The Seduction Shuffle Hoover



The hoover. A tried and trusted method of gaining fuel and exerting control over a victim once again. Whether they are benign or malign the hoover is an integral part of our repertoire. They are often part of a concerted action which is designed to break down your defences and suck you back in so we are able to exert control over you once again. Sometimes it is to con you into resuming the relationship again, sometimes it is purely to hurt you further and draw negative fuel. We may devise a particular scenario, use other people to effect the hoover by proxy and plan an effective way of establishing contact and then unleashing the hoover. For the hoover to be effective it must have two constituent parts: –

  1. A method of contact;
  2. A method of causing a reaction (positive or negative)

We may have devised a delightful scenario which will cause you to come running back to us oozing sympathy-based fuel but if we cannot establish contact with you it is pointless. This is why I often mention how it may seem that we have left you alone but all it is, is that we are waiting for a moment to establish contact so we can then cause the reaction. We are of course mindful that if you escaped us you have no doubt instigated no contact and that your defences remain high, you are on a state of alert and wary about what we are doing. Sometimes sheer force of the hoover and our magnetic personalities prove enough to surmount these defences but this can take time and in particular energy and as you know we prefer to conserve our energy. There is a particular hoover which I call the Seduction Shuffle. It is invariably a benign hoover and relies on you thinking we will do something and you are wrong-footed when we do not, only for us to then make our move.

The circumstances are such that we allow you to know that we are in the vicinity. This may be through somebody else. It might be by walking past where you live or work. We do not make any approach to you. We do not look towards where you might be watching us from, we do not reach out. All we do is want you to know that we are nearby and then we do nothing.

You have been expecting us to get in touch. When we first re-appear or you get news of us being nearby you will raise your defences again expecting an approach but then when it does not happen you are taken aback and confused. Why has he not tried to get in touch? He walked past your window the other day but did not even look towards you? He passed the office but acted as if he did not realise? Perhaps he is interested in me anymore? Why would that be the case? You almost feel insulted by the fact that we are back in town and have not looked you up. You wonder what is wrong and in that usual way of yours you start to question yourself. This failure to act when we show up leaves you somewhat bewildered, possibly relieved and your defences come down. Maybe we have moved on, perhaps we are no longer interested in you although you cannot help but want to know why this is. Your curiosity is piqued and you are torn between knowing you should stay away but also wanting to find out why we have not approached you. Is it the case that we are no longer interested? Could this really be true? You need to know. Part of you wants the confirmation that it is over, part of you wants to know why you are not good enough for us to approach again and your desire to know proves difficult to control. Words reaches you from a third party that they were talking to us, but no, we did not mention you or ask about you. This troubles you although you know you should not care, but you do. Admittedly, there may be some of you who will not react to this method but they are in the minority. The desire to achieve some kind of understanding as to what happened, some kind of closure, perhaps the chance to get a few things off your chest still churns inside of you. The fact we looked well has drawn your interest again, rekindling thoughts and feelings from that first seduction, but overall you want to know why the shark is swimming nearby again but has not come hunting for you. We know these thoughts will be going through your head. We know you saw us. We know that you showed disappointment when a member of our coterie said they had spoken to us and not mentioned you. Already you have begun to provide fuel to us and we are content to wait for that delicious hoover fuel. Hoover fuel is always enjoyable, whether relief, joy, loving or upset, it all empowers us but it is especially rewarding when you come into our sphere of influence again. With defences lowered as you think that you are abler to handle our machinations and manipulations now you decide that you want to find out what we are doing back, who we are with and most of all the reason why we have not been in touch with you. The temptation proves too great and after all, one text message or a telephone conversation cannot do any harm can it? Once we see that message from you or your name appears on the mobile ‘phone screen, or we don’t recognise the number but recognise your voice when we answer we can scent even more fuel. You have made the contact and this tells us that you have opened yourself up to provide us with the sought after reaction and this waiting game has once again proven successful. We can now strike and finish the hoover.

12 thoughts on “The Seduction Shuffle Hoover

  1. EmP says:

    Son of a b**ch.

    A narcissist ex from years ago just tried to hoover me (via Linkedin) and the system will NOT let me block him for some reason.

    I had escaped and blocked the guy on phone and email and he had never tried the Linkedin route before.

    I have emailed Linkedin support to find out why I’m unable to block a user’s profile.

    I feel sick.

  2. Demoneater,

    I agree wholeheartedly with what you wrote:

    ” Child abusers should be shot and thrown in a ditch.”
    This is why I was reluctant to become a parent, I didn’t trust myself. of all people, not to inflict the same damage. I thought what I went through was bad enough, and i assumed it was actually the norm.

    But on the seduction hoover shuffle, I’ve had this from other people in my life, and found it hilarious. But my N husband, who probably could have made this work on me never used it.Maybe it wouldn’t have worked, dependent on my current attitude when it would have been appropriate.

    His nearly constant MO was to distract my attention from anything else on to him. One of the reasons I was so shocked at the many women he was seeing, was basically the same reason i would wearily give as proof i was not “out f*cking around”. Seriously, I can’t get away from you so when could that possibly happen.

  3. demoneater says:

    Mine did this exact thing a few weeks ago. Thanks for confirming that it was exactly what I thought – a hoover attempt. I thought to myself, “He expects me to crumble and contact him now.” But I ignored. That probably wounded him. To be honest, knowing what I do of what made him (and all narcs) this way, the evil that robbed him of his own self and replaced it with poison, I can’t help but pity him, even through my hurt and anger. I would love to give him a big hug and even be his friend even after what he did to me (to be honest, as painful and crushing as it was, I recovered perfectly well and am doing great, better than ever actually. When I learned about why narcs do what they do, it stopped hurting because I realized, it has nothing to do with me, it is just a mentally ill script he is compelled to repeat). But for him, he can never recover, grow stronger, or shed his old skin. He is trapped in a nightmare until he dies. I would love to be his friend and love him, but I also know, that because of his very mental illness, this could never be the case. So incredibly sad. It’s soul murder, and then the child grows up and can only do the same thing to others. Sad and sick. Child abusers should be shot and thrown in a ditch.

