A Letter to the Narcissist – No. 70

SARA LETTER

 

Dear Female Narcissist (a.k.a. Greedy Fat Pig)

Thank you!  Thank you for your inadvertent help because before I was spotted and chosen by you, I had no idea that females like you existed. There’s always a school-yard bully or two with their own gang of bullies but I had no idea that adult bullies with their own gang of adult bullies, existed. I also believed that if I should ever come across an adult bully, it would probably be a male with tattoos or a yob on a stolen bicycle pushing around the younger kids. Now I know differently.
You weren’t and probably still aren’t, typically feminine looking with your almost 6 foot stature, manly gait, michellin man neck and a Desperate Dan looking chin, without the whiskers. But you had this sing-song voice, much like a toddler which made you sound gentle and kind. You found me at the local park, remember. You walking your dog and me walking mine. You told me you came almost every day and had never seen me. I said ditto. After a couple of weeks, I saw you again at the park and we walked and chatted. When we arrived back at the car park, you asked if I would mind looking after your dog for the day whilst you worked as there was no-one else available on that day. I said yes and by saying yes, that’s how you were able to infiltrate and subsequently infect, my life.
I had no idea what you were. I hadn’t heard of The Dark Triad or Extreme Narcissism or Sociopath. I’d heard of the word Psychopath but you didn’t look like Ted Bundy. I thought you were like me. I thought, from what you told me, that you were a kind, considerate, trustworthy, caring and compassionate person. That’s the reason why I liked being your friend. I had no idea that I had become your latest prey and I had no idea that you were a Greedy Fat Pig. You didn’t see why (and probably still don’t) you alone were responsible for paying off your personal debt. You took advantage of my kindness. You took me to the cleaners. You left me to fight off your gang of flying monkeys with accusations of my mental instability immediately after I told you to never, ever contact me again. You left me to defend my text message to you in which I wrote “Leave me alone, I’ve told everyone about you and they’re as disgusted in you as I am” to the police officer you sent to my door with false accusations of sending you an ‘abusive text message’. Luckily, I still had the text and the police officer said you were a bully and for me to stop contact.
I will always refer to you as a Greedy Fat Pig. A Greedy Fat Pig who not only got me to pay off your debt because it was causing major depression and your parents have never once helped you, but who lied to me about your parents. Your parents whose rental home you were living in when we met. The rental home which they sold and bought you your own home, no mortgage to pay. Whatever furniture you wanted, you got and then you were bought a new car.
You are nothing but an oversized toddler hanging onto Mummy and Daddy’s purse strings. You’re financially greedy. Everyone is your piggy-bank. Everyone has to come to your rescue. You left me and no doubt others before me, financially depleted. When are you going to stand on your own two feet?  You’re almost 46 years of age. Will you ever stop preying on others for financial gain? How much money is going to be enough?
Like a pig in muck, you’re happy with yourself. I know you are. You put in a lot of effort, conning people like me. You’re like a train without brakes. You’re a train wreck and you always will be. You know that I know what you are. I know that you know. It’s why you smeared my character so badly. You fear my knowledge and my strength. You know that I could cause problems for you. I like that. I like to think that you’re worried I might land a blow against you in the future.
You taught me a huge lesson about female narcissists.  You are very much gold-diggers with the more unattractive, manly-looking ones such as yourself, preferring to prey on women for financial gain (as a new best friend) because you know you have little to no chance of seducing a man. Not with that Desperate Dan chin of yours and a voice like a dog’s squeaky chew toy!
You screwed me over big time but guess what? I won!  I won because I get to feel happy and joyful. I win because I see and feel the beauty of this world, in spite of there being people like you around. I win because I’m on the good side. The side of Light. I win because of my newfound awareness.
I win, you Greedy Fat Pig. Checkmate!
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24 thoughts on “A Letter to the Narcissist – No. 70”

  1. Oh my.. oh my..

    women narcissists makes men narcissists look like angels.

    They are false to the core, totally void of goodness, and would do anything to destroy you if they think you are a threat to their insanity.

    That is what i wish to the narc who is hurting me over and over again :
    to end up with a woman narc ( pretending to be an emphat) who would trap him uncanningly and give him a taste of her own evil medicine which is worse than his own.

