A Glimpse of the Future

 

A GLIMPSEOF THE FUTURE

 

It is well known that our kind operate by the wearing of masks. We have learned how to portray those emotions which we do not feel. We have ascertained that in certain situations we are expected to respond in a particular way. We know that by donning a particular mask we are more likely to charm and seduce you. We are aware that maintaining a certain mask the vicious malevolence that lurks beneath can be kept in check so that we achieve acceptability and the advancement of our agendas. There are occasions when we will give you a glimpse of what lies beneath this mask. I am not referring to when we whip the mask off and subject you to devaluation. That is a purposeful and intended act on our part. I am not making reference to when the mask fractures as a consequence of the ignition of our fury and the lesser and mid-range of our kind are unable to keep the mask in place so that the ignited fury erupts and the malicious beast is unleashed. There are occasions however when we provide you with a fleeting glance beneath the mask as to what lies beneath. This will happen during the seduction period. Sometimes it is as a consequence of the effect of a particular agent, such as alcohol. Sometimes, especially with the greater of our kind, it is done as deliberate act in order to gauge your reaction. In such an instance, we tell you of what lies ahead to see if you baulk at the suggestion, or that more likely you respond in a sympathetic manner of even by way of denial.

“I couldn’t ever imagine you doing that.”

“That won’t happen with me though. It might have with other people but I will treat you better than they have.”

“You’re not like that, don’t be silly.”

“I don’t see you doing something like that, you are too nice.”

If you respond in such terms when you have been given such a warning, then this is a green light to us that we have you under our control and that you will accord with our desires and machinations. It also allows us, when we do eventually behave in the manner described down the line during the devaluation, to throw it back in your face by saying.

“I did warn you.”

“Why are you complaining? I was upfront that this would happen.”

“I told you so.”

“It’s no use crying about it now. I told you what I was like.”

“I told you and you chose to stay with me. It is your fault.”

Not only does this enable us to avoid blame, something we must achieve, it will also result in you reacting and providing us with fuel.

With the lesser or mid-range of our kind, these comments are more akin to thinking aloud. The mask does slip, unintentionally for a moment, through the explanation of a future behaviour before it is realised what has been said and the disclosure is brushed to one side, denied or passed off as a silly comment owing to drink or being tired. Why do these comments arise in such a manner from the lesser and mid-range of our kind? Is it guilt or remorse? No, because those emotions are not felt by our kind. It arises from a lack of control. The “bad” behaviour that will arise at some point is lurking beneath the surface and like a cat fighting to get out of a sack, it is always wanting to make an appearance but is prevented from doing so by the maintenance of the mask that is worn. Occasionally, through the loss of control – it may be drink, it may be fatigue, it may be through inattention – what lurks beneath makes a brief and fleeting appearance before the control is exerted once again. Here are fifteen portentous show and tells of our kind. Should you ever hear these comments you ought to pay heed to the warning that you are being given.

  1. I am a bad person really.
  2. I will only hurt you.
  3. You should stay away from me.
  4. I do bad things. I cannot help it. I always do.
  5. I will make you wish you had never met me.
  6. It will go wrong, it always does.
  7. You will end up hating me.
  8. You don’t know what you are getting into with me.
  9. You shouldn’t do this.
  10. You should leave while you can.
  11. This is going to turn out badly.
  12. I have to hurt people.
  13. I don’t want to hurt you, but I will.
  14. I just want to fit in.
  15. I’m not what you think I am.

56 thoughts on “A Glimpse of the Future

  1. Empress1 says:

    IPPS– is the worst indeed!!!!

  2. Ms Somebody says:

    I’ve only just found my way here. I can’t remember that my ex would have said any of them but he was holding his mask so tight. Have you got a list of warning sentences as for the Greater ones? Or would they claim exactly the opposite things such as “I’m a very nice man”, ” I will never hurt you:” etc like he used to do? After all, his toxic mindset did become very obvious in many occasions.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      As per the article, these may be used by all schools, it is the basis on which they are leaked which differs.

    2. geyserempath says:

      H – I haven’t managed to go NC yet. His mom and I still go shopping once a week and I am invited over for dinners once a month or so. HG identified me as a shelved IPSS.

