Holy Narcissist


The holy narcissist is one of the especially effective members of the narcissistic brethren. The attraction of religion but moreover being a member of the clergy carries with it considerable advantages for those of our kind who manage to install themselves within organised religion.

The holy narcissist is nigh on impeachable. What better authority can there be for always being right, always having the high ground and always being revered than as an instrument of God? The holy narcissist has the supreme power in his corner and a book full of phrases and sentences that he can turn to in support of his wisdom. He is here to do good work and by virtue of his position he is assumed to be truthful, kind, compassionate and empathic. The holy narcissist has one of the most effective facades one might hope to see amongst our kind. His is not a façade which has to be worked at through the careful application of community works, diligent industry at work and all round good guy in the neighbourhood. No, the holy narcissist has centuries of instilled goodness to drape around him in an impenetrable cloak of goodness. He has saints and apostles marching behind him, archangels hovering above him, charitable works to point to, the salvation of the sick, the poor and the needy, all woven into this vast façade.

Once he joins the clergy he can avail himself of this façade in an instant. There is no steady and incremental accumulation of the veneer of respectability like the rest of our kind but instead it is akin to placing a cloak around himself and immediately he has a façade and not just a façade, but perhaps the ultimate façade on which to rely.

He is the embodiment of goodness, God’s word flows through him and as such he can act with unquestionable authority. He has zealots ready to support him and to shout down the heretics. Even though organised religion may not wield the power that it once did, one would be foolish to underestimate its effect still. Even those who do not believe and readily bait and insult those who do, are likely to think twice before attacking a man of the cloth. They wear God’s armour and the indoctrination of people, even those who have rejected the notion of such a being, means they would hesitate before launching some kind of attack against a member of the clergy. I have seen it happen. Those who are vociferous in all other aspects still show a deference to that dog collar.

A position in religion appeals greatly to our kind. You are blessed with an instant authority. You have scriptures, texts and readings which are used as a form of law to castigate mortal man and thus allow the holy narcissist to maintain superiority. There are grand and ornate ceremonies which the holy narcissist is the centre of. He dresses differently from the simplicity of the Catholic black which distinguished from others in the community to the papal splendour of the man (almost) at the top. Decadence, shiny and glittering decadence abounds and he even is able to stand at preach at his fellow man and woman. How does he do so? From the elevated position of the pulpit. Proof, if proof were needed that he is greater than those around him and finds himself part way between heaven and earth.

Where confession plays a part he is able to absorb the sins of his worshippers. The narcissist always needs to know and of course knowledge is power. Being privy to the foibles, sins and vulnerabilities of someone on the other side of that screen (who is of course readily known) vests considerable power in the holy narcissist. He is able to scold and upbraid and is thanked for doing so. He doles out devaluation on a daily basis and is met with the grateful thanks of those who seek absolution.

Should you offend him you are not just discarded but you are banished, made a pariah and few can smear you so darkly as one who apparently operates from the side of light. Step out of line with the holy narcissist and see how quickly the community is mobilised against you. You are snubbed at church (if you dare to appear) and this tarring and feathering leaks out into the community as a whole as the holy narcissist does not just have a coterie but he has a congregation. He does not just have Lieutenants, he has vergers and sextons, he has bishops and archbishops who will close ranks and turn their backs on those who speak ill of one of their own.

Try to speak out and expose the holy narcissist and he will describe you as ‘troubled’ and that he will pray for you, further advancing how filled with goodness he is and there must be something seriously wrong and deviant with you if you are resorting to making accusations against  man of the cloth.

The holy narcissist has a position of considerable privilege. An ancient and powerful institution which resolutely supports him, the commanding word of God to dispense, the impressive façade and always the capacity to exploit a person’s fear of their own mortality. As it has been stated before, there were no atheists in the trenches. When the chips are down you either call out to God or your mother, usually both. When you know that despite all appearances, a person still has that need to call on a higher power when they are in fear, this places you in a powerful position.

