How Long Can You Resist?



Can you hear me knocking? Open the door and let me in? I know you want to. It is only me. You know me. You know me better than anybody else. Come on, I know you are thinking about me. That is what happens. I am on your mind and in your thoughts. I am whirling around in that messed-up mind of yours. It is messed up. I didn’t do it. I didn’t do anything wrong. I never do. It was a real state before I even appeared. I just took advantage. But look, that is in the past and we don’t need to talk about the past (expect I suppose when it suits me). I know you want to hear my voice again don’t you? You miss hearing me. You miss those long conversations on the telephone that we used to have, two hours or more where there was never a lull. I know you remember them. I know you keep looking at your ‘phone hoping that it will ring and that it will be me. I know you feel a phantom buzz when you have stashed your phone on your person and you keep pulling it from your pocket and checking. You tell your friends that your mother needs to speak to you, just so they won’t groan or roll their eyes at you for wanting it to be me. I know you are itching to call me. Go on, why don’t you? You can speak to me again and it will be just like before, all of the wonderful stuff. I will reinstate it in an instant because look, I have had a lot on, I have been tired, I have been worried and so on and so forth blah blah blah. I will trot anything out because once you see me smiling at you, you won’t be listening any more.

No, you will be thinking back to that kiss as we stood in that park with the sound of the breeze through the autumnal trees. That first kiss after the days of flirting through text and call. That magical, marvellous, mesmeric kiss. The first of a million. One in a million. I know you close your eyes and stand in that park and allow yourself to be taken back to that time a year ago. That day when we both drove there and met beneath the towering trees, the September sunshine still warm and I stood there, my magnetic smile on display as you half-ran towards me and I took you in my arms and then we kissed. Imagine doing that again? Oh you have of course. A thousand times.

Send me a text. You may as well. I will answer you and I will put a kiss on the end, just to tempt you. I know your heart will surge when you see that and all thoughts of staying away from me will begin to evaporate on seeing that. Text me. Just one text. It is easy enough. I know you haven’t deleted my number despite the promises you have made to do so. You just could not bring yourself to do it.

Call me. Ring me up and tell me what a bastard I am. Go on. Unleash that anger. Let it out. How many times have you sobbed to your friends about what I did to you? What a cruel and heartless bastard I am. I do not deserve you do I? No, but I deserve being told what I have done to you. You need to get it off your chest don’t you? You should. Go on, just press that button and I will answer you and you can let rip at me. Hey, even better, why not suggest we meet up and then you can have that show down that you have always envisaged. I know you have thought through all the things you have wanted to say to me but feel that I prevented you from saying when I just disappeared and then ignored your frantic attempts to get in touch with me. Tell me how broken I left you. Tell me how your friends hate me too. Tell me how your brother is going to batter me. Go on, I know that anger is still raging through you and you need to let it out. Surely after everything you have put up with you are entitled to one last hurrah?

Make that call late at night. I know you are lying in the dark thinking about me, hands entwined around the shirt I left which still smells of my scent. You know you ought to throw it away or burn it but you just cannot do it can you? You still want that connection. You still want to be able to inhale my fragrance and somehow relish the agonised joy as your mind is flooded with my memory. It is a lonely place now that bed isn’t it? Why not send me a text and we can exchange some saucy messages? Rekindle that fire again. It will make you feel better. I might even be tempted to come and see you and take you in your bed once again and let you experience the magic that I possess. The sex was brilliant wasn’t it? I know you cannot lie about that. I have heard what you have said to people about how you hate me but the sex was off the charts. Let’s do it again. Why not? It will make you feel so much better. Just text me, ring me, message me. You just have to reach out because I know you are dying to.

You may as well flick through those pictures again and smile with regret and longing as they evoke all those momentous times from when we were happy together. So many pictures, so many smiles. Have a look at my Facebook profile again. I did not block you. I would not do that. I want you to see how I am doing. Those messages are for you by the way. I am sure that the cryptic comments that I have posted with those pictures will have been picked up on by you and considered and reflected on. Those were for you. I wanted you to know how much I am missing you and you need your daily fix of stalking my social media. Yes, there was somebody else and I know you will have seen and been distraught to know that she was now receiving my love, my perfect love. How that must have burned inside of you as you realised that somebody else was now the recipient. I knew you would but don’t worry, she isn’t a patch on you so why don’t you come and see me and we can start it all again. I know you want to.

Come and see me. Help me. You are the only one who truly knows me. You know more about me than anybody else. The others, huh, they meant nothing to me. They were aberrations but you, you are the real deal. I love you still. I always have. Just come and see me and I will prove it to you. I will make the changes you want me to do and I know you believe in me. You see the good in me don’t you, you are the one who can let it out and help me. Please help me. I just need to be fixed and you are the one with the tools to do it. There is only you. Please don’t let me down. I need you. I will change. I will be better. I promise. Just come and see me and give me the chance to show you. That is only fair isn’t it? You are a fair person, I know you are, that is why I love you so much.

Come on, just get in touch with me and all this pain can go away. There is no need for it. You just need to press those buttons, dial that number or best of all just turn up. Imagine how romantic it will be. You turning up unexpectedly (but not really) in the rain and I sweep you into my arms again and everything will be good and golden and great once again. Do it. Do it. Give me the dressing down. Come to bed with me. Kiss me again. Tell me how you feel. Offer me forgiveness. Let me know what has happened to you. Tell me. Tell me. Tell me. Do it. Do it. Get in touch. Reach out. Stop the pain. End the hurt. Bring back the joy. Resurrect us. Ignite the passion. Let love reign. Do it. You can do it. I believe in you. End this agony. Let it go. Berate me. Love me. Chastise me. Fuck me. Hate me. Contact me. Contact me. Contact me.

I can hear my ‘phone ringing.

210 thoughts on “How Long Can You Resist?

  1. Echo says:

    I have a question for you HG. You obviously have a sense of humor, but I would like to know is it something that is part of you? I don’t know how to make myself clear, but I will try to explain. I have a specific kind of a humor and most people do. It is a result of my intelligence and education but also is similar like humor that my father had and my sibling, my older cousins and some of my friends have, so you can say that is learned from other people in a way but is something that is a constant and doesn’t change. Do you have that kind of humor, that is specific for you as an individual irrespective to a situation where you adapt your sense of humor to mirror other people? I would also like to know do you find your humor funny or you just use it to make other people laugh?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Yes it is part of me, I am a Greater after all.

      1. NarcAngel says:

        No question you have a great sense of humor. It may sound a strange question, but knowing now (through your education) how much of the narcissist is illusion and mimicry, it made me wonder: Do you believe you were born with a great sense of humor, or have you acquired it through the careful observation and collection of the traits of others over time to present as yours?

        Omg. You’re not Milton Berle are you?!!

        Yes yes………naughty stool for being cheeky……

      2. NarcAngel says:

        You can scratch that question. I hadnt read Echos post through yet.

  2. Sunshine says:

    What about when the narcissist blocks you? I initiated blocking him and then he blocked me right away and has kept me blocked. I assume my initial block caused wounding. We can of course email each other, so there is one line of communication still open.

  3. Blacky says:

    Uh,i’m here…oh,true..i’m a narc x)..but,good job.

  4. Bibi says:

    HG has straight blonde hair and full lips. He resembles Cary Elwes in looks and for all his toughness, remember he has fair skin that burns and freckles in the sun. He would need an umbrella in the Sunny Southwestern US. And a constant water bottle.

    And I can do a badass Brit accent with a hint of cockney and have been so good that I have fooled some from the UK.