      1. H. says:

        Are you working at going no contact?

        I think I was all of them at one time.

        The most terrible of them all was being his primary source.

        Get out if you can, it does not get better, only worse.

    3. candleglow2 says:

      I have just found my way here too Ms Somebody ..been reading posts of HG for a while ..and I was always told by my Narc “I’m a very nice person ” .. makes me laugh now!!

  3. Echo says:

    HG-

    Perhaps it would be better to wait until a more pertinent post shows up for this comment, but…I didn’t feel like waiting. And so.

    Because a huge part of this website revolves around the point that narcissists cannot love…how do we define love? I think we need a rigid and narrow definition-one that anybody can look at and say (if only to themselves and perhaps their internet forum community under a fake name) whether they have felt it or not.

    Because so often accusations fly (and definitely not just here on this website) without fully clarifying what it is even being spoken about. Narcissists can’t love. Psychopaths/sociopaths can’t, schizoids can’t, borderlines either can or can’t depending on who you’re talking to, “Echo you can’t and I’m pretty sure you’d save your laptop first if both it and I were in danger”…etc.

    1. Echo says:

      Plus defining it would eliminate a lot of the confusion as to whether narcissists actually love themselves and whether they love the people in what you call elongated golden periods. What differentiates these relationships from “genuine” love?

  4. Bibi says:

    Some of the sayings I have been told by various schools of narcissists:

    1) I am an asshole
    2) I am unable to commit in a relationship
    3) Anyone would have known you’d get hurt
    4) I am a hedonist. I do as I please
    5) I like making people feel stupid
    6) Don’t think I wouldn’t know how to hurt you.
    7) I know what I do is selfish
    8) You don’t really know me
    9) I don’t make anyone feel inferior. They just are.
    10) A am a fucked up individual.

    1. geyserempath says:

      Bibi, mine told me he was set in his ways, and would never live with a woman or marry one. They truly cannot commit.

      1. Kimi says:

        GeyserEmpath,

        I was with my Nex-husband for 16 years and he is with his 2nd wife for about as long. Some can commit, but being faithful is not possible for gathering the fuel they need.

        My last Narc told me he would never marry again. I now realize that his relationships typically only last a few months, but he does Hoover and recommence the relationships.

      2. H. says:

        That was fortunate for you. Can you imagine what you could of gone through?

        1. geyserempath says:

          H- I know and I had wanted to marry him so much. I now know that was delusional of me.

          1. H. says:

            I’m sorry, how long has it been that you have been no contact?

  5. Phoenix says:

    One told me ” I’m a greatest narcissist” after a few drinks.” Of course, I was shocked. Another time, he said “I will ruin you. ” He let me know right away what kind of a person he was. He denied saying these things. Said I was crazy and tried to gaslight me. I left right away after that. I heard enough.

    1. Jasmine says:

      Wow Phoenix. Perhaps he’s a follower here?

  6. Mara says:

    To me, these slips such as “I am a bad person really.” indicate that there is some* self-awareness, however minuscule, with respect to their behavior and its effect on people.

    In my case, however, although I was indeed warned and I remembered the warning only when it was way too late, the warning did not indicate any self-awareness unlike these examples.

    He said early on: “Can you believe that X says I am abusive? Isn’t that absurd?”

    I of course wholeheartedly agreed back then. Boy, was I proven dead wrong.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Greaters have awareness but we are unconcerned by its impact. Mid Rangers have awareness and recognise in certain instances the impact of their behaviour but they will never accept culpability for it (any such admission is a manipulation). Lessers just do not see it.

      1. Mara says:

        Thank you, HG

      2. Somewhere over the rainbow says:

        What did “difficult to live with”-self description meant on the online dating site profile, apart from the half naked body in the profile photo? Curious, because I found both audacious…

    2. Jasmine says:

      Mara said: “Can you believe that X says I am abusive? Isn’t that absurd?”

      Mine brought up narcissism. He told me his ex said he was a narcissist. I, not knowing the meaning behind it, and following his lead, agreed that he wasn’t narcissistic at all. SMH

      I later came to find out he had been dx’ed years ago, and the REAL meaning behind it.

