The Narcissistic Truths – No. 204


34 thoughts on “The Narcissistic Truths – No. 204

  1. Mrs Linton says:

    Hello Windstorm, just a thought, in Narc families I wonder if there is always an Empath in there somewhere?

    1. Windstorm2 says:

      Both of my grandmothers were empaths, but I only got to know my mothers mother. When I was very dispirited once as a teenager with how so many in the family ran me down, she explained it to me. She said there was nothing wrong with us. That we were just on one side of the spectrum and they (the narcs) were on the other. She said most people are somewhere in the middle.

      She went on to explain that people like us were necessary to the others to hold the family together, raise the children and take care of everyone. Despite how superior they thought they were, without us their lives would fall apart. They might belittle us and tell us that we are weak, but we are really stronger than they are. We could live without them, but they couldn’t live without us. She thought the reason they gave me such a rough time was really because they saw my strengths and abilities that they didn’t have and it made them feel inferior.

      So yes, I think all narc families have empaths.

  2. Mrs Linton says:

    Hello Windstorm of course there was nothing wrong with the stoicism you showed in caring for your family. I would like to explain. Because my father was so revered whatever he said was right, not just in the family but amongst countless people. His ego was shattered when he didn’t achieve a professorship and he was never the same after that, His denigration of me was crippling growing up, Seeing the flaws in his logic is important to me because it is evidence of the fact that he could be wrong, and he was wrong about me. Saying that I have never wanted to burst the bubble of the people who loved him. I would never try to expose him now, but it doesn’t stop me knowing the truth.
    I am interested in when your awareness started and of the patterns around you. You seem at one level to be very much at peace. I didnt mean to be intrusive. I hope that explains it,

    1. Windstorm2 says:

      Mrs Linton
      Never worry about being intrusive. I believe sharing and commenting is very healing and helps me better understand myself as well as others.

      Still not sure I understand what you mean by “aware”. My first idea that something was wrong with me/my homelife goes back to my earliest memories. Not being held, being frightened and alone. Being pinned into the bed at night in the dark where I could not move. My earliest memories tend to be of being frightened and alone. When I was very small, my mother would be very nice and play with me for times and it would be very fun, then she would disappear and I would be alone for what seemed long periods. She was very strict and got mad often.

      Once I was old enough to argue with her, things went south fast. By the time I was 6, I’d figured out about 3/4ths of what she told me was wrong, so it seemed logical to just ignore her rather than try to figure out the 1 out of 4 statements that were correct. For example, “Don’t touch that! You’ll be electrocuted and die!” When I had already touched/handled whatever it was 10 times and obviously was still alive.

      Peoples emotions have always overwhelmed me – apparently even from birth. Not knowing how to deal with this, and not wanting a child freaking out in public, my parents kept me home and isolated until I had to start school at 5. This meant I was thrust into public and met other children for the first time, totally overwhelmed and clueless. It was a nightmare for all of us. This gave fuel to my mothers fears that I was somehow defective and probably “mentally ill.”

      In fairness to them, I believe my parents wanted me to succeed. They just had no idea what to do. I can remember before I started school them telling me how much I would enjoy finally having so many other children to play with. I think they really believed that and their total lack of empathy kept them from understanding that it would not turn out to suddenly drop me into a room of 30 strange children, when I had literally never played with another child and became overwhelmed in all public situations.

      Probably TMI and not even what you were asking. But I knew from 5 years old that things were not right at home and that my parents were no help.

  3. narc affair says:

    So true just when you think you have figured out narc logic it throws you a new curveball that makes no sense.

  4. Bubbles🍾 says:

    Dear Mr Tudor,

    Ummm, my interpretation …. thick skinned …. but underneath green with envy or

    Both are acidic and both give you reflux, green apples are worse

    What is yours Mr Tudor?


    1. HG Tudor says:

      Expedience prevails.

