Once satisfied that the signs and indications are good, he will make his move and engage to ascertain that his initial intelligence remains good. If it is (and it is usually is) he will then move in for the kill. Unlike the Lesser who will go for the jugular and bring his victim down swiftly and promptly, the Greater will utilise the intelligence that he has gathered in order to mesmerise, charm and hypnotise his victim. With dedicated application, the Greater will readily disarm his victim, disable any self-defence which may exist and have the victim exactly where he wants him or her. Like a viper, he will strike suddenly and with lightning speed he will be attached to the victim, fangs sunk deep and then the draining will begin as the fuel pumps from the unwitting victim to be sucked up by the Greater. The Greater knows what he wants and he will stalk different hunting grounds in order to achieve what he wants. He has the ability and the energy to sustain a longer hunt, or a shorter hunt where the victim may prove to be more challenging. Of course if a victim supplies the necessary traits and can be ensnared with ease, the Greater will also take this low-hanging fruit. He is no fool. However, he is undeterred by the higher-hanging fruit, that which is more succulent and nourishing in terms of fuel. He knows where to find the best victims, that is why he operates in several hunting grounds and he also is the most able of the three schools of narcissist to identify the traits in his victims. Whilst the Lesser sense by instinct, the Mid-Range knows what works for him but does not know why, the Greater knows precisely what it is what he wants. He also knows how these various traits manifest in his victims. He understands what to look for, what to see, what to listen out for and once he has seen the indicators he is able to satisfy himself that the appropriate traits exist within this target. He will then lock on and only in the most extreme of cases will he be prevented from conquering this target. The reward is too tantalising, his skill set too great and the lure of such a delicious victim proves too great for him to resist, challenging or not.
Once those fangs have sunk into the victim and the fuel is drawn, whether it is a Lesser, Mid-Range or Greater, we will remain until it comes time to identify the next prey.
71 thoughts on “Prey”
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HG, under what circumstance would an empath martyr herself to a narcissist?
Have you experienced this with any IPPS?
For numerous reasons usually linked to co-dependence. Yes I have.
Thank you HG.
Do narcissists feel the same addiction for us as we do for them? Why do they discard, sometimes, with no warning at all? What suddenly makes us useless enough to throw away and seek another? Do they stop thinking about us? Do we ever trigger any longing or desire once no contact is established?
Hello Rebecca,
1. We are all addicts.
2. Sudden disengagement – see the article 5 Reasons Why We Disengaged (Discard) – it is done without warning because we are focused on what we want, not what you want and we have no sense of accountability.
3. See article just mentioned.
4. Yes.
5. Only for your fuel, not for you and it depends on various variables as to whether this occurs.
Thank you HG! I am enjoying researching/reading your many insights. Very eye opening for me! You are a brilliant writer btw. I’m sure you are told that a lot.
I am but i never tire of being told that. I am pleased you are finding my work helpful.
Predators prey on the weak, predators never pray on someone who is on the same level them. Predators don’t like a challenge.
Predators prey upon those they perceive to be vulnerable
I do not consider myself neither weak, nor a victim. I doubt many here who have been ensnared do, including yourself.
I believed a man I loved, that is not weak. That is trusting.
It is not a weakness to love or to trust. Only a narcissist deems that to be weak.
It can be a vulnerability at times.
Which can leave many hearts guarded following.
HG ‘s work helps us remove points of vulnerability and shows us what to watch out for.
What he teaches here, is invaluable for us all.
Analise13
I completely agree with all you said.
Thank you Windstorm2, I appreciate that.
I do not regret loving or giving trust,
I am learning more here from HG and others about myself and why I was deceived.
I certainly don’t regret loving anyone – although I will admit some are a lot more difficult and a lot more work to love than others. While I don’t regret trusting, i do regret having my trust abused. I think it’s a lot like falling down. I don’t like that either and it can really hurt, but I just have to get back up again. I certainly wouldn’t stop walking because I occasionally fall, neither would I stop trusting because I am occasionally deceived. Although I am a lot more careful and watchful of slippery areas – human or otherwise!
Yes, Windstorm2, there is no point to regret. Especially if we cannot change the situation.
Abuse of trust, is a violation. I agree.
Your way of thinking is sound and rational. Wise words.
The best revenge is living a happy life. Loving again and loving ourselves. Not allowing control to continue even after we are free.