    Tee hee. So there. Glad to see Al Pacino was still being mentioned so far down this thread.

    1. Persephone In Sunlight says:

      Oh, no!
      Not Cary Elwes!
      Please, HG, never ever say “As you wish”.
      I might fall in love!!!

  5. SurvivalMode says:

    You are like the schoolboy, HG, pulling on my braids any chance you get…

  6. Ugotit says:

    Godam it just got hoovered on what has to be a new Facebook account I blocked the other three he messaged saying hi how are u its been a long time I half expected the next line to be your just as lovely as u used to be referring to the country song hello darlin

  7. WiserNow says:


    So you have blonde hair and blue eyes, hey? For some reason, British blonde actors come to mind.

    I’m picturing Jude Law, which is a nice vision 😉

    Or maybe Daniel Craig, the modern-day James Bond. In fact, you are a kind of undercover spy with an adoring female entourage lol 😀

    Gosh, since you definitely have hair, I hope it’s not more like Boris Johnson 🙁

    Only kidding HG 🙂 I’m going to think of you as Jude Law 😉

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Not Boris, Not Jude, DC is closer.

      1. Persephone In Sunlight says:

        Daniel Craig would NEVER say “As You Wish”.
        And I really cannot get my mind to hear HG say it either.
        What I hear is “No.”

        So even in fantasy, I can’t get that.
        That’s a good thing.

    2. ava101 says:


  8. Star says:

    It’s interesting the whole “emotional thinking” aspect and it’s something I’ve really started paying attention to and trying to get more information about.A while back when I seriously thought that occasionally texting was harmless, my emotions really did take over and convince me that it was “ok”. Yes eventually my common sence took over when I tired of the same games. I wasn’t devastated by any means. But that very short time where I engaged in text conversation with him really did affect me, even if only slightly. After going no contact I noticed I was far more jumpy. Every time my phone went off I had to remind myself that there was absolutely no way he could reach me. Even those digs he had at me, ate away a bit. My mind said “ lol well look at who those insults are coming from. “ but there was a tiny part of me that had self doubt and said, “ is there some truth to what he said?” Also I noticed physically my body felt it. I felt drained, tired, more distracted, in a fog. Honestly it took me about 3 weeks to kinda recover…and it was ONLY TEXTING! That’s the crazy part of all of it!!And I was so disappointed in myself during that time and angry at myself for allowing him even a tiny piece of my time and energy. Emotional thinking can rule a persons better judgement. Nothing to scoff at.No contact. No contact. GOSO. The only way. It’s surprising how good it feels eventually:)

  9. Insatiable Learner says:

    Narc Affair, “That said i do have a thing for dark haired italian men.” Dang. Me too! Guess what type the narc I got entangled with is? Yeah…

    1. narc affair says:

      Al pacino type?? 😄

      1. HG Tudor says:

        You won’t hear HG announce “say hello to my little friend.”

      2. Insatiable Learner says:

        Unfortunately, yes. If I can get over this guy, I can do anything!

      3. narc affair says:

        Theres nothing little about you HG 😁

        1. HG Tudor says:

          You write the nicest things.

          1. Joy4Life says:

            Yes, quite an effective ego-stroke, I must say. Survivors certainly have mastered the fine art of flattery from our torments with Narcissists.

          2. Caroline says:

            Well, not all empaths…I’m pretty stingy with compliments to narcissists. I’ll be polite and credit productiveness/good acts, but that’s about it. But then, I’m not a Geyser Empath.

            I love to compliment empaths though… have an urge to, often.

        2. Joy4Life says:


      4. Bibi says:

        You just named my man. Michael Corleone. Oh, fuck yes those Sicilians.

        I fucking LOVE Al Pacino. (From 1970-up to Scarface, mind you.)

        Serpico? Fuck yes, you sexy cop.
        Dog Day Afternoon? Fuck me, you criminal.
        Godfather? Michael, I am your Bitch Kitten.
        Scarface? Yea he’s an asshole but he’s cute….

      5. Bibi says:

        This is my porno. Fuck yes, Al is so sexy. I had to pause it when Apollonia exposed herself before they 50 Shades on their wedding night. I am a Godfather junkie:

    2. Ugotit says:

      I prefer dark haired Arabs best looking men in the world that being said I said earlier I never dated a blonde while here I am currently engaged to a Scottish man with long straight blonde hair Lmao I guess that shows how much I care about him I literally forgot his existence for a minute the truth is he is was a rebound I think I’ll be ending it soon he bores me to tears I know it sounds horrible but I’m pretty sure I’m some kind of rebound for him too so I don’t think he’ll mind I’m pretty sure we will remain friends as we have been for several yesrs

      1. Joy4Life says:

        Being so far away from Arabia, I would only be able to meet an Arab man by online dating. Unfortunately, I have become disenchanted with cyber dating sites due to very bad experiences. I wish there was just one known dating site that was proven to be safe, Narcissist-free, and where there are only men on there who are sincere, honest, kind, caring, empathetic, understanding, sweet, and good hygiene is an absolute must.

  10. MB says:

    HG, how is our addiction/emotional thinking different than the narcissist’s addiction to fuel? It’s a continuous loop of highlight reel going around and around in my mind. Insatiable craving that I can’t seem to stop. I struggle constantly with no contact. (And I don’t mean repeatedly.) Why is it the narcissist can’t change and supposedly we are able to get better?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      You do not get rid of your addiction, you manage it by getting your ET under control.
      One of the fundamental differences is that you become aware of your addiction, the existence of ET and how to address it – the majority of narcissists do not have this and cannot have this because the self-defence mechanism of the narcissism prevents it.

      1. MB says:

        Thank you for all your help HG. You’ve been wonderful! But I fear this is a battle I may very well lose.

        LADIES READING THIS..what has helped to stop the obsessive thoughts for you? So far, I’m replacing my addiction to him with Xanax and alcohol to numb me, which is probably far worse than just giving in on my NC. My emotional thinking is telling me all I need is a “Narc hit” and my anxiety will abate, my mind will be settled again at least for the time being and I can think about something else for a minute. (And this would really be true so it’s logical as well as emotional)

        Any help is appreciated. As I said, HG, you are awesome, but right now, I think it’s empathy I need.

        1. Joy4Life says:

          Please be careful with the alcohol, my friend 🙁 My mother was a severe alcoholic and it destroyed her, as well as all those around her. I’m not saying this is true for you, but please be careful <3 Xanax sounds okay.

          I guess the way I got over each Narc was to replace them with someone else, which were, unbeknownst to me at the time, more Narcs. So now, I am trying to heal in a healthier way. I have no boyfriend, and haven’t for awhile- since last Narcissist.

          I guess I just use a lot of positive self-talk, (though it has to be louder than the talk inside of myself that puts me down a lot), lots & lots of creative writing, poetry, rhymes, and songwriting, and above all else, I am in constant connection to The Lord. Without Him, I wouldn’t even be alive.

          Sometimes though, my addiction to the Narcissists makes me addicted to other things. For one, I will go on tangents where I cannot stop rhyming words in my head, and it even will keep me up at night. It’s like I can’t stop. I tell myself inside my mind, “STOP!!!” It becomes an obsession that I cannot stop. But, it’s better than thoughts of Narcissists.

        2. Caroline says:


          It’s good that you recognize that what you are doing is just exchanging vices. I’m so sorry you are having such a rough go at it.

