Utter Disgust


You disgust me. How did I ever choose to be with you? How did I not see what you really are? You conned me. There can be no other explanation for what has happened. You drew me in and promised me so much. You offered all that I needed and now you have revealed your true colours. Another chameleon. I would have thought that I would have become more adept at identifying you by now but I suspect that you came with leaden tongue which was draped in sugar as you sought to lure me into your despairing world. I cannot believe that you behaved in such a way and after everything that I have done for you. This is the method of your thanks is it? You are a disgusting person to behave in this way. Building up my hopes, thinking that after so long searching and hunting that I have finally located the one that would always give me what I need. The sole supply of my strength, the bearer of joy, the provider of sustenance and yet you promised all this and when it came to the moment of reckoning you failed to deliver. I should not berate myself for once again I have been fooled by someone who came with obscuring smoke and confusing mirrors. I am but a simple and straightforward person who offers only dedication and a perfect love. You knew this yet you lured me in with your false promises and empty words.

How did you think I would react to such perfidy? With a smile and a “oh it does not matter”? Of course not. You failed me and in the most offensive way possible. You have insulted me, me of all people. You have caused grave offence through your disgusting conduct and that was why you had to be punished. It is not good pleading for clemency. You held a position of trust and you abused that trust in a foul manner. You were given complete and utter access to my inner being and you achieved this through manipulation and fraud. Your punishment accordingly must match this heinous crime. Look at you, snivelling and begging, the crocodile tears spilling down your face as you plead for leniency and another chance. How many chances must I give you? You have failed me so many times and you have taken advantage of my most generous nature. You disgust me. So weak and so pathetic. You thought you could break me but you could not. You thought that you could outwit and outflank me. Not a chance. You thought you could do as you pleased but I have found you out and for that you shall receive your comeuppance. Get up and have some dignity. By heaven, I cannot stand it when you behave like this. Your weakness offends me. I can smell the putrid stench of your pathetic vulnerability now that I have pierced that fraudster’s veil. The offensive odour is all pervasive and I want to vomit such is the disgusting sensation that arises from it. Get out of my sight, you turn my stomach. How did I ever think that you would be the solution? I must have taken leave of my senses but then in a way I did. You made me believe in something that was not real. You duped me. Me, me of all people, someone of my brilliance and intellect, taken in by the sleight of hand of a trickster. I cannot stand this association with something so vile as you. I despite you but I also despise myself for having ever chosen you. You promised me everything and I fell for it. I thought I knew better. I thought I had it all worked out, the path forward and the road to infinite excellence but you were waiting around the bend again weren’t you, you despicable bastard. You ambushed me and just as I thought everything was right, correct and well, you sought to topple me with your clandestine behaviours. Your deceit run through you like a disease and you are riddled with it. Do you see how it causes your features to twist in some sick parody of what you are? The vitriol and the malice age you. It is bound to be the case for nobody can such sick sin for too long. I suppose that is why you try and conceal it isn’t it? Your leering sick grin cannot be looked upon for it will reveal all your other warped features, the grimacing evil that stems from being such a disgusting creature as you are. I cannot stand to look upon you, I cannot bear to hear your screeching and pitiful voice which makes me shudder when I think how often I desired to hear it. Oh what a fool I have been to have been taken in by your promises. You have misled me over and over again. How could you behave in such a manner? Are you not disgusted with yourself? You ought to be. I can feel the bile rising in my throat as I contemplate what you have done to me and now as I see you for what you truly are. Leave! Be gone! I have no desire to have you in my eye any longer. My disgust overwhelms me and I must escape your presence. I said for you to go. Why do you remain staring at me and mocking me with those hooded eyes? Is there not end to your torturous ways? Stop looking at me. Stop it, I demand it. Perhaps if I shut my eyes and yes, you have gone. Ha, I am not finished yet. I have dispelled you but even as I keep my eyes shut tight I know that when I open them again you will have returned because I can never escape you can I?

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10 thoughts on “Utter Disgust

  1. MGB says:

    Are you listening? Pay attention! Look at me when I’m talking to you! Stop moving. Stay still. You’re still fidgeting. Be still. Look at me in my eyes so I know you’re paying attention. “I know who you are babe.”
    Ok?. You don’t even know who you are. In fact, you know why you don’t last in relationships? It’s because no one can put up with you for very long.
    It’s not your ex’s.
    It’s that you’re a f*** g retarded human. And every bullsh*t move you’re gonna try and pull, is already written in there. I know more about you than you know yourself. You think you’re real. And it’s a lie. You’re the fakest person there is. You’re not even original. You’re not even your own person! You’re bad fu***ng defective copy of a human. born with birth defects. A fu***ng retard. And even if I tried explaining it you, you still wouldn’t understand. And it’s f***ked up. I know you can tell something is off with you. And you can’t figure it out. and it doesn’t really matter, because it says here, “you can’t be cured” you don’t know how sad and disappointed i am right now. I was so f***ng happy and optimistic when we got together. I was so f***ng happy. And now I know that the woman I love is incapable of truly loving. Or being sincere. F***k!!

    *It was then that she asked me to please stop talking about her disability.

    It’s tragic. It’s f**ng tragic

  2. DebbieWolf says:

    *do*…”or to do this for us” it should say. Auto correct shambles as per usual.
    (Blame shifting and projection credit where it is actually due.) Haha.

  3. DebbieWolf says:

    “The sole supply of my strength, the bearer of joy, the provider of sustenance”.


    This is something we do for ourselves.
    It is not anyone else’s job to give or to this for us.
    we may gain strength from somebody as a consequence of their love but that’s as far as it goes.

    Being the wind underneath somebody’s wings is a compliment not a required service or obligatory qualification.

    We supply our own strength, our own joy and our own sustenance in life.

    Anything that additionally occurs is a wonderful bonus..not a final demand like a utility bill.

    Anyone looking for strength joy and sustenance to be given to them by somebody else is such an empty person they can do nothing but fail time and time again.

    It’s a simple as that and we all know it’s true.
    Maybe the empath has many new things to learn but the narcissist needs to learn this fundamental principle which is as old as time itself and is a very basic foundation in life.

    The narcissist disgusts himself here and elsewhere.
    Blame shifting, projection, denial.. it couldn’t be more clear at this point.

    Self perpetuating disaster can only be a consequence of repeated attempts to sustain a course of action that repeatedly fails and is not learnt from.. in everybody’s case.

    1. Windstorm2 says:

      Very true

  4. angela says:

    i am feeling the same..i am sick of you..like everybody

  5. Catherine says:

    My ex could have written this. In his dark and upside down world he was the victim. I was some kind of singing siren who lured him into my sick reality and he shouldn’t have trusted me at all. Honestly I hate him for even thinking/pretending to think this way.

  6. I don’t know who is scares me more the narcissist or the angry empath.

  7. Diane says:

    Hg my ex used to say say that he doesn’t but completely trust me and that he doesn’t but trust anyone but his family because he doesn’t know how to. Is that narcissistic? It seems weird to me that he would admit he doesn’t know how to trust. Why not lie about that? Or maybe he was lying. Who knows anymore…

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Possibly. It is being said to triangulate you.

  8. Ugotit says:

    Exactly what he said

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