Muddy Hell

MUDDYHELL

I have a busy day today. Much to do and many people to do it to but when you have someone’s interests at heart, well, this is what you have to do isn’t it? I have the list of telephone numbers which I have noted down from your telephone when I gained access to it. It was not difficult to do so. Using my famous ability to move around without making much of a noise I stole up behind you and watched you enter the passcode for your phone and I stored that in my memory to enable me to use it when you were sleeping. Naturally I had a good look through all your messages, your diary and e-mails but that is for another discussion. I recognised the names of numerous people and made a note of their numbers inside my little book and then hid that in readiness for when I decided it was time I needed to use it. Now that time has come and it is incumbent on me to take this step.

The first number I enter into my phone is that of Sarah, a friend of yours. She answers after two rings. Like many people she is surgically attached to the ‘phone.

“Hello Sarah it is HG. Listen, I just wanted to let you know, since you are such a good friend of hers, that Gemma is, well I think the easiest way to describe it is that she is not well, not well at all. What do I mean? She has been acting rather strangely. The slightest thing seems to either have her shouting or crying. At first I wondered if it was just, you know, women’s things, but it has been going on for months now. You had no idea? No I know, I have not said anything before because well I was hoping I could help her  deal with it but it is beyond even me. I am going to get her some help. I try and talk to her about it but she just clams up on me, gives me silence and then a little later accuses me of not caring. I don’t think she is sleeping properly either and it takes me an age to get her to eat. Should you come round? No, thank you, that is kind of you, but I don’t want her to do anything which might upset you. She is very erratic in her behaviour but it is something more than just mood swings. I am going to get her the proper help but I am just forewarning you that if she contacts you just be aware that she is not herself. She has been saying things about people, me included, which are not very nice and I don’t want this period of illness to affect her relationship with her friends, you know how some people can be overly sensitive to what someone says and they miss the point they are unwell. Yes, that’s right. Yes I think it would be a good idea if you just give her some space. Yes, absolutely. If she does contact me, let me know, you have my number on your ‘phone now. Yes I will pass on your kind words and thanks for your help Sarah, it is much appreciated at this difficult time.”

I end the call and place a tick next to Sarah’s name. She was most understanding and fully appreciate the need for space in order to allow you to get better. Now, who is next. Ah yes, another of your friends, Helen. I call Helen and explain the situation almost word-for-word as I did with Sarah. She asks more details about what is wrong and I reluctantly tell her about the violence and the lying. She is shocked I can tell and she spends some time searching for an amateur diagnosis as to what it might be. I listen as she drones on, checking my watch and noting I have other names to get through too. Eventually I am able to conclude the call and place another tick. I continue working my way through your list of friends, the ticks adding up. Next is John, your fitness instructor.

“Hello John, this is HG, Gemma’s partner. We haven’t met. Look John, difficult call to make but Gemma is unwell at present. It is pretty serious. Yes, thank you, it is a difficult time but I am doing the best I can to help her. It is unclear at present what it is, I am organising for a doctor to come and see her today but it is making her very difficult to be around. She may be suffering from some kind of breakdown brought on by exhaustion. Yes, it is a worry. I know you would not have thought it to look at her outside of our house but I think this has been brewing for some time, you know, she even started telling me that she was going to marry you. Yes I know that is ridiculous isn’t it? You are already married? I thought you were. Don’t worry, I know nothing is going on, I am sure you are far too professional for that kind of thing, but this is part of the problem, she keeps coming out with outlandish comments and I can handle it but I worry others might not so she won’t need your services until further notice. Payment? Well yes if she has an agreement with you then just continue to take her monthly payment after all this is not your fault is it? I will let you know when she is well again but just in case she tries to contact you I think it would be best if you don’t take her calls, I don’t want her causing you any trouble especially between you and your wife. Thank you John, your discretion is appreciated.”

Another tick and a similar call is made to your choral group and your book club. Next is your employer. I made you take today off under the pretence of you gaining a lie in and then us doing something together. We stayed up late last night so you are still fast asleep upstairs allowing me to make these important telephone calls. Your employer is understanding and I can confirm that arrangements will be made to provide the relevant doctor’s note because I explained this situation is likely to last a number of weeks. My preparation thus segues into arranging for the local doctor to make a house call after I explain to the receptionist, in worried tones, that having you leave the house in your current state might be a risk to both you and other people. She was most understanding and confirmed that a doctor would attend after surgery, around 5pm. Next on the list are your family members. I secured the advantage of persuading you to move with me away from them and they are now a flight away. The inconvenience of having to fly and the distance is something I play on as I call your parents and your sister, forewarning them that they may experience some unpleasant comments about them and especially me given her condition. I assure them that I am taking care of you and there is really no need for them to come all this way. I confirm I will keep them updated and they are pleased I have taken time off work to care for you and that I have arranged for a doctor to attend. I spend considerable time reeling off examples of the terrible behaviour you have exhibited, explaining the awful things I have been subjected to and the lies you have told about me, your friends and family. I explain that I can deal with it but I just feel so sorry for your parents and your sister having to hear such things and in order to prevent it happening again the best thing is to contact me and not you and to keep you at arms’ length. I explain I understand that it is hard but it will be the best outcome for all concerned if you are prevented from lashing out and hurting people. My explanations and good intentions are accepted and thanks is offered for my understanding and support.

The final tick is placed on the list and I place both ‘phone and pen down. I really should go and wash my hands now after smearing all that mud around.