  2. Hi sara…ive had these types of narcs in my life that take and take and take. They live in a false world where they feel they are owed and will mooch off people to get by in life.
    My brother in law comes to mind as a direct example. He mooched for years off his mum living in her basement rent free then in her dying days swindling her property from her making sure they were left it in her will. He had 2 other siblings but never stopped to even consider them he wanted the money and all of it. He sold the house before she even passed away. Fast foreward 5 yrs later and he lost the house and burned thru all 350000.00. How does ones do that?? Its called no concept of money bc you were always given it no questions asked.
    Now hes in dire straights and surprise surprise you have to actually work for money aside from mooching off your wife continuosly.
    Hes a leech and will take money wherever he can get it. They are fat pigs with no regard for others. Sorry your kindness was taken advantage of in this way but dont let it ruin that part of your personality.

  3. Nice letter. Brilliant picture to accompany the article. The lesser narc humanoid is disgusting looking and so funny. Imagine one of those stomping the ground, chasing a woman, calling out “Come here tart. Fuckin’ bitch. Le’ me have me way with you, love. <>” Ewwww!

  4. This is an important scenario to highlight and one that sneaks up on people. You dont immediately think of being in danger from “friends” and especially females who do not fit the stereotype of a female narcissist .Thank you for writing about it.

  5. Hi Sara, Thank you for your letter. It reminds me that narcissists come in all shapes and sizes. When I was 14 we visited family out of state. My 7 year old cousin stared at me with malice and lust. He grew up to be a very handsome man who married a woman with 3 daughters. She left her husband for him. He is now serving time in a state penitentiary for child sexual abuse. I didn’t know him that well since we lived far from them, but I think that if there is something as a child Narc he was one of them.

  6. I am glad there are an array of letters that represent different experiences. One does not need to be a primary source for something to hurt or aggravate.

    I have known female psychopaths. I knew an old boss who was an ugly, fat bitch and hated any woman who was more attractive, etc.

    She had her favorites and if you weren’t one of them she would pick at you, pick, pick pick. Everyone kissed her ass and no one wanted to stand up to her.

    Those she favored said she was the ‘best boss they’d ever had’ and those she targeted made work life hell and she would sabotage, and get people to spy for her. (Lieutenants.)

    I was not one of the favorites. Thankfully that bitch is LONG out of my life and retired!

    Female narcissists tend to really dislike me because their ‘charm’ does not work with me and I see through it. They’re nasty to me from the start because I’m not kissing some bitch’s ass.

    I have only ever fallen for the charms of males.

    1. Hey Bibi – In a nut-shell, it amounts to Pathological Jealousy and Envy. I rate high on the Echoism scale and rate average on Healthy Narcissism (and almost zero on the Extreme Narcissism scale) which makes me a perfect target. I’m now working on lowering my Echoism and increasing my healthy narcissism, so that I can find a better balance, thus hopefully lessening my chances of being targeted again. That being said, should any female I’ve only just recently met, seek to flatter me, or make an excuse to see me again (such as looking after their dog) or bombard me with text messages or suggestions for days out or invites to their house for dinner, I won’t hesitate to walk away, no explanations needed. Genuine friendships take time to evolve. My friendship (fake friendship) with the Greedy Fat Pig / Big Fat Slob was by far the most intense friendship I’ve ever had. That’s not normal. Or at least now I know that’s not normal. If anyone, male or female, takes a sudden interest in you, (intimate or non-intimate) it’s not normal.

      1. I have had some other female narc experiences in the work place, where I could feel myself being sized up, questioned about personal matters, etc. It sounds paranoid but I just knew it wasn’t sincere. They’re not asking because they care but they want to see how they need to compete with you.

        A good coworker will encourage you to ask questions, while a narc coworker will cut you down and make you feel like a moron. I had one who used to answer all my questions with questions.

        Me: ‘Are we still performing such and such?’
        Her: ‘Now why do you think that would be?’
        Me: ‘I don’t know, that’s why I am asking.’
        Her: ‘Now, what is it we are trying to do here…’

        Eventually, I just played dumb all the time, just to piss her off, which isn’t the most mature thing, but she was an asshole.

        In the area I work there are a lot of cerebral narcissists who have something to prove. Ironically, she didn’t know what side of the country New York was, east coast or west. And she had no idea when any of her family members’ birthdays were and seemed to think this was funny.

        But she was the ‘smart one’. Ok.

        Hence the ‘toxic work environment’ of all these women bullying, gossiping, etc. I never gave them fuel, so they never liked me.

