If You Leave the Narcissist

 

IF YOU LEAVE THE NARCISSIST YOUTUBE.jpg

 The narcissist senses that the grip on the victim is under threat in the dynamic between narcissist and Intimate Partner Primary Source. A Preventative Hoover follows – can you establish which school and cadre of narcissist (or narcissists?) is delivering these Preventative Hoovers?

If you leave me I shall surely die and you cannot want that on your conscience can you? If you leave me now, everything that we have built up together will come crashing down around us. Why would you want to do that? Why destroy what we have. Yes, I know that things have not been as good between us lately, but it is not the time to focus on those few bad things but rather to remember what we had, what we have and to treasure that. We are meant to be together. We are bound together as one and I cannot allow you to leave and break what should be unbreakable. How could you countenance doing such a thing? We work so well together, have I not given you love that is beyond anything else you have ever experienced before? You said as such yourself. You have written about it so many times in those beautiful letters that you composed for me, a perfect partner to the expressions of love, passion and desire that I have spoken so many times to you. We have that perfect love, we have just lost our way a little, that is all. We can soon find it again, trust me. We found one another at the beginning didn’t we? Two lost souls who had both been hurt by others before, we saw enough in one another to trust one another with recounting those painful memories didn’t we? We were fated to meet. It was meant to be and if we were able to find ourselves amidst the fog of hurt and regret then surely we can find our way again now? I will do whatever is required to make you stay with me. I cannot let something this precious trickle through my fingers, not now, not after everything that we have said and done.

We have such plans for the future. We want to marry one another and raise a family. That desire cannot have evaporated overnight. No, I thought as much, I can see it in your eyes. Look at me and you will see a man who will be nothing more than a wretched soul if he was to lose you. You are everything to me, you are my north star, my guiding light, my sense of calm and serenity when all is chaos around us. I need you and you need me. We fit together so well. Everybody says that about us. What hope is there for the rest of the world if they see those icons of a perfect love torn asunder? Who will they look to for comfort and encouragement? We not only have an obligation towards one another but to them as well. There is too much darkness out there. Too much hurt, agony and cruelty and we can stand together and be that shining beacon of hope. Do it for me, do it for them, do it for us. Please, I am collapsing inside. The thought of never waking beside you ever again fills me with the most terrible dread. If you leave me, you will rip out the core of me and I will perish. There will be no purpose without you. Everything will become grey, ashen and dark. All colour will be drained from my world if you walk away now. Please do not do it. Please stay with me. I want you to be happy. I want to be happy. I want us to be happy together. There is so much we have not yet done, so many worlds to experience together, to conquer and rule. You are the one who sits at my left hand, my queen. Whatever is needed, just say the words and I will execute what is required but please, please, I am begging you, do not leave me. I love you.

If you leave me I shall ensure you die and believe me, it will not trouble my conscience. If you leave me now, everything that you know and cherish will come crashing down around you. Why would I want to do that? Why destroy what you have? Because you deserve it for your selfishness and your disdain towards me, after everything that I have done for you. Yes, I know that things have not been as good between us lately, but that is because you have not made the time to focus on me and you would rather forget what we had, what I gave you and to treasure me. We will always be together. You will not escape me. I will make it my sole mission in my life to ensure you never become free of me. We are bound together as one, you accepted that from the beginning and I cannot allow you to leave and break what I am entitled to. How could you countenance doing such a thing? How could you hurt the one who has done so much for you? I know how, because you are a fraud, a cruel temptress who swept me up and promised the earth and then delivered nothing. Oh wicked harridan, seditious slut and cruel crone you are. I worked so hard to bring us together, have I not given you love that is beyond anything else you have ever experienced before? You said as such yourself. You have written about it so many times in those beautiful letters that you composed for me, a perfect partner to the expressions of love, passion and desire that I have spoken so many times to you. Well understand this. I meant none of it. I have never loved you, you do not deserve my love, I will give it to someone who will appreciate it and give me what I want, but I will not let you rest. I will not let you walk away from me. You have a price to pay and you will keep on paying. I have created the perfect love and you have trodden all over it. If you try to leave I can soon find you again, trust me. My reach is far and wide. You have no idea of those who are waiting to help me and bring you down. I found you at the beginning didn’t I? That wasn’t me acting alone, I can promise you that. You a broken and lost soul who had been hurt by others before, I saw enough in you to endure you recounting those painful memories didn’t I? Oh I listened alright, storing all the details and I will use them against you now. I will scatter them to the four winds, posting and spreading details of your vulnerabilities far and wide. Not only those but all of the others I have collected whilst we have been together. Oh I have quite the collection and I will not hesitate to use them to destroy you. We were not fated to meet, I chose you. It was meant to be and I will find you again amidst the fog of hurt and regret that I will weave around you so you cannot see a way to escape. I will do whatever is required to make you stay with me. I cannot let something this precious trickle through my fingers, not now, not after everything that we have said and done.