          Do you have friends and activities to get you out and engaged with people? Would you consider volunteer work that is up your alley? I really think that when someone is so addicted to a “narc hit,” their world has become so hyper-focused on the narcissist’s attention that their world has become (understandably) pretty small… if you can expand it and engage on as many fronts as you can (even if you don’t *feel* like it), it just opens up so much for you… and with your life more full, other joys will come. And guess what else comes?

          Your confidence. It all builds on itself.

          I did keep my world full, even when I was with the narcissist in the FR…and that really helped me keep my sense of self very strong. We all falter and need building up at times, but it’s never too late to start working on you — and expanding your daily joys. Connecting more with others is one big way, and so is taking care of yourself. So, for the second part, maybe instead of taking the next drink, treat yourself to getting your hair highlighted (am sure I thought of *this* because of the apparent hair obsession on this thread, lol) — or something to lift you.

          Hope this helps. Big hug to you. You can kick the narc addiction — no question about that!

      2. Joy4Life says:

        Please, what is “ET”?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Emotional Thinking.

          1. Joy4Life says:

            I see. Thank you.

      3. Insatiable Learner says:

        MB, First off, you are not alone in this obsession. I can totally relate. When I first went NC, the pain, emotional, psychological, and even physical felt excruciating and unbearable. Like you were being eviscerated, torn to pieces, stabbed over and over, like your heart was being pulled out of you and stomped on again and again. Nothing could get my mind off him, off the way I was treated, off the betrayal, hurt, injustice. I was binge watching and reading everything I could about narcissism and narcissistic abuse. When I would recognize myself in stories, when things would click and fall into place, when I would get confirmation of him being a narc and what that truly meant, I got validation and some relief. I lasted and stayed NC to fight another day. I did this over and over and over again, day after day after day. Reading, watching, learning, growing my understanding, taking notes of revelations that came, asking HG questions, having a consult with HG, and trying not to dwell on the “good things” about the narc but instead think about all the hurt and pain he inflicted, situations where his betrayal and fakeness were obvious, remembering how I felt at that time. And the most important thing was staying NC. There is truly no way to heal while staying in any contact with the narc. I understand some have to because of shared kids, property, etc. I don’t know how you guys do it. My respect and admiration for you if you are able to do this. Luckily, I have no ties to him of this nature. If you can fight through the initial weeks and months of NC repeating to yourself this shall pass, I will feel better, this bond will break, I am worth it, and other positive affirmations, you will make it. Surround yourself with people who love you and care about you, lean on them, even if they don’t know about the narc (nobody in my life knows about him, so I could not share with anyone in my life), take good care of yourself , hit the gym ( I lift weights 4 times a week, that helps me a lot with energy, processing trauma and grief, and makes you look great, feel strong, and feel good about yourself), also extend kindness and attention to those who are worthy of it, genuine, authentic people. MB, stay here, read, comment, consult with HG. We are all here to support you through this. You can be free!

        1. MB says:

          Thank you so much for taking your time to respond IL. The support means a lot to me. Like you, nobody in my life knows. HG’s work HAS been a life saver, but interacting with him is addictive for me as well. That voice! I’m damned if I do and damned if I don’t. I have found that exercise does help but honestly, I HATE it. But like other things, (NC) it’s good for you in the long run. Let’s hit the gym (no Narcs likely to be there…NOT!)

      4. Morning sun says:

        MB, getting therapy and antidepressants would be a good way to go. Is there a self-help group, like the AA, anywhere near you? This is an addiction and should be treated as such. You will need support on all levels. When you ‘come clean’, you will likely start feeling all the feelings that were being masked by the addiction. This persistent thinking about the narc is likely a defense mechanism of your psyche, a subconscious one of course – likely because you subconsciously don’t feel safe enough to ‘go there’, whatever there is in your case.

        So the question is – what do you need to feel safe enough to ‘go there’, the place behind the addiction to the narc? You will likely need more than an online audience/conversation.

        I can’t recommend antidepressants enough. I’ve been on Zoloft since breaking off the relationship with the narc and it’s been instrumental in all the healing I’ve done. In a few months, I will start going off it. What it did for me was it stopped the negative thought spiral I would so often get into when with the narc. I did get into it, but I could see what was going on and I was able to easily step out of it. In these 8 or so months that I’ve been on ADs, it’s like my brain has ‘forgotten’ the negative spiral. I simply don’t start it anymore. I’m still able to feel all emotions, pleasant and unpleasant, but they don’t overwhelm me and I’m not at their mercy. I’m able to enjoy the little things in life again. Antidepressants are allowing my brain to rewire itself and relearn how to approach life in a constructive, positive way.

        The thing is, with ADs, you can’t drink alcohol. You can use benzos (like Xanax) in the beginning to take the edge off, as ADs take about a month to kick in (and the initial side-effects can be nasty), but afterwards you should ease up on the Xanax (it’s addictive, whereas Zoloft/other SSRIs aren’t) and only take it occasionally if really needed.

      5. MB says:

        Thank you ladies for your caring responses. I can feel the positive vibes from here. On reflection, my world IS quite small. I need to work on filling the void instead of getting my highs by providing fizzy fuel.

      6. Catherine says:

        MB, I think we all understand what you’re going through here and this is the right place to be. HG knows more than well what he’s talking about; he’s the expert here and we’re the support group. Read, write, share, get a consultation, see a therapist, focus on what went wrong and focus on how horrible you felt when with him. A relationship should never be about one person being hurt by the other time after time. Stay off the alcohol, go to the gym, travel if that’s a possibility, focus on yourself and remember what a remarkable and beautiful person you are; keep a journal of why you could never be happy with him and read it out aloud to yourself every day, buy a new dress, see your friends, let life slowly move on and make each day count. I’m not good at it at times, but every small step is a victory in itself.

      7. jo griffiths says:

        Yes H.G. I learned that I must control my emotional thinking. Now alcohol has lost its importance! It is something I have to be continuously aware of though, not to be controlled by my emotions. I also think no-one can ‘get rid’ of their addictions, per se, they seem to have become an integral part of the person. So glad I signed up!! Now I can’t wait to check my e-mail every day ! So much better than forgetting it for a week and having to delete/reply to hundreds !!!!

      8. Perse S. Frisky says:


        I had started a course in CBT, but after just one lecture I had a meltdown. Not caused by learning CBT, more likely by having extreme stressors happening like a set of dominos tipping and crashing.

        What I tried that actually worked sounds extreme and controversial, but it did the job. I started writing about this experience just today on my blog. And though you don’t hear much about it (off label use so no insurance coverage, no new profits to be made) it has been used for the last 10 years, for depression, OCD, PTSD, and intractable pain.

        Ketamine Infusion Therapy

      9. narc affair says:

        Hi sorry youre struggling. I think meds can be helpful to ease anxiety and its a personal choice but only with the supervision of a doctor. Id drop the alcohol tho bc interactions can occur.
        The addiction is so hard to break with these types and especially if youve lost yourself within them. Thats what ive struggled with…who am i without him. Its scary. One thing that may help is to get angry. I seen this from another survivor. Each time she felt herself slipping back into emotional thinking she would journal all the shitty things hed done to her and how it made her feel. Its so easy to fall into that mode where you fool yourself and start romanticizing or candy coating who they were. They werent all that bad. Of course not all the time but they could be so abusive all the other times. Focus on the abuse bc thats the deal breaker. You dont want to live with the abuse! This detox pain is temporary the abuse is permanent and will keep getting worse until they finally discard you 🙁
        Best of luck (((hugs))) youll be in my prayers 💓

      10. Perse S. Frisky says:


        ‘For one, I will go on tangents where I cannot stop rhyming words in my head, and it even will keep me up at night. ‘

        Is this not normal? I thought everyone had these mental blips.This has gone on all my life. I go ahead and play with it. I thought my brain was trying to distract me from stress.

