Exposed – 5 Further Tips To Flush Out the Narcissist



Here are five further opportunities to flush out whether the person you are interacting with is potentially one of our kind.

  1. Ask which parent we liked the best

The Lesser will launch into an uncontrolled tirade about the one he hates because that is the one that has made his life a misery since childhood. He despises that person and will relish the opportunity to share his vitriol with you.

The Mid-Range will not opt for fury but rather will speak in melancholic terms for the purposes drawing some kind of sympathy about how he misses a particular parent (one will be preferred over the other and this will be the one who he wanted to love him but did not) and he will describe how he does so much for this parent but is underappreciated. He will not actually choose one parent over the other but instead he will use the question as an opportunity to convey his woes.

The Greater will tell you that his parents died in a car crash, or left the country, or that he was abandoned as child purely for the purposes of gathering fuel from you and making him appear to be a troubled soul, whilst every time you look in the other direction he will be smirking. When you eventually meet his parents he will use your bewilderment at their appearance to make a joke and display how he loves his parents immensely. This is all show. He actually wishes they were dead.

The Normal will not pick one over the other usually, but if he does, this will be done after emphasising the good points of both parents so that one only just shades it.

  1. Ask what our favourite toy was during childhood

The Lesser will recount a tale about how his favourite toy was broken by a parent, a sibling or stolen by a supposed friend. The rant he will engage in will seem like this toy was hugely expensive and that the event happened yesterday.

The Mid-Range will most likely point to a board game and remark about how he won every game that he ever played and may even admit to cheating at the game. He will answer this question quickly, as if it is something that is often at the forefront of his mind.

The Greater will dismiss having played with toys and will explain how he was too busy studying, playing sport or chasing girls. Indeed, there is every chance that he will explain he was doing all three. He does not want too many reminders of childhood because the memories remain painful and all too clear, not that he will admit that to you. He will instead ask you about your favourite toy.

The Normal will smile and identify something which will be straight-forward and simple but he will speak about it with fond enthusiasm.

  1. Ask when did we last cry

The Lesser will relate it to some personal slight that he has suffered. It will not be because he was upset about someone else, but rather that he was upset for himself. He will not be able to provide a precise time.

The Mid-Range will profess it was as a consequence of a sad film or on seeing some campaign to help blind gay whales find their parents. He wants you to think he cares and is compassionate so will align his supposed crying with such an event. The reality is he cried when he thought his last supply was leaving because he felt bad for himself and he knew that turning on the water works is a sure fire way of stopping the departure and garnering sympathy.

The Greater will say that he does not cry. He will be proud of that fact and not wish to mask it. He will then ask you what makes you cry and make a careful note of what your answers are.

The Normal will explain it was when his grandmother passed away, when his dog died or when Bambi’s mother was killed by the hunter in the film. It may also be when his team last won the championship or when he was re-united with a long lost friend.

  1. Apply a gentle criticism to us

The Lesser will reject the assertion and argue that you are wrong. He will initially keep a lid on his ignited fury because this has been done during the seduction but if you press the point he will erupt.

The Mid-Range will fall silent as he tries to prevent the criticism from igniting his fury. He cannot respond because he is exerting his control to keep his ignited fury under control. Once he feels it abating he will either change topic pretending that he never heard it or he will depart from your company for a few minutes as he regains his composure. Say hello to your first, short silent treatment.

The Greater will smile and laugh. The smile will be false and the laugh hollow. He has plenty of control during this seduction to prevent his ignited fury from manifesting. Expect however a back-handed compliment later in the interaction and he has filed away your comment which will be revisited on you during devaluation.

“Remember when you said you did not like this tie? I certainly do. Well, Louise loves this tie and thinks it suits me. Who is Louise? Wouldn’t you like to know?”

The Normal will smile and laugh it off, asking you “Do you think so, why do you say that?” interested to know why you have said what you have said. He may reject it but will do so pleasantly or he may take the comment on board with good grace.

  1. Observe our interactions with a minion

The Lesser will go out of his way to be haughty and demonstrate that he is the boss in order to try to impress you.

The Mid-Range will be charming and pleasant in order to draw fuel from both you and the minion. His obsequiousness will be noticeable and he will spend more time than he ought to deal with the minion.

The Greater will be flirtatious and point out that “They love me in here because of how much I spend, I always get a great table and great service.” It will be all about how great he is and how the minion is there to serve him.

The Normal will be polite and have minimal interaction with the minion because he will be concentrating on you.



  1. Hg can you please briefly explain why the midranger will
    “answer this question quickly, as if it is something that is often at the forefront of his mind.”
    Why is that? Do they subconsciously prepare their answer?