I have such plans for the future. I want to marry another and raise a family and I will keep you updated as to that progress so you are tormented by what you could have had, but you chose to be selfish and leave. That malicious intent will not evaporate overnight, you do realise that don’t you? No, I thought as much, I can see the fear in your eyes. Look at me and you will see a man who will turn you into nothing more than a wretched shadow of your former self. I am everything to you, I will be the clouds which obscure your waystar, I will snuff out your light, I will eradicate any sense of calm and serenity by sowing chaos all around you. You need me more than ever. My machinations fit together so well. Everybody will know how treacherous you are if you dare to leave me. What hope is there for the rest of the world if they see this icon of perfection treated so unfairly? Who will they look to for leadership and brilliance? I not only have an obligation towards myself but to my supporters as well. There is much darkness out there for you, all created by me. Much hurt, agony and cruelty and my supporters will and can stand together and be that relentless machine that crushes you. Do it and see what happens. Please me or you will collapse inside. The thought of never sleeping properly again will fill you with dread because I will always be there, waiting and watching. If you leave me, I will rip your heart out and consume it. There will be no purpose left for you. Everything will become grey, ashen and dark. All colour will be drained from your world if you walk away now. Do not do it. Stay with me. I want you to be controlled. I want to control you. I want and I will get it. There is so much I have not yet done to you, so many worlds of yours to conquer and rule. You are the one who lies broken at my feet, my conquest. Whatever is needed, I will say the words and I will execute what is required to make your life a living hell but I am ordering you, you will not leave me. I hate you.

 

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40 thoughts on “If You Leave the Narcissist”

  1. He never asked me to stay. He wanted me gone so badly he was almost desperate and ramped up his verbal abuse until the day I left. The last time I had spoken with him asking for a goodbye after I had left, He said have a nice life. I hope you find someone else that makes you happy … TALK TO YOU LATER …and hung up on me. Sneaky to add in the talk to you later. But he definitely made my life a complete hell which I am still struggling with the damage financially …so he denied closure once again. He was saying goodbye but ….I know he hates me. I stood up to him every time he raged on. The theatrics were amazingly funny.

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  2. This particular article is in my top 5 favorite on your YouTube channel. I absolutely love it. Another one of my favorite masterpieces of yours, HG is Malice.

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  3. Thank you, that you translated it for me.
    It is a pity, that he only wrote those cryptic letters. I would have a good evidence for later times, if he had written some of that. He is too wary at the moment.

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  4. HG does this apply to people the narc has disengaged from that ignored a Hoover attempt and maintain no contact? Or is it just for the people who left the narc?

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    1. This relates to a situation where the victim is looking to escape so a Preventative Hoover is issued to stop that happening.

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  5. Hello HG,
    Today i told him that we can’t have this relation for the reason that i can not forget his bad behaviours to me. I told him that i want to break up. He was very calm surprisingly. Before, i mentioned this 4 times and told him to pack his staff from my house, he got crazy with physical abuse. He was very nice to me and he asked me if i was sure or not. He left the house to the cafe where my friends hang out ( he also complains a lot about my friends at that cafe). He is trying to conquer my friends by showing that how much a good person he is, is not it?
    I have questions, and if you explain from your perspective i will be very glad.
    1- why is he very calm and still good to me although i tell him that i want to seperate?
    2- why can’t i be insisting on my decision about breaking up. He is still my house.
    3- Is he trying to conquere my social webs by going to the place where he doesn’t want me to go?
    4- How can i seperate from him without any trouble?
    5- Neither i can do with him nor without him. However, i can not stand his high and dominant energy anymore. What do you recommend to have me back. Because i miss myself a lot.
    Thanks.

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    1.  Calm before the storm. He didnt deem it necessary to physically beat you This Time.

      “I want you to be controlled. I want to control you. I want and I will get it. There is so much I have not yet done to you, so many worlds of yours to conquer and rule. You are the one who lies broken at my feet, my conquest. Whatever is needed, I will say the words and I will execute what is required to make your life a living hell but I am ordering you, you will not leave me. I hate you.”

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    2. Aurora, having a consultation with HG is priceless and highly recommended. He will absolutely guide you through the emotion ocean and get you safely to dry land. You have quite a journey ahead of you. Buckle up 🙂

      I’d like to try and answer your questions for you if I may, based upon what I’ve learned so far from HG.