This position comes with many benefits but the most attractive of all is the congregation. A loyal, devout conclave of fuel. Those who attend services, hold coffee mornings, raise collections, operate soup kitchens and so forth are the foot soldiers of empathy. They are inherently good people who care, who are honest and decent and they wish to exhibit their goodness through good acts and deeds. How they respond and light up when the holy narcissist moves amongst them thanking them for their endeavours. Their faces turn to the holy narcissist, rapt with delight, fuel gushing for them as the holy narcissist sweeps through his worshippers, drinking deep of their admiration, their love and their compassion. It is these people who are doing the dirty work, standing in the cold shaking a collecting tin, feeding down and outs in the less desirable areas of the city and walking mile upon mile to gather donations for the charity shop or food parcels. The holy narcissist will tap into this collective goodness and bolt it on to his façade. He will front the mission’s work, the output as he receives the earnest thanks of the disadvantaged and yet more fuel.

This congregation will round on transgressors, they will offer up delicious fuel as a host of secondary sources which has the holy narcissist positively drenched in the positive fuel. With firebrand enthusiasm, the holy preacher will set his sights on those who apparently do evil and will contentedly draw their ire and the associated negative fuel. He is unswayed. The Big Man has his back and with that it is ever onwards Christian soldiers. No matter what form this religion might take, there will always be holy narcissists in their numbers. There is so much that appeals and accords with the narcissist that organised religion will always attract our kind. The ready availability of unquestionable moral authority which is plated and welded to the narcissistic mind set of superiority, omnipotence and grandiosity makes for a heady concoction indeed. Many struggle to escape the clutches of a holy narcissist and if they do not comply, they are hammered into submission by one of the master strokes of organised religion, the concept of guilt.

Empathic individuals are burdened by guilt and with a book full of quotations that support this construct, the holy narcissist has a field day as he exploits this inherent trait of those who he deals with. You must never question him but you must question yourself because you are prone to sin, you are weighed down by guilt and therefore it is always your fault. It is manna from heaven for the narcissist. Everything about organised religion either elevates him or provides him with a set of tools and methods for keeping his congregation and worshippers submissive, appreciative and loyal. He is able to call on near total dedication and loyalty and if the occasional member strays out of line he has the means and the clerical muscle to either bring them back under his control or banish them into the wilderness. Exerting such control and being able to reap the fuel rewards demonstrates how supine his congregation becomes when it is in the hands of the holy narcissist.

No wonder it is referred to as his flock.

17 thoughts on “Holy Narcissist

  1. ava101 says:

    Hi HG,

    poor matrinarc had to realize during my christmas visit that her triangulation attempts with a former fellow student of mine who now writes for a christian magazine my mother uses for her facade, didn’t work with me. Nor with my sister who was just staring blankly at her. ;D
    Nor did it work to turn the temperature of the oven down when my food was in it, I kept watch. (How did you know?!).

    So, afterwards I watched a nice horror movie and also read about some stuff to understand what’s behind alleged “true events”.

    a) did you know that there is a thing called “dissociative possession trance disorder”? Reminded me somehow of your beast/whatever. But you have a different strategy or not such a low coping threshold as people with that kind of disorder, who repress parts of themselves. But you somehow share a very low self-awareness.

    b) I read about a case not far from here, but 40 years ago, where a girl died after more than 60 exorcisms performed on her by two priests. It’s all very horrible and the parents and priests did end up in court of course. BUT – it seems like noone ever got the idea to get a psychological assessment of them!

    One of the priests had written to the bishop to get his approval for the exorcism by stating he had himself had strange appearances in relation to that girl. Ridiculous things – but never questioned, only afterwards in a newspaper article. He seemed keen on that exorcism and told (in my eyes) lies to have that approved. In court, he didn’t seem to understand at all that he was made responsible for the death of someone and in an interview much later, he totally deflected. The girl also was alone with him at times.

    It is not all 100 % clear what they did, but they also tied the girl up, they said so she couldn’t hurt herself. She had black bruised eyes, nose, and destroyed teeth. She died of malnourishment, dehydration and exhaustion. None of the family or priests called a psychologist or doctor at that stage.
    [She had been diagnosed with epilepsy before and took heavy medication, which even says in its side effect information that it can trigger psychosis, hallucinations, and so on.]

