The Empathic Supernova

THE EMPATHIC

What is the Empathic Supernova?

In order to detail this phenomenon, it is first necessary to consider when it might appear and what is behind its appearance.

The repeated application of our manipulations is deployed for the purposes of maintaining control over you. This control reinforces our notion of superiority,  omnipotence and impregnability and enables us to draw fuel from our appliances and most of all you as our primary source.

I have made mention of the Empathic Group, the group which lies to the left of the empathic-narcissistic spectrum and within this group there are three schools of the empathic individual; the Co-Dependent, the Super Empath and the Empath.

The sustained application of the many and varied manipulations produces results for us. It also takes its toll on our victims. The Co-Dependent will cling on, desperate for the self-definition which manifests as a consequence of their ensnarement with us. They will soak up the abuse, the confusion and the control until they reach a point of breakdown. The cumulative effect of the silent treatments, the gas lighting, the physical abuse, the psychological trauma, financial mistreatment and sexual degradation eventually causes the limpet-like Co-Dependent to collapse into numbness, malfunction and potential hospitalisation. They gave and gave until suddenly they fell off the cliff and their fuel provision remained impressive on Monday and by Tuesday it had stopped. No longer capable of pumping out fuel, attending to our requirements and showering us with appropriate traits and residual benefits, this failure to function invariably brings about the discard of this individual. The discarded Co-Dependent, although distraught at the loss of the narcissist which they crave, is in no position to try to bring about the resumption of the relationship and thus, whilst we focus on their replacement primary source, they are allowed a period by which they can recover and once the lights switch back on again and the fuel starts to pump, the devaluation of their replacement has begun, so we come looking and hoovering for the Co-Dependent. Unable to resist, because of the nature of the hoovering and their own vulnerability, they are hoovered back in and the narcissistic cycle continues.

Whilst third parties may try to assist the Co-Dependent to see and understand what has happened to them, their own substantial need to connect with a narcissist means it is very hard to make them take notice and stay away from us. Unless physically removed and isolated, the Co-Dependent will drift back to us. If not the original narcissist, a replacement narcissist will invariably be found.

The empathic-narcissistic spectrum is a sliding scale that represents both empathic and narcissistic traits. On the far left the empathic traits are more numerous and stronger whilst the narcissistic traits are fewer and weaker. Move to the right and the empathic traits begin to lessen in number, their effects less evident and the narcissistic traits begin to increase and become more prevalent. Eventually, as one reaches the Narcissistic Group, on the right of this spectrum, the empathic traits have disappeared and all that remain are narcissistic traits which become more numerous and stronger the further right one goes within this Narcissistic Group.

Accordingly, with the Co-Dependent, he or she will have many empathic traits and they are strong in nature. Their devotion to love, their honesty, decency, excellent listening skills, positivity etc are most evident and contribute to create a highly empathic individual. The narcissistic traits are almost invisible and the few that exist are weak. Accordingly, this prevalence of empathic traits attracts and is attracted to the prevalence of extensive and strong narcissistic traits. They locked together, complementing one another and consequently the Co-Dependent is inexorably drawn to those within the Narcissistic Group, with next to nothing in terms of their own narcissistic traits to act as some kind of repellant.

The Empath may also find themselves shutting down, but more usually they are prevented from reaching a position of complete numbing though the intervention of a third party. Sure enough the toll exacted on the Empath is considerable and has damaging consequences, but, in general, they manage to avoid more often the fate of the Co-Dependent. Instead, rather than giving and giving until shut down occurs (as is the case with the Co-Dependent) the Empath’s performance deteriorates in terms of fuel output in a more gradual fashion which means that when it dips below a threshold of acceptability for our kind, the Empath is also discarded. Not so damaged as to be unable to function, the Empath will endeavour to re-connect with our kind, having sufficient energy and ability to do so, but they will be shunned as part of this discard until it is time to hoover them. Unaware of what they have been ensnared by and with capabilities improved after a period of respite arising from the discard, the Empath is sucked back in by the narcissist and thus the narcissistic cycle continues.

The Empath however may also realise that something is wrong, or assisted by third parties and more amenable to listening, takes notice of what these third parties are telling him or her. They have a moment of ‘awakening’ and with that realise that they must remain away from our grip, however hurtful and hard it may be and thus they eventually escape, putting distance between them and our kind.

The Empath has numerous empathic traits and they are of strength but they are not on the same scale as the Co-Dependent. The Empath will have some narcissistic traits, not many and not especially strong in nature, but they will have more narcissistic traits than the Co-Dependent. Their status as an Empath (along with the fact that there are more Empaths than Co-Dependents) means that Empaths become the bread and butter target for our kind. They too are attracted to us, not with the almost hopeless vulnerability of the Co-Dependent, but they remain not only attracted to our kind but a target.

Finally, there is the Super Empath. The Super Empath is an excellent provider of fuel also and comes with a confidence and a fieriness which proves most tempting to our kind. The Super Empath sees his or her role as helping, fixing, healing and brining goodness to those around them. They have considerable energy, they are capable and their capacity for sustaining our abuses also makes them a considerably attractive prospect. The Co-Dependent can sustain considerable abuse until suddenly, like a light being extinguished, that is it. The Empath also can sustain our manipulations but their slide is slower and more gradual. The Super Empath, blessed with a vast capacity for empathy and goodness is also somebody who can sustain a lengthy campaign of abuse. There is no slide downwards with this individual like the Empath. There is no sudden collapse like the Co-Dependent. Instead the Super Empath goes in to Supernova mode.

The trait make-up of the Super Empath is different from their cousins in the Empathic Group. Whereas the Co-Dependent has strong and many empathic traits with little and low narcissistic traits and the Empath has few and fairly low narcissistic traits but more and quite strong empathic traits, the Super Empath has a different constitution.

The Super Empath has very strong and numerous empathic traits. He or she also has a number of narcissistic traits (more than the Co-Dependent and the Empath but not as many as the Narcissistic Group) and they are stronger in nature than those experienced by the Co-Dependent and the Empath.

This arrangement is not problematic. Liken the Super Empath’s narcissistic make-up to the light from a candle and their empathic make-up the light from a spotlight. The intensity of the spotlight is so bright that the candle light is barely noticed. Accordingly, the narcissistic element to the Super Empath does not appear. The Super Empath behaves in an empathic way and thus is a target for our kind.

There comes a time however when the sustained abuse and the awareness of the Super Empath reaches a critical point. Rather than switch off or slide into decline, the Super Empath will decide that enough is enough. In some instances, this means that the Super Empath will escape and follow a similar route to that of the Empath and distance themselves from the narcissist.

On other occasions they enter into Supernova mode. When this happens, the Super Empath will dim their empathic traits. This can only be dimming. The empathic traits cannot be shut off as they are wired into the empath’s dna. Moreover, this dimming can only continue for a period of time and is not permanent. The naturally strong empathic nature of the Super Empath means that it will blaze bright again.

However, when this dimming takes places, the gap between empathy and narcissism in the Super Empath lessens so that the narcissistic traits are more prevalent. They do not dominate nor do they take over, but they are allowed to ‘shine’. However, whereas in our kind the application of our narcissistic traits is unfettered since we have no empathic traits and thus these traits are directed in a malevolent, harmful and destructive manner, the Super Empath uses these unleashed narcissistic traits for ‘good’.

This means that they will fight back against our kind and remain in the relationship with us. They will shut off the fuel provision, they will engage in manipulation of us, having learned how to effect it form their accompanying journey with out kind. The Super Empath will wound and wound, striking blow upon blow against the narcissist.  It is worth pointing out that the Super Empath does not necessarily know that they are with a narcissist (they may only realise this later) but rather they know that something is very wrong in the relationship and it must no longer continue.

Thus when some people ask the question

“Can you become a narcissist from being with a narcissist?”

or

“Can I pick up narcissistic traits from my experience of being entangled with a narcissist?”

The answer remains no.

But, if you find that you are exhibiting such traits and you are deploying them against the narcissist, what has happened is that you are allowing your inherent narcissistic traits to have greater prominence. You keep them under control and you are not allowing them to harm or hurt innocent parties, but rather you are applying them against the narcissist in order to strike back. You always had these traits, you have not gained them by being with us, but what you have learned is how to manipulate from being with us and now you are turning those manipulations against us.

The effect against us is varied.

The Lesser Narcissist will discard immediately with a display of ignited fury as he seeks to escape the turning of the tables. He will need to get away from this empowered Super Empath and find a new primary source straight away. He wants to shrink from this blazing  supernova of power which is causing him considerable difficulty through the cessation of fuel and the wounding from repeated criticism.

The Mid-Range Narcissist will find himself in a tormented loop as he tries to assert control. He will not comprehend truly what is happening. He will not want to lose the Super Empath owing to the fuel provision, but he is finding that his ability to manipulate and the reasonable degree of calculation that he has, is being sorely tested. He will try to assert his control through passive aggressive means, even pleading with the Super Empath to stop and ‘why can’t you be good to me again’? He will roll out the pity plays and sympathy cards in order to try to achieve superiority again. However,  either the Super Empath decides to escape and leaves the Mid-Ranger in a confused and bewildered state or the Mid-Ranger slinks away and discards,unable to sustain the fight and needing a new and far more compliant primary source.

The Greater Narcissist will rail against this insurrection and fight back. He will draw on fuel from alternative sources (usually the IPSS or IPSSs he has in the wings along with fuel form those NISS who are his inner and outer circle friends). He will relish the challenge shown by the Super Empath and a real battle of wills ensues as each combatant deploys manipulation after manipulation against one another. This hammer and tongs clash of the  titans sees the Super Empath applying what they have learned, similar to the apprentice turning on his or her master, as the old hand seeks to slap down the irreverent upstart. The Super Empath may withdraw and escape, satisfied that they have made their mark and scarred the Greater. The Greater may ultimately recognise that only a stalemate (for now) can ensue and breaks off, discarding the Super Empath and focusses on the acquisition of a new primary source (or more likely the promotion of an already ensnared IPSS). The Greater however will not leave matters there. A note will be made to rejoin battle in due course and bring the Super Empath to heel.

Thus the Empathic Supernova is when the Super Empath determines that enough is enough and he or she reduces their empathic traits, allowing the narcissistic traits to come to the fore and in so doing he or she trains their sights on making life difficult, miserable and awkward for the narcissist. This is why our kind proceed with caution with the Super Empath. Their capacity for sucking up the abusive devaluation and their impressive fuel provision is tempting indeed, but reaching the critical point and causing the ignition of the Empathic Supernova can have dire consequences for our kind.

Not for me of course. I relish the challenge and the assertion of hegemonic dominance. Obviously.

186 thoughts on “The Empathic Supernova

  1. Mel says:

    All the best Narcissists love a challenge, it makes the win much more satisfying. Very insightful of you to notice how the empath learns to manipulate the Narcissist. I find it interesting that the empath takes sadistic pleasure in tormenting future narcissists as well ; ). Once you sense the behavior patterns, they become easier to spot.

