One of my early girlfriends, Olivia (amazing legs by the way) said that one of the things she really liked about me when we first got together was the pride I showed in broadcasting to the world that I was in a relationship with her. She expressed surprise and delight at how widespread my announcement that we were together was. I posted repeated and regular updates on Facebook of us together, at different restaurants, on the beach, at dinner parties, holding one another and smiling for all to see. I would tweet about how happy I was as a consequence of being with her and also what a breath of fresh air she was compared to the stale, possessive relationship I had been in previously. I would take her to a dizzying array of drinks receptions (both with friends and with work) and introduce her to all and sundry, positively bursting with pride. I ensured we attended plenty of dinner parties and barbecues where we worked our way around the other guests as I enthused about her wonderful qualities knowing full well that those who were in attendance would post about it on their Facebook pages and talk to other friends and acquaintances. Well we all enjoy the latest gossip don’t we? I changed my ringtone to her favourite pop song and when people commented on the tune I would explain why I had chosen it. I spread the news as far as I possibly could, using every available channel of the dissemination of information, content that once the news was out there, it would continue to spread. Yes, Olivia was utterly swept off her feet by the huge exposure I gave her to this glamorous lifestyle of mine and moreover the repeated and concentrated blasts of heralding our coupling. She adored me for it. Of course, what she had not realised that I was not doing it for her. I was letting Sandy, who I had discarded the week prior, know just how happy I was without her and how she was missing out. That’s what it was all about.
33 thoughts on “Relationship Bulletins”
But why do they do that? if they have dumped someone when they find someone “better”, what do they care what the ex knows. Why would they rub it in her face? I mean, you find someone you like better? fine. move on, let’s all move on. I would understand the dumpee to react by showing off that they’ve moved on, but the dumper? Why do they go out of their way to show the dumpee that they are happy with a new person? Just to hurt the dumpee for no reason? for fun? it is not like they are going to know if there is a reaction, since there is no contact….
Hi HG! What is the reason that a N doesn’t post any relationship bulletin on his social media? The Christian, virgin N. Is it the no realtionship before marriage facade?
He is wary that a former IPPS will react to it and cause trouble with the new IPPS. See the article The Veiled IPPS.
Thanks HG! Your the best! 🙂
I would like to ask you how do you prevent recognition of what you are, from the reading of your social media profiles.
I mean, since social media is something like a diary, the same way you “spot” someone and find out their weaknesses and traits, the same way someone can understand what you are from all those interchangeable women etc.
Even if you delete them regularly, someone will eventually spot that.
Similarly, if you have many different accounts, someone can find out at some point.
So, how do you handle that? How do you control your image through social media?
Hello Malo, when you say “you” do you mean me, HG, or an empathic victim?
I mean you HG.
Now that I’m thinking of it, my ex is posting pictures of his baby with one of those frames around it saying “love.” I suppose that is suppose to either get him attention or make me jealous and it definitely doesn’t make me jealous as I am not into children.
It starts even younger I think. There is a 7-year old in my daughter’s class that gave a BFF necklace to another little girl and pretended to be nice to her at the start of the school year, and she is being mean to the girl now. I told my daughter it is called seduction (gifts) and devaluation. The 7-year old’s dad is a narc and I am certain the mom is one, too. The other little girl is an empath and both her parents are empaths. At least we can protect our children now that we know what they are.
Hey K…..yes I believe you are right that you can see these traits very early on. I have 2 kids….when I gave them both their first ever £10 note and explained what money was and what they could buy with it, I distinctly remember both of their reactions. My first childs eyes lit up and he talked excitedly about buying Lego and action figures. My other child, a 5 year old, held the note up to the light and scrutinised it. She showed no such excitement…….she simply said. …..”I am going to photocopy mine.”……….Diva
I grew up with my narc twin and a narc girl, who lived across the street from me, so I recognize the signs in the children at school and I believe that pathological narcissism has increased based on what I am seeing. Keep your children safe and teach them everything you learn here. I never want my children to go through what I did, ever! K
Hi K……I understand you completely……I don’t ever want to put myself or my children directly in the path of a narc ever again…..I am hoping that the narc traits that I am undoubtedly viewing are just down to early child development……..Diva
Hi K….yes most definitely it does start younger! How young im not sure bc young children are normally highly narcissistic bc theyve not learned skills like sharing and turn taking etc but what youre describing here sounds classic narcissism cycle. This exfriend of my daughters ive known since early grades and she was this way. Her mum is very much a somatic. She was married to a guy that by appearances was her opposite but he made a ton of money. Her mum is a trainer and model. Her hubby lost his job and they no longer had the cash flow. Literally in a span of a few months he moved out and they went from being seperated to her “already” having a new cop boyfriend. I say already but i suspect she had him in her matrix. They jumped to divorce and she has this guy moved in already and her kids are supposed to call him dad. My head spins with how fast this all took place in one year! She was going to have to move from her home but looks like she has another source to draw from. During all this my daughters exfriend cried a lot and i seen her behaviour intensify. I do feel for her situation and i can see shes learned narcissism from her mother probably as a means of coping. Its sad to witness.
