I Love You (And I Always Have)


This is a well-used phrase by our kind and is wheeled out with regularity during love-bombing. At face value and of course that is how you will take it because you are in the midst of a veritable whirlwind of compliments, flattery and passion, this seems a straight forward enough comment to make. However there is far more to it than meets the eye. Just as we operate from a different perspective to you, we also utilise language in a different way and one of the key ways of tackling our kind is to understand what we are REALLY saying when we use these delicious phrases and appealing comments.

So, what do my kind really mean when we say “I love you and I always have”?

My need to seduce you is considerable and therefore I will use language which will appeal to you and be so outlandish that it will blow you away. I do not actually love you. I do not love in the way that you do. I understand that the closest I come to it is infatuation. I am not in fact infatuated with you but more precisely with what you can do for me. My needs are paramount. Yours are largely irrelevant. I write irrelevant because I do take them into account during the seduction but after that they are thrown to one side, but that is something different and not the purpose of explaining what I mean when I say the above phrase to you.

I say I love you and mean I am infatuated with you. I am infatuated with three things that you will give me through my successful seduction of you.

  1. Fuel, the most important item;
  2. Useful traits which I can apply to my construct and parade as my own achievement, characteristics and accomplishments to make me appear even more attractive to you and other people (and thus get more fuel); and
  3. Residual benefits such as a roof over my head or getting you to pay for things.

I want those three things. I want the fuel most of all but the other two matter as well. To get those things I need to seduce you. To seduce you I need to say things like this, grand statements which will amaze you and sweep you off your feet. Why will it have this effect? Well, because you are a love devotee. As an empathic individual one of your traits is that you are a love devotee. This means you belief very much in the concept of love, how love is wonderful, how love can conquer all, how love crosses any boundary and love is amazing, splendid and the best thing in the world. I know you are a love devotee because I have studied you before I approached you. With this knowledge I know that making a statement like the one above will resonate with you considerably for the following reasons: –

  1. As a believer in love you want to hear that someone loves you;
  2. You want this love to be grand, sweeping and extraordinary. By explaining that I have always been in love with you, I achieve this. It is a statement which conjures up images in your mind’s eye of me waiting for years before I picked my moment to tell you, of me sitting with my love burning away and how you have never noticed. It appeals to you to think in such terms. It is romantic and glorious.
  3. I will have plausibility on my side. I may know you already as we may be friends or colleagues. I may be a neighbour. I may be your therapist even. If I do not know you in detail, we may know each other by sight and the occasional hello from attending the same gym or such like. You may not know me but I will generate (fabricate) a back story that I have watched you from the coffee shop every day as you walk past (once I have established that you do so) and I have been in love with you. This plausibility overcomes any natural hesitance you may have. The immensity of the love factor in this statement will overcome any slight scepticism you may have, that having been eroded already by the plausibility.

Saying this statement is a direct shot at your heart and is part of the harpoon strike that we engage in when we are seducing a victim.

It is not true however. We have chased plenty of people before you. We may have only set eyes on your two days ago and we do not love in the manner that you do. Everything about this statement is false, it serves our purpose to seduce you and to do so quickly.

To learn and understand more about what the narcissist really means when he says certain things to you, read DECIPHER : WHAT THE NARCISSIST REALLY MEANS

US  https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01G964SI8

UK  https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B01G964SI8

CAN https://www.amazon.ca/dp/B01G964SI8

AUS  https://www.amazon.com.au/dp/B01G964SI8


13 thoughts on “I Love You (And I Always Have)”

  1. Mine always repeated how amazing and hot we would have been, had we only met when we’re in our 20’s. That he was always looking for me.

    1. Mine too! I recognise this so well. He went on and on and on about it and never stopped. I used to joke about it saying that we were lucky not to have met that early in life since he’d probably left me for his secretary by now then. He had no humour though.

  2. HG, I’ve read some where that your kind hates to hear the words I love you said to them. That it’s painful and the worst thing you could say to one of your kind. Is this true? And if so, why?
    Thank you,

  3. Dear Mr Tudor,
    My friend uttered those words to me. I said “no you don’t, if you persist along these lines I shall no longer be your friend” … be back flipped 100 mph.
    I tried to leave then and many times after, but I was worried about his mental condition, so I stayed to help and mend …. very regretful decision.
    Lesson learnt!
    Thankyou Mr Tudor

  4. Everything said and done is to gain fuel – if he says a compliment like “you are beautiful” or “you are pretty” do they ever really mean it – as well as just saying it for fuel? (Or are those words lies too?)

    1. Loulou

      Good question!

      I don’t think it matters if they are telling the truth or lying.

      I think it’s a form of manipulation.
      At least from my experience.
      Whenever he would say you’re beautiful. I thought to myself ok what does he want now? Does he want to see me naked? Does he want to go fishing? What did he do wrong? How much money did he spend?

      Or if I was angry at him he would say things like “you’re to pretty to say ugly words like that.” Or “whatever you do don’t smile.” Worked every time. I couldn’t stay mad.

      I even asked him if he really meant it or if he was just saying it to manipulate me. And he would say “you are gorgeous what can I say I am a lucky man.” And others times he admitted to the manipulation.

      But I am an enabler. I would allow the manipulation for my own selfish desires.

  5. HG, you are infatuated in our love. You are infatuated in the feeling to be loved. The individuals behind are of no interest. If it is a rat, who shows you some affection, you “fall in love” with a rat.

  6. Lundy Bancroft, who works with abusive mengave a lecture viv a vis when an abuser says “I love you”.
    He talks about the abuser believing this to be true- the trouble is with the feeling the abuser (narcissist?) associates with the word “love”.
    What he associates with “I love you “ is actually that is he is deeply attracted to the things he feels his partner MUST be doing in order to make him to feel good. Which, of course, has nothing to do with real love, its all about the abuser.
    Bancroft never mentions narcissism, though.
    My narcissist fell short when he said “I love you “ his actions were inconsistent with those of someone who genuinely loved me.
    For me it became an obvious, glaring hole in, what I now understand was, his ‘construct’.
    He couldn’t fake real love.
    I told him that the day he dumped me- and it was the deciding factor why I never returned. It made all of his later hoover claims of love just laughable to me.

  7. One of the last things he said to me,and I felt like I had been slapped, but I didn’t say, No, you just want to make sure you are not abandoned again.
    Today a flyer came in the mail, addressed to W saying, W give Perse a gift she’ll cherish forever! The personalized I Love You diamond pendant from BS Mint! Showing the pendant inscribed:
    I loved you then,
    I love you still,
    I always have,
    I always will,

    I felt like I’d been slapped, yet again.

    I want to be a non functioning appliance

    I want to not be an appliance

  8. Pingback: Falling In Love Is So Hard On The Knees - Generals Odd

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