  2. fuelnomore says:

    My story: I’ve been married to a malignant greater Narc for 7 years, been with him for 9. About 3 yrs ago, I began putting the puzzle together that he was most likely a Narc and told him so. Of course, in the early discovery, you only know a bit and it’s easier to deny it-especially when all your financial needs are being met. After seing the same patterns play out time and time again, I continued to educate myself on the disorder. I am now 100% detached emotionally. Even though he has done everything possible to break me-he won’t. I know way too much about him now. I am currently plotting my exit and he is fully aware. He knows because I sat him down in a PUBLIC place and went over everything he does and why he does it. I know this disorder better, or at least as well, as he does right now. I asserted that I am done, have been done and he will either comply with giving me half of everything or I will out him to everyone. Trust me, he does not want anyone seeing cracks in his carefully constructed facade. I deposited a big, fat check from him today and I am waiting til it clears, then I am gone. In the mean time, as I am still in the house, if he starts being demeaning, I call him out on it. If he starts projecting, I call him out. If he does yet another silent treatment, I let him know that I now enjoy it as much as he does. I am always gray rock with facts and refuse to give him any emotional reaction/supply. In fact, I tell him that getting me out of the house ASAP is in his best interest so that he can slide someone else into Starter position. I’ve also told him that he needs a main source more than oxygen and to look at my exit/our divorce as a simple business transaction. It’s working well so far; however, if he tries to screw it up, he knows that I will pull a trident of rage on him. Because I am emotionally detached, I wish him no harm, nor do I hate him. I simply want to be gone. Yet, I have found me again and if he wants a war-he damn well knows that I am more than capable of giving him one.

    I DO NOT recommend this approach if you are not yet emotionally detached, do not have an exit strategy, do not have a support system that already knows the situation and are not yet feeling empowered.

    Good luck to everyone!

  3. Nico says:

    Master MG, you are a brilliant thinker – I guess you already know…;) Aren’t your innermost thoughts exactly what we so utterly long for?

    Just one point that doesn’t seem to fit your own logic, if you don’t mind… If Superempaths were at the end of the scale, why sould they show more and stronger narcissist traits than normal empaths or codeps? And if they are the counterpart of elite narcs, why souldn’t greater narcs show the same amount and quality of empathic traits?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Narcissists have no empathic traits.

      The opposite end of the spectrum splits at the end.

  4. Bekah B says:

    I was prepared to go into my counselling session today to tell my counselor I am co-dependent, but I just happened to read this article.. And the questions I have been Googling for the past two weeks are here: “Is it possible for you to become a narcissist or to exhibit traits of narcissism after being in a relationship with a narcissist?” Wow.. This is so very informative and I feel A LOT better about myself.. I may not be a full-blown super empath, but I have definitely experienced an empathic supernova.. I have repeatedly wounded my narcissist ever since Oct. 24, 2017.. Just when he thought he had a “one-up” on me, I have been preparing myself for battle and acting in retaliation not necessarily to harm him, but to protect myself and prove he was and STILL IS wrong.. He has been criticized.. He has been wounded.. He has been exposed.. All at my hands.. And my empathic nature has me feeling guilty because I don’t like to be in situations of conflict and have people feeling bad.. But being able to recognize I was being manipulated started coming instinctually.. I was recently being told what I INITIALLY wanted to hear when things were golden, but it no longer had the effect on me as it did in the past to where I would fall in love all over again.. I took almost EVERYTHING as a lie and a way to win me over.. I offered things and gave things to him before he even had a chance to finagle his way in and ask.. I pointed out his circular conversation tactics and question diversions and brought our conversations back into focus of the main topic at hand.. I told him of times I purposely did not display emotion because I knew that was what he was seeking.. But above all, I have had the ability to make him open up to me and share with me his darkest thoughts and feelings.. He has confessed to me his desires of power and control.. His desires to isolate others because what comes with that is the ability to control a person physically, mentally, and emotionally.. His conviction that he is above most people in this life when it comes to intelligence.. He confessed his best move in life is the ability to manipulate others and tell them what they want to hear so he can get what he wants from them.. He has confessed to me he cannot understand my pain and hurt that I say he has caused.. He confessed that he doesn’t really have anybody in mind ever when he does certain things, only himself.. He confessed to me he purposely adapted traits from all of the people he has encountered in his life.. He has stated to me in one instance (and our final instance, for me) that I may have won the battle, but the war is far from over.. Little does he know, in all of this time, he has confessed he is a narcissist without either one of us ever stating the term.. And these conversations we had about himself are ones I will NEVER forget.. I have to move on now, though, and focus on my healing.. New year, new purge.. I’m currently reading HG’s Purge book to be rid of my narcissist, from my heart, my mind, and my soul..

    1. fuelnomore says:

      Very, very rare that a true Narcissist will admit anything, let alone these things. He still cannot be “fixed”. Good luck to you.

      1. Bekah B says:

        Thanks.. It may be rare, but it did happen in this case with my particular narcissist.. I am 100% convinced that he is a narcissist.. It was over a span of time and several conversations that he shared these exact things with me.. And I’ll never forget them because they are some of the best conversations I’ve ever had with him.. He’s such an interesting, yet devilish person that I am considering writing a book, or at least a blog about him as a fictitious character.. The things he opened up to me about I don’t believe he realizes is all classified as narcissism..

        1. fuelnomore says:

          Sometimes they will have fleeting moments of honesty. I recall once, probably a year or two into the marriage, being completely angry and frustrated and asking “Why did you marry me?”. His answer, “because you were loyal”. Yep, doesn’t get any more unromantic or honest than that. Lol

          1. Bekah B says:

            Yes, I agree with that.. Especially when under the influence of alcohol.. Cheers to my narcissist and alcohol!! (Lol) That’s when I could really see the cracks in his mask..

  5. bw says:

    HG – Have you ever witnessed a super empath present during the “evaluation” “target” phase as something they were not? More of a co-dependent type? I believe some super empaths already “read” through the evaluation period, and change the story(presentation) and therefore the dynamics of seduction, as a form of protection — Thoughts?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      No, I haven’t witnessed that BW.

  6. lemminglady says:

    Background: I’m an INFJ Super Empath and follower of your great work since the beginning. You helped me identify/go no contact on my 2nd narc and ID my 3rd in 6 months rather than years.

    I’ve both instinctively and consciously gone supernova (this time). Where would you suggest I look for info & methods to COMPLETELY dismantle the construct of a greater mid-level elite narcissist? He must be left inert in the interest of public safety.

    Thank you for your time, H.G. It’s always greatly appreciated.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      You are welcome LL.

    2. K says:

      lemminglady
      If you haven’t already read them, I recommend Revenge, Fuel and Fury to help you dismantle the construct of your greater mid-level elite.

    3. Narc Angel says:

      Lemminglady

      Its not recommended here to take that route, but should you remain undeterred, you should read HGs book revenge. Excellent.

      1. lemminglady says:

        Thank you for your concern. Had I been this man’s primary source instead of his secondary, I wouldn’t consider it. But he SO misjudged me that he doesn’t have a real route of access to retaliate or even smear me.

        I also both live in a city & work in a profession that’s currently begun a major housecleaning of men abusing their positions of power. In short, he’s going to be leveled by the perfect storm.

        1. Narc Angel says:

          Lemmimglady

          Oh its not my concern-just not recommended by HG or many here is what I meant. I love a good battle, so please do carry on and report back the carnage if you will lol.

  7. Lily says:

    I found this blog after reading one of your books on Prime Reading. I have always known I am an empath. I realized not long after our break up that the cop I was dating was a sociopathic narcissist. I knew during the relationship I was completing the cycle of abuse. I was doing things to him he always did to me so he would “know how it felt”. I, very clearly, became a supernova. After reading on here I can now tell you that I am a Super Carrier Empath who is so empathic I have to have my Chakras balanced and cleansed every so often to get rid of other people’s energy. He was such a Midrange Victim Narcissist that I can’t tell you one positive thing that ever happened to him. Our relationship was a perfect storm. I now have PTSD and after months of counseling overcame my suicidal ideations. I started to see things for what they were after watching Girl on the Train. I know, super random. But at least I’m healing.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      You sound more like a contagion empath Lily.

  8. Super Empath says:

    Oh, how the tables have turned!

    My own Narc finally filed for divorce 2-days ago (which I was eagerly awaiting). I wanted him to file first, so he could ‘tip his hand’ and I would know what he had planned. I had been monitoring the State’s Website, looking every morning, so I could call my attorney and put our plan into place.

    I took a screenshot and immediately emailed all my attorneys. Which of course swiftly put into place a firestorm of my own legal documents in response, which were already in place, signed and ready to go. Then my attorney spoke with my Narc’s attorney’s paralegal and in that conversation, it was revealed he wanted to know if I planned to move out of the house. VERY NICE, THANK YOU!

    The little troll wants back in the house and me on the street. As an added bonus, he also didn’t get the satisfaction of having me served (sorry you wasted your money-NOT) – I bet he’s seething about that one as well. I hope he doesn’t tear up his hotel and gets evicted!

    Oh no, no, no he’s not getting what he wants.

    Even though I loathe this place and can’t wait to be free, I’m not giving him the satisfaction of manipulating the situation in his favor. I let my attorney know, I plan to stay in the house until the divorce is final. Also in light of the fact he actually wants an accounting of what is removed from the house. RIGHT, you MF’er, you know most everything is mine. Not only do I have his verbal acknowledgement of such, I also have a video I made for my Dad a few years ago showing him all my renovations I had made to my house. In that video, yep, there are all my things – each and every last piece of furniture, artwork, decorations, etc. So double bam to you stupid Narc.

    All that aside, I’m not going to give my Narc the satisfaction of being able to move back in the house. Oh, he can if he wants to but too bad his ego (and the need to do his typical disappearing act) caused him to think irrationally and abandoned the house (which I video recorded). AND, he also stated in his court documents he left of his own accord, “to avoid confrontation.”

    Oh, you Narc, you’re so dumb!

    One other thing, I have already forwarded all my mail, so it doesn’t arrive at the house, which is a good thing because when I finally came home tonight, the mail I had left in the box (all junk of course) was gone. I can only speculate who picked it up. Whatever, I don’t care.

    Now that he’s filed, my attorneys can finally subpoena the Pension documents he forged my signature on. Once I get my hands on that great piece of evidence…..somebody’s in deep legal trouble. I will have him on two forgeries. I know this creep doesn’t want his reputation tarnished with the legal ramifications that will ensue if I press charges.

    He’s going to have to play MY GAME, not his.

    It’s on!

  9. Medusa says:

    How can you manipulate a narcissist?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      You don’t.

      1. Medusa says:

        why? Can you extend your answer?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Please see the article ‘Never Mirror The Narcissist’ which will answer the point for you. I appreciate this appeared after you asked for expansion.

      2. lemminglady says:

        HG, that’s a teensy bit disingenuous of you, isn’t it? It may be from difficult to nearly impossible to manipulate a UGREN (elites are always tricky) like yourself, but the bulk of those in the NPD range are rather easily manipulated. I’ve been primary source of ULRNs to LGRNs, and I learned what to do to make them rage, go silent, and throw a respite Hoover my way. “Is it advisable to do so?” is an entirely different matter. 😉

        1. HG Tudor says:

          I accept that some of our kind can be manipulated to some extent whereas others cannot, however once you realise someone is a narcissist and you look to manipulate them you run the risk of

          1. It back firing and you suffer the consequence;
          2. It being seen through, by the narcissist, with an increased consequence to you;
          3. Continuing to engage with the narcissist with the risk of ensnarement again.

          Whilst it may appeal to feel like you are getting “one over” on the narcissist, if you are doing this whilst still in the relationship or shortly after escape or disengagement, you are just giving in to your emotional thinking which has convinced you to try to manipulate the narcissist as a means of keeping you engaged.

          Accordingly, you don’t manipulate a narcissist.

      3. Somewhere over the rainbow says:

        We should be happy to get free (and F.R.E.E.) from them, otherwise…we only loose our time. Better read a book, watch a movie…something to develop your brain, not bring you back into the “jungle”.

