When we seduce you, we want to absorb you. We want to make you part of us. This is because we see you as an extension of ourselves but it is also because we want to ensure that you are isolated and cut-off from any potential threats to our grand design for you. It is also because we want you exposed to those who will only increase and magnify our charm, our magnetism and our attraction. This means we need to expose you to and integrate you within our own networks. Accordingly, where we are the type of narcissist that has a significant social circle and family connections, you will be thrust into their midst very quickly when the seduction has begun. It is akin to taking hold of you, hanging you over a vat of liquid which represents all of our supporters, admirers and adorers and dunking you straight into it ensuring you are wholly covered, utterly subsumed and completely covered. You will be paraded around these various sources of ours in order to extract fuel from their admiration at our latest conquest. Our smearing of your predecessor will mean that that person is rarely mentioned and if they are it will be in terms which are disparaging about them and complimentary about us. That is how our coterie and lieutenants have been conditioned to respond for the purposes of maintaining our glorious appearance. We will draw fuel from all of their complimentary remarks and furthermore we will be able to gather fuel from your delighted reaction at being presented as such a wonderful and perfect person. It amounts to a fuel fest for us. This integration with those who worship us and promote our agenda is a crucial part of how we embed you into our world. You are made to feel special and wanted, liked and involved as you find yourself invited to a family dinner, a christening, a wedding, nights out with our friends, drinks with other friends, an afternoon coffee and so on. So many ways to plug you into our world by using the all obliging members of our façade. This absorption convinces you that we are the real deal. Who in in their right mind would stand against such conviction from so many people? Nobody of course and that is how our magic is woven. You feel so fortunate. Not only have you met the partner of your dreams but our family are so welcoming and friendly, and our friends are delightful. Nobody has a bad word to say about us. Little do you realise that this is almost like a television programme with actors playing the parts of family and friends and the wonderful places and events that we take to you are just scenery that has been created to give the appearance of reality. If you were able to look behind the scenes then you would see one-dimensional cardboard cut-outs, masking tape and spray paint. You will not notice though. We do not allow you sufficient time to take everything in. You are whisked from one thing to another, festooned with compliments, spun around, whirled about and not given any opportunity to consider, reflect or scrutinise. Everything is moving, shining and sparkling in order to distract you. Oh those klaxons are blaring but you cannot hear them for the honey being poured in your mouth. The red flags are flying but there is so much glitter being thrown about by us, so much fairy dust hanging in the air that you are unable to see those scarlet warnings.

We want to draw you into us through ensuring that you are utterly immersed in our supportive and obliging networks. This also means that if you happen to have some kind of concern, perhaps a slight inkling that something is not quite right and you ask one of the many people you have been introduced to, you will receive the party line in response in order to assuage your concern. This absorbing into our world, our band of merry supporters provides you with no chance to resist. Whereas in your past you may have found the mother-in-law to be distant or a brother unwelcoming, friends jealous that their friend now has a new distraction and so forth, all of those potential problems do not exist with us. This is because the few that might know what we are, the handful which may identify that there is something wrong with us even though they may not know exactly what we are, will have been side-lined. They are not allowed to point out that the beautiful world that we have created is one of smoke and mirrors. Their dissenting voices have been silenced, their pointing fingers cut off and they have been bundled away. If you ever ask about them we will either ignore your question or advance an entirely plausible reason why we no longer have anything to do with our brother. As you will recognise by now, it will all be his fault.

You are to be subsumed not only into our identity as we swallow you up to form part of us, a functioning and reliable appliance pumping fuel our way, but you are also woven into the tapestry that is our illusion. Each introduction, each party, each greeting, each pleasant afternoon getting to know members of our coterie is but a further needle stroke as we pass the thread over you and enmesh you into our illusion. Tighter and tighter the thread becomes until you are a complete part of it. Of course, should you eventually realise that you have been woven into a fabrication, the thread will be so tight about you, so complete and so covering that escape is nigh on impossible without the assistance of someone else who is able to cut you free.








14 thoughts on “Absorb

  1. Mona says:

    I believe you are always absorbed into the circle of your new boyfriend. There is no difference between a narcissistic and a normal relationship. Everyone wants that. We invite him too to get to know our family and our friends. But … the narc dominates. His family is more important to meet, his friends are more important to meet , his…. He always finds reasons, why his relationships are much more important than ours. And we accept it. He starts to isolate us from the very beginning. And we do not see it. We want to please him.
    I did not like most of his friends and I did not like his mother. She stared at me at our first meeting with something which was a mixture of jealousy, envy and some coldness. That should have warned me. I felt uncomfortable about/with her but then I ignored it. Then she decided I was useful and I was absorbed into their strange family life too. She ! tested me, pretended a sudden qualm and I had to bring her home from work. It was so obvious. I smiled about that- but only at first. And – of course – I did it.
    This absorbing did not really function. I do not miss anyone of his “friends” or his family.
    But if they would have been really nice people, it would have been much harder.

    1. Overthinker says:

      I absolutely adore his family they treated me like gold I miss them to this day and also most of his friends I adore with the exception of the one who hated me

      1. Mona says:

        Overthinker, this is very sad for you and it is just another kind of their trying to bind you to the narc forever. They want you to miss their environment (family and friends, events) ! …

    2. Noname says:


      If the mother of a man hates and doesn’t accept you, it almost always means the “end of story”.

      “She stared at me at our first meeting with something which was a mixture of jealousy, envy and some coldness”. It isn’t just a red flag, it is an imperative command to walk away.

      We have to respect our parents, but no, no third parties are allowed between a man and his woman.

  2. Victory says:

    This is the article I wish I would’ve read 3 years ago. It all seemed so real.

  3. Lori says:

    Was the story (Absorb) finished or cut short, HG? Was there supposed to be more?

    1. HG Tudor says:


  4. Just Me says:

    I was duped by the Partridge Family facade… and then thrown under the bus for not playing along.

  5. Overthinker says:

    he had one friend who hated me so he cut ties with him I realize it wasn’t for me he did it he did it because he felt critisized

  6. Sally says:

    Scarily accurate.

  7. Oh,
    It’s like being the lead in The Truman Show. You have us play this important part, but we don’t know it.

    All the props and actors saying their scripted lines. Mine was cunning in that he also coached me on my part, by telling me of these wonderful people I was to meet. Seems what I said and heard at the beginning was,

    “So nice to finally meet you! W has told me so many good things about you! Yes, isn’t he so : nice, charming, friendly, funny generous, polite?”
    He gets his ego stroked so much in this love fest. And we all reinforce to each other, “What a wonderful guy”. Without him lifting a finger. He needs do nothing but listen to us praise him, as scripted.

    Only the director knows it’s all a show.And we are shuffled between being actors and props. Only those props and actors in the scene are allowed on set.

    You get some clue or inkling that it is all an act. But the whole world can’t be in on it, can it?

    You are Absorbed.

    Until/unless you can pierce the dome.

    Even then, there is the disembodied voice calling, “the real world is not safe. Come back to what you know and accept it as truth. You are but an actor in my show. Merely a thread of the tapestry that is me.”
    Those entangled will need good eyes,patience, and a sharp seam ripper to unravel the image woven there.

  8. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD. says:


    1. Perfect! Eerie, also.
      How to do find such perfect video/music illustrations?

      1. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD. says:

        lmao! Thank you.

        Big picture thinker!? I’m not sure. The big picture usually triggers a song in my head lol.

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