6 Speciality Hoovers (And How To Unplug Them)
The hoover. An instrument of cleaning and the instrument by which we endeavour to suck you back into our false reality so we can exert our hold over you once again. Hoovers come at various stages of your dance with us and also come in a variety of forms and guises so that you may not even realise that a hoover is taking place. Hoovers come in two categories which are linked to when they take place and the method adopted to hoover. Some methods can apply to different times in the interaction with our kind, others apply to just one time, often post discard or post escape. There are scores of different methods used in hoovers but here are six which may or may not be familiar to you along with how you can endeavour to pull the plug on them and avoid being sucked in. It is worth pointing out of course that if your narcissist cannot find you and contact you, the hoover can never get started, but that state of affairs is not always possible.
The Proxy Hoover
This does not come from the narcissist but from one of his supporters in his coterie or his Lieutenants. It usually comes from a Lieutenant who can be relied on to execute the hoover in precisely the way that we have directed. The Proxy Hoover will often include a different type of hoover e.g. The Medical Emergency Hoover where the narcissist will use a genuine or more likely feign a medical emergency to force interaction between you and the narcissist and engender sympathy. With the proxy, the call alerting you to the emergency concerning the narcissist will come from the Lieutenant. Like any proxy hoover, there are several reasons for adopting this approach: –
You may not realise the person is a lieutenant and therefore you are more likely to respond to what they say than if it came from our kind, especially if you have instigated no contact;
The conflict between you and us is ameliorated as a consequence of the involvement of this third party, meaning you are more likely to believe what you are being told;
The proxy may stand more chance of persuading you to act;
You may regard what we say and do with suspicion but not this third party
You may not want to look bad in the eyes of the third party by failing to respond.
The key to dealing with this hoover is actually recognise what it is. It is not a third party asking for your help, it is a third party coercing you into contact with us again. You should be especially aware of any of your friends or family asking you to see us or do something for us, or if they comment about how good you and I were together, that we really do miss you and so on. We will infiltrate your supporters to gain added credibility and slip under your radar in this manner. Be aware that any third party who asks you to engage with us is a proxy who is executing the hoover on our behalf. No matter how purportedly significant the event is, the emotional pull involved or the persuasion applied reject it and do so in a firm and business-like manner. Do not show indecision, do not appear upset or concerned or even annoyed or irritated by the approach – even if you do not engage this reaction will be reported to us and will achieve two things for us. One, fuel. Secondly, we know we still have an effect on you and we will keep hoovering. If you are concerned the nature of the proxy hoover may be genuine suggest the Lieutenant finds someone else to help.
The Reverse Hoover
This is quite a cunning method of hoovering. We let it be known through various channels that we do not want anything to do with you, that you should never darken our doorstep again and that we are through with you. This message will be broadcast over all channels – through friends, family, social media and so on. It is not said by us directly to you, that would defeat the purpose. We ensure this message reaches you and the aim is to have you disbelieve that we would say such a thing about you and to appeal to your desire to prove us wrong. Just in the way that a parent causes problems by denying a teenager any opportunity to hang out after 9pm, so they go and do it anyway, by telling you there is something that you cannot do, you then want to do it. Of course we have to gauge the right recipient of this hoover as some people will be content to hear us say those words. It is usually done with those we have discarded without telling that person they have been discarded and they cannot quite believe that it is at an end. This proclamation will cause them concern but they are still not ready to accept that it is the case that the relationship has ended (and they are right because it never ends) and therefore they come looking for an explanation and confirmation that what they have heard is not true. By not telling you direct we can tell you that the rumours you have heard are false and welcome you back with open arms as you are successfully hoovered. Again, recognise this for what it is and avoid acting on what you have been told. It is a ruse to play on your trait of needing to know. If you hear such things being said tell yourself that the comments are true, it is over and we do not want anything to do with you and stay away.
The Letterbox Hoover
This hoover utilises the strong link we know that exists for some time post discard or post escape between seeing a trigger and the golden memories (and/or dark memories) that flow from the trigger. For example, we always slow danced to a particular piece of music with you which made you feel loved and wonderful. If you hear that piece of music the memory is awakened and we flood your memory and your senses. This is ever presence. To avoid this happening you need to take all steps not to play this piece of music again, indulge yourself with new pieces of music and if you hear it inadvertently to switch it off or move away from its source. With this hoover we want to scale your defences and use ever presence to get back in to your head, cause you to think of us and react (and although we do not see it we will get fuel because we know how you will respond) and make you vulnerable to wanting to contact us or a further hoover approach from us. One method of doing this is to send you a birthday or Christmas card with a beautiful, thoughtful handwritten message, often alluding to what we did together on a wonderful birthday or Christmas together during our golden period. This arrives with other cards and therefore is less noticeable. We will most likely print the address or have someone else write it for us so our handwriting does not alert you on the envelope. Once you open it, you read the message and see it is from us and bam! We are in your head and heart once again. It is a pleasant gesture, no malice and you will remember all the good things, think about us, want to contact us and thank us and wonder if this represents a fresh beginning of good relations or the chance to get back together and do things right this time. It is a hoover pure and simple.