        1. SurvivalMode says:

          Thank you 🙂 I am glad to know that these things happen to others, as well. Sometimes I would like to get a bit more sleep, and a little less rhyme. <3

      11. Bibi says:


        I have been there but please do be careful with the alcohol. I was there once too…drinking too much and crying all the time. I say this not b/c I think you’ll develop into an alcoholic but alcohol numbs the pain in the moment but then only makes you worse once you sober up.

        I found that to recover I needed to FEEL IT because feeling that hurt is the basis of healing–it can only get better from there. Booze only numbs it and prolongs it…in my experience.

        But nothing wrong with enjoying some vino but do it when you’re feeling more up and happy–drinking when sad only makes it so much worse.

        1. MB says:

          Thank you Bibi.

      12. Lori says:

        Correct. “The addiction” is actually repetition compulsion to solve the trauma to make sense out of what is non sensical. All normal humans brains work this way only difference with an Empath / Codependent is an added element for need to control. We tend to repeat the trauma in an effort to get a different outcome one in which we controlled.

        In many ways we are quite similar to Narcs. We have difficulty accepting things that we cannot control. In fact often we do not and that is where our tenacity comes in

        1. NarcAngel says:

          Hi Lori
          I agree with you about the similarities. I have referred to it previously as the ego of the empath and have taken considerable flak for suggesting it, but as you point out-many have identified that they knew or had a feeling something was not right but forged on wanting to effect a different outcome. If I had a dime for everytime I read: but I didnt know he was a narcissist…. Well knowing that it is an actual disorder is interesting, but you do not need that label to know that it is unhealthy and damaging, and not a relationship you should be staying in when there are literally billions of other people on Earth with whom you could spend your time. That is empath ego and addiction in my opinion, and once honestly identified in oneself (not to be misconstrued as blame) allows for healing to begin.

    2. Challenge Fuel says:

      MB…..He is addicted to his fuel and I am addicted to him.
      I just wanted to say that this is a great question.

    3. Ugotit says:

      MB I’m spending far to much time and money shopping and to much time sleeping but that’s what helped me, but I also watch a lot of YouTube videos meditate and just keep telling myself relax and let ho

    4. EmP says:

      Hi MB,

      My experience: I went NC some time ago and the first couple of months were PURE HELL. I could barely function. At work I had to take breaks every two hours to go cry somewhere. I thought I was going to lose my mind. Seriously.
      I would just sit there and think….reminisce…fantasise… What was he doing? Was he missing me? Was going NC the right decision?..In the end no one had made me feel the way he had (and we know why). Not to mention he was incredibly handsome.
      I would just cry and feel a sharp pain inside my chest. It was one of the worst times of my life.

      I decided to move house, throw my sheets, duvets and towels away and buy new ones. I threw my beloved signature perfume away (triggering too many memories). I even changed my hair colour.
      Please note that when this happened I had NO idea he was a narcissist. I started doing research on NPD because I suspected my parents were narcissists (they are). I stumbled upon HG’s work. Wow. He was describing L’s behaviour and our relationship dynamics to a T. I kept reading and reading. And reading some more. I soon started looking at things a different way. L was not what I thought he was. Our relationship was a fake. An illusion. I was mourning something that never existed. The fated encounter. Our uncanny similarities. And so on and so forth.

      Getting over the ‘infection’ takes time though. You can’t rush it. You have to be patient with yourself (keeping emotional thinking under control is easier said than done). Try and make changes in your life, if you can. Read HG’s work: it will really help you. As to the healing part, everyone is different. Some might require professional help and/or medications, others would just need rest, plenty of shopping, self-care.
      There are some good books on healing from narcissistic abuse out there. And of course, the ladies commenting on this blog are always willing to offer support and advice.
      Take care.

    5. NeverAgain says:

      Hi MB. I dont have any answers . . . those come from HG. In my experience, my ex knows who he is (Greater) and my understanding the Lesser and Mids are unaware.
      My ex does not want to change vs I want to change. His life works for him.
      I identify with the cravings and wanting to see him. We actually liked each other as persons and there were genuine, honest BRIEF VERY BRIEF moments of reality. But he quickly caught the discomfort and went back to all he has ever known. His comfort zone–his illusion.
      I just had a thought . . . If your codependent, there are books and self-help groups of other codependents that deal with addictive personality??
      I was addicted. I still like my narc, but I want to change my thinking in regards to him. I really never want to see him again. Enough is enough. We ended very badly.

  11. Joy4Life says:

    I did date a guy once with Strawberry colored hair, and green eyes. He was so beautiful. And yet, he was so humble as to not even realize how lovely he was. Gorgeous! And his light, reddish hair was sooo soft. Sadly, he passed away from a sudden aneurism. He was not a Narcissist. I loved him so much! His passing so suddenly was devastating. He was beautiful inside, too.

    1. Ugotit says:

      I also dated and was engaged to a redhead with bluish green eyes he was from Denmark moved to the us at nine was the sweetest kindest man I ever met also.passed away suddenly from a pulmonary embolism

      1. HG Tudor says:

        Anyone dates a brown haired person with brown eyes who died of a clutcher? Anyone? Or a silver haired individual with blue eyes who suffered an anal prolapse? Any takers? If so, join us on Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow daily at 2pm GMT on Tudor FM

        1. Ugotit says:

          Omg lol good one

        2. Joy4Life says:

          Ha…ha… I only drive an automatic because it was what I was taught, but the guys I dated were all able to drive a clutch- every one.

          I actually have had 4 boyfriends die on me. It was really weird- 4, over a short period of time. One Aneurysm, two heart-attacks, and one was complications from a brain tumor. I was starting to wonder if it was something about me which was making them all die so suddenly!

          1. NarcAngel says:


            Try dating men outside of the Nursing homes?

          2. Joy4Life says:

            NA, but really, two of them were actually quite young.

        3. 69Revolver says:

          The rare glimpse into HG’s sense of humor. Love!
          I always heard that Englishmen were so dry. Maybe it’s just their martinis.

      2. Twilight says:

        Was married to a brown hair brown eye that died from a clutcher.
        Yet it does amuse me when people ask how he died and I just respond with “I killed him”. If you look at things from a different perspective I did, he wanted me to cook a certain way because everything tastes better, mixed that with genetic makeup and walla a perfect recipe for a heart attack.

        1. Joy4Life says:

          Oh, I thought a clutcher was a car with a stick-shift, and that we were talking about a car accident from doing the clutch wrong. It’s the only type of clutcher that I know.

      3. Joy4Life says:

        Wow! So similar… yes, the one I dated was of one of the European countries, as well. American accent, though.

      4. Catherine says:

        Ha ha.. My kind of Friday night fun! I wish I could raise my hand on the silverhaired individual with the anal prolapse but the closest I come was a man with kidney disease who for some reason convinced me his physical problems prevented him from speaking to me on the phone. He wasn’t a narcissist though; he was an idiot. He was brown haired, and I have no idea if he’s gone..

      5. Perse S. Frisky says:

        Oh, HG!

        You just made me spit my tea all over the keyboard! I had to clean it up, and replace it with a double martini so I could ignore this cold!

        ‘If so, join us on Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow daily at 2pm GMT on Tudor FM ‘

        I married a green eyed yankee charmer with a full head of curly blond hair! He became bald and turned into an asshole, and hemorrhoids. A real big pain in the ass.
        I shall be calling in this week to Hare today, Goon tomorrow to throw a few jokes!