    Long story short, the question is:
    Do you think that a narc in a twisted way might think that being part of an exorcism and commanding supposed demons around shows superiority? The priest wrote a book about that later, instead of being in prison …
    Could they have enjoyed torturing the poor girl?
    Wouldn’t the parents have to be unfeeling creatures themselves? They seemed to prefer to think that their daughter was possessed and dying a kind of martyr instead of having admit her to a psychological ward. Looks like that would have been more of a stigma …

    In the end the priests even said that no demon had answered anymore, but that they were continuing as a kind of atonement.
    The mother had assigned the girl at birth the role of a sacrificial victim, to atone for her own “sins” (having had a baby before getting married with another man).
    So, could it be that they found a perfect victim for themselves, which noone would ever question, and noone would question them in their roles?!

  2. NarcAngel says:

    Talk about conserving energy. This position is suitable for the very laziest and weakest of Narcs with no game.They need only wait while the lambs line up to offer themselves for slaughter and sacrifice. Must rankle them privately though that they can only be referred to as a representative for, but not the actual God they think they are. They can kiss my ring and Im not wearing any jewellery.

    1. Cordelia says:

      oh, good point, Narc Angel!

    2. ava101 says:

      Narc Angel: you know that at times the ass of the pope had to be kissed indeed?
      It had also to be proven that he is a man …

      1. Narc Angel says:


        So……you think Im the Pope?

  3. Snow White says:

    My preschool that I teach at is housed in a Christian church.
    I don’t trust any of the people in charge. That goes for the pastor, the owner, and all of the women who run the charity organizations. They all have that phony aura.
    The new owner proposed a morality contract for all of us to sign. I laughed. There was no way I was going to sign it and I’m sure they all have their own sins but would never admit it because they are above us and exempt.

    1. Windstorm2 says:

      Hey Snow!
      Glad you’re back and that your year has started well!
      I’m surprised you have a choice about signing the morality thing. Or maybe he backed down and didn’t make one.

  4. PhoenixRising says:

    Mine was a holy Narc. He isn’t an ordained pastor, but apparently he was bestowed the title at one of the churches he is affiliated with. At my church, he was in charge of the music worship. I had the hardest time accepting what he was because of the “but he’s such a good Christian” façade he has perfected. He truly is a wolf in sheep’s clothing.

    1. Windstorm2 says:

      I have a brother in law narc like that. Just out of the blue he felt called to preach in a type of church he’d never even attended. They made him their youth minister. It ended badly.

  5. Cordelia says:

    my first was this type. he wasn’t actually ordained, but did make sure everyone knew how much more pious he was than everyone else. It’s been 12 years since I wrote my no contact letter, but I remember clearly as day the phrase I stole from the West Wing. I wrote that one of the reasons I’d had enough was that I was sick of his holier-than-thou attitude: “I always knew we were headed for this sort of crash-and-burn. It wasn’t that you thought you were smarter than everyone, but that you thought you were purer, morally superior.”

    Oh, boy, the wounding-filled letter I got in response to that one. Wish I still had it.

  6. Nikita says:

    Don’t mess with a missionary man….

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Quite right.

  7. Windstorm2 says:

    Of the preachers/priests I have personally known, I’d say it’s about 50/50 from what I can tell. Maybe 60-40 narc/non-narc. What I find interesting is that (at least of those I personally know) there are very few normals. They are either narcs or empaths. Is that the experience of the rest of you all? Granted my observed group is not extensive (3-4 dozen).

    I think this holds true for heading up any church committees too. If they are headed by women, nearly all the ones I’ve known were headed by narcs. Maybe because there are less options outside of the church for narc women to dominate. Although they certainly tend to run any children’s sports groups, too.

    1. Sophia says:

      I’ve only known a few priests, and they’re truly good people.

      However, I have known many women heavily involved with church that claim to be “Christian” and they’re some of the biggest hypocrites. I’ve become skeptical of anyone that uses the term.

  8. Paula Sarno says:

    Hi HG , the priests who have sex with boys , are they among this kind of narcissist ? Thank you

    1. HG Tudor says:


      1. Paula Sarno says:

        Thank you ,HG , I appreciate that you let me know the true

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