A Letter to the Narcissist – No. 38
Here’s to that thankfully fateful and particularly enlightening moment in the crazy Joe show, when I realized exactly what you are and that I, just like every person you know, and will ever meet, was there simply to prop up and maintain the infirmity of your colossal ego. It’s cool Baby. I simply flipped that switch and saved myself. Ha! I knew in that moment that I would be leaving you. I spent every day and every waking moment seizing every opportunity until the day I left. Incrementally planning and implementing my exit away from you and your evil while acting the part. You now know absolutely that I did. Lol!
Eventually, you saw it coming and desparately you dangled all those carrots on that stick. Yeah, you did. Lmao! Always with the hilarious, tender, handholding, looking me in the eyes, pink smoke future faking, bullshit and lies you thought I believed! On the day of our divorce you even tried that pity play! You believed every word that came out of my mouth. I didn’t believe a single one that came out of yours. Liar. A pitiful attempt to keep me caged. Ha! Ha! I just kept a straight face and carried on each and every day. The last two weeks were especially entertaining. When I was ready, I radically cut my very long hair to publically announce so that everyone knew; There is NO-ONE with dominion over me, but me. Least of all, you. Everybody noticed when I left YOU. Everybody noticed. Incidentally, I hate carrots.
Meanwhile, you will do as you have always done. You will trick nice, decent, women into bogus depracating relationships with deceit, false charm, manipulation, mirroring, pretty lies, and pitiful lines while you play the hero, and or the victim. It is your life game. Love and lies. You will always need to turn on that act to trap someone that you can keep around to feed and stroke that massive but delicate ego of yours. You will always need to trap someone to keep around to batter emotionally and punish to make yourself feel better when you’re mad about anything, even your made up crazy. You will always need to trap someone to shoulder any and all accountability as you have none. You will always need put on that act to trap some kind and giving woman to gain control of and steal into their life because you are incapable of living with yourself or make a life of your own. The trap always starts out so pretty. Wonderful times. Then one day the mask slips and the true Joe appears. Not love. Never love. Dishonest. Emotional bondage.
By the way, did you ever read the comments on the Bryan Adams video?! So funny. I bet you thought that video was for you didn’t you? Lmao!
You have always and will always manage to find good, kind, generous people to use, punish, hurt, take advantage of, and put down and use. Hurting or belittling people is the only way you can feel like a big, strong, tough guy. Shallow. Evil. An aging bully. Ah, but in the dark of the night and inside your silly little head… you don’t like that guy any better than the rest of us do.
You do hate it, but it’s how you make yourself seem bigger and better than you feel you truly are. You like to pretend that you’re a “good guy”. You and I both know you aren’t and that there is always a price for your “kindness”. Real good guys take their dying brother to the beach when its only an hour away and it’s their last hearts desire. Your dying brother had his bag packed for weeks and you made sure that he knew you were never going to take him. You made sure he knew that you were ignoring him. I made sure to point it out to everyone.
We both know it’s only ever all about you and your large, fragile ego. You are a bully…except when you’re pretending not to be for the purpose of tricking people into believing that you are something you are not, or that they are something to you that they are not. Round and round, and round again…Fake. Sham. Chameleon? Hardly. You’re merely a muddy reflection of all you envy and cannot be and I was the competition that you tried but could never best. Ha!
FYI…That will all work out for you exactly as it has in the past. Do keep in mind that you’re getting old. Keeping that mask on, hiding while denying your erectile dysfunction, and fooling people is alot of work and upkeep.
Divorce, court, and having to deal with your tax problems that YOU caused were, frankly, the only things that have triggered any thought or consideration of or about you since I left you. I’m not angry at all. I just figured I would enlighten you with my takeaway of “our life” together as I leave you with this final thought…
Finally, not only has the divorce been decreed, but as of today’s mail pickup; your tax fraud drama is over for me and I no longer have to make nice or keep up the pretence. All I have to do is go along my merry way and thank myself, my pride, and sweet providence that I have completely, happily, and forever snuffed you from my life. I almost forgot. I did sell the rings, booked a two-week cruise and installed a hot tub. Thanks for the memories.
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Ha! Love it!
Yeah, the type that wants everyone to think they are a good guy, but when it comes to doing the actions of a good guy….they are nowhere to be found.
And I congratulate you on the sale of your rings, and your decision to purchase a hot tub and go on a cruise!
Woohoo! Hope you find yourself doing your own personal version of the freedom happy dance!
Mine had erectile dysfunction too I’m sensing a theme anyway bravo to u I feel u r victory!!!!!
You hit it on the nail several times in your letter narcs do bully and devalue to build themselves up. Its adult bullying plain and simple but as you pointed out in the back of their minds when theyre left on their own they loathe who they are. Fuel distinguishes their self hatred by building up the sheild of armor…the fake self.
Kudos to you for deciding to leave as soon as you knew what you were dealing with! So many victims dont and continue to go thru cycle after cycle of abuse. Congratulations on your freedom and being narc free!!
End of emotional bondage, hot tub and holiday instead. Hallelujah to that!
