The Expanded Narcissistic Truths – No. 5


The use of music in the narcissistic dynamic between our kind and our victims is common. It appears throughout the various stages of the dynamic but is used most heavily and also effectively during seduction. This use is an excellent microcosm for our behaviours as a whole :-

  1. It is used to appeal to your empathic traits such as love devotee;
  2. We use something created by someone else and pass it off as speaking for us;
  3. We do not feel the emotion conveyed in the song so we find a conduit (namely the song) to emulate it for us;
  4. It is easy to do thus conserving energy;
  5. We can use the same approach over and over again, even the same songs.

Thus we will use music often in order to lure our victims to us. I have however written a few pieces concerning the use of music in the seduction and therefore do not propose to do so once again here. Instead, I will utilise this expanded Narcissistic Truth to write about the use of bait in seducing you.

Everything we do when look to seduce you is bait.

Nothing is done or said ‘just because’. Our actions, our gestures, our words, our expressions are all part of this bait which is designed to draw you to us and ensure that you become ensnared on our dangling hook.

Much of this is instinctive. We have an ability to respond in a way which keeps producing bait to attract you. There is calculation too as we assess information that we have gathered about you and determine how would be the best way to lure you in, what would be the most appropriate and most rewarding approach. However, when we are interacting with you, we also respond in a instinctive fashion so that we do and say things which appeal to you.

Chief amongst this of course is the capacity to mirror. We have to do this, as I have explained elsewhere, which means that with a default setting of needing to mirror we automatically respond in a way which is appealing to you. We respond in a similar way to your likes and dislikes and it is a natural reaction which flows from this intrinsic requirement to mirror you. It often just happens because that is how we have been programmed.

Be in no doubt that during those early engagements with us that everything we do with you is designed to lure you. Of course we are drawing fuel from your enthusiastic replies to our passionate text messages, from that broad smile when you see us as you have been waiting in a bar for us or from your delight when we surprise you with a gift. This delicious positive fuel that you provide keeps telling us that we are right to keep laying down the bait, creating that trail of breadcrumbs that leads you into our world and then we close the portal behind you, keeping you there once you have become embedded.

None of these actions compliments, gestures or activities are done just for the sake of doing it. We do not derive ‘fun’ or ‘enjoyment’ from taking you out for dinner, going rowing together or playing a game of squash. We are drawing fuel and putting down the bait to trap you. That is all that matters.

You might wonder, but surely you enjoy playing squash anyway and it is doubly delightful to play squash with somebody whose company that you enjoy? It is a fair question and of course is one asked form your viewpoint. You do things because you intrinsically enjoy the experience. You like to be with somebody because you find them caring, amusing, mentally stimulating, good at what they do which impresses you and so on. None of that matters unless there is fuel attached to it.

Might I enjoy playing squash? Yes. Why? To win and thus draw fuel from the other person be it their praise at my prowess, admiration at the shots played or irritation at having been beaten. Might I enjoy playing squash with you? Yes. Why? Because you are giving me fuel during the game but moreover it is because I know you enjoy playing squash and therefore I am using it as a bait in my seduction of you.

There has to be a purpose.

Everything we say to you. Everything we do for you and with you. All of it, during seduction, must have the purpose of baiting you and providing us with fuel. It is not done just for the sake of doing it. That is an empty activity and a waste of our energy which must be conserved and applied in the most effective way to continue to gain fuel. During seduction these activities are carried out to lure you to us. That is the purpose. If the sentence or activity is not going to achieve that, there is no point to it.

During this seduction we want to spend so much time with you because you have something that we want – primarily fuel, but also those character traits and residual benefits. Those are the aims. You may be able to expound an excellent argument about the benefits of decriminalising narcotics but that is only of use to us as a character trait we might use for ourselves or the fact we purposefully play devil’s advocate so that your consternation as you continue to argue gives us fuel.

You may well be mentally stimulating, but that is only relevant in the context that fuel, character traits and residual benefits come with that mental stimulation also. The mental stimulation in itself is not enough.

This systematic baiting is necessary owing to the need for fuel. We have to have the certainty that you will give us fuel and be a fully functioning and reliable appliance. To secure this, we have to rely on baiting you and it is not enough to rely on that which is already there. That poses too great a risk. It is necessary to maximise our chances, thus we look for those who are the most susceptible and then we deploy our array of manipulations to create the illusion which ensures the bait is taken.

Yes, it might be the case that the more superior amongst us might well be able to secure your dedication to us without the embellishments and exaggerations but why on earth would we take such a chance? Not when there is so much at stake. You may say, “Be yourself and we would love you just the same”. I have seen this written many times and heard it too, but for many of our kind that would be a fatal mistake. For others, more advanced and with existing talent, it is not enough to rely on this and take chances. The optimum outcome has to be achieved and this means relying on luring you, attracting, baiting you through falsity, fakery and fabrication.