To tackle this covert hoovering method, have someone vet all cards and parcels which are sent to you around Christmas, birthday and other appropriate festivals and events. Once checked this person can weed out anything from us and then reseal the envelopes for you so you still have the pleasant act of opening the envelopes and cards for yourself, that have been sent from anybody but us.
The Psychic Connection
This is effective if we know that you are a spiritual person who believes in psychic events, astrology, ghosts, telepathy and the emotional connections between people that are stronger than normal. These beliefs and similar are often applicable to empathic people who of course form our victims of choice. We will use a supposed psychic connection or event to appeal to this nature of yours in order to signify that something special has happened which means we need to be together. We have to have the means of contacting you, often by sending you a message or leaving a voicemail. It is done in a dramatic fashion as we have suddenly uncovered a mystical or portentous occurrence which is of deep-seated significance which tells us that we are meant to be together, we should see each other straight away to discuss its implications or that it has caused us to see the light with it being conveyed in such a manner. Examples will include
Claiming to have dreamt about you in a strange and significant way;
We have seen a clairvoyant who spoke about you and I;
We saw your image when you were not there as if you needed to tell us something;
A picture of you fell off the wall or fell over on our desk without explanation and we knew this meant you wanted to get in touch;
We have had a vision of something terrible happening to you and we have to warn you to save you;
Your face appeared in the froth on our morning latte;
Your name was spelt in jam on the kitchen floor when we dropped our toast.
From the possible to the ridiculous we will exploit your belief in such things in order to establish contact again. Recognise any messages that allude to the above or similar things as what they are; a hoover and do not respond to them in any fashion no matter how curious or compelling it may feel.
The Silent Hoover
This comes in the form of a telephone call but there is no message left or nobody speaks when you answer. It is a blank text message or empty e-mail. It is an invitation to use a particular app on your phone. The purpose of this is to get you to respond to find out why it was sent or done. Once you do so we will either escalate the nature of the hoover by turning on the charm or trying to draw sympathy etc. through the application of a further hoover. We may not respond when you telephone but we know that we have been able to make you respond and we will do a few further Silent Hoovers to increase your curiosity and confirm that you are vulnerable now to our overture by way of a further hoover. If you fail to respond or do so and dismiss us we save face by saying it was sent by mistake a “butt call” or we hit the wrong key etc. If you respond favourably then we have a green light to apply further pressure to seduce you again. Once again recognise this for what it is and no matter how curious as to why it has been sent do not respond. It is a hoover which will rope you in and have you subjected to further additional hoovers of a different nature.
The Prove Yourself Hoover
Similar to The Reverse Hoover, this hoover relies on your need to say your piece, stand up for yourself and have the last word. It relies on ensuring that a smear campaign has been effected against you and something particularly ridiculous or savage has been said about you. We will ensure that word reaches you through messages from third parties, third parties telling you to your face or postings on social media so you are gripped by the need to respond, set the record straight and tell us what has really happened in order to get us to accept this and issue an apology and correction. We know the type of victim that this really strikes home with, those who always need the truth to be told, who need to be held in correct regard by other people and those who must set us straight. We know you will be sat bristling, incredulous at what is being said about you and you cannot help yourself but want to get the true version out there and ram our words back down our throat. This hoover relies on this and the fuel that flows as you come charging at us ready to make us eat our words. This is precisely that we want to happen.
Again, recognise it is happening and do not respond. If you need to ensure people know the truth, then tell them in an even-handed and level manner and refer to evidence wherever possible rather than oral testimony and hearsay. Do not try and approach us, do not try and persuade us. We are not interested in that. We are interested in your fuel and getting to interact with you again.
To learn more about the narcissistic hoover read Black Hole – Available on Amazon
21 thoughts on “6 Speciality Hoovers (And How To Unplug Them)”
How should one respond if the hoover is done by proxy, by someone relatively influential and generally very well considered by many, many people – I fear the consequences if I ignore it. First there was a re-connection request since 1 years of silence in this media, the connection request was repeatedly done since I did not respond at first and I ended up feeling I had to accept (!) also because of his influence in society, then a week later there was liking of 3 pictures in one go, consequently there has been viewing of stories at strategic points in time, and now a comment to one of those stories and that I do not dare to open for fear of sitting in a new situation where a reaction is prompted from me. Everything is done very meticulously, few people really understand what this is all about, they think one is semi-strange if one tells about it. However I know there is a connection between this person and the N, due to what happened during the devaluation and up to discard phase and that took place during a year, but also multiple happenings before the devaluation. Now a year has passed and now this re-connection request, multiple likes, and now a message to a story? I fear that what is happening is a very mean and well planned further escalation of discard as the N has already triangulated me on multiple occasions with this IPPS since a year, and it looks very difficult how our relation and me being his IPSS/DLS should be restarted after all that triangulation. I really fear what will happen next because I know that ‘good’ ALWAYS is followed by something ‘bad’ and punishment of me, it is INVARIABLE and I fear what they would come up with this time, because it just seems to becoming meaner and meaner. Ie kind of very malign. Given this person who is supposedly hoovering me by proxy’s status and influence in society and extensive network, it is difficult to just ignore this message now. I really do not know what to do.