  7. Catherine says:

    Mine slipped early on; he sometimes had problems keeping up his façade when drinking and he told me that he could be really nasty to people who crossed him. I also remember that he told me that for once in his life he wanted to have a completely honest and truthful relationship; I used to think others had been untrue and dishonest to him. Then he proceeded to act as the pathological liar he is; he lied about everything, small things that had no meaning or importance at all, but it kept me on my toes thinking I must be imagining the whole thing since he hated lies so much. Anything to confuse me and leave me without a clue as to what was going on.

    1. Jasmine says:

      Catherine,
      Your ex sounds a lot like mine. I think mine was MRVN, but his drinking seriously impaired his function. When he drank, he acted like a lesser victim.

      1. Catherine says:

        Yes, I think mine was an Upper Lesser because of his agression. He used to drink a lot too unfortunately and it made him into a monster.

        1. Jasmine says:

          Catherine,

          “Monster” is a perfect description. I’ve used it often. 😞

    2. K says:

      “Anything to confuse me and leave me without a clue as to what was going on.”

      I use mnemonics to teach my 7-year-old: Lies = FCC

      Lies = Fuel + Confusion (to keep you in situ) + Control (you stay put and keep providing fuel)

    3. H. says:

      I got the same sales pitch…He wanted to be 100% honest with me. I bought it like 50 times. I so much wanted to believe it to be true.

      1. Jasmine says:

        Yep. I got it too. Fell for it hook line and sinker

        1. H. says:

          I asked HG…how did this happen? Why did I believe over and over someone who has lied so much He explained it to me; in my words; that the emotional portion of the brain becomes addicted to all the good stuff…and that it overrides the brain’s logical thinking about the bad stuff that was experienced. . And that the emotional thought processes then begin to function in an addictive mode….This explanation helped me understand my inability to no “no contact”…

          1. Jasmine says:

            H,
            Oh absolutely! We become as addicted to them as they are towards us. In any “normal” relationship, there would be dopamine and oxytocin “addictions” to overcome also. With the narcissist it’s even worse!

          2. H. says:

            That’s how I felt. It was crazy making wasn’t it?

            I’m finally to the point where I don’t replay things constantly. I am getting patches of normal not obsessive thoughts of the past. Yesterday I noticed that I had gone thought free for almost the entire afternoon. I can’t remember the last time it was like that (well 6 years ago before I entangled myself)

            The anxiety I was experiencing is all gone.

            I am sure I would not be normalizing so fast if I hadn’t talked to HG.

            Jasmine, how much time are you into recovery/normalization?

          3. Jasmine says:

            H,
            6 years? Oh my. Has it taken that long in recovery, or was your relationship longer?
            I’ve only been out 4 months but our entanglement lasted about 1.5 yrs. Short and volatile. The anxiety is subsiding, but I still have a ways to go.

          4. H. says:

            Yea 6 years…but it was on-off type thing. I don’t know if I was discarded or I escaped. I left myself open to hoovers because going no-contact seemed impossible. Not anymore….

            Did you live with your ex?

          5. Jasmine says:

            H,
            That’s right… you said earlier you are 2mos nc? Sorry, my memory is bad.. lol so I stick to the truth. Easier to remember!
            Yes, we lived together. Did you? That’s when he changed..almost 2 months exactly (my first experience with *the mask drop*)
            I’m not certain the difference between discarding and escaping, my escapes were very literal. There’s probably a blog entry on that.

          6. H. says:

            well, there have been so many no contact attempts….this one is the most successful and it will soon be 4 weeks. This time is definitely different, I’m sure I won’t sabotage myself this time.

          7. Jasmine says:

            H, so early yet, but it can be done. My mother suggested something to me, when she saw me struggling with my feelings over holidays… find your anger.
            It helps me, to remember the wrong, so that I can get stronger, and untangle myself from the grip he had on my heart, my head, my life! Ha!

          8. H. says:

            On on my way to success. Going on a month now. I am sure I won’t open myself up to a hoover. Thanks for the encouragement.

