Own

own

I want to own you.

I want to draw you into my world. A world where my rules are the only rules that matter. When I first set eyes on you I make it my business to ascertain your suitability for ownership. You might only be owned in the sense of being a tertiary source which I interact with the once, but in that moment, I own you and I own the fuel that flows from you.

I wish to brand you as my property. My appliance. My plaything. I own you and this means that nobody else does. I have exclusive rights.

I may designate you the role of secondary source, should you make the grade and you become mine, subject to the unwritten contract that governs you and I. You are to be loyal, obedient, compliant and a provider of fuel.

If you are to be my primary source, that coveted position of supplier-in-chief of the most precious and desired fuel then you also must be owned. You must be subjected to my total and hegemonic control. Once I decide that you are the one, I will not stop. Once that light has turned green, once the first tantalising drops of your fuel have begun to be sucked up by me, there is no hope for anything else.

You must be mine. I must own you.

You at first think that I look on you with love-lorn eyes. Indeed I do as I turn my precious orbs into the mirrors which give you what you want to see. Behind their silvery gaze, my machined machinations are forming. I am absorbing how you smile, how your wrinkle your nose, how you play with your hair on the left hand side of your head, never the right. I listen to the way you say ‘scone’ – do you say it so it rhymes with tone or with gone? Every word that will come from your mouth will belong to me. I want to know everything about you. Every facet of your life must now belong to me. When my hand touches you and you feel that jolt of electricity between you and me, that is my connection with you as I begin to download your life.

It is true that I have already screened you, probed your life from a distance, made enquiries and observed before launching my take-over bid. I have done my homework but now I want to dominate, conquer and subsume. I must envelop you in my world for then I can be sure that you will respond as I require. Loyal, reliable and functional.

Steadily I drain your identity from you, consuming it for my own use. This is part of the process of owning you. I know no boundaries, I see no limits, I recognise no restraint. I have decided that you are to belong to me and thus this is what must happen with the steady and incremental accumulation of what you are. I am plugged into you, the ultimate parasite which sucks the life from you. Your money becomes my money, your house becomes my house, your friends become my appliances. There is no real me. There is no substance and thus I must steal what you are in order to give the appearance of substance.

The only way I understand to do this is to own you. Make you part of the fabricated world that I have woven. This dazzling fiction fools so readily and as I part the curtain and beckon you in to my wonder land, you accept and once inside you become mine. The real world is left behind. The real world of rules, standards, procedures and fairness is no longer applicable to you. I own you now and as a consequence you are subject to my capricious nature, the arbitrary application of my diktats and pronouncements. None of it will make any sense to you when you start to realise what it happening but it will be too late by then. Your assimilation into me will be so far gone that you may just well scream and the only voice you will hear will be mine.

My ownership means I tell you who to speak to and who to ignore. My ownership means that dress is wrong and that one is right until it is the other way around. Yesterday is tomorrow which becomes today. You think Josef K endured the Kafkaesque nightmare of nothing making sense? You ain’t seen nothing yet.

I must control everything. My space, time and the environment around you. This is why to you I seem to operate as if I have no concept of time, but that is because I do not operate to Greenwich Mean Time but rather Being Mean Time. I compartmentalise, shifting between worlds which must never connect, where the players and actors inside of them move to my direction. They dance to the tune that my invisible piper plays. I must not leave anything to chance. I do not like chance. It is the ruin of me. I want predictable and eventually you will come to realise that there are few who are as predictable as my kind. We bring excitement, we bring chaos, we bring drama but it is all so predictable. The same manipulations, just variations on a theme. Some of us have more strings to our dark cupid’s bow, but the poisoned arrows we fire all have the same effects. Control and fuel.

It is only by ensuring that we own you that we can be assured and convinced that you will do as we want you to, that you will not be disloyal or a traitor to us. We must plug you in to us and like some giant leech suck the very essence from you, taking your fuel, your confidence, your self-worth, your self-esteem and stripping you of them to ensure there is compliance and obedience.

I want to own so that I know I will win. I want to own you so I can exist.