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18 thoughts on “Muddy Hell”

  1. Thank you for writing this. My ex totally did this. He rounded up people he had not even been on good terms with, wept to co-workers, gave a dramatic speech in front of the church, wrote a letter of contrition to our children in order to lean on people for his distress at my ‘breakdown’, which was me ending his manipulation and calling it quits. He even called my parents on a few occasions to ingratiate himself with them, which was preposterous since he had intentionally moved away from them to lessen their influence in our lives and had told my mother “Hell will freeze over” before our children would be allowed to stay with her.

    In response to his implications about my mental state I had a hormone test from a GYN, a phych evaluation from a phychiatrist, saw his personal physician when he insisted I should try meds, and saw the marriage counselor of his choosing. No hormone imbalance, no personality disorders, his doctor told me getting away from a crazy person is better than meds, and the marriage counselor told me “he has bragged to me he can make you think you are crazy, so be careful.”

    In retrospect, I’m surprised I felt the need to prove he was wrong. But, that is the effect a Supreme Narcissist can have.

    1. I also tried to gather all information possible to prove my Ex-Narc was wrongly accusing me of being suicidal and dangerous. Unfortunately the judge in family court was very annoyed upon getting all the paper work to read. She believed my Ex-Narc and refused to read any letters written on my behalf.
      You are very lucky that you were taken seriously after the smear campaign.

  2. Two narcs (mother and ex husband) did this to me and EVERYONE believed them. Not one single person challenged any of the information or asked me about it. It happened 12 years ago and I’m still nowhere near recovered and I doubt I’ll ever come to terms with it. The narcs involved are both lesser and not particularly clever or skilful yet they still managed to hoodwink everyone and pull it off perfectly. I understand up to a point how that could happen because it’s utterly incredulous that someone would make something like that up. However, surely friends and members of one’s own family should have the gumption to at least ask questions. It’s also a good way to lay the foundations for future smear campaigns and before you know what’s hit you you’ve lost your job and your house, your so called friends ignore you, your neighbours are gossiping behind your back and your narc ex gets custody of your kid, who he’s been abusing since she was born.

    1. My Ex-Narc also got custody of all three of my children also he did not want to have any children in the first place.Family court was a game for him, he wanted to win and to punish me for filing for divorce before he did.

  3. REally ?????????????????????? That can’t be… HG… Come on …I respect you a lot, that is the first time I read an article about something you did ( assuming you did it) that I find really difficult to accept.

    I understand the purpose behind and the learning for us empath and co-dependant – but I find this really shocking.

    We all end up acting irrationally being entangled with your kind, that is already hard enough. I remember crying and sobbing for 3 days – writing long letters on how empty, confused, annoyed etc. I was. Then I went NC- to keep my sanity. It scares the hell out of me how vast and shocking your toolkit is.

    I am sure this would have not worked with the people around me, they would have called me up and ask me questions for sure.

    They all have been through ups and down with me- they know me enough to not only believe my partner. Any of my friend’s partner who would call me now… I will call my friend for sure.

    So sorry to say it HG… I am shocked and bruised from reading this plus it is not fair, you throw a bomb than you go away on vacations … ☹

  4. No Narcissist would find this necessary as no one would care. Although I would literally put my life on the line for my friends, they cannot be bothered to even call me back so that I can drive two hours to them and immerse myself into their worlds (where I do not want to be).

    My family members are totally self-absorbed, so no need to waste time there. Although I have stated otherwise, my ex-husband is no Savior Empath. He is an evil fucker and would continue to keep that long leash on me, but I hacked it with an axe.

    Thank God for my son..

  5. I am so lucky!! My friends and family would NEVER fall for this- They would catching the next flight or loading their cars for the drive— to rescue me!!!

    1. My npd had separated me from my family and friends systematically over the years. I finally realized I had to leave when I was at the place where I had zero emotional support. My close friends had all moved away to Alabama (my ex’s idea, but he backed out) and I was alone with 7 kids. You are, indeed, lucky.

    2. Never say never. You do not know how other people would react. My father (also a Narc) sided with my Ex-Narc after I divorced him.
      I was surprised.

  6. A twisted mind yours, a mean to stay in control and gain emotional reactions: love me, hate me but never ignore me.

    Oh, looking forward to receiving the “Sex and the Narcissist” book (I ordered it in Europe, expecting it from USA). I’m so curious, so far you nailed it all, turning what I’ve already thought (on your kind of people) into reality.

      1. Why the smear campaign? What does an NPD get from this, fuel? Is it high octane or diesel?

        I indulged in a bit of smearing of my ex–as “this town isn’t big enough for both of us.” This town has a FB account of women who live and work here and this FB outs men. Recently, a guru was run out of town when his ex-wife posted he was a sex offender (he had been convicted prior).That’s just one example.

        Also, do most NPD tend to be bullies?
        My ex . . . I would have been content to go our separate ways but NO! He had to hoover and smear me. When I get angry, I get petty. I try to control it becuz it’s not nice . . . . But I knew I wasn’t being nice. I really was losing my mind from his mindf***ing BS.

        The empathy and the narc. Opposites really do attract . . . if a greater and a super empath knew and understood what each other were, would we be good soulmates? Nope. Why do you think that is?

      2. Please see the book ‘Smeared’ that will answer your questions.

        Narcissists are bullies yes, but the bullying manifests in many different ways.

      1. I know 50 Shades of Grey has been done, but I think your calling might be smut?

      2. I think his calling is much greater than that and it would be a waste of his intellect and talent. Some very select and sophisticated offerings of erotica perhaps, but not a stream of the common and ready trash prevalent today. That would be a disappointment. Just my opinion.

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