A Letter to the Narcissist – No. 12



Is your soul still stuck on the rat wheel you can’t get off, where there is a new beginning at 12 o’clock and by 6 o’clock the disappointment and devaluation begins, disengaged by 11 o’clock and it all starts again…………..and so on, and so on , constantly reinventing yourself using pieces of them all  ………


A never ending circle of lie after lie, sexual encounter after encounter…………………you have no full time job as quite frankly – who would employ YOU with your history?!  Do you not realise the professional sector you are in people actually talk to each other and know about this side of you?  They see the stupid, childish, self centred posts you publically put on your social media – because of course it is open for all to see.  Why would you breath, exist, do anything if there was nobody to watch?  What would be the point?


How is your harem of women on your social media darling?  I know you blocked me but yes, I stalk it sometimes just to see the new additions – nearly always single young mothers; grateful for a little attention.   I laugh and think ‘really?’ at some – but I know you have no long term (or even short term) plans for any of them.  I actually don’t get how you attract younger women – it has to be the 1am, 2am chats you hold when you wake them and ask what they are wearing and to send a photo of themselves as you send one of you.   And you then proceed to talk sexually in a most descriptive manner, trying to find boundaries so you know where to push at a later date.  Yes, you will target these and celebrate running through them.


I hate how you treated me.  I divorced so fast for YOU, moved my ex out for YOU, so we could be seen out and about together.  After all, the reason you told me we had to stay behind closed doors was because I wasn’t yet divorced, then my ex hadn’t yet moved out, then……………no more excuses, so you started the discard.   Then you suddenly withdrew that wonderful fantastic athletic sex, suddenly, all stopped.   Then let down arrangements one after another.  Then you went on holiday and with a woman I am sure of it, which was months ago now – but still…………………the daily text or sometimes texts….planting yourself into my mind.


And I also hate myself.   I hate that I loved you so much, I hate that I can’t breathe if I don’t receive that text, I hate thinking how intense sex was with you,  I hate seeing your comments to other women how hot they are and WOW !  I HATE THAT.


When I ask you about anyone – you lie, I know far more about everything than you think I do.


I know about your past, before me – and it is quite shocking I have to say – and you would wither and die if everyone knew.     I know how you tick, and I make no issue of telling you just that.  How you need the attention (fuel) to exist.  The new fresh female in your life where it’s all potent………and then it dilutes, and onto the next.  Otherwise your depression sets in and you then post to all about that to gain sympathy and attention.  And of course it reminds you who you have on your shelves that you can go back to squeeze a bit more out of – or a quick shag whilst the kids are at school.


You disgust me, I hate you.     And I need to stop loving you.


I found out last week that you have been seeing an older well off lady in the next town – it started whilst you were still with me!  But – was I ever really with you?  You hid me away from everyone – nobody knew I existed.  Your Dirty Little Secret.   I think you are still seeing her – but at what stage the narc cycle is at, I do not know.  But I told you I knew about her – and watched you panic over txt.   You denied it of course!  You wanted to know who? How? When? I knew………..NO I AM NOT TELLING YOU.  ‘Tell me’ you said – NO.


You are so fearful of me exposing this – will I message her?  Will I visit her? Will I put a public post out about it? Or shall I just message the harem and teach them all about your antics.  What a scandal that would be…………..!


I can’t tell you how much I want to meet someone that takes my thoughts from you, I hate that I think about you all the time – affecting my job and my life as a whole.  I now live alone and have all that thinking time.


I am smarter than you – and by god you know it.  I am always ahead of you and I have recently removed emotion from my digs and our conversations.  It’s amazing how much I run rings around you without that key thing.


I will win, because I am now winning.  You will always be a Mid-Ranger Narcissist, as always – never good enough to be the best at anything you do!



16 thoughts on “A Letter to the Narcissist – No. 12

  1. analise13 says:

    This letter says it all. Annabelle.
    It says what many wish they had the chance to say to their narcissist.
    The narcissist won’t absorb most of it, sadly.
    But that doesn’t matter.
    It is what you need to say.
    For him to hear.
    If he listened.

  2. K says:

    Nice letter, Annabelle. My MMRN was stupid, childish, and self- centered, too, and I understood when you wrote, “I hate that I loved you so much”, because I felt the same way as you. Now, you are left with all that thinking time and that can be such a tremendous struggle. You are here now, smarter, steps ahead and winning, and you are right; he will never be good at anything, because all he will ever be is a mid-range narcissist.

  3. Peekay says:

    This is my narc to a T. I feel for you Annabelle…thank you for sharing. Much love to you as you battle your own feelings and emotions toward this empty man. Xo

  4. Pinkfire says:

    This is so similar to myself, my own thoughts and my situation. I can very much relate to practically everything said-so much so, that I already knew he was a midranger less than halfway through. Thank you for sharing.

  5. Ex Mistress says:

    Dear Annabelle,

    I know how you feel. I was in the same situation but I didn’t divorce because my devaluation had started before that… He’s still on my mind even after 6 months of no contact. I don’t know why. Maybe because I haven’t found the closure that I need yet. I really hope that one day we feel free from Mid Range piece of shit.


