Outrage

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Fury is the instrument of the narcissist. It is a tool that we deploy in furtherance of our aims. The narcissist’s toolbox is a thing to behold. It contains many devices, objects and instruments that we deploy in order to secure our objectives. Other people may use these devices in a similar if diminished form but they will not be anywhere near as dangerous and effective as the ones that lurk in my toolkit. Some of these instruments are used to subjugate, others are deployed to control and yet again there are others that will be used for the purposes of manipulation. The placing of fury in this toolbox recognises its use to the narcissist as one of his prime instruments.

All of our kind bring the fury but what is it? It will be instructive to start by considering what it is not. Fury is not anger. Anger is below fury on the scale of violent responses. Anger is a strong feeling of annoyance, displeasure or hostility. It is greater than vexation, it is something more than feeling cross and it is beyond exasperation. Notwithstanding this, it is less than fury. It does not contain the unbridled vitriol that is synonymous with fury. Nor does it contain the violent hostility that one finds with fury. What is most important to know about anger is that it is a normal emotion and thus by comparison, fury is an abnormal emotion, hence why fury sits in our toolkit. Anger is an intense emotional response that is normal in nature and arises as a consequence of real or perceived provocation. Anger in itself is neither good nor bad. It can be used for either purpose and it is down to the manner in which that particular person handles it. An individual may direct it into violence towards another person in order to protect him or herself from a threat. Alternatively, it may manifest in the destruction of property. You as a normal and empathic individual become angry. Indeed, as part of our mission to obtain fuel we strive to provoke anger in you, either through angry gestures or through angry words on your part. This provides us with fuel when you react in this emotional fashion. It is an acceptable and understandable response for an individual to become angry.

It is a normal response to a threat or harm. It also releases pressure that builds up inside a normal person. The expression of anger enables people to dissipate this pressure and thereafter feel spent but better for having been angry, as opposed to suppressing the sensation and allowing the pressure to build even further. Some normal people can only take a small amount of pressure before they blow a fuse whereas other people may be regarded as slow-burners who take a long time before they express anger. In either instance the response is an entirely normal one. People become angry for a host of different reasons.

You may agree that anger certainly serves a purpose and concur that helpful and beneficial consequences can arise from this normal emotion. I should imagine that you will also venture to suggest that there is a downside to anger, that results in destructive behaviour and violence. That is not anger. That is fury. That is when something beyond anger is experienced and this fury is more prevalent amongst my kind.

Interestingly, anger also results in a suspension of empathy by those who behave normally. The individual, through anger, becomes focussed on his or her own needs and requirements. This is not applicable to me. There is no empathy to suspend. That is why we do not deploy anger. We have no need of a device to suspend our empathy because we do not have any. This is a further reason why anger serves no actual purpose to us and why we must deploy fury instead. Anger is a normal reaction. We operate outside of the usual normative values. This normal anger serves certain purposes. None of those purposes are of any use to my kind and me. Anger can be regarded as a force for good. That is not something that we are interested in.

Fury is beyond anger. It is wrath, frenzy and savagery. Someone who is furious has gone the extra emotional mile. One might even consider it to be madness. The wild nature of fury causes it to surpass anger and fury is not to be found in the responses of the normal person. I will emphasise that point. You will not find fury as a response of a normal person. Anger? Yes. Fury? No. The deployment of fury is the hallmark of the abnormal. If fury were a normal reaction there would be chaos as explosions erupted everywhere. Most relationships would disintegrate, more people would be injured, and property broken and destroyed and the repercussions for society as a whole would be severe. The cost in terms of money, emotion and well-being would be enormous. Consider the number of times you have been angry. It has happened has it not? You will also be able to recall when your parents or at least one of them became angry, a friend, a stranger, a colleague or a partner. You have seen anger in everyone and that is because it is normal. They may have used that anger for some purpose, kept it in check or let it flow over them and dissipate with no consequence. For those of you have had an encounter with fury, you will also know it. It will have happened amongst fewer people than the categories that I have just mentioned. This is because the development of people has been such that fury cannot become the norm. If it does then society would begin to break down. You may have seen many instances of fury from one particular individual. That is because that person is not normal. They are the exception.

21 thoughts on “Outrage

  1. Morgan says:

    HG,
    Ever since I discovered your blog and books about 6 months ago I have been honing my narc radar. Yesterday my roommate and her boyfriend (who I think might be a MR.)

    Does this conversation seem indicative that he is a MR?

    We were in the car going through the McDonalds drive through and he was driving and she was in the front seat.

    Her: “Why did you give the lady a $20 bill? The food was only $12.35.
    Him: “Because I didn’t have the change….”
    Her: ” I have change. You should have told me you need change. If you would have told me you needed change I would have given you change.”
    Him: “Yeah well if you had been born a man we wouldn’t be dating..”

    6 months ago I would have just thought what in world why is your boyfriend randomly out of the blue being rude but now that I have been enlightened I think she might have wounded him and ignited his fury by suggesting he is a fault somehow so he reacted by using his fury as a weapon to draw fuel and heal the wound. Is that right?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      I do not see anything from this conversation that indicates he is a narcissist. I find her question and following comment about using a $20 bill to pay for food costing $ 12.35 to be hectoring and worthy of inviting a mild put down.