          9. Jasmine says:

            Yep! Tie up those no contact strings, button up those snaps and come here if you are drowning in emotion. That’s what I do! It’s safer AND you can learn. Wins all around. Xx

          10. H. says:

            I promised myself, if I get the slightest urge to unbutton that I would once again with HG. There is no going back for me.

            I like it here. Its comforting in some odd way. Right? Fellow warriors.

  8. Elsa says:

    Finally I understand what Maya Angelou meant when she told Oprah: “If somebody tells you who they really are, you had better believe them the first time.” She was talking about narcissists …

  9. PureSoul says:

    i found this contradicting.

    HG are you referring to the Lesser and the Midrange who’d say those things, right? because a greater would never say that , his opinion of himself it is too grandiose as he considers himself the magnificient and great one.

    The greater most likely say other shocking things to test our emphaty…

    Even when he does hurt the greater would never say those things.
    but he would say sorry and ask forgiveness if that is necessary to keep the victim under his control.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      No. The Greater would say these things as tests and would deliberately do so to gauge the reaction of the victim. It is part of our brilliance to be able to tell you one of these things and you overlook it, dismiss it or disagree with it. We know what we are and do not care that with tell you this because we expect you to brush it to one side, as explained.
      With the Lesser or Mid-Range if these things are said, they ‘slip out’ as opposed to being a calculated comment.

      1. PureSoul says:

        I have no doubt that the person i am engaged with is a greater narcissist but never said that of himself.

        But he said other shocking things in the early days of his seduction to test how far he could go with me .

        For example this is one:
        “i am obsessed with your daughter… ”

        (although she lives in another country) and that it wasn’t the only red flag, but i dismissed it as just odd.

  10. raine turner says:

    It is true- life goes from black and white to technicolour with these people— and living a grey life after does seem so boring……but peaceful!

  11. Jasmine says:

    I received the warnings, but most times he would tell me to let him know if he started to slip. Of course, by that point he didn’t want to hear it. I guess he never really wanted to hear it. It was just a line..

  12. gabbanzobean says:

    I heard #1.
    I heard #3 but a variation (“you need to be rid of me”)…

    Finally, I heard a slight variation of #9.

    “Are you sure you want to do this?” (i.e. meeting him, having a relationship with him, etc.)

    In regard to the variation on #9, it now seems like he was “testing” me, asking me, like he knew how it was going to go. Yet he still does not know what he is or why he is that way.

  13. Insatiable Learner says:

    HG, I do not really recall the narc who is a middle mid ranger day anything like this to me. The only close I think I heard him say is that he and his IPPS when they first started dating spent a lot of time together and that perhaps they may end up hating each other. They are still together. Is this because I was a secondary source which is why he did not tell me any of these warnings?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Not all will say these things. In your case it evidently did not occur.

      1. Insatiable Learner says:

        Thank you, HG!

  14. Katie says:

    Yes, I received the warning several times. It came in the form of ,”I’m not a very nice person” and “no one can ever make me happy. ” I find it terribly sad that his inner voice tells him that and he believes.

    Part of me wishes I had listened to his warning and part of me loved the craziness of our relationship. I wonder what that says about me?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      It says you are a typical victim of our kind.

      1. Katie says:

        His response to my frustration is “I told you I wasn’t a nice person.” It was as if because I was warned, how dare I complain?

        I actually just told him I thought he was a narcissist during a “discussion” , his response was “I am a narcissist.” How often does that happen? Im nervous now. I never anticipated that.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          I doubt he really believes that. He is just saying that to (a) trouble you; and (b) to remove the sting from your attack against him.

  15. geyserempath says:

    7 seems to be my number with these posts. Early in the seduction period, I suggested we move in together and he replied “you couldn’t live with me, you’d end up hating me.” Another slip of the mask came later when we were going out later that evening and early in the day I came over to take his mom out shopping. I asked if he wanted to go with us and he said “I’ll see enough of you later.” Huge red flag.

  16. K says:

    The song Demons by Imagine Dragons could be construed as a narcissist warning his prey.

    Don’t get too close
    It’s dark inside
    It’s where my demons hide
    It’s where my demons hide

    1. blackunicorn123 says:

      The lyric from River by Eminem/Sheeran could also be a reference to a Narc in action. It’s everywhere!! Argh! 😂

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