Needing Release


Why will you not let me go? I just want to be on my own, I have had enough of you. Is it too much to ask that I am able to lead my own life free of your presence and influence? I need to do this for myself. I do not want to be with you anymore. I had to get out. I have other things I want to do and they do not involve you. In truth, I have been wanting to do this for some time but you always managed to prevent me from going. There was always some reason that came up to stop me from breaking free of you. Every time I girded my loins in order to achieve my freedom you would do or say something that would stop me from going. I don’t know how you manage to do it. It is a fearsome power you have when I stop to think about it. It infuriates me actually, the way you manage to keep this hold over me. It is as if you know exactly what I need and you just have to say the right words. It is like weaving a spell, yes, that is it, you are a sorcerer and when you utter the incantation I am stopped from getting away. You freeze me where I stand or you take control of my decisions and actions. Sometimes your dark magic creates a wall that I cannot see but it is there and I cannot get past it. I despise the fact that you are able to do this to me. It should not be like this. You should not be allowed to control me. I know I cannot expect someone like you to even think that what you do is wrong because all you ever do is think about yourself. I have realised this; eventually. It has come at some cost because I always gave you the benefit of the doubt. I have tried to understand you but so many times it is like trying to play a vinyl record on an ipod. Impossible. I still do not understand why you have done what you have done and perhaps I never will, thank goodness there are other people who I can turn to. I know they will not do what you have done to me. You really are inhuman at times.

What’s that? I gave you no reason for why I left? Why would I? You do not deserve an explanation. Why would I give you the pleasure of seeing me having to explain myself to you? Why would I give you a further opportunity to cast another spell and stop me in my tracks once again. I just had to get away from you but look where we are now. You just will not let it happen will you. Why not just get on with your own life? You are no use to me anymore. Is that the reason? It is part of the reason, yes. No, I am not going to tell you more because you will just use it as a way to worm your way back in and get hold of me once again because that is what you do. It is no good denying it, you have done it so many times. If I give the proverbial inch you take a yard. I don’t know why you are shaking your head because it is true. I don’t care if it hurts, how hurt do you think I am after what you did to me. I had to leave you. There was no hope for any other way. I had to escape you otherwise, well, I do not want to consider what might have happened if I had remained. Just let me go will you. Why do you keep contacting me? I have nothing to say to you. I do not want to speak to you, I do not want to exchange messages, I do not want to see you. No, I do not want to talk about it. No, I do not want to sort matters out. No I do not want to try to resolve our differences. There is no point. I have moved on. Yes, I have moved on. I thought I needed you, I really did but it turns out that this is not the case any longer. I have broken free of your grip and believe me it has been a long time coming. They all know by the way, my friends, your friends, our colleagues and families. I had to tell them because I knew this is what you would do. I knew how dangerous you are and I had to warn them to watch out for you because I just knew you would try and get to me through them. You have done it before but I anticipated this move. I am good at reading you. I have had plenty of practice you see and I always know what you are going to do and say. Your predictability has given me such an advantage now and I am using to ensure I stay away from you, so why don’t you just let go? How can this possibly help you or me? You keep clinging on but I don’t understand why? There is no point in your doing this. There is no point in keep ringing me, although how you got my number I am not sure. Don’t hang around my neighbourhood either, yes I have seen you from the window and my neighbours have told me you have been doing it. It is no good denying it, I know what you are like. You are crazy, you are obsessed, I just need you to leave me alone. Please stop it. I am trying to move forward and you need to do the same. I don’t want to discuss the past. There is no point it is done. What’s that, you don’t like it when I do this, it as if I have changed into someone else. Well, I suppose I have, I have had to, in order to escape your influence. Look, this is getting nowhere, I have been civil with you for the sake of the other people here but it won’t last if you keep this up. Go, go now and leave me alone. Please. Just do it. Move on. You can find someone else, I am sure there is someone equally crazy who will take you with open arms. Don’t look like that, I am just telling you how it is. How can I just change like that? It isn’t me that has changed, it was you, you conned me, but I am not going through all of that now, I know what you are doing you are trying to keep me talking in the hope of persuading me, well it won’t work and besides, you really must go now because my new girlfriend will be here in a moment and I don’t want her to have to deal with you and your lunacy. Go.

24 thoughts on “Needing Release

  1. Super Empath says:

    I’m feeling way too many vibes.