Hi Windstorm……..you are just brilliant…….I like and can relate to all of your posts…..but I don’t comment on everyone as I have to curb by obsessions!!!!!!. Just so you know……I like your posts even before you have written them out!!!!!!………Diva
What Diva! Are you in my mind? That’s a scary place to be!
Birds of a feather flock together!!!!!……….Diva
And that’s how they end up as feather dusters Diva!
What’s a feather duster???……..I am allergic to feathers and dust!!!!!…..Diva
Or stuffed and mounted as a trophy on some narcs wall?
Hey Windstorm2……stuffed and mounted…….stop encouraging him or giving him ideas!!!!!!!…….Diva
Diva and windstorm, lol!!
Now in addition to the scrapbooking rm, he will have this room where he displays these😣😅
“Feather dusters”? What r u implying u cruel but helpful, polite man?!🦆🦅
In the eyes of the predator, you are percieved as weak, which is why you are preyed upon .
Thank you HG Tudors #1 fan for clarifying, I misinterpreted your comment.
Yes, they do wrongly perceive us as being weak.
Hgt#1f
Yes, they perceive us as weak, but that doesn’t mean we perceive ourselves as weak. It also doesn’t mean we are weak or that they can bring us down. Predators are often wrong, outrun, outmaneuvered, and evaded.
Windstorm2…..you are on top form at the moment!!!!…..Diva
Windstorm2,
I never thought I was weak, maybe brainwashed, and manipulated, but never weak, not once did that ever cross my mind. He was weak in the knees for my fuel.
I was a big fat juicy steak marinated on a plate before he targeted me as prey. Looking back i was easy pickings.
“The Mid-Range…will spend longer searching….”
I have mentioned elsewhere how I’d met my ex-narc in a pub, just casually talking. Some time later, she told me how she’d seen me before, and it was in a local social club, and who I was there with (the room was very crowded). I tried to think back, and realised that the only time I’d been in this club had been about two years ago…TWO YEARS!!!
Paul that is creepy!!!!
Gab….
Sure, but probably not unusual 🎃?
Mine saw me at a Christmas party at work. I was then gone for fellowship for 1.5 years. He didn’t start to talk to me until I came back after that fellowship. But he made a big deal out of how much he saw me at that party, and how he’d wanted me all that time.
Translation: I spent 16 months in his crosshairs and he wasn’t going to let me forget that he’d been watching me even when I didn’t know he was there.
Hi paul…i had similiar instances with my narc where he told me things that were way before we physically met. He knew me way before i knew him. They crouch in the bushes and observe before pouncing.
Gabbanzobean
What you describe here is exactly the reason you should not be meeting again with him. You mentioned previously that you want to meet with him to ‘test’ him and prove some things to yourself, but to do that you must be very much in control and detached, and even then those of us who do so are playing with fire. I do not see that level of detachment in your posts and fear that your meeting with him will cause you to lose any objectivity and control you have gained to this point and allow him to draw you in again. There really is nothing to be gained from meeting with him-just more questions and fresh wounds for you. Please dont do that to yourself.
NA
Narc Angel….I’m following through on the meet up as planned. At this point given the silencing behavior I’m wondering if he will even show up. 🙄 And if he does I’m gonna hope for the best here.
Gabba…
I’m gonna join in with the others here, even though I’ve not experienced ‘the pull’ myself. I’m sure you’ve read how predictable they are. You MAY get a short ‘golden period,’ or not. Either way, you’ve already been discarded – it’s over! Look at it this way, you KNOW you’re going to feel worse afterwards than you do now. And, you won’t get any answers that you don’t already know!
Cruel…. ..but fair Paul!!!!! It would seem that GB and I have something in common……….we both have to learn the hard way…….(although HG said there is no better way!!!!) I hope for GBs sake that he doesn’t show and then just maybe, she won’t have to endure what lies ahead. You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink…….although many of us tried!!!!!……Diva
Agreed with you, NarcAngel.