I want to own you so that everything you do is as consequence of my decisions and my actions which ensure you provide me with my lifeblood whenever I demand it. You are on call and on demand, my primary source of salvation, the reason for my existence and I dare not allow the slightest chink of autonomy for fear of losing that control.

I want to own you to underline my superiority. I want to own you to remind myself that I am powerful. I want to own you so that it is repeatedly highlighted that I am the controller.

I want to own you to stop being the slave that I am.

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38 thoughts on “Own”

  1. That was so helpful to hear so many of you talking about the booth sitting thing! I had no idea that this happened to other people! I didn’t know what to make of it when it happened to me, and when it happened again with another guy, I got even more confused but decided maybe it wasn’t as weird as my instincts had been telling me?? One of those two also did the tracking my whereabouts with my phone, as well as who I was talking to. Again, I didn’t know that this happened to others. Thank you!! I didn’t do anything to make them feel insecure or behave in an untrustworthy way. Plus, I was not wanting to leave..

    1. Wow, Kate. I’m pretty surprised that others relate to my booth question… guess it just goes to show how the wiring/strategies/methods are similar.

      If you think about it, if one of your sole aims is to control another human being, it’s going to be on display in almost every interaction, in countless ways. When I recently (and foolishly) attempted to be friends with my ex (this time, fully aware he’s a narcissist), I saw the narcissistic aspects in ways I totally missed before… it was an eye-opener. For one thing, he likes verbally sparring with me (a nice way to say arguing). I used to think he rather hated it when we argued. But this time around, I could really hear it in his voice and his responses — he actually likes it. It fuels him. And because I’m not one to back down in this regard, I can see why this (and our making up) worked out nicely for his fuel purposes.

  2. Well, thank you extra much, HG!

    The fact that you said “He may well have looked after the puppy” makes me so very (cartwheels) happy…I thought you were gonna say that he likely kicked the puppy whenever he was mad at me. So…

    Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! (I know how you narcissists like credit + exclamation points… yeah, you’re welcome… I’m just tertiary, but I do what I can for narcissists who help me).

    But you are…rrrr….rrrr…rrr…right. It was not a romantic gesture, on his part. It was done for fuel. And he got plenty of fuel from it. I was all grateful + Kissy-Kissy toward him.

    Ugh. That now irritates me. *_*

      1. “Good Golly London Bridge,” HG!… You remind me a little *too much* of *my* narcissist. Dang…. you are a little bit (sniff, sniff) unduly harsh. You giveth…and you taken away. 🙁

        The last thing I said (prior to NC) to the narcissist was: “I swear to God, if you come here, I will strangle you with my bare hands.”

        He calmly said: “All I heard was the word bare.”

        I ignored that and hung up on him… but I did laugh. Damn him!

        If you had to place bets ($$$$$), who wins this narcissistic/empath battle?
        A) Caroline
        B) Caroline
        C) A and B

      2. I was just teasing, Jasmine. 😉

        And HG should correct me on stuff like that anyway… or I get too Pollyanna-like/ignore unpleasant realities. Sometimes I hear what I *want* to hear, instead of what I *should* have heard. But pretending there is something good/beneficial where there is not doesn’t help me.

        Still learning.

      3. Whew. Most excellent Caroline ❤❤ (I really didnt want to give back my hugs and kisses!!) Reading your comments makes me giggle. HG’s comeback was quite funny .. had to give the king his props too 👍
        And nothing wrong with a little Pollyanna.. helps me get through the day 🌞 Here’s to a sunshiney day for us ALL.

  3. HG,
    Random question, please:
    – In a dating relationship, does it make sense to you that a narcissist (in particular) would always insist his girlfriend sit right next to him at a restaurant table, instead of across from him? (like if the seating is booths)? If so, what is the point of this? Ownership? Easy way to steal food (lol)?

      1. My Nex-husband did this from our very first date. I thought it was so sweet that he wanted to sit next to me. Lol! 🙄 I also always got the inside seat at movies, shows, etc… and he liked to drive me. Never realized it was about control until now! Revealing question!

      2. Kimi,
        The more I take in HG’s info, the more my past starts to percolate… and the more that I realize (it’s like I have to bring it up from a subconscious level). Some of what I realize now is shocking. Some of it is kinda funny, even if the subject is narcissism…I probably find some things funny that others would not.