I recommend you consult on this issue.
I’d gotten direct hoover by email for minor medical emergency. I fixed the problem from where I was at. Next lots of proxy hoovers by email and voicemails I would get when making the weekly supply run. Finally it was a proxy hoover with a real medical emergency. It got me to come back, but when I saw he would be ok, I went back off grid. More proxy hoovers, but none from him. When i came back to see family, he was hoover stalking me. cornered me, and said we had too straighten things out for the divorce. It gave him access enough to do the FUH. 5 more years of crazy.
What if I do not react and do not show any regret for my behaviour which forced him to keep punishing me? What if he realizes that I don’t love him anymore and that I don’t buy his BS? Would he get bored seeing I’m useless giving him no fuel? Does the fact he isn’t as superior as he thaught hurt him/his ego in some way?
No reaction (if you can achieve this) means no fuel.
If you no longer love him, then you are not providing positive fuel and this may weaken his hold over you – it depends on where you fit into the fuel matrix and where the dynamic is at.
If you do not provide any fuel at all then you are heading for disengagement unless he is minded to try to force fuel out of you.
With regard to the superiority, you may think this about him, but he may not and therefore it has no impact on him.
Haha, looks like he is trying something new to get my reaction, cause he unblocked me on TT and now we can tweet to each other, like our posts (I noticed because suddenly I started to see his replies to mutual friend;s tweets) but I can’t send him direct messages unless he writes to me first. LOL. Middle aged man acting like a teenager. Won’t react.
1. Ex narc ignores me. I talk to my friend online and we have different opinions and my narc starts liking my friend’s replies. Is it a silent malign hoover?
2. Ex narc told me it’s over and blocked me on social media but he has public music profile. After 2 weeks of no contact he starts to listen to some love songs I have sent him in the beginning of our relationship. He didn’t know these songs eariler so it’s clear it’s on purpose. Is it a hoover? Why he won’t unblock me?
1. It is not malign. It is a hoover through triangulation.
2. Yes that is a hoover. He does not want to unblock you because he wants to punish you.
HG- I have been no contact for 8 months but for about a month or two I have been getting emails from some life insaurance website quoting his ex before me life insaurance prices like an automatic email or something. Is this some kind of weird hoover for him to sign me up for emails like that? Should I email the company and tell them to take me off the list or just keep deleting the emails? Why would he do that? so random..
It is a subtle threat that you should get some life insurance because something bad is going to happen to you. I would not see it as a credible threat to your life but merely a malign hoover designed to gain some Thought Fuel and possibly cause you to contact him on the basis you work it out.
I would recommend contacting the company and asking them to remove you.
HG- The email said his ex’s name (Liz) not mine. It wasn’t life insaurance for me it was for her.
Noted. In which case he is triangulating with her as opposed to making a veiled threat to you.
If he likes pictures on social media, what type of Hoover would that be? Would it be a Silent hoover?
Depends whose pictures he is liking.
LOL. Sorry, I should have clarified in more detail. I meant if he likes my pictures is that considered a silent Hoover? I mean if he would to continue to ignore me and not speak to me but click the like button on a picture for example. The reason I ask is because this seems to be a common thing. Where as he will ignore me for weeks or sometimes months and then out of nowhere will start liking pictures. Is that considered a regular Hoover or a silent Hoover?
If he likes a picture that is a Silent Hoover because it could be argued it was done “by accident”. If there are lots of likes around the same time, that would be a hoover. Putting a picture up however would just be a hoover as it is not plausible to suggest it was done by accident.
Is a Facebook or Instagram like also considered a silent hoover in addition to an app request? Or is it just a blank text or a “butt dial” phone call that fall among this silent hoover category?
In what context of FB or Instagram do you mean?
I’m getting the traditional message hoovers like hi how are u doing right now but a month ago he loved meaning placed a heart like on a post and picture on my fake account he did it with his fake account was that a hoover or silent hoover or what ?
Some of these are just too funny – and so manipulative! My Moron used to use the psychic one on me a lot – not so much as a hoover but as a reason to put up with him and not cut him off. He used our “bond” as the reason I should never expect anything from him. Actions weren’t necessary since we had such an unbreakable bond. Just knowing that he existed should be enough for me. Alas though, he never saw my face in jam. Our psychic bond must just not be as strong as he thought it was. 😝😝😝