They need fuel, traits and residual benefits asap. The father of the little girl, who bought the necklace, moved out on a Saturday and was on Facebook with his new IPPS by Monday. The mother started sleeping with her sister’s ex-boyfriend and recently had an abortion. This all happened since May and they are getting divorced. They really do move fast. I feel bad for their children; it is very sad to watch the destruction. All I can do is protect my daughter and I am keeping an eye on the empath girl, too.
Hi k…it really is sad watching it in motion and it makes sense seeing how and why these children turn into narcissists..learned behaviour and coping skills.
I went to sn antibully seminar last night and it was good but i found the topic of narcissism was not there. I think being thru the school system they cannot label or even suggest a diagnosis for bullies. I did ask out of the 6% of the school population that they claim are bullies 2 % are the “ringleader” and i asked could they possibly have npd? She skirted the question and said they have a conscience thats like a sieve with excuses surrounding it and when they feel a twinge of guilt they grab an excuse and or blame another. This is definitely true.
I also found it lacking in the way that they are teaching the 75% silent majority to stand up yet the adults that comprise the achool system dont hold bullies parents accountable for their childrens behaviour. Despite the fact the parents themselves are more than likely narcs they need to be held accountable and either discipline their child or the child gets expelled after so many tries. The targets and their families need rights and need to feel protected.
I do hope they bring more education to the children and parents. Teach the children whats right and whats wrong. How to be a good friend and whats toxic. Crucial info for bullies and bully targets. This info isnt just for a child in school but more importantly into their adult life.
I hope more light is shed in this area in years to come.
Narcissism has always been around but with technology and the media i feel its gotten worse.
This reminds me of one of my daughters friends who im convinced at the age of 12 is a textbook narcissist and thats when it starts in childhood.
At the beginning of the friendship this friend was cast out of the popular girls group and latched onto my daughter. She wrote her tons of bff notes and elaborate pictures and poems. She would brag to the others what they were planning to do together and how close they were as friends. Everything was blown up for the other girls to see. This went on for a few months and the devaluation reared its ugly head periodically if she didnt do what my daughter wanted. She would pout and lay a guilt trip then hang out with another girl to make my daughter feel like crap.
It got to a point she called my daughter names during devaluation episodes. That is when i wrote a note to the principal informing him what was going on and that i wanted them in seperate classes. Shes since latched on to another girl and my daughter couldnt be happier but in true narc fashion shes bragging openly how this friend is soooo much more fun and sooo much better. Bff bulletins everywhere. It really does start at a young age!
Im quite pleased with my childrens school theyre hosting a parents session tomo on bullying in school and how to protect your children. We need more of this!!
Oops i meant she would devalue when my daughter didnt do what she wanted.
Hi HG…out of curiousity do you recall when you first exhibited signs of narcissism? Do you remember being this way to classmates at an early age? Using these narcissistic tactics? Thx (i do recall the cookie jar blog and i think you were quite young back then 9 yrs?)
I had a discussion about this friend of my daughters with the pediatrician and he said 12 is too young to be a narcissist which imo is false. So many of these doctors have no clue about narcissism and many are narcs themselves.
I hope one day you venture into the school systems with your knowledge and teach not only what narcissism is but how to deal with it at any age. I know youve mentioned part is genetic but the learned portion of narcissism is imo crutial in preventing futures narcissists from developing.
Im eager to go to the antibully session tonight at my childrens school and see how much of what ive learned will be mentioned.
My exN never posted pics of him with his female ‘friends/lovers’. If he went overseas with a woman, he’d only post pixs of himself. He very rarely ‘liked’ a post by a female friend. Of course it gave the false impression he wasn’t dating. I assume his lack of transparency was designed to keep his women in the dark so he triangulates them in secret, would that be a fair assesment, HG?