      1. Bubbles🍾 says:

        You just threw me a lemon … haha

  5. Mrs Linton says:

    When I was 12 my Narc Dad made me hang the washing on the line in winter. It froze solid.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      And of course Mrs L, it will have been your fault.

      1. Mrs Linton says:

        Do you know what? It was!

    2. Windstorm2 says:

      Mrs Linton
      There were years of my married life where I hung out all the laundry – year ‘round. I can remember many times it freezing in the basket before I could get it hung and having to unbend the frozen clothes so I could hang them. They would freeze dry, though.
      And it was certainly a very hard and unpleasant job to do – especially hard on the hands. I’m sure your father only found fault and never even thought of how difficult it was. Narcs are very good at ordering what they want done, but rarely stop to think of how difficult it is on others. It makes me wonder, did he even realize in advance that they would freeze or did that come as a shock to him?

      1. Mrs Linton says:

        Hi Windstorm. I just remember him huffing at me and me thinking he was an idiot. He was an incredibly revered man so it was funny when he screwed up. When I was 15 digital alarm clocks appeared and I remember him asking me which dot meant a.m and which meant p.m up or down so he could set it. I said it didn’t really matter as long as they were both different I’ll never forget how he struggled to control himself , how humiliating to be corrected by a schoolgirl! I am sorry you had to take in frozen washing for so long what did you think at the time that is before you became aware?

        1. Windstorm2 says:

          My narcs (parents and husband) were not like how you describe your father. They didn’t have that pride and embarrassment at getting help. They saw my help in situations like the digital clock as their due and accepted it smugly. My mother could never understand how to set a digital watch, either.

          I was a grown woman with children when I was hanging out laundry in all weathers. That was my choice to save on electricity when money was very tight. I guess I saw it as a challenge and maybe a sort of experiment. I certainly did learn a lot from the experience!

          I don’t understand your question about what did I think before I became aware. Aware of what? Aware that they were all narcs? Before my father in law explained narcissism and abuse, I just thought they were all normal and I was defective. That for some reason God made me different. It never once occurred to me that I could be normal and all my extended family were abnormal. That didn’t seem very likely.

          Once he explained it to me, though, I began to notice people at work who seemed more like me. But I’ve still always remained different. I am much more affected by other people’s emotions than normal people and I look at the world differently. I feel the energy of places and situations to which others seem oblivious. Truths that seem obvious to me are overlooked or scoffed at by most people I know. But who knows, maybe everyone feels that they are different from the people around them, too. Maybe that’s just part of being human.

  6. Witch says:

    Erm… did you just criticise yourself Henry?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Not sure who Henry is, but if you mean me, no I did not criticise myself.

      1. Caroline says:

        Heh, too funny.

  7. Medusa says:

    Not everything is what it seems to be

  8. Noname says:

    That meme made me smile genuinely and without feeling sadness. For first time. At this sad place.

    1. BurntKrispyKeen says:

      Oh, Noname… prayers for you.
      I understand that despair.
      It will get better and you will smile again.

      1. Noname says:

        Oh my… Thank you very much for your kind words, BurnKrispyKeen. No need to pray for me! Everything is alright.

        I meant, that this blog is very sad place in general. The Narc’s life isn’t easy. The Empaths life isn’t easy. We all have our past stories and they all are sad. Even when I read something funny here, I always smile and laugh, having an internal sadness feeling. It is a general sadness. For all of us.

      2. BurntKrispyKeen says:

        I understand what you are saying, Noname.

        When I first started to share pieces of my story, I felt so much lighter inside. But being here also makes my heart feel heavy. It’s tough to be reminded of so much despair, yet those reminders are exactly what help to keep me on track.

        It’s no different than any other dealings with a narcissist… portions we love, certain aspects we hate…. makes my heart feel like a tennis ball at Wimbledon.

  9. J says:

    Perfect analogy. Also… both are roughly spherical… like Narc logic. 😀

  10. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD. says:

    Peeling those layers ey?

