Why We Target You


When we set our sights on acquiring our appliances to fuel us, it stands to reason that we dedicate the greatest amount of time to the person who is going to be our primary source of fuel. Of course the amount of time dedicated to this depends on the relevant narcissist but all of our kind are looking for certain traits which are prevalent to empathic individuals. There are certain core traits which exist in empathic individuals. Normal people will have some of these traits, probably not all and they will not have the traits to the extent and degree of an empathic person. Thus, this is why normal people are rarely made our primary sources. There are also traits which are known as class traits. These are the traits which appeal to the relevant cadre of narcissist, be that person a Victim, Somatic, Cerebral or Elite Narcissist. The core traits are hugely important to us. Their existence provides us with the three key elements that we take from our victims. Firstly, these traits means that the fuel provision will be high because of their connection to the emotional output from the victim. Secondly, there are certain residual benefits that come from these traits which we want. Thirdly, by attaching ourselves to somebody who has these traits we can pretend we have them too. We do not have these traits. Therefore we want to take them from you to apply to our construct and pass them off as belonging to us. Since we are experts and copying, we do not have these traits for ourselves and we do not feel them, but we are able to replicate what they look like by studying how you behave, because you have these traits. We then apply this to our own behaviour in order to maintain the façade. This fools other people into thinking that we are honest, decent and loving. It also enables us to mirror your traits and reflect them back at you so that you think we have them also. This makes us all the more appealing to you and ensures that you are bound closer to us. Accordingly, identifying these core traits in our victims is extremely important. The more of these traits that you have, the better. The more of these traits that you have, the greater the likelihood of being ensnared by our kind. A combination of the core traits and the class traits appearing in the way you behave and act draws our kind to you. We sense and see these traits and lock our sights on you as a prospective primary source.

There are ten of these core traits. The ideal is to find a victim who has all ten core traits and exhibits them to a considerable degree. We would then also want them to exhibit the relevant class traits which match with the type of narcissist that we are.

The Lesser Narcissist is unaware of these traits but like a hungry wolf sniffing out food he can sense the existence of these traits and know that the person exhibiting them is somebody he wants with him.

The Mid-Range Narcissists recognises these traits as admirable traits for a person to have. He sees them as plus points in the same way as someone might regard someone who is interested in art, travel and classical music, as a good match to start dating. The Mid-Range knows that he values these traits but he does not know the fundamental reason why he is drawn to them.

The Greater Narcissist knows what these traits are and why they are important. He knows the function that they play, he knows better than anybody else how to detect them and the places where (“the hunting grounds”) people can be found who will have these core traits and also the class traits. The Greater can sniff out the existence of these traits and match the target to them before moving in to ensnare that person.

So, what are these traits? Well, here are five of the ten by way of example. It is highly likely that you will have all five of these traits and you will have them in significant amounts because that is why you were ensnared by a narcissist to begin with.

Love Devotee       – we require our targets to be committed to the concept of love. You want to find love, experience love, love and be loved. The idea of love is central to your existence and you truly believe that our purpose on this earth is to love others. Not only does this mean loving those around but above all else you believe in the fulfilment that arises from having that one special person who you are committed to, who you will do anything for and who you will make sacrifices for. The existence of love is a reason, to you to exist and therefore you must find it and once located, obtain it and maintain it. We want love devotees because your dedication to love often blinds you to so much else and accordingly by pretending to give you love we can hook into this trait of yours and it allows us to ensnare you all the more readily.

Compassionate – our target must exhibit compassion. This compassion must be mainly for us although we are content for it to be exhibited for other people and objects such as animals, in order to detect it. If we identify that someone cares more about animals and things and not people however we do not consider that this fulfils our requirement. At an early juncture, if we see evidence of compassion for animals it generally (but not always) follows that this person will be compassionate towards humans as well.

Decent – We look for decent people. People who are well-mannered, polite and understanding. People who have consideration for others, wait their turn in speaking, allowing others to take a slice of cake before anyone else, giving to charity and conducting him or herself in a dignified manner. Decency is an attractive trait because it tells us that you will adhere to certain standards and that you also expect us to do the same. This matters because we know that this is often indicative of the fact that you are therefore unlikely to give up on us when the going gets rough.

