Little Acons – No. 20
22 thoughts on “Little Acons – No. 20”
Vent Your Spleen! (Please see the Rules in Formal Info)
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No wonder no one comes to see her. Have the mindset to think I Love you enough mom to let you exist in your own realm, I can’t help you with your affliction. I have to love myself too.
Dear Windstorm2,
You are our Mother Earth “wise angel” of narcs, you can comment all you want and we love and look forward to your words. You are very much appreciated.
💜
😊❤️
I second this & all of the other kind words directed at you, Windstorm. I add my appreciation for your wisdom & experience.
narc affair, I feeeeeel it burning inside of me right now.. No light bulbs needed in my house. I am my own light bulb at the moment. It could be so easy without their selfishness! Tell your children every day that they are not guilty and that she is the one, who does not care. They should have another grandmother !
She has never said this, but I realize that her behaviors show this. She has never come to see me unless I used to beg (long time ago) as she ALWAYS expected us to see her. We were to revolve around her and visit her and it was just always assumed it would be that way. When she made it clear 7 years ago that she was too old to travel (code for I don’t like it that you aren’t well off) it was like being punched. Because that meant if I wanted to have a parent, the work was all up to me. I fell in line for a while, but then, I am done. NC for 2 years now.
Sarabella
I sure know what you’re talking about. My mother flat refused to ever even come to see where I lived. I was expected to always come to her. That really hurt me, that my mother wasn’t even willing to see my house.
This for me is a two parter…
My victim midrange mother wont come out and say it but she will guilt trip thru either not contacting me until i text her(i wont call her only text, except for bdays etc) or drops hints to create a pity play. The last time was after thanksgiving she didnt text for weeks so i texted to see if everything was alright. She texted back saying she had been sick since thanksgiving but never says with what. Shes always suffering some ailment meanwhile she doesnt have to work and is healthier than all of us combined. It really bothers me her using faked illness when my hubby has an actual disease and she knows this.
My dirty angel midrange mil will call to dump on my hubby telling him shes taken for granted and she will choose something to pick a fight over so she can rant and cry then hang up on him. I tell him its your mother bored again. She needs 24/7 engagement or she gets depressed and bitchy and demands it from her children who have lives of their own and very real struggles. Youre retired…go find some hobbies!!! Dont rely on family to call you every day and entertain you. My mil talks for hours if she gets you on the phone and we dont have time to talk for hours. Shes got a sister who lives in the same bldg she can hang out with. Instead she dumps on her children for her feelings of lonliness and boredom.
As far as visiting my mothers house she told us 2 years ago we were no longer welcome to come to her house as long as we wouldnt be around my brother and his family. So now i host all the family dinners at my home. My children ask her when they can go over and she avoids answering. I think shes using this as leverage to get me to be around my brother which wont happen due to the toxicity between the three of us. For 8 yrs we did great having seperate visits but shes decided to use that one thing to create issues to get what she wants. We no longer go to visit her and its her own doing. I hurt for my children bc its not their fault and they shouldnt be put in the middle.
I can’t always be at your beck and call! Miss Narc Mom!!!
I have gone no contact with my mother. It’s a sure fire way to stop this comment.
HG, I envy you so much. She is around me, each day. I cannot breathe. Feed me, feed me, feed me. Do this, do that. I need this, I need that. You will never understand how much I envy you for that she is only on the phone. This kind of behaviour makes aggressive. It makes me tear down walls. It makes me crazy. The narc was evil, but she is crazy making. Better a lot of silent treatments, they were the pure relief in comparison to this kind of absence of any kind of silent treatment.
It will be no comfort for you, but be happy that she is only on the phone.
Mona
Your words tear at my heart! It was so horrible for me dealing with my narc mother’s Alzheimer’s. I can’t imagine how impossible it would have been for me if I hadn’t had my children to help. I couldn’t have been her primary caretaker. It would have destroyed me.
I am lighting candles, saying prayers for you and sending you much positive energy!!!
⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️
At least if karma does exist, you’re burning thru a lot of your negative karma you have accumulated. Thinking of that helped me some. ❤️
Windstorm2, you are amazing, kind and thoughtful. Your interventions on this blog are healing. Your clear mind and non-judgmental polite interactions with everyone including HG is remarkable. I’ve learnt from your questions and analysis of different situations, some I’ve saved to read again. Thanks for your constant drops of empathy.
Roju
Thank you that is very sweet. Sometimes I worry about commenting too often, but it just seems like the right thing to do. I care very much for all the people here and feel close to those I’ve known for awhile. And I’ve known so many narcs in so many different ways, it’s easy to identify with much of what is said here.
Thanks again. You’ve brightened my day!
Thank you, Windstorm. I did not clearly understand your last two sentences because of my lack in Englisch. But I saw the heart and the flashes. Yes, I am burning sometimes. I have so much fire and orange flames inside of me that sometimes I could burn down the whole world.
But let us distract from me, I see it as a huge piece of impudence that HG`s mother asks for a visit at all. She has no right in the world to do so. None at all. It would be only justice, if he does not visit her very often or if he would stop to visit her.
Ah Mona, but being a narcissist, Matrinarc feels entitled to whatever she wants and views HG as just one of her appliances. Our logic doesn’t apply to her reasoning.
It always irritates me when a mother will think, “I gave birth to you. Isn’t that enough? Now you owe me.” But a lot of narc mothers seem to think that way.
Hello again, Mona! I live with my covert narc mom. She is apparently trying to improve – nevertheless two therapysts already gave up her case; so I am schooling myself on not giving her much fuel. My grandma, on the other hand, is a somatic overt narcissist, she is very machiavellian. She is always faking tears and sending messages through her minions on why do I never visit her, she loves me so much, etc. I’ve learned to ignore it, as everytime I fail on my self imposed resolutions I get a very quickly reminder on the reason why I should avoid seeing her.
I guess I screwed up my sons, too. And my daughter. 🙁
CC
It’s never too late to mend a relationship with your children. They will always want your love and time, just like we always wished we had our mothers’ love and time. Even at the end, if my mother had reached out to me with love or kindness, I would have responded in kind. But she was incapable of doing that because she was a narc. You can always reach out to your children.
It is exactly what my Mother of Hell is trying to do now.
She had lived in another city alone for many years and 4 months ago she started to phone and tell me, that she wants to live near me.
I sold her flat (actually, it was my flat and I was a single owner of it) and bought another one in my city. Now she lives 5 minutes’ walk from me and tryes really hard to make things “right” – helps to rise our son, makes my favorite carrot pies, tryes to hug me, does everything I say without any protestations…Mrs. Pleasant, in short.
I reciprocate to her pleasantries, I don’t have any desire to hurt her, but it is too late to amend our relationship on deep level. I’m internally indifferent. No way back. But it seems, she is glad to have even that. Good.
….”.unless you want something.” My mother always added that to “you never call me/come see me.”
I’m sure in her mind she was thinking, “because you are so selfish and never think of anyone but yourself”.
Whereas I was thinking, “that’s because you are so mean and hurtful. I have to really need something to go thru the pain of being around you.”