    1. The answer is always lurking there because the Mid Range Narcissist is desperate to demonstrate that he is a winner and exaggerate his credentials in order to keep the Narcissist’s Reality Gap (see the article of the same name for more information).

  2. # 1 worked for me. He told me about his father’s terrible behavior,. then a month and half ago he discarded me and for the first time ever I realized what was going on. Thanks to everything I have learned here I am catching on. Narcissists really are ubiquitous.

  3. HG, I know you played with toys!!! Spill it!!
    I had a love for trains when I was 8.
    Everyday I get paid to play with kids (while testing), its actually fun many times (unless I am bit or spit on, or have to catch a runner….then…well, I earn my keep for sure). Your turn!
    **ok, I will be polite-please?**

  4. HG, who do Ns engage in ‘baby talk’ ?

    Most of the ones I’ve come across to a greater or lesser degree seem to do this, e.g “I is doing this today”, “Nicola (as in first person) likes pink lollies”.

    Is it to appeal to our empathetic nature or annoy the shit out of us! 😂😂

    1. It is exhibiting the lack of emotional maturity. Lessers would do it to irritate. Mid-Range would do it for sympathy. Either school that is of the Victim Cadre would do it to be mothered.

      1. Thanks HG. Yes the others have done it a little, just the odd sentence here and there. This latest one, now he’s decided to target me is doing it continuously. And telling me so much how he is a bad person and not what I think he is. Telling loads of things he’s done scheming against others. Of course he would never do that to me because I’m special and he’s loved me from afar – always.

        I’m definitely not playing games with this one. He can go straight to the house of discards.

        I had previously thought he was an invert.

  5. Hi HG,
    With #1, does the Greater want the non-Narcissist parent dead because of their failure to remove them from & therefore protect them from the abuse? Also, as it is likely the non-Narcissist parent is an empath, is part of the reason empaths are targeted a way of re-enacting punishing by proxy the parent that failed to protect?
    Thank you in advance.
    (🕶👬🐋 too funny…)

    1. Yes alongside the fact that the narcissist will resent any manifestation of control (whether good or bad) exhibited towards the narcissist by that parent as part of their parenting of the narcissist – e.g. setting a curfew for when the teenager had to be home.
      This is often suggested and I can see the force in that suggestion.

      1. So if a UGN says to an IPPS that ‘I wish my Mother had met you, she would have liked you’. (recently deceased, non-Narcissist parent) would that be a pity play or Narc speak for ‘you remind me of the bane of my existence & I shall take great pleasure in crushing you.’?

  6. And when I meet people, I tell them that I hated my parents, and as a young child I wished they had both died in a violent car crash. You should see the look on their faces. It is quite amusing. Talk about cognitive dissonance.

    1. K
      I have never said my parents but my hisband died a couple of years and when asked if I have ever been married my answer has always been once, when asked what happened I just said he died and it was the best thing ever that happened to me. Lol after they get over the shock of my answer and start to question me, I then use it as a way of spreading HGs work. I usually just say read this blog and you will understand why. Some have come back and we have had some very interesting conversations.

      1. Twilight,
        my mother and father were both narcissists. They were cruel, physically violent, and sadistic. When I meet people, I want to see how they react to provocative statements. Questions, after shock, are great. If you told me your husband died and it was the best thing that ever happened, I would ask you all about it and we would become fast friends. Conversations are fuel. When I tell people I wished my parents dead, they shake their heads in disbelief and avoid me.

        1. K
          I actually wished I didn’t understand, yet I do.
          Friends yes I do believe that would happen.

      2. Twilight
        Empaths usually understand; normals don’t. I prefer to hang out with empaths and provocative statements usually weed out the normals most of the time. However, they do not weed out the narcissists. That is a whole new ball game.

        1. K
          Do you see Empaths as living under any kind of illusion?
          Yes narcissist are a different dance from both Empaths and normals.

      3. Twilight,
        yes, an Empath I know told me that her mother would stand in the doorway of her bedroom and watch while she was sexually assaulted by her dad. She then insisted that her mother loved her. I told her that her mother did not love her, because no mother would stand by and allow her daughter to be sexually assaulted by anyone. Talk about illusion. Turns out both her parents were narcissists.

        I am catching on to how the narcissist works, hopefully there will be no more dancing with those kind anymore.

        1. K
          Sometimes when it is all you ever know it is what you believe to be love.
          This is the same for people like HG, they only know one way. That is their reality. I have stated many times I do not agree with the methods used, but they are people to. Finding a way to met half way and understand the perspective I believe a solution can be found. Sadly people’s perspective and how things must look will get in the way and they will miss the positive that is happening.

