Darkness
Do you feel the darkness as it coils about you? Do you see those midnight black tendrils as they slither towards you? Do you recognise that encroaching cloak of nothingness as it begins to wrap around you? Do you see how the inky murk blots out parts of your life as your friends become obscured by the gathering darkness? Have you any idea what is waiting for you in the shade as the pools of despair begin to form at your feet? Can you feel the icy embrace as the levels of gloom start to rise, swallowing you up bit by bit? Are you aware of the advancing chasm as it swallows up your family, wrenching them away from you consigning them to oblivion? The engulfing darkness causes them to vanish and even their desperate cries and shouts become muffled and then extinguished. Do you remember what held your interest before this fog arrived? Can you recall those hobbies and past times that entertained you and gave you a sense of who you were as you enjoyed engaging in them and with other people? Can you or is the fog too thick so that you doubt if you ever did undertake them at all? Have you noticed how the air has become thicker and cloyed with poison or do you breathe it in oblivious to the toxicity that comes with it? Are you aware how the twilight has percolated into your ears so that everything you hear has become twisted and distorted? Do you recognise what is patently before you or do the shadowy shapes and figures make little sense when they once did? Have you realised that your words have become dust in your mouth as the fur of the darkness fills your mouth and slides down your throat, strangling the sounds you try to make? Do you feel the icy embrace of this impenetrable wall of darkness which advances to you and over you? Do you recognise this glacier of despair as it slides over you, subsuming you and sucking you deep inside, preserving you in a dark, icy tomb? Do you even see your reflection in the mirror anymore or has that become masked in darkness too, the glass dulled so that everything becomes obscured and shows something else entirely? Do you see those shades which come and torment you, their sinewy fingers pulling at you as they strip you piece by piece of what you are? Do you observe these wraiths as they devour you, sucking what you are into their dark maws? How does it feel as this corrupting night brings permanent darkness to your world? Do you see how nothing grows anymore when touched by the gloomy taint? Do you smell that foul stench which accompanies this unending blanket of murk? The acrid fumes which waft into your nostrils and eradicate anything sweet and pleasant. Do you notice how your tongue lies flat and useless in your mouth, little more than a cold slab? Do you even acknowledge how everything tastes like ash? Do you feel the leaden weight of this darkness pulling at you, slowing you and seeking to engulf you? Do you recognise how it prevents you from breaking free, this glue-like morass which has fastened on to you and will not yield? Do you notice the fatigue that now wraps around you, leeching at your energy and vitality? Do you hear anything other than the whispers of malevolent control that rattle about your beleaguered brain? Do you know who you are or has this vast amorphous darkness eradicated your sense of being? Do you remember what it was to feel uplifted, joyous and happy or have you become accustomed to the flat, perilous embrace of this total darkness? Do you even feel anything anymore other or has the cosseting black cloud anaesthetised you, numbing and freezing? Do you feel the darkness? No, you never do. You never see the darkness until you have seen the light.
14 thoughts on “Darkness”
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” Do you feel the leaden weight of this darkness pulling at you, slowing you and seeking to engulf you? Do you recognise how it prevents you from breaking free, this glue-like morass which has fastened on to you and will not yield? Do you notice the fatigue that now wraps around you, leeching at your energy and vitality? Do you hear anything other than the whispers of malevolent control that rattle about your beleaguered brain?”
This resonates a lot. That is exactly how I felt on the last stages before escaping him: the weight of the darkness pulling me like glue -like morass hindering me to escape. The fatigue of the many ,many attempts before succeeding…
I felt the darkness as I sat across from him at work. I barely knew him. It was like sitting across an inmate at Rikers Island. I wish I had listened to my gut.
If you are with a narc long enough you certainly see and feel the darkness, which basically manifests in an empath as delusion, desperation and despair……Diva
WS2 and Diva
I was in the dark for so long that I thought it was normal. I am in the light and I see The Dark, for what it really is, and the delusion, desperation and despair is finally gone. K
K
So glad you’re in the light now! I’ll never forget sitting stunned when I felt the darkness life like a cloud and light and happiness replaced it! 🤗
Hi K ……I saw the darkness, delusion, desperation and despair while I was still in the relationship, although I had no idea it was because I was with a narc. I just knew I had to escape…..although the light was a good while in making an appearance………Diva
HG, I never know what to expect when I come here. Will I laugh, will I cry, will it lift me up or send me down a rabbit hole? Perhaps another puzzle piece, perhaps another key… but always, never fail, I find light. After decades of darkness… it’s blinding, painful, and necessary. Shock therapy at it’s best.
I have felt the darkness. But you’re right. I didn’t see it for what it was until I had left and was in the light.
But whenever anyone being preyed upon sees the Light, they can claim truth and choose to break free, regain their footing, and walk out of the darkness. The narcissist, sadly, cannot.
It is amazing how warm a narcissist can seem at first. They can appear loving with their dog, friends, and with their adult children (who they don’t see too often). They can feign kindness, concern, empathy Then out of the blue they may say something shockingly callus, cold and contemptuous about something. When they see the surprised look they they laugh it off and I did too. But actually it wasn’t funny. It was appalling. The things he said about his own Mother, his brother, his Father, his sister. Was it true? How about the horrendous things he said about his ex wife. He could make any one sound like an axe murderer. I felt pity. He had been treated so horribly. Or had he really? Was this just some ploy to gain sympathy? Who knows??? I just know I left and I won’t go back. NO CONTACT is the only way.
Suzie
It is all about the facade and fuel. Lies, pity plays and manipulation all garner fuel. Hot/cold, push/pull, shock/horror. Don’t believe a thing he says, feel no pity and stay no contact.
My husband had worked very hard to drive a wedge between me and his family for 25 yrs and been very successful through his actions and words. I am convinced they are all narcs in some way… his mother just died… they CLEARLY do not want me around yet he is raging at me to go to the funereal!! What do I do??
You ought to select the option which will cause you the least aggravation in the short-term which most likely would be complying with your husband’s demands that you attend since you have to deal with him more than his family. You should then be organising how you will escape him.
So painfully true. A beautiful and evocative parable as well.