The Mid Range Narcissist – Five Facts

the-mid-range-narcissist

I have come across these five questions on a number of occasions. They are often regarded as the five fundamental queries which are raised about our behaviour. They are usually answered in a forthright manner by certain commentators in order to drive the message home. However, these observations and answers are provided by people who are not of our kind. They are naturally entitled to comment but the true value arises from someone who is on the other side of the fence, the perpetrator of the actions, the doer. Furthermore, the usual observations are provided without regard to the fact that narcissists are both similar yet different because we operate in certain schools which are linked to our degree of functioning and malign outlook. Accordingly, the traditional answer provided to one of these questions may be correct for the greater of our kind, but not for the mid-range or for the lesser narcissist. This time the focus falls on those narcissists which are from the Mid-Range school. It is usually the case that those who Mid-Range are not so much defined by what they are, but rather by what they are not. Thus if a behaviour which accords with a lesser narcissist is absent and a behaviour which accords with a greater narcissist is absent but the individual still displays behaviour which accord with narcissism as a whole, this person falls within the Mid-Range. The Mid-Range is neither a creature of complete knee-jerk reactions but nor is he or she fully aware of what he or she is and the capabilities that he or she may possess. He or she will not exhibit the driven, malign nature of those narcissists from the greater school. Here are the five answers to the five central questions.

 

  1. Do We Know What We Are Doing?

 

Whereas the lesser narcissist operates through instinctive responses and in a knee-jerk manner the Mid-Ranger knows what he or she is doing even though the response is largely still one of instinct. Most of the Mid Ranger’s response is instinctive but they have a greater awareness of what is happening, the Lesser does not really notice.

The Mid-Ranger will notice that they feel a sense of unease and being unsettled. This is when their fuel levels have dropped to a low level. They do not know that the sensation of unease is linked to the reduced fuel levels. The Mid-Ranger does know that provoking reaction in the person who is his or her primary source and other people causes the unease to diminish and vanish. He or she is aware of the link between the need to receive attention and the reduction in the state of unease. He or she realises that certain reactions do not always work (i.e. unemotional ones) and that some reactions are superior to others (the sense of unease vanishes quicker and is replaced with a feeling of power) but they do not know why that is. They do not realise the index of fuel supply governs their own state of power/unease. They do know what if they are praised they feel better, if you are made to cry, they feel better and if you are losing your temper because of something that they have done, they feel better.

  1. Do We Know That We Are Hurting You?

 

Akin to the lesser, the Mid-Ranger is aware of the hurt that is being caused, the major difference however is that the Mid-Ranger recognises that you are being hurt (since he possesses Cognitive Empathy) but he or she will never OWN the responsibility for that hurt. Thus, he may say

“I know you are hurt when I call you names, but if you just stopped trying to control me, then I would not have to do it.”

He knows the name-calling upsets you, he also is aware that your emotional response has a positive impact for him (although does not know why) but he will never accept that this behaviour is wrong or his fault.

The Mid-Ranger may also give some consideration to how this might be achieved whereas the Lesser just does it. This tends to be apparent with mainly Upper Mid-Rangers, Lower and Middle Mid Rangers still operate through an instinctive response.

The Mid-Ranger does not behave this way because of any innate malevolence but rather because he or she is aware that the evidence of pain on your part gives them a “good” feeling and lessens the unease which may appear. The Mid-Ranger knows that if he or she acts in a certain way, it will cause you upset. With the higher functioning Mid Ranger, he or she will take some time to evaluate how best to respond in a situation so that the “good” feeling can be obtained. This is why some Upper Mid-Rangers are often mistaken for Greaters because they have a degree of calculation to their actions.

The Mid-Ranger will be aware of what it is that you are doing which has generated contempt, irritation or annoyance. He will be able to provide you with a reason behind this sensation and moreover if there is no actual reason he is readily able to invent one. Whereas the lesser can only usually respond in a vague and amorphous fashion, the Mid-Range will provide you with a reason for this annoyance at your behaviour and why he or she is hurting you. It is most likely a lie, but a reason will be provided nevertheless.

  1. Do We Do This Deliberately?

The Mid-Ranger is deliberate in his or her behaviours but they remain governed by instinct. They do not know it is fuel, they do not know its true purpose but they are sufficiently aware and of sufficient function to link the provision of certain reactions by you to the settling and empowering effect it has on them. The Mid-Ranger is aware that he or she can provoke good and bad emotions from you and that these reactions serve a purpose.

They are also able to apply a wider range of manipulations from their repertoire as a consequence of their increased function. The response is an instinctive response but in some instances will be thought out and whilst the plotting and scheming is far removed from the grand scale of the greater narcissists, there is no doubting that the Upper Mid-Ranger will plan. He or she will consider how people can best serve them. This is not done from a malicious point of view but is more about working out what will serve him or her the best. The Mid-Ranger will consider which friends serve him best, who will make the best target and how the various people that are his fuel lines knit together. He does not behave in the random and chaotic fashion of the Lesser nor with the pinpoint, malicious accuracy of the greater but with a sense of organisation and planning so that he or she gets what he or she wants.