When you have been repeatedly told you are not good enough you are going to find someone else who is aren’t you?


16 thoughts on “The Expanded Narcissistic Truths – No. 5

  1. Isabella says:

    My narc put me on his spotify family plan.  He could put up to 5 people.  He use to take my phone and look at the songs I had listen to.  He said he liked to bless people with it. 

  2. geyserempath says:

    Mine played guitar and was brilliant at it. He then introduced me to a catalogue of songs he loved. Damn it!

    1. gabbanzobean says:

      Geyser Empath,
      Replace guitar with piano and I could have typed that word for word!

  3. windstorm says:

    I’ve only had one narc do this baiting with me and he was the only one to use music as well. It was my Moron in Munich and it was not successful. It was creepy and did not fit me or my personality. It was as if he had a pattern in his mind of what all women were like and what we all wanted. Then he tried rather frenetically to say the things he felt I ought to believe wanting me to agree.

    He would send me old songs I’d never heard and talk about what they meant for “us.” I did not agree with the messages the songs sent. I always thought they seemed to be songs he’d used with other women, maybe multiple times. This just made me sad that he was so off base and clueless. It was a cookie-cutter approach that did not work with me and always made me wonder if it had ever really worked with anyone.

    Sometimes you make it seem like all narcs doing golden periods are successful. Some of them are inept bunglers. I guess they all can be seen thru for the frauds they are, though. That is rather the purpose of this blog, isn’t it?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Some will mess it up, but most succeed.

      1. IJ says:

        Mine is spot on with the music.

      2. Dickforlong says:

        Mine would purposely play music I did not like in order to underscore how little I mattered. During the devaluation he insisted I liked music, places and clothes for which I had shown a dislike. All of a sudden the innocent dumb look would creep over him… And then insinuating I was gaslighting in order to start an argument he would knit his brow feigning confusion.

        He was an incredibly smart man… Until it suited him to act as though he was developing sudden onset senility… Best way to get to me is to act as though I am invisible.

    2. Tappan Zee says:

      Well if you describe them as “my narcs” it must have worked. The golden period. Shabby or not.


      1. Windstorm2 says:

        Tappan Zee
        Any narc in my life is “my narc”. As opposed to your narcs or someone else’s narcs. Acknowledging that a narc has been in my life doesn’t mean they still are, or that I ever even wanted them to be. It is just an acknowledgement that I have interacted with them. And as HG says, they view the relationship to last until death. It is prudent for me to see it that way also since they can pop up at any time with a hoover.

        This particular narc is the only one I’ve ever known to even attempt a golden period out of all my many narcs I have interacted with since birth and no, it did not work. It was very creepy and inept.

      2. Windstorm2 says:

        Tappan Zee
        I should have said that this narc was the only one of my narcs to attempt “love bombing”, not a golden period. Per my understanding of HG, I define any respite or pleasant period as a golden period. All of my narcs will do golden periods of some kind, but some don’t seem to last very long or seem very golden!

        When I think about it, I guess I’m usually in some form of golden period with all of them, most of the time. That’s because I tend to remain a tertiary source for most of my narcs since I interact with them rarely.

    3. gabbanzobean says:

      Every time I read the nickname “Moron in Munich” I laugh so hard. Moron in Munich, Mr. Piano Recital at Church, Narchole….

      We need more Narcy nicknames. Humor helps.

  4. Debra says:

    So my narc and I are both musicians that write music together…… fuck.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Lennon and McCartney eh?

      1. Tappan Zee says:


    2. Gabrielle says:

      The number of narcs that are musicians boggles my mind. So sayeth G-Bean who was caught up with a piano man.

  5. STINGray says:

    “Shape Of My Heart”

    He deals the cards as a meditation
    And those he plays never suspect
    He doesn’t play for the money he wins
    He don’t play for respect

    He deals the cards to find the answer
    The sacred geometry of chance
    [Studio version:] The hidden law of a probable outcome
    [Live version:] The hidden laws of a probable outcome
    The numbers lead a dance

    I know that the spades are the swords of a soldier
    I know that the clubs are weapons of war
    I know that diamonds mean money for this art
    But that’s not the shape of my heart

    He may play the Jack of diamonds
    He may lay the Queen of spades
    He may conceal a King in his hand
    While the memory of it fades

    I know that the spades are the swords of a soldier
    I know that the clubs are weapons of war
    I know that diamonds mean money for this art
    But that’s not the shape of my heart
    That’s not the shape, the shape of my heart

    And if I told you that I loved you
    You’d maybe think there’s something wrong
    I’m not a man of too many faces
    The mask I wear is one

    But those who speak know nothing
    And find out to their cost
    Like those who curse their luck in too many places
    And those who fear a loss

    I know that the spades are the swords of a soldier
    I know that the clubs are weapons of war
    I know that diamonds mean money for this art
    But that’s not the shape of my heart
    That’s not the shape of my heart
    That’s not the shape, the shape of my heart

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