        But the physical aspect of WHERE I WAS seems to have been a pretty big deal to my ex-BF. He was always paying attention to my exact location, especially in relationship to him. I had to practically sit on top of him when he drove us anywhere (almost like he thought I’d open up my door and jump out)… and I had to sit right next to him, anywhere else we were. If someone tried to sit between us, he’d flip out. And if I was ever not exactly where I said I would be, he’d get unreasonably pissed. We argued a lot. I’m not good at backing down. I also like to have the last word…

        Really!
        I do!
        It’s true!
        Word!

        😉

        Anyway, this tight control over me is what led me to leave the narcissist…I just could not breathe anymore.

      3. Yes! If I wasn’t within arm’s reach, he would rearrange the chairs!. He actually used his arm to measure. Lol.. insane how many things I can relate to. Boggles my mind.

      4. Yeah, screw that! (My sense of freeeeeeeeedom saved me. For real, sister).

        Kisses and hugs, Jasmine… and I don’t play with kisses and hugs.

      5. Thanks, HG… that penned-in girl in booths was me – but no more!:-) It’s funny how so many past “romantic” things I can recall with the narcissist were actually about control. Ok, it’s more sad than anything.

        However, I still choose to believe his buying me an adorable Christmas puppy + taking care of it while I was away at college was romantic… so please don’t tell me he forgot to feed the puppy half the time (or worse). Some things I just really don’t want to know. Let me live in the sparkly “World of Fairies and Mermaids” — with this one warm-puppy thing.

        -GOSO 2 (because GOSO 1 was practice?)
        -NC (every which way I can)

      6. He may well have looked after the puppy but it was not done in the name of romance.

    1. Caroline,

      I understand the percolating reference! I’m reflecting on a relationship that I went GOSO over 15 years ago with my Nex-husband. I ended the relationship due to a variety of abuse, but did not realize he was a Narcissist until recently.

      Many of the endearing behaviors I now realize were designed to control or dominate me, especially in the physical aspect. He held my hand often, even while driving which I found totally charming; I was always seated on the inside with him nearest the exit, he slept on my side of the bed and touching me… never put it together until your comment and HG’s reply!

      My last Narc tracked me throughout the day by my phone location, but then decided I could be lying about who I was with… wanted photos and then didn’t trust those. So I stopped sharing my location! Physically or remotely, it’s all about domination and control!

      I hope your puppy grew up to be a big healthy dog!

      1. I’m glad getting an answer to my question helped your understanding too, Kimi… for me, understanding all these aspects helps. When I was dating my ex, I remember often thinking, “Why does do this? I’m loyal and honest with him. Why does he have to be this way?”

        The answer was simply that he *had* to. It’s sad, but I can accept this now.

        And you’ll be happy to know that the cute little pup grew up to be a healthy, loving, beautiful, bright dog – an empath, for sure.

  4. Having raised one boy as his only parent, he never wanted me to leave him and when I went out, he would call and want to know where I was and when I would be back. Men are little boys in grown bodies and need reassurance, too. These guys take this need and make it sick. Domination and control is unnecessary when you know the person loves you and isn’t going anywhere!

  5. HG. You mention certain details that I’m extremely curious about, specifically when you said “how you wrinkle your nose, how you play with your hair on the left hand side of your head, never the right..” are those examples from your personal experience with someone in your past or are those examples of what someone else who is like you has told you??
    If you are able to respond, I’ll tell you why I ask I just don’t want to continue the convo if you’re unable to discuss it. I’m a bit blown away by such a descriptive example (for obvious reasons I’m sure right) so I’d like to hear your thoughts. Thank you

  6. My ex narc husband told me my ‘evil’ predecessor would say the relationship would only be over when she deemed it so. I think it’s important to think logically when meeting new people and question to yourself if they are talking about themselves. That is, if you are able to get the space to hear your own thoughts during the love bombing. Like in the movie “The Gaslight”, when Paula goes on the train somewhere to get some time to think, the narc is already waiting on the platform upon her arrival to love bomb her. I’m sure there’s a literary term for that pivotal moment meaning had she stood her ground in that moment, events would not have played out as they did. I often see those moments when I reflect back now with logic.