        HG, you have to admit most of the lessers are not very bright…I met one of them, I showed him the door after a month and a half: I was ok to his family, friends, took his mother’s bad character for asking me at our first meeting how many rooms my flat has (residual benefits I guess), I helped him with his legal stuff (he was the “victim” in a trial, I think victim lessers are “court-holic”, they adore years long trials and confrontations) while I was also searching for a job, I understood he had to spend all weekends away from me, not a quarreling on my part. One day (I was going to an interview the next day, in the morning) he asked me to take him with me (he would wait for me in a coffee shop). My answer was: “Yes, of course, glad you’ll be nearby!”. Then, he strikes with his: “Oh, I won’t come with you, I have other plan in the morning, just wanted to be sure you’re not going out with someone else.” I politely asked him to leave (said it’s over) and closed the door. That was insulting my intelligence, literally. If it wasn’t happening to me, I’d see it as a really bad joke. Why manipulating him? He’ll always manage to do that on his own, with the way he’s thinking… He still hates me I think, after so many years, maybe I remind him he failed and I was such a good IPPS prospect on long term (more than 2 years of hoovering with no results after only a month and a half!). I did no harm, just took no ****.
        One thing amused me again. He took the job I applied for and I refused to take because I saw another narc “boss” in there (telling me it was wrong not taking that job and that was why I wasn’t married at that date- u see my point…he was absurd and desperate, talking about my personal life in an interview). Years after that episode, I’ve got a friend working there and she told me that “boss” was a narcissist emotionally abusing all young ladies in that company and that I did the best not accepting the job.

        Not love (as the song says), but your kind is all around…

    2. fuelnomore says:

      Act like you’re in the golden period while you covertly plan your exit strategy.

  10. Super Empath says:

    ……………..Did HG state that you were a Super Empath or is this what you yourself believe to be the case?………….

    Diva:

    I don’t believe HG has said one way or the other, but yes based on what I have read, I do believe unfortunately it is the case.

  11. ava101 says:

    Are you under the impression HG, that regular empaths feel deeper than super empaths?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      No.

  12. NarcAngel says:

    Therese

    I have never felt victimized here. I have felt empowered. Empowered not only with the information provided but with the platform to be able to voice my views and opinions as you have done, and has been shared for us all to consider. Because you do not agree with something does not make it bullshit. That is a very narcissistic thing to say in itself as you are deciding for the rest of us who agree with what the article says, that we are not intelligent enough to decide for ourselves and that we do not know bullshit when we see it. We all have narcissistic traits and they are not all mean and manipulative. Perhaps this is where you are having difficulty. Having great concern about appearance can be considered narcissistic but might not be considered harmful to others until one uses it to make others feel worthless about their own appearance to the point of harming themselves, or turning the focus of a meeting from taking more than ones share of credit to actually downgrading or attacking the contribution of others. Point is-there is a sliding scale. No one is advocating that you become a narcissist in a Supernova-quite the opposite. You are deciding that your boundaries have been breached, you have worth, and you are not going to accept bullshit or try to reason any longer. You will assert yourself in a way that you would never have previously done, being that you had always displayed empathy in allowing consideration to the other party. All bets are off and you will revel in, and lord your intelligence over the narcissist knowing your full worth and deciding to display it as they have done, to show them the formidable strength and power you possess but normally keep in check as not to harm or degrade others as they do, until this instance when you have been pushed to the limit. You will not stay in this phase but will return to displaying empathy. That is not only how I enterpret this article but is bang on to my experiences. That is not victimization but empowerment acknowledged.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Well put.

    2. K says:

      Excellent NA.

  13. Amy says:

    Wow read it 4 times. Strikes a cord. I think the guy knew he was a narc the entire time. I’m definitely co-dependent. Buttt things got real intense as time went on. I was so broken from his change in character and lack of love. Then his 6 month cheating on me with someone. 3 or 4 times I got wasted and went crazy. Once I smacked him. Only emotional when sober. But man did it bring out a demon when I was drunk. Then he used that against me. I’m abusive.

    Could you be all 3???

    1. Amy says:

      Would the super nova still be at risk like the others for being hovered? And at risk for ever returning to the narc. Sure it’s probably different for everyone.

      1. HG Tudor says:

        Hi Amy, the Supernova is an event, not a person.

  14. Recovering Narcoholic says:

    About a year into my relationship with the mid-ranger, he started a devaluation. I suspected he had a new candidate source (which proved to be true) and went into supernova mode. He was caught completely off guard. Within two weeks, he had stopped pursuing the new source and started a new seduction campaign with me. I fell for it — thinking I had succeeded by drawing a line in the sand — and the result was a respite golden period lasting about seven years. Unfortunately, by the time the next devaluation started, I was totally living in the reality distortion field and ignored all the signs. Oh, how I wish I’d found HG sooner!

    1. Insatiable Learner says:

      HG, for my better understanding, RN stated her initial devaluation started about a year into the relationship but then a respite of 7 years was granted. This sounds odd considering a respite generally lasts shorter than the initial golden period, is that correct? It just does not sound plausible to have a golden period of one year and then a respite of 7 years. Would appreciate your comments. Thanks so much!

      1. HG Tudor says:

        It depends on what status RN was allocated when she was hoovered back in. Also, one may be in devaluation and not always realise that it is happening.

      2. Insatiable Learner says:

        Makes sense. Thanks so much, HG!

      3. Recovering Narcoholic says:

        I may have used inaccurate terminology. It’s possible I was not fully awarded IPPS status during the first year of the relationship, but was just one of several candidates he was “interviewing.” As a lazy mid-ranger, he moved slowly. His last IPPS had died, so he spent some time scrambling around to replace her. My point was just that my supernova reaction seemed to result in renewed seduction efforts and my being firmly embedded as the IPPS.

  15. Theresa says:

    I posted this on Facebook too but I’m going to through this in here as well. I will say you have pissed me off enough that I’m going to have a very productive few days. So there is that..

    Number one I don’t like the empath catagory. It makes this whole Cluster B vs not cluster B all romantic and mysterious.

    Spoiler alert-its not.

    Having said that…

    Oh bullshit. Bullshit. Bullshit. And even more bullshit. The super empath’s narcicisstic traits come out?

    You are so full of shit and I figured one of these days I’d find an article that you wrote that would make it obvious.

    This one was it.

    I am FUMING! To say the least.

    This is LITERALLY RE VICTIMIZING your readers you jerk.

    Normal people, with normal empathy do not lower themselves into the depths of some narcicisstic pool when they figure out how Cluster B people work.

    They “just” figure out the game.

    And they use the weaknesses to fight back.

    And you are right, it is a supernova, and it is beautiful to watch but they aren’t becoming narcicissts to do it.

    They aren’t accessing their narcicisstic traits or removing or dampening empathy.

    My god. This is some next level scripty bullshit and you should be ashamed of yourself for it.

    Are you bored? Is that what your deal is?

    I have soooo much to say about this victim blaming but I am moving so that I can go all out on my narcicisst.

    You did answer one thing though, mine is a higher level one or whatever you want to call it.

    He’s going to push back and it’s going to be SOOO MUCH FUN!

    And he will lose. Like actually lose. Not just get to run away and come back another time.

    And that’s not me digging up my own narccicssim, that’s me stepping back, learning and using that information to know exactly where to hit.

    Instead of flailing around and getting close but not quite close enough.

    I’m going to save this one. Hopefully you will see my response. You might even ban me. Either way, this article is wishful thinking and devaluation of normal people (no diagnosis) on your part. Let’s at least call a spade a spade.

    Edited to add, in fact it is the application of empathy that lets these people figure out where the actions are coming from and how to get them based on all the stories that the narcicisst had told over the years.

    Ugh. You are devaluing to a messed up degree in this one.

    1. Theresa says:

      Projection. You are also projecting. And you are devaluing non narcicsitic and ASPD’s as a result.

      1. K says:

        I thought narcissistic traits were rooted in the human psyche of all healthy individuals to varying degrees, and I still have my narc traits even though I am no longer defending myself from my MMRN. Well no matter what, I like my narc traits and I am not giving them up.

      2. SuperXena says:

        Theresa,
        Your comments are indeed extensive. It is very hard for me to find the main thread of your arguments being the message you intend to convey very confusing at the end.

        I found some statements though that caught my attention( not knowing exactly what you mean):

        ” I get what you are saying. What I’m saying is that your actual traits are showing by how you approach this particular theory.”

        I do not see this as an approach, I see it as an analysis of a process resulting of (the author’s) own experiences and observations that are reinforced by the experiences of many of the participants on this blog. That is a big difference!
        Do you mean that the information given here is biased in favour of the narcissist since it is a narcissist himself who is providing it?
        If that is what you mean , it is very confusing for me to understand why you see it that way.
        The information is just a description of a process: the process of abuse.
        How can you say that it is biased ( in favour of the narcissist and victimising and devaluing the empath) if the information given:

        A. About the Narcissist :
        – defines him/her as an abuser
        -describes the common characteristics that are present in them: sense of entitlement , sense of superiority, lack of empathy, lack of accountability, blame shifting , sense of omnipotence, attention seeker etc.
        -describes the many manipulation techniques they have such as: gas lighting, intimidation,withdrawal ,triangulation, boundary violation, silents treatments etc.

        Do you find this description biased in favour of the narcissist? I might say not at all…I might say it is accurate coming from a narcissist himself.

        B. About The Empath
        -describes the main characteristics present observed on the persons that have been abused: good listener, truth seeker,positivity, honesty , love believer etc.just to name a few .

        Where do you find ANY victimisation or devaluation when describing this group like that? I might say : quite the opposite.

        C. Breaking the cycle/process of abuse and protection for further abuse.
        Besides the information given in A and B are many other techniques presented that can be applied as No Contact, shifting of mind set ( when necessary) etc. in order to end the cycle of abuse.
        Where do you find ANY victimisation or devaluation of the empath when the purpose is to empower her/him to leave their narcissistic relationship behind and not to be entangled again?

        Quoting another paragraph:
        ” You obviously don’t have to agree with me, I really don’t give a shit if you do, but I am a bit bored and the conversation would be fun if you are capable of any real self reflection that is.”

        How does the unbiased description of this process lead you to say that the author that provides the information has no insight /self reflection?

        The unbiased description of the process of abuse given here with the elements present in the process is a clear testimony of self reflection and insight.

        Isn’t it enough testimony of insight and self reflection when even though pertaining one of these groups can an unbiased analysis and description of this process be made and present it the way it is presented on this site and on the various books?

        Quoting another paragraph:
        ” It is self defense at that point and calling it anything else, especially traits, is spin, a lie of omission, projection, devaluing, victim blaming and probably a few I am losing over my anger at this conversation.”

        It is not the name ( talking about semantics) that makes the person but the person or persons that have a common denominator in patterns of behaviours and personality that give origin to “a name” .Mainly for the purpose of making the analysis and comparison easier when observing and describing any process and the elements participating in it. Whatever process it is.

        So how is the description of this self defence mechanism that is actually deployed by some devaluing, projection and a lie of omission?
        Since it is a mechanism that is deployed by some as self defence isn’t it a trait? Trait defined as: ” a distinguishing quality or characteristic, typically one belonging to a person”.
        If you deployed it every time you need it , it is certainly a pattern of behaviour /characteristic that you have within you: a trait.
        Whether it is genetically determined or not remains to find out but that you have it is undeniable: you can not just “borrow it”.

        All this leads me to the following question:
        Do you think that I am also biased into one direction by writing this just because I am a non narcissist? Or do you think that a person can actually have insight and self reflection this not being determined by the group a person may fit in ? What do you think?

