Eyes Wide Shut

eyes-wide-shut

Will you ever recognise me as I walk towards you, rictus grin fixed across my face, eyes ablaze with love, passion and desire? Will you notice the way I keep you in my sights as my charm flows over you, seeping into your every pore and orifice? Will you take heed of the sugar-coated words as they spill from my mouth, telling you so remarkably all the things that you want to hear? Will you take note of the phrases which have been recycled again and again and possess the novelty of a cliché? Will you look deep into my eyes and see past your reflection or will you remain transfixed by what shines in these dulled, dark eyes? Will you question how is it that I know so much about you, where you live, where you work, your hobbies and your hates? Will you feel the chill down your spine as I appear once again without warning at a location you frequent or will you regard it as the tingling sensation of excitement and the thrill of my alluring personality? Will you question the platitudes that I issue, like confetti sprinkled on the breeze or will you smile and nod and savour the warmth that rises within you as I tell you how wonderful you are and that we belong together? Will you frown at my declaration of love within a day and a night and a day of meeting you or will you accept and swallow those carefully crafted words without a moment’s consideration? Will you wonder how my hands and mouth became so skilled or will you submit to their heady application and give breathless thanks that they are laid upon you? Will you query how this golden light continues to shine and wonder why you were chosen above all the others? Will you see through the veneer of scathing hatred for those who have gone before you or will you become co-conspirator and sneer at her or at him, disgusted by their lack of dignity in the way that they behave? Will you not ask yourself whether their words ring with truth and why they look as if their very essence has been sucked from them, leaving naught but a fractured shell? Will you wonder why the gifts keep on coming? Will you question the forbidden fruits that have been laid before you or will you gorge on them, delirious with desire and elated by the ecstasy of our largesse?

Will you recognise me when I turn my face from you when you try to kiss me? Will you know what is happening when you are left in a tearful heap on the floor for the third time in a week or will you flagellate yourself for your shortcomings? Will you notice as the triangles are weaved around you and your best friend becomes your supposed enemy, but by whose say so? Will you fight back against the control that is exerted on the way you look, what you choose to do and who you interact with or will you accept it and allow your sense of self to evaporate? Will you understand what is happening to you as you crawl alone into that ice-cold bed, this once haven of sexual congress that now lies like an empty tomb ? Will you realise what is going on as you blink back tears as the clock shows 3am and you have no idea where I am?  Will you stand up for yourself when you are labelled whore, slattern, idiot and fool or will you bow your head and retreat, thankful that your injuries are only verbal. This time. Will you remember what you once were ? Will you remain bound by the chains of confusion or will you break them across your knee and free yourself from your cruel bondage?

Will you recognise me as my hand grips your throat and my bile-infused words rain down on you, spittle flecked hatred peppering your face? Will you dial my number for the fiftieth time in two hours as you desperately try to hear my voice and ask me, beg me, plead for me to come home? Will you wince as another dinner set falls prey to my savage fury ? Will you kneel and pick up the pieces, fingers shaking as you fumble for the broken shards that lie scattered across the floor? Will you know what is being systematically done to you each and every day or will you obscure the reality by praying for that golden light to come back and dispel the darkness? Will you recognise me for what I truly am or will you make yet another excuse, wondering what will happen when you run dry of the excuses and hastily constructed explanations for my reign of terror?

Will you recognise me as I cast you aside, shoved into the dirt and sneered at? Will you look up from the smouldering ruins of what we once had and see her (or is it you?) looking back at you with disdain writ large across her made-up features? She seems so familiar, do you know her, there is such a fog now and it clouds so much. Will you understand why you have been forgotten about as your numbed fingers compose another searching e-mail, asking for explanations that will not come, expressing tearful anger that will be smiled at, detailing your abject hurt which will only ever receive a dismissive shrug?

Will you recognise me for what I am when I reach out a hand and lift you from your broken existence? Will you know what truly is going to happen as I lead you once more towards the brilliant, burning golden light? Will you feel the prick of caution in your mind or will you gladly race towards the promised land once again, concern and hesitation thrown to one side? Will you notice the rictus grin once again as you race ahead of me? Will you pay attention to the darkened glint in my baleful gaze or will you charge headlong towards the paradise,  addicted to its warmth and glorious sensations? Will you recognise me as I close the door behind us, bolt it and turn the heavy iron key in the lock as the thick drapes are pulled across the dirt-smeared windows? Will you notice the sharpened dagger that I have produced and hold behind my back?

Will you stop and glance in the shattered mirror that dominates this place and if you do, will you recognise yourself?

Listen to Eyes Wide Shut

14 thoughts on “Eyes Wide Shut

  1. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD. says:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wi2FdODygZo

    She is so relatable…that is all I can say LMAO.

  2. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD. says:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I59uYMg35TU

    When you need to wake their ass up lmao

  3. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD. says:

    Eyes Wide Shut…

    Now I’m so in the mood to watch it…..

    I always really liked this scene.

  4. Mona says:

    HG, there are a lot of women here who adore you for your work and like you for your charm.

    Do you think that many of them are emotionally free enough to avoid the next narc in their real lives? I know that they are informed about the red flags, I know that they say they will never want a narc in their life again. But the behaviour of these women is – in some way – contradictory…
    They still follow their old ways.

    I try to explain:
    .
    They appreciate the dominance of your words.
    They never disagree with you.
    They defend you who needs no help.
    They protect you who needs no protection.

    Do you believe that they will not show the same behaviour in real life when the next interesting narc will show up in their sphere?

    Do you think they will change their model of favored boyfriend?

    This is no backhanded compliment or provocation. It is a real question which goes around in my mind.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Indeed and long may they continue to do so.

      No, they are not. Their emotional thinking is not under control. They understand what i write and the answers I provide but it is akin to creating a library and collecting excellent material to place within it, reading it and understanding it but when it comes to the time to use it, they do not step in the library so the emotional thinking gets hold of them. It is something that has always happened, will continue to happen but there are many ways of addressing this. Some people are more robust and therefore they are able to keep the emotional thinking under control to a greater extent, some are susceptible and therefore need to work hard at building their logic defences but it is achievable and there are a small number who do not even try.

  5. Patricia J says:

    Living with my ex Narc was like living in a haunted house.

  6. Kim michaud says:

    I’m starting to recognize now

  7. VFH says:

    Very good HG. The last paragraph particularly can be seen from different angles depending whereabouts you are in your journey of recovery/discovery.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Absolutely.

  8. Bubbles🍾 says:

    Dear Mr Tudor,
    I have had no comments appear since Little Acons-No 28, Nobody Likes You, last Thursday

    Thankyou kindly

    1. HG Tudor says:

      That is because I have not moderated any comments since then, Bubbles.

      1. Bubbles🍾 says:

        Dear Mr Tudor,
        Thankyou. I thought this time there’s was a problem, as they have only just appeared. It’s feels really weird being all by yourself and also not seeing comments as one doesn’t wish to double up.
        Glad you’re back☺️

  9. Evan711 says:

    One of my favorites… Chilling and absolutely stunning… Your writing, as usual, amazes, delights, and empowers me….

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you.

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