Found In Translation



The way that our kind speaks is a language all of its own. Narcspeak appears at first to be a normal way of speaking, with the inferences, interpretations and connotations that one would ordinarily expect when hearing phrases such as ‘I love you’ and ‘I am sorry’. You will not grasp that there is a different meaning to much of what we say to you, at least not until it is too late. Once you have mastered Narcspeak however it becomes readily apparent what is actually being conveyed to you. Understand this form of double speak from us is a useful skill to achieve. Not only will it bring clarity to what has been said to you in the past and what was really meant, it will assist in understanding how to deal with the narcissist in your life going forward, if you have occasion to interact with him or her again.

Narcspeak arises because we operate in a different reality to you. We perceive the facts differently and therefore there will be an alternative interpretation attached to what we say. We know the context of what we are saying, so that it apparently fits with the situation and the discussion, but that is purely as a consequence of our ability to mimic and to convey what should be said. We know what we actually mean when we say these things. We mean something else.

This allows us to evade any culpability at a later juncture if you try to tell us that we said something. We may deny that we said it and if we do admit it, our admission is only ever in the context of what we intend it to mean. We use these words and phrases as a cloak to what we are actually saying to you and the sooner you begin to understand what we are really telling you, the sooner you will achieve a clarity of understanding which will remove the fog of confusion and enable you to decide how best to respond.

By way of example here are a number of phrases which you will always hear with our kind and beneath is what is really being said to you.

I don’t think that it suits you

You look absolutely ridiculous


I didn’t look at anyone else the whole time I was out.

I kissed several people. I have no idea who they were.


You must believe me.

I am telling you a lie.


What are you thinking?

I am not going to tell you anything until I have worked you out first so I know what will be the right things to say to you.


Don’t you trust me?

I find your insecurities both irritating and wonderful. I am annoyed that you think you can exert control over me. I am pleased that you are anxious and I make you that way.


I promise.

I’m just going to tell you what you want to hear.


We will always be together.

You belong to me. I will pick you up and put you down as I see fit.


I cannot stop thinking about you.

You and her. Oh and her. Her as well.


You don’t understand me.

Everything I have told you is a lie so it is little wonder that you do not.


I like you.

You do what I want.


I need some time to myself.

I am spending the night with your best friend.


We are just friends.

We have slept together and we will again.


I am so confused.

I want someone else now.



We have nothing in common.

We never had, I just made it look that way.


You will always be special to me, no matter what happens.

Your fuel is well worth coming back for and that is why I have come back.


It was nothing serious.

Yes, we had sex.


I didn’t do it.

Oh yes I did.


I’d like to see you again.

You have more fuel to give me.


Let’s stay friends.

I want to establish a reason that seems credible to you for returning and hurting you.


I don’t really remember.

I know only too well, not that I am going to admit it to you.



I am broken.

I know saying this will sound good and I am feeling somewhat desperate at the moment to keep hold of you.


She meant nothing to me.

Her fuel meant everything to me. More than what yours means to me.


I must have been drunk.

I was drunk. I often am. I know what I did though because I wanted it to happen.


I am just speaking my mind.

You had better fucking listen to me.


I am not starting an argument here.

It’s fuel time


I wish I knew what to say to make you feel better.

I haven’t a clue and I don’t care.


I will change.

You are a fool.


I want to be a better person.

You are a bigger fool than I first thought.


You always make it all about you.

It should be all about me.


I’ve no idea who she is.

I have slept with at least a half a dozen times.


I don’t recognise that number.

I do. Why is she calling me when I told her not to?

I’m not with anybody.

I am but that is not standing in the way tonight.


It is all rather complicated.

It is bullshit.


I didn’t mean for that to happen.

Oh yes I did and I will do it again.



You made me do it.

I am too weak to accept responsibility.


You don’t have to if you don’t want to.



I don’t know who I am sometimes.

That sounds deep. She will love that.


I love you.

I expect you to do what I want.

I love your fuel.


30 thoughts on “Found In Translation

  1. Tappan Zee says:

    1. Fuel.
    2. Emotional thinking surges through anxiety.
    3. You remain trapped because your ET keeps you engaging with us.

    ^ RIGHT. why does NO ONE GET THIS?

    let’s dx it bpd, anxiety, yada yada. and yes maybe it is that, HOWEVER. apart from “you” aka narcs. i wonder just how cray one would be if they either: a) were not narc flanked. b) recovered from it by NC entirely.

    *no one EXCEPT YOU

    1. Nuit Étoilée says:

      So, thanks to Devil’s Toolkit, I realized my father & several other men in my life over the years are/were narcs (yes, were: i found out some years later my “first love” committed suicide).

      I can say that being in a healthy relationship was revolutionary for realizing what a difference it makes for your significant other to encourage you, look on you w faith in your abilities, and love – real love.

      The strength, sense of self, boost in self-esteem vs at best a patronizing pat on the head (for accomplishments they would claim) is worth searching for.

      I still have issues to deal w – I think bc of my father – but definitely the way I interact w the world is vastly changed due to my healthy relationship.

  2. Tappan Zee says:

    I am pleased that you are anxious and I make you that way.

    ^ HG can you elaborate??