        I do believe it is so: a person can reach a high level of self reflection, insight and self awareness regardless of which “group” he/she may fit in, that is not determinative. The determinant factors being others.

        And with this very long comment : I rest my case.

    2. HG Tudor says:

      There is no devaluation whatsoever. There is no victim-blaming. If you read the article and understood it you will have realised that I did not state they become narcissists but rather the narcissistic traits come to the fore.

      1. Theresa says:

        “rather the narcissistic traits come to the fore.”

        I read it and understand where you are coming from.

        I added an additional comment that hasn’t been moderator approved yet and used the word projection. That is what you are doing and in doing so you are devaluing.

        I’ll get into victim blaming another time. We have to start on this premise first.

        When someone who doesn’t have a Cluster B diagnosis, they don’t have narcicsitic traits, not really, and to keep that opinion confined to this subject… if they reflected narccicssim in any way you guys wouldn’t have a damn thing to do with them.

        And you know it.

        Narcicsitic traits are by nature negative, manipulative, mean, etc. They are designed to get a goal accomplished by not only unfair means but specifically with a style that is anti social. They also are the meat and potatoes of what makes a personality diagnosis or doesn’t.

        People in this space aren’t “sick”, their brains work differently and therefore have a disordered view of the world.

        I’m going to assume you will remember me, ;), so for the sake of clarity when I say Cluster B, I’m almost always talking about ASPD(psychopaths and sociopaths) and Narcicissts.

        When you call them traits you are projecting. In multiple ways. Number one, and in my opinion the most important, the goal and CONSEQUENCES of the behavior.

        When normal people pick up these tactics they don’t become traits. They are using them to defend themselves.

        Bottom line, the type of people you are saying have these tools as traits would never ever use them had they not been attacked by a narcicisst or ASPD. They are used specifically and as an action to defend against an attack.

        And then they are dropped when these normal people come into contact with ANYONE ELSE but those who are like the abuser.

        That doesn’t make them traits.

        And that means you are not only projecting the goal of these learned actions but you are devaluing the traumatic mess that these actions oriented from.

        Being abused.

        Which briefly brings me to victim blaming.

        A victm has a specific definition that depends on which party originated the action. And the victim isn’t considered a participant when they are defending themselves.

        I will argue semantics all day long but I will tell you the same thing I stand by with my mom, real life consequences trump (haha) intentions.

        It doesn’t matter if normal people feel like absolute hell after employing these tools, they shouldn’t anymore than someone who shoots an intruder who is attacking their kid.

        It is self defense at that point and calling it anything else, especially traits, is spin, a lie of omission, projection, devaluing, victim blaming and probably a few I am losing over my anger at this conversation.

        I’ve had it too damn many times with police and random men around me, I am not participating in the “drama” when the human who is abusing me didn’t give me the chance to actually consent to what he KNEW he was and what the consequences of his arrogant decision to override my consent meant.

        Anything I do to defend my kids and self from someone who is going to keep coming back is just that..Self defense.

        Now. This super type may have the jump on how long this is going to drag out and therefore cuts their Cluster B off at the pass and that might feel like they have the same traits because how could a lesser normal human be that smart…

        But some of them are. And they are neat people and for someone on the cluster B range who can take no for an answer…Those people are amazing reality checks.

        But their understanding and ability to execute the game when attacked isn’t traits. It’s probably prior experience.

        Something that narcicissts like to ignore on themselves but normal people do not.

        Also, lots of the folks on the ASPD range also do not ignore experience. They thrive on it and seek out these people because they understand that they have something the cluster B is missing.

        Which brings me to say some background on me would probably help explain the surety of my stance. Also, so you can decide wether you want to ask me questions as opposed to arrogantly stating that I don’t understand you if I disagree with your premise.

        I assure you that you are not my first rodeo.

        My mom is a scary human being. And not in the violence space, although she can be, primarily in her understanding of how to understand her fellow humans.

        My 21 year old son always says the FBI should employ people like her as lie detectors.

        I will note that since these disorders are genetic, there is a high possibility that I fall into the cluster b range as well, along with at least one of my children, but I will be damned if it’s narcissim. That kind of behavior would be the only thing that would get violence out of me towards any of my children.

        A quick side note, my mom was diagnosed as a sociopath when I was 12, I’m 40 now. So back in the day when they had Psychopaths and Sociopaths separated. She grew up in a REALLY fucked up family situation, her dad throwing an ax at her sister and missing my mom’s head by about 8 inches when it lodged in the bedframe is the one that always stands out to me. It’s one of many.

        She was hell bent on ending the abuse cycle so she did lots of therapy and always told me if I have kids to do the same. I did. She also talked to me about how her head works, I’m the oldest. She’s an interesting human to say the least and I have firm rules and boundaries for her in relation to my kids, because she is who she is and I don’t judge that but I also won’t tolerate her “playing” with my kids. My kids are 21, 17 and 9. They all rock, the 9 year old is a bit of a mess but my husband and her dad have made that bed and she’s also in therapy.

        So. Abuse cycle interrupted. We talk about all kinds of types of people and behavior patterns and the only time I would ever flip shit on them is when/if they refused to exercise kindness and logic.

        I get what you are saying. What I’m saying is that your actual traits are showing by how you approach this particular theory.

        You obviously don’t have to agree with me, I really don’t give a shit if you do, but I am a bit bored and the conversation would be fun if you are capable of any real self reflection that is.

        My husband certainly is. Apparently that makes him a higher. Explains why he got better at his game the longer he was around me.

        I plan to correct that mistake ASAP.

        Peace and love and toodles! I’m going to go watch my youngest perform!

        1. kimmichaud1 says:

          I have to disagree when u say people who don’t have a personality disorder don’t have narcissistic traits yes they do and my therapist has told me this many times everyone has narcissistic traits, it’s a spectrum when it gets to the extreme then it becomes a disorder. I’ve never felt blamed on here the first thing I remember reading is that a narc will always devalue no matter what you do. This is clearly blaming the narc not the victim. As far as romanticizing things hg is the least romantic person ever, I find him to be save for a few occasions when he’s witty, to be completely cold blunt and matter of fact. He is not the type to hold hands and sing cumbaya. I think if u read more of his posts you will realize he is not blaming the victim.

    3. kimmichaud1 says:

      U are so off base on this one my entanglement with a narcissist brought my narcissistic traits out big time I did things completely out of character at one point I was close to killing him or hiring someone to kill him and I’m a person who’s never so much as slapped someone I turned into a selfie,whore which I always found disgusting my empathy for other people went into the toilet because I was so obsessed with him I have to disagree with you just cut it never happened to u doesn’t make it any less true

    4. K says:

      Theresa
      Trust me, nothing is romanticized here at all and I don’t feel victimized either, quite the opposite actually. It was a bit ambiguous at the end of your comment, but it was the application of my narcissistic traits that saved my sorry empath ass from my MMRN. Empathy almost destroyed me and my naivete/stupidity was astounding.

      1. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD. says:

        K,

        My narcissism and pride is what saves me every single time.

      2. K says:

        Dr. Q PsyD
        Ain’t that the truth! And thank God for them!

    5. DebbieWolf says:

      Theresa

      Interesting points.

      We are all entitled to our opinions and HG allows them on His blog. No bans for having different views. It is quite open here.
      One of my own opinions is that HG doesnt write bullshit in his work.

      Ever.

    6. J says:

      I cannot speak for all Super Empaths, but, as for me, Theresa, you are wrong and HG is completely right. Having been raised by an N, I definitely access my N traits in the service of helping others, as described in this piece. One would find me to be loving, empathetic and quite normal, and I am actually… until and unless an N (usually Dad) messes with one of my loved ones. Then, SNAP, I can switch off the emotion and switch on my inner narcissist without shame or hesitation. I will wound, humiliate, intimidate, manipulate, silent treatment, build up, crush down, future fake and outright deceive and feel absolutely ZERO remorse afterward. It was a survival mechanism for me, you see. One does live one’s formative years in an inescapable Narc-created world without developing Narc-specific coping mechanisms, particularly when one is the oldest sibling. Without escape, one must learn to play that game better than the N.
      It is this trait within myself that somewhat assures me that a Narcissist is what a Narcissist does. I could have EASILY chosen to become an N myself… but I chose the other way and keep MY Devil’s Toolkit in the inner pocket just in case it was needed.

      1. theletterafterj says:

        J
        I love your fighting spirit. Very nice.

    7. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD. says:

      I personally don’t perceive the article as HG devaluing anyone. It is simply how he classifies and categorizes people. This doesn’t romanticize anything in my opinion. I’m just a little confused by this post to be quite honest with you. I don’t understand how this is perceived as devaluing and romanticizing…

    8. SuperXena says:

      Therese,
      I read your comment and makes me wonder if we are reading the same post? I quote some of your statements :

      -“Number one I don’t like the empath catagory. It makes this whole Cluster B vs not cluster B all romantic and mysterious. ”

      Do you have to like the concepts in order to understand them?

      -“This is LITERALLY RE VICTIMIZING your readers you jerk. ”

      Where in the post is any sign of victimisation?

      I interpret it just as the opposite!

      -“Normal people, with normal empathy do not lower themselves into the depths of some narcicisstic pool when they figure out how Cluster B people work. ”

      How do you define “normal” people? And that would be your interpretation of being normal.Nowhere in the article divides normal or no normal people. That is very subjective.

      “They “just” figure out the game.According to you: how they “just” do it?

      “And they use the weaknesses to fight back. ”

      Which weaknesses are you talking about?

      -“And you are right, it is a supernova, and it is beautiful to watch but they aren’t becoming narcicissts to do it. ” Where in the articles does it say they become narcissists?

      -“They aren’t accessing their narcicisstic traits or removing or dampening empathy. ”

      Nowhere in the article says they are removing empathy, it states that they KEEP their empathy while fighting back with help of their existing narcissist traits not turning them to narcissists. If it bothers you to use “narcissistic traits ” use another term as perhaps “defensive “traits.

      -” I have soooo much to say about this victim blaming but I am moving so that I can go all out on my narcicisst. ” Which statement in the article is “victim blaming”?

      -” Either way, this article is wishful thinking and devaluation of normal people (no diagnosis) on your part. ” Which statement on this article is an example of devaluation of normal people?

      -“Edited to add, in fact it is the application of empathy that lets these people figure out where the actions are coming from and how to get them based on all the stories that the narcicisst had told over the years.”
      How do you know that your statement is true? And if that is the case, how do you explain that you got entangled with a narcissist?

      The information and the concepts given here( and all the posts) it is just exactly that: concepts defining a process.
      So, I wonder are we reading the same article? Your interpretation really differs a lot from mine and then again it is just your interpretation of the information given here.
      I understand your anger but it could perhaps be more helpful to adopt a more constructive approach . At least trying to do it..

      1. Windstorm2 says:

        Superxena
        I totally agree with all you said. I’ve certainly never felt victimized here. And I am an empath. Always have been. There’s nothing “romantic” about it. It just is.

        1. SuperXena says:

          Hello Windstorm2,
          Thank you for your comment. Yes, as you said :” There’s nothing “romantic” about it. It just is.”

          -It is a fact that abuse happens ( unfortunately, but a fact) .That is undeniable.
          -It is a fact that the perpetrators of the abuse have their modus operandi. The input given by us bloggers corroborates the information given here . That is undeniable.
          -It is a fact that the persons who have been abused have been affected in different ways. And then again, the input given by us bloggers corroborates the information given here . That is undeniable.
          Perhaps I sound extreme in presenting a parallel here:
          It is like denying the fact that i.ex.
          Water (H
          2O) is a polar inorganic compound that exists , which consists of two atoms of hydrogen and one atom of oxygen.
          Even if you change the names of the elements in the compound process the elements remain and the result of the compound process is the same.I do not find anything romantic when understanding the process of water as a compound as much as not finding anything romantic when understanding the process of abuse and the elements participating in the same process as it is clearly presented here on this site.