He wanted to keep the relevant IPSSs separate from one another and not learning of one another.
Thank you for your reply.
I feel queasy after reading that article……it turned my stomach…..If anyone ever broadcast me over Facebook, social networks or anywhere else, that would be the end of that relationship within hours. The only part of that article that would “sweep me off my feet” would be the changing of Depeche Mode from that mobile ring tone…….I can only hope it wasn’t replaced with The Smiths though……(retching)……Diva
We didn’t have any social media at those times and my first husband liked to “advertise” me and our marriage at various social events. I’ve always preferred to live in the “shadow” and have a calm and private life. I don’t like any gossips and never produce them. But my dear husband had always been a “newsmaker”. So, it was the one from many other reasons of our divorce. The true happiness is always serene and quiet.
Thank you HG.
My ex was like this as well. He would hold hands with me everywhere, kiss me across the table in a restaurant, tell everyone how “hot” I was… it was really ridiculous, but I fell for it! We had just gotten on Facebook in 2007 and it wasn’t as big of an issue for us until we were married. He tended to triangulate women in person!
Oddly, Mistress #5 (who has just become his wife last Saturday) did this to him! She posted so much on Facebook and tagged him in everything. He was still married to me and her to her husband. My friend who was “friends” with him said, ” #5 thinks he’s the best thing since sliced bread!” It would really be something if she is a narc as well- posting everything for her husband to see.
Do empaths do this on Facebook? I would say nice things occasionally, but never over the top. I remember #5 posted an article about how “her man” didn’t have to post things about her on Facebook to prove his love, that she knew from how he treated her at home. I actually saw their entire relationship unfold on Facebook due to her posting everything open to the public. I was also able to see he used allot of the same techniques with her. One time, she posted a picture of a painting she was working on while they were together. His hand holding his cellphone was in the corner of the photo. He was actually texting me at that exact moment, telling me he was at a big party!! Even the “feeling queazy” on our anniversary was posted when she found out she was pregnant! It is so unbelievable how easy it was for me to find out everything and use it all for Divorce Court. I win!
Block the narc and cutt all his friends, mutual friends or contacts – disappear.
What you don’t know can’t hurt you…
And THIS is exACTLY what I thought and suspected in the beginning of my relationship. I remembered wondering who was he trying to show off for…It was just too much. I am still amazed at how I called so many thing out in my head and out loud and was RIGHT about it.
Wow! That’s exactly what she did, and is now doing this with her new fuel source, Dave. “What a difference a Dave makes!” was the last meme/post I saw before I blocked her and cut her off. Strangely I don’t think he exists, just manufactured to get under my skin. Sad.
Perhaps she likes the League of Gentlemen!
I’m pretty sure this just happened to me a little less than a month ago. I was friends with (non sexual) benefits with a guy I used to date and he suddenly started having “money issues” and couldn’t hang out with me. He avoided seeing me for about a month and then all of a sudden made it ”Facebook official” with some girl he’d been seeing and hiding from mel, knowing I still had feelings for him. Then he texted me about two weeks later with the “Hey, how are you?” text like he hadn’t been a total jerk.
I started suspecting he was a narc when the last time I saw him, I made a comment that he must not have been dating much since he was hanging out with me every weekend. That turned into him shoving his cell phone in my face and showing me pictures of these women that he apparently had pursued and then dropped for whatever reason. I knew then something wasn’t right with him.
This is what my boyfriend did! He broadcasted his love for me all over his social networks and everyone said how much he “adored me”. He said he hadn’t been in a relationship in many years, and that I was “the one”.
On Facebook, he plastered my pictures all over his pages, and he had songs everywhere, for all to see, that he had dedicated to me. I listened to his songs over, and over, and over.
I was so happy! I felt so loved.
And the things he said to me were out of a fairytale. I was his princess, and he was my prince. He said that beside the obvious, there was something about me that “did something to him that he could not explain”.
It was probably my swollen, throbbing, over-abundance of fuel that I unknowingly kept thrusting into him. I suppose penetrating him of my over-flow felt good to me too, like a release of pressure. I enjoyed plunging it into him, over and over, again. When he was not in close proximity to me, and I was not able to do some major deep-thrusting, the fuel would simply drip from me, since there was so much of it.
Simply evil HG!!!!!