    I’m nervous, I’m nauseas. I’m hungry yet can’t eat. I’m tired as hell but just can’t sit still. The electrical impulses traveling through my body are unbelievable right now. I’m hearing everything, yet nothing. I’ve done nothing, yet feel guilty. I want to talk, yet I don’t want to listen.

    I’m in my own crisis mode. I want all this to be over, so I can just disappear.

  2. Suzie says:

    Sometimes we have to reach deep inside ourselves and find the strength to say, “NO MORE”. If we are feeling too weak or depressed to do this I say fear makes us “WEAK”. Get angry! Get angry enough to say “NO MORE”. If we feel too lonely or broken to have courage then get some counseling, get healing, go to Church, get out in nature, make some friends, join alanon or another group. Talk your feelings out. Pray to God to intervene. Ask your guardian angels to find a way out of the horrible, toxic relationship. Do not make the toxic person your everything. Reach out. Get help. Run if you have to. You do not have to to take ABUSE. Even if you have been abused your entire life find the courage within to put a stop to it.

    1. K says:

      I prayed for salvation and it was the Lucifer, himself, who delivered me from evil and I found him on

    2. Windstorm2 says:

      Good advice, Suzie.

  3. narc affair says:

    A great example of a narcissist projecting their codependancy onto a fuel source. The narcissists hoover so they are never wanting to be totally free of their dependance on narc supply. Maybe in their minds they kid themselves they do but they keep recycling supposed discarded fuel sources.

  4. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD. says:

    I wouldn’t wanna be with someone who doesn’t want me.

    1. robins359 says:

      I won’t anymore. I have learned my lesson. You want to leave, don’t let the door hit you in the ass on the way out!

  5. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD. says:

    You don’t have to tell me twice. If I hear go – I’m gonna go.

  6. Recovering Narcoholic says:

    Amazing how many narcs have this script, as Dee Mac said. Some of it is almost word-for-word from the discard speech I got.

  7. Wendy Armitage says:

    Wow its like my ex personally wrote that message what a great insight into how you think ! Trouble is when you do get the message and do leave them alone they phone you. Why dont they listen to their own preachings and leave us the hell alone ?!

  8. Pam Bergner says:

    With Warm Regards, H. G.,

    To My Sweetest Narc, I start back to finish my college on Nov 14. I’m happy and exited in my own right. For you, I have ever-exploding love and regard.

    To your own growth on your walk,


  9. Dee Mac says:

    This is hysterical. It’s like all narcissists have the same script and they pass it around to each other at the bars. In time, their playing field gets smaller and because they are never fulfilled, they shrivel up into a pile of ectoplasm. Karma.

  10. JC says:

    Holy Cow did this hit home!

  11. abrokenwing says:

    I’m in the club and HE is here. I don’t know what to do. Locked myself in the bathroom. There is no window… I should remain calm and relaxed. No impact.
    Like fuck I am calm and relaxed!

    1. Patricia J says:

      Point your finger at him..laugh and walk away…

      1. robins359 says:

        Perfect! . . . they hate being laughed at!

  12. Overthinker says:


  13. Ltningstrike says:

    Actually, I meant I was discarded first and he only came BACK because she discarded him.

    1. K says:


      When you have a chance read this post. I made a no contact mistake and I was hoovered with a phone call.

      1. ltningstrike says:

        Speaking of Lucifer….someone emailed me today because I have mail. Day 1 starts again of nc

  14. Ltningstrike says:

    Ouch. I heard almost exactly this. However, he will not admit to the girlfriend. Luckily, he discarded me in such a way that I know he is done with me. Not just now but forever. I have done the GOSO and NC going well so far. I do not anticipate any hoovering because of the way it ended. His last discard before I took him back was only because his new supply discarded him. So I am safe. He doesn’t know my whereabouts. Meanwhile I’m scraping myself off of the windshield.

    1. K says:

      There is no such thing as a discard; it is a dis-engagment and he is not done with you, remember the FR may be over but the narcissistic relationship is forever. He will hoover, so beware.

      1. Ltningstrike says:

        K- I am not aware of any openings I have left in order for him to contact me. I’m sure at some point during my lifetime, he may but it will too late at that point for him to receive fuel of any value. His biggest enemy will be my indifference. Thank you for responding 🙂

        1. K says:

          My pleasure, Ltningstrike.

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