        PS. My son and DIL took me and her mother to brunch for Easter. They couldn’t remember the name of the place, and didn’t understand what I though was so funny when I saw the business sign “Tudor House”.
        Brunch was wonderful, even though you are on the other side of the pond!

        1. HG Tudor says:

          I approve of the double martini.

    2. Ugotit says:

      Same here ocean between us

    3. Morning sun says:

      “Or a silver haired individual with blue eyes who suffered an anal prolapse?”
      Do extensive haemorrhoids count? Then I’m in!

      1. HG Tudor says:

        I think the Chalfont St. Giles goes with the combover.

      2. Morning sun says:

        HG, that village is beautiful! It’s been put on my “places to see when finally visiting England” list. It’s just the kind of place I think of as English – I blame Enid Blyton.

        The ex didn’t need a combover. One thing he had working for him was thick hair. Anus – not so much.

      3. Joy4Life says:

        Silver or gray is nice on a man, too.

    4. NeverAgain says:

      Joy4Life, seems as everyone has their tragedies. Part of life . . . none of us are eating crackers at the beach.
      My first love was a dark haired, dark brown eyed, genius, phenomenal artist. He died a suicide when we were together. He was my hero. Hero’s often fail.

      1. SurvivalMode says:

        NeverAgain, I am so sorry for your loss.

  12. jo griffiths says:

    Hi H.G. God !! I’m so glad I don’t have any sentiments left in me for the ex at all. Just a deep fascination in the condition. Also I am trying to work out what might happen to him now, as he is 69 years old, (nearly,) and not so able to get fresh supply where he lives. (Ha ha !)
    I certainly remember 20 years ago, when I felt EXACTLY as you’ve described in your very accurate post. Altho he never wrote a letter like that, I’m pretty sure that is how he thought. Yes. too late now…far too late !!

  13. Joy4Life says:

    Actually, I suppose blonde hair might be okay.

    1. Ugotit says:

      I was also disappointed the first time I read he was a blonde I Remember it clearly which is so silly its not like we would ever date I’ve never dated a blonde I don’t think I even know any men with blonde hair god its so rare around here I can’t picture any men with blond hair I have blonde hair but don’t know any men with it

      1. Joy4Life says:

        Ugotit, I was SO surprised, too! Not that it matters, of course, but I had pictured him for 2 entire years to have dark brown hair. When I heard it said that he had blonde hair, it struck me as very odd. I mean, we have no photo of him, so we imagine HG Tudor in our mind’s eye. I cannot imagine him being blonde. I guess I can imagine him anyway I wish since I’ll probably never see him in real life (which is probably best being that he is a Sociopath, and all).

      2. 69Revolver says:

        Wait? HG has blonde hair?

        1. Joy4Life says:

          Yes, this is what was ascertained from earlier in the comments on a past post. I wonder if it is curly, wavy, or straight? I wonder, if it is fine, med, or thick texture? Not that it matters, of course.

          1. 69Revolver says:

            HG’s appearance? Well, I for one am curious as hell.

          2. Joy4Life says:

            Sadly, we might not EVER know what he looks like, even if we paid him. I mean, we might all die, someday, never knowing what HG looked like. But, life will go on. We will make it. It will be okay. I think it would greatly benefit him, though, to allow us a glimpse.

      3. narc affair says:

        I think i recal HG saying hes colored his hair in the past so hes not always been a blonde.

        1. HG Tudor says:


          1. Duchessbea says:

            HG, my two cents worth on this. As I am new to your blog, I view you from the perspective of what you have written, and also what I heard on your YouTube channel. Some people say you are a woman, others say you are a man. Personally, I think you are of the male persuasion, (if I am wrong, apologies), you are in your late 30’s / early 40’s. You are a well kept person, i.e., you keep yourself in shape, look good and would attract attention from the opposite sex. You are very well read, you are very knowledgeable on a number of topics. You keep up with what’s happening in the news and are all around well informed on a lot of things. You are very articulate and precise in your responses. I would say you could be a bit of a perfectionist in a good way. You like things done in an organised manner. Socially, you would be good craic, excellent stories a good and general all rounder. Yes definitely HG, you are a man to know.

          2. K says:

            Here is a picture of HG; you might like what you see.


        2. Joy4Life says:

          Oh! This is cool! I wonder if it’s L’Oreal?

      4. narc affair says:

        Hi joy for life…i think HG has fabio longer blonde hair a bit wavy. Up to the shoulders. Remote viewing him in his bolthole lol

        1. Joy4Life says:

          I would like to view through the bolthole, too!

      5. Catherine says:

        Ha ha.. I used to imagine you HG with dark hair as well.. mysterious men are always shrouded in dark; that’s what the fairytales tell us. The dark and handsome stranger who whisks us maidens away and steals our hearts. My ex was blonde though and he stole my heart anyway. And in any case I’m not much of a maiden these days and I don’t believe in fairytales anymore.. ha ha..

        1. HG Tudor says:

          I have had various hair colours. The important thing is that I have hair.

          1. Joy4Life says:

            This is amusing to hear you say you have “had various hair colors” because it seems so narcissistic-like to color one’s hair depending on the ‘recipient of the mirroring’ done by the Narcissist. Nowadays, even eye colors can be changed to whatever suits the occasion. Hm.

          2. HG Tudor says:

            Who stated it was anything to do with mirroring?

          3. SurvivalMode says:

            I did, just now. I’m allowed my opinions.

          4. HG Tudor says:

            You are, but it your opinion is based on an inaccuracy, which is purely only what I was pointing out. You suggested it was done to mirror. It was not.

          5. SurvivalMode says:

            Wow, defensive today, aren’t we? Or, perhaps it wasn’t mirroring. Who cares? At the end of the day, I could care less what you do, or don’t do, with your hair. It doesn’t change what you are inside.

          6. HG Tudor says:

            Far from defensive, merely correcting your inaccuracy.

          7. SurvivalMode says:

            Yes, indeed, as you have done on a consistent basis with me, and usually only me, for 2 years. It’s like you hound me, looking for anything you can find, in order to “correct me”. Do you have a crush on me, or something?

          8. HG Tudor says:

            Evidence? There is none.

          9. SurvivalMode says:

            xxxooo HG Tudor <3 xxxooo <3 HG Tudor xxxooo <3 HG Tudor

            I Love You For Helping me so much. When the Narcissist and his Enabler turned all of our mutual friends away from me, and brutally smeared me, as you might remember from our past conversations, I isolated myself away from the rest of the world for a long time. But, you were the one who was there for me, even when no one else was.

            I accept your counsel, direction, and continued help. I am sorry for my assumption that your hair-coloring process was to mirror anyone. Moreover, I apologize for getting upset when you set me straight concerning this subject-matter. I am glad that you corrected me, really.

            I believe that I reacted the way I did because I was ashamed of having displeased you, and instead of admitting to my own failing, I was the one who became defensive.

            Please know that I appreciate and respect everything you have done for me, and especially in regard to your patience in which you have been so generous, even in the face of my raw emotions. And though it might not concern you, due to your intelligence and awareness, you must know, by now, of your importance to me.

          10. 69Revolver says:

            Now THAT was a massive fuel dump for HG (albeit from a tertiary source).

          11. HG Tudor says:

            Not massive.
            1. As you identify, tertiary source, therefore low potency.
            2. Written word, therefore low in quantity.
            3. Frequency – it was repeated throughout the duration of the message.