      1. Brian says:

        To be honest the hectoring over which bill to use sounds like a micro-managing narcissist.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Could well be Brian, not determinative in itself but a potential indicator.

      2. Brian says:

        Yes, true 🙂

      3. Somewhere over the rainbow says:

        HG, there is some possibility (after reading many informations on your blog and due to our emotional thinking) to believe some common narcissistic traits make someone a Narc (exaggerating)?

        We all have “goodness” limits and self preserving traits (after all)…

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Hello Somewhere,

          I am not quite sure what you are stating. Do you mean, is it the case that someone may have some narcissistic traits but be mistaken for being a narcissist?

      4. Somewhere over the rainbow says:

        Yes HG! You understood my question. Sorry for my english, I try my best, but I’m still in the “learning” process (about narcissists and english – here, on your blog).

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Yes, that may happen.

      5. Somewhere over the rainbow says:

        Thank you, HG!

      6. Insatiable Learner says:

        She sounds more like a narcissist (mid ranger,”you should…”) than he does. She sounds controlling and overly critical.

  2. dickforlong says:

    This article reminded me of my mother and her 8 siblings. They were my first introduction to fury. Everyone remarked on the wonderful spouses they all had (empaths) and their grandiosity (most remarkable in a “friendly debate”). That friendly debate quickly turned into a match if wills and they would say ANYTHING… Do ANYTHING to win. I was 12 years old when the desperation of these exchanges became apparent to me because they were willing to cut me off at the knees at 12.

    I also remember the fury my mother had over illness. Any illness was seen as weakness and due to the genetic dilution from my father. My grandmother proudly talked about her superior genes which produced her elite children. Grandchildren were closely observed and judged wanting due to their inferior genetic inheritance (my father’s gene pool). I joked that the ONLY way to be taken to the doctor was to crawl through a pool of my own blood and beg for an ambulance. The ambulance MIGHT be called after letting me know about the inconvenience of having to clean up my arterial spray….

  3. Jude the Obscure says:

    I know from my own experience that some empaths can exhibit this fury that you describe. The difference is that immediately afterward, we feel tremendous guilt and, unlike a narcissist, we will apologize and go to great lengths to repair the damage done.

    1. K says:

      Jude the Obscure
      I grew up with lessers so there is zero guilt, zero apologies and zero repairs. I have none of that.

      1. Jude the Obscure says:

        Hi, K
        I meant that when some empaths engage in behavior that is like the Fury HG describes, they feel guilty afterward. There’s no doubt that I’m an empath, but as HG has written about, some empaths have narcissistic traits. I’ve had moments of uncontrolled, savage rage on instances where I have been pushed too far but I always feel remorse afterward and apologize and try to fix things. I’ve known quite a few narcissists, and none had ever apologize sincerely or taken responsibility for any damaged they caused.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Accurate observation.

      2. Jude the Obscure says:

        I wonder, HG, how would a narcissist react to a victim who exploded in fury/rage after being pushed too far by the narcissist’s machinations? I don’t mean just an emotional outburst, which would be fuel. I mean physical violence, property destruction, scathing verbal abuse, etc.. Obviously, the victim, their empathy temporarily suppressed by a latent streak of narcissism, would be wracked with guilt in the immediate aftermath of such an uncotrolled outburst and would apologize, but what of the narcissist, who now has a broken arm, permanent facial scarring, or the word “bastard” carved into the side of their new BMW? I suppose it would differ depending on the school of narcissism. I’m sure a Greater would endeavour to punish the victim unmercilessly whilst using the victim’s temporary insanity as fodder for a smear campaign. The Lesser, I imagine, might unleash their own heated fury and give back in kind.

        What of the passive aggressive Midranger or Victim Narcissist, though? Disengagement? Sulking? Smear campaign? All of the above? Would they hoover? Would they seek revenge?

        Has this ever happened to you?

        Thanks again for all that you do.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          It will be used against you and as you identify it will vary dependent on the school. Some ways would be :-

          1. Evidence of you being the abuser.
          2. Involvement of police to prosecute you.
          3. Basis for pity plays – ‘look what she has done’.
          4. Assert control – ‘see what you have done’ and use the ensuing guilt to gain control again
          5. Justification for punishment – ‘you brought this on yourself’.

  4. Tappan Zee says:

    creepy faaaaar apart eyes 👀

  5. Windstorm2 says:

    Ha, ha! This reminds me of the many times when my two narc parents would fight. Doors would be broken, salt and pepper shakers fly far out into the yards, possesions smashed and such horrible yelling! Never tears, but loud intimidating threats and accusations from both sides. I always just thought that was regular anger!

  6. Perfect illustration. I’ve seen it before.
    Fury is an effective tool for the narc. They will even start out faking a rage if it gets them what they want, fuel, withdrawal,deflection, etc.
    Another example of narc extremes.

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