I agree too narcangel. I dont judge you for meeting up i totally get it but he cant offer
you what you want. Hes toying with you 🙁
GB – it’s part of the trauma bonding. It’s a neurochemical bond in your brain. Crazy AF. It doesn’t make logical sense. I totally understand, and I haven’t gotten past it yet either; wanting some kind of closure that HG assures us will never happen. I’m fairly new here and voraciously going through the posts, and haven’t gotten to one yet if there is one, but I would guess HG has addressed this in either a book or blog post somewhere. I know no one will be able to talk you out of meeting him, but please guard yourself and be ready for the worst. Google trauma bonding and the brain if someone here doesn’t suggest another post. I promise it does get easier with distance, and you start to look back on it like you don’t even recognize who “that” was, (you) responding like that, when you know you deserve better! The cognitive dissonance fog eventually starts to lift. But the process f-ing sucks….
There was a reply one time about this very topic from MLA Clarece I think. I did not bookmark it at the time and I wish I had. It was so well explained and now I am wishing I had it to reread.
Trauma bonding as a DLS? A DLS is so different than an IPPS though. Geez no wonder his wife has not left him if I can’t even cut ties.
“The Mid-Range recognises that there is a type of person he is drawn to, although he does not know why this is.”
And I was drawn to him and did not know why either! And holy hell this just tripped a memory for me. Before I came to this blog and began to learn, every moment I spent with my mid range (I was DLS) I felt inexplicably drawn to him. Magnetic. I am not just talking about his charismatic polite Mr Piano church personality (LOL again Jenna). But I mean the fact that I LITERALLY felt the magnetism. For example, picture one of those huge U shaped horseshoe magnets dangling about drawing every piece of magnetic particle in the air to it. It felt like that! I felt DRAWN to him, PULLED to him if you will. He was the magnet and I was the particle.
He told me he felt lightheaded when he touched me, he felt like his head was spinning but not in a bad way. He said he felt “drawn to me”. But he did not know why. At the time I had no idea why he felt like this. I figured it was just maybe physical attraction, you know? Sexual maybe? Who knows. I’ve been attracted to people before but never have I felt THIS attracted to anyone as I felt to him. So we had a discussion about it and he just said “I don’t know why I am drawn to you….I think I tend to attract broken people. People who need fixing…” At the time this made no sense but now it seems to make more sense.
But that magnetic pull. My skin felt a humming sort of electric “buzz”…and that pulling feeling…gravitating toward him. It was erotic and ridiculous. I would interrupt him while talking to kiss him. He may have been drawn to me but I felt so drawn to him as well. In every way, especially in a sexual manner though.
Does this make any sense? Can anyone else relate?
Yes GB. I relate. They are literally like a drug addiction. I would “feel” him come into a room before I saw him. Hairs standing up on the back of my neck. I used to think it was “romantic”. it’s not. It’s as bad as any addiction. It can kill you. I’ve felt that “hairs on the back of the neck” with 2 other people. Both times they were complete strangers, too close to me, and it felt like pure evil. I felt like I was in danger.
What the hell causes this to happen? The magnetic PULL? It was like my body was being magnetically pulled to his in addition to my brain. I wanted to be inside his mind, know all his thoughts. Merge with him so to say. Yes, addiction. It felt intoxicating and totally ridiculous. I know many here are cautioning me. I am still following through to meet up with him. Yes, I know I am out of my mind.
Gabs, it’s biochemistry. Once we are intimate w someone, our brain releases the hormone/neurotransmitter oxytocin in large quantities. This hormone is at its highest during the falling in love, or infatuation stage of romantic relationships.
When the narc withdraws frm us, we feel oxytocin withdrawal effects, which include depression. We need the oxytocin to feel better again. Who can provide that for us? It is the narc.
Thus, it is as though the narc has the drug we need in order for the withdrawal effects to subside. He is our drug supplier. This is why we feel an addiction, a magnetism, a strong attraction. The narc pulls hot and cold, so oxytocin levels rise and fall. The body doesn’t like this. The body wants equlibrium.
The best way to avoid this is to not be intimate until u have a true comittment frm somebody. I know, easier said than done.
I know u r going to meet him, as u were v clear on that. But i beg u to not be intimate w him. U will only crave him more once he’s gone, which means more heartache for u.
There are current studies about whether administering oxytocin injections will help to reduce depression and the feeling of addiction to an intimate partner.
Best of luck and keep us posted. We all care abt u.
Jenna,
That last paragraph about oxytocin shots – didn’t know that – now I wanna look the research up – interesting stuff lol!
I was bored I was in a bad state looking for someone or something to like crave and I immediately locked in on my ex one day in a casual interaction and I became completely fixated and obsessed – I needed to have him. Man… that was a mistake.