          I do not understand why it is so difficult to grasp for some that these undeniable facts have been deeply analysed ,defined (and corroborated from both sides of the fence) with very concise and clear concepts here( placing both the abuser and the abused in different schools as a result of this analysis that arises from facts) .The precise key elements in the process of abuse are given here on a golden/ platinum plate for us not to be abused.

          Unless of course, some comments have another agenda…which is very transparent to some of us seeing how they turn to be mostly circular comments without any supportive arguments that continue on and on and on…

          Sometimes I wonder if it would be different for some not knowing that the information given here comes from a narcissist..in that case for me it would lose its credibility and I would doubt about its accuracy

          I hope my comment makes sense, I got inspired by your comment and I just had to …let it out.

          I hope as well that you are fine,

          Best wishes to you!

          1. Windstorm2 says:

            Superxena
            I’m fine and hope you are well. I always enjoy reading your comments. They tend to be logical and well thought out.

            Maybe it is easier for me to accept that people could argue with the molecular composition of water. I believe I have actually heard that done because, “we can’t really see anything that small to actually know what it is.”

            As an American I fully support our God-given right to be stupid. We are raised that everyone has the right to think whatever they want – facts are not necessary. And I’m proud of that. Individual freedom is essential for me. I think and believe a lot of things that would be censored in my area, if everyone didn’t agree that I have the right to be wrong.

          2. SuperXena says:

            Hello Windstorm2,

            “we can’t really see anything that small to actually know what it is.” You really made me laugh with that one! Well ,as you say there is freedom to believe what one wants ( and expressing it) and if that argument serves them well..so let it be…but that does not change the fact that the molecular compound does exist…regardless of what one might believe or how some interpret it.

            I think and believe a lot of things that would be censored in my area, if everyone didn’t agree that I have the right to be wrong.” I like what you say and I completely agree with you!

            I hope your grandchildren are healthy and feeling fine.

            Sent from my iPad

          3. Windstorm2 says:

            Superxena
            The grandkids have little colds but not too bad. I’ve been rocking the 3 month old. I love bonding with the babies. The 20 month old is my favorite. She’s a little empath. Love, compassion and happiness just shine out of her! ❤️

          4. HG Tudor says:

            Duly noted.

          5. SuperXena says:

            Hello Windstorm2,
            You surely are enjoying your grandchildren!
            The way you describe your favourite, your 20 months old granddaughter moved me. She must be lovely! Interesting that she radiates love ,compassion and happiness at such an early age. It must be wonderful to experience it.
            It made me wonder if one can sense the “opposite” in other babies or young children? That is to say if one can sense or detect ( following the theory that the narcissists might be born with those traits, imprinted in their DNA) how would it be manifested at a very early age?

    9. Caroline says:

      Theresa,
      I’m confused. Did you think that HG was saying that Supernovas turn into narcissists? I am having trouble pasting and copying sections of the article in this post, but I think if you re-read that particular section again, you’ll find he has not stated that at all. I believe he is explaining how the Supernova has learned passive aggressive tactics against the narcissist. I see no devaluing/blaming the victim.

      1. Caroline says:

        P.S. I understand you’re adverse to the labels (like “Empath”), but I look at it as a means to categorize for the sake of understanding, not meant to dehumanize … just similar to describing someone as “athletic” or “musical.” So “extra caring, compassionate, etc.” is just summed up with the word “Empath.”

        1. K says:

          Simon Baron-Cohen uses the term empath throughout his book, The Science of Evil: On Empathy and The Origins of Cruelty.

          HG
          You are type N-zero negative = narcissistic, zero empathy, negative (cruel). I relabeled you type NS-zero negative. narc/sociopath.

    10. Diva says:

      Theresa…..I can only state my own truth……that when I read this specific article it answered many questions that I had regarding my own behaviour and traits from my past in minute detail. It was not something that I particularly wanted to read, nor what I want to be, but I can only acknowledge it for what it is personally to me. The truth…….Diva

    11. Mercy says:

      Wait there was romance??. Where was I during this romance thing?….dammit I miss all the good stuff.

      I can assure you nothing HG has written has made me feel like I just walked out of a chick flick…i feel informed. He writes about his perceptions of empaths thus informing us of how a greater narc may categorize his victims. It’s up to us to take the information and apply it to our current situation or discard it because it doesn’t fit.

      And I do not feel victimized. I feel empowered.

    12. Super Empath says:

      …………Normal people, with normal empathy do not lower themselves into the depths of some narcicisstic pool…………

      Theresa:

      Oh YES we do!

      I’ve gone into SNM (as of Oct 1) and I’m doing the above right now.

      He left on the 25th (after giving me the silent treatment since Oct 2), he packed his bags and snuck out, like the coward he is, not even bothering to leave a note (he’s a joke). I knew he was going to a hotel, as that’s what he likes to do to cause me further pain (the never-ending cyclical no contact thing).

      This time I was armed and ready for my own course of reaction. As soon as the bank opened I went down and drained most all the money out of our joint checking account.

      When his simpering raging ass found out, he shows up at the house. Ha ha, he couldn’t get in (I had locked the garage doors). He started running around the back of the house at lightning speed. All the doors were locked, with blinds drawn, nope he can’t get in, so back around to the front he comes. I’m peering through the front blinds watching him stand in front of his car. I could see he was raging, his body rigid and firm, he finally got in his car, backed-up and stopped too check the mail. And then sped off.

      Oh, but wait, he comes back, flying up the drive-way, jumps out and is running to the front door (he had remembered he had a key–oh crap, I admit I wasn’t expecting that). I held on tight to the bolt and screamed through to door what do you want. He tried to be as calm as possible and said like the big bad wolf, “I need my cloths.” I know this freak, he was raging and was about to blow. I holler back you are scaring me go away. He’s becoming unraveled and screams “this is my house I OWN IT, you can’t keep me out.” I shouted back you already packed all your belongings and left this morning and I know you are filing for divorce. You are acting deranged right now and I’m afraid, you can come back later.

      He screams, open the door, I repeated, you are REALLY scaring me please go away and then gleefully added, “I am on the phone with the police right now and they are on their way,” (ooops, he wasn’t expecting that) — he quickly jumps in his car and sped away.

      The police arrive, actually three of them in separate cars! Yes, yes I know the law says I can’t legally keep him out, but again I know his ego, he most likely won’t come back. He doesn’t want his false persona and/or personal reputation obliterated. He’s now off kilter and doesn’t know what I’ll do.

      While, yes, I was actually scared beyond belief, I’m getting great joy and satisfaction knowing he’s in a stew.

      I recorded the entire incident, while on the phone with the police, which I’ll hand over to my own attorney for further proof he’s a nut job. There’s a whole lot else going on but I must be vague so as not to tip my hand right now…….just by the slight chance he stumbles onto this site.

      Note: When I’m finished squashing my own MRN, and the ink dries on the documents, I’ll return to normal with a better more brighter light, as if coming from straight from Heaven.

      1. Kimi says:

        Super Empath,

        Excellent offense! Be prepared to battle! HG has relevant works regarding divorce and legal battles to help guide you. I been through this and understand. Wishing you strength, perseverance and success!

  16. Just Me says:

    Not sure if I went Supernova or just Mama Grizzly.

  17. Kim Winters says:

    Thanks to you, HG, for putting into words and giving clarity to what I have experienced. After years of being together , breaking up, being together, breaking up……..
    I reached the point where I FINALLY had enough. It felt like I had a breakthrough and he didn’t matter anymore.
    So , yes, I did play a few headgames back at him. And yes, I called it playing chess! I even allowed the last Hoover to be successful, so that he would think he was back in control. He was not. I had figured him out ( granted it took me long enough ) and felt like another go at the grand CHESS game. Needless to say, I won.
    In complete honesty, I must say, I did not know he was an UMR narcissist, nor that I am a super empath. All I was armed with was the knowledge and determination that I had had enough. I did to him what he had done to me and walked away smiling.
    You probably know that I have felt much guilt, pity and compassion for him because of my callous treatment. Yes, there have been many times that I felt compelled to check on him, as my “narcissistic traits” subside. However, as those traits were diminishing and my natural empathy was back-I happened to stumble across your blog.
    You have given names to all of it. You have reassured me that what I knew to be true -was true. That it has a reality. I thank you for the name, the definition, the exposure, the advice, and everything that you divulge. I thank myself for instinct and truth.
    I will keep reading your blogs ( I am sure you know that your silver tongue, words of wisdom, and the opening up of yourself has ensnared this super empath)
    (( wink )).

    1. HG Tudor says:

      You are welcome.

  18. Super Empath says:

    Via HG’s insightful website, I have now learned what and who I am (SE) and with whom I am dealing with Mid-Range Narc (MRN), with sociopathic tendencies. I’ve been with this most charming delightful pathetic nut going on six years and a few months. Only being married now for two years and two months. Funny as the number 22, which is double eleven symbolizes disorder and chaos. I digress with my fascination of numerology and its’ meanings.

    At the beginning of the month I was on vacation with my MRN, with my two married friends in tow. I noticed he was quietly sulking and often quiet, being the SE, I asked, “he you alright, are you not feeling well, is something the matter.” Of course, his reply was nothing was wrong, everything’s great. Until my research via HG’s website, I was clueless to what I was dealing with. He wasn’t the center of attention, as I was gleefully engaged with my friends and that, well just didn’t set right with him. Oh well.

    On the last day before my friends left, I sent out a group text to his three sons, with a picture of their father wearing his new sunglasses we just bought. The oldest was first to reply, then the middle and then the youngest (a narc of some sort-who cares which, also diagnosed with Bi-polar II, self-centered and an alcoholic-although he’s now “supposedly” clean going on five years), with his typical snarky remark. Well I had just had enough of his constant disrespect for the past six years plus (which of course, his MRN father, never tried to correct), I singled him out and texted him back, “No need to be a snot. I’m fully aware of your pumpkin convo. Try to be nice it’s better.” He responds coyly with, “Wait what?” Fully aware of his tactics I immediately blocked him.

    Little back story on the above is required to understand the scenario. From Day One of being involved with my own MRN, there was a constant battle between his three sons to garner their father’s attention and favor, as to who was #1, #2, or #3. It engulfed every single occasion (bar none), a birthday, a dinner, a lunch, a movie (really whatever), where one would group text the others, #1 out with Dad for my birthday and the others would quickly follow-up with their replies. Which I found to be pointless and boring, such a sick twisted demented game. The three boys also delighted in taking cracks at me and were often disrespectful, especially the youngest. I have lost track of the number of conversations and pleas for my MRN to please communicate to them their disrespectful behavior was unacceptable, which of course, he never did. I have now come to understand, thanks to HG, this was excellent fuel for my MRN.

    I digress, back to the original story at hand. My correcting his youngest son’s behavior and calling him out (something I had never done before-I always ignored) caused my MRN to fly into a blind crazy deranged rage. Yep, he was drunk and his “mask” fell off. He ultimately withdrew to the bedroom to find out what this nut job’s problems was now. He was in the shower just spitting out insults and digs, oh they were mean and meant to sting. Being “unenlightened” at the time, I was stunned by his childish reaction, I just didn’t understand (nor did my friends) and as usual was met insults and yes, I bit and went blow-for-blow. After I retaliated with my own comments, I grew tired of it all and started to walk off when he then shouts out, “go get another drink. WELL, this didn’t set right with me as I knew he was referencing his former alcoholic wife, knowing I rarely drink, I instantly became enraged. I whip back around and said, “what did you say?” He repeated it with delight. All I could see in his eyes were well nothing, black and cold.