  6. narc affair says:

    It sounds like youre at the enlightment stage where you see behind the mask and you understand fully the whys to his behaviours but youre still emotionally stuck. Youre where i am or even more further bc you have the anger component. Use that anger as leverage to lift yourself away from this guy. He cant offer you anything as far as a future except pain. Pain and deciet. The sex pfffttt. As you hate him more and more that sex wont be as good anymore bc like we are appliances to narcs he will only be that to you bc the relationship will lack anything real or meaningful. A sex machine and nothing more. The sex will be tainted by the rest of his bs behind the scenes.
    Youre right you are way smarter than him and youll find how to detach from him and leave him in your rearview mirror as you drive off into your new happier future 💓

  7. kimmichaud1 says:

    I think your narc and mY narc would make good friends they both have social media harems and I totally relate to your stalking and obsession I could have written this letter minus a few things I was not a dirty littke secret but I get you I get u far too much I check his social media too and see the garem of woman young old fat skinny blonde redhead brunette an ever changing array of scantlily clad woman

  8. sygmaw says:

    Awesome letter Annabelle! I’m shaking my head after reading it though because I’m baffled at how each and every one of our letters echoes the exact same cycle and pattern.
    What really baffles me too is that each and every one of us fell deeply in love with these people.
    Trauma bonding at its finest. Maybe that’s what we all need to explore in more detail?
    Thanks for sharing your experience Annabelle, I can tell from what you have written that you are a very strong soul.

  9. Megais says:

    This letter sounds so much like my experience…I can’t even explain how it makes me feel!

  10. angela says:

    very good Annabelle…always he will be a medium N..like my N ..always in his same pathetic life..i understand how you feel..hate and ¿love?..because you dont know now but you dont love this person..you only have his poisson in your blood…later you would know that..i know that because i have similar history.
    Of course you are much more clever than he is..that is what they hate….its big fury for them..so they are the looser always.
    sorry my english..i come from Spain..we have N here too…..anyway my N was not spanish.

    And about sex…LOL…think sex its not same make love…
    Give to yourself all love you have ..and forget.

  11. Diva says:

    Annabelle……I can relate to almost everything you wrote and as difficult as it may seem now….living alone is better than living the lie. It does get easier once you start to adapt to your new circumstances and at some stage you will feel relieved and thankful that you dodged that narc bullet…..it may have wounded you a bit at the moment but it will heal in time……and then thinking about him all the time will also become a distant memory. Sure how can you really remember someone that you never really knew?………Diva

  12. M. says:

    It is not the most amazingly written letter of all, but it is the one I totally relate to. Mine even got married, dear Anabelle, to a woman way beneath any other he had dated before. Whenever I accidentally see her, I automaticaly take one step back, she is that ugly, fake and style-less(he has a good taste in women, generally). Of course, he is after the houses, the money, the facade, you know. He once told me that women feed him. He is a sort of gigolo and he never stops flirting and going after women (older and richer are his main territory), marriage or no marriage. Anyway. I have been through that phase of hating and wanting to kill and I honestly believe that when you hate you cannot win. I am not talking about forgiveness, I don’t believe in that anymore, but when you hate you are fixated on him. Too much energy, that he doesn’t deserve. Plus, although I understand it can be irresistible, stop stalking. Throw him, her and all of the silly harem out of your life. It is then that you win. Because the best revenge is when you do not care about revenge anymore.

  13. E. B. says:


    I liked your letter and especially your last sentence. Of all three schools of narcissists, the Lesser is the loser and the MRN the *substandard, second-class* type of narcissist. They will never have the insight or the intellectual capacity of a Greater. I would like to know how they react when they learn about this fact, this said in a neutral tone.

  14. ANK says:

    A good letter Annabelle, capturing the lying amd cheating and asking for photos from the women.
    Must be another textbook Narc trait.

    I so know where you are at with your hate and disgust and wanting to get him out of your head.

  15. Noname says:

    I see, that you are experiencing the healthy level of anger now and that is absolutely normal.

    The good news is that you don’t love him. I see the pretty intensive infatuation, but without respect to your man it have no chance to survive. It will die soon. Just wait.

    The hate (to your man and yourself) is a self-destructive thing. You have to get rid of it as soon as possible. Understanding of the situation beats it successfully.

    “I can’t tell you how much I want to meet someone that takes my thoughts from you”. No. No one can do it for you aside of you. Moreover, it isn’t a good way to start another relationship having unfinished “matter”.

    Everything is not so bad as you think now it is, Anabelle. You’ll see the light soon. You’ll see.

  16. Tiddlywink says:

    Gosh Annabelle.. your narc sounds exactly like my Mid ranger.. they have so many women in the back scenes and mine also has 2 gfs in the front scenes who he loves to show off (obviously they are unaware of each other!). But i know mine has another new one on the scene and no doubt he has blocked her from his wifey’s fb account (he has control over her account!) so she wont see his new fuel source’s fb posts. It’s sickening when you see all these new fuel souces popping up when he probably had them all along when he was with me. Thankfully, even though he is still on my mind because of him initially love bombing me like crazy, I have been no contact for 4 months. It is a work in progress but I have to remind myself that I was nothing to him when he has so many others. The lie after lie after lie.. and yes the holidays with women..he even wanted me to look after his dog while ‘he’ went on hols..when actually it was when he and wifey who went on hols together. The lies and deceit are so relentless..these guys can’t be stopped unless we expose them and even then, they would lie their way out of it with their convincing lies, or else make our lives so unbearable it seems hardly worth the risk. KARMA hopefully will do its deed.. take care of you…

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