  7. When I was 8 years old, I wished my both my parents got killed in a car crash. Sadly, it never happened.

  8. Wonderful HG. You really ought to put these together in book/guide form I think. I would definitely buy it. Paperback would suit me best so I could carry it in my bag at all times for a quick referral 😀
    Although I feel more confused about which school the ex narc is now as he shows traits of all. I’m glad I used this as a question in my consult though and I look forward to the answer.

  9. I’m curious HG, how do you find the Co-dependents and Super Empaths to answer those same questions? Along the answers of the “normals” typically? Or are there certain flags that would trigger you that you that they are freshly wounded? Especially about parents and last time they cried?

    1. I guess I’m trying to ask if we are forthcoming with too much information and detail when asked these types of questions?

  10. Oh my goodness you have described my Mid-Ranger’s reactions to all 5 perfectly. As always. If only you’d written this 3 years ago….. amazing. And funny.

  11. Omg HG , I am at work and I started reading this and got to ” blind gay whales find their way !” I am howling with laughter !! I actually have tears streaming down my face. I need that.

    1. I did the same Stephanie! Hg is so good with the written word. That was the phrase that had me laughing too.
      I used to be petrified of reading what he wrote because it scared me far more than any Dean Koontz novel. It was at the beginning when I’d just realised what my ex was. It really did scare me but I knew I had to keep reading. Then one day he wrote an article ‘remorse’ and all it said was “nope, can’t help with that one” it had me howling! And the ice was broken so to speak. I still get scared sometimes now when something triggers me but for the most part as soon as I read something funny HG slots into his articles then the fear dissipates.
      Laughter is the best therapy they say and I believe HG has that covered too.

  12. “campaign to help blind gay whales find their parents” LOL

    You may be 😈 but you are funny.

  13. Holy crap!!!! My middle ranger with #5. Took me to dinner one time and chatted with the waitress for damn near 10 minutes!!!!

      1. Ha! I would expect you to be on Kylo Ren’s side Mr. Tudor😁. To be fair, it was heartbreaking to see the coolest guy in the galaxy and one of beloved characters dying from the hand of his son .

          1. What one believes to be impossible can always be possible ;)

  14. Sorry lady… But you’re just spouting nonsense at this point. If you had a bad parent, you had a bad parent. Speaking the truth doesn’t make someone a narcissist. It’s far worse to “smile and deny” the truth than it is to express your anger, pain, hurt, sadness. There are more emotions than just happiness. I don’t even understand how anyone could be happy right now living in this grotesque world. You’ve got predators and prey and NO ONE seems to understand that the whole situation is f***ed.

    What you’re labeling as “normal” is EXACTLY WHAT’S WRONG WITH EVERYONE!


    1. You are not the only one if that makes you feel better..
      I’ve been triangulated with dear mom, whom he hates because ungrateful of all the things he does for her. According to him he is his mother’s servant so he can’t answer the phone etc. He takes care of his mother regardless of how bad she treats him, he’s a good and generous soul.
      He’s always listening to his sister…chatting with her on whazap…all afternoon….she needs him…lots of health problems.
      So present in everyone’s life. Everybody needs him, he can’t ignore one single cry for help, how could he? He hates cruel and egoistic people and he doesn’t care if he gets nothing in return. He does it because it’s the right thing. Meanwhile he can ignore me for days after not showing up for an appointment, with no warning, no explanation, nothing.
      See, it’s my fault. I am too needy.

      1. Sadly by the end of my relationship with my ex N, I couldn’t cry either. It was Very weird. Even when one of my parents (who I had a close relationship with) died during the midst of his discard, I couldn’t cry. I was just numb. The closest I got to feeling anything was a sensation like I was about to be unable to breathe…hard to explain….then it would pass again. Or I’d feel at a complete loss and just kind of howl from somewhere inside that I didn’t know existed before (into a pillow so as not to wake my sleeping children) but again no tears. Just empty.

        And now tears well up and pour at things unrelated directly to me but still awful or during a *sad* moment in a film whilst for me personally they do not fall. My face kind of gets ready, crumples a bit, then the moment passes and it’s gone.

        What is that? The result of my emotions being denied for so long whilst with him? Have my tears gone to the same place my dreams went?

  15. Question HG, my ex narc fit the greater in every category except parents. All he would say about his father is that his temper was bad. Now his mother, that’s a different story. He talked about her like he wished he could duplicate her and date or marry her. He constantly sent me pictures of her where our ages matched. When I was 16 he sent me pictures of when she was 16 and so on throughout my aging. He seemingly adored her and said he was lying with her in her hospital bed when she died but, interestingly enough he said he did not cry when she passed. What is that about? He was the second of 5 boys. When one of his brothers shot himself all he said was “hmm, he had on a new shirt.”

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