    1. Somewhere over the rainbow says:


      There is a different brain wiring in a person becoming a narc, because as adults we all can understand and have a choice not to hurt others. And I am taking about very educated people (Greaters). Do you know why (professionally at least) they won’t stop using others? Because, even with a well developed brain and good logic, if you are good and considerate towards others, no one will let you lead. I lost all leadership chances faced with one woman talking like a master to slaves (workers). I saw them like humans, I explained to them why something it’s better done one way than another. After becoming manager, she didn’t say “hello!” or respond to her previous department colleagues. She treated them like “s**t” because she reached “a higher level”. I could never be that bastard, no matter how bad my father treated or neglected me. Sorry I can’t sympathize with Greaters, I’m indulgent with less intelligent ones, unaware of the evil they represent to others. I was one of the few confronting that inconsiderate person I was talking about and…you know something? She did what I professionally requested from her, even after she treated me badly in front of others, just to keep the “façade”. I’ve seen through her because there is something hypocrites don’t know: if you serve The Truth, it will never stay hidden from you…for long.

      Yes, it’s bad being robbed a beautiful or normal childhood, but the way you react to that is a choice. If you are emphatic, you’ll always stay that way, even towards your aggressors. Of course you’ll put a distance between you and them when adult, that’s another story. I accepted that’s the only way my father was educated to act and I can’t ask for more from him. His alcohol dependency took it’s toll on him also, by worse activating his bipolar disorder.
      I ask you: having a revenge on him/others would serve someone? Would that bring back my lost (ugly) years?

      1. demoneater says:

        Dear SOtR,

        Regarding your question about revenge, I personally am not against revenge, especially in the case of abuse. I don’t believe in turning the other cheek, I believe in kicking the abuser’s ass. The case for seeking revenge could be to gain closure for yourself and a sense of justice which would emppower and free you, as well as making it so that the abuser can’t abuse anyone again (depends on the case, and the nature of your revenge (i.e., courtroom justice vs. personally inflicted “outside the law” revenge), in which case, you become a hero as well.

        My only advice is:

        1.) wait until your emotions have cooled instead of being blinded by rage. This way, you will contrive something far better and with a greater chance of success. Just wait and think. What are his weakest places? What would hurt him the most? Give your plan time to ripen and strengthen like a fine wine.

        2.) Whatever you decide to do, protect yourself first. if you can do it without him knowing it’s coming from you, all the better. We are dealing with psychopaths after all.

        3.) Best case scenario is if you can use the law on your side to get to him and do so with the least amount of effort from yourself. But where this is not possible, then anything goes. lol

        Even if you don’t actually end up doing anything . . it can be therapeutic to think of things you could do. That in itself is empowering. Then if one day you do decide you want to, you’ve already got your plan.

        Good luck 🙂

      2. Somewhere over the rainbow says:

        Dear demoneater,

        Thank you for your time and response.

        I still choose not to hate, I’m not going to fill my soul with that.

        Best wishes to you, too! 🙂

  4. seaShell says:

    Another call just came through exact time as yesterday; midday. I didn’t pick up. I’ve also noticed over the years how they are very repetitive in some instances and do the same things at the same time. Maybe that’s just a practical way to keep up with their deceptions. Or is it for another reason, HG?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      It may also be because it is a manifestation of a Hoover Trigger which activates at the same time each day.

  5. A Wakened says:

    HG.. Does it not get tiring to have to design these methods for each person? I’m sure it brings you much delight, but surely you must get tired of it.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      No I do not.

  6. seaShell says:

    I am going through this now after 8 months. Back then I let him know that I was no longer interested as I had been reading HG’s articles and had had an epiphany. I had a few emails a couple of months ago telling me how we should spend xmas together but I completely ignored them. That would have surprised him as I have been wanting that for some time now but I didn’t reply. I stayed strong. First email announced he would be coming in December and when he didn’t get a reply, a few weeks later he announced he would be here in January – as if the first email announcement hadn’t even happened. I ignored them both rather than reply with a “no thanks”. From reading this site I’ve learned that ignoring was a way to wound whereas a reply, even a negative one, was fuel in the way of attention.
    He’s been ringing on the landline this last week but I don’t answer. I did answer it in haste yesterday before I realised it was him so I remained silent and said nothing. He was just there saying… hello, hello. I didn’t want to hang up as he would have heard that and known I was on the other end so I put the mute on and listened to him saying “I can’t hear you, seems we have a bad line but if you can hear me I hope you are well and was just wanting to ask how you are because I saw the extreme heatwave report on Sydney’s (Australia) weather on the TV (he is in Canada) and made me concerned for you.I hope you’re coping with it ok, +40C there and -20C here blah blah blah blah… “.
    He finally hung up, promising to ring again, all pleasant and caring. I will have to vigilant when answering the phone and not make that mistake again. I won’t be worn down as I am too enraged and disgusted by what I have learned on here this last year or more.
    HG is right when he says you come into their sphere of thought. All it took for me was an overseas weather report which also provided a topic of conversation to act as if he was really just a caring soul concerned for my well being.
    But this time… I know better.
    Thank you HG.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      You are welcome.

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