  7. “I want to own you to stop being the slave that I am.” HG Tudor

    “Knowing others is intelligence;
    knowing yourself is true wisdom.
    Mastering others is strength;
    mastering yourself is true power.”
    Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching

    You only have one left to “achieve”.

  8. If you read or watch a fictional love story, phrases like: «He stole my heart» or «she captured my heart» are often said.
    I have never liked such phrases, and because I have had narcissistic relationships, I now know why:

    My heart is not for anyone to take, it is for me to give away.

    1. I agree. However, women have been fed Disney Movies and romantic novels for generations. The concept of a whirlwind relationship- falling madly in love at first sight mesmerizes many of us. I have never had that until my narc, and honestly still ask the universe to send me a whirlwind relationship- a true love– it is exciting and marvelous. So, perhaps in many ways we are also responsible for this ‘fairytale’ we get wrapped up in. Yes, I would love to have a real fairytale — a real one where prince charming does not turn into a toad!

  9. Claiming ownership of another human being is scary, but in some way we all do it in a relationship; love shouldn’t be about owning; somehow it turns out that way lots of times anyway. But what I found scary with my narcissist was something more than owning; it was as if he wanted to immerse me into him, as if he wanted to consume me. I used to think that was what passion is all about; now I know it wasn’t passion. The last night I saw him he literally in a fury tried to eat my cheek like some freaky cannibal. He bit me in the face, grinding his teeth into my skin like a vampire. This part of the physical abuse is the one I still have the most difficulty with. The consuming part.

    1. Catherine, oh honey. That sounds horrific. *hugs 💞 I hope you’ve gotten some help. Therapy .. something .. anything. The physical abuse is so shattering, especially when it comes from the One we trust to keep us safe. Xx

      1. Thanks Jasmine, I agree, physical abuse is shattering, I haven’t been thinking that much about it because I found the emotional abuse much worse somehow, but yes, devastating. I’m in therapy and I’m getting help so I’m much stronger now, but you’re right; it’s that part about being violated by the person that was supposed to protect you from all harm that’s really painful. Hugs to you!

  10. Hg,
    “There is no substance” – I don’t understand this. You are a person. You have had your own experiences – this is your life, not someone else’s. All the memories you have lived will not fade if you are no longer in contact with others, so how can all that you know, and have lived, go away?

    Control. is. Illusory. Did you know that with all your charm you “incentivise” people to do as you wish, so then why be mean? It’s like these businesses that actually discover they have better productivity when their employees are happy…

  11. Why are damaged people an attractive trait? Wouldn’t that appliance already have an owner? How does the narcissist view exes in general?

  12. Talking to text in that last one …- I was trying to say I am organizing my thoughts before I engage you with an…email consultation-

  13. HG- does a narcissist have to adjust their strategy when dealing with “bigger prey” ? Like extend the golden period?? I was pretty passive- non confrontational-and knew something was amiss early on- but I empathed -(persisted).
    The new supply is much more “assertive “ and I will admit- she’s more accomplished than me and BUSY in wordly terms(money, career, own home business, elderly parents) so I am kinda surprised this new victim will tolerate her lack of sanity and games. (My ex narc has strings of failed jobs but maintains the mask (barely)
    I’m planning an email consultation with you but I am trying to be nice my thoughts which this pathology really ignites many many thoughts.
    Cheers.

  14. Yes, this post sums up everything for me, in regard to the overall nature of my previous relationship with the narcissist + how he (as yet) shows no signs of giving up, in attempting to re-install me as his IPPS. He’s pulling out a whole new bag of tricks. It’d be slightly entertaining, if it wasn’t so irritatingly invasive to me.

    My choices?
    A) Submit. (Uh…say what?)
    B) Keep NC firm in all the ways I can… and deal with his intermittent physical returns when they happen. (Hello, disturbing Lifetime movie-of-the-week?…Nah, I’ll be fine… I’ve successfully dodged one surprise visit already).

    Option B, all the way.

    I’m NOT okay with anyone feeling they own me.< thinking that no human being really needs that clarified. *_*

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