The Narcissist’s Social Media Laws – No. 6

soc med 6

This is not a meme – it is the truth

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31 thoughts on “The Narcissist’s Social Media Laws – No. 6”

  1. HG, does this provide thought fuel or challenge fuel?
    When we know this is a lie and they know we know.

    Does it enrage them for us not to argue the point ?
    But, simply ask, were you online and when they lie and say no.
    We say nothing.

  2. @narc affair: I am sorry. It’s such a twisted dynamic. Not fair at all.

    @ Nina: Sounds familiar again.

  3. And what about when the Narc is mad because your chat was never on?

    The first mistake I ever made with the Narc was to break my own person NO INTERNET CHAT RULE with anyone! I ‘got in trouble’ about 15 years before with computer chatting (befroe social media even) and I made some rules… turn off the computer and go and live. So when I first joined FB, I had not real interest in social media. I had my chat off. I had joined as I needed to learn how to use it for work but I never used it. When I went to see the Narc, even after he was so awful to me, he made a comment the night I left about my chat being off. He was pissed. Of course, about 40 minutes later, he was telling me how we only started chatting because he was bored and I was the only one online. (queue discard, diminisment behaviors). But I always thought why even bring it up if you then say we only chatted out of your boredom?

    So when I got back and things were souring really badly, I used to try so hard to turn off my chat and leave him wondering. Thinking, well, if it bothered him before, surely it will bother him again. Anything to try to regain some sense of control. I started to hate my life, starting for some stupid lit up green pixels on a freaking computer screen. I felt like I was some animal in a lab experiment.

    How I would have saved myself alot of anguish if I hadn’t gotten caught up in it all and broke my rule. My rule was if you can’t speak to me “publicly” then we don’t need to talk. And he and I never did speack “publicly”. Just one big secret but then, that’s how alot of his secrets ended up. I found out about lots of women he was messing with, and none of them engaged with them online.

    You have to be really strong in life. Either you train THEM or they train you.

  4. Right. He says that he was busy working but I catch him being online ALL the time. Oh you can go on there but not text your girlfriend. I never said anything to him but now thinking about it, just makes me mad and sad.

  5. Oh all the games. For silly reasons too, because I could care less if he was online or not. He would tell me how tired he was and going to sleep. Then I would see him online 20 minutes later. I never called him out on it but that’s when the erosion of trust began.

    1. @Nina

      I find your comment both sad and hilarious because “my one” used to do the exact same thing. Except I would confront him about it.
      That never got me anywhere though.
      Endless lies, big ones and small ones.
      What makes it extra “hilarious” is that from the very beginning, all I asked from him was to be honest with me, and not play any games.
      I’m sure this will give you a good chuckle, HG.

      1. I sad the very same thing to my narc to not play mind games bc thats what had happened to me before. Thats what hes done over the years.

      2. Hurt&Confused,
        I sensed early on that he probably wouldn’t have answered had I asked, so I didn’t even bother. He had a habit of responding to only questions he liked, and complete silence otherwise.

    1. It’s such minimal effort on their part with an intense effect on our mental state. Totally not fair. They don’t do fair.

    2. Narc affair,Nina, they are so often caught lying which proves they want to be caught. It took me some time to realise it-at the beginning I thought I was such a great detective, haha! But almost everything they do is deliberate.

  6. Lol this one made me laugh! Why? Bc this was one reason my narc and i broke up. Messenger was our way of communicating when we couldnt talk by phone or meet up and he lied about being away and not being able to chat. He of course left me msgs but he was clearly online. It was christmas morning and i was upset why hed said he was at his brothers and would msg me yet was on messenger chatting to who knows who. I even wondered if he really was at his brothers. I called him out on it and of course he was there online and played dumb. I told him never to contact me again. Looking back now i have a feeling it was deliberate. This was before i knew about narcissism or the tactics. I think he wanted me to see him online for negative fuel. Probably bc he was envious of the fact id be enjoying my day and also to see how much of a reaction he could get from me. The early days of our relationship there were more mind games bc he was insecure over whether id stay the course. As well maybe i wasnt as secure a supply source. He was constantly amping up the mind games. Messenger was one he liked to use. I started to hate the whole “status” game so much so i would uninstall my app until i wanted to msg him. Its a complete mind F!

    1. Yes now looking back, I think it was deliberate too. To gain fuel, from me seeing he was online and knowing he had lied.

      1. Hi nina…yes they do sometimes orchastrate the scenerio so you know theyre lying and its to create insecurity. Insecurity to draw more negative attention from you and see how much you care. Its so twisted.

    2. HG, am I getting it right? Is it a provision of fuel? or something more? Perhaps to warn us that they are not entirely honest.

      1. You cannot trust software to be correct. One day my friend’s Skype showed my mother as active and at the same time my Skype showed her as being away. Later mom confirmed that she was in fact away at that moment we checked her status.

      2. I do agree with this to some extent. I had a friend from a different time zone tell me i was on at 2 am briefly then offline then back on at 3 am. This really freaked me out bc i was sleeping. I had wondered if my acct was hacked ir my hubby got on my phone but ive heard similiar stories.

      3. And if one leaves the app open on let’s say a PC at home, then leaves…..now they could check periodically on another device and you would never know if they were coming or going.
        I see this more so being done when speaking with another and being kept hidden.

  7. Spot on, HG.
    I used to catch him out all the time. So frustrating. Grrr! 😡

  8. My MMRN learned that this is clearly not the case. His iPhone 7 was spiked on cement. I’m not proud….but you can’t bullshit me.. The green “active” light on fb doesn’t lie…

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