            Now if this had been said in person the amount would be much larger with no alteration to 1 and 3.

          12. SurvivalMode says:

            Of course, I wasn’t thinking of it as “Fuel” for HG, but was merely speaking from my heart.

            I do apologize for any grammatical errors, but my tablet has issues and will not generally allow me to redo these errors after I have written out my comments. I am planning on getting a much better device very soon- a laptop.

            If I could tell M. Tudor these things, in person, I would do so, but with much greater depth of emotion, and expression, than can be shown in my writing on a tablet.

            Those who know me, in person, understand the authenticity of the depths of my emotions and feelings, and how easily I am wounded, or taken into extreme delight, by their presence- or even by that of my very own thoughts.

            I have BPD – efghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz- traits, (sorry, it’s a compulsion to say the entire alphabet whenever I say BPD, C-PTSD, or ADHD – efghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz….)…

            I think when I get my new lap top, I will be able to express thoughts so much better! I have so much to say!

            <3 <3 <3

          13. 69Revolver says:

            For the love, just show us a bit what you look like. Be as mysterious & playful as you want. I really don’t care. I understand for safety reasons you can’t show a full body—you don’t need 10,000 Narc victims chasing you down. Or, your didguarded appliances to see where you are.

            This debate on your looks will be ongoing for a while. Set a few things straight. And then it’ll get these women to STFU!
            BTW, it sounds to me as if you’re a smoker. Raspy & deep. You remind me of a male Dionne Warwick.

          14. HG Tudor says:

            I am not a smoker. It’s a filthy and disgusting habit.

          15. abrokenwing says:

            Apparently kissing someone who smokes is like licking an ashtray. Yucky!

          16. Narc Angel says:


            I think you spelled Demon Warlock wrong.

          17. 69Revolver says:

            Countertransferance, displacement, hum?

            Don’t kill the messenger. You know what he his, so just graciously accept the information that he shares with us. We’re afforded a view that many victims will never have.

          18. SurvivalMode says:

            Yes, I do appreciate his help very much. xxx

          19. Survival Mode says:


      6. Catherine says:

        Agreed HG. Hair is important. Colour is not.

        1. Joy4Life says:

          I’ve actually have seen many men who look fine completely shaven, or bald. Really. There’s that guy who played on The Mummy. Very good-looking.

      7. narc affair says:

        Ive never date or been with a bald man but ive met a few that were handsome. Hair definitely doesnt make the man.
        That said i do have a thing for dark haired italian men. Idk why lol i think my crush on al pacino possibly.

        1. Twilight says:

          Hi Narc Affair

          Lol I married into an Italian family (well half) it gave a new meaning to dark handsome and dangerous for me.

          I will keep with my ideal man Tall blonde and blue eyes, funny thing is in real life I avoid them.

        2. Joy4Life says:

          Al Pacino, ya.

      8. Perse S. Frisky says:


        Have you ever done your hair Pink? Or Red?
        Just curious.

        I’ve done pink streaks, and tinted my hair with bluing when it was very light blonde. I have dreamed of having red hair.

        I prefer being a blond, because people tend to underestimate me.
        It’s fun to surprise them!

        1. HG Tudor says:


      9. narc affair says:

        Hi twilight…its funny how we have preferences or what we think were attracted to. Ive met italian men that i wouldve been attracted to based on physical features but once i got to know who they were i was no longer attracted.
        I think my attraction of italian men stemmed from a landlord i had in my 20s. He was close in age and i really liked him. He had a girlfriend and they married.
        I love italians i find them a lot of fun. Their family dynamics ive always envied.

      10. narc affair says:

        Hi joy4life…or if you do see what he looks like he may have to kill you 😁😂

      11. Challenge Fuel says:

        Is the fuel from the written word always low? Or does it depend on the type of Narc it is being delivered to?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          It is of low QUANTITY.

      12. Morning sun says:

        I have to ask: what does it matter what HG looks like? What do you hope to gain from the knowledge, should he provide it?

        I really am curious about this as I don’t understand. Why do you desire a visual? Is it infatuation?

        1. Ugotit says:

          No I’m not infatuated. I am a visual.person and after spending so much time reading his work I feel its natural to want to know what he looks like and see him. I have a strong curiosity to know what he looks lime because he’s a self professed greater narcissist and sociopath. It would be interesting to see if by looking at him whether his appearance looks like a sociopath or narc if there even is a look for one.

      13. Persephone In Sunlight says:


        “Raspy & deep.”
        To me he sounds Purry and Resonant. I hear purry and it seems to be his vocal cords, and on sounds like n, it seems to add resonance from his head.
        Initially I thought he was purposely dampening the purry part, but it seems lately he does not. I don’t know if the head resonance is physical, his accent, or incorporated from singing lessons, but the overall effect is very pleasant, and attractive.
        So much so, that I found it a bit too attractive, even though I initially also thought it sounded a bit snobby. That part i thought “snobby” is probably the Received Pronunciation that he told us about. And I now even find that attractive.

        “Nice beautiful Tiger! Please don’t bite!” As I slowly back away….

        1. 69 Revolver says:

          How ironic that you state you find HG’s voice irresistible under a post entitled “How long can you resist?”
          My family and I are from the South (US) and our accent is thick; however, my mother says she’s never been able to resist a British accent. I prefer Australian myself. But yes, I agree that HG is easy on the ears.
          I have a BA in English and I mindlessly edit his posts as I read them. I’ve even thought about offering to proofread his posts, no charge, for repayment for how he’s aided in my understanding/healing. Paying it forward I guess you’d say. I know, so empathic of me. (Side eye)

          But trust me, you don’t want him. He’s 1) Across the pond and 2) He’s a Greater. But he’s already spoiled you with his voice! Lol

          1. Persephone In Sunlight says:


            (I smile every time I read your name, LOL!)
            I really don’t want him or any like him! But I do like his voice. I did feel fear at first hearing his voice, even if, or especially because, it is attractive to me.
            Opposite sides of the pond is fine with me. He can stay there. I enjoy his work, but I wouldn’t want to ever meet him, in any other context.

          2. 69Revolver says:

            The secret remains mine on how my name came to be. 😉

          3. Persephone In Sunlight says:

            I gather you’re pleading the 5th? 😉
            I like it, and it would crack me up too much to try to address you as 69.LOL

          4. 69Revolver says:

            Perse, be my guest…

          5. Persephone In Sunlight says:

            Well, hey y’all! I lost my accent sometime back, (Richmond,VA), but it comes right back when I speak to family on the phone. And I do love to hear me some Aussie being spoken. 😉
            I have fantasized about going down under to Coober Pedy, pullin a young miner outta one of them holes, and say “If’n you show me some purty rocks, maybe we could have a little naughty!” LOL
            And I get your wanting to proofread for him. I was a bindery worker/ press operator for years. and was given customer proofs first, to edit, so the customer would more readily see the possible errors. I have just decided to let it go, anymore, as long as I understand what the writer is trying to convey. I’ve only had to ask once about misspelled words, and it was probably autocorrect at work.
            And yes, I think a little perfectionism is a sometimes good empathic trait.
            : P
            (I can be so annoying about it. Just have to ask myself if it really is so important.)


          6. 69Revolver says:

            Perse, I proofread menu’s & billboards. GAWD. O_o
            It was so self-serving to correct the narc when I found errors. heh

    2. Joy4Life says:

      Even though he doesn’t have rich, dark hair, it definitely doesn’t take away from his eloquent writing ability. Everything is always so beautifully penned. I also imagined dark, liquid eyes for the longest time. But, M. Tudor has made mention of having blue eyes, or azure… or, something. Of course, it’s a mystery and this is why the curiosity, but ultimately, it doesn’t really matter; he is still H.G. 🙂 It’s all good!