Doc, mistake for u, lucky for him!
Gab,
Be a plant like me!!! Lol
Doc, a “plant” lol!!
Gabbanzobean,
Yes, I can totally relate. I only met my narc in person the one time but it was like an intense force pulling me to him. I felt compelled to kiss him and be close to him. I felt like I could not say no if I’d ever been truly alone with him. It’s a chemistry and yes, addiction, that feels impossible to break!
I hope you don’t see him again, but from what you’ve posted here, I get it! When I was wrapped up in the addiction to my narc… it was like I had to see it through and nothing anyone said could stop this. It was an uncontrollable force. It’s understandable that you want to see him.
I am fearful for you for reasons others have expressed already. You think if you meet him, you’ll understand better or maybe he will prove us all wrong and he’s not really a narc! Or maybe you know you’re going down a destructive road and you’ve accepted that because you just want to see him so much.
I spent some time this week feeling numb and flat because it’s been five months since I talked to my online guy and I feel no desire or excitement about anything. I actually started MISSING THE ADDICTION. I felt more alive then. I miss wanting his hands all over me and I missed sexting with him when I was at work because I wanted him all the time. But I don’t miss what it did to me. I don’t miss all the side effects of that drug. No high is worth the abuse. I hope you realize you are worth so much more and that nothing good can come from meeting with your narc again. Hugs.
Mary – your last paragraph could have been written by me word for word. I feel exactly the same about mine and even missing that high.
Mary,
I only met one of mine one time too. I felt that attraction, the pull. I resisted it probably more because I am a logical, skeptical type of person more than any other reason. I came home and married my long standing narc fiancé. There is a pull of some kind between them and us. I don’t understand it, but I acknowledge it. Maybe that is why we are so drawn to narcs – that we feel the pull of that attraction. But just because we feel the pull, doesn’t mean we have to give in to it. We are the masters of our destiny- not the narcs.
Exactly the same here. I knew narc #2 (a MR) for less than a week, and I have never been so drawn to another human being in my life. I spent the next six months feeling like my brain had been rewired.
Some of it was biochemistry, because he smelled intoxicatingly good. But when he stared at me the first time…I was a goner.
Narc #1 and #3 (a MR and a greater, respectively) did not have anything like that pull. My descent into their orbits was long, slow, and I didn’t notice it happening until it was over. I wasn’t physically attracted to either one until it was too late to do anything about it, and even then there was a large part of my subconscious saying “this guy’s not even good looking!”
Damn biochemistry!!!! There are some nights that are rough for me where all I do is cry, looking at his picture, and yelling out loud “why am I so drawn to you? What is it about you that I am so addicted to?” I hate my brain.
Before I knew what he was, I actually asked him “why am I so drawn to you?” His response was “I must have awoken something in you” creepy AF!
Jenna,
I definitely get what you are saying. I have not even had sex with him since February and I still feel the withdrawal when he goes silent on me mainly from phone calls. It sucks. I feel sad when I do not hear from him. No freaking way am I letting him have at my body. According to my cycle tracker app I am supposed to have my period when I see him anyway (and it is nearly always on time like clockwork) so the joke is on him. Speaking of clockwork and jokes in regard to his aforementioned silence…his silence is like clockwork! 2 weeks of silence followed by a few days of communication followed by another average 2 weeks (give or take a day) amount of silence again. Even his social media presence when it comes to me is like clockwork. Likes a few pics here and there, disappears like a ghost and then returns again to throw around some likes. The texting follows a similar pattern. “Good Morning, how are you?” IGNORE. “Hope you’re well today” IGNORE. Phone call? IGNORE. It is the weirdest thing. Then out of nowhere like an emerging fog of some sort he will reappear. “Hey there, sorry I missed you, I am around if you want to talk…” Robotic almost. It is almost as if he sets an alarm or something to remind himself to reappear again.