    That seems pivotal.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      1. Fuel.
      2. Emotional thinking surges through anxiety.
      3. You remain trapped because your ET keeps you engaging with us.

  3. Antifragile says:

    The dictionary is awesome!!!

  4. 12345 says:

    This is GREAT humor even if it is reality. It makes me smile and laugh every time.

  5. Not the one says:

    Narc talk is lies. That’s all it is. Nothing special. Just lieing our their ass. After he cheated he said he didn’t love her and she was stupid….sends her a text saying he loves her. 1 of probably a million lies.

  6. K says:

    You always make it all about you.
    I will always love you (your fuel).

    This was a riot because it is all true.

    There is an article in Esquire magazine about Bryan Cranston (Breaking Bad), I have not finished it yet, however, I do not think he is a narcissist. More investigation will have to be done to ascertain what he is.

  7. MyTrueSelf says:

    There’s scope for a whole NarcSpeak handbook here!!!!
    It’s so true, but I laughed anyway 😉 Thanks HG

    Does the narc understand that when we say eg “I love you” etc it has a different meaning from the narc’s interpretation of the words?
    Is it clear to the narc that there is a duplicity playing out?
    Or do they think we are speaking in their vernacular?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      It is regarded as fuel and an expression of how you feel about us.

  8. Rylee says:

    So I’m curious. How do you interact with other narcissists? What are your conversations like? Do you extract fuel from other narcissists? What about your interactions with female natcissists?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      I never have them as an IPPS. I interact with them to gain fuel, have them do things on my behalf. The conversations are similar to any other conversation where I am seeking to seduce and then influence.

      1. Brian says:

        Is it easier to turn a narcissist normie or empath into a lieutenant?

        The approach would be different for the 3 classes?
        Like to recruit a narcissist you might simply say “hey that bloke is a bit of a tosser, let’s mess with him”
        or do you have to get a narcissist to see you as a good guy?

        Are female and male narcissists basically the same difficulty level at conversion,
        Do male and female narcissists relish their tasks equally, if the tasks are negative…?

        Ever made a temporary alliance with another greater?

        Sorry,so many questions :_)

        1. HG Tudor says:

          It is not a fair comparison because an empath lieutenant will be used in different ways to a narcissist lieutenant.

          There is more to what has been suggested in terms of recruitment. One seduces the target and then they are opened up for use as a Lieutenant.

          I see no distinction in terms of gender.

          I do not ally but there is an arrangement of mutual convenience.

  9. Tappan Zee says:

    Too weak to accept responsibility?
    Weak? Is that a gaslight?

  10. Erratum: Decoded should be the book Decipher What The Narcissist Really Means.

  11. betty says:

    HG – these 1 liners are brilliantly funny & true. I might even make one as a bumper sticker and add that to the other badass ones on my motorcycle. The website of course will be added. Think about it…

    1. Tappan Zee says:

      Agree. The 1-liners so funny. I was lol at the gym while walking and reading. Keep em coming!

  12. SpanishPrincess says:

    Excellent information.

  13. Excellent! Is there an app for that? I’d buy it!
    Thank you very much!
    Is there more like this in Decoded?
    Off subject; Do narcs work on what they sound like? Voice tonality or something?When we first got together, there was something very soothing or hypnotic about his voice. He be telling about some incident from his life, I’d find I wasn’t listening so much as letting his voice flow over me. Then I’d hear that tone of voice later on when he was talking to other people. They would seem to relax, then he would use a jolly voice like what he was asking them to do would be fun.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Deciphered – yes there is. Higher echelon narcissists will use tone and intonation to assist our seduction of targets.

      1. Theresa says:

        There is a Wikipedia on psychological manipulation techniques and it lists and details a bunch of them.

        My lovely husband took a few emails of his and broke down how he used those techniques up against the manipulation descriptions.

        Kind of like a sentance diagram. I have them and plan on using them in court. Can’t wait.

        You might get a kick out of them HG.

        I’m fairly certain mine is a psychopath and has narcicisst traits. I have a hard time believing he would be able to have the emotional objectiveness with his language otherwise.

        But that’s just a theory.

        1. Betty says:

          Yes. My ex was high level military and stated that he was skilled in psychological assessment, manipulation and being a chameleon. Its part of the whole Monarch mind programming thing! It’s rather easy to do actually. I don’t manipulate but do have an easy time sizing someone up by their eye movements, body language and their tone.

      2. gabbanzobean says:

        Is a mid range able to adjust the tone and intonation of their voice as well? I always found my mid to have the most soothing voice. Of course while devaluing me it was that of boredom and indifference.

        I read somewhere that when a guy’s voice lowers it means he finds you attractive? His voice frequently dropped an octave or 2 while on the phone. Must have been the fuel huh?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Either that or he was Barry White.

          1. Gabrielle says:


      3. Thank you for the info on tone and intonation. I enjoyed his voice when he wasn’t “spitting poison”, but I came to think it was deliberate when I saw him working it on other people.

      4. Nuit Étoilée says:

        Well that certainly explains my addiction to listening to your youtube videos – and why I thought you were/are a voice professional.

        Holy shit am i glad to be here and not in your proximity!

        1. HG Tudor says:

          You are in the best of places.

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