    He halted the trip short, as we had three more days left and announced we were leaving in the morning. I didn’t care, I was sick of the mere sight of him and couldn’t imagine being trapped with him any longer, plus it was scheduled to rain for the next few days.

    Once we got home on the 2nd of October, he immediately moved his things into the Guest Bedroom, oh here goes another silent treatment (a tactic he used quite often). I was relieved, as I repeat, I was sick and disgusted with him and merely being in his presence made my skin crawl. WELL, it’s now the 24th and I’m proud to say I haven’t responded to him in ANY way. When he comes home I retreat to the master suite, close and lock the door.

    HG has helped me realize I have gone into Super Nova mode. While he’s fiddling around with his junk, I’m playing 3D-chess. Yes, I plan to divorce (I told him so), but at my own pace, not his (didn’t tell him that). I have gathered and secured all financial information, printed incriminating emails, documents (he forged my signature on two legal documents) and found the perfect attorney. I’ve contacted movers and am carefully planning my exit strategy. I’m waiting for this coward to file first. Then I shall strike back with fury, with all that I have on him, he will be knocked off that fragile pedestal his cowardly stands on.

    I intend to annihilate him and make him pay for all the games he has played at my expense. Once complete, I shall return back to myself, a SE, with a light that shines even brighter than before.

    So, HG, many thanks and kindest regards to you. You have taught me so much about myself and the world full of narcs, not even my own Trauma Counselor has provided with such insight (been seeing her for almost one year plus). While to her credit, she did diagnose him as a narcissist, she is limited in her abilities to help me fully understand and heal.

    Not with HG, as a is one, I now know I will be just fine.

    (PS: I have never posted on a discussion board until now (I am 55), that’s how valuable this place is to our kind in need of answers.)

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Hello Super Empath, thank you for your kind comments about the way by which my work has assisted you and congratulations on losing your discussion board ‘virginity’. You are clearly seizing the power and I should imagine that other readers will find your further contributions of interest and assistance.

      1. Super Empath says:

        HG:

        No sir, it is I who thanks you. I find you highly interesting, widely intelligent and extremely brilliant. I only wish I knew you ‘in person’ as I am sure our discussions would be most satisfying indeed. Yes, I have been lurking on your board for a while, reading and absorbing all you share.

        AND, yes, my Discussion Board virginity is no more.

        I have only good thoughts and well wishes for you. I understand, oh to well, how you became the person you are and I’m sure via your “good doctors,’ this is something you know. I too was surrounded by my own plethora of Narcs, my mother (dark & evil), enabling father (highly functioning narc), sister, brother, former husband and one former boss, even sadly my own son and now my current husband. Yikes, who knows how many more!

        By the grace of God, he protected and shielded me from becoming just like them. With your help I know understand the past and present and am now truly healed. I am also armed with sufficient tools to go forth in the world and protect myself from them, as they try to drain my brain.

        Special Regards to you,
        SE

        PS: I have only one comment, I do wish you had an editing feature for posts, as I noticed in my previous one, there were errors. I hate errors and it would be nice to clean them up.

    2. Windstorm2 says:

      Super Empath
      Glad you’re here and best of luck to you! Look forward to your future comments!

      1. Super Empath says:

        Winstorm2:

        Hello! Thank you, I think I like it here, I’ve learned so much and am utilizing all the tools, tricks and tips HG so freely gives. The first of the month I went into SNM and I’m using everything I learned. Because I was enlightened, I planned and prepared and now my own MRN is now writhing in pain.

        AND, pleasure to meet you via this site.

    3. I hope this went well for you, usually it does when your all fired up.
      I also LOVE how HG has put a name to my exact “What”. Around age 40 I landed at “Global Empath” with the help of a friend. It made sense then because of these mood swings I get. She tracked them to coincide with global disasters. However, at 55 I now believe the mood swings arise from separate, inherited metaphysical traits. I mention it as you mentioned numerology. Super Empath & UgaBuga type things are difficult to separate. I’m actually not sure if the two should e separated, but definitely recognized each as it’s own.
      HG giving “That THING she does” a title (Super Nova) is equally awesome. My situation involves the MRN next door and a tiny golden town. She has executed flawless ambient abuse as if she were a greater elite narcissist. NO ONE can wrap their brain around it.
      It is really quite simple: For 40 years on her first break she goes into city hall to chat with the office staff, around the corner to the cop shop if she wants, and then across the street to the post office. (SmearSmearSmear) In 15 minutes or less and without leaving the city block. If need be she can go half a block more to pharmacy, hardware (farm community), senior center and bank….AND she does. I call her the ” Nepotism City Bugle “, among other things. Fire chief for a brother, Mom, a county sheriff (RIP), and a cyberstalking state police officer for a sister. Boom Baby, stuck in Super Nova for months, aged 10 years, exhausting. (Fighting corruption on behalf of everyone, HG called THAT, too) So, I am saying maybe don’t wait to long for him to file first. If divorce is the right thing to do, well, can you see the narcissist doing it? I keep reminding myself I can’t possibly begin to think like their kind.
      (FORTUNATLEY, I CAN LET HG DO THE THINKING FOR ME, I STICK WITH THAT)
      Hate for you to be waiting, loosing all your fire locked in your room while he goes out and replaces his IPPS. Don’t let yourself wilt….take your vitamins and all that! Best of luck, thanks for the post.

      OH! For information on how to be cyber safe, because your very open to your Narc’s snooping, search #OpSec on Facebook or twitter, easy peasy lemon squeezy.

  19. Wendy says:

    Actually made me giggle at the end this . Think thats why i stuck with mine because i like a challenge oh boy was i not ready for that ! I hope im a super empath i do like the last word and revenge is sweet so i guess my slight narcissist traits are in play at the moment 😉

  20. Emily Lancer says:

    That’s really interesting HG, one of the things I have struggled with most is how much I changed through my ‘brief encounter’ with Narc. As the year went on my usual Facebook rants about iniquality and others in crisis stopped and my page was filled with selfies.. even beach and swimsuit pictures. I didn’t notice it until after but I seemed intent on showing my popularity, confidence and attractiveness (not that I am) to the world and him in particular via social media. Especially when he was ignoring me!! I wouldn’t class myself as a super empath, I am definitely ultra sensitive, and undoubtably have strong empathetic traits but I also displayed strong codependency traits when around him, never before have I done that. Anything would go. I look at my time line now and it makes me cringe. Can the lines be blurred?? Thanks

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Yes, it can be difficult sometimes to distinguish the traits and the most effective way is to observe them over a longer period of time and have the assessment occur by an objective individual also.

    2. kimmichaud1 says:

      Emily u are describing me to a tee prior to meeting my narc I only ever posted pics of my daughter after time went on my posts were endless selfies of myself even myself in just a bra with my cleavage showing and ones of my legs in high heels lost many a Facebook friend over this and was called a whore many times but I couldn’t stop I used to think women who posted self is were disgusting but I turned into an attention whore I have pics of myself in lingerie on my Facebook I never dreamed I would ever become like this so out of character for me

      1. Emily Lancer says:

        I find it really odd. To be honest iv’e always been very each to their own on the selfie thing, but I guess part of it was that he actually gave me confidence… enough to make myself look like a tw*t on FB but I got better at the sport I play and how I conducted myself at work. But on the flip side I lost interest in the things that used to be important to me and it’s that side of it that had messed up my life. Also I thought I was in equal footings in our game but it turns out I was playing a different version and was out maneuvered and stitched up. Suddenly the real me came back and went WTF (thanks HG!). So much to fix including myself. I lost he won, he got lots of fuel. Possessive, negative but loads of it. Nothing from me though…. It’s hard not to get back in contact with all the questions that I have. That throws me.

  21. Tappan Zee says:

    I doubt they are massive

    ^funniest little inset ever 😭

  22. Mercy says:

    Unless a super truly escapes, she/he will pay for their super nova episodes in some way. Wounding a narc is dangerous because they never forget. I’m pretty good at choosing my battles but I have been pushed to the point that reasoning is out the window and pure revenge takes over. I do not feel bad about it or regret how it hurt him. I do regret giving him another tool to use against me though.

    1. Caroline says:

      Very wise words, Mercy.

      As a little funny…Before I knew he was a narc & went NC, I was so irritated at realizing all the mind games he had played – and how he had taken advantage of my compassionate, trusting nature (lied to me repeatedly about a “crisis”) – that I actually toyed with the idea of wasting his precious time by signing him up for about 50 unwanted magazine subscriptions..I could just see him fuming over all the calls he had to make to cancel “Cooking While Crafting” or “The Doggies of Denmark.” It’s just the kind of thing that would unnerve him.

      But I resisted… because it truly IS junior high behavior – would only hurt the magazine companies – and I’d feel ridiculous! Was I really 12 years old? What next, 100 anchovy pizzas to his door? Really now.

      The correct answer is GOSO.

      1. Mercy says:

        Hahaha but seriously Caroline, that would have been great! And done in a way that you can’t be blamed!!

  23. Sophia says:

    I have often wondered if there are lesser super empaths, etc.. My patience was up and down often with my L/MMRN. My reactions often depended on how much I had seen him.
    There were a few times where I hit him. Once, I threw a glass of ice water in his face. Strange thing? The first time, he got hard after I hit him and called attention to it. I was baffled.
    I rarely get angry. I’d say half the time I’m not even sure if it is anger. I’m always the first one to say I’m sorry in my friendships and relationships. However, I never apologized for hitting him or throwing the water. I don’t think it’s ever ok to hit, especially women that hit knowing that they won’t get hit back.
    As crazy as it sounds, I still feel like he deserved it each time. I never worried about my temper. He’s the only man/person that has made me that upset. I never worried about unleashing it on him either.
    He told me I was abusive. I told him I’d have rather him hit me than mind fuck and betray me. He changed the subject.
    I feel like he’s in “stalemate mode” even though he’s only a cowardly MRN. I think his “creature” gets the best of him often and he has a high turnover. He never really goes away completely, and I haven’t properly imposed No Contact so obviously I get a kick out of this as well.
    Are super empaths rare? Or am I just a great appliance?

    1. HKGirl says:

      Sophia,

      One of the last encounters I had with my NH, he used things he learned in our Imago Therapy about my horrific childhood to attack me with. Things I have never told or trusted to anyone but a therapist.

      I punched him in the face. Right square in the nose. I’m 5’4”. He’s 6’2”. I am standing there in this brand new sexy nightie thing, bought to celebrate the purchase of our new home after finally being able to move to where he works… and he starts a damn argument about how he shouldn’t have to do anything for our anniversary because his late wife never expected him to.

      And I said cruel things about his late wife and her suicide so he dumps on my childhood. And he’s gushing blood all over me and the carpet.

      He drops to the floor, howling like an idiot and I can’t hold my bladder. No clue what that was about. But I am just standing there like this surreal moment out of Carrie.

      And then I did the unspeakable.

      When he realized what I was doing, he threw me off of him and beat the crap out of me, but I don’t remember feeling a single blow. I’m sure I was in some sort of dissasociation by then.

      The next morning he kept telling me everything was going to be fine and he forgave me and he wasn’t going to have me arrested and I didn’t need to worry and all the usual crap. I couldn’t see out of either eye, had a fat lip and little dots all around my neck. His nose wasn’t even swollen.

