Little Acons – No. 16


5 thoughts on “Little Acons – No. 16

  1. narc affair says:

    This reminds me of a victim midranger… my mother. I hadnt heard from her since thanksgiving and texted her to say is everything ok. …” ive been sick with a cold since thanksgiving. Im not contagious can i come over?” My hubbys on meds that lower his immune system so i told her nicely maybe when everyones feeling better but the kids would love to talk with you on the phone. She just answers ” ok i totally understand” ….no mention of calling or asking how they are…pity play. She acts like shes on her deathbed. I suspect the real reason shes not called is bc she treated me horribly on thanksgiving.
    Victim pity players are a drain on our emotional well being.

  2. Ratatoskerin says:

    Oh I truly despise this one. It doesn’t work on me anymore, but it still works on my poor sister, who is currently the scapegoat (we alternate).

    Did any of you watch the film “Coraline”? I don’t expect our favourite Narcissist, H.G, to have seen it unless to appease someone in the seduction or golden period, but I strongly suggest watching it if you have the time…Why? Because I think there is a perfect allegory of a narcissistic relationship!

    SPOILER PART (this is long, sorry)
    In “Coraline” there is an “other mother”, with buttons instead of eyes. She isn’t Coraline’s real mother, so we also get to see a seduction phase, goody goody gumdrops!

    Initially she appears to be the perfect parent; she cooks delicious food, she is always smiling and singing and she always gives Coraline everything she thinks she desires. However the facade soon begins to crumble, as we see that everyone around her is always forced to be smiling and happy (she even sows a smile on one of the characters, a perfect metaphor for the frozen grin children of narcs have to present to the world). Coraline however is oblivious to the first hints of narcissism, as any victim often is. I would also add that Coraline is isolated and clearly somewhat damaged, making her a great target.

    When Coraline seems truly under her spell, the other mother tries to have Coraline sow buttons instead of eyes, so she can stay with her.
    Coraline does not react the way the other mother wants, so she is carried off into her room (silent treatment, perhaps?). This will happen again at another point, later on.

    Coraline tries to return to her real parents, but they have disappeared (loss of any support system?) taken away by the other mother/narc.
    The other mother also uses triangulation to try and distance her from her true parents (and avoid admitting to have hidden them) by saying:
    “Whatever would I have done with your old parents? If they left you, Coraline, it must be because they became bored with you, or tired. Now, I will never become bored with you, and I will never abandon you.” That SCREAMS triangulation to me.

    Coraline becomes defiant, so the other mother reacts by becoming a half-spider (what better metaphor for a narc than a spider with a web of lies, minions etc?) saying typical narc mom things along the lines about the proper respect one should show a parent etc,

    Coraline is locked up in a room (silent treatment 2)
    here Coraline meets other children who have been victims of the narcmother, who appear as ghosts with buttons for eyes: they have been disengaged from, but not discarded as they cannot leave, trapped forever unless their eyes are returned to them.
    They say that the mother
    The words they say are very indicative, I believe, of a narcissistic mother and narrcissists in general:
    “She spied on our lives […] and saw that we weren’t happy. So she lured us away with treasures […] She said that she loved us.” (Gathering info and seduction) “But she left us here, and ate up our lives.”

    In the book their words also drip with narcissism:
    “She will take your life and all you are and all you care’st for, and she will leave you with nothing but mist and fog. She’ll take your joy. And one day you’ll awake and your heart and your soul will be gone.”

    Coraline is helped by a cat, and the other mother despises all cats (perhaps becase cats are notoriously independent and not inclined to being trained or manipulated.)
    The cat tells her that the Beldam loves games, and will always accept a challenge though she will not play fair (loving manipulations, competitiveness and sense of entitlement).

    Eventually Coraline manages to win, and runs away from the Beldam, who screams “I’ll die without you!”, a clear pity play. Coraline locks the door to the other mother’s world.

    Interestingly, the story isn’t over: the liberated ghost children warn her that the key Coraline holds is the only one, and the Beldam will never stop trying to get it, so Coraline is still in danger. This sounds very much like a metaphor for hoovers!

    Coraline eventually frees herself of the key, trhowing it into a well/portal, making it impossible for the Beldam to use it ever again: that is, for me, the establishment of a rock-solid No Contact.

    I am sure if H.G watched this he would catch waaaay more references and narc moments, probably identifying some of the other symbology I am unsure about, but I think I’m onto something by thinking “Coraline” is a story about an empath and a narcissist.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      I haven’t seen it but thank you for sharing your observations.

    2. Windstorm2 says:

      I’ve seen it. We showed it at school once. It about gave me nightmares. The kids dealt with it a lot better than I did!
      I agree, definitely about narcissism.

  3. Windstorm2 says:

    I’ve actually gotten this to work in reverse, but you’d think it actually causes them physical pain to do something different than they had planned! Yet they expect us to do things like this for them a the time!

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