Interesting letter, and here’s to your freedom! Good for you. Your new life begins!:-)
My ex-BF tried to rope me into his marriage crisis… after years of Hovering me on-and-off (when I never knew what Hoovers were, but I never took the bait), I finally called him back about 7 months ago because his so-called “witch/maniac” wife was making him despondent, and I was alarmed by the sound of his voice (never again will I fall for this)… so I was that listening ear for him long-distance, on-and-off for 6 months of increasing weirdness. During this time, I thought I was being a good friend to support him while he was filing for divorce (I have a full, happy life myself, so this was never an issue of my wanting him back in my life). I actually kept encouraging him to go to counseling with his wife. He told me they have had five marriage counselors, and the more he told me about all that, the more I knew something was off. He “told” on himself a lot, as he complained about his “impossible” wife.
But here’s the deal: although I gave him sympathy (big mistake), I never once – not once – believed his wife was a bad person. I bet that’s the case for many who hear their BS! No matter what he said, somewhere in the back of my mind, I knew he was full of it. After all, I dated him for three years a long ways back. He has not changed. Well, actually, he is so much worse. It would have been very hard for me to detect he was a narcissist back when I dated him. Today it is NOT. My talking to him long-distance skewed things for me, as it was easier for some stuff to fly under my radar – or for me to chalk stuff up to his “stress” or my misunderstanding. But there are red flags everywhere. Yes, I was really young when I had dated him (college), but I was astute for my age, and he was a great actor. Today, he is much more proficient at his craft, but I was also “seeing” more things over time, even over the phone. Unfortunately, I bet he has been practicing on/tormenting his poor wife for years.
He told me his wife is “selfish,” “entitled” and “manipulative.” (Impossible NOT to think, “Gee, that sounds exactly like YOU, dude.”) Unless he married another narcissist, which is very doubtful, I bet his wife is a very lovely person. She’s probably a saint. I hope she has figured him out completely and it’s a case of GOSO for her. SHE has my sympathy.
Your letter shocked me about one thing: taxes! Is this another narcissist pattern? With something having to do with his impending divorce and taxes, I listened to the most bizarre weirdness. I wish I could remember the details, but he talked about this like 10 times, and I sort of zoned out on it. I couldn’t follow it…he filed taxes too late? No, he wrote down the wrong return address, so he had to refile? Some such oddness… but he seemed obsessed about talking about it and said his wife was flipping out over it, and it (presumably) had something to do with his divorce proceedings. It stalled it? It caused her problems? I don’t know, but it sounded pretty crazy. It really stunned me because he’s always been very successful financially, and it sounded either like he was purposefully doing something financially to upset his wife – or he was completely out to lunch about his taxes and messed something up. But *he* didn’t actually sound upset about it, so that struck me as odd too. I just could not make sense of it, nor did I want to, because it was becoming increasingly clear in the last few weeks of him calling that he may have designs for me to be his next IPPS…
So no thanks, ever, to that… and buh-bye I went.
Caroline—holy crap related to all of the so so so many ways. Many aspects and nuances parallel mine. Especially this:
He told me his wife is “selfish,” “entitled” and “manipulative.” (Impossible NOT to think, “Gee, that sounds exactly like YOU, dude.”) Unless he married another narcissist, which is very doubtful, I bet his wife is a very lovely person. She’s probably a saint. I hope she has figured him out completely and it’s a case of GOSO for her. SHE has my sympathy.
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Thankyou for sharing!
TZ,
Of course! :-)…I think it helps to see the similarities and the cycles. This has been hard for me to accept, especially since he is much older than me, and I can now clearly see how he took advantage of me at 19.
My biggest fear now is that out of revenge he will try to triangulate me with his wife. He kept up his mask pretty well with me, but I felt like he started seething under the surface, right before I went NC. Whatever he was going for with me just wasn’t working out (not exactly sure what, but sure not something good!). I think I exited in the nick of time. When I first started talking to him, he seemed so “normal,” and I had brushed aside all the games he played back when we were in a relationship. I was also distracted by his divorce drama. So when he asked me to send a recent pic of me with a new puppy, I really didn’t think anything of it (yep, sucker!) When he emailed me back: “You’re still gorgeous – my wife will go nuts if she sees your picture.” That was my first Big Red Flag. You know that sinking feeling? I had it. But I brushed that gut check aside…he’s just joking around, I told myself. I HATE that he has my pic. I don’t care that it’s a perfectly innocent pic, because who knows how he’ll use it? It bugs me so much. Lesson learned the hard way. But I could kick myself.
Thank God I never agreed to see him. I hope to never hear from his wife, but if I ever do because of his twisted game play, I’ll just tell the truth — I bought his pity story and listened to him for 6 months — and apologize to her. I hope this is it though – that I escaped with no more fuss. It’s still unnerving to me. I feel guilty, like I did something wrong… but if someone told me this story, I’d very much see them also as a victim. It’s easy to see how false guilt is what he used against me to begin with.
I very much understand how married narcissists get old loves (or anyone) to get entangled with them though. It’s pretty awful what they systematically do. I blame nobody who gets hypnotized by them. I dodged a real bullet when I didn’t marry him back at 19. His poor wife…I can only imagine what she’s been through.
Perfect!!
All of them must be the same person !! haha..
I love the end of this letter..sell rings…cruisser and happy bath!! kiss a lot to you..and enjoy your life..!!
Aging bully!! love that and the was this was humorously styled around the pain from the past. The only thing that keeps me laughing and not crying, over the fact that my ex left me for a really pretty woman with big fake breasts is that.. he must have needed his partner to have bigger breasts than his. And since he has MAN BOOBS and mine were small, he needed to so a switcharoo so he wasnt the person with the biggest boobs in the relationship!