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28 thoughts on “The Narcissistic Truths – No. 145”
How can u be ‘always there’, keeping tabs on all ur previous ipps’s? There are so many. U would not have time for anything else!
Hands down, HG. You have the very best imagery I’ve ever seen. It is amazing how every image so completely relates to each entry.
So much about Narcs confuses me. If they’re always there what happens to the whole theory of them not thinking of us, or wasting much of anything on us once they’ve got fresh new fuel?
We are always there because of what we have done to you, as opposed to always thinking about you. We create ever presence.
I can’t even go to my old hair dresser. Because he did. So he is “there” even when I am not there. She was prob some level of fuel for him too. Blah. Yuck. A bitch to find find a new one. 3 solid screw ups trying new hair dressers. It sounds trite. But if your hair sucks. And getting it done (ruined) over and over by perfect strangers makes me feel angry. Out of control. Panicked. Broke. Disheartened and even dissociated from myself at times where I can’t trust what I see in the mirror. ALL I see is ugly hair. Wanting to cry. ALL while knowing full well: it’s just hair, I created thid mess by richocheting hither and to “fix” it and it — just. gets. worse. Anyone else hyper focus on this or orther self sabotage? Ugg, I know it’s symbolic. I hate me. Attack the hair. Repeat.
Hi tappan…its good you stopped going there bc he mightve converted her knowingly or unknowingly into a flying monkey.
I know what you mean!! It’s devilishly hard to find a hair dresser that does my hair just like I like! I feel your pain. When you finally find another that you like – don’t tell anyone you know about them!
Dear Mr Tudor,
My “little weasel’s” latest victim lives a distance away from him, so as long as he’s “there” and not “here”….. I’m happy!
“if he was watching them all, he would not have time left to breathe.”…..looking at that photo…..he looks like he is breathing through his ears to me……..hmmmmm……….Diva
HG – If the ex of a mid range or lesser blocks the narc and goes no contact will the narc still somehow stock the ex’s social media profiles?
I assume you mean stalk, Gabby. If an ex IPPS escapes and blocks, the risk of the narcissist stalking the social media of the victim is high.
Gabby, hg knows his facts too well.
i was an ipps and escaped. He left hundreds of text msgs, 50 voice msgs, and a msg on fb which i didn’t even see until 2 wks ago. He is not even my friend on fb.
They always are even after a discard or dissngagement they lurk checking your progress so they can knock you down. They lurk in your social media snooping at your posts, likes. They lurk where you frequent to see who youre with and how you seem to be doing. They are always there whether you see them or not. Hoover or not they are there waiting and plotting. No contact,full no contact, blocking them every angle online and avoiding them casts them in the dark. If i ever seriously go no contact my narc will be clueless as to anything about me. If…
Narc affair, this ever presence is our need also. We may think he is always lurking, because that makes us feel wanted. When he lurks, he is interested, no?Even if he wants to harm us-this is OUR negative fuel. But I guess it is not always the case. When he deletes us, I suppose he doesn’t bother at all.There are so many women, anyway, if he was watching them all, he would not have time left to breathe.
Hi M…yes true. Ive wanted him to lurk and be watching but narcs really do lurk. Maybe not all the time but periodically they do depending on how the situation and especially if it was an escape and theres no new primary source. Once devaluing of the new source happens theyre back looking you up seeing if youve moved on and are functioning ok. They want us pining for them at all times ready to take them back.
Hg I wondered if it is possible that the self can also be gone in a codependent or other?
Do you only see the self has disappeared in narcissists?
What is a self?
If it is free expression of will and spirit, I realise those things in me were killed when my mother threatened my life. She wouldn’t allow them, I now realise. I had to be like her.
I agree that the self could very well disappear in a co-dependent, yes Violet.
Interesting. “I agree that the self could very well disappear in a co-dependent, yes”. This has prompted some questions, HG, if that’s ok with you.
1) Would the percentage of Co-D within an empath make-up be considered as how much of the self was ‘suppressed’ when being formed as such?
2) And the same percentage “acts” as the ‘protective shield’ within an individual who has Co-D when the Co-D is ‘activated’ ie LOCE / trigger occurs?
