Nothing’s Impossible

NOTHING'SIMPOSSIBLE

 

 

There are times when even my charm is in limited supply and is refusing to stretch. This often happens when I have subjected a victim to a fierce period of devaluation so that they have been pushed to their limits and they are at breaking point. Something stirs inside of them which causes them to decide that they need to escape me. They may not fully understand why but they know that they need to depart. It may be the case that an external influence is interfering in my carefully laid plans of denigration and this meddling threatens to puncture of even sever my supply of delicious negative fuel. It is at these moments when I am staring at the potential loss of a succulent supply of fuel that I make a particular play in order to prevent the cessation of supply. In such circumstances I will ensure that there is only you and I and that the potential for external interference is at a minimum. I need to ensure that I have your undivided attention and there will not be somebody else seeking to throw a spanner into the works. I want them excluded and banished so that I can concentrate entirely on you and make my last throw of the dice.

“I know that this time I will have to change,” I will begin as I fix you with my most earnest of looks. You stop what you are doing and look at me and already I can see the indecision in your eyes as I start with this sentence. It is always a good opening gambit. You and your like love to think that we can change, that there is some goodness deep within us that can be harnessed and used to get us back on track. You are great believers in redemption.

“I need a miracle to help me this time, “ I continue as I underline the gravity of the task that I am faced with. By according such gravitas to your stated intention to depart, I demonstrate just how seriously I am taking your threat. Inside I am exploding with rage at your audacity in daring to even to suggest that you will leave me. Me, of all people, me who has done so much for you. It is everything I can do to contain the fury but I know I must do so for an explosion now will be what finally pushes you away.

“How did we come to be this far apart?” I ask fixing you with a pleading look. By underlining that we were once so close, nay inseparable, I am appealing to your desire to bring us back to that closeness once again. This also allows you a chance to talk and talk is something you like to do. I let you trot out all the perceived injustices that you have supposedly suffered at my hands. I hear little of it because I know that you are mistaken and this is all based on your incorrect perceptions of me. This time I just have to let it wash over me in order to allow my influence to exert itself over you. I cannot stand to be criticised and inside I am dying but I am taking this blow for the greater good, the greater good of ensuring this precious fuel supply remains intact.

“Just tell me what you need me to do and I will do it,” I trot out next, conning you into thinking that you have some vestige of power and authority over me, when of course you have none. Again in order to serve my own purposes I am content to allow you to think that you can bring some influence to bear over me. Again this will give you a chance to detail all of the change and remedial behaviours you expect me to engage in. I will nod and make the appropriate noises as you ramble on about the changes you want me to effect. I pluck the lines which I have heard others use on so many occasions to enable me to continue my con. You are suckered by it on every occasion. I know it works and this is why I do it.

“I know we can get through this, nothing’s impossible,” I add as I take your hands and stare into your eyes. Invariably this line secures you giving me yet another chance and your relief eclipses my own as I know that I have you once again. Your joy at not parting provides me with even further fuel and I can allow you a brief golden period by way of reward. After all, you may as well enjoy it because it is not going to last for long is it?

10 thoughts on “Nothing’s Impossible

  1. Narc Angel says:

    Narc Affair

    Thank you for expanding. I asked because you recognized in your previous post that it is a bad cycle to get into as the abuse intensifies and I do not wish that for you. Having the resolve to avoid, reduce and disengage with boundary breakers outside of your intimate relationship indicates a strengthening and may allow you time and perspective to deal with your Narc in future. Keep clearing those toxins.

    1. narc affair says:

      Hi narc angel. Ty for your words of encouragement. Its been a journey of learning and growing but much more growth is ahead. I feel im nearing the top of the mountain and need to get over the top of it if that makes sense. Knowledge is so valuable and thats given me strength just knowing whats going on.

  2. Narc Affair

    Are your boundaries becoming stronger or weaker?

    1. narc affair says:

      Hi narc angel…this is a good question and ive had to think on it a bit. The obvious answer is my boundaries in a lot of ways have become weaker …with him. I look back to when id first met him and ask myself knowing what all hes put me thru on and off over the 7 yrs would i back then have ended it if i knew id be subjected to this and yes i wouldve. The problem is when you stay over a prolonged period they gradually wear you down and you become attached and conditioned. Its not an excuse but a reality in my case. Ive gotten to the point where ive let a lot slide and this is bc my boundaries are weaker. I still have boundaries and he knows them. He still tries to cross them. My boundaries are definitely weaker with him bc ive left and gone back numerous times. He knows he can get away with a certain amount and im sure will keep pushing.
      As far as other people in my life my boundaries are stronger and i wont put up with these narc types in my life. Despite my confidance being lower the fact i can spot these personalities whether narcs or those with a lot of narc traits i will now disengage. If i dont have to be around them i dont. Its made it easier to clean the toxins out of my life or decrease it. Ive become stronger in some areas of my life and weaker in other areas.

  3. narc affair says:

    This is my narc and i exactly! He knows the exact words to say and apologizes but i know deep down as loving and sweet as he can be inside hes probably livid with me and thinks i have gall to expect an apology. This is where the narcs dependance on fuel infuriates them. They dont want to apologize and its beneath them. I could never understand why hed change and be sensitive but then devalue me again or make a covert insult poking fun at a past arguement wed had. Its bc he resented apoligizing and the covert insult was like him crossing his fingers as he said im sorry but later on…very cowardly.
    They really are creatures of dependance bc they need that fuel and the facade gets fuel and does damage control. So many times hes apologized and weve gone back to the happily ever after. It dawned on me early on why is it me always upset or insecure and it clicked…bc hes causing it. Its easy to be secure when youre in control of the abuse. He has the luxury of knowing ive never tried to hurt him intentionally.
    This is a bad cycle to get into bc the more times you go back the less they apolozie and the abuse intensifies. Those bundaries are being demolished and they know you become weaker.

  4. I’ve heard that song before
    Promises,promises you knew you’d never keep

    But it works for you, so you use it,

    But you will make me pay for wanting the cessation of the pain that brings your best fuel

    Why did I believe?

    This is exactly my experience, I’ll bet those are also his thoughts and fury as he made those promises.

    Anything,anything,anything

    Learning so the lesson will be past tense, and future remembered

  5. Dorian Bruins says:

    How did we come to this? Do you really want to know? You don’t, do you? No….. I know you don’t. Because you can’t handle the truth. You never could. You created a web of lies around yourself, to escape the truth, and foolishly enough, you believe them yourself. Do you really expect me to believe you will be able to handle it this time? Nah. I don’t think so. Bye now.

  6. Diann says:

    Thank you.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      You are welcome.

  7. Chingona says:

    “…it’s not going to last for long…”

Vent Your Spleen! (Please see the Rules in Formal Info)

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.