      2. I don’t think any target willingly gives them fuel. They provoke and we react because we are yet to understand what type of personality we’re up against. If we knew the type of personality we were dealing with, then we are armed and are more likely to disarm before any real damage is done. Awareness is key and should be taught in schools, colleges, universities and the workplace. Many companies have a No Bullying Policy but it’s not enough. Not all bullies are Narcissists, Sociopaths and Psychopaths and these are the ones who need smoking out, more so than your average, garden variety bully.

      3. Im all for awareness but I have to say in my workplace a lot of the time its the bullies and narcs that are taking credit for the seminars and posters, and who are always front and centre for any photos taken (wearing their pink shirts of course) to celebrate these causes. One of the angels with dirty faces was selling t-shirts against bullying. I asked: arent you the reason we need these shirts? He didnt answer but laughed.

  7. Very interesting letter, Sara.

    The Female narcissist differs from the Male one.

    More attention to the external appearance and plastic surgeries, more pity plays and intrigues, more “soft”, more envious, more insidious, more stable in the relationships.

    They often target other women (“good” girl friends). They “steal” boyfriends and husbands for “fun”. They “borrow” (read steal) clothes, money, jewellery. They secretly read our diaries and “accidentially” slip the “info” to everyone who wants to listen. They smear us and gossip behind our backs and they are the “sweetest sugar in the world” in our presence. They explain their “emotional outbursts” using the magic word – PMS.

    We don’t recognize them untill it is too late, because the words “sisterhood” and the “female solidarity” mean a lot to us. Only woman can understand another woman’s problem and we value our girl friends for that. Unfortunately, it is exactly what the Female narcissists use against us to gain our trust.

    1. Hi NoName – yes, you’re absolutely spot on. In hindsight, all the red flags were there, from sleeping with her best friend’s boyfriend to using pity ploys to sneaking into your home and moving stuff around or stealing to smearing your name behind your back to smearing others behind their backs (even their so-called best friends are smeared but will be called upon to attack your character in the aftermath). They will do just about anything and everything that a non-disordered person would not dream of doing. And yes, they use the old PMS excuse for their outbursts and they know very well that Society in general excuses their behaviour also, preferring to blame a woman’s outburst on their hormones.

  8. Dear Sara,
    That was rough to read. When I saw this line:

    But you had this sing-song voice, much like a toddler which made you sound gentle and kind.

    Immediately, I thought of this comment by:

    alexissmith2016
    MAY 1, 2017 AT 15:24
    HG, who do Ns engage in ‘baby talk’ ?

    HG Tudor
    MAY 1, 2017 AT 17:27
    It is exhibiting the lack of emotional maturity. Lessers would do it to irritate. Mid-Range would do it for sympathy.

    To see both comments in full, go to:

    https://narcsite.com/2017/04/30/exposed-5-further-tips-to-flush-out-the-narcissist/#comments

    I made a note of this because one of my female narcissists uses “baby talk” and she looks like a pig, and I agree with HG Tudors #1 fan; it is an insult to pigs, but she really does resemble one.
    Reading about the smear campaign was awful and she sent the police to your door, no less. That boiled my piss, but I am happy that the police recognized who the true bully was. Thank God you are away from that train wreck. Enjoy your freedom and newfound awareness!

    Warm regards
    K

  9. Sounds more like a fat slob. Lets not insult a pig.

    Most female narcissist are definitly greedy gold diggers, who are big bullies with balls between their legs. What I have noticed about female narcissist, is they have a lot of masculant qualities.

    Great Letter!

    1. HG Tudors #1 fan – (love the name) – Yes, a fat slob is more accurate. A fat, greedy slob. My apologies to all pigs 🙂 I agree that many have a lot of masculine qualities. I can’t remember where I read it but a leading expert quoted them as having a lethal mix of high testosterone which explained their aggressive behaviour and lack of femininity.

  10. Hello Sara,

    I am sorry to hear that this happened to you. Narcissistic women, just like men, do not change. If they were bullies during childhood, they get worse when they reach adulthood because they have learnt and practised new manipulation tactics. They are more difficult to detect than men because they are more subtle than men and very good at hiding behind a mask of sweetness, niceness, helplessness (the poor victim) and helpfulness. They also pretend to be *concerned* about their victim’s mental or physical health. This works better for them than if they said their target is crazy and an abuser. Men cannot identify their manipulative behaviour, unless they become victims themselves.