      But it woke me up. To just how dangerous he could be and how deeply he was affecting me and how disordered I had become.

      And as others mentioned, I suffered for the things I said and did to him. They were empowering in the moment, but led to remorse, guilt and the inevitable feelings that it’s not who I am. That having suffered unspeakable abuse as a child, I hated causing pain in others and realized that I should have walked away so much earlier than I did. But the same mindset that doesn’t want to cause pain is the mindset that always wants to see the good in others and believe they are better than their actions.

      I am wiser today. And I know that if the adrenaline is flowing, I have a mean right hook!

    2. HG Tudor says:

      Super Empaths are fairly rare, yes.

      1. Diva says:

        Can you spot Super Empaths on the blog HG??? If so……how many do you estimate there have been here on this blog since the blog began???? Many here seem to believe that they are one (including myself) but you seem to indicate that they are likely incorrect……Diva

        1. HG Tudor says:

          I can. With some I would need more information. I cannot provide an accurate figure but it is low.

        2. Super Empath says:

          Diva hello, how are you, I pray your answer is well.

          I am a Super Empath. I have been lurking on HG’s site for something soaking up all the knowledge he leaves behind. Only started posting just recently.

          Via reading for hours on end, I became enlightened as to what I am. I also became, became unfortunately aware that I was dealing with a MRN (my husband-for now), with sociopathic tendencies. Ugggggg.

          I always knew I was different, a clairvoyant, a psychic, a mind reader — I didn’t know what exactly. I only knew I possessed some kind of special powers. Via this site, I found the answer to my life long quest to becoming enlightened.

          I was actually looking for information on Narc’s, as my Counselor had said he was one. I found all the answers to what I needed to confirm about him and accidentally in the process learned what I am.

          Right now I’m in ‘Super Nova,’ mode. As my own Narc had finally stepped beyond what I was willing to endure (explained in another post).

          My light has turned off and I am the beginning stages of divorce. Once complete and free I will allow my light to shine bright and free.

          Until then, at the very moment, I am a SN.

          1. Diva says:

            Hi Super Empath I read a few of your posts and it would appear that you are going through a tough enough time of late, but you appear to be holding your own!!!! Did HG state that you were a Super Empath or is this what you yourself believe to be the case? The only reason I ask is that HG states that they are rare and low in number. I thought I was one too but now it’s highly unlikely. In any case welcome to the blog!!!!!……..Diva

      2. Somewhere over the rainbow says:

        And I think they need no “stamp” on them. I was in a hurry (emotional thinking) and I wrote things on your blog (about being one) that I surely regret. I think I don’t even want to know what I am. Not hurting others should be my priority.

  24. kq says:

    For the first time ever (reading your work) my ex’s reactions fit all 3 levels of narsisst to some extent. That’s scary.
    I’m undoubtedly a super empath. I enjoyed fucking with him in the end, watching him get anxious and paranoid and then I escaped.

  25. HKGirl says:

    Hmm.. I would have to say I identify with the Super Nova Empath description.

    My NH was a widower and could not stand to be judged by anyone over his wife’s suicide. When his affair came to light, I no longer allowed him to devalue me with his BS about what a loving & devoted husband he was to her (which contradicted what he had said about her in the beginning of our relationship). When he continued I threatened to “out” his affair to his former in laws and anyone else that would listen.

    I had no clue what I was doing at the time, but it was effective.

    He was let go from his job earlier this year. He blames me entirely. He went from making $500k a year to not being able to find employment.

    In the months before I left him, I couldn’t tell him we were low on milk that he didn’t accuse me of criticizing him. I’d tell him it was tiring and tedious and could he please grow a pair?

    It didn’t matter what I felt, said, or did.. it was a criticism. By that point, I just no longer cared. I’d try, but I got nothing in return.

    In the end, I did out his lies and it resulted in quite the meltdown from him.

    However, he still won’t sign the final papers and sent me those odd, used (worn) tshirts for my birthday with the creepy card. (Post on other thread hasn’t posted) Makes sure I know we can’t work because “I ruined it all” but calls me screaming if he hears through the grapevine I might be dating (which I’m not, I think he just makes stuff up).

    Anyhow, I was emancipated at 16, have supported myself, and while I struggle to disengage, I don’t struggle to stand up for myself and can usually see his next move before he makes it.

    Not “thanking” him for the tshirts netted me a scathing email and a new round of ridiculous property settlement changes. None of which will fly with a judge, but look more like a child’s temper tantrum. Which, I suppose, is exactly what it is.

    1. Tappan Zee says:

      I had no clue what I was doing at the time, but it was effective.

      ^HK yaaaassss!

    2. K says:

      HKGirl
      “could he please grow a pair?” Made me laugh. I think he was a mid-ranger.

  26. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD. says:

    Boom 😎🔥😎

  27. Lori says:

    HG, do you, in your honest opinion, think a true one would admit to being one?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Admit to being what, Lori?

      1. Lori says:

        A Super Empath who becomes a Supernova…..

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Yes, they can recognise it, although there is a tendency for people to think they are that when they are not, as mentioned in the past.

  28. Sandra Muller says:

    The empathic supernova as described here sounds like an empath that got smart, right?
    If the empathic supernova is super smart, why would they engage in manipulating the narc using the narc’s techniques? isn’t the best revenge to go no contact and ignore them?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Because they remain governed by their emotional thinking which causes them to continue to engage albeit in a manner of fighting back. Logic would cause them to GOSO.

      1. Fox in Snow says:

        Thanks ! Very clear. I like that you explain everything clearly and direct. This is my other account. I’m Sandra muller. Cheers !!

        1. HG Tudor says:

          You are welcome.

      2. Somewhere over the rainbow says:

        Touché!

    2. Sookie Stackhouse says:

      Sandra, it is possible to supernova while no contact 😉.

  29. Ashley says:

    Hg is this an example of being a super empath in super nova?

    MR narc criticizes me for the third time in the car on a road trip then I glare at him with a look like I will kill you. Then, I give him the silent treatment, just glaring at the road in front of us, not saying a single word for the rest of the 3 hour drive. When he asks if I am hungry I just turn my head and shake it and then refuse to eat any dinner.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      That in isolation is not a supernova event, however if it continued beyond this it may form part of a supernova event.

      1. Ashley says:

        thank you for the response HG. For about the last two months I was with my ex I would give him the silent treatment at least a few times a week. For some reason that is how I reacted to him. I have never done that to anyone else.

  30. Diva says:

    Well here is my calling card…….Diva

  31. Twilight says:

    Is this trait just with the SE?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Yes.

  32. Salome says:

    Supernova=Sadistic Empath?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      No, Salome.

      1. Salome says:

        But we have such à pleasure punishing our Narcs…

        P.S. Can I read your new book before 7 000 000 hits?
        XOXO

  33. BekaM says:

    Omg! I think I am a super empath, bc I did this to my narc ex-husband until he decided to divorce me. I fought back only bc I realized that he was hurting the children.

  34. narc affair says:

    Im always perplexed by the super empath title bc i find i have a lot of super empath traits yet i know myself to be codependant. I wont put up with extreme abuse and when i get my fill i retaliate. Im capable of being a bitch when im pushed to far but by nature thats not who i am. I always feel tremendous guilt after but at the same time like a weights been lifted. Its like a switch goes off and i retaliate against him. What really gets under my skin is when he has his evil irrtitating chuckle. Thats when i could slap him. Id never get physical but it really gets me angry. Since being with my narc i can only remember 2 times id classify as supernova based on the description and both times i ended it. Only one of those times did i go full no contact for a week.
    Supernova to me is being pushed to far and reacting with the gloves off.
    Given my empathetic/underassertive nature i put up with a lot and need to find a happy medium where i voice up more so it doesnt reach the point of blowup. Of course in a nonfuel way.
    Supernova can feel really good like the itchiest scratch being torn into. You feel good bc youre taking your power back and kicking them on their ass where they deserve.

    1. K says:

      narc affair
      Have you read Chained?

      1. narc affair says:

        Hi k…ive started it. It looks like itll be very helpful!

        1. K says:

          narc affair
          It is wild! I just finished rereading it last night.

  35. Windstorm2 says:

    I am not a super empath, but midrangers seem to react with me like the description in this article. I don’t ever supernova, but I will routinely criticize to back narcs off and maintain my independence. I never try to really hurt them badly, but I do deliberately wound – well, deliberately wound midrangers. Greaters just seem to consider it playful banter. I guess this is something regular empaths do? To keep from getting drained and ending up in a hospital somewhere?

  36. Sunniva says:

    Obviously….A God…after all….

  37. RJ says:

    I certainly went super nova empath. My focus was revenge, making life difficult, focusing on making my mid-ranger as miserable as I was. As always though, its futile, exhausting and a waste of your time. You are discarded and providing FUEL as you do this. When first reading about N’s, I thought gee maybe I was the narcissist as I exhibited some of the traits. Reading this reaffirms my thoughts I wasn’t and I am not.

  38. Mona says:

    I believe that a real Superempath is terrified about her own nastiness. She cannot stop to be nasty to the narc, although she wants control back about her dark feelings. She still has a conscience and never wanted to be like that or behave like that. It is a strong fight inside of this person to let not win the nastiness inside of her. Well, sometimes she loses this fight and that is the beginning of an everlasting fight against him.

    1. Caroline says:

      I get what you mean, Mona. After getting to a certain pushed-too-far point with the narcissist, there was something in me that had to really rein it in, to consciously resist fighting fire with fire…I absolutely had a fear about doing it – not so much that I lacked confidence to do it – but more that I didn’t want to BE that person. Instead, I booked it outta there (NC). I could feel that I was 1 or 2 encounters away from it being “Game On!” I get the same feeling when I see people bullying others, or any injustice type stuff…I get very intense.

    2. 12345 says:

      I agree. I wonder if the superempath doesn’t suffer twice the hurt because she still feels all of it. The narc feels almost nothing from the arrows flying at him. The super wants desperately for the narc to experience the pain she has felt but the narc never will. That has to be painful and a huge effort for the super. You’re right, it’s not her true nature.

      1. Sophia says:

        12345,
        Letting out our feelings is good because it makes things a bit lighter, in response to your comment above. 😊

        In response to the supernova, I feel everyone’s feelings. I can detect a stranger’s mood. Weird thing is, when he pushed the right buttons to anger me I didn’t have the ability to feel what he felt in that moment and I didn’t feel as bad about my reaction as I did to how badly he hurt me to make me that angry.

        Half of me wonders if empathic people rarely get mad let alone angry. That’s how I am, yet I carry hurt for a long time. Sometimes I think the key to not being hurt is anger. I forget to stay mad. 😄

        1. Windstorm2 says:

          Sophia
          That’s a very interesting idea. I almost never get mad or angry, but I can carry hurt for a long time. I certainly don’t enjoy feeling hurt and am intrigued at the idea of anger being a remedy. Probably wouldn’t work for me, though. I hate being angry too. But very interesting. Maybe that’s part of why anger is one of the stages of grief.

          1. Diva says:

            Hi Windstorm2…….I don’t get angry either……mine filters out via defiance…..I think…..I sure must have a lot on anger on board!!!!!….Diva

          2. robins359 says:

            Ditto!

          3. Windstorm2 says:

            Diva
            I don’t know how your childhood was, but I learned early on that my anger would result in punishment. And I avoided punishment as much as I was able. Rarely thru compliance, however. More covert defiance and hiding my activities and beliefs. I learned how to “push the envelop” right up to the limit – calmly with no emotion.