      1. It is a preventative hoover.
      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZD1E2FQcUs0&t=113s

      2. Because he does not care what you think. He will do what he pleases. He feels that is HIS house, not yours.
      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X7GU1ab9Xrc
      https://narcsite.com/2017/11/07/found-in-translation-4/

      3. Yes. He’s taking over your territory. Gaining the confidence of your friends so his smear campaign is more effective.
      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5nayv8XXvzk&t=247s

      4. GOSO. NC.
      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1FLygkRcSeA&t=636s

      5. Healing is not HG’s arena. You’re on your own there. There’s tons of great narc abuse healing tools on youtube. Just search the topic 🙂
      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Kd1jb4niZk&t=133s

      Best,
      Peaceful.

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    1. Ah Blank!,
      I have said “I love you, too, sweetheart!” so many times sarcastically, when he was berating me about something! He didn’t get it. Or maybe it stunned him. He would reply directly to that “That’s not what I said, and you know it!!”
      I should have added “Goodbye”, long before I actually did.

      I’d forgotten about that, and how well it worked to make him stomp off in a fury!

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  6. Mr Tudor,

    You gave us tasks to do and those exercises are great but it frustrates me that we are never getting to know the correct answers!
    I would like to know who the class room narcissist is and which school of narcissist Harvey Weinstein and Kevin Spacey is ? I was waiting patiently even though the patience is not my strongest side.
    Pretty please 🙂.

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    1. ABW
      Maybe he is doing it for fuel. Frustration = fuel.

      P.S. I am being facetious I am using humor to practice the dynamic.

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  7. Mine Wants me to leave. I had him pegged the 1st week knowing something was most certainly wrong with this mf. After googling his non-human, deranged & sickly twisted cold-hearted antics, characteristics, & selfishness beyond Belief, I discovered the doomed world of narcissistic personality disorder. Fast forwarding 4.5 yrs later he wants me gone. And Badly. I haven’t had the money to just move out of a house, nor would I qualify thru a management company. And of course he’s gone out of his way to make sure I’m as Miserable as possible even if it means leaving himself to live the misery as well. He’s turned off the water to the house for 2 days in a row. I put a hose (the front yard hose had water for some reason) in thru the bedroom window on his wood lenolium floors that aren’t supposed to get wet and filled a huge laundry tub with water. Put both huge crock pots in the bathroom to heat the water and I did bathe. And Yes, what a complete exhausting pain in the ass that was, (especially since I’m a massage therapist and see clients at home), but when he came home he was mad but didn’t say a word. He always goes into his shop and I won’t even see him until about 10/11pm when he comes in for bed (Maybe a shower. He’s Gross! & a mechanic). I left the tub full of water so he would have to move it himself if he wanted to shower. And by doing, that as if his obstacles don’t bother or stop me in missing a beat, it doesn’t hinder him in his childish mean behaviours. I did find what does tho. The Law. I told him I have a detective friend who said if I’m thrown out and he has to come pick me up then he’s taking my NPD to jail too. Except he’s not going to be getting out. He’s a pedophile. But there isn’t Enough to prove him guilty. He doesn’t Know that and I figured it All out, called his bluff and That is the Only thing that saves me from the street with my dog. And I’m taking his 2 dogs when I do leave. I told him he has to file an eviction if he wants me gone otherwise I will file a writ of reentry if he locks me out, turns off any of the utilities (which he was doing on a weekly basis btwn water, my phone, the internet modem). He won’t even sweep the saltine cracker crumbs off the bed b4 he sleeps, he certainly is too lazy to go to court to file. He now has the modem and router. I bought a wife modem that night and hooked it up, hid it, and ghosted the signal. I have internet and he and his son are going without thinking he’s making me suffer. It’s just sick and twisted. Never in all of my life have I ever seen such a mentally ill, immature, selfish, self centered demon as I have in him. It takes every bit of strength and the help of God Not to snap and end up with life in prison. Every thing I own, I’ve had to buy at least twice or it’s gone for good. He’s a pathological thief, liar, and homosexual who’re. He’s cheated chronically the entire 4.5 yrs and Only with Men. God willing, I found a house that I can move into in January. I fully financially support my 19yo daughter whom is going to a university for engineering. I also just about pay for everything in this household of 2 adults (by age), a 16 yo (turned narcissist) son of His, his 2 dogs, and mine. The only thing I don’t pay is the $900 mortgage to his dad (house was bought for him Cash), electric, and water bill. Everything else, including the dogs vet bills, I pay for. But if course in his sick twisted delusional mind I’m a mooch that lives off of him, does nothing all day, and creates a toxic environment. I ignore him bc I Know he’s sick in his head. The Law is now passed that charges can be pressed for psychological abusive warfare. I have hundreds of gb of data for proof. I have a few things I was advised to get done b4 I file as so I have a solid case. I refuse to leave out of this mess in worse shape than I was coming into it. I refuse to just leave knowing there will be more victims he’ll destroy. Not everyone is as strong as I have proven to be throughout this nightmare. But I had a goal in mind on departing. If it’s the last thing I do, I want justice served and this evil pedophile demon locked up and the key thrown away. His daughter is out finally with her mom, who’s not much better but at least he can’t violate her anymore. His son is now a full blown narcissistic demon. He reminds me of one of those kids ud think could be responsible for killing his parents or shooting up a school. I tried only in vain to get CPS involved and they are worthless. I have God on my side and have since I was little. He’s Always helped me to put a stop to the bullies that I’ve defeated thru out my life. No one should get away with hurting another person deliberately for their own sick gratification. Not if I can help it. So that’s just a tiny bit of why he wants me gone. And I want to go more than he could ever want me gone. It’s sad he’s too stupid and prideful, living in delusional denial so much that instead of letting me be to make the money I need to be able to move out he sabotaged and throws obstacles at me resulting in a my income being cut to about half. All the while enduring the inconveniences that he creates for me. I wish, I only wish, that it could be possible to gather all these fuckers up and dispose of them. The world would be a better, less dramatized and selfish place. Everyone go press charges for emotional abuse. Make sure u are seeing a therapist tho. U have a better chance at getting them prosecuted justly with a professional validating their abuse and damage they’ve caused.
    I feel a lot better now. 😊 Thank you.