As the Mr Churchy polite Piano man that he is, he never denies anything nor is he rude or mean. He will deflect (as HG mentioned above) “I hate talking on the phone” (but we used to talk for hours). “Well I am getting anti social the older I get…” I did an experiment a week or so ago where I politely told him that my feelings were hurt that he disappeared with no explanation and ignored me. I texted “I feel like you are a ghost”. He replied with “I am sorry that you are hurt. I do not mean to hurt you. I AM a ghost.”. And then he would talk to me and give me that “I am antisocial the older I get” nonsense. I politely told him that was the stupidest thing I ever heard and he laughed and then poured on the polite pleasantries of how great it was to talk to me and blah blah blah. But we would go on and on and conversate about everything for awhile and I almost forgot who I was talking to. Forgetting what he is (which I still do not want to believe that is what he is)…do you know what I mean? It would be like chatting with any other friend. And then after the phone call the sexting would start. I replied with “I thought you said no more of that and we were going to behave”. And then silence. I mean what else would be say “Oh sorry I am getting more sexual the older I get?” (LOL). Can you imagine him saying “Oh, I know I said no more sex but the older I get the more I cannot resist…” (or the re-used line of the “willpower is weak”). I know I should not talk to him. I like talking to him. After I filter through some of the nonsense we really do have the best conversations about everything. And when he disappears, I miss it.
Anyway that just went off on a huge tangent LOL thanks for reading. Mr. Piano Recital at Church. October will be interesting. Yeah no sex for him though. Nope!
Gabs, my ex says the same thing ‘i am anti social’ !!!
Are all mid-rangers the same? How can my ex get almost 200 likes per pic on fb if he’s antisocial?
And he similarly goes silent every time i bring up something he doesn’t want to talk abt, or if i ask him abt his behavior. He just used to log off without saying bye. He would text again a few hrs later ‘sorry i had to go earlier’ and change the topic. Depending on my mood, i would leave it as is, or i would bring up the topic again. If i bring it up again, he would usually get frustrated, and eventually withdraw anyways.
When piano guy said ‘i AM a ghost’ i think he was just mirroring ur words.
I am glad u won’t be having sex w him. Be strong!
Jenna,
Do we have the same narc? Mine gets about 200 likes for each picture he posts on Facebook as well. Well when he post pictures and has not disappeared off the face of the earth that is!!!
I did bring this up in conversation with him once. I told him that he “has so many friends”… he told me that it’s an illusion. That it may seem that way, but that’s not how it is. And that he is close with no one. He says the list of people he can truly connect with is very small.
I still struggle with knowing that he does not know what he is. Some of the stuff he says would make me believe that he is self-aware. And I also I’m starting to think there is a specific textbook for the mid range behavior. From what I have read on this blog many of them seem to be the same. Saying the same shit, doing the same things.
And don’t get me wrong. I want to have sex with him. Very much. But I’m going to be strong.
Gabs, this is eerie. My ex says something v similar, that he gets many likes yet none of them are real friends. He is suspicious of everyone and thinks everyone wants to either outdo him, harm him, spread rumours abt him, take advantage of him, has an agenda against him, etc.
Even i thought maybe it’s the same person. My ex plays the piano too😧
But he is not married yet and he does not have a child, like urs.
yes damn our mid rangers (is yours a cerebral as well?) are so eerily similar. You have a piano man too? Is he a churchy piano man? LOL. That nickname you gave him still cracks me the hell up. Piano recital during church facade. Mine never says those things about others. He thinks well of everyone. He just says he feels “isolated and withdrawn” from everyone. Because of his “depression” which is because of his “guilt”. Yeah mine has a wife and kid. Once in awhile he posts a pic of them on his FB. But never of himself. So weird.
Anyway, I think I told you that he was going through a pattern of silencing me for 2 weeks then talking a few days then silencing me again. I told him my feelings were hurt and he pulled the “Oh I am sorry” and then “I hate talking on the phone”.
Today the following exchanged occurred:
Me: Good Morning how are you?
Him: Fine, darling. And you? (yes he calls me and everyone else “darling”)
Me: I am well. It is good to finally hear from you
Him: Silly girl the more frequently you contact me, the less likely I am to get back to you in an expeditious manner (yes he said expeditious)
Me: Do you really think I contact you that frequently?
Him: Yes I do but I know it is not intentional.
Me: Well I enjoy talking to you
Him: I would not say it like that. I would say that you want to talk to me way more than I want to talk to you. Of course when we do talk, I usually enjoy it
Me: Okay so you usually enjoy talking to me but you don’t want to talk to me as much as I want to talk to you? I am just trying to understand here.
Him: You should understand by taking this as a reminder of the boundaries we need to set in our relationship. I know that by indulging in sex talk that it sends very mixed signals but that is because my resolve is low and my willpower is weak (I KNEW HE WAS GOING TO RESSURRECT THAT ONE!)