    First she tested your boundaries by asking you to look after her dog for the day (red flag). You gave in and then knew she could go for more. I wanted to say that even if you had not helped her (financially or in any other form), she would have started her spiteful revenge from the day you refused to accept her demand. They do not accept a no for an answer. This happened to me more than once. I do not give in to female bullies. I refuse all kinds of ‘cheeky’ requests and demands. I see red flags when a woman portray herself as the harmless poor victim, asks intrusive questions to gather information and begin to test my boundaries.

    We have the right to our opinion and to say no without giving any explanation and without being punished for it with passive-aggressive behaviour. Safe women accept this. Disordered women punish their victims by destroying their relationships (female adult bullying, relational aggression) through smear campaigns, character assassination and false accusations to the authorities (family social services, police). They also tend to choose people in position of authority within the group or outside the group to separate their victim from the group.

    1. Hello E.B. – many thanks for your comment. I can relate to everything you wrote. In my personal experience with both male and female Narcs, it has been the female type who has proven to be more vicious and who surround themselves with a gang of bullies. But hey, all bullies are cowards. They can’t fight their own battles. This female bully in particular is by far one of the most dangerous I’ve come across. She’s worked as a Support Worker for the Deaf with Learning Difficulties and as a Police Custodial Officer with the firm G4S (renowned bullies) and is currently a Registered Nurse. She seeks out positions where she can prey on the weak and disabled or where she can throw her weight around together with other bullies. It’s scary how many of these Narcissistic women are working in these sectors.

      1. Hi Survivor,

        Thank you for your comment.

        “…it has been the female type who has proven to be more vicious and who surround themselves with a gang of bullies”

        I agree. This is my experience with women too. Adult female bullies do not confront their targets when they are alone. They do not use direct aggression. They use very subtle forms of passive-aggressiveness to go undetected. They manipulate other people to confront and attack their target. Women who confronted me were Lieutenants. It can take years to know who is behind the attack.

        “It’s scary how many of these Narcissistic women are working in these sectors.”

        Absolutely, S. Working with the weak, the vulnerable, the elderly are great positions for people without compassion and for those who need to feel superior, omnipotent and in control. Most of the women who have bullied me in the past and those who are still targeting me work in those fields too: registered nurses, a mid-day supervisor, a foster parent, a police officer, a social worker. I noticed there are many of them having a paid job at non-for-profit organizations too.

        IMO, fear is one the main reasons why people do not want to know about what apparently empathetic women working in nursing/care homes, rehabilitation centres, psychiatric institutions, children’s homes and hospitals, to name a few, are capable of. They do not even want to think what may happen to them when they are vulnerable at the mercy of evil women.

        Apart from that, the perpetrators are part of a team (they do not work alone, there are other work colleagues, witnesses) and that there are cameras almost everywhere. I used to believe that if there was group of people hearing or watching someone being physically or mentally abused, especially by two or more people, then at least one of them would react and stop them. I was wrong.

        Although I am not in the medical/caring profession, I have witnessed different episodes over the years that I would have never imagined apparently empathetic women like nurses were capable of. They can decide between life and death. Doctors only give directions. Nurses are in charge of administering medications and if they do not want to do it or they want to change it, they know how to cover it up. The same applies to physical abuse. Yes, the camera is on and other colleagues are watching or hearing. But nobody cares. Go on and try to sue them. It is you against a group of people and against an organization that will protect its reputation at any cost.
        When a patient dies, doctors believe it was “a natural cause”, “I do not know, it is weird but the medication did not work”. I do not blame them. I have seen how malignant nurses behave like caring, loving people who are concerned about their patients when in front of them. Nurses become humble, submissive and compliant in the presence of doctors. Witnessing a helpless human being being tormented and tortured makes anyone sick. It is one of the most disturbing things people can experience, similar to soldiers watching people die at war. They get PTSD. Some nurses make serial killers look like amateurs. Decent, empathetic people working in those fields witnessing such horrendous acts leave their job and, if they have the chance, they report those crimes to the police. I saw an empathetic nurse speaking about this taboo subject on TV. Her face was not shown and her voice changed. She left her job since she could stand putting up with what her female colleagues did and she said she was taking antidepressants and could not work anymore.

    1. Lisa – yep! it sure can feel like we’re speaking or writing about the exact same person. Different name, time and place – but all with an eerily similar pattern of behaviour. I would of written more there was no need. Those of us who have experienced this type of abuse, get this gist. Thanks for your comment, Lisa and here’s to a Narc free year and life for all of us 🙂

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