    3. jo griffiths says:

      I thought there was a photo of him, one with dark glasses and another without? on one of the long Q&A sessions? Straight blonde hair, short…thin lips, quirky grin? Maybe I’m wrong. Oh…H.G. Is that a Nottinghamshire accent ?

      1. HG Tudor says:

        Wrong on both fronts me duck

        1. Joy4Life says:

          I’m really not too crazy about longer hair on men. I’ve always preferred the clean-cut look.

      2. Brian says:

        Is it a yorkshire accent?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Nay lad, dost thee go t’Ilkla Moor baht ‘at?

          1. Joy4Life says:

            LOL…. funny. I do not know what it says, but it’s cool.

      3. Joy4Life says:

        Believe it, or not… I think who you are describing is the individual, Christine, who interviewed HG. I know it looks like a male, but if my memory is correct, it is a female with the blonde hair, glasses, and quirky grin. I think she also has quite a set of biceps on her, too.

        1. jo griffiths says:

          Ha !!!! Anal prolapse !!! Very droll H.G. !!! I love a snigger in the morning. I should’ve known you would never take such a chance as to let your picture appear on any you tube vid. The ‘g’ on the end of words ending in ‘ing,’ sort of points to your accent being around the midlands…but heck !! How do I know that you aren’t putting that on too !!!?? I’m wracking my brains to think where, in this country, do they say ‘buck,’ instead of ‘book !!’ It’s a new one on me !! xx Conniethe cactus !

          1. HG Tudor says:

            Nothing to do with the Midlands. I am from lots of different places.

      4. Brian says:

        hehehe good one
        I wasn’t raised far enough north to understand that fully.
        The closest translation I have is:
        “no, do you go to the moor?”

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Ilkla Moor baht ‘at – is Yorkshire for Ilkely Moor without a hat and is apparently the unofficial anthem of Yorkshire. It is played by brass bands usually. The phrase and the song is reasonably well known in this country.

          Here is a version –
          And this tells you about the song and its history if you are interested.

          It’s nothing but an education on my blog you know.

      5. EmP says:

        I would say North East England.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Haway and shite, wrong again.

      6. Brian says:

        ooh I’d never heard of that before thanks hg.
        It is quite a funny story

      7. Perse S. Frisky says:


        ‘Nothing to do with the Midlands. I am from lots of different places.’

        So when you said you were a nomad, you meant literally? I thought you meant relationship wise.

        But you are not a Traveller?

        Do you currently reside close to your family of origin?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          I am Nomadic in both senses.

          I am not a gypsy traveller if that is what you mean, no.

          1. Persephone In Sunlight says:

            I had specifically not used Gypsy, because the label here denotes of Romany (eastern European) descent, while Traveller denotes UK (British Isles) descent. We have both here.

            And when I googled Received Pronunciation, the first definitions I got were Accent of Standard English in the UK, The Concise Oxford Dictionary says the standard Accent of English spoken in the south of England, The accent of those with Power, Money and Influence. The accent of the middle class. So many and somewhat conflicting definitions.
            The one EmP found would be what you meant, correct?
            I enjoy it when you add some fun to the education here. : )

          2. HG Tudor says:

            It has varying interpretations because some people do not like to use the description RP owing to the class connotations.

          3. MB says:

            I read that it’s eatimated that only 3% speak with RP accent. So either you are fortunate to have been born into a household that speaks it or you have studied and acquired it for yourself. Knowing your brilliance, I vote the latter.

      8. Bibi says:

        North of London but not that far north.

      9. jo griffiths says:

        Oh God !! Not bloody Norfolk !!!!

        1. HG Tudor says:

          I have no interest in tractors.

      10. EmP says:

        OK so, I have involved two (supposed) British accents experts that work with me and the answers were:

        1. Queen’s English, with a somehow robotic enunciation;

        2. Accent is being disguised. I would say Southern England. South Central, actually.

        Disclaimer: I am not from the UK so I don’t have much of a clue anyway.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Try this – received pronunciation.

      11. EmP says:

        On Received Pronunciation (I Googled it):

        “It is the business of educated people to speak so that no-one may be able to tell in what county their childhood was passed”.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Counties for me.

      12. BurntKrispyKeen says:

        Whatever the accent, wherever in southern England… sounds nice. 😊

        I’m thinking that a voice like that would make hair color a non-issue.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Ha ha.

      13. WhoCares says:

        “I’m thinking that a voice like that would make hair color a non-issue.”


        Let’s be honest…for some that may actually make hair a non-issue.

    4. Alexissmith2016 says:


  14. Anonymous says:

    This gave me the chills . . . how do you know my exact thoughts???? But today, I filed a restraining order. I do hate him. The thought of him within 10 feet of me causes me to wrench. I can’t believe I got involved with him in the first place. I have learned more about my life and myself through this narc interaction . . . I was broken, humbled, humiliated, but bottom. Today, I have been on a journey of rebuild ing my character. The loss of my good character hurt worse than assaults.

  15. Ugotit says:


    1. NeverAgain says:

      Stick with the Italian stallions.

  16. 69Revolver says:

    I have to erase this. I’m about to break, I can’t read this ever again.

    1. K says:


      HG is 6’ 1” with blond hair and blue eyes. He is a Gen-Xer, however, 3 fresh souls a day keeps him looking like he is 22. His skin and teeth: glowing and well brushed. He is a greater elite nomad narcissistic sociopath that likes to read dystopian literature. He sings baritone, prefers his Vesper martini stirred, not shaken (preferring to shake his empath snowglobes NAngel imagined) and he can also play classical piano. His IQ is 134 and he likes Royal Tea or Moroccan Mint Tea. He sleeps with the windows open, his Family Motto: Victoria Aut Morte, favorite band: Depech Mode, there are 25 hours in a Tudor day, and he enjoys eating souls for fun. HG was born in autumn and has 2 wishes: he would like an extra set of hands and for people to understand he does not do the blog for fuel. Engaged twice, married once, no children. He has never been obese nor will be, and he likes to create ever presence with the fragrance Creed.

      Pssst…His name is john smith but don’t tell anybody

      1. HG Tudor says:

        Round of applause for you K.

        1. K says:

          Ha ha ha…thank you, HG! I really do have fun with the curiosity regarding you and your appearance and I hope the others bloggers enjoy it, as well.

          1. Twilight says:


            I am right there with you.
            Yet you do know curiosity did kill the cat.

          2. K says:

            Ha ha ha…yes, but satisfaction brought her back!

      2. 69 Revolver says:

        Very astute K! Although, I imagine him much older by the sound of his voice. And, a higher IQ—Mensa level’ish.

        1. K says:

          Thank you, 69 Revolver
          Since I have been here for a while, I am privy to HG’s world and he is younger than 50 and he told me his IQ was 134. I agree; he is very intelligent.

      3. WiserNow says:

        Thank you K and well done! Who needs to read through three years of blog posts when you’ve done such a wonderful job of summarising all of HG’s characteristics? It’s all there in your comment! 😀

        1. K says:

          Welcome, WiserNow!
          And thank you, too! It does sum HG up quite nicely and it is a time saver, while adding much needed frivolity to our busy lives.

      4. WiserNow says:

        HG, can you tell us please, if possible… what is your starsign?