Me: I think there is a difference between boundaries and you being a ghost. Unless you are a ghost because of your lack of willpower.
Him: Sometimes that is why I am a ghost. Sometimes I am just on the phone with someone else or I have my kid, or I just do not feel like talking.
(I was tempted to throw the “I hate talking on the phone” in his face but I did not….)
Me: Well I enjoy talking to you when you feel like answering your phone.
Him: We always have these conversations. I just believe in moderation that’s all. Moderation is a necessity with you. The more I talk to you the more you crave it more and more. and before you know it you become anxious and self conscious and start with the need for your reassurance. It is a repetitive cyclical series that begins and ends as predictably as the sun rises and sets. You should not be trying this hard for me, especially when I am not trying hard for you.
Me: Well I wish you would try harder.
Him: Well that is not going to happen darling. At least not in the way you truly desire it to. I am weak sometimes and will indulge in our sexual attraction. But it is wrong of me.
Me: Yes I know of this
Him: it is all part of the tapestry (WTF does that mean? What the narc tapestry? LOL.)
Him (continuing): I am not unsympathetic to you Gabrielle. I feel that to a small degree on a purely logical scale that you understand the limitations of our relationship. And I have no desire of being anything more than a friend to you. Despite my weakness in the sexuality department. But emotionally, you are in pure detail and defiance of these limitations. I get the impression though that if you, perhaps unconsciously remain steadfast with it and nurture it that you can change that. There is a disproportionality with the way you and I feel about each other.
I am going to end there as I have a fucking headache. LOL. And that is today’s texting with my cerebral mid range Mr Piano recital at church.
I attempted to call him later in the day after work, he did not answer and it went to voice mail. I left a message for him to call me but I know he is going to withdraw and go silent.
We are 2 weeks away from our meet-up. No clue what is going to happen. Dun dun dunnnn LOL. Does your Narc text/talk like that too? Thanks for reading.
Gab,
Yes… I can relate. It didn’t last forever though – when the relationships began – like really began – i disappeared fast.
Dr HQ:
Sigh!!!! The actual start of a relationship, I wouldn’t know what that would be. I was always DLS, with a sprinkle of “friend” (I was introduced to a few people that he knew but they were not family members only friends, but not close friends). Had I live geographically closer I could’ve easily become IPSS. I only say that, because I know he said innumerably that he would never leave his wife. But yes part of what makes this so hard is because have not, and continue to not see and interact with him in day to day life. In real time do to say. Oh to be a fly on the wall and see what his wife deals with.
I don’t perceive myself as prey lol. I always perceive myself as the hunter; however I’m good at playing prey when I’m hunting 😂…
Serious question:
Are you a narc?
Nope. I’m not.
I just know how to think like one.
Hunt the Hunter….
Now i see why a midrange narcissist was attracted to you. A genuine psychopath/sociopath would not be attracted to your personality traits whatsoever.
I am not putting you down in anyway, I am speaking from the experience I had growing up around these men.
When you say that is all you attract, you mean in
a professional setting; court ordered one on one session with you, right?
Please, correct me if I am wrong.
Personally and professionally. I do happen to attract sociopaths and psychopaths. I clearly don’t engage with all of them – I have a few friends that are sociopaths and psychopaths that are higher functioning that often try to date me lol – doesn’t mean it will happen. I have dated a psychopath in the past for a short period of time and I have one that comes back intermittently. The thing is that psychopaths in general are a very small part of the population – especially the higher functioning ones.
Unfortunately for me I am a cluster b magnet lol. I always have been. There are many more mid-range narcs out there – in general.
I totally don’t take that as an insult by the way – but I hope I provided a better explanation. 🙂
I’ve heard many times they enjoy the mental stimulation I give them. I can’t count the number of times I have heard “I need to find a girl like you – someone who can handle me.”
I’m not even joking.
“Once those fangs have sunk into the victim and the fuel is drawn, whether it is a Lesser, Mid-Range or Greater, we will remain until it comes time to identify the next prey.”
Prey…….pray…..and continue to read this Narc Bible. I am an atheist by the way, but whilst reading this article my heart and stomach are lurching faster than the cheetah in the photo…….Diva
yessssss………perfect..that is how they are…
how happy i am reading about this people..how much learning about more strong i feel about me….im giving you my thanks for it