3) Would the Super element also become activated at the same time as the Co-D’s shield coming up / door closes ie the Super element activates to fight and aid the defense of the Co-D?
Thank you in advance. If you have covered this in your new work on Empaths, I’m happy to wait until these are released. Thank you, HG 🙂
Thank you for answering, HG 🙂
Hi Asp Emp,
Good questions you have asked.
I’m a bit surprised by the awnser to your first question. Your theory seemed very logic to me.
Your third question evoked another scenario.
Let’s say that the Empath finds out that the Narcissist cheats and that cheating is a trigger for Super. The Empath isn’t willing, or able, to forgive the Narcissist and know that the act of infidelity will lead to the end of their relationship. Separation triggers the Co-D.
I do think that both Co-D and Super can be triggerd nearly simultaneously. Resulting in the empath finding himself/herself drawn between the two different responses. (Back and forth, back and forth).
I have imagined that my sense of self being built of:
some really thick pillars,
many inter-thick trunks and,
a lot of thin branches.
When the narcissist comes into your life, they starts cutting you down. After the escape I found that:
All thin branches were cut off. Of the inter-thick trunks, some were cut down, others seriously injured.
The thick pillars remained firm but with some damage.
I stayed ‘only’ for a decade..
Many have lived with their abusive partner for 2, 3 and 4 decades.
Is it just the Co-Ds that might loose their sense of self?
Hello Jasmin 🙂 Thank you for your thoughts and considerations. I would suggest that the Super / Co-D ‘triggers’ would flick between the two schools rather than both “operating” at the same time? Considering that a narcissist’s assertions of control would flick from one to another instinctively, so, it could be suggested than an empath’s schools also “operate” similarly? It may be the cadres that are more likely to “underpin” the activated school within the empath, thus may “remain” as the schools ‘switches’ from one to another because it could be the same LOCE ‘occurring’ ie an argument with the narcissist in one room? Maybe the Co-D leads to the Super school being activated, especially when it is apparent to the empath that the argument has gone round the carousel a number of times but with different words salads as it “passes” the narcissist because of their switching the manipulations? (typing that just made me laugh!).
The Co-D is formed in the same way a narcissist is formed – they develop a self-defense mechanism of their own. This would have been formed in childhood. Both the narcissist and Co-D (empath) are similar in real terms, they are both “codependent” and both form ‘defenses’. To get a good idea, the article https://narcsite.com/2022/05/22/to-control-is-to-cope-narcissism-and-its-creation-13/ RE: the coping strategies that may be adopted (only a few are mentioned here). If I understand it correctly, the intervener is one of the determining factors whether that person becomes a narcissist, or not (during their childhood).
I do not believe that the Co-D actually “loses” their sense of self, it can get lost under all their traumas / abuse, or, it can get suddenly withdrawn / door closed (the protective shield becomes active) at the trigger that causes it to happen.
Hi violet…i can vouch for the fact my sense of self left as a result of being codependant. It didnt fully leave like a narcisissts but after 7 yrs of being me thru my narcs eyes i feel ive been missing. Im slowly taking steps to getting me back and establishing boundaries but its scary and i know things will ultimately change. Codependants can be like narcs in that they morph into what that person sees in them and gives them in the form of validation. Without him im not the me i was with him. I hope that makes sense. Your question sums up what ive been living.
This one especially resonates with me. How ironic that the one who was never really there (and never will be, for me or anyone else) can continue (even in his physical absence) to preoccupy my thoughts, taking up my precious time and emotional energy. It is a daily practice in restraint to let him go, to fill my time and my hands with more fruitful pursuits. Every morning when I wake, he is there. As I swing my legs over the side of the bed, I must remind myself, again, to set my compass heading in the direction away from him. Every day I confirm my intent. I cannot make him not be there, but I can practice the restraint of letting go and the mindfulness of my newfound intent. There may come a day when he returns physically. I have to trust that the information HG so willingly gives will shore me up, making me less emotionally top-heavy. There is a solidity and groundedness in his logic, which will allow ME to always be there, fully present. Strong, resilient, finally safe.
I can’t visualise anyone watching me for too long …..it would be akin to watching a hibernating tortoise, only not as exciting……..Diva.