        Also, while we’re on the subject, what is your Chinese animal sign when it comes to Chinese astrology? I don’t think you’ve divulged those little morsels of information so far…

        1. HG Tudor says:


          1. K says:

            Hahahaha…no wonder you didn’t mention your Chinese Zodiac sign because it would reveal your age.

          2. HG Tudor says:

            Hg has a brain and uses it.

          3. K says:

            Hahahahaha…you most certainly do! Hahahaha…thanks for the laugh!

          4. truthseeker6157 says:


            Now it will be in your head all day!

            You’re welcome.

  17. W says:

    Nope. One month since I went NC with my 4 yr affair with an UMR. No relapses. No hoovers that I know of either, just yet.

    Almost 5 months since I went NC with my LMR/UL (still not sure). One relapse 3 months ago, but holding strong since then despite hoovers. Only thing I miss is the sex.

  18. NarcVictim says:

    Greeaaat article, HG! I read your blog often, it’s so insightful, I don’t know a better place for the victims of narcisstic abuse.

    I have a question, I hope you could help me with this one because it’s different to what you say in this article, I think.
    What about the situation when the narcissist starts no contact in response to victim’s no contact? My ex who discarded me but doesn’t have a replicement yet tried some benign hoovers on me and when I ignored one of his friendly Facebook messages (oh, so sweeeet!) and blocked him, he did the same! (How could he?!)
    I doubt he did it because he is afraid I will ruin his new golden period (he doesn’t have one and he was the one who tried to sustain this contact, not me) so I don’t understand why he did it. Did he finally decide to respect my will and leave me alone? It doesn’t sound like a narc. And he is a narc for sure.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      It is a silent treatment in response to your wounding of him by ignoring him when he hoovered you.

      1. NarcVictim says:

        Thank you. I’m sooo happy I could wound him! Oh, and the mystery is solved – after me he had someone new but when he tried to hoover me he was already discarding her so I became white and that’s why he was so kind to me. And now there is a huge drama on social media cause he betrayed this girl with her friend lol. I am so happy I am free of this pathology.

    2. Loulou says:

      Narc victim. My narc does this same thing all the time to me. Amateur He is actually giving me fuel because I know he gets wounded.

  19. lexiconlover says:

    Thank God it never got physical and the ocean stands between us, He and I. You are an incredible writer, you truly capture it perfectly

    1. Joy4Life says:

      The ocean stood between the one I was with, too! Thank The Lord!

  20. DL says:

    Perfectly written, As I read the words, maybe that was a dream once, but today, hearing his voice in my head as I read this, made me laugh in disgust on a few occasions, and nearly vomit on others. Once I left, and initiated NC, that was me saying it is enough. When I make a deliberate decision to walk away, I don’t look back.
    I was angry with myself for being taken in as a fool.

    But It was perfect exactly the way it was. It was meant to play out like this for me,I called it to me ,so to direct my attention to something I haven’t given much attention to. My inner self. I rarely listen to her, I’m so busy with the outside.

    I remember the red flags as early as day one, frankly , even before we met, we had our introduction through a dating site. I knew, I said, he doesn’t look right. I knew, but I didn’t trust enough. Too curious, maybe too adventurous? I hate to think so, I love adventures.

    So , saying yes to the second date and third, I was given the opportunity to know this inner voice in me, And boy is she there, she can throw quite the stir, but She’s on it. She’s got my back , I only have to listen to her. My intuition is my guide, I never walk alone. She is directly connected to the source of the universe. What a wild ride this was. When I wasn’t in pain, I was having the time of my life.

    I sometimes wonder if I am not myself a little narcy.

    Thank you so much

    1. HG Tudor says:

      You are welcome. Everyone has some narcissistic traits, though they vary in number and strength.

    2. NeverAgain says:

      Writing and speaking in the third person is, or so I have heard many times, a sign of enlightenment. Congrats

  21. Joy4Life says:

    Well, now that I know you have blonde hair, instead of dark brown, as I had imagined, I can pretty much resist your knock forever.

  22. Morning sun says:

    “You know me. You know me better than anybody else.”
    Classic phrase he used any time I questioned his actions or behavior.

  23. Caroline says:

    After educating yourself, I think imagination is the key. You have to be able imagine what is behind the narcissist’s mask and sustain that vision.

    The narcissist’s illusion requires a powerful imagination to combat it, but if you can feed your imagination the truth of what’s really there – despite what you see or hear – you can break the illusion. Then your resistance is quite strong.

  24. narc affair says:

    So far only 1 week

    1. Lori says:

      Come on! You can do better than a week! I’m about to hit 3 weeks! Good days and bad days but overall doing better that I’m not part of the daily mind duck anymore.

      No more what does that mean ? Who is he talking to? Is he’s gonna give me the ST again?

      No more of it! And that part is awesome!!!

      1. narc affair says:

        Hi lori….congrats on approaching 3 wks!!

      2. Insatiable Learner says:

        Hi Lori,
        “Good days and bad days but overall doing better that I’m not part of the daily mind duck anymore.

        No more what does that mean ?

        No more of it! And that part is awesome!!!”

        Yes to all of the above! I am 6 months NC!

    2. Perse S. Frisky says:

      narc affair,

      1 week is a start!


  25. Monet McIntyre says:

    HG TUTOR ;

    Wow ……

    So , is that it , then ………

    Your kind doesn’t care what sort of attention you get , just so long as you get it ?

    And it seems to me , that you git quite a thrill out of being told the damage you’ve caused & inflcited upon someone’s life .

    Do you actually get off on that ?

    Does it make you feel all powerful? ?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      See the book Fuel.

    2. jo griffiths says:

      Oh yes.

    3. /iroll says:

      Mine likes me to write a letter describing my sadness after we’re been together, he calls it ‘suffering owed’. He doesn’t reply, just says, – yes, very good.

      Bald with a goatee, btw ^ ^

      1. /iroll says:

        and yes i like tall, bald men, if they’re hot. everyone has their kryptonite.

  26. Lori says:


    You must have been reading my mind! I just ask you this on another post Hahahaha no I’m not going to contact him despite him make himself quite visible to me. Last few days he keeps popping up. I see what he is doing. When does this crap stop? He’s got new ipss and tons of supply why bother with me? How long till he gets bored and stops? I know he’s popping up on purpose ugh ! Ugh! Ugh!

  27. Challenge Fuel says:

    “I know you close your eyes and stand in that park and allow yourself to be taken back to that time a year ago. That day when we both drove there and met beneath the towering trees, the September sunshine still warm and I stood there, my magnetic smile on display as you half-ran towards me and I took you in my arms and then we kissed. Imagine doing that again? Oh you have of course. A thousand times.”

    Replace “one year ago” with “two years ago”, “towering trees” with “theater” and “September sunshine” with “May sunshine” and you have described my heaven (and hell).

    “I will trot anything out because once you see me smiling at you, you won’t be listening any more.”

    This happened last time but it will not happen this time. This time I will be saying goodbye to you Mr. Piano concert.

    1. Lori says:

      Yes! Goodbye Mr. Piano Man suck the life from someone else. Way to go. That’s the attitude CF! I’m about to hit 3 weeks which I have NEVER done. I am leaving Narcville!

      Get on the 1st train out of Narcville!

      You CAN DO THIS!

    2. narc affair says:

      Wtg challenge fuel! Piano recital guy does not deserve you! Your futures much brighter without him. Heres to new opportunities of happiness 🤗

    3. Perse S. Frisky says:

      Dear G,

      I am so happy to hear this!
      If you need the backup, my offer still stands. Just let me know.
      We are cheering you on!!


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