    1. Caroline says:

      Oh my gawd, look above you, Doc. Just look! Do you see a little winkie face emoji on my post? I finally have emojis! Yes, ’tis true. This is the first time one has worked for me on here. Woohooooo!

      (What? Too pathetic?)

  11. Caroline says:

    Orange you happy being an apple?

    1. BurntKrispyKeen says:

      Ha! That was pretty clever, Caroline.

      I do enjoy that image…. pretty much says all we need to know. Yet, I find myself with this insatiable hunger to learn more!

      I’m thankful I came across this site; to get an accurate glance at what lies beneath the peeling… that’s the real treat.

      Whatever prompted you to share your personal thoughts, HG… to reveal a piece of your soul…. thank you. I do not fully understand this way of being, but I am already feeling wiser to the ways of those who manipulate and destroy.

      When I can fully grasp the why… the reasons… the making of such individuals, I’ll be satisfied enough to bring the teacher a non-GMO apple.
      Until then, thank you for your tolerance, as I’m sure you’ve answered multiple versions of the same questions more times than what an empath would have the patience for!

      I’ve only read a limited amount of your articles thus far, but I appreciate you for sharing your wisdom regarding something so personal as this serious disorder (disorder – as I see it…. way of life – from your view). I’m still amazed at your openness.

      I’m ashamed to admit that I have let my involvement with someone greatly affected my well-being. Having a place to express some of my experiences has made me feel lighter… so much that I wish I had found this community of survivors sooner. Reading their thoughts and insights have been beneficial as well. You have a pretty savvy group of followers, HG!

      They remind me that knowledge is power. I have ordered some of your books from Amazon, one of which Persephoneascending1 recommend. But it was your interactions with your commentators which fully inspired me to make the purchase. I felt an assurance that you’d be available to respond if a question should arise… so I think that makes you the first sociopath that I’ve ever been thankful for?!

      I’m teasing… sorta. After reading your words, I feel that your way of maneuvering through life is more of a coping mechanism, a protection of what’s fragile within. As polar opposite as I hope we are, I can’t help but connect to you through your words….. I can’t help but to feel your pain.

      My heart goes out to you.

      See! I’m a hopeless magnet for this type of abuse. But with your help, not for much longer.

      1. BurntKrispyKeen says:

        Affect* not affected.
        Recommended* not recommend.
        Not that it really matters, but I hear there are certain personality disorders which make it unsettling to abide petty mistakes. That correction is for them. : )

      2. Caroline says:

        Thanks, BKK – but *somebody* had to say it, lol. I’m so glad you found the site and that you find it so helpful/supportive. I feel the same way. I’m still learning.

        And hey, you really don’t need to worry about typos or spelling. We all make flubs. HG doesn’t correct anyone on here that I’ve seen, and I doubt that it bugs him in this arena (and you don’t want coddle a narcissist anyway, right?)…waiting on a lightning bolt to strike me now, for speaking *for* a narcissist and the coddle comment… waiting… waiting…nope, nothing — guess I’m ok! 😉

      3. BurntKrispyKeen says:

        Ha! I see clear skies here, so I’m hoping all remains well Caroline.

        And good point on the coddling. When I was a young girl, my softball coach called me Mother Hen for ways I looked after my teammates. I really do need to learn to get over that!

        If you’re from The Land of the Free, have a blessed Thanksgiving.

  12. dickforlong says:

    Your use of images is so powerful…

    Thank goodness you retain control of the images accompanying our letters. The photo for mine was perfect and your visual acumen has enticed me to read many articles I would have otherwise passed over.

    I appreciate the respect you have for this subject matter and by extension my struggles.

    1. Tappan Zee says:

      Which letter was yours D4Long?

      1. dickforlong says:

        The letter by BV #39…. Had all the witty sarcastic come backs. Cell phone replaced his head.

        This is the best breakup you’ve ever had. Dont fuck it up.

  13. Windstorm2 says:

    Cute meme!

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