Moral Compass –  we prefer a person with a strong moral compass, somebody who would hand a wallet to the police with the contents intact if they found such an item in the street or they would alert the shop assistant if they were handed too much change. This person is monogamous and faithful and believes others should conduct themselves by a similar moral code. Again, this tells us that you are far more likely to hang in there once devaluation starts and our behaviour will offend your moral compass so there will be the accompanying emotional reaction and thus copious fuel.

Caring – an individual who will always look after somebody else. Whether it is through working to provide for us, running the home in an excellent manner, looking after us when we are ill and being concerned about our well-being, the caring trait is very important and must be evident in our primary source especially. Not only will this tell us that you will want to look after us but it also signals to us that when we begin the devaluation of you, you will want to fix us and heal us and therefore you will keep plugging away, trying to do the right thing. It also tells us that we can expect considerable residual benefits from you in terms of you looking after us, which accords with our view of how you should be, subservient and obedient.

16 thoughts on “Why We Target You

  1. thepianist20 says:

    I have all 5 of these traits!

    No wonder I was ensnared by a narcissist 🙁

    Thank you so much for sharing this HG!

  2. jenna says:

    All and not ashamed.

  3. I wonder if we are ensnared more often by narcs because they have a higher level of cockiness/ confidence and are more likely to approach us or ask us out before a “normal” man would – in addition to the fact that they are attracted to our traits.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Alongwith the fact you are inherently susceptible to us.

      1. Yes, and that… damn it!

  4. Bronna315 says:

    Has anyone ever had all these traits. But once the devaluation starts they jump ship? If so does it suprise you when it happens? Im at the point where i can spot the narcs easily. I play along because i like the golden period. I know it wont last but i enjoy it until its over. I never get sexual but i do provide fuel and make them feel they are getting closer to me, i like playing naive and watching them chase me. I think once they sense im not giving enough they make me a secondary, or get frustrated and try to devalue

    1. HG Tudor says:


    2. Tappan Zee says:

      BRONNA—dangerous playground

  5. Nina says:

    How can we hide what is our nature? Not exactly a love devotee but have always been honest and faithful in relationships. Yet all the somatic narcs seem to pick up on this as well as other traits. Thank you HG, for making it all so easy to understand. I had no idea people used this much manipulation in relationships. You have certainly made me more aware. Very grateful to you.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      You are welcome.

      You cannot hide what you are and moreover why should you?

      Know your foe, evade that foe when it comes near, control your emotional thinking and engage with the right people.

  6. Windstorm2 says:

    Not really a love devotee, but I certainly wanted someone to love me forever. And I’m definitely the other 4. Look forward to hearing what the other 5 traits are as they’ve slipped my mind.

    1. Patricia J says:

      I am like you WS2…one man Woman. My GN scooped up that fact. Also my barge of fuel.
      I am 5 plus months NC. When reading this article and some of the others..It seems that we need to what, be ashamed? To have these traits? I do not think so.

      1. Windstorm2 says:

        No Patricia, absolutely not! The whole reason narcs target us is because these traits are so good and valuable. All my life growing up I was ridiculed for being who I am. I was in my 30’s before it hit me that this was all jealousy and envy because I was naturally what they pretended to be, but never really could be.

        You and I can experience happiness and joy from our lives that is forever denied our narcs and they know this. They abuse us to try to fill the hole inside themselves, but there is no hole inside of us. I am proud of what I am and of what I am not, and you should be too!

  7. BurntKrispyKeen says:

    No wonder I keep finding myself in the same place!

    I kept thinking that God was placing these people in my life because He wanted me to help them… or He thought that I had the patience to handle them.

    Nope… these hungry piranhas were searching for ME! I kept telling God that I didn’t think I was as strong as He thought, so I begged for a break.

    I just didn’t realize those “breaks” would hurt so much.

    But I am gaining strength, and I know that He will see me through.

    And I thank you again, HG, for your willingness to share these secrets and for your gift in delivering the message in such a direct yet eloquent way.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      You are welcome.

  8. BurntKrispyKeen says:


    Well, I’ll be fucked.

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