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    1. Chauntelle Russell

      You are welcome. You may want to consider getting out (GOSO*) if you are able and going no contact. Forget about justice for now, take the dogs, leave and never look back. Focus on yourself.

      *Get out, stay out

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    2. If God is on your side, he must have wanted you to deal with the bullies, or else he wouldn’t have put them on your path, right? All the evil in this world, all the narcissism, all the terrible things that happen to innocent people, especially children, should be enough proof that God doesn’t exist. Why would God be on your side and not on the side of my narcs ex-girlfriend, who committed suicide? Why would God be on your side and not on the side of children in Thailand or Nepal or any country who are being raped and molested by older men, the filthysex-tourists. Sorry, but religious statements always piss me off so bad.

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      1. Blank,
        I agree.
        People proclaiming god is on their side, when the opposing side also makes that claim, it gets even more ridiculous. Sounds suspiciously like a narcissist construct.
        . Gov’t and religion have always seemed to me to be a propagandist system put in place to convince you to give up control over your own life to those who operate that system in order to gain power over others.
        Even harder to wrap thoughts around is the fact of good and evil. They are coexistent. You would not be able to describe the one without referencing to the other. And our preferences make no difference to the reality that there is, and will always be, both.
        So;
        god:unreal
        Good and evil:real

        Perse

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      2. Everyone should be allowed the freedom to express their own thoughts/beliefs without being mocked for it. I’m not sure why you need be “pissed” at someone relating their own beliefs, feelings or experiences.

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      3. Perse: Amen!

        Caroline: I don’t need to be pissed, I just felt pissed. And I think I should be allowed the freedom to express my own thoughts, without being mocked for it.

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      4. Blank,
        I didn’t mock you. I pointed out you had anger toward someone for expressing their views/beliefs.

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      5. Caroline, my anger is not towards this woman, I don’t even know her, it’s towards religion. And I am frustrated about people naming God as their saviour, who is on their side during all kinds of ordeals, when I think ‘who put you there in the first place then?’ I could write a book now about this subject, but I guess it’s better to just wish you a good day today.

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      6. Blank,
        I understand what you’re saying. I do understand how you feel. And I love how you expressed it – so respectfully. And I wish you a good day as well. (I’d give you a real cute emoji here — but for some reason, when I try to post them, they disappear — kind of like a narcissist would, lol).
        XO!

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  8. This line: I want us to be happy together, reminds me of “Happy Together” by The Turtles. And I laughed when I read: you are a fraud.
    Oh wicked harridan, seditious slut and cruel crone you are (nice alliterations). We both think the other is the love fraud. The irony is amusing.

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  9. These are four versions of the preventive hoover by different narcissists, correct?

    1. Midrange Victim (pity play)
    2. Greater Elite (utterly charming)
    3. Lesser Somatic (threatening, uncontrolled fury)
    4. I’m stumped. It seems malign, which is unusual for a preventive hoover. It reads like the thinking of a Greater, but I don’t think a Greater would take the mask off like that, especially in a preventive hoover.

    How ironic that these all read like things we might say upon being discarded, depending on the type of Victim.

    Nicely done!

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