            I used to have a real problem with hurt feelings building up inside and making me miserable. I learned over the years how to free myself by releasing them into the wind and the earth. That way I am free and happy and there are no repercussions (I hope. I may have inadvertently fried some insects and earthworms! Lol!)

          4. Diva says:

            Hi Windstorm2……I really don’t remember much of it….apart from a couple of major events….one of which i am told did not happen, yet I can picture it so vividly……but maybe I dreamed the whole thing up…..as I always say…..ignorance is bliss……..Diva

      2. K says:

        12345
        I did not suffer once and I enjoyed everything I did to him. Wounding him felt powerful, satisfying and effortless. It was all instinct. Some things were deliberate and I enjoyed his fury; it was laughable compared to my father’s. My nature is to destroy, annihilate and obliterate. As a child I learned hatred and rage and they are two of my favorite emotions. I absolutely love hate and rage is beautiful.

        1. 12345 says:

          Well, there ya go. Everyone is truly different and each experience is different.

      3. Sookie Stackhouse says:

        12345. No. No double hurt. Narc throws the first punch and there is no pity for him when unleashing self defense. He set up his game but while he was too busy giggling about his own tiny victory, I was watching silently and waiting patiently. The narc I was entangled with is a lesser greater. Not even the best among the worst. The supernova phenomenon is intermittent and I even question if I am a narcissist during the phenomenon, hence there is no hurt because my empathy is eclipsed. I hope this helps!

        HG, I look forward to your upcoming article.

      4. WMK says:

        I identify with that which is described as the “superempath”. Perhaps the fact that we “feel” for others, this love, compassion, passion, empathy, and a slight sense of sympathy because we have more narcissistic traits than other empaths at least, IS our strength. As empaths, we generate or receive our own positive energy supply or fuel but as superempaths, we are less vulnerable, giving a little more bang for the NPD buck and maybe that is what makes us both attractive and dangerous at least to them. Our independence and knowing our own limits exhibits a level of self control, intelligence, and more self love than other empaths but not as much as normal people.The feelings themselves are a part of who we “really” are, and yet although the empathy, love, passion,and compassion rule our decision making and ultimately drive us more so than any other force, the fact that we are willing to fight back if it is for a greater good, and that we can tolerate and endure tremendous amounts of emotional pain, we rationalize the endurance of the negativity as the price we pay to perpetuate love and all things positive, as we cannot allow evil to overcome good. The acts of darkness of the individual with NPD cannot be let to destroy the light within us. A normal person would not endure such pain even for a greater good but the empath will. I think superempaths have a way of loving with such intensity, strength, and truth that enables us to persevere without as much internalization of the effects of the incredibly personalized and strong emotional devaluation, gas-lighting, ghosting, and other tactics deployed by the individual with NPD. A part of knows we can fight back if made to. Empaths are created with an ability to sense and love the wounded inner child of NPDs, even if we/they don’t realize that is what we are doing and superempaths can do so in a more balanced, in it for the long run fashion as we can trust in the light more so than other classes of empaths. Perhaps an individual with NPD, especially a Greater, would be most envious of the superempath variety because of our true emotional depth and self receiving or generating positive power. The energy to love them, to fuel them, help them, and care for them without as much fear of demise as the other classes of empaths. The attraction and desire to be with and/or continue to be with an NPD individual is a little more of a choice for us which may prove to make the individual with NPD somewhat nervous. And in a narcissistic society, it seems there are so many in need of nurture, compassion, and love. For me, caring, helping, and loving an individual with NPD is quite a challenge, often painful and heart-wrenching, but it has sometimes proven to be bring a greater sense of truth and beauty, a growing, and a new level of love which can be beneficial and even rewarding for both the empath and the NPD. Eternally hopeful, WMK

      5. Twice the hurt, yes, at the very least. I am looking for your answer to HG’s question: Did you bitch slap him down?
        And, NO, I am NOT afraid of Super Nova OR the dark ideas forced into my head. I rather enjoy being right and proving it, engaging my creative side keeps my spirits up.
        I do not suggest staying in a relationship for proving your right, fat waste of a rage energy. Better to rage yourself into a safe situation on the sly….cue spy music.

    3. K says:

      Hello Mona, I operate in my reality as an empath and I have a conscience because of that, however, when my narcissistic traits come to the fore, my conscience is completely erased. I have no guilt and no remorse. I am not terrified, I have depraved indifference and depraved mind. I am free to do whatever I want and I enjoy it immensely.

      1. Mona says:

        Hey K,
        yes, then you are a Superempath following HG`s description. I have had so many bad thoughts about my narc, wanted to destroy his business existence at first, was on my way to do it, gave him a good taste of his own nastiness, manipulated some people and then stopped it, because I was almost going too far. There was a boundary. I do not want to be like him. And I do not want to become a criminal.
        But what I actually did, I also do not regret or feel guilt. He deserved it. If he is unfair, I am unfair too.
        He had to struggle to build up the fake facade again.
        He knows now what will happen, if he hoovers me. Probably it is a challenge for him. Therefore NC forever.
        But…. it helps me a lot that I am not helpless and that I have means to be mean., that I can fight fire with fire or better with water.
        I learnt a lot of narcissistic phrases through this blog which I deliberately can use too. It works for narcs too..

        1. K says:

          Hi Mona
          The Supernova is mostly instinctual so you should not feel bad at all, even if you wanted to destroy his business. Those are all natural feelings and sometimes we are compelled, or impelled, to do things that we would NOT do under normal circumstances. You are not like him at all; I understand you and we share similar feelings. You are not mean; survival instincts kicked in and changed the way we reacted to the abuse. Your narc deserved what he got and I am happy you don’t feel guilty. You are are not helpless and N/C forever is the way to go. The logic here is excellent and, like you, I have learned a lot from this site, too.

  39. 12345 says:

    HG, what is the girl in “Who’s the Daddy”? That’s me.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      In danger, that’s what. Standard empath or co-dependent.

      1. JR Williams says:

        I had her pegged for a borderline for sure….

        1. 12345 says:

          I do have co-dependent daddy issues but I’m not borderline. My mood is pretty consistent and stable. Garden variety low self image woman doing my best to heal.

      2. 12345 says:

        Oh. So glad I announced that to everyone 😕

      3. Martha says:

        I can now see what i am. I was wondering if i was also narcissistic because now that i am awake and he admited his need to control, gets a high off humiliating others who disagree. He said he will come at people at the right time and attack. The look of dissapointment and hurt are his highs like ectstacy. Now, instead of fixing or rescuing, i see how he has done this to me and can stop and think before i react. Its driving him insane but maybe not really, idk. Luckily the light in my eyes is coming back. You elites are something else.

        I have come to accept thats how he is, he says hes only sharpening his skills and im sure as heck not going to stop him. I just can’t belive i tried and had no idea who i married. I love how he tried to tell me he saw a gift in me too, to make me feel better. Of course he did, now im home, haven’t worked. Everyone thinks im taken care of, im so lucky i married an amazing man.

    2. K says:

      Thanks for the announcement 12345 and I am happy it made you feel better. You are not a co-dependent, however, if you are unsure, you should read Chained. That helped me identify 2 CoDs, and I was using the AA definition of CoD and mistakenly thought some male relatives were CoD and it turns out that they are just alcoholic narcs.

      1. 12345 says:

        I will read that. I put myself in that CoD box because all my various therapists have always said that’s what I am. They never really helped me. Wish I could have all that money back!

      2. K says:

        12345
        The therapists are way off on this one. The book is mind blowing and everyone here should read it, especially, if she or he thinks they are a CoD. Some therapists are a complete waste of time and money. Get the book; you will not regret it; it is less expensive than therapy and the answers are accurate.

        1. Windstorm2 says:

          K
          Unfortunately some therapists are like doctors. They listen just enough to label you with a diagnosis that they are familiar with and know how to treat.

          1. HG Tudor says:

            Very valid observation.

          2. kimmichaud1 says:

            He are u a master’s or PhD doctorate in psychology ? Are u a psychology professor in a college or university ?

          3. HG Tudor says:

            No, I have no psychological qualifications.

          4. K says:

            Yet, you know more than most psychologists.

          5. HG Tudor says:

            About narcissism, yes.

          6. K says:

            WS2
            The sad thing is that some of these therapists don’t even consider NPD as the issue, and it ends up doing more harm than good for the patient. Some patients are made to feel they are responsible for their own abuse and that is a complete failure for the APA.

          7. Windstorm2 says:

            K
            Too true and labeling us as the problem fits in with our own fears since we’ve been taught that for years.

  40. K says:

    I do believe this statement is absolutely correct: The empathic traits cannot be shut off as they are wired into the empath’s dna.

  41. Patricia J says:

    This is exactly what happened to me after 12 years, 4 cycles with a GN.
    HG, In the beginning an several times throughout
    my dealings with this Narc, he would look me in the eyes and state,” Your Dangerous”.
    Of course, it always took me by surprise he would say this. After reading your blogs..I thought he was projecting what he was. Could it be he reconized I was a Super Empath?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      I suspect it was more that he was testing you to see what your response was to determine how under control you were or if you would present a problem regarding control. This would link into part of being a Super Empath and he no doubt recognised the constituent elements if he was a Greater.

  42. Caroline says:

    Oh my. I think, perhaps, I did a little Supernova action, toward the end…I certainly felt that the UMR-er was getting overwhelmed and rather confused in his attempts to control me. He started placating me some, and having to make quick exits in conversations – like I was throwing him for a loop. It made me realize he had to pre-plan a lot, just to deal. Without knowing he was a narcissist, my stance internally (toward the end) became: “I see your Game, and I am 3 steps ahead – so just try me.”

    It may explain why I felt increasingly defiant, not worn down. I did go more PA, which is not my usual nature. I shall ponder this possibility…

  43. S says:

    Does that mean that you know in advance that the target is a super empath or do you only realize when she starts fighting back? I’m just curious for myself because I fought back and am wondering if he (being a greater) knows what I am? Just as I know what he is?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Some of the preliminaries done during targeting and then testing during the initial stages of seduction will indicate a Super Empath.

      1. S says:

        So he knew I was a super empath. I’ve only just figured it out with your help.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          He will not have known it by such a description but he recognised the traits which constitute a SE, hence why you attracted a Greater.

      2. JR Williams says:

        May I be so bold as to inquire what those tests might look like?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Please see a future article on this.

      3. What is an example of a test that is done during initial stages of seduction to indicate a Super Empath?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Future article will explain.

      4. Sophia says:

        Will you be writing about these tests?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          I will.

  44. Kim michaud says:

    On some levels I feel like I am this because I have attacked him calmy pointing out all his inferiorities and am currently manipulating him and other times I think I’m codependent but I’ve never completely broken down I just can’t pinpoint what I am

    1. kimmichaud1 says:

      I also have a massive amount of narcissistic traits I’m sorry to say

      1. HG Tudor says:

        I doubt they are massive.

      2. Kim michaud says:

        No the comment turned me on I have the hots for this guy as it is he can slap me if he wants

    2. K says:

      Kim
      You are not a co-dependent but I think you should get the book, Chained, and read it. It may help you determine what you think you may be.

      1. kimmichaud1 says:

        Yes I definitely should

    3. kimmichaud1 says:

      HG compared to you not massive but I definitely have a rotten self centered bitchy side to me especially when it comes to men other than my actual narc he turned me into a kitten funny thing is a guy I’ve been talking to for over a year a few months ago called me a narcissistic biotch a few months ago I was just shocked he knew the term lol

      1. HG Tudor says:

        Did you bitch slap him down?

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