  1. Can We Control This Behaviour?

 

The Mid-Ranger is possessed of the ability to control his or her behaviour even though the majority of it is instinctive. Accordingly, he will respond to certain behaviours with his own set response but can exert some control, for instance keeping a lid on the ignited fury for a short time, since he recognises the situation demands a certain approach.

Since he or she is not a creature of base instinct like the lesser but adopts a more considered approach there is some thought given to how he or she should respond. The Mid-Ranger is not aware of why they ought to behave in this way, they only know that there is a way of behaving which suits them best and they need to tailor their responses and behaviours to accord with this way and this includes control. The Mid-Ranger only has so much control however and in situations where fuel levels plummet and there is a real or perceived threat of a primary source cessation then the Mid-Ranger will lose control when placed under such duress. This may occasionally manifest in the use of physical violence. The Mid-Ranger knows there will be consequences but is unable to contain the urgent need to “do something” and therefore control is lost. The Mid-Ranger is particularly prone to using the silent treatment as this represents a halfway house between exerting and losing control. He or she may be panicked into a sudden reaction but they do not lose control to such an extent that a frenzied response, by way of violence both physical and verbal may appear. Instead they vanish. The Mid-Ranger is also more likely to engage in emotional, financial and sexual abuse through planning and the greater subtleties and insidious nature attached to these particular machinations.

  1. Can We Stop It?

Yes, the Mid-Ranger can to some extent. Much of his behaviour is instinct. He truly considers himself to be a good person, he believes he is empathic and caring, he regards other people as the problem. He cannot understand why people have to be so unfair, so troublesome and why they cause him pain and anguish, since he has such a different perspective to you.

He has an awareness and therefore is able to decide that the behaviour can stop. Indeed, where the Mid-Ranger perceives an advantage to be acquired he will do so and amend his behaviour accordingly. Whereas the lesser narcissist will instigate a respite period instinctively without knowing why he is doing, his need to devalue will just abate and the golden period returns, the Mid-Ranger knows the value of a respite period and will grant it because he feels settled and prone to wanting the contrast of the positive fuel again. Similarly, when those fuel levels drop the Mid-Ranger knows to commence the devaluation again. His awareness and control enable him of her to stop the devaluing behaviour as and when it is required. He does not exercise this with regard to any sense of malevolence, like the greater, but rather it is driven by need. The Mid-Ranger could stop his or her abusive behaviour but will not do so if they perceive a need for it to continue. The lesser is unable to stop it because it “just happens”. Of the three schools, the Mid-Ranger is less volatile, less malicious but in some respects can be regarded as entirely culpable for the behaviours which are engaged in and that are doled out to his or her victims. The difficulty is however, you can regard the Mid Ranger as culpable but he or she will never accept any liability for their behaviour because they are automatically configured to reject any notion that they are at fault. Their default setting is always to block this, reject it and counter it – usually through Pity Plays, sulking, silent treatments, blame-shifting and projection.

24 thoughts on “The Mid Range Narcissist – Five Facts

  1. Iris says:

    Fair enough.

  2. Iris says:

    As I have gone no contact with all the narcissists in my life (my mother, sister, ex-boyfriend and several female friends) a few months ago I still find myself fascinated by their strange behaviour and I’m currently studying them as if they are from a foreign tribe ;-).

    I found out a lot about them, but I’m still puzzled about a few things though and who better to ask all my questions about them than you?

    My sister is a beautiful charming woman, but very egocentric and very manipulative. You could even say that she is highly Machiavellian.

    She has been married to an equally charming, but much older rich man for 25 years and has been co-dependent to him all this time. He treated her like shit as he is very malignant. She is not maligned at all, but because of her egotistical nature she hurts people non the less.

    I think she is an upper midranger and he is a lesser greater because of his malignancy, but I find it very difficult to know for sure. What do you think?

    I would appreciated it if you could answer this question for me and in return I’m more than happy to answer any questions you might have about these bizarre relationships, as there is little know about relationships between these kinds of narcissists.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      I cannot provide you with accurate information about the relevant school without more information and the appropriate way for this to be achieved is through a consultation.

  3. Leolita says:

    you are describing my ex, in such detail that it is almost scaring…. just read The Great Sulk, which also clarified a lot. Now I know he is a MR, for sure. Thank you!

  4. narc affair says:

    I came across a video on utube the other day and the son who claims his dad is the narcissist comes off as a midrange narc, mainly a victim narcissist.

    https://youtu.be/dpC6l4IRNTE

    He seems aware hes provoking his dad by recording him and despite his grandma being upset and his mum and dad fighting continues to record. The mother seems an enabler and gaslights and avoids dealing with the issue of getting her son to respect the fact his dad doesnt want pictures taken of him or to be recorded. She seems more worried about missing out on her swim date than the issue between father and son.
    When i clicked on this i was expecting to see a narcissist father but instead seen a victim midrange narc triangulating his parents, smearing his dad on record thru antagonizing him and putting on the act of the hurt son. Idk maybe im wrong but this guy seems a midranger.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      I agree with you NA. The need to keep provoking and also to place it on YouTube is not something an empathic individual would do especially since the grandmother is in the video and she is an innocent party in it all. The father may be a narcissist, but on what I watched I did not see anything that would convince me that he was. Instead he responded in a manner commensurate with the entitled and provocative behaviour of the son. The son of course wanted to prove a point according to his perspective, so he engineered a situation to accord with his perspective. It was not the film of an independent individual of two individuals who were unaware they were being filmed and therefore would be authentic.

  5. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD. says:

    I have a few more mid-range facts to sprinkle in there for the men of course:

    6.) Is a passive aggressive pussy.
    7.) acts like a vagina
    8.) has no balls
    9.) leaves turds for you to find
    10.) gets mad when you mention they should stop being a disgusting creature and flush their turds

    Okay I’m finished lol.

    1. Barbara says:

      I don’t understand why anyone uses terms for the genitals of both men and women in a way that makes them into derogatory terms. These are your very precious parts, people!

  6. K says:

    My MMRN would sometimes refer to his family as creatures from the book: The Island of Doctor Moreau. He definitely knew that he and his family were “not right”. He was able to modify his behavior. I remember him doing it.

  7. Windstorm2 says:

    We have a public “When narcs collide” incident in the news here now. One of our two state senators, Rand Paul, got the crap beaten out of him this past weekend by his neighbor. When I heard it on the National News my first thought was, “What had he done to the neighbor?”

    This senator has always seemed to be a midranger to me. Sort of small and wimpy. The kind of person who would easily heckle or taunt someone, then slink away. Obviously has a higher opinion of himself than he deserves. I hadn’t realized, though, how dumb he really must be. My exhusband laughed at that! This incident didn’t surprise him at all.

    Apparently the senator and his neighbor often bicker over their adjoining yards. Both men try to keep pristine and immaculate yards. Paul was using a leaf blower to blow the fallen leaves from his yard over into the neighbor’s yard. Apparently this was the last straw for the neighbor (who is much bigger and burlier than Paul). He came across and beat Paul rather severely – he’s in the hospital with I believe 6 cracked ribs.

    While I do feel sorry for everyone involved, I am irritated that one of our senators doesn’t have the sense to maintain a better facade or the intelligence to not make such childish decisions.

    1. K says:

      WS2
      I was laughing when I watched it play out in the news last night. All I could think about was the article: The Nasty Neighbor Narcissist .

      1. Windstorm2 says:

        K
        Ha, ha! I didn’t see that headline. Goes both ways – they both seem to be nasty neighbor narcissists!

        I guess Paul thought his power as a senator would protect him from consequences. Maybe now he’s learned that being a jerk to a man bigger and stronger than himself is just stupid. Something a smart man would have known instinctively.

        1. K says:

          WS2
          I look at the news and everything I read in a whole new perspective now. Roald Dahl wrote, Matilda, and I suspect one of the characters, Agatha Trunchbull, of being a lesser narcissist and Hansel and Gretel’s wicked step-mother, too.

          1. Windstorm2 says:

            K
            Oh yeah! Definitely Ms Trunchbull! And fairy tales have always been full of narcs. With greater awareness we may see more of them now, but they’ve always been all around us – hiding in plain sight.

  8. catlady2468 says:

    I like this updated version better. Validating as always TY yet again xo

  9. An_eternal_student says:

    Thank you…HG
    I was just saying to my mother how finding positives in negative experiences is the way to grow from them.
    My ex is exactly as you describe an upper mid range: calculating, planning, sulky, silent & searching for the best means to obtain the greatest amount of fuel.
    Not to mention his core is nothing but a roaring flame of self pity.
    Sick really.
    All the articles I’ve read have given me the means to find out what behaviours I need to change so as to be counter productive in attracting narcissists.
    What a gift that is.
    Thank you

  10. Super Empath says:

    Yep, that’s my narc’s picture perfect profile. Poor thing, he’s such a miserable soul.

  11. Coco says:

    Thank you for this HG. You described my ex husband to a tee.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      You are welcome.

  12. 12345 says:

    Yuck. You nailed my mother. Metaphorically, that is.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Well you never know 12345, I do move in mysterious ways!

  13. Samantha says:

    HG are most narcissists in the same family the same type? Like if the mom is a mid ranger is the child more likely to be mid as well or is there no pattern? Are they usually all cerebral or somatic or a mixture?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      From my own anecdotal experiences I have not seen any discernible pattern in that regard. For instance, my mother is an UMR, her brother is an UL, her other brother is MMR.

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