A Letter to the Narcissist – No. 21


Dear Narc,

You tried to steal my shine. You tried to turn off my smile. You almost succeeded in raping my soul but I found myself stronger and today I thank you.

Thank you because you revealed to me who I am and how much I am worth.

Thank you because you made me understand that I was right since the beginning and that emotions don’t make mistakes, I made a mistake because I did not trust my feelings.

Thank you for having disclosed to me what I do not want in a person.

Thank you because you showed me how strong I am.

Thank you because you made me understand how many friends I have and how many people love me.

Thank you because that made me understand that I did right till now.

Thank you because I trusted you, despite my past and now I know that I will do the same despite you.

Thank you because now that you taught me who I am, my smile is always on.

Thank you because I love myself much more than before because I survived you in spite of everything.

Thank you for having forced me to grow up and for demonstrating to me that bad and ugly people exist even close to me.

Thank you for the existential misery that you have shown, it prevents me from hating you and from having bad feelings towards you; it causes me only commiseration and that made it easy to having let you go.

Thank you because since you are not with me anymore, my life is lighter, I am not obliged to take care of you as if you were a child, the world does not turn anymore around you, I am not obliged to hear you anymore explaining to me how amazing you are while you do things anyone does and expect to be admired like you were a superhero. I do not feel anymore embarrassment with my friends when you tried to drive the attention to you speaking about money and who you pretended to be friends with without paying attention to the fact that no one is interested, I do not need anymore to call off my spaces because you are not able to stay without me. I am no more forced to hear you speak about your exes. I do not feel any more kept out without any reason from events where you deem it is not appropriate that I participate with you, I do not need to receive your multiple phone calls at 3 AM when you claim you finished working while you are abroad.

I could go on with this list of thank you for long but, the biggest thank you has to be paid to me who, unaware of the being I was dealing with, when I felt there was something very wrong in your behavior even if I could not pinpoint what it was, triggered you and made you explode in your whole inconsistency. I wish you a long full and good life.

18 thoughts on “A Letter to the Narcissist – No. 21

  1. Mercy says:

    “I survived you in spite of everything” I love this because we are built to survive. I’m going to write it on my mirror in lipstick so I see it every morning.

    1. Caroline says:

      What a great idea, Mercy.

  2. K says:

    Brilliant letter. Your words reflect a commonality of feelings and observations that I harbor. Your freedom is magnificent and you are no longer burdened with mothering an adult man-child or obligated to suffer the incessant boasts of a self-absorbed boor. You kept your shine, your smile and your soul, and you know what you are worth. You are correct; emotions do not make mistakes. They tell us the truth and all we need to do is listen. Thank you.

  3. Caroline says:

    This letter read to me like slowly walking through a wintry wonderland of forest and ending up (last sentence) breaking through the trees, to see sunlight shimmering on a field of snow.

    That’s how it made me feel… and I swear bluebirds don’t dress me daily. But this letter was that peaceful and refreshing.

    Thank you.

  4. Tappan Zee says:

    ***the biggest thank you has to be paid to me who, unaware of the being I was dealing with, when I felt there was something very wrong in your behavior even if I could not pinpoint what it was, triggered you and made you explode in your whole inconsistency***


    And the wisdom it has shed: empowers!

  5. narc affair says:

    I really love this bc youre taking what was a painful experience and youre drawing the lessons from it and imo thats why our souls here to live and to experience and learn. Otherwise were no better than the narcissist in remaining stuck and going thru the motions ( article with the robotic man machinations? Comes to mind) day in day out missing the big picture. You see the picture and youre using it to improve your life while gaining a new found gratitude and gratitude is happiness!! Your letter is very inspiring! 👍

  6. ajo says:

    I could have written this. Wow. I so relate!! Love the part about your life being lighter because you don’t have to take care of the child anymore. Both in my marriage and with the last boyfriend, that was my life, my norm. Once you give yourself a few months of NC, you begin to feel that not having someone to obsess over and take care of is actually a blessing! It does take a good 4-6 months to really start feeling it, but I wouldn’t go back to that if you paid me!! It was really twisted that I enjoyed carrying someone else around like a ball and chain.
    Great letter. Way to come full circle!!

  7. kimmichaud1 says:

    I’ll be in this good place someday

  8. angela says:

    thank you Benedetta!!!

  9. abrokenwing says:

    Benedetta ,

    I love your letter! This is the one I can relate to.
    Thank you!

  10. Erin says:

    I love this letter: it’s so refreshing, serene and brimming with light. The author is a shining soul.

  11. Noname says:

    Where should I sign it?

    The healing process is completed successfully. Ideal and precise job. Bravo, Benedetta. BRAVO!

    Have a long, full and good life yourself.

  12. Star says:

    Beautiful letter. I wish I could comment in a more eloquent fashion. This letter really opened my eyes to truths that I sometimes still forget at times.I thank u so much for the reminder. It kind of re opened my heart again.

  13. Salome says:


  14. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD. says:

    I loved it. It reminds me of one of my favorite alanis songs….”Thank you”

    “The moment I let go of it was the moment I got more than I could handle – the moment I jumped off of it…was the moment I touched down”



    1. Tappan Zee says:


  15. Paula Sarno says:

    I recognize myself in this letter. Maybe it was my final journey to maturity .
    Despite all I am a nice woman , you will always live in darkness

  16. Ahhh,,, the serenity is coming off you in waves.

    You are leaps and bounds ahead of me.
    For sure.

    I love your perspective.


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