Sex and the Narcissist

No holds barred and no strings attached

The only unnatural sex act is that which you cannot perform

Read about how the narcissist views and uses sex and how you are central in that

US e-book here

UK e-book here

CAN e-book here

AUS e-book here

Also available in paperback on Amazon

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23 thoughts on “Sex and the Narcissist”

  1. Bibi,

    That’s the sweetest apology. You know HG’s humor…I thought it was funny, but I’m Lutheran (lol, those Lutherans).

    A nun taught me how to play a musical instrument (beginning at age 5) that I still play today. She sat behind me and my Mom when we saw a musical, and she tapped my Mom on the shoulder at intermission and told her that she could tell I was musical and that she’d love to teach me.

    I thought she was the sweetest, smartest woman. I was in awe of her. But in the middle of the first lesson, I stopped playing, and I just sat, with tears, shaking my head. She out her hand on top of my head and softly asked, “What’s the matter?”

    I said, “It doesn’t sound good.”

    She said, “Well, it’s going to! It’s going to sound just beautiful one day.”

    I adored her.

  2. One of the questions on the vid had me thinking who is to blame ultimately how we view sex in this fairytale image? Also if its hollywood are the ones spinning this image narcs as well thatd be a big yes! Its what sells and what “we” want so they give it to us to get their millions.
    In the end its the narcs fault bc they ultimately use this unrealistic fairytale to lure us in and use us to get what they want. Its an unhealthy lie.
    That being said we do fall for this and expect too much. Romance novels are the worst bc they set up high expectations and its not true to form in real life. As said in the beginning in real relationships the sex component eventually slows down and isnt supposed to keep up the pace it was in the beginning. That sets up for disappointment. Thats where its important for communication in a relationship so both people can express their needs and work on satisfying them to the best of their ability. This in itself is a huge red flag youre with a narcissist if either you cant properly communicate with them or you do but they fail to work on what youve discussed and revert back to their old ways.
    I put the image of what sex should be ultimately on narcissists. They formed the way we look at it and use it as a tool to control for money and fuel. We grow up thinking this is what we want instead of what is healthy and sustains a relationship. Sex with love and honesty is what is real. Flaws and acceptance is real. Infatuation driven love is fake and its sex fake as well. Sadly we buy into it and are taken in and let down. Infatuation the narcissists feed us which is their version of love not ours.

    1. I’ve read a brilliant article years ago, where the writer compared sex in a committed relationship to the daily shower – it’s nothing special, always pretty much the same, but we don’t expect it to be any different or for each subsequent shower to be more bombastic than the last. We like it the way it is, as a familiar pleasure. Ocassionally we may treat ourselves to a luscious bath, but we keep returning to the daily shower.

      I found that to be the perfect attitude to sex and have never had issues with it in relationships. Except with the narc, of course. He kept promising delicious stuff and then witholding it. Which was the best thing that could happen, ultimately, because he didn’t “ruin” normal sex for me, I actually came to cherish it much more than those over-the-top experiences I had in the golden period with him.

    2. But what are -your- desires motivated by?

      In all socieites there’s moral norms and pressures to participate and belong and a social predator uses ‘available-existing dynamics and situations’—to their advantage. I am not falling for narcissists because Hollywood + seduction skills, alone, i’m falling for them because they mirror patterns of early abuse i went through and seem to provide the fantasy (freedom to be myself) and intensity (relief) that i crave, at least, initially.

    3. Narc Affair

      Yes to them the infatuation is love. Omg this last Narc completely infatuated with me. I kept telling himit was t real. They are addicted to that adrenaline rush from new supply

  3. I have this book and will read it. I had a listen to your utube on this subject this morning and itll be a good reminder when needed.
    I have to say going from an asexual situation to an oversexed fake situation im drained. You become almost apathetic and are numb. Sex is too much trouble. This vid definitely deflates any romantic notions one has as far as sex with narcissists.
    The book will probably finish me off. I think ill become a nun 😄

      1. Lol i could see a narcissist even seducing a nun 😄 nothings off limits!

      2. HG

        Out to corrupt the incorruptible?
        Then again everyone has a price….it is a matter of finding

      3. Making a woman (the nun) “leave God” for him (or at least “cheat on God”), must be a good dose of fuel for the narc.

    1. Narc Affair, sex may stop if you become a nun, but the mind fuckering will continue in the convent with the narc nuns. I know some of them, they are not heaven sent at all. 😂

      1. Hi lou…i know there can be narcs in the church as well nuns included. My mum spent part of her childhood in a convent and a few were abusive. I dont blame the religion i blame the person.

    2. “I have to say going from an asexual situation to an oversexed fake situation im drained.”

      —are these your own states of desire or your partner'(s) or dynamics?

      A nun = the passionate feminine, marginalised by the patriarchy (!)
      Casanova = fuckboy narcissist

    3. The character in my last novel was a nun. WTF IS THIS SHIT????

      I am trying to live the Holy Life. I don’t need to be thinking about erect cocks and wet v-holes ready for a pounding. Yes, very ready…oh yes…quite ready….fuck you all a good night.

      1. HG, I apologize for my silly comment. I had a bit too much of Christ’s Blood last night, so to speak.

        I was just being silly and meant no disrespect.

        (Hangs head in shame.)

  4. The narcissist has extreme intimacy issues and translates that into a dominant sex controller.

    To involve violence creates distance emotionally, making the relationship to be noncommittal, but at the same time is effective at forming a trauma bond. So that the